Faramir Fiction Archive

War of the Wizards (PG)

15 July 2010 | 120215 words | Work in Progress

Title: War of the Wizards
Author: KC
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): Faramir
Warnings: Spanking
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to Tolkien.<br>,Please let me know what you think of this story by leaving a comment.

This is number seven in the series that started with Grief, Elf, Wasps and an Angry Wizard and Stubborn Stewards and Bright Red Paddles, Human King, Elven King & One Stubborn Steward, Sweet Revenge or Let Licking Dogs Lie and Elves, Orcs and the Road to Recovery.
Added: Chapter 52

Part 30

The next day, seven day, was Faramir’s day of rest, as proclaimed by Thranduil. No one dared approach the Steward on the seventh day with anything that looked remotely like work for fear of inciting the wrath of both the elven King and a certain elven ‘nanny’. Faramir awoke later that morning, although still quite early, than was his wont as he had spent a goodly part of the previous evening plotting with his like-minded cousin. The Steward walked to the large dinning room in his apartments, with Misto scuttling along the rafters above, arriving just as the morning meal was being served.

Already in attendance was his ada, Legolas, Maglor, Gimli, Imrahil and Amrothos. Faramir greeted each in turn before sitting in the empty chair between his ada and Legolas, opposite his uncle and cousin. Throughout the meal Imrahil kept looking at his fox cubs intently as if putting them on notice, so to speak. In return he received looks of such innocence that the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Thranduil saw the byplay between Imrahil and his fox cubs and could not help but feel sympathy for the Prince, for his friend’s inability to confront them, having no concrete evidence that they were indeed conspiring to perpetrate some mischief.

He smiled knowingly at his elfling’s increasing annoyance as he also bore witness to the byplay between the humans. It was obvious that his elfling was vexed at being excluded thus far from the conspiracy. Thranduil doubted that they would continue to exclude Legolas. Given his elven son’s past history with pranks gone wrong and cascading disasters that seemed to flow from the smallest of actions on the part of his elfling, Thranduil thought it wise of Faramir to limit Legolas’ involvement. As much as he loved his elfling, the elven King was not blind to the fact that his elfling was ever a disaster waiting to happen. Knowing of what his very devious human son was capable, and suspecting that Imrahil’s cub possessed a similar capability, the Valar only knew he thought, what they would do to the Elrondion twins. The part of him that was father felt sorry for the unsuspecting sons of Elrond but all the other parts were secretly looking forward to what the descendents of Adrahil perpetrated upon the ‘duo horribus’.

At the conclusion of the meal, Thranduil, Maglor, and Imrahil departed. As soon as they were deemed to be out of earshot, Legolas rounded on his brother.

“What are you planning, muindor tithen? And do not attempt to tell me that you are not!” Legolas exclaimed both angered and a little hurt.

Faramir put a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“It was never our intention to exclude you, brother,” Faramir soothed his elven brother’s ruffled feathers. “It is just that you are mishap personified and I am afraid that if you knew all of what we planned, it would turn to follow the path of disaster as inevitably as the sun rises and sets.”

“Och! He has ye there, laddie,” Gimli laughed, remembering more than one such disaster befalling his elven friend.

After an initial wave of annoyance and denial, Legolas blushed furiously ducking his head in acceptance of his brother’s words.

“So you have something planned for this evening then?” Legolas guessed.

“Aye, we have and you will be pivotal to the success of what we have planned, cousin,” Amrothos apprised, bringing a shy smile to Legolas’ countenance both by his inclusion in the planned prank and in his brother’s family.

“What we want you and Gimli to do is to effect revenge on the twins for drugging you recently, by, in turn, drugging them,” Faramir advised making both Legolas and Gimli shiver at the look of unfettered mischief that graced Faramir’s features.

“That does possess a certain elegant symmetry, I do confess,” Legolas replied, a broad smile breaking out. “Although, in truth, it was Elrohir only,” he added sighing.

“Aye, that is true but it was Elladan who boasted about the deed,” Faramir reasoned.

Legolas’ smile turned decidedly wicked.

The twins spent the day with Legolas, Gimli and Misto, who was still grumbling about being forced by his mama to go with the ‘baaaddd’ elf. When the twins enquired about Misto’s presence and Faramir’s absence, they were advised that both Faramir and Amrothos were visiting mutual friends in the lower rings of the city and thought it unfair to drag the hatchling from location to location through crowded streets.

Early in the evening, Faramir and Amrothos arrived at the King and Queen’s private dinning room as Aragorn and Arwen had earlier invited family and friends to join them for the evening meal. Both fox-furred humans looked to be in good spirits but somewhat tired. The meal was a congenial affair enjoyed thoroughly by all those in attendance. At the conclusion of the meal, Gimli invited Legolas, the twins, Faramir and Amrothos to share several bottles of wines of excellent vintage that he had procured. They were in fact wines of excellent vintage given to him by Faramir who had raided his own supply. The Steward also supplied a very strong sleeping elixir.

Aragorn had indicated earlier in the evening that he wanted to discuss matters of supplies with Elrond, Thranduil, Maglor, Gandalf and Imrahil. He had looked meaningfully at Faramir, hoping that his Steward would volunteer to stay but did not dare ask openly as he did not want to face the wrath of Thranduil or Maglor. Faramir gave his apologies advising the King that he and Amrothos were headed for the barracks as they had promised to meet with the Swan Knights who were due to depart for Dol Amroth on the morrow.

Elrond bid his sons a good evening, saying that he would, in all likelihood, not return to their apartment until after they had retired to their beds. Unseen by all with the exception of Maglor and Imrahil, although Faramir did have his suspicions, was the twinkle in Thranduil’s eyes. All three suspected that Elrond was leaving the way clear for whatever mischief had been planned for the evening, which surprised Faramir greatly.

Gimli and the younger elves departed for Elrond’s quarters. Faramir and Amrothos bid all a good evening and left the room at a sedate pace, until, that is, they reached the doors leading outside the palace after which they hared off towards the lower levels of the city to continue their preparations.

Amrothos ran down to the second level of the city to collect the very large pig that was mascot for one of the several alehouses located on that level. Earlier, it had taken much convincing and not a little money on his part to gain the agreement of the publican to lend him the pig for the night. The pig was domesticated and required only a steady supply of ale, contained in a barrel purchased and now held by Amrothos, to follow the Swan Knight through deserted alleys, up to the next level and down a disused blind alley that contained the hidden entrance to a secret passage that led back to the palace, known to only a handful of people.

Faramir went to collect the goose, duck and rooster that he had purchased earlier in the day from the commercial district and had hidden in another secret passage that led from the commercial district back to the palace. Faramir, having made his way through a labyrinth of connected passages, stopped near the twins’ room. It was not long before he heard Amrothos berating the pig for having a hog of an appetite for ale. His admonishment was followed in short order by a very deep resounding burp, which Faramir assumed came from the pig or so he hoped. The young Swan Knight’s task was made all the more difficult because he was holding a glowing lantern as well as the barrel of ale, the contents of which had diminished alarmingly. Amrothos stopped when he saw his cousin, upon which the pig collapsed slowly to the ground; passed out drunk.

“It is a good thing that you can levitate heavy objects, Fara” Amrothos sighed ruefully as he and Faramir looked down upon the soused, slumbering piece of pork, which must have weighed at least five hundred pounds.

Faramir looked about him in the soft light of several lit lanterns to check that they had all the items necessary. The items included two largish, filled barrels with cork stoppers located on the outside of each barrel close to the bottom. Behind the stopper of each barrel, on the inside, was a thin piece of wood larger than the hole to stop it from escaping through the hole. Attached to the piece of wood was a length of twine, which had been threaded through the hole before the cork stopper was inserted. Another length of twine had been threaded through the cork stopper of each barrel. In addition to the barrels and twine, there were two lengths of rope each of which was attached to a pile of rocks encased in rope netting. Two large single rocks were attached to the two piles netted rocks by a much smaller length of rope. Lastly there were two wooden catapults, standing about waist height and a large plump hemp bag, such as in which potatoes were transported.

The cousins waited with their strange collection of items and animals, until they heard a series of knocks on the wall signalling that the twins were asleep and in their beds. Faramir opened the secret door and emerged from behind a large bookcase, which was mounted on a false wall and swung open into the room on hinges, like a door. Legolas and Gimli’s smiles attested to the success of their part of the prank, the twins being well and truly asleep having been relieved of their leggings and tunics and dressed in their nightshirts by the Mirkwood elf and the dwarf.

Faramir shooed his brother and Gimli from the room with the advice that they should be ready at dawn to return to witness the results of their efforts. Legolas signalled Misto to come but the little creature hissed at him and refused outright. Faramir allowed Misto to stay but told him to keep to a corner of the room. Misto obeyed without question, much to Legolas’ annoyance.

With his brother and Gimli gone, Faramir and Amrothos began to gather the items from the secret passage and place them strategically in the room. Faramir levitated each pile of rocks, with attached single rock, to the top of the rafter located high up above, about four feet clear from the end of each bed. He then used his wizarding skills to wrap the rope around the wooden pegs that had been nailed earlier into the side of the rafter, thread the rope over the rafter and fall to the floor and coil haphazardly on the floor. A catapult was placed about eight feet away from the end of each bed and half the contents of the hemp bag placed into each catapult. The wizardling then levitated each barrel onto the rafter in close proximity to each pile of netted rocks. The other ends of the two lengths of twine dangled from the barrels and coiled on the floor. Faramir levitated his cousin up to the rafter so that Amrothos could tie the pieces of twine attached to the corks to the top of the pile of netted rocks. Lowering his cousin to the ground, Faramir proceeded to tie the other piece of twine attached to the thin piece of wood located inside each of the barrels, to each of the catapults. The ends of the rope coiled on the floor, which were attached to single rocks, which in turn were attached to the piles of netted rocks, were tied around one of each twin’s ankles. Throughout the process, Faramir kept checking that the twins were indeed still in deep sleep.

Faramir added the final touches by levitating the huge, slumbering pig out of the secret passage and onto Elladan’s bed. The elf never stirred. Finally, the cousins, calmly and quietly, let the duck, goose and rooster out of their cages and into the room. Thankfully, the animals remained strangely quiet, which Faramir realised was due to Misto’s presence. Pleased with their efforts, the cousins and Misto left the twins’ bedroom via the secret passage and made their way to their own beds.

Elladan was the first to emerge from reverie the next morning, as the first rays of sunshine entered their bedroom, to the feel of hot breath on the back of his neck.

“Roh, get back to your own bed. Your breath stinks of ale,” he mumbled, elbowing his brother only to discover that something much bigger, softer and smellier, lay in the bed beside him.

Yelping, Elladan jumped out of bed only to find himself jerked by the ankle and up towards the ceiling as the pull of the rope round his ankle dislodged the single rock on the rafter, which then dislodged the netted rocks, which fell the floor, pulling him towards the ceiling. His yelp of distress woke both the rooster, who began to crow from his perch at the head of Elrohir’s bed and his brother. Elrohir jumped from his bed in fright only to find himself in the same position as his brother, upended and hanging from the rafter by an ankle, his long raven hair dangling beneath him and his nightshirt around his neck, exposing him.

As the piles of netted rocks had hit the ground, the pieces of twine that ran from the corks of the barrels to the netted rocks, dislodged the corks, thus spilling the contents of the barrels onto the twins. The barrels were filled with a mixture of molasses and water, making a very sticky mixture, which oozed quite freely from the barrels and onto the hapless, inverted twins. The yelping of the twins excited the duck, goose, pig and rooster, which began, in turn, to quack, honk, squeal and crow, waking all the occupants in the wing housing the King and Steward.

Elrond, being the closest in location to the twins’ sleeping chamber, was the first on the scene, followed in quick order by Aragorn and Arwen, who arrived just in time to see the now empty barrels fall from their perch, tugging on the twine that attached them to the catapults. Legolas, Gimli, Maglor, Imrahil, Gandalf and Thranduil arrived in time to see the contents of the catapults, feathers, shoot towards the twins who were struggling to keep their nightshirts from exposing them and thus their modesty. All the while the duck was still quacking, the pig squealing, the rooster crowing and the goose honking.

“Like twin, feathered bats,” Elrond said surveying his sticky, feather-coated sons calmly and mentally shaking hands with his friend Adrahil for breeding true.

It was at this point that Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas, all of whom had just watched the chaotic scene in stunned silence, lost it completely, laughing so hard that they needed the support of walls and doorframes. Thranduil and Arwen laughed merrily, Gandalf smiled and Maglor chortled. Imrahil just shook his head, eyes wide as he surveyed the chaos. Faramir and Amrothos arrived on the scene with such wide-eyed looks of astonishment and innocence that both Maglor and Imrahil snorted and Elrond laughed heartily. Faramir and his cousin both saw Boromir up in the rafter, his booming laughter bringing smiles to their faces.

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