Faramir Fiction Archive

Remember me (R)

Written by Nemain Isa

09 March 2007 | 2305 words

Characters: Faramir/ Boromir
Summary: A brother’s goodbye.
Feedback: Yes please!
A/N: All lies from a wicked mind. This is my first attempt to write a Faramir-fic, so be gentle. I might have changed some things regarding the timeline or something, intentional or not, but I hope you don’t mind.
A/N2: No beta (but I did read it about eight times before posting), any mistakes can be blamed on the fact that English is not my native language (and the fact that my Word-spelling check doesn’t work). When there’s a really big mistake in it, just , I don’t know.. flog me or something.

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The young Captain rubbed his face, wiping away another tear. Part of him, the small part that wasn’t soaked in the deepest, darkest sadness, felt relieved the other men were asleep, that he was here, deep in the woods, and not home, where his father’s hurtful remarks would cut more wounds into his soul. He could almost hear his father talk.

“Crying like a woman! You are a disgrace. A Captain does not show his emotions. No pain, no hurt, no fear.” And then his father would make that noise that had to resemble a laugh, but was in fact a deadly, eerie sound.

“Who am I kidding, you are not worthy to be a Captain. Always weak, not fit for the life of a warrior. If only your brother would have lived, and you..!”

The young man’s mind shied away, he could not form the words, not even just in thought, although he did know what his father would say. He knew it, he felt it.

He got up, not able to sleep. It had been two days since he found Boromir’s horn on the shore, and although he still refused to believe it, deep down inside he knew what it meant. It could only mean one thing. He felt coldness surrounding his heart. ‘Gods, it can’t be..’

He knew he had to go to Gondor in the morning, he had to show that cold hearted man what he found. He should have gone to Gondor immediately after finding the split horn, but he hadn’t, he couldn’t. He was weak, just as his father said.

Faramir walked away from the camp, knowing it was not wise, the woods had become a dangerous place, especially at night. But he needed to be alone with his grief.

He found a small open place, set the torch he brought in the ground and he sat down, back against the trunk of a tree. He could hear the leaves rustle in the wind, and as he looked up, he saw stars shining brightly.

Almost immediately, he started crying, somehow being able to keep the noise down, as he was still aware of whatever could lurk in the shadows. He wrapped his arms around himself, cradling his body as he sobbed.

Memories flooded his mind, and in every single one of them, Boromir was the strong, the loving, caring one, the one he could always count on and the one he loved more than anyone else. For a boy who had to grow up without a mother, and with such a cold, uncaring father, his older brother had been his saviour and his light.

Countless were the times Faramir had woken up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying after another nightmare, and within seconds Boromir was there to hold him, to comfort him and allow the smaller child to curl up against him. Faramir always felt so safe in those arms, and when he had calmed down, he would fall asleep hearing his brother say:

“I have you, little one, nobody will ever hurt you, I promise. Hush now, sleep, toron.”

It was the only Elvish word Boromir knew and remembered, no matter how hard Faramir tried to teach him other words.

And now, the second son of the Steward was alone. He had not been able to say goodbye to his brother, he would never be able to see his brother again, to hug him, to tell him just how much he loved him. He curled up, wishing the world around him to disappear.

Faramir pictured his father, as the old man would hear about the passing of the beloved firstborn. He would mourn, grieve, for he had loved Boromir more than he had ever loved the other son. All of the sudden, Faramir was sure his father would say those hateful words.

“It should not have been this son.”

He sat up, and wiped his running nose. In his mind he repeated that sentence over and over, hurting himself, like digging a knife into his own flesh and twisting it, stabbing it deeper and deeper.

‘It should have been the other son. It should not have been Boromir. It should have been the other. Not him. The other. Me. It should have been me. Not him. My beloved brother. Not him. It should have been me.’

he took a deep breath, and said it out loud. “It should have been me.”

Right after he said it, the wind picked up speed, and Faramir lifted his head as he faintly thought he heard:

“Toron.”

He sucked in his breath, telling himself that he misheard, that it was just the wind blowing.

“Toron.” More clear now.

Faramir looked around, but he couldn’t see anything. For some reason, he didn’t reach for his sword. Instead, he sat up on his knees, removing the hood of his cloak.

“Little one.” A little scared, Faramir looked to his right, where the sound had come from.

“Don’t be scared, little brother.” The voice sounded so much like Boromir’s, but the rational part of Faramir’s brain told him it couldn’t be.

“Have you not read about it in any of those books you devoured back home?” the voice sounded a bit amused.

Yes, Faramir thought, ‘I have read of this. But only in fairytales, myths, legends. It does not happen for real.’ He glanced at his right, but still he didn’t see anyone.

“Bori?” his whisper was barely audible.

“Please don’t cry, little one. And please, do not say those words ever again.”

Faramir’s mind reeled. This could not be happening, this was impossible. And still, he was sure he was not imagining things. ‘Maybe I’m dreaming.’ He thought, and he pinched himself, not at all surprised it did hurt. ‘No dream.’ Gathering his courage, he looked around again, still not seeing anything, and then he asked again:

“Bori?” a little louder this time.

“I’m here.”

Faramir sucked in his breath.

“But how..?” he ask, part of him still disbelieving what he heard.

“I came to say goodbye, brother-mine.” Boromir answered. “Try not to think about the how and why, let us just cherish this moment.”

Faramir decided that, whether he was imagining things or not, he needed this. He needed this last contact with his brother, he needed to tell Boromir the things he had never told him, just because he had always thought there would be a more appropriate time for such words.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you to. But do not cry anymore, please. I will watch over you, little one, you know I will.”

“I just want you back, I want you to be here, where I can talk to you and hold you.” Faramir started crying again. He closed his eyes while listening to the soft, almost whispering voice of his older brother.

“I am here, I’m always with you, Faramir.” Faramir could have sworn he felt featherlike touches to his wet cheek.

“But never, ever say those harsh words again. I forbid you, do you hear me?” the voice got louder, sounded a bit agitated.

“It should have been me.” Faramir whispered.

“Never again, tolon, never say them, never think them. You promise me?”

“But father..”

“Father does not know what he is saying. He will realise his mistakes some day.”

“But you are.. and I am just..” Faramir couldn’t finish his sentence.

“You, my sweet brother, are a beautiful man. You are wise, caring, you make a fine Captain and you are one of the best Rangers I have ever seen. I watched you grow up, Faramir, into this wonderful person, and you made me so proud, every day, every year.”

The younger brother lifted his head but kept his eyes closed, he felt the loving words warm his cold heart bit by bit.

“There is so much I want to tell you, Bori, so much I’ve never said, and I feel so foolish for not saying it.”

He took a deep breath, as he tried to think of a way to put his feelings into words.

“You made me feel loved, and secure, safe. You were… I have.. There are no words, Bori, I can’t find the words to tell you.”

“I know, brother-mine. Hush now.”

Faramir felt more than heard movement, and he dared to open his eyes. A figure was kneeling in front of him. Although the figure looked vague and a bit transparent, Faramir could clearly recognise his brother. His breath caught in his throat as he mouthed the word “Boromir”.

Boromir smiled at him, that beautiful, open smile.

“How..?” he asked again.

Before he could help himself, Faramir extended a hand, trying to lay it on the other’s cheek. Immediately, the figure disappeared and he gasped.

When he pulled back his hand however, the ghostly form of his brother returned.

“I’ll always be with you, little one, even if you can’t see me. You’ll never be alone. You’ll never have to fight alone, I will be right by your side. Remember that.”

Faramir sniffed but gave a weak smile.

“I still can’t believe this is happening. I so much hoped you were not d… That it was not true. But deep in my heart I knew the truth and it saddened me so. I don’t know how I will go on, knowing you won’t be coming back.”

Boromir kept smiling but said nothing. Faramir looked at him, thinking his brother looked.. happy. Calm. And right next to the sadness in his heart, he felt a tiny bit of hope. He smiled back, still not fully understanding everything that happened, but grateful for this moment.

“Thank you, my beloved brother. For your words, for this goodbye, for everything and more.” He eventually said.

“Lay down, and sleep, I’ll watch over you.” His brother answered.

“Will I see you again?”

“I do not know, toron. But remember what I said.”

Faramir desperately wanted to stay awake, he wanted this moment to never end, he wanted to stay here, with his brother, he didn’t want to wake up alone in the morning. But still, he did as his brother asked, and laid down with his cape around him. He looked up at the figure, taking in the features of the man he loved so much. He looked at him, until the torch expired and he couldn’t see his brother anymore. Quickly, scared, he got up, but he felt a soothing presence and his brother’s deep voice reassured him everything was going to be alright.

“Just sleep, I will make sure nothing happens to you.

“I don’t want to go to sleep..” Faramir protested, just as he always had done. He heard Boromir laugh.

“When I wake up, will you be gone?”

“Have you not listened, dear brother?” For a moment, Faramir felt as if someone was stroking his hair. Still, he struggled, but eventually he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. Grumbling his defeat, he closed them, wishing he could freeze this moment in time.

“I have you, little one, nobody will ever hurt you, I promise. Hush now, sleep, toron.”

Faramir smiled at hearing those familiar words, as he slowly surrendered to sleep.

He woke up at the sound of voices calling. He got up, hoping against hope his brother would still be there. Nothing. He sighed, but the paralysing feeling of sadness he had felt the previous evening was gone.

Lost in thoughts, he stared in the distance when one of his Rangers appeared from behind a tree.

“Captain! Have you lost your mind?” the man looked utterly upset. “To be wandering off in the dark, alone! Are you well? Did anything happened?”

Faramir blinked, his brain needed a few moments to process everything that had happened. Then he smiled, confusing the other even more.

“I’m well, my friend, don’t worry.” He quickly glanced up at the blue, cloudless sky.

“I’m well.”

Inspired by this song:

Loreena McKennitt – Dante’s Prayer

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone
I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We’ll rise above these earthly cares
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me

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