Faramir Fiction Archive

Wicked Lovers and Nosy Brothers (PG-13)

Written by Mithaurdil

01 September 2007 | 1426 words

Title: Wicked Lovers and Nosy Brothers
Author: mithaurdil
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Faramir/Haldir
Summary: Moments at home. (AU)
Feedback: Like that very much, so please don’t hesitate!
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tolkien.

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Wicked Lovers and Nosy Brothers

“Haldir? Haldir, I’m home,” Faramir yelled as he struggled into their small apartment, balancing books, papers and grocery bags. “Haldir! A little help, please?”

Grinning Haldir came out of the kitchen and approached his lover. “You’re looking quite busy,” he smirked.

Rolling his eyes in response, Faramir shoved against the tall elf. “Here, you can take your share,” he panted as Haldir reflexively cradled the bags and books. “That damn lift is out of order again and I had to trudge up all six flights!”

Smiling Haldir bent over the load in their arms and pecked a light kiss on his lover’s upturned nose. “There, doesn’t that make it better?”

Shaking his head fondly Faramir pulled his books out of Haldir’s grasp and lay them on the dresser near the door. “You can do better, lover,” he winked after taking over the grocery bags and retreating to the little kitchen. Setting the bags on the counter, he pulled his purchases out.

With that same teasing smile from earlier, Haldir leant against the door jamb, watching his man puttering around in their small kitchen.

Looking over his shoulder, Faramir smiled coyly. “Aren’t you gonna help me?” He asked in a low mischievous voice.

Grinning, Haldir pushed away from the door and walked over to embrace Faramir from behind. “Helping or helping?” He purred while nuzzling his lover’s ear.

Faramir shivered in delight from the warm puffs of breath in his ear. “You can choose,” he answered cheekily before turning his head to look up at the elf. “Though I personally recommend putting the groceries away since we have to rustle up a meal for your brothers tonight.”

“Fuck,” Haldir swore. “I totally forgot they were coming tonight!”

Grinning, Faramir pulled Haldir’s face down to kiss his lips. “Relax,” he whispered. “I prepared everything before I went to work. All we have to do is let it cook.”

Looking in his lover’s twinkling eyes, Haldir shook his head ruefully. “What would I do without you, angel?” He wondered aloud.

Placing another kiss on the elf’s lips, Faramir regarded him fondly. “You would surely starve for one. But more importantly,” he continued teasingly. “You wouldn’t be getting any, which would be like a disaster cause then grumpy Haldir would emerge.”

“Grumpy Haldir?” The elf in question asked, eyebrows poisonously raised.

Snickering, Faramir turned his attention back to the groceries, yelping in surprise as Haldir yanked him firmly back against his chest. “Grumpy?” He growled in Faramir’s ear.

With a laugh, his lover looked up. “Don’t sound so astonished, darling. Everyone can testify for that.”

“Oh really?” Haldir asked in a disbelieving voice. “Give me one example, angel.”

Smirking, Faramir gave his elf a pointed look. “How about that week in the mountains, huh? With the whole gang? We had to sleep in one hall with everyone for the whole week. By the third day you had almost strangled Rúmil! The poor guy didn’t dare to look at you after that.”

“Oh that,” Haldir sniffed haughtily. “He was annoying me.”

“Yeah right, like everyone else did that week,” Faramir snorted amused. “But, “ he continued in a seductive whisper. “ To prevent you’ll do the same tonight to your poor brothers, I’ve prepared something.”

Intrigued, Haldir squeezed Faramir closer as his lover fished something out of the grocery bag. “Tadaa!”

Bursting out in laughter, Haldir took the long velvet shawl from Faramir. “Where did you buy that?” He asked incredulously.

Faramir snuggled back against Haldir’s broad chest as he muttered something about the sale on the ladies’ floor in the warehouse.

Thoroughly amused, Haldir turned Faramir around. “I wonder how you landed there, lover. Besides, didn’t we have a dinner to prepare?” The tall elf asked innocently.

Mock-glaring at the elf, Faramir snatched the dark red shawl back and threw it over Haldir. Pulling the elf out of the kitchen by the ends of the clothing, he gestured with his chin at the three kettles on the furnace. “Just light a fire and within ten minutes it’s done.”

Laughter rang though the house as Haldir got pulled into the bedroom.

Later that evening, the three brothers and Faramir had just finished a lovely meal as Orophin claimed and had adjourned to the living room, plopping down in the worn but comfortable sofas. Rúmil had just started a tale about his success with yet another female secretary at work when Orophin noticed something.

Haldir and Faramir were reclining in one sofa, leaning against each other as they listened with amused faces to Rúmil’s boasting. Haldir had just put his arm around Faramir but unfortunately his sleeve got brushed up and Orophin noticed several red angry marks on his wrist.

“Haldir?” He asked concerned, interrupting his youngest brother. “Did you hurt yourself? What’s that on your wrist?”

Curious, Rúmil peered at his brother’s arm. Both he and Orophin were surprised when Haldir snatched his arm from Faramir and hurriedly dragged his sleeve down. “Just bruised it,” he said in an aloof voice. “Been clumsy.”

Faramir kept his lips pressed together, trying not to dissolve in giggles in front of Rúmil and Orophin, who were obviously not buying a word of Haldir’s explanation.

“Really?” Orophin said slowly, glancing at Faramir and noticing he was putting up a serious effort in keeping his cool. And miserably failing.

“Come on,” Rúmil urged, a wide smile on his face. “Tell us the story. It’s bound to be embarrassing for Haldir here.”

Just as Haldir kicked his leg in warning, Faramir lost it and burst out in laughter. “I’m sorry,” he wheezed between whoops of laughter.

Sighing in a particularly suffering way, Haldir leant back against the sofa. “There’s no story, it just got chafed.”

“Well, we can see that, brother o mine,” Orophin said smiling. “Just tell us how it got chafed.”

Getting very annoyed Haldir stood up to fix himself a drink. “You’re being awfully nosy, you know.”

“Oh, come on, Haldir. Tell us,” the two younger brothers continued to whine. Haldir just kept ignoring his annoying siblings. Faramir in turn kept snickering, cheerfully ignoring the evil looks his love sent him.

“Haldir, don’t be such a coward,” Rúmil cried out, fed up with his brother. “Just tell us! I mean, we’re going to think you and Faramir are in kinky stuff and you let him tie you up.”

Orophin’s head shot up at the suggestion and the two lovers became suddenly very quiet. “Oh god, don’t tell me Rúmil’s right.” Bursting out in laughter he watched Haldir’s pale face flushing to a vivid red. A very rare sight.

“Oh my god, he’s blushing, he’s blushing!” Rúmil crowed obnoxiously.

Growling, Haldir stormed to his brother, intent on throttling him to an inch of his life. Fortunately Faramir intervened. Resting a hand on Haldir’s chest, the sandy haired man looked imploringly up to his seething lover. And of course, one look into those puppy eyes and Haldir was like goo in the hands of his playful partner.

Feeling Haldir relax, Faramir smiled tentatively at his elf, although he knew damn well what those eyes did to him, the elf thought ruefully. Shaking his head, Haldir bent down and captured Faramir’s lips in a brief kiss.

Sliding his arm round his lover’s slender waist, Haldir pulled Faramir close to his side before looking up at his bewildered brothers. Putting on a reserved expression, he regarded his brothers. “It’s really no business of yours what we do in the bedchamber.” Here, Haldir paused to look sternly at each brother. “So bugger of.”

Boggling in surprise the two brothers watched as Haldir turned to the man in his arms and caught his lips in a thorough kiss.

“Hey!” Rúmil managed to exclaim indignantly after a few seconds of trying to open his mouth. “Hey!” He tried again, louder this time when the two carried happily on.

Snickering, Orophin grabbed his youngest brother by his sleeve and pulled him to the door. “Thank you for dinner,” he yelled over his shoulder, opening the front door. “Come on, Rúmil, I guess Haldir can’t wait to get tied up again.” With this the elf slammed the door shut, just after hearing an outrageous roar and hilarious giggling. Grinning, the two brothers nodded to each other and ran like hell to the nearest exit.

End

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