Faramir Fiction Archive

Only if… (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

29 June 2007 | 85653 words

Chapter 13

Faramir walked through the prisoner’s chamber, and noticed there were several new captives already sorted into a holding chamber. They were slaves that had already been spotted by high-ranking nobles and asked that they be held for them. These slaves, much like Haldir, would not experience being put on display at the auctions.

Faramir glanced up from the parchment he was reading and noticed pale golden hair and almost startled for a moment. It was almost the exact shade of Haldir’s and it made him feel a pang of guilt. As he looked at the Elf and he looked up, Faramir gasped. He could easily be Haldir’s brother. He was a bit smaller, not quite as broad shouldered as Haldir and his eyes were green instead of blue but… he looked very much like his own slave. He walked to the cell and the new slave simply stared at him, a hint of arrogance in his gaze that Faramir almost grinned at.

“Where are you from?” Faramir asked of the slave.

“Lothlórien,” the slave answered and Faramir nodded.

“What is your name?” Faramir continued knowing Haldir had two brothers and recalling their names from their conversations.

“Does that really matter here?” The Elf smirked and Faramir bit back a grin.

“I am asking because I may know one of your kin,” Faramir responded and saw eyes widen and then narrow in suspicion.

“Rúmil,” the Elf answered softly.

Faramir felt his heart drop. He’d truly hoped to hear any other name but Orophin or Rúmil though he’d suspected he might.

Without giving the slave another look he turned away and found Damrod. “Who is buying that one?”

“You want another?” Damrod asked shocked though the new Elf looked much like Faramir’s Elf.

“No… yes… well… no.” Faramir shook his head and sighed. “Who?”

“Lord Sadil has requested that one,” Damrod explained and Faramir quickly left the chamber after thanking him.

When he arrived back in their room Faramir saw Haldir sitting on the couch and felt his heart leap into his throat. He was certain the Elf named Rúmil was in fact Haldir’s youngest brother, but now that he was facing him he wasn’t sure he could tell Haldir… what could they do?

Haldir stood and smiled at his master as he crossed the room. Since his first few days as Faramir’s pleasure slave, he’d grown to look forward to Faramir returning to their room every afternoon and evening, and his smile was never forced or false. He stopped just in front of his lover and wrapped both arms around his waist. “I found a book you will love,” he started, walking backward and pulling Faramir along with him. “It was in the back of the library and…” His voice trailed off as he saw the troubled look in the blue eyes he knew so well. “What is wrong? Did something happen?”

Faramir found himself being wrapped in perfect, soothing arms and he sighed softly. “I… I… think one of your brothers… well I’m almost certain one of them has been captured,” he said unsure how to explain other than just coming right out with it. “Rúmil… he said his name was Rúmil and he looks like you… smaller and with green eyes but… much like you,” he whispered.

Stunned, Haldir froze in place and took a step back from Faramir, his eyes wide with surprise and his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of his beloved brother being captured, forced into slavery, beaten and used. There was almost no chance he would have a master who treated him kindly like Haldir had managed, and the thoughts of him being sold to someone like Denethor… Gods, he couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t. “I need to go to him,” he said, wrapping his hands around Faramir’s arm and tugging desperately at him. “Please, take me to my brother…”

“He… he’s already been promised to someone. I… I didn’t promise him, I didn’t see him until he’d already been sorted. I know who is buying him though…” Faramir explained not even thinking to refuse Haldir. Faramir moved with Haldir back toward the holding cells in the lower levels. Haldir hadn’t been there since his days spent there and Faramir guided him though the back ways so no one would ask questions.

Haldir didn’t even realize how tightly he was holding on to Faramir’s hand as they moved through the lower levels of the city. His time as a prisoner in these very cells came back to him, the fear he’d struggled hard to hide, the anger, the helplessness… and he knew his brother must be feeling the same things. He saw him from the other end of the hall, the golden hair, the stiff posture as he paced back and forth in his small cell. Rather than releasing Faramir’s hand, though, he simply tugged him along faster until they reached Rúmil’s cell. “Rúmil, Gods, it really is you!” Reaching through the bars, Haldir hugged him as best as he could, finally releasing Faramir’s hand as he held his brother. “I hoped he was wrong… I hoped it was not really you…”

Faramir simply let Haldir lead him once he saw his brother. He knew he’d feel the same if roles were reversed and it was Boromir. He stood silently watching the pair, amazed at their similarities and differences.

Rúmil was completely caught off guard when he saw his brother. He’d assumed Haldir had died and his heart leapt at the knowledge he was alive and well it seemed. And the man who’d asked his name was standing close by. How did he know? How… he had so many questions. “Gods, I thought you were dead… we all feared the worst when you didn’t return from patrol,” he murmured finally leaning back to look at his brother. He looked healthy and seemed unharmed.

Haldir’s hands smoothed his brother’s hair as he smiled and shook his head. “No, tor, no… I was captured just outside of Minas Tirith. They assigned me to be…” He blushed and looked down for only a moment, but then nodded toward Faramir. “To be a pleasure slave to this man.” Releasing his brother, he reached for Faramir’s hand again, and pulled him closer. “This is Faramir – my master, and… I dare say, my friend. He has treated me as kindly as possible since my first days here.”

Rúmil was shocked as Haldir spoke. A pleasure slave? And Gods… they are… friends? “A… slave… you,” he paused when he realized Haldir was actually smiling as if introducing someone he truly did care for. “We feared the worst,” he muttered then and looked at the copper haired man. “And… thank you for bringing him to me.”

Faramir nodded. “I just thought you looked an awful lot like Haldir… I… I’m sorry I wasn’t here before, earlier,” he almost blushed as to why he was late and squeezed Haldir’s hand gently. “I know who has chosen you though,” he whispered and felt awkward. He wasn’t sure what he should do. The man to take Rúmil was notoriously hard on slaves, and had… or at least Faramir suspected harmed them far more than most masters.

Looking intently into Faramir’s eyes, Haldir swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. He couldn’t bear the thought of Rúmil being a slave to anyone, let alone someone who would harm him. “Tell me,” he said so softly only Faramir and Rúmil could hear. “Is he kind? Is he like you… or like your father?”

Faramir sighed at Haldir’s question and looked at him sadly. “Worse than my father,” he said swallowing hard.

Rúmil looked from one to the other, feeling true panic form in his heart at the look on Haldir’s face when Faramir answered.

Both hands clutched at Faramir’s as the words registered and Haldir’s entire body shivered at the thought of what awaited his brother. “Please, my Lord, I beg of you, is there nothing you can do? I will do anything if you can help him… anything at all. Just… just please do not let him suffer like so many of the slaves here do.”

Faramir hated to see Haldir pleading so much and gently reached up to touch his cheek. “You do not need to beg, Haldir, I will do whatever I can. I need to get you back to our room… Rúmil,” he said softly. “I am going to take you with us for now. I cannot promise you will get to stay… but… I think you’d be more comfortable waiting in our chambers than here. Please… for your brother’s sake and mine… please do not do anything that would make me regret this,” he said softly.

Rúmil’s eyes widened and he swallowed the lump in his throat from the familiar almost caring way the human touched his brother. “You have my word,” he said inclining his head.

Without waiting, Faramir called Damrod over and told him what little he needed to, and told him he would barter with Lord Sadil for the Elf. Damrod’s eyes widened but then seeing Faramir’s slave next to the new one he could tell they were most likely brothers if not some other close kin. He opened the cell and said he would send a messenger ahead to let Lord Sadil know he would be bartering with another noble for the slave.

As soon as Rúmil’s cell door opened, Haldir hugged him again and whispered against his ear. “You can trust him,” he said softly. “He is a good man, and if anything can be done to help you, my brother, he will do it.” Releasing Rúmil, Haldir took a deep breath and smiled. “Do not make eye contact with anyone, and stay a few steps behind Lord Faramir. Do not speak until spoke to, and… whatever you do, be respectful to all the men you see. They can order you to be punished if they even perceive a slight, whether you mean it or not.”

Rúmil was shocked as Haldir said he could trust a human let alone that this one was a “good” one. Haldir wasn’t the sort to say such things and even so if he were so good then why was Haldir his slave? He kept the thoughts to himself though and nodded at all the rules, some similar to theirs at home regarding slaves. He tipped his head down and slipped his hand into Haldir’s. “Lead on then,” he said softly.

Faramir nodded and took Haldir’s other hand, leading both slaves back to his quarters and wondering just how much it would take to convince Sadil to choose another slave.

When they arrived, the guards even looked at him oddly, though Faramir didn’t pay them any attention as he led the pair inside. “You can make yourself at home here, Rúmil. If you require anything, Haldir can send for it and I will return as soon as my dealings with Sadil are over. It… could… take a while,” he explained mostly for Haldir’s benefit. Without even thinking about it, he pressed a quick kiss against Haldir’s lips. “I’ll do everything in my power to keep him from going to Sadil, you’ve my word on it,” he whispered.

Haldir’s hands rested on Faramir’s waist, and he leaned his forehead against his lover’s after he returned the gentle kiss. “I know you will,” he said softly, not even noticing the astonished look on Rúmil’s face as he watched them. “If anyone can fix this, it is you.” One hand moved up and he gently ran his fingers through Faramir’s hair as he leaned back and gazed into his eyes. “You did not even have to tell me he was here, yet you did, you had him released from his cell, and I know what a difficult position you are in. Once again, I cannot thank you enough for your kindness, Faramir. I do not even have the words.” He leaned forward again and kissed his lover, this time opening his mouth and offering him more than a quick press of lips.

Faramir found himself smiling despite their audience as Haldir spoke. He would do anything for Haldir, though he supposed that wasn’t the way it should be, it was simply the way it was. He returned the kiss as Haldir gave up control to him so easily and almost forgot the reason he was leaving for a moment before they pulled breathlessly away from one another. “I should go,” he said softly and then smiled encouragingly at Rúmil. “I promise… I’ll do everything I can,” he said as he headed out of the room again leaving the brother’s together.

Rúmil took a deep breath and looked around the chamber after Faramir left. “So… this is where you’ve been all this time?”

Watching Faramir until the door closed behind him, Haldir sighed and turned back to his brother. “Aye. Faramir chose me to be his first and only slave. He saw me only hours after I’d been captured and had me brought here, to his room. I threatened him, but even then, he was kind. He offered me my freedom after 1 year if I would promise not to try to escape. And he did not even demand that I actually be his pleasure slave.” Walking over to sit on the couch, he looked fondly around the room he’d spent much of the last year of his life in. “I chose to, though, after a while, and for the most part, my time here has been pleasant.”

Rúmil was surprised at Haldir’s description of his almost a full year of servitude. “He didn’t demand it? I… don’t mean to sound… crude or prying but… how is that possible? I mean… isn’t the reason for a pleasure slave to… be one? I… don’t understand,” he asked a little baffled as Haldir led him over to a small couch. “He seems nice enough… handsome for a man I guess… but how can you stand it? You kissed him just as if you wanted to not because it is required.”

“He has never demanded anything from me except my promise not to try and escape,” Haldir explained. “He told me in my first days here that he only wanted to look at me, or touch me, but he never demanded anything – not even a kiss. He does not believe in slavery for the most part, but like many of our kin, he is bound by the rules of his forefathers. Oh, Rúmil, if you were to be around him for just a few hours, you would understand. He is so good, and kind, and gentle, and…” He laughed at himself as his brother regarded him as if he’d lost his mind. “I did want to kiss him. I do want to kiss him. Often.”

Rúmil scrunched up his nose a little at the idea a part of him not entirely opposed to a man really but… well perhaps so. And oddly the first thing that popped to mind had nothing to do with how he was treated, because obviously Haldir was treated well, thankfully but… what was it like to kiss someone with a beard? He felt foolish then for the idea to pop in his mind, something so absurd he almost laughed. “I am glad you found someone good like that. When he said that this man who was to take me, what did you mean when you asked if he was like his father?”

Haldir’s face flushed at Rúmil’s question, the very image of Faramir’s father flashing in his mind and reminding him of the things Denethor had said about his own son. “Faramir’s father is not a nice man,” he said guardedly, determined not to tell his brother about the punishment Denethor had set him up for. “He is cruel to everyone, even Faramir, and treats his own slaves as if they are not good enough to breathe the same air he breathes. He beats them, forces himself onto them, and degrades them every chance he gets. He is a vile, hateful man, and I often wonder how is it possible for Faramir to have come from his loins.”

Rúmil tried to grasp the image of the man that Haldir described in contrast to the almost friendly man who was trying to help him. He and Haldir continued to talk, both about Haldir’s time in Gondor and about what had happened in Lórien since he’d been gone. The minutes passed into hours and Rúmil was almost starting to worry that Faramir would not be returning with good news when the door finally opened. He looked up and the man looked tired, slightly annoyed, but he smiled at him.

“I’ve managed to purchase you from Lord Sadil… barely, but finally managed to,” Faramir announced and walked straight into Haldir’s arms as the Elf stood to greet him as he always did.

Haldir’s usual greeting turned into a fierce hug as Faramir spoke. Rúmil would be safe, that was all he could think about, though it hadn’t quite hit him yet that Faramir’s words might mean that Haldir would have to share his master with his brother. “I never doubted,” he said as he buried his face against his lover’s neck and closed his eyes. “Thank you for this… I will forever be in your debt for sparing him from the kind of life so many of Gondor’s slaves have to suffer.”

Faramir returned the hug, smiling and pressed a kiss against Haldir’s temple. “I am glad I was able to help,” he said softly. It had been extremely expensive, the most anyone had ever paid for a slave in the history of Gondor, but he truly did not mind. He would do anything for Haldir if the Elf simply asked him to. “Have… have you eaten?” he asked turning his attention to Haldir’s brother for a moment. “I know when Haldir first arrived he hadn’t eaten in at least a day… I’ll have food sent up if you like,” he offered as he and Haldir finally drew apart though his hand slid down his lover’s arm and his fingers tangled with Haldir’s.

“I haven’t eaten, no… we… we got caught up in talking. It’s been so long since we’ve seen one another,” Rúmil admitted.

His fingers fit so naturally with his lover’s that Haldir didn’t give it a second thought, though Rúmil seemed surprised at how easily and often his brother and Faramir touched one another. “I am sorry, tor, I will have something sent up right away. I did not think.” It was only a few steps to the door, so rather than release Faramir’s hand; he simply moved closer to the door and tugged his lover with him. “Do you want your usual, my Lord, or something a bit more? You did not eat much lunch today, since your father kept you late in your meeting.”

Rúmil watched curiously the interaction between the two and was fascinated in a strange way by how they touched one another. They truly seemed like lovers… not master and slave.

“I’m fine, and the usual will be fine… and Haldir, that is your brother, not one of my men, you do not have to address me so formally if you’d rather not,” he whispered though his words weren’t soft enough for Rúmil not to hear him.

Haldir looked at his brother and winked. “As I said, he treats me so well,” he said fondly as he turned back to his lover. He quickly opened the door and asked the guard to bring them dinner, then the three of them crossed the room again to sit in front of the fireplace, Haldir curling up beside Faramir and still holding his hand, and Rúmil sitting on the chair across from them, still eyeing them as if they were from another world. As Haldir’s relief at Rúmil’s safety began to settle, he began wondering what would happen next. Not accustomed to holding his tongue when Faramir’s men or peers weren’t around, he turned to his master and suddenly felt something akin to jealousy tugging at his heart. “So… will Rúmil be staying here in our room or…” Gods, it wasn’t unheard of for brothers to be lovers, that wasn’t the problem, but the thought of Rúmil touching Faramir, or visa versa made his skin crawl. He realized he didn’t want to share Faramir with anyone… not even his brother.

Faramir squeezed Haldir’s hand gently when he asked about what would happen with Rúmil. “That would be up to you I suppose,” Faramir said softly. The next words he would say would be among the most difficult he’d ever had to say in his life and he swallowed hard before continuing. “We… well that is, you are only a few months away from having your freedom,” he began and saw something flash in Haldir’s eyes. “I thought that… I truly do not want to offer this, I just spent a great deal of money on you Rúmil, and it isn’t that you aren’t lovely but,” he turned back to Haldir. “I have only ever taken one slave and will never have another. But you cannot stay here as a free slave, you must return to Lórien and as such… I… I will release you Haldir, it is only a little over two months before the end of the year. I will rewrite the agreement and you may leave with your brother whenever you like.” It truly broke his heart to make such an offer, but he would have to accept that Haldir was leaving in a few more weeks anyway.

Haldir’s mouth dropped open and he simply stared at Faramir for a moment. He was being offered his freedom, the one thing he’d yearned for, for almost a year now. Oddly enough, though, it filled him with sadness to know that Faramir would let him go tonight, if he wished. No… he didn’t wish for that. He forgot about his brother for a moment, not even looking his way as he made his decision. At least Faramir looked pained to offer this, that was some solace to him, some relief of the surprisingly acute ache in his heart the offer had brought him. Bringing his master’s hand to his lips, he kissed each knuckle and looked into the clear blue eyes before him. “I promised you a year,” he said softly, “and I never break a promise. If you will have me for another 2 months, I would like to stay.”

Rúmil was simply gaping, unable to speak, let alone understand what was going on. The man had just offered not only HIM his freedom but Haldir too and he..was turning it down?

Faramir felt relief wash over him and visibly relaxed as Haldir spoke. “Truly? You… you don’t have to, Haldir, I… I would love nothing more for you to stay but just know that you are free to leave with Rúmil should you change your mind,” he said softly. He leaned forward and kissed his slave gently. “I would give you anything you asked of me, including your freedom, I hope you realize that,” he whispered.

Rúmil’s breath caught when Faramir spoke and his eyes widened. The man was in love with his brother! That was the only explanation for this but it seemed Haldir was completely blind to it. It wasn’t his place to interfere anyway, and love between an Elf and man had never brought anything good with it. So he simply remained quietly shocked.

Haldir was so caught up in Faramir’s gaze; he spoke the first words that came to his mind. “If I could live here as a free Elf, Faramir, I would,” he said softly, knowing though, that it wasn’t possible, no matter how much he wished it were. He had developed feelings for his master over the past ten months, there was no denying that, but he’d never let himself really think about them. “You have done so much for me, but if you truly would love for me to stay, it would be my honor to do so. I… I am not ready to leave you yet, to be honest.”

Feeling his heart soar from the soft words, Faramir gazed into Haldir’s eyes. “I wish it were possible,” he whispered. “I truly am not ready for you to leave either.” When Rúmil coughed discretely he turned his attention to Haldir’s brother.

“I will draw up an agreement right away, it will free you to return to Lórien immediately and inform your family that your brother is alive and well and will return as soon as he can. Is that agreeable to you?”

Rúmil simply stared for a moment. “Aye, it is,” he answered unable to understand what was happening completely. “Haldir are you sure? You… you’ve been here ten months brother, surely you want to return home? Please reconsider this… you’ve just been offered your freedom and you are turning your back on it.” He saw the pain in Faramir’s eyes and felt badly for it, the man had just helped him but Haldir was his brother and his loyalty lay with him.

Haldir leaned against Faramir and moved even closer as he turned to look at his brother. “I am sure, tor, my place is here, at least for now,” he said, looking directly into Rúmil’s eyes to let him see that he was serious. “I have no doubts about my decision. It is the right one, and nothing, my dear brother, not even you, can change my mind. I am sorry. I know you do not understand this, but I gave my word, and, I really don’t want to leave yet. I… Gods, this sounds strange, but…” He blushed, and couldn’t quite look at Faramir, but continued speaking. “I care a great deal for him, even if I am only his slave. You will have to just trust me on this, and know this is where I want to be right now, little brother.”

Faramir swallowed hard as Haldir said he cared for him. If you said you loved me. You once asked me if I would give up everything for someone I love and Gods if only you loved me back I would. He simply pulled Haldir closer and watched his brother’s reaction.

Rúmil’s eyes widened as Haldir looked directly at him and he nodded. “You taught me what it was to be honorable, Haldir, so I do understand wishing to honor a promise. And Lord Faramir, as kind as you’ve been I do wish to return home as soon as I can. I would prefer it with my brother at my side, but at least I know he is well cared for here… and… happy,” he said the last feeling odd. The very idea Haldir could be happy as a slave still baffled him but he could see it for himself. Haldir was happier here with this man his master than he ever had been in Lórien.

Faramir nodded. “I’ll draw up the agreement after dinner tonight and you can leave as soon as you like.”

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, and two servants entered, bearing large trays of food. Haldir never moved from Faramir’s side, and he watched Rúmil dig into the food as if he was starving, Haldir couldn’t help but smile. Knowing his brother was occupied for the moment, he laid his head back on Faramir’s shoulder and squeezed his hand. “You really would have let me go, would you not?” he asked softly. “No, do not answer that, I know you would. And before you ask, no, I would not like time alone with my brother. I would love for you to stay and get to know him better and for him to learn more about you. Though I will admit I did not want you to know him too well. I was… jealous. Again.”

Faramir grinned when Haldir said he was jealous… again. “I have to admit I like when you get jealous,” he whispered. “Perhaps I should have waited to offer all this just to… enjoy myself a little watching you trying not to be jealous of your own brother,” he teased and then chuckled at the look Haldir gave him. “But even though he looks very similar to you… I don’t find myself attracted to him the same that I was to you,” he whispered for only Haldir to hear then leaned closer his lips almost against his ear, “And still am attracted to you.”

Shivering as Faramir whispered so close to his ear, Haldir’s face flushed and his arm slid around his master’s waist. Rúmil was still eating quite contentedly, watching them even as he seemed focused solely on his food, unable to believe how comfortable they were with each other. Haldir nuzzled against his master’s neck and smiled as he pulled him closer. “And Gods help me, jealous I would be, even of him,” Haldir confessed. “You know… I think my brother could occupy himself with his dinner for the next half hour or so…” He let his breath drift over Faramir’s ear as he continued. “And I think you and I could find ways to amuse ourselves in the meantime, if I could convince you to go into the next room with me…”

Faramir smiled as Haldir made his suggestion and cleared his throat. “We… need to discuss a few things,” he said trying not to grin at his words. “Please try to make yourself at home, Rúmil.” He stood and pulled Haldir up with him.

Rúmil’s eyebrows raised and the look he saw in his brother’s eyes almost made him giggle. It certainly didn’t seem his brother was being forced into doing anything with this human. He couldn’t imagine it himself, but if Haldir was happy he couldn’t begrudge him that. “Thank you… um… take your time?” he said trying not to smirk.

Haldir winked at his brother and let his arm rest around Faramir’s waist again. “We will, brother,” he grinned. “You will probably even have time for a dessert… or two.” With that, he closed the door to the bathing chambers and leaned back against the wall, pulling Faramir against him. One hand slid beneath the waistband of his lover’s breeches and the other tangled in soft, dark hair. “Before you even ask, I am grateful for what you did, and I will never be able to tell you how much,” he said softly, letting his hand rest on Faramir’s hip, rather than going straight to his arousal just yet. He knew Faramir well enough to know how his mind worked. “But that is not why I suggested we come here… I just want you so much, I could not think straight… not even enough to talk to my brother.”

Faramir gasped as he was pulled against a firm body and hands began to move. He was pleased that Haldir wasn’t using this to ‘repay’ him for what he’d done, though he wouldn’t have blamed him if he had felt the need to he was glad that Haldir just wanted him. Pulling his lover closer, shifting his hips as a knowing hand wrapped around his quickly hardening flesh, Faramir smiled. “I’m sure your brother knows exactly what is happening right now judging by the look in his eyes. But,” he whispered drawing back only a little, “You’re certain you don’t want to change your mind though… about my offer? I want you to stay forever if I had my choice but I just want to be sure you really do.”

Haldir’s hand stilled on Faramir’s length as he gazed into serious blue eyes. “I never thought I would say this, but I do want to stay,” he said softly, holding his lover’s gaze so he could see that he had no doubts. “Not only because I gave you my word, but because I… I enjoy spending time with you, Faramir. If we only have 2 months left, then I would like to make the most of them.”

Pain lanced through Faramir as he thought of how short their time truly was and before he could say another word he kissed Haldir deeply. He let his gratitude and love for the Elf show through the kiss and was breathless by the time they drew apart again. They didn’t speak again, only softly whispered pleas as they made love a few times giggling and trying to stay quiet. While both were quite sure Rúmil knew exactly what was going on in the other room, they certainly didn’t feel comfortable advertising it.

Rúmil sat back in the other room after finishing his meal; feeling contentedly stuffed and tried NOT to listen to what went on in the other room. He knew exactly what was going on of course, it was obvious even if he’d been a blind Elf and he was decidedly uncomfortable when he began to hear their passion growing more heated. Trying to block out the image of the two of them together, he wandered over to a bookshelf and began to hum an Elvish tune while he searched for a book to occupy his mind. At least he was to be free and their family and friends would be pleased to know Haldir was alive, and well… and oddly enough… happy.

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