Warning
This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «Implied and graphic non-con/rape, incest, prostitution, power games, angst».
Since you have switched on the adult content filter, this story is hidden. To read this story, you have to switch off the adult content filter. [what's this?]
Remember that whether you have the adult content filter switched on or off, this is always an adults only site.
Simulacra (NC-17) 
Written by Vanwa Hravani09 November 2011 | 30013 words | Work in Progress
XX
Haldir did not wake the next morning. Elrohir tried to rouse him, but only reluctantly so. When there was no response, he checked that his patient still lived and then grabbed clothes and left him there.
Outside Elrohir walked quickly to the stream, still chilly from the dark night. Without pause he shed his robe and entered, submerging himself, taking intentional pleasure in the sharp sting of cold, the ache of his scalp tightening, the catch of his breath. Scrubbing at his hair, his body, he washed twice, then again, trying not to notice places that felt tender. Just washing. Rinsed his hair yet one more time, certain there was perhaps still some oil, some soap in there. Best to be sure. One more time. His hands again. Face.
Sighing, he finally emerged from the water to face the day. He sat in a patch of sun to dry, waited for his numb mind to wake. Let it stall. Not just yet.
Walk back to the clearing. One foot in front of the other, feel the supportive earth, the breeze idly playing with the soft baby hair near his face. Look for berries, kindling, anything.
Porridge, salt. A bowl for Haldir, still sleeping, foul with sweat. Taking his own outside. Knowing as it congealed he could not eat it. Cool water to wash down the bile. Just one mouthful. Breathe.
Two more days he did not rise. Elrohir was glad of the silence. Perhaps it was done. Guilt over that. Breathe.
The sound of horse’s hooves at a distance, coming up the hill. Closing his eyes a moment, reaching out –
Elrond! Wave of relief. Ada.
Elrohir was waiting in the clearing when his father dismounted, enveloped in a warm embrace, held long in the folds of velvet that smelled as they did when he was small. Ada. I am so glad you have come.
‘How is he doing, ionnin?’
‘He sleeps. He is fine.’
‘And you?’
‘Ada…I am glad you are here.’
Searching his son’s face, Elrond noted the tension, the pull around his mouth, eyes, scalp. He took Elrohir’s hand and led him to sit in the warming sweetgrass.
This hand, no longer small in his. Strong, yet still so much smoother. Fingers long, speaking of art, sensitivity. A father’s desire to protect.
‘It has been much for you, has it not?’ Searching the once eager face of his youngest son, now worn, yet fearing to disappoint. ‘I see it has. I was sad to see Elladan come back to the House. I understood, yet I was sad for you. I am sorry I did not come sooner.’
Give him time to speak if he will.
It seems he will not.
‘Has he woken?’
‘Once Ada. He – We –‘
Ah. I begin to see.
‘Elrohir, you must understand something. As the drug gets out of Haldir’s system, his senses will come back one by one. His thoughts and awareness as well. But they do not always come in company with one another. There will be a time in his withdrawal when he is consumed with the need for physical stimulation. Sexual stimulation. And it will be all the more fierce for having been so long smothered. When this happens, it is his body alone, nothing more. Do not fear it because of your own morality. You must treat it as another symptom, not as its own disease.’
The younger Peredhel looked at his hands as they toyed with a fallen leaf. When he spoke, his voice was small, contained.
‘It has already happened, Ada. He awoke two days ago, speaking even — though he has done neither since.’
‘Oh? And what happened?’
‘At first I thought he was still trapped in his dreams. He – he begged me to – to – take him. But I thought he was still sick, that it would make it worse.’ Turning pleading dark eyes to his elder, his teacher. ‘But he was hurting, Ada! He was in such pain, frantic with it.’
‘So what did you do, my son?’ You do not need absolution, though I will give it.
‘I – I offered myself to him. That he might find some release. I thought it was better that way. I thought I could handle it, Ada. I thought it would just be sex –‘
Elrond searched his child’s distraught face, noting his struggle to appear calm, to face away. Gently stroked only the surface of his mind, his emotions, careful not to intrude as he laid a hand on dark hair, calming the colt.
‘But his emptiness was bigger than you could fill, and when you looked into that darkness, you feared it would consume you too,’ he finished quietly.
With a stifled sob Elrohir threw himself into his father’s arms and let the pain wash over him. Healing is so hard.
Chunks of the frozen wall he had been building washed away in his father’s overwhelming light. Giving in to the healing.
As always when he was confronted with his ada’s unshielded power, Elrohir was struck by its immensity. Like facing a breaking dam or standing in an avalanche of sunlight. He felt his darkness blazingly dispelled, and as the torrent died down, warmth seeping into the gaps of his soul, filling them, smoothing the raw edges, to leave only the memory of wisdom that would serve him in the future.
They sat a moment in gentling peace, cradling one another.
‘Thank you Ada. I could not –‘
‘I know, hinya. You should not have had to. I am sorry.’
By my soul, how many more times will I say that before this darkness ends?
NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]
Enjoyed this story? Then be sure to let the author know by posting a comment at https://www.faramirfiction.com/fiction/simulacra. Positive feedback is what keeps authors writing more stories!
Filter
Adult content is shown. [what's this?]
Adult content is hidden.
NB: This site is still for adults only, even with the adult content filter on! [what's this?]
I am looking forward to reading more of this – I adore all of the undercurrents in their relationship.
— pinbot Wednesday 6 August 2008, 20:25 #