Faramir Fiction Archive

One Chance (NC-17)

04 January 2006 | 1970 words

Characters:Haldir/Faramir
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mention of past abuse and incest.
Author's Notes: Written for Multifandom Smut Challenge (Prompt 66. Wrong) though I had second thoughts about posting it. It didn't seem like a very sexy story to me, and I think I should have found a "fluff" or "angst" catagory to fit this into but, alas. I think I need to claim another haldir/faramir table somewhere...
Not beta'd as usual. Sorry, dears.

Faramir told himself that he would only have one chance to make love to the Elf he adored. Once, and the blond Elf would surely sense that Faramir was unclean…all the years of abuse he’d suffered at his father’s hands had surely tainted him, and someone as pure as Haldir would sense that at once. What he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

He’d planned the evening carefully, inviting Haldir to his room for dinner, having the servants make nothing but the best Elven dishes, asking the minstrels to play their music just beneath his balcony, and making sure his men knew not to disturb them for any reason.

And his plan had worked perfectly. They’d talked over dinner, then settled down on the sofa before the fireplace, drinking wine and sharing tales of their youth. Faramir, of course, left out the bad parts, the years of being beaten and humiliated, of being used and carelessly dismissed. He had spoken only of the good times with his brother, and the few stories Boromir had told them of their late mother.

When Faramir had slid across the sofa, and tentatively closed the distance between them, his heart in his throat and his blood racing in his veins, he was sure Haldir would push him away. Instead, strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer, and as Faramir’s fingers had tangled in long golden hair, their lips had met and they shared the sweetest kiss either of them had ever known.

Their kisses had grown from sweet to passionate, and though Faramir was afraid, he wanted to know what it was like to be with Haldir this way, if only this once, if only for tonight. Their clothes were removed, and in only moments, Faramir was leaning back on the sofa, lost in Haldir's kisses and tender caresses.

Haldir’s touch had been incredibly gentle, and Faramir had startled as the Elf slid first one, then two slick fingers inside him, and it took Faramir several minutes to figure out that Haldir was preparing him, a luxury he’d never been allowed in all the years his father had used him.

When Haldir slowly sheathed himself inside his lover, Faramir sighed softly and looked up into sparkling blue eyes, and told himself that *no*, that wasn’t love he saw there, it was surely only a trick of light, and that if Haldir hadn’t already realized that Faramir was unclean, then he would at any moment.

But the look in Haldir’s eyes did not change, and as he slowly began to move, Faramir could only let his hands run lightly over pale Elven skin, trying desperately to memorize every curve and plane, because he certainly would never have the opportunity to feel this again.

They moved as one, Man and Elf, taking their time and savoring every whisper, every sigh, every plea for more.

Faramir startled again when long fingers wrapped around his sex and began stroking him, and he came only seconds later, the feeling of someone’s hand besides his own moving over his flesh almost overwhelming. Haldir came moments later, crying out his lover’s name and thrusting in deep one final time as he spilled inside the tight channel. His length pulsed and released his seed, coating the muscles clenched around him as his hips continued to shift.

As soon as Haldir stopped trembling, Faramir expected him to pull away, and leave in disgust, angry at being used and seduced by one such as Faramir.

Instead, Haldir stayed inside him, and gently lowered himself to lie on top of his lover, burying his face in the warmth of Faramir’s neck and sliding his arms underneath his shoulders to pull him closer.

Faramir expected Haldir to say that what they’d just shared was nice, but that he had to leave, and it could never happen again. But Haldir began kissing Faramir’s neck, and the words he murmured weren’t that he had to leave, but that he loved Faramir, and what they had just shared had been the most beautiful experience he’d known in all his years.

Faramir then tried to convince himself that Haldir was lying, or, at the very least, trying to spare his feelings, but when he cupped the Elf’s face between his hands and gazed into his eyes, he saw nothing but sincerity and tenderness, and did not understand either.

When Haldir finally slipped from his lover’s body, Faramir pulled away, an apology and a farewell both ready to fall from his lips, depending on the expression on his lover’s face. Instead of leaving, Haldir bent down and gently cleaned him, using nothing but his tongue and lips and Faramir cried softly, wondering when he would wake from this perfect dream.

Strong arms once again wrapped around him and pulled him close, and as Faramir rested his head on Haldir’s shoulder, he knew he had to tell his lover everything, that he could no more live with this deception than he could have prevented his father from using him all these years.

“Haldir, I…” Faramir closed his eyes and took a deep breath, unconsciously moving closer to Haldir as he spoke. “I am sorry. You…you don’t have to stay,” he said softly. “I mean…I know you sensed that I am…impure.”

Haldir let his fingertips run lightly over Faramir’s arm and shook his head. “Meleth,” he whispered softly, “I don’t want to go. I meant it when I said I loved you, and I didn’t sense anything ‘impure’. All I know is that I made love to the one I have searched for all my life, and nothing can ever change that.”

“But…” Faramir looked up at Haldir and saw that the Elf’s eyes held no lie or manipulation, both of which he could recognize easily, as he had known little else in his short life. “Haldir, I…I have been taken before. By…by my father. Against my will, it’s true, but nevertheless, I know you had to have felt his presence, and the taint he has left both on my soul and inside my body.”

“I know what your father did,” Haldir whispered, his eyes filling with tears and his heart aching at the look in Faramir’s eyes. “Your brother told me. He told me about how you bore your secret for all these years, never telling even him until your father had gone mad and taken his own life.”

”And…and you wanted me anyway?” Faramir asked in disbelief. “How is that possible? How could you want me knowing what he did to me?”

“I want you because I love you. What he did doesn’t change the fact that my heart has belonged to you since the first time I laid eyes on you all these weeks ago. Boromir saw the way I looked at you, and though he told me you might not return my feelings, he encouraged me to at least try. It took me weeks to gather the courage to talk to you, and when you asked me to dinner, I thought I would surely pass on to the Halls of Mandos, my heart was beating so quickly. I stopped by and asked Boromir if he could help me, and when I finally was so nervous that I was going to send word to you that I was ill and could not come, he told me the truth.”

”So,” Faramir said softly, “you are here because…you feel sorry for me? Or wished to know what it was like to be with someone who…” His words were cut off by a single, long finger resting lightly over his lips.

“I am here,” Haldir whispered, “because I love you. No other reason, but after my talk with Boromir, I at least told myself that if you rejected me, then you had every reason, and it wouldn’t be only because you found me distasteful.”

“Distasteful?” Faramir repeated. “You cannot be serious. I find you to be perfect and beautiful and everything I have ever dreamed of, Haldir. I have wanted you since the first time I saw you. Tonight…tonight, I wanted to seduce you, because I thought that if I could only be with you once, the memories would last me a lifetime.”

Haldir rolled them both over onto their sides and pressed his lips against Faramir’s. “Only once?” he murmured with a smile. “I think I did not do a very good job if you are already thinking you do not want me again.”

“I…Gods, I want you, Haldir,” Faramir said over the pounding his heart. “I will always want you.”

”Then you shall have me,” Haldir smiled. “You shall have me forever, my lovely one.”

The days melted into weeks, and weeks into months, and Faramir blossomed under Haldir’s love and devotion. When the most beautiful of the Elves visited Minas Tirith and flirted shamelessly with Haldir, and Haldir was oblivious, simply nodding and gazing adoringingly at Faramir as he reached for his hand, Faramir’s head was held a little higher, his smile was a little brighter, and his confidence grew.

When Haldir sent word to his brothers that he would not be returning to Lothlorien, that he would be staying in Minas Tirith for good, Faramir began to believe that maybe, just maybe, Haldir really did mean to be with him forever.

And when Haldir asked Faramir to bond with him, to let their souls entwine for all eternity, Faramir finally accepted that he was, indeed, loved beyond anything he’d ever imagined. He realized that Haldir would move heaven and earth for him, and that if someone as perfect as that could truly love him, then maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t quite as tainted as he used to believe he was. Maybe, he thought, I am worthy of this love, and no matter what father did to me, it’s possible that he truly did not touch my soul.

As he was thinking this, Faramir looked up to meet sparkling blue eyes regarding him with such love, his heart swelled in his chest and he felt butterflies in his stomach. At that moment, he knew, without a doubt that his father had not ruined him, that no matter what had happened to him before he met Haldir, that to the Elf who loved him, he would always be pure and perfect and adored.

Faramir stood and quickly closed the distance that separated him from his lover, and leaned in for a soft kiss. “Let’s get married,” he whispered as Haldir took his hand, gave it a gentle squeeze, and led them to the gardens where they would bind their souls forever.

Faramir moved forward that day, and left his past behind him, insomuch as it is possible to leave those memories in a place where you aren’t tempted to visit, even in your darkest hour. He still had those dark hours now and again, but Haldir was there without fail, to hold him and love him, and bring him back into the light, his love never wavering, and his patience never ending.

And Faramir was thankful for taking that one chance, so long ago, of trying to seduce the blond Elf whom he felt sure would reject him, but who never, ever, even entertained the idea of saying no.

Sometimes, he thought, something good can come of even the wrong choices.

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