Faramir Fiction Archive

Be blessed (PG-13)

Written by Anastasiya

19 June 2010 | 4329 words

Title: Be blessed
Pairing: Faramir/Boromir
Rating: PG-13
Beta: boundless thanks for Chloe for her priceless help
Author’s Note: I don’t pretend that I’ve made a story worthy of such an interesting and complicated, I think, theme how religious life of Tolkien’s heroes. But I tried to include there some philosophical elements.
I hope it’s not so terrible.

Written for the 2010 Midsummer Swap.

Request by Helmboy: Something philosophical. I want to know their ethical or religious feelings. You never see a story with much religion or how they practice or how it affects them. I would like to see this angle a major part of a story.

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Part One

Brilliant drops falling from the waterfalls resonantly counted out invariable hurrying somewhere time but a lonely figure that was peacefully dozing on the soft grass didn’t feel that eternal flow. Here in the company of silent stone guards the time seemed to be frozen and slight rustling of yellow leaves as much as still worm autumn sun lovingly cherished his sleep.

Ancient monuments thoughtfully watched the sleeping youth who was their only and constant visitor for a long time. When he was absent for several days it seemed to them that world became darker. But then he went again and in spite of tears on his young face the beautiful divine statues loved looking at him because his soul was like sun.

Time passed, years swiftly changed one another and the boy became youth and tears were forever replaced by immutable sadness of his eyes. And now they seemed that they had never seen a so hopeless and sad impression on his beautiful face. “Does he deserve it?” Light wind whispered as it slipped along his cheek and disarranged dark gold hair. “So handsome and young he was born to be loved but you are too cruel to allow him it.” Expressing its disappointment the wind rose up several big leaves in the air and dropped them on the monument of beautiful maid that was standing thoughtfully hanging her head. “Has his time yet not gone?” But the statue stayed silent and bright. Anor got suddenly angry and slipped down, hiding behind rock, and leaving merciless dazzling ray on the cold image.

Long shadow fell on the glade and the youth stirred as he felt unpleasant chill replacing worm sun rays. Having opened his eyes he thought for a while where he was but then consciousness returned to him. And the memory with it. And it became heavier on his heart. It was the first time in his life, he gave no attention on the beauty of that place and nearly with a challenge addressed to the stone monuments, “There is no justice in this world. If the gods truthfully ruled over us, they would not allow jealousy and spite among the people. People would treat each other with more patience and parents would love their children equally.” Shuddering at the sudden frost wind that went no one knows wherefrom and rose up the lots of leaves, he quickly sprang to his feet and headed away. For some reason this place irritated him today and cold faces stopped to inspire him respect.

He took only several steps when strange voice made his blood freeze. “Faramir” – was heard all around and he turned abruptly, wishing to catch the speaking one, but the glade was empty and just stone statues, it seemed, concentrated all their attention on him. He fishily moved his eyes and was ready to go further when he heard the voice again.

“Faramir, come to me.”

Faramir slowly shifted his gaze staring at the stone monuments. His name was repeated over and over again until the voice became saturated, mixed with moan of the wind, and he began feeling it inside. His look slipped on faces gazing at him and suddenly stopped on the face of beautiful maid. As if in a dream he moved to her and knelt at her foot.

“You doubt our power, Faramir,” she seemed to say and he dropped his eyes as he couldn’t disprove it. “You doubt us, son of Gondor, but our power has an affect only when people believe in us and follow our rules. But as only they allow his doubts to appear in their minds, our power stopped acting. Don’t let them possess you, Faramir.”

“What do you want me to do?” Faramir whispered as he raised his head. “I always believed in you but my life is not so I had ever dreamed. What did I do wrong and what should I do?”

“Just believe in us,” the voice flied, and never lose hope.” Don’t break the laws of world, Faramir, and we’ll bless you.”

Hiding sun illuminated dome of the sky with blood flame when Faramir left one of the deserted gardens of Minas Tirith where the god’s statues dwelt. He had already taken several steps up when running figure almost knocked him off his feet.

“By the gods, Faramir!” Boromir cried out as he put his hands on Faramir’s shoulders. “Where were you? I was looking for you all this time after quarrel with father. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Boromir.” Faramir answered with smile and took several strands of hair from brother’s face away. And in this very moment Boromir first thought that his brother had never been as beautiful as in this moment. Deadly whiteness of town walls brightly contrasted with his living gold feature, and his eyes seemed to be blue and clear as never before.

“Faramir,” he said with frantic haste for some reason. “I wanted just to say that maybe there is no need to argue with father. He was always too exacting to you but I know he loves you.”

“Of course, my brother,” Faramir smiled again and Boromir found himself thinking that his brother became another.

Another? Maybe. Faith can save or destroy person. For Faramir it became a base to his kindness and sensitive, compassionate nature. Even if his father scorned him for his soft character that he regards as weakness, love of those around him spoke better than any words. Faith was his strength. It made him strong to every difficulty and many times the words “May Valar bless you!” followed his way.

After that day when he first heard the voices the strange visions of future became visiting him. He saw them often and melodious voices always whispered something to his ears. He tried to live right and often visited sacred place to share his joys and grieves. And only once he went where to repent.

“Two days ago I committed an action that will never wash my hands from blood,” Faramir said turning his bright eyes to the face of divine maid, “but war doesn’t ask us when to come. It’s a heavy sin to kill anybody but my first duty is to serve my realm and its people for the sake of freedom and if I have to kill many times for my men, their wives and children to live, I will. I ask just to stop it sooner.”

One dark day it happened. Wounded for the first time in his life Faramir tossed in his harsh soldier’s bed in Henneth Annûn. Ague of body mirrored his visions where he swiftly rushed through the dark somber forest stumbling and falling into the dirt. Rain was going without remorse hiding the way with heavy curtain. But yet he ran, trembling with cold and burning from heat that followed his steps. He slipped and fell and like heavy shackle fettered his all body for he felt no strength to rise. It seemed that something terrible crept for him and Faramir whispered quietly, “Save me, please. I beg of you.” He repeated it over and over again when suddenly all changed. In dismay he looked round, noticing as warm sun ray slid along his shoulder, and didn’t believe when he heard well-known laugh. Driven by unfamiliar feeling he lightly stood up from green soft grass and headed for the direction of voice. There, in the center of glade of gods, Boromir suddenly turned and directed to him.

“Little one!” He cried out grasping Faramir’s arms and laughing with laugh that was so loved by his brother. “I have found you at last! I can’t leave you even for a while!” And he folded Faramir in his arms so abruptly that the last one started. Gaze of Boromir filled with boundless warmness and love and he whispered calmly, “Now everything will be fine again.” And he bent down kissing wounded Faramir’s shoulder. Warm wave of shudder at first, then of love and desire ran through his body and Faramir embraced his brother’s head with his hands. Boromir laughed again and his arms slid round Faramir’s waist. And Faramir whispered, “I love you, Boromir. Kiss me.”

And small light in his brother’s eyes was changed by flame and Boromir gently at first, then claiming and powerful possessed his mouth. Driven by increasing lust Faramir buried his fingers deeper in soft hair, emphatically pressing desired lips, when suddenly found himself in cold dark cave kissing his own brother.

“Boromir!” He pushed Boromir away and screamed from pain in shoulder at once. Astonishment in his brother’s eyes changed by fear and Boromir moved to him again but Faramir swiftly escaped his hands.

“B-boromir,” he said nervously, “what are you doing here?”

“I… I… I suddenly felt that anything’s going wrong, Faramir, and decided to visit you here. And found you wounded. Faramir, I nearly went crazy when I saw you burning with fever when you…”

“When I…” But suddenly opened door gave them no chance to continue talk and most surprised healer came in captain’s own room.

“That’s impossible!” He cried out as he reached Faramir. He touched Faramir’s forehead and said in astonishment, “But you are absolutely cold. My Lord,” he turned to Boromir, “If I knew you not, my lord, I would think you to be a wizard-healer for our captain was unconscious for ten hours and I was very afraid for his condition.”

Boromir slightly smiled darting look at Faramir but the last one quickly turned away. Healing treatment caused them stop their talk and in thirty minutes Faramir was lying in bed again trying to fall asleep. But sleep did not come and the thought of suddenly discovering love gave him no peace. Of love that was not to be at all for it was the heaviest sin which any man could commit.

Part Two

Through habit he woke up early and at once his eyes met his brother’s. How long was he sitting so, watching him?

“Good morning, little one,” Boromir said quietly and smiled. “How are you filling?”

“More better, thank you.” Faramir answered after he mastered stupor. For the first time in his life he feared talking with his brother and his anxiety appeared not groundless for Boromir suddenly said, “Faramir, I… I have to tell you something. I know I never must say you it and even feel but..”

“Boromir!” Faramir burst in on him, “Boromir, there is no need to say anything you don’t want..”

“No, I want! Even if you scorn me by my last day, I must tell it to you. Please, listen to me!” In his voice was heard such entreaty that Faramir couldn’t refuse. “Faramir, I do not know what happens with me or how long but your yesterday’s condition suddenly opened my eyes. Many years I treat you as my brother, you know..”

“We are the brothers, Boromir.”

“But yesterday when you tossed in a delirious, I became aware how frail our life is. How in one moment everything could turn over and one terrible day I could lose you, never see you again, never embrace you. And when you whispered..”

“Boromir, but now all is fine again,” Faramir tried to stop delicate topic but Boromir gave no attention. “You whispered ‘Kiss me’ I couldn’t keep my feelings. Believe me, I would never do it, if you by yourself..”

“Boromir, I would never scorn you. My admiration and affection for you are too strong to overcome it. But you said yourself you have never had to say it and even feel, but we not always possess our feelings. So…”

“You have not listened to me to the end, Faramir..”

“I know what you are talking about, brother. But listen to me too. We can’t break the laws. If we will do it, what would be in world? We are the sons of Steward, we have too many duties on our shoulders to do it. I will always love you but there is no place to anything more. You have to understand it.”

“I understand,” Boromir whispered as he hung his head. “One moment I thought that my feelings are reciprocated so I brought myself to tell you.”

“You made mistake.”

“You are cruel, Faramir.”

“Not at all. I simply understand too well what burden is lying on your shoulders as an heir of Steward.”

“Yes,” Boromir agreed again and stood up. “I also wanted to tell you that I have to return to Minas Tirith. Father was not content me to go here, so I must go.”

“Already?” Faramir could not help but ask with disappointment and Boromir felt it right away.

“Yes,” he said easily. “May I kiss you at parting?”

“Of course, you always do it.” Faramir smiled weakly, expecting one brother’s kiss they shared for many years. But instead of light kiss on cheek his lips were possessed by exacting mouth and he shuddered as he eagerly responded to the kiss. But as only he became aware of it, he pushed Boromir away again.

“Never, never do it again, Boromir!”

“Why not, Faramir? You want it as much as I do!”

“No! No, I do not want it!” Faramir said emphatically. “Why do you not want to understand that you desire the impossible? Even if I wished it, we would not have right to do it.”

“What say in you now, Faramir?” Boromir cried out in irritation. “I do not recognize you! What convictions are guided by you in this matter that you don’t want to admit the obvious?”

“There are the limits we can’t overcome, Boromir. We are brothers! There are not to be other feelings between us.”

“Why do you lie to yourself? These feelings exist and you cannot convince me of the opposite. Not because of their absent you asked me to kiss you yesterday!”

“I didn’t!”

“You did! You said ‘Boromir, I love you. Kiss me.’”

“Are you only Boromir in Gondor?” – Faramir answered sharply and regretted about his words then Boromir shrank back from him.

“You are cruel, Faramir.” He said in a frost voice.

“Boromir, I wanted not..”

“Wanted or not, you said it and it’s enough. Farewell, brother. I hope your shoulder get better soon.” And he slammed the door behind himself.

Faramir powerlessly pressed his back to cold wall and closed his eyes. It became empty and lonely within him and he could not forget the pain that appeared in his brother’s eyes after his words. He pressed his fingers to his temples trying to keep mad blows and unasked thoughts. ‘No, it’s not truth, it can’t be truth,’ He thought. ‘How could it happen that the only dear to me person could become so distant? How could it happen?’ But it happened. And it was his fault.

He clenched his teeth from pain and said quietly, “I couldn’t do differently. One day I swore you not to break your laws and I’ll keep my words in any case.”

Many years ago

Years quickly changed one another reminding of fleetingness of people’s life. Right on time they counted out gifted time and Faramir with heavy heart returned to Minas Tirith again. White walls proudly towered over boundless expanse as always, however their beauty inspired him no admire. This city forever became refuge of cold and scorn for him and warm love of someone beloved didn’t destroy that sorcery already for a very long time.

Many times passed after that day in Henneth Annûn but the cold, penetrating him that time, never was broken up. Like high walls that defended him from all blows, he built around himself and no one was able to destroy it. He tried to convince himself of rightness of his actions too long not to learn that any feeling can cause the pain. Boromir had never endeavored to speak of it again and former brother’s affection and warmth was suddenly replaced by long years of estrangement and dislike and none of them tried to stop it. Faramir feared his feelings too much to allow them go and life, it seemed, acknowledged his rightness, for never again he was seriously wounded or ill and love of his people seemed to be blessing from above.

Ithilien became his home and those infrequent events that obliged him to return to white city weighed him on. In those distant years Minas Tirith still was the center of all high life and his brother shined on balls presenting the object for longing of all woman’s half. And Faramir tried not to pay attention on it saying it was right and Boromir had to find wife at last, to bring heirs into the world but all of it continued injuring him. And Valars coldly watched his torments. Always blessed, but never happy.

But now he was returning not to the ball but to military council and it made him breathe heavily. Situation for Gondor became hot and even the balls seemed to be remote past now.

He tiredly dismounted from his horse and headed to the citadel. Father was sitting on his throne circled by councilors and captains and Faramir slightly bowed his head in greeting not to distract then from discussion. Boromir was actively proving something to Denethor and Faramir found himself staring at him fascinating, when Boromir suddenly turned as if he felt his gaze. But just short nod became greeting to him and Faramir felt extremely unhappy and tired. But the council lasted to late night and when it all finished at last he was ready to drop.

He headed for his chambers when direct moon ray attracted him. He took only several steps along covering by moonlight gallery when came upon lustfully kissing pair. They sharply tore their embrace and paying no attention on them Faramir was ready to go further when known voice made him freeze.

“Faramir?”

He slowly turned around and looked at Boromir. Then he moved his eyes to the beautiful young man that pressed himself to wall in dismay. Bright moonlight did not hide his swelled from the kiss lips and undone tunic and Faramir felt as wall of nonchalant began destroying around him. Despair and deadly fatigue took possess on him suddenly and he swiftly moved away.

He didn’t know where he was going and didn’t think of it. He simply passed through gallery until fresh night air touched him. Crickets joyfully rattled all around but he heard them not. His soul craved just for one place where he could find peace.

World froze around him and he fell on his knees pressing his forehead to cold stone foot.

“Why do you do it to me?” He implored huskily as his throat squeezed with sobs. “Why? Have I brought no enough sacrifices on altar of your belief that you’re so cruel to me?”

And warm arms embraced him and raised him up. He powerlessly pressed to strong chest looking for solace and warm searching lips slipped along his neck. Embrace became stronger and Faramir tried to say anything but desperate entreaty forced him keep silence.

“Please, let me do it,” Boromir whispered into his ear as he pressed Faramir to himself more firmly. “Please. I know all you want to tell me…”

“I do not.” Faramir responded with sob.

“Please. So many years, Faramir, so many torments…”

“Yes.”

And Boromir turned him around pressing his lips to long-desired mouth.

And everything turned over.

Where were now long years of cold and indifference, emptiness and estrangement? All stayed far behind. Touch of lips was like gulp of air, hot palms on bare chest – like promise of the greatest happiness on earth. And the fair wavy hair of the accidental lover was forever forgotten with the kiss of the most beloved man in a world.

Part Three

Boromir slowly opened his eyes fearing to disperse wonderful dream. Waking sun faintly lighted up the sun and all gold of Arda concentrated in soft hair that tickled his nose. He slowly raised his head as his gaze slipped along chest where his arm was lying, then on curve of neck, on line of chin until it froze on face. How long he dreamt of it, how long waited for but with years the hope that it might happen one day went away and now he couldn’t believe in his luck.

He uncertainly raised his hand and touched by fingers the cheek of beloved. But no, he was not a dream, not a vision. He was lying here, warm and real, and Boromir with awesome gentleness touched the place, where one moment ago his fingers were, with his lips. Lashes of Faramir trembled and Boromir looked into blue eyes in fear to see refusal. But there were only boundless love.

Faramir turned over burring his nose into the brother’s neck and Boromir joyfully pressed him to himself.

“Boromir,” Faramir whispered softly, “will you forgive me one day?”

“If only you answer me to one question.” Was his respond.

“What question?”

“Was I the only Boromir in Gondor?”

Faramir grinned sleepily as he suddenly thought of how long Boromir kept the memory about his words. “The only in Gondor. Only in my heart.” He whispered.

“When what were those long years for, my brother?”

“Are you not happy now, Boromir?” Faramir asked as he raised his head.

“As ever before.”

“Then for it.” Faramir smiled and clung to his brother’s lips.

What was it? Might it be called as blessing from above or it only seemed to be so? In any event in several months Boromir left Gondor never to return.

House of healing

He was standing up to his knees in water of Anduin when a boat with falling warrior was passing him. It moved far and far away and he unaccountably stepped forward, trying to keep up it.

“Faramir.” Air filled with voices that whispered his name but he didn’t want to hear.

“Faramir.” The voices became more obstinate and mixed with white mist that went from somewhere, hiding his way, but he stubbornly sank deeper.

“Faramir!”

And his soul answered, “I do not hear you.” And his face stayed cold and determined.

“Why, Faramir?”

“I do not want hearing you. You took him from me. I damn my belief in you!” He said firmly and took last step to join one person he loved all his life. But suddenly water escaped and he found himself in a glade. He sharply turned around avoiding gazes of cruel Gods and tried to find the way back. But the way was closed.

“What do you want from me?” Faramir cried out in despair as he turned to divine statues. “I hate you! I damn you! All my life I was loyal to you but what I got from you? You took the only person who was dear to me!”

“We didn’t.”

Faramir powerlessly fell on his knees. “I don’t wish to hear you.”

“Why, Faramir?”

“All those years I did that were welcome to you. But was I happy?” He whispered quietly. “Was it you blessing?”

“Were you never happy?”

“I was.” He responded with heavy sob and his thoughts returned to those several months when he was truly happy. “I was. I paid great penalty for that happiness. His death became its prize.”

“It was not so, Faramir.”

“Brotherly love between brothers is sin, recreancy of your laws. And great atonement for several months.” He said and became silent. But then he suddenly went on, “But my brother was my life and I don’t wish to live without him. I’ll go for him.”

“Stop, Faramir!” The voice was sharp and firm. “Remember that day you were first wounded. Remember how badly you felt and you whispered “Save me” when you found you here. Remember how all pain and fear suddenly passed as your brother got with you. We sent him to you then, Faramir.”

“No. No! Tell me that it’s not truth!” Faramir begged but Valars were too cruel.

“He and his love were our blessing to you.”

“No.” Faramir whispered again pressing his head to cold ground.

“Remember that day, Faramir, when you returned to Minas Tirith to the council and saw your brother with young men. You sobbed standing on your knees before us when he went to give you peace.” The voice stopped sounding and nature froze under the sobs of crooked on the grass figure.

“Remember those days with him, Faramir, and never mixed laws of people with ours, for we are your soul and all you wish is our laws.”

“Then it’s no need to live me all the more.” Faramir raised his face and his voice suddenly clear sounded in the air.

“Remember that day, our son, when your brother left Minas Tirith…”

“Never to return…” Faramir said hopelessly.

“He blessed you on life then. He wanted you to live, for you were more to him than life itself.”

“He blessed me for life without him…”

“With him.”

And as only these words were understood by his mind, his eyes opened and he stared into warm deep eyes of bending over him man. And laughing voice flied in the air for last time, “Be blessed, our beloved son.”

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