Faramir Fiction Archive

Tales Only Whispered (NC-17)

Written by Jewel

04 April 2004 | 6339 words | Work in Progress

Title: Tales only whispered WIP Part I-IX/?
Author: Jewel
Pairing: Faramir/Denethor, Faramir/Aragorn
Ratings: not sure, but to be save NC-17
Warnings: incest, violence
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all belongs to Mr Tolkien

Work In Progress

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Part 1: My father's bride

I still remember the first time. It was my birthday. Come to my private chambers tonight was all he said.
I haven’t been there since my mother’s death. That was years ago. I knocked at the door, my heart was pounding. Enter. I did as I was told. I’m here, Father, I whispered. He looked at me. There was a strange light in his eyes. Fear seized me. I wanted to run but instead I forced myself to stay. I have a present for you, he said calmly. He gave me a blue bundle. Unfolding it I recognised it at once. A coat … no not a coat… my mother’s coat! Blue as the sky on a clear summer night. The stars on it seemed to twinkle in the torch light. It was her coat, he said, it was my wedding present. I nodded in silence. And now it is yours, child. I held it pressed close to my body. Closing my eyes I tried to remember my mother ´s face. Thank you, Father. Put it on. I threw it around my shoulders. No! His voice was as cold as his gaze. Undress first. Nightmare. F… Father? Undress! Time seemed to flood away while I obeyed his command.
As I stood naked in front of him he put the coat around my shoulders and fastened it worth the thin silver chain. He looked at me. The light in his eyes grew more intense. Father? He wrapped me in his arms, his hands travelling across my body. Father? My voice sounded hollow. Please! He silenced me with a kiss. His tongue found its way into my mouth. Finduilas! The voice was full of warmth. Full of love. A love I have never experienced. I closed my eyes. My whole body went numb. Finduilas. All my senses seemed to leave me. Finuilas. Was this his voice or a voice inside my head? Darkness surrounded me. I fell…. I was caught by strong arms. …Suddenly I was lying on the bed. How did I get there? Finduilas! Father!
I felt his body on mine … a stabbing pain…. Something explodes inside me! Fire! Fire shot through my body. The darkness came again. I welcomed it. Finduilas! My eyes snapped open. Father! He collapsed down on me. His weight was taking my breath away. Finduilas. I felt pounding of his heart against my back. The fire inside me died down a little. Father? The coat was my present to her. His face was pressed close to mine. I loved her…my Finduilas. And now I love you, my Faramir…my Finduilas' child. Tears run down my face. He kissed my cheek. Faramir … my beautiful bride. He kissed me again. My tears burnt on my cheeks.
Suddenly the weight was lifted from me. I finally I could breath. Leave. His voice was cold again. Father? LEAVE! I looked into his face. Tears? Father? LEAVE!
And I ran…I ran until I reached the gardens. There I collapsed down under the white rose bushes. Roses my mother once planted. I cried till all tears had left me and I could cry no more.
It was a warm summer night with a clear dark-blue sky and thousands of twinkling stars. I fell asleep with my mother’s coat as my blanket. The coat that looked like the sky above me…

Part 2: The Throne of Gondor

My love…my beautiful one, he whispered into my ear, his beard brushing against my cheek. Do you love me? Yes, I do, my king. Do not call me king, my love. But you are…you are king. He kissed my lips. He took my hand and pulled me up the steps towards the throne. There he sat down. Come, he said softly, come my beautiful one. I froze.

Come, I heard his cold voice. I stood in the great hall only clad in my mother ´s coat. I have waited long enough. Where have you been, child? In the library, Father. He hissed with contempt. I felt his firm grip around my wrist. He dragged me across the great hall until we reached the steps leading up to the throne. There he gave me a bruising kiss. You look beautiful tonight. Thank you, Father. No king could have a more beautiful lover, he said pulling me up the stone steps. Father? He settled down on the white marble throne. The Throne of Gondor. Father, this is the king ´s seat! There is no king, he answered coldly. But tonight I am king of Gondor…and you are my queen. He pulled me down on his lap…

Faramir. Love. What is it? Nothing, my king, just a shadow form the past. He smiled. Do not think about the past anymore, my beautiful one. He kissed me softly on the forehead. It is all dead and gone, he said. Yes, I whispered. Dead and gone. Slowly and carefully my king began to undress me. His hands travelled up and down my body and he gave me a kiss on my shoulder. Your skin tastes so sweet, my lovely one, much sweeter than that of an elf. I smiled. That is a lie, my king. He pulled away. Never. Never would I lie to you, my love. He undressed and settled down again on his throne. I love you too much to tell you lies. He took both my hands and pulled me down so that our lips met for a kiss. I want to taste you …now… here on my throne, his voice sounded husky. You are the king; I closed my eyes as we kissed…

He forced his tongue into my mouth. Father, please, I tried desperately to pull away. WHAT? Anger flashed in his cold eyes, you disobey me? He pushed me so that I fell on the hard stone floor. Pain soared through my left shoulder. Father! I will teach you! He knelt down besides me and slapped me hard across my face. The coppery taste of blood was soon in my mouth. I will teach you, he shouted again. He unfastened the thin silver chain that held my mother ´s coat. Then he pulled me up from the floor. His iron grip war bruising my wrist. How dare you to defy me? His gaze was piercing me. He undressed, slowly and menacingly. Father! Please! He sneered as he grabbed his belt and stepped behind me. Please! Tears stood on my eyes. I braced myself for a beating…But it never came. He jerked back my arms and bound them with his belt. You are hurting me; I whispered…tears now running down my cheeks. Thank the Valar that I do not hurt you as much as you deserved, he spat. He gripped a handful of my hair and dragged me to the throne. And now you obey me, my child…my queen…my Finduilas. Tears came down from under my closed eyelids as he pressed me down on his lap…

My king was gentle. He would never hurt me. Nevertheless I cried. What is it, my beloved? There was a note of concern in his voice. Nothing. He was so gentle, so loving. Stop crying, please, my love, his whispered into my throat…

Stop crying or you will pay for it! Hands bound behind my back I sat on my father ´s lap. I felt his erection grind against my body. Do you hear me? I wasn ´t able to stop….a hard punch into my ribs…STOP IT! I do not want a crying brat…I want a Queen… for I am king tonight. He kissed me, bit my throat. I whimpered. Then without further ado he pulled me closer digging his fingernails hard into my hips as he pressed me hard on his lap….

Sorry, my beautiful one. I have forgotten. I swallowed, blinking away my tears. My king searched through his clothes. Ah. He uncorked the small bottle…fingers coated with oil he trailed down the way along my spine…

I felt pain soaring through my whole body as my father forced himself into me. I cried out. Fire. As always fire spread inside me. My Queen. His thrusts became more and more violent. I felt blood. Darkness came I knew it would conquer me soon. But no, this time the pain in my bound arms kept me awake. Time ebbed away, leaving me alone on my father ´s lap…

My king moved gently. His head was nuzzled against my chest. I had wrapped my arms around his neck. I love you…I love you so much he whispered. We moved in this soft rhythm. Slowly. Carefully. Always anxious not to hurt me. I love you too, my king, I said as he loved me on the Throne of Gondor.

Part III: At the Dead of Night

Master Faramir! Master Faramir! The words had fangs that bit through my sleep. Master Faramir! I didn’t ´t want to wake up. No, I told myself, that is part of my dreams. I pulled the blanket over my head and rolled myself into a tight ball. Master Faramir! No, I’m sleeping!
Someone touched my shoulder. Master Faramir, please, get up! I didn’t ´t want to open my eyes. Please! The hand was still on my shoulder. I grew cold. No, not tonight. Nausea came over me Please, Master Faramir! Someone shook me quite roughly. Moaning I disentangled myself from under my blanket. I blinked into the dimly lit face of one of my father ´s servants. Master Faramir, Lord Denethor is waiting. I don ´t want to see my father now…or ever again, I thought. Please, you know he hates waiting. Yes, he really hates it, I shuddered. I had to go. If I didn’t ´t he would come after me, and then … yes, then it would really hurt. Tell him I am coming. The servant nodded and left my chamber.

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard before I got up. It was at the dead of night. I was horribly tired. Slowly I went over to my desk. There, in the bottom drawer, I stored all my little secrets. I took out a small flask. Rosewater. My mother loved roses…I have grown to hate them. I poured a little of it out into my palm and then used it to smooth down my hair… I love the scent of roses Finduilas… I brushed away the thought of what was to come and put the flask back. With shaking fingers I unbuttoned my nightshirt. I won’t wear it. I won ´t need it anyway. He has already torn two of them – one beyond repair. I shivered as the cold night air hit my naked body. I stood in the middle of my room for a few moments not able to bring my self to move. You have to go. It took you already far too long to prepare. I opened the chest by the window and took out my blue coat. No, not my coat … Mother ´s coat. I closed my eyes and recalled the picture of my mother in Father’s bedroom. There she wore it. It looked so beautiful on her. A tear run down my cheek. Soon I will see that picture again. I drew the coat close around my still shivering body.

I went along the dark and deserted corridors. My naked feet patted hollow on the cold stone. I was freezing cold. Father always kept a roaring fire in his chambers, even in hot summer nights. He loved fire. Maybe because his heart was so cold… The sickness in my stomach increased with every step. I felt like I had swallowed a stone.

I was late. He will be furious. My heart was pounding faster and faster. The sentry who guarded the steward ´s private chambers gave me a pitiful glance as I passed him. I looked to the ground. Ashamed. Shock stabbed me like a dagger. I had reached my father ´s bedroom door. I swallowed down my nausea. I heard my blood rushing in my ears. I had to knock. I really had to knock. My arm was made of lead. It took me endlessly to lift it… I knocked.
ENTER…

Part IV: Fire

FIRE! FIRE! It was all around me! I felt the roaring heat on my skin. FIRE! The flames were licking at my body, scorching my hair. FIRE! The heat took my breath away. I saw his face above me. Father! The fire! His face split into an evil grin. He poured oil over my naked body. No, Father! I thrashed around trying to free myself but I was unable to. FIRE! Everywhere fire! He pressed me down with his body. Father, please! I can’t breathe! Father, we will burn alive! His grin became more menacingly. His hair was on fire! Father!

We will both burn; his calm voice was clearly audible despite the roaring of the fire. I will never part with you, my child. Father! He kissed me. His lips felt like hot metal as they were pressed on mine. I tired to scream. I couldn’t breathe. The fire, the fire! The weight of my father’s body increased more and more, pressing me down hard on the pyre. Father! His body burnt me more than the surrounding fire. The flames had enclosed us completely now. My child… my Faramir… my Finduilas, you will burn with me. The roaring of his voice was louder than the fire. His body consisted of nothing but flames. Father! FIRE! Father!

I awoke screaming. Sweat covered my whole body. A dream! It was just a nightmare! Is slowly got up and went over to the window. Leaning on the window sill I breathed in the cool night air. My whole body was shaking. I have to go outside.

I wandered through the gardens only clad in my nightshirt and a light coat. The cool night air helped me to relax. But the fire. I couldn’t forget the fire. I grew hot again. My hands wandered over my arms to feel whether there were any burns. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare, I said to myself. Yet, it was so real. I put a finger on my lips where I still felt my father’s kiss. They felt burning hot and also a little ragged. I shook my head. No, it was a dream. He is not here. He is dead. Dead and gone. He can’t burn you…

What ´s the matter, love? I nearly jumped out of my skin. My king! It’s you! I sighed with relief. Is something wrong my beautiful one? He was always concerned and I loved him for that. No, I …I just couldn’t sleep. Nightmares again? I was never able to conceal something from him. I blushed and hoped he couldn’t see it in the dark. He took my hand. Tell me, my love. I can’t help you when you don’t trust me. I turned away. Everything is just fine, really. You have always been a bad liar. Don’t you know I can feel it when you lie, my beloved? I’m sorry, my king. He wrapped his arms around me, drawing me close. So you tell me then?

I…I dreamt of HIM and of the fire. I heard him draw his breath in sharply. Will this never stop? Will this man never give you peace? Even if he is long dead now? I shrugged. I’m so sorry, my king, it is all my fault, I’m weak… No, he hushed me with a kiss. Nothing is your fault. Don’t you ever think that. You are one of the strongest persons I have ever met, my beautiful love.

He slowly walked me back to the castle. That … that is not the way to my chambers I whispered weakly as we went along a torch lit corridor. Aragorn smiled. You stay with me my beloved, he said gently. But… No bad dreams will disturb you again tonight. Thank you, my king I said in a small voice.

Take off your nightshirt and lay down, he said as we had reached his bedroom. While I did as I was told I brought in a bowl of cold water and a sponge. Come my dear, you are so hot, and sticky with sweat. You have to cool down a little. He wiped my forehead and cheeks with the cool sponge and dribbled a few drops of the cold water between my lips. I liked them away greedily suddenly realizing how thirsty I was. My king noticed this and smiling he handed me a goblet filled with some draught strongly smelling of herbs. Thank you, I managed to whisper. Drink. This will extinct the fire inside your head and your body.

Then he continued to travel across my heated body with his sponge dipping it into the cool water again and again. The cool wetness made my body shiver. Do you like this, my beautiful one? Yes, I mumbled. The draught had made me sleepy. I know something you will like even better. He started to kiss me. First my lips and my throat. His lips went down my chest and my stomach. I moaned softly as he licked my navel. And, do you like it? His mouth went further down. My king, I gasped as he reached my organ. His lips brushed softly over it, kissing it gently before he started licking its tip. My king… Aragorn, I gasped again feeling dizzy from both the sudden sensation of pleasure and the effects of the draught.

Slowly and gently he started sucking my organ. Waves of pleasure flooded my body. Pleasure I never thought I would be able to feel. My king! …My love! The sucking became more intense. I thrust my hips forward. Aragorn! My fingers took a firm hold on his hair as I neared my climax. Aragon… my king, I sighed as I finally came. I panted heavily while I looked at my lover. He dipped his sponge again into the cool water and cleaned me up. So, no more dreams about fire now, my beloved one. I nodded smiling.

Part V: After

Hot pain shot through my lower body. I screamed. Tears were running down my flushed face. Then, suddenly I felt his body relax. He sighed heavily. His weight was pressing me down into the mattress. He panted. I could smell his breath – stale wine - and I could smell the sweat from his body. The odours that were hitting my nostrils made me sick. I felt like vomiting. I lay stock still, swallowing back wave after wave of the oncoming nausea.

How long we lay there I couldn’t ´t tell. I have lost my sense of time long ago. At least the high tide of the burning pain was over. Slowly – very slowly the pain in my abdomen had ebbed away. What was left now was a dull stinging – like a ghost of the former pain. I abhorred this feeling even more as it would last. Long - very long.

I swallowed and bit back another oncoming sickness as I sensed something liquid oozing from my body. My father’s come, mixed with blood. My blood. And it felt like it was a lot of blood this time. I could smell its coppery scent. “Please, stop bleeding,” I prayed inwardly. Loosing too much blood meant being weak and Father hated weakness!

The weight on me shifted. Moaning he rolled over. I could breath more freely now. His weight was lifted from the bed. Carefully I opened my eyes. Father stood naked in front of the bed staring at the portrait of my mother. “Finduilas”, I heard him whisper hoarsely. Then something was draped over my naked body. The scent of roses, the soft feeling- it was my mother’s coat.

I heard the patting of my father’s naked feet on the marble floor. I didn’t dare to move. I had closed my eyes again. I heard Father leaving the room. I didn’t stir. I bit my lip, unsure what to do. I felt hot and sticky. And I felt filthy, yes, very filthy. My only desire now was to clean myself, but I knew I couldn’t leave – not without father’s consent. I dared to do so once. A shiver went down my spine as I thought about it.

I heard the soft cringe of the door. He was back! He touched my hair. I still didn’t move – couldn’t move. He stroked my cheek, my shoulder. Cold hands. “Finduilas,” his voice was soft, nearly gentle. I opened my eyes. I stared at him. I couldn’t read his eyes. “Faramir, I am Faramir,” it was no more than a whisper. I wasn’t sure whether he had heard it or not. His face didn’t change. He continued to stroke me. Then he bent down for a kiss. The taste of wine and strong spirits was in his mouth.

Suddenly I felt something cold and wet between my legs. I fought hard not to cry out. I didn’t even dare to breath. What was he doing? And then, with a small sigh of relief, I realised it. He was cleaning me up! “Father,” he didn’t answer but continued to move the wet rag over the inner side of my thighs. “Father?” I whispered again as the cleaning stopped. “Hush.” He rolled me over, wrapping me up in my mother ´s coat. He placed a kiss on my forehead.

He held me close to his own body. “My love.” “Father?” It was only a muffled sound as my face was pressed now to his chest. His hand travelled over my back, hard and cold hands. I lifted my head a bit. “Father, I am tired. Please, am I allowed to leave?” He looked down into my face. I swallowed down the lump that was forming in my throat. “By the Valar, I have angered him now.”

He cupped my face in his hands and placed another kiss on my forehead. “Why don’t you stay here, my love? I want you to sleep next to me. I want to hear your breath; I want to feel your body.” “Father?” “Faramir, my love.” And I lay down next to him, hiding my face as hot tears were streaming down my cheeks…

Part VI: Fever

There were voices all around me. Screaming. Whispering. Crying. I tried to open my eyes. Blackness. Darkness. Why can’t I see? I tried to move. Again, I couldn ‘t. What was going on? Am I dead. Unfathomable blackness. Why didn’t I have a voice? The others had voices. I heard them. I tried to concentrate on them. Tried to listen to what thy said. They grew fainter and fainter. Slowly they died away…

I woke with a start. Something has stabbed me! There was a horrible pain in my shoulder. I heard screeching and cruel laughter. Nazgûl! We were under attack! My shoulder was hit. Where are my men? Quick! We have to retreat! We can’t fight them back! Retreat! The cold cruel laughter again. Now you die! Was that the voice of the Nazgûl? My men… Where are they? …Dead…I know they are all dead….

Darkness I was lying in bed with my father. He was touching me. Taking my mother’s coat from my shoulders. Father. Please don’t. I’m your son. Why are you doing this to me? I begged in vain… it hurt…it hurt as it always hurt when he entered me. Father, please! The pain grew worse. It hurts so much…

Blackness. Voices. The crackling of fire. Shouting. Father! Please don’t. But once more I had no voice. My Lord, no, he’s alive! Whose voice was that? I remember. There was that small fellow who came with Mithrandir. ….Mithrandir. Berengod. Father. There voices mixed in my head…. Became one single roar… the roar of a large fire… The pyre! Father! Dead. Suddenly I know that he is dead. Dead like all my men … dead like me?

Darkness. Muffled voices. I was still lying on a bed. Someone was bent over me… was touching me… I felt fingers trailing over my body. Gently brushing over my cheeks and forehead. Father? No, it couldn’t be him. He was not gentle. His touches weren’t soft. …Cold cruel hands…Father? No, Father was dead. I knew it.

The hands were now on my shoulder. Pain. Pain soared through my body. I cried out. Hush, my beautiful one. It will only hurt a few more moments. He had heard me. I had a voice again! Maybe I wasn’t dead after all? The pain in my shoulder subsided. It was only a dull stinging now. I barely felt it…I was tired…

My eyes snapped open. I looked into the face above me. A gentle smiling face with serene eyes. Where… Hush, don’t fear my beautiful one. You are save, here, in the Houses of Healing. The wound on my shoulder was freshly dressed and he was cooling my hot forehead with a wet rag. I didn‘t feel pain any longer. You look very much like your brother, the stranger said to me. I felt save with this man sitting by my side. I felt as save as I felt with my brother. Slowly I drifted into darkness again, but this time without fear…

Part VII: You Are Mine

I met her in the Houses of Healing. She often went there to visit her mother. The poor woman was ill beyond any chance of recovery. And I, I had to visit the Houses of Healing nearly every week because of the injuries Father inflicted on me.

Her name was Alanna I found out after a couple of weeks of shy smiles between us. And after a few more weeks we had a stroll in the vast gardens of the Houses of Healing after her visits to her mother. Her small delicate hand found her way into mine as we went along. She knew the names of all the flowers we passed and she loved it, when I told her the elfish names for them. As we said good bye in the late afternoon she stole a shy kiss from me.

In spite of the worries about her mother she always had such a cheerful smile on her face whenever we met and she made me smile, too. I was happy then, despite of my miserable life.

The last time we met, however, there was no smile on her beautiful face. No, it swam with tears. Her mother had died that morning. I felt helpless. I didn’t know how to comfort her. So I just sat by her side, stroking her long blonde hair. I don’t remember how many hours passed like that. But the sun stood already very low, as she looked at me. Let’s go outside into the gardens, she said. I nodded. And we went on our usual stroll…

So, will we meet again? Now, that I no longer have a reason to visit the Houses of Healing? Her large blue eyes gazed at me. I did not answer but put my arms around her. We stood in this close embrace for several minutes. I think at that moment I really fell in love with her. We will meet again, se finally said and then our lips locked for a deep kiss. Good bye, I whispered as we finally broke away from each other. She wave as she left the gardens and I waved back with a sad smile on my lips.

He already waited for me as I entered the private wing of the palace. I have watched you, you dirty whore! His punch came so quickly I couldn’t react. I was thrown against the wall. How could you kiss that girl? He shouted at me. His hands closed around my throat. Dirty whore! He shouted again. I tried to say something in defence but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even breathe! Did he want to kill me? I tried to pull away from his iron grip. I gave him a pleading look. Please, Father… I can’t breathe anymore. … Please. But it seemed he didn’t think about loosening his grip. A strange humming sound started to fill my head and black spots danced in front of my eyes. He is killing me. By the Valar he is really going to kill me!

I must have passed out, because as I woke I lay naked on my father’s bed. I saw him standing in front of the portrait of my mother. I know you loved him. No matter what you said to me, your eyes always told me the truth. You loved Thorongil. And you withered away because he left you. But you were mine. You belonged to me. Never would I have given you up. My Finduilas.

F…Father? He looked at me. And you are the same! He is eyes were like ice. What are you talking about? I asked weakly. That girl! I saw you kiss her! He pulled me up at my hair. Father, I whispered again. He slapped me hard across the face. You are a whore! He shouted as he threw me back on the bed. My Finduilas. My Faramir. But I will teach you!

He undressed and came onto the bed. He took a bruising grip on my thighs as he pulled me close. Father! I cried in pain as he thrust hard inside me. Without warning. Without preparation. I felt something tear inside my body. Burning hot pain. Father! Please! Shut up, whore! You are mine. He thrust hard with each word Always remember. YOU ARE MINE. The thrusts became more and more violent. Fire shot through my lower body. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I was crying. I was pleading. But Father was merciless. YOU ARE MINE. He repeated over and over again. Never forget. YOU ARE MINE…

Finally, after what seemed like hours to me darkness came and engulfed me…

Part VIII: A Wizard’s Pupil

„Mithrandir! Oh, Mithrandir! It’s so wonderful to see you!” I ran down the steps to meet him. “Faramir, my boy” he grey wizard grinned broadly. “You have grown a lot, child”, he said. “Indeed”, I nodded, „about four inches”, I added proudly. “How do you do, Mithrandir?” “Oh, I’m fine, child“, he answered. “And you, how does your father treat you these days?” I gave him a sad smile. How could I tell him, how could I tell anyone? “Poor thing,” he murmured as if he could read my thoughts. “I wish I could do something for you.” “But you do,” I protested. “Your visits are always such a pleasure!” “Really?” He laughed. “Well then, maybe I can add to your pleasure with a little present.” His sky blue eyes twinkled. “But let’s go inside, I give it to you in the library.” A present! My heart leaped with joy as we went along. I hardly ever got any presents, and if then only from Boromir. Father had never given me a present …except one, my mother’s midnight blue coat. I shuddered at the thought of it.

“So, here you are.” I startled deeply absorbed in my memories I hadn’t noticed that we had reached the library. Mithrandir gave me an inquisitive glance as he held a small book out to me. “Is anything wrong?” “No.” I smiled. “Thank you, thank you very much”, smiling I took the book from him. It was bound in green leather, with fine golden leaves on it. “Oh, Mithrandir!” I cried out as I opened it. “It’s Elfish!” “Yes”, he smiled, “Elfish poetry.” “Oh thank you, Mithrandir, it’s so wonderful.” “I’m happy you like it.” His eyes twinkled again.

“Mithrandir?” My heart froze as I heard my father’s voice. “Denethor.” “You know very well I don’t like it when you spend time with the boy, filling his head with your rubbish. I need a soldier, not a wizard’s pupil.” Father’s voice was cold as ice. “I meant no harm.” Mithrandir looked at my father. “I just wanted to…” “I want you to leave, Mithrandir.” There was menace in my father’s tone. Mithrandir looked at him calmly. “Good day to you, Denethor.” He bowed slightly. “Farewell my child.” He gave me a pitiful smile. “Farewell, Mithrandir and… “, but the hateful glance my father shot at me silenced me.

“So”, he grabbed my wrist. I swallowed. I knew what was to come. “What did the grey fool want?” “N...nothing,” I stammered. “He just gave me a present.” “A present,” my father spat slapping me hard across the face. “What present?” Meekly I handed him the book. After grabbing it he pushed me away so fiercely that I slammed into one of the bookshelves. Pain soared through my spine as I hit the hard wood. “What is this rubbish? I can’t even read it!” “It’s Elfish,” I answered cowering. “Elfish!” He threw the book into my face. I felt its edge cut my eyebrow. “And where did you learn to read it?” He stepped closer. Panic seized me. “M…Mithrandir taught me how…” He grabbed me by my tunic and flung me across the room. I landed painfully on the marble floor. Please, I thought, please don’t. “AND WHEN DID I ALLOW THIS?” He kicked my ribs at every word. “N...never,” I coughed, tears in my eyes.

“When did I allow you to become a wizard’s pupil?” He took up the book and went over to the fireplace. No, please not, I thought. “Come here”, he bellowed. With difficulty I managed to get up from the ground. I shakily I walked over to my father. “Burn it.” He held the book out to me. Tears run down my cheeks. I was crying, no longer because of the kicking, no, it hurt me much more to destroy so precious a thing. “Burn it,” he repeated, this time even more menacingly. I had no choice. With a shaking hand I took the book from him.
Closing my eyes I flung it into the fire. Tears were streaming down my face as I watched it being slowly consumed by the crackling flames. I had not even read one of the poems!

My father’s face showed grim satisfaction. “When this rubbish has completely burnt to cinders you are to come to my private chambers.” His voice was like a dagger in my heart. As he left the library I sank to my knees sobbing violently.

Part IX: The Scent of Roses

I had not left the Houses of Healing long ago. Most of my time I spent in the gardens, where I was sitting on a marble bench next to my mother’s rose bushes. I inhaled their scent…it made me think about my father. Father had loved the scent of roses as much as he had loved my mother. He used to say that roses reminded him of her.

Mother had always used rosewater as her only perfume. The scent of roses had always been around her… Soft blonde hair and the scent of roses were the only things I remembered about my mother. This scent was on all my mother’s things, even after she died it remained. Therefore, as a child, I loved the scent of roses. It comforted me and I felt loved.

Until one fateful night many years ago…Father gave me mother’s coat…and there it was…yes, I clearly remember it… a faint scent of roses clung to the coat…I remember how this scent filled my head that night. That night…yes, that very night I learnt to abhor the scent of roses. I clearly recall the pain I felt that night… the horror… and I remember how I fled my father’s bedroom…running to my mother’s rose garden…I fell asleep there, the scent of roses on my nose and on my mind. And when I woke the other morning I was still surrounded by roses…

Father made me perfume myself with rosewater whenever he summoned me to his bedroom. He wanted me to smell exactly like my mother when he loved me. Soon I grew to hate the scent of roses… I simply felt sick at the sight of a rose or whenever this particular scent came to my nose.

But then… then so many horrible things happened. I got injured in that terrible battle and father…yes, father died. This was when I met him for the first time…Him…my king…my Aragon…my love…I loved him almost form first sight on.

One day, however, he brought this oil with him to the Houses of Healing. “I want to give you al little massage, my love”, he said and uncorked the bottle. My eyes widened with fear…There it was… The scent of roses!

“My king…”, but I wasn’t able to say more. He didn’t understand what was troubling me, he couldn’t understand. How should he? “Don’t be shy”, he said. “Just relax.” I tried to obey. I was shaking with fear… cold sweat all over my body…I had to fight hard not to throw up.

He poured a little oil on my back and slowly started massaging me with gentle hands…gentle hands with gentle touches… no hard and cruel touches like my father’s …never again! I fought with my tears.

And then… then I suddenly was able to relax… his hands moved over my body…his soothing voice whispered loving words into my ears. The scent of roses clung to these hands, these hands that caressed me softly…

And for the first time in many years I truly felt comforted, I truly felt loved…and this was when I learnt to love the scent of roses again.

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