Faramir Fiction Archive

The Road Ahead (NC-17)

Written by Valkyrie

18 December 2007 | 23561 words

Title: He Gave Up Too Soon
Series: THE ROAD AHEAD (Part 4/8)
Sequel to: THE RITUAL
Author: Valkyrie (email)
Pairings: Aragorn/Faramir, Aragorn/Arwen (implied), Faramir/Éowyn (implied)
Rating: NC-17
Archive: Yes, but let me know where
Warnings: m/m relationship
Summary: A decision, regret and two stubborn men.
Authors’ note: This is totally AU. If you like to read things canon, this is not a story for you.
Feedback: Kind words will be welcome as well as constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: The characters are property of J.R.R. Tolkien. I have not and will not receive any money for this story. It is free for all to read.

Very especial thanks to my beta reader Chris. All remaining mistakes are mine.

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Part Four – He Gave Up Too Soon

When Arwen entered the royal chamber and Aragorn was nowhere to be seen, she was not surprised. She wished that Aragorn had waited, though, for in her opinion it was too soon for Faramir to face him. Nevertheless, she could understand Aragorn’s reasons for being hasty. She knew Aragorn all too well, and she was certain that his feelings of guilt over this matter would not be appeased for a very long time, if ever.

The whole affair had been very unfortunate for both men. Most of his life Aragorn had felt unworthy of occupying his rightful position as King of Men, considering his bloodline to be the vessel of inherited weakness. She was certain that, right now, Aragorn considered himself the guilty one in all that had happened, paying no regard to the fact that he was only one more victim in a chain of events unleashed centuries ago.

And Faramir. Poor gentle soul. His entire life being criticized by a father that never saw the treasure he had at hand. All his life trying to live up to his father’s expectations but it was never enough. So, even though he was a fine and seasoned warrior, deep inside he was vulnerable to anything that could make him appear as weak or unworthy. And what had happened to him was certainly something that could break Faramir forever. She only hoped the young man would be himself again in time, she only hoped Faramir would allow Aragorn to help him, so they could both be healed.

In that moment Aragorn entered the room interrupting her reverie. She looked at his forlorn face and knew that everything had gone wrong.

“You talked to him.” It was more a statement than a question. “I gather that not all went well.”

Aragorn looked at her for a moment and walked to the balcony where she was standing. He surveyed the landscape and seemed to fix his gaze on Ithil high in the sky. He did not say a word but his hands tightened around the rail until his knuckles were white.

Arwen could see that he was trying so hard to get a hold on his emotions that his entire figure began to tremble with the effort.

“Everything will be fine, Aragorn. You have to have faith that everything will be fine. Faramir is hurting right now. He needs time to heal and think things over.” Arwen put her arms around his waist and rested her face against his back, feeling the little tremors that were running through him.

“He wanted to leave the city in the state he is in,” Aragorn started to say. “He renounced his duty as steward and that says a lot to how he feels about this situation. I did not let him. I ordered him to fulfil his duty; once more. I did not allow him to leave either. I told him he could leave the city when the healer considers it safe for his health.”

Aragorn paused in his explanation, and for a moment Arwen thought he was done speaking, but then she felt him sag against her, his legs failing him as he slowly slid down to the floor. Arwen tightened her hold around his waist and followed him down, making soothing noises all the time.

They stayed like that for a long time. Aragorn with his hands grasping Arwen’s arms so tight it hurt and Arwen, resting her head against his back, all the time words of reassurance on her lips. She could not see his face but she did not need to. She could feel the despair, guilt and desolation radiating from his soul and silent sobs racking his body.

Morning came wrapped in a gloomy sky that seemed to be in tune with Gondor rulers’ emotions for the King and the Steward lay in bed, each one in their own world of pain.

Faramir had slept through the night, pent up emotions catching up with him at last and Éowyn had remained at his side the entire time. She was used to this kind of vigil from the time her uncle was sick. Now, she would do it again out of the love she felt for Faramir. She did not know where this love would lead her for she knew Faramir loved only Aragorn. But that did not matter, she had always followed her heart and until now, her heart had never betrayed her.

A sudden movement from the figure on the bed brought her out of her reverie. She watched as Faramir opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a few moments as though not knowing where he was, but then, the gaze filled with awareness and once more pain came to reside in the grey orbs.

“How are you feeling?”

Faramir was startled for a moment, turning his face toward the sound of the voice. A sad smile grazed his lips when he saw Éowyn and then he reached out to her.

Éowyn approached the bed, taking the offered hand in both of hers.

“I am feeling better; your presence helped me. It is strange but… when Aragorn…”

Faramir faltered for a moment and Éowyn thought he was going to break down again. She readied herself to give whatever comfort he needed. But then Faramir sighed and fixed her with his gaze.

“…when the king left,” he continued, “I felt I was alone, I felt I have no family, no one to look up to. No one for my own. But now I have you and I will hold onto that and I will do my best to make you happy, my Lady Éowyn.”

Éowyn’s sparkling smile was a gift for Faramir’s eyes and he knew in that moment that he would come to love her.

It did not escape Éowyn, though, that Faramir had started to call Aragorn, king.

Aragorn did not know how he had been able to attend the council meeting all morning without falling apart in front of his subjects. Faramir was constantly in his thoughts, and at least two times he had been caught unawares, Galen jumping in to help him with the issue at hand. Blessed him. It seemed the advisor had been watching him with a hawk’s eye during the meeting, ready to step in when necessary. The good advisor knew very well what Aragorn was going through in those moments.

With the meeting over at last, Aragorn sought the quiet of his chambers. He was tempted to take a detour for the healing rooms to ask Varan about Faramir, but he thought it was better not to. The young man wanted nothing to do with him, and he would honour that request at least.

He thought about the council meeting and how difficult it had been for him today without having Faramir present. He did not want to think how it would be when Faramir recovered. He did not want to think about how it would be to have Faramir in the same room and talk with him about state matters as though nothing had happened. The only thing he knew for sure was that it was going to be a torture having Faramir so close without being able to speak of his love for him, without being able to embrace him, to kiss him, to…

It was going to be an excruciating torture.

He entered his rooms to find Arwen already there; a table set up on the balcony with what appeared to be lunch.

“I figured you have not eaten your lunch yet?” she half asked, half stated. “So I ordered lunch to be brought to our rooms, I guess you are not in the mood to join everybody else in the dining room?”

Aragorn thought that, as always, Arwen was being more perceptive and this was as well her own way to ensure he ‘ate’ something. He could not help but smile.

“You know me too well, my love,” he said, chuckling to Arwen’s delight, “You saw through my intentions. I must confess, I was going to skip lunch, but now that you went to these lengths to have me fed, I cannot refuse such an offer.”

Arwen was happy that he was showing some of the old Aragorn, the happy one, the teasing one. But she was not fooled; she knew he had an awful time at the council meeting. It was to be expected. As it was too soon for Faramir to face Aragorn, maybe it was too soon for Aragorn to attend to the duties of a king. But, no one could keep Aragorn from his duty.

Varan was having a bad day. He thought that if the situation continued, the healer was going to need a healer himself.

“My lord Faramir, for your own good I would prefer it if you stay in the healing rooms at least two more days-”

“To what purpose? I do not intend to go into a deep sleep any time soon. As I see it, I only need to eat well and recover my strength. I feel much stronger already! I do not see why I cannot go and recover in my own room,” said Faramir, objecting once more.

“But my lord-”

“This discussion is going nowhere, Varan, I do not need your permission to go to my chambers and if you are so worried that I would strain myself, then you better help me.”

Éowyn, who was watching the whole argument with great amusement, decided that it was time to intervene.

“Varan, it is alright. I can make sure that our Lord Steward does not overexert himself. My rooms are close to his so-”

“No, they are not,” interrupted Faramir, “I know your rooms are in the royal wing and mine are closer to-”

“Faramir, allow me to inform you that the steward of the realm cannot keep on living in such a distant wing and taking that into account, you are now to live in the royal wing as well. Besides-”

“What!” Faramir tone was not of amusement. It was closer to shock, mingled with a great deal of rebellion and a little bit of despair.

And now it was Varan’s turn to be amused as Éowyn prepared herself to give another good reason for Faramir’s new rooms. Nevertheless, he thought that enough was enough.

“My lord, I am afraid that as a healer I am the one that has the last word as far as your health is concerned and I can declare that your new rooms are by far more beneficial due to their great windows. Having that in mind, I will let you move to your new rooms,” said Varan, his eyes fixed on Faramir letting him know that a healer’s command will not be deterred. “Would that be alright with you?”

Faramir found himself cornered. He thought it was totally unfair, for it was two against one.

And then, another thought slipped into his mind, sending his heart into a mad rhythm for a moment. It was going to be impossible to avoid Aragorn during his staying in Gondor.

And that thought let to a realisation. Something that his, until now, muddled mind had not taken into account. As a steward it would be impossible not to see Aragorn. They both would have to attend the council meetings, public acts, and public celebrations.

“My lord?” asked Varan again, a hint of worry in his voice.

Faramir realized Varan and Éowyn where expecting an answer and watching his every move with concern. He had lost all his will to fight; he suddenly felt exhausted.

“Yes, Varan. I accept your conditions.”

It was no use after all the fuss he had caused to say that he had changed his mind, and he now wanted to stay in the healing rooms— as much as he wanted to do so.

The days passed by and to Faramir’s relief, he had not seen Aragorn. The fact that Faramir did not leave his rooms for anything helped a great deal.

He was going crazy with the confinement though. His recovery had been fast, and now he wanted to go out there and ride his horse again and travel to his favourite spot.

‘Even if it brings you memories you do not want?’ A little voice inside his head reminded him.

He shook his head to get rid of the traitorous little voice that was his companion these days. He did not want to start thinking about Aragorn again. He did not want to dwell on the fact that Aragorn had given up on them so easily.

‘But did you not make it clear, you do not want him? You even renounced your duty.’

“I know! But I would have wanted for him to-”

A knock distracted him from his fruitless discussion with himself and he went to open the door.

“Éowyn! My saviour as always.”

“And from what am I saving you this time?” she asked with amusement in her voice as she entered the chambers.

“From myself I guess,” he answered and shrugged his shoulders indicating that it was of no importance. He knew she could not be fooled, and he was thankful when she did not press the issue.

“Dinner is on the way. I decided to keep you company this night, for you must be bored to death in these rooms.”

He knew this was Éowyn’s way to tell him to go out. But he did not acknowledge the hint. They walked to the balcony and sat in uncomfortable silence.

Éowyn did not know how to approach the issue. Faramir was recovered but nevertheless chose to hide in his rooms. She knew very well the reason for it. He did not want to face Aragorn. She decided that today was as good as any other day to press the issue once more.

“You will have to face him sooner or later,” she said, startling Faramir from the depths of his own thoughts.

Faramir did not look at her but seemed to sink even deeper into himself.

For Éowyn it seemed an age before Faramir answered her comment.

“I know. I know I am behaving like a child. I do not know what to think anymore. I do not know what I feel. Or what I want.”

“You love him. That is what you feel. No need to think about what you want. You love him and that should guide your judgment,” said Éowyn, her voice soft and comforting.

“Yes. I cannot deny it. But, does he? Does he feel the same I feel for him?” He glanced at Éowyn, a pleading look in his eyes.

“He loves you, Faramir, you can be sure of that.”

“How can this be when…”

Faramir paused for a moment. He felt ashamed to think this way. He felt like a spoilt child whose plans did not go as wanted. He knew that at first he had tried to go as far away as possible from Gondor. He felt hurt and ashamed and dirty. But then Aragorn did not let him. So he was forced to stay and face his situation and, of course, to think about how his future would be, a future that included Aragorn. He could not escape that. Sooner or later he would have to face Aragorn; he would have to be near him and talk to him.

And now he could not help but feel miserable and lost and rejected, for Aragorn denied him every means of escape, and he did not have any hope of rebuilding what they had.

Éowyn waited patiently for Faramir to put his thoughts in order knowing how difficult it was for him to express his feelings or acknowledge vulnerability.

“No, Éowyn, everything is lost between us. He will always be at odds with what he did as he clearly stated. I will always be a reminder of that shameful act… even if it was nobody’s fault; he would always feel responsible.”

“You are wrong, Faramir,” said Éowyn, this time exasperation clear in her voice. “He loves you dearly and if only you would approach him, he will not doubt for a moment-”

“He told me I would not have to endure his presence more than necessary. He clearly does not want to-”

“He said that because he thought that was your wish. You told him you wanted to leave, did you not?”

Faramir did not answer.

And Éowyn lost her patience.

“Both of you are blind!” she said, rising from her chair. “You do not want to see how much he loves you; you feel you are unworthy of love, your fear does not let you take the necessary steps to recover what you had. And as for him, he gave up too soon, guided by a sense of honour that has no business in this matter, too blind to see your deepest desires.”

And with that final statement Éowyn left the room. The prospect of dinner was not appealing anymore.

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