Faramir Fiction Archive

That which you can never have (NC-17)

Written by Anorienbean

24 April 2007 | 23005 words

Chapter 4

Early the next morning, even before breakfast, Haldir was knocking softly on Faramir’s door. Faramir, for his part, had already been awake for quite some time, trying not to give in to the anticipation of another day’s visit with the beautiful Elf, yet unable to sleep due to the very idea that they might get to talk again. Other than Haldir’s initial surprise at Faramir’s circumstances, he had hardly mentioned anything unpleasant, though he did ask why Faramir’s father had bothered with tutors when his son had never been outside of his ‘home.’ Faramir had explained that his tutor was really his mother’s brother, who had, despite Denethor’s protests, felt that Faramir deserved an education. Faramir’s love of learning had both pleased and inspired his uncle to return day after day until he felt there was nothing more he could teach his student, and settled for sending him several books every month, though he had never managed to find the time to return for just a visit, the sight and sounds of the other patients in the sickhouse finally becoming too much for him.

Faramir had dressed earlier and bade Haldir to enter before he had even finished knocking. The blond Elf wished Faramir a good morning and then inquired if he might have the honor of helping him to the window that day.

Faramir tried to keep the surprise from his face as he nodded and moved as well as he could to the edge of the bed. Before he did anything else, Haldir took a pillow from his bad and placed it against the back of the chair, then held out his arms to Faramir. Gentle hands slid underneath the young man’s legs and his arms wound around Haldir’s neck. He was lifted easily and deposited more carefully than he could ever remember in the chair by the window. He felt the warmth of Haldir’s body against his own for all too brief a time before it was gone and he wondered if the Elf had felt it as well. It felt… safe, and comfortable, yet at the same time, it caused Faramir’s stomach to tie in an odd little knot.

That day’s routine was much like the day before, and the days after. After almost two weeks had passed, Haldir and Faramir had talked about everything from Men to Elves, and orcs to wizards, from books and legends to the far away people that Faramir watched every day from his window. Still, they seemed to have more to discuss, and neither tired of the other’s company. The aids had stopped coming to move Faramir, except to take him to the baths, and were now accustomed to bringing food for two every day to the young man’s room. Haldir no longer had to ask for permission to move Faramir, and each time, he held his friend as carefully as if he were made of the finest, most delicate and priceless crystal. He was quickly beginning to feel more than friendship for Faramir, and the way Faramir’s face lit up whenever he walked into the room made Haldir wonder if he could possibly feel the same way.

After several weeks, Haldir was a bit late arriving at Faramir’s room. Faramir had wondered if the Elf had left Gondor without telling him, or had found someone else to talk to – someone he could be seen with, or do ‘normal’ things with, rather than sit in a small, dull room all day and do nothing more than talk. By the time he heard the familiar knock on the door, he was sure it was one of the aides with a message from Haldir wishing him all the best and saying that he would not be returning. The door opened, however, and there he was, golden and beautiful, and Faramir almost wept with relief. He’d dressed himself long before, and when Haldir reached for him, Faramir simply closed his eyes and practically clung to him with every bit of strength he had.

Rather than the familiar feeling of Haldir walking a few steps and sitting him on the chair, however, Faramir felt himself moving in another direction entirely… toward the door. “Haldir?”

“There is something I want to show you,” Haldir smiled, relishing the feeling of Faramir resting against him. “And I thought some fresh air might do you good.”

“Fr… fresh air?” Faramir’s eyes grew wide and he trembled. “But… but I’ve never… someone will see me and…”

“Hush,” Haldir chided him. “We are only stepping out behind the house. There are chairs there, just like in your room, and no one can see us.”

Faramir relaxed slightly, but was still unsure. They stepped outside moments later and a small gasp fell from his lips as he looked around them, unconsciously holding on to Haldir all the more tightly. No one was in sight, that much was true, but the trees and the grass and even flowers were almost close enough to touch and Faramir was almost overwhelmed by it all. When Haldir leaned over to put him in one of the chairs he’d sat there earlier, Faramir’s grip around his neck only tightened, afraid to be alone in this new world, knowing that he would be completely helpless if Haldir decided to leave for any reason.

Haldir straightened and smiled, sensing Faramir’s nervousness. Without a word, he sat down in the chair himself and settled Faramir in his lap, entranced at the way the arms around his neck never loosened, yet clear blue eyes looked everywhere around them as if trying to take it all in at once. He simply watched Faramir for quite some time, thinking that as beautiful as Faramir found the world around him, it was nothing compared to his own beauty, of which Haldir was certain Faramir was unaware of.

As the sun rose high in the sky, Haldir and Faramir began to speak of their surroundings, and when Faramir’s pale face began turning pink from the sun, he stood, still holding Faramir close, and crossed the small patch of dirt the sickhouse was situated on. There was a large shade tree with grass underneath close by, and, rather than try and get Faramir to let go of him, Haldir simply settled among the tree’s roots with his companion in his lap.

Faramir still held on to Haldir with one arm, but the other finally loosened to let a shaking hand reach toward the grass, long fingers caressing each individual blade and Faramir’s mouth turning up in a smile as he saw a bright yellow flower beside them. He reached out for it, and would have fallen had Haldir not moved with him, still holding him tightly. Rather than pick it, however, Faramir simply let his fingers flutter over the petals lightly before leaning back into Haldir’s embrace. It never occurred to him to pull the such a lovely flower from the ground, Haldir knew. The Elf also knew that it was only a weed, but he had no intention of saying so… though he thought that even knowing that wouldn’t make Faramir feel any differently about it.

The day passed all too quickly, and Faramir was stunned to see that Haldir had arranged for their meals to be brought out to them. It had been the most exciting day Faramir could remember in his life, though they had never gotten past the outer boundaries of the sickhouse.

Dusk was falling around them by the time Haldir asked if Faramir was ready to return to his room, and the look in the young man’s eyes had made the Elf quickly promise that they could come back outside the next day, and the day after if he so wished. He stood, entered the sickhouse once more, and reluctantly handed Faramir off to one of the healer’s aides just outside the doors of the bathhouse. In almost no time at all, the aide returned, arms full of Faramir, and gladly handed him back off to Haldir as if he were nothing more than simply one more burden to add to his already overlyburdened life.

Haldir laid an exhausted Faramir back in his bed a short while later and laughed softly to himself when Faramir fell asleep before Haldir could even wish him a good night. Unable to resist, he simply watched his young friend sleep for while, reaching out to gently brush the hair from his forehead and place a chaste kiss there before leaving.

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