Faramir Fiction Archive

The Price (R)

Written by Minx

28 February 2003 | 34809 words

Chapter 11

Haldir felt he could hear his heart beating in his ears when Faramir’s lips touched his. Arms still wrapped around the other’s slender figure he closed his eyes and let himself be swept into a state of complete bliss. The same bliss he had almost let himself into a day ago. When Faramir moved away, he still kept his eyes closed feeling the lingering touch of his lips on his. They had been swollen and rough but in better condition than the day before.

Faramir gave a small gasp that quickly turned into a sob.

“I – I am sorry,” he whispered his voice shaking with the unshed tears that glimmered in his eyes, “I did not mean to –“

Haldir opened his eyes slowly, and stared back at Faramir’s distraught face. The grey eyes were once again filling up, and the mouth that had just been kissing him was quivering. Faramir clasped his shaking hands together in his lap, and averted his eyes from Haldir’s scrutiny, his face reddening under the bruises.

“Please forgive me,” the soft voice could barely be heard.

Haldir put out a graceful hand, and hooking it carefully under the young man’s chin, raised up his face. The tears had spilled over now, tracing their way down the still swollen cheeks. He was about to tell him it did not matter, that there was nothing to forgive. Faramir’s kiss had been everything he had dreamt it would be, if not more. What they had shared in the cellar had had an element of duress in it, with each feeling the other was submitting under compulsion, and at the same time being ashamed of their own selves for deriving fulfillment from it.

But the sight of Faramir’s forlorn face, with the immense unhappiness lurking in the eyes, made him forget all that. Raising his other hand, he gently wiped the tears away, and drawing the man’s head close to his, gently kissed him on the forehead.

“Do not apologise,” he whispered softly. Faramir stared back at him mutely, eyes still glistening, his expression reduced to one of such vulnerability, that Haldir suddenly enveloped his arms around him, and drew his head against his chest. Careful to avoid causing the injured man any discomfort, he ran a hand lovingly through the raven locks, and kissed the top of Faramir’s head gently. Feeling the other’s hand clutch uncertainly at his tunic, a desperate vice-like grip, he wrapped his own hand around it, and squeezed tightly, feeling the racing pulse underneath. Lifting the bunched fist, he interlocked his own graceful fingers with the slender ones and bringing the hand up to his mouth, he gently kissed it. Faramir raised his head and gazed up at him in surprise.

They stayed that way, gazes interlocking, hand in hand, with no words exchanged each trying to discern the unreadable expression of the other. Faramir found his heart mired in confusion. After the events he had been through, he felt he was losing his grip on clarity. His mind sent him confusing signals. After Fenekor’s mauling, he had thought he would never be comfortable even near another person’s presence ever again, but Haldir had turned that theory on its head. Not only had he felt a warmth and comfort in his sinewy arms, he found himself desiring it even more. The sight of Haldir made him remember their kiss together, made him remember that his heart had raced wildly at the prospect. In Boromir’s arms he could find security and affection and love, but in Haldir’s arms he found something greater than that, he could not even describe what it was. He just found himself desiring more of it, whatever it was. And now he found the elf kissing his fingers, sending a tingling sensation through his body, a feeling of arousal. One that made him forget what he had been through, one that made him forget the pain that coursed through is muscles every time he even so much as moved an inch. He felt himself being transported to an entirely different plane of existence, one where he and Haldir were all that mattered, and nothing else.

Haldir in turn was horrified with himself. He felt he had taken advantage of Faramir’s battered state of mind. Faramir was emotionally very weak and probably in his mind searching for any source of true affection. Haldir wondered if Faramir felt betrayed by Denethor. He had seen enough of the young man to know that he would deny it upfront, not just to anyone else, but even to himself. Whatever Denethor thought of his younger son, his son did not reciprocate in kind. That he still strove for the father’s love was as clear as day and that this love was still not forthcoming was just as clear. It angered Haldir that despite all that had occurred Denethor’s attitude towards Faramir had undergone merely a tiny improvement. He simply displayed a small degree of concern that had been absent earlier, that was all.

He supposed it was difficult to change years of reasoning, even though to him, Denethor’s years were a miniscule number. In such a situation, he reasoned to himself, Faramir would jump for affection of any kind. He wondered whether, had Fenekor been a little kinder, would Faramir have willingly submitted to him, merely to gain a feeling of being wanted? Haldir was after all, the only other person who had contact with Faramir now. Boromir’s affection was assured, and that left him. Faramir was crying to be loved, and he was taking advantage of the situation by lusting after the boy, for what else could he call one so young?

He slowly disentangled their fingers and placed Faramir’s hand down gently. Lowering his hand from the head, he placed it on the other’s shoulders, loosening the grip, and schooled his features into what he hoped was a look of detachment.

“Do not apologise,” he repeated, ignoring the disappointed expression on Faramir’s face, “you are –”

Faramir promptly clutched his hand again, gripping it tightly unwilling to relinquish the hold. He had thought when Haldir was kissing him that his feelings were being reciprocated, something he had never imagined. Haldir sighed, and loosened the grip with ease, Faramir being too weak to clutch really tightly. He gently placed the young man’s hand down, and stared back at him. Faramir’s face fell immediately, and Haldir felt his heart tug at the sight.

“You are angry with me,” the man said softly, his eyes reflecting a strange despair.

“No!” Haldir said forcefully, and then softened his voice, as the distress on the other’s face grew larger.

“I do not want to hurt you,” Haldir said quietly.

“You could never hurt me,” Faramir said with surprising fervour. His voice was still soft, but there was a strength to it that had not been there earlier.

“Please do not leave me,” he continued his voice laced with the same desperation his eyes reflected, “I will not will not – force my attentions on you if you do not desire it, but please – stay a while.”

Haldir sighed, “You would not be forcing yourself,” he said honestly, “But you do not know what you want. You are unwell, and I suspect being alone here all day, has not been of aid. Much as I find myself attracted to you, I will not take advantage of your fragile state.”

Faramir gaped at him, “Fragile?” he questioned his voice taking on a high-pitched note.

“Yes, you need support and love, and not another man’s lust,” Haldir continued, “Fenekor gave you enough of that.” He felt Faramir stiffening and cursed his own hasty words. Any mention of that monster seemed to affect the young man in his arms.

“I understand,” Faramir said brokenly, lowering his eyes, “I know I cannot ask you to reciprocate what I find myself feeling towards you, you are one of the Eldar. ”

“What you feel towards me?” Haldir stared back at the unhappy face bent down in front of him.

“Yes, when we kissed in the cellar. I have – I have never felt anything like that.” Faramir said without looking up.

“Merely a change from that brute’s assault,” Haldir told him firmly, resisting the urge to brush the swollen lips with his fingers hoping to give them succour.

“You think I have feelings towards you, because of what Fenekor did to me?” Faramir asked softly, glancing up into Haldir‘s face finally understanding what Haldir was trying to say.

“Yes, you do, you are vulnerable right now, and I do not blame you. What he did to you -”

“What he did to me?” Faramir’s voice became raised, “What he did to me? Would you like to know what he did to me? He – he -,” Faramir found himself choking, the words coming out brokenly, unable to even speak clearly, “So many times, it hurt so much, and he beat me, and he whipped me, and – and he used his hands on me,” he closed his eyes, shuddering as he spoke, the terrible memories assailing his overwrought mind over and over again. He could still see Fenekor’s leering face in front of him and the hands reaching for him, he could hear the derisory voice, feel the hands groping him, feel the unbearable pain ripping through his very being over and over again, with each renewed assault on his battered body. He was breathing raggedly now, causing Haldir to look at him in concern.

Faramir opened his eyes, still breathing rapidly, blinking to dissipate the horrific images and memories, and ignoring Haldir’s worried expression, spoke again, his eyes set on his hands, “I thought I would never be able to stand anyone even come anywhere near me. When he said that he would give me to his soldiers for their entertainment, and stand there watching the fun, I thought I would like to die right then. He – he said he would – he would keep me, for his use as he pleased.” Haldir listened with horror to Fenekor’s plans

The derisive words tripped out of the young man’s mouth bitterly, “That I was merely a prostitute, up for offer to whoever it pleased, sold by my father for the sake of a few companies of war.”

“When he told me to give myself to you,” Faramir continued unheeding of the growing shock on the elf’s face, “I wanted to die right then rather than have you see me in such a position. And then I thought of the pain, and it scared me even further that one more time I would have to go through that. I thought I would have to force myself to even stand near you. But when you kissed me, all that was forgotten. I knew I would never be scared of being near you. I wanted you, Haldir, how much I wanted you! I wanted you to take me, to make love to me, I knew you would never hurt me.”

“You do not know what you are saying,” Haldir insisted softly, still in shock over everything he had heard.

Faramir shook his lowered head, “I do. You think all this has made me weaker. It has not. It has made me stronger. After what Fenekor put me through, I can go through anything else. After that, even death was not a scary prospect. There is no worse that can be done to me.”

“That is what I’m saying,” Haldir said, “Any feelings you have are merely because –”

“No! I desire you, Haldir, I need you, I love you,” Faramir said raising his head and gazing straight back at Haldir’s eyes, “And I know you will not return the sentiment, but I do not mind.”

“You love me?” Haldir whispered softly, ignoring the warning signals his brain sent out. He didn’t care any more. Suddenly, he did not mind even taking advantage of this luscious youth in front of him.

Ignoring the protests his mind sent out, he suddenly closed his mouth on Faramir’s gently kissing him, a long loving kiss, as their tongues explored each other’s mouths, he ran his hand slightly over the other’s body, down the back, over the legs, all over him.

Faramir was similarly feeling Haldir’s body, sending sparks of desire racing through him.

They came apart flushed and breathing raggedly.

“I should not,” Haldir breathed, “you are weak. You have been through much. I will not add to your misery.”

“You cannot,” Faramir said raggedly, “Do you not understand, you cannot make me more miserable. I was defiled by another man. One who had my father’s consent to do so. And I did not protest. What could be worse than that?”

Faramir’s bluntness made Haldir wince. The man’s face was laced with unhappiness and desperation and pain.

“I want you,” Faramir said simply, the desperation having left his voice to be replaced by a quiet calmness, “You said I would not be forcing myself. If you desire me too, Haldir, take me. While there is the time, Haldir.”

The lips closed in on Haldir’s again, submitting completely to him. Haldir moved his arms along the supple slim body in his arms, rubbing gently, feeling the other buck under him in pleasure as his tongue roved inside the mouth, and his hands slipped under the robe to touch the soft skin it covered. Faramir stiffened when the fingers encountered the welts on his back forcing Haldir to pull away. He stared into the grey eyes and sighed.

Faramir’s face was flushed, “Why do you stop?” he breathed out roughly, hands still wrapped around Haldir’s body. He ran his fingers lightly over the elf’s chest, tracing a path slowly down his lower belly, and then coming to a stop. Haldir sighed yet again, still holding onto the young man, ensuring that he moved as little as possible to avoid feeling his aches. He removed Faramir’s hand that had now moved lower to where his erection was fast making its presence felt.

“Do you not like it? Will you not make love to me?” the young man whispered softly, his eyes taking on the same unhappy look again.

“We can share no more than kisses,” Haldir said firmly, “I could not possibly take you to bed with me, while you are in such a state as this.”

“I own I could not do that right now,” Faramir admitted, “I fear I can barely move without help. But at least we may sit together. At least we may know that we feel for each other. You will return to Lórien soon, will you not? In what little time we have, may we not take pleasure in each other’s company? Will you not derive enjoyment from the kisses we share, as I derive enjoyment from your very caress, your very touch? It is all I ask, and I grieve I can offer you no more, for while my heart wills it, my body betrays me.”

Lórien Faramir was right, he would have to return soon. What was he doing? Giving in to Faramir and then discarding him. How could he do that to the boy?

“The council was fruitful today?” Faramir asked suddenly. He shifted slightly, trying to get into a comfortable position against Haldir’s chest, only to gasp, as the pain hit him.

“Do not move!” Haldir said immediately, “you exert yourself too much.”

“The council?” Faramir gritted his teeth as a fresh wave of pain swept over him

“It is too early to tell,” Haldir muttered.

“Your face tells all.”

“What do you mean?” Haldir frowned a little. The council for the day, had not ended on terms favourable to Gondor, but then Denethor had asked for too much. An alliance against the darkness rising from Mordor, but few were the takers for all had their own lands to defend against it.

“You look tired,” Faramir replied, settling his head down against Haldir’s chest, wrapping one arm loosely around his waist. Haldir looked down at him. The robe was in disarray, and he could make out the injuries across Faramir’s back. He frowned slightly, “Have your injuries been tended to today?”

“I think Boromir checked them in the morning, or perhaps that was a dream?” Faramir muttered, his voice suddenly sounding exhausted and laced with pain.

“I will see them now,” Haldir offered, and gently lifting the young msn up, carefully to avoid hurting him further.

Faramir curled up on his side, while Haldir fetched some water and herbs. Loosening the rove, he observed the bruises and marks, and applied salves wherever required. Faramir’s face remained set throughout except a few times when a faint hiss seemed to emanate from his lips. Haldir tried his best not to add to the pain, but the wounds were still tender, and merely brushing them caused pain. He could see a wetness glistening against the dark eyelashes fringing the closed eyes. A faint sheen of sweat glimmered upon the quiet face.

“The council ends in two days, does it not? When do you leave for Lórien?” Faramir’s voice broke through his reverie.

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