Faramir Fiction Archive

Long Goodbyes (NC-17)

Written by Lilith

31 March 2004 | 11024 words

Chapter Four

The moon hung high overhead by the time Faramir reached Caras Galadhon. A blanket of golden leaves muffled his mount's footsteps as he rode through the deserted city. Everything was so quiet, the only sound the rustling wind in the treetops.

Faramir's soul had long gone past anguish. Thoroughly exhausted, he had kept pushing his horse onward even when he realised he would not make it to Lórien in time. He had to see the city again, to try to feel Haldir's presence one last time. But now that he was here he could sense nothing. The elves had gone, and only this beautiful shell remained.

He drew his weary horse up outside Haldir's pavilion and dismounted. The room was bare – even the draperies and bedclothes had been carefully packed away. Faramir ran his fingers along the polished desk, slowly tracing the tiny scratches that Haldir had once touched. Finally he sat down on the bed and imagined the room filled with the elf's possessions – his luxurious robes hanging on the clothes hooks, his books lined up neatly on the shelf, the tiny carving of Minas Tirith that Faramir had given him resting on the bedside table.

Faramir hugged his arms tightly to his chest as he rolled back onto the bed. Although the mattress was bare, it was still softer than the finest silk sheets in Gondor. Here at last Faramir found the presence of Haldir that he had sought. The smell of budding leaves washed over him, the freshness of the elf's scent filling his senses and bringing him back, even if just for a moment.

"Oh, Haldir," Faramir sighed, closing his eyes as he inhaled deeply.

It felt strangely comforting to lie here in the elf's bed. Wrapping his cloak around him, he fell into an exhausted sleep.

---

After the Galadhrim departed, Haldir could not bring himself to stay in the city. It felt so empty, just as he did. He walked out to the northern walls of the forest. The silence seemed more natural here in this corner of Lórien, and he could at last assuage his battered soul.

Galadriel's announcement had astounded him. For countless centuries he had served the Lady and had thought he would always be by her side. His duty to the Queen of Lórien had given him a reason for living, a place in the world. He felt her rejection every bit as keenly as he had felt Faramir's earlier in the day.

The Lady had said there was no shame in not going to the Undying Lands. Yet there was shame in being relieved of his duties – and all because he felt a guilt that he did not choose and could not avert, try as he might. He had hurt Faramir, betraying his fragile trust, and he could never forgive himself for that.

When Faramir had been rescued from the mines, he had trusted no one but Haldir. Even Aragorn, who had been sorely smitten, had frightened the young man in those early days. The elf was the one he had turned to time and time again. And Haldir had felt blessed by that trust, although he knew that he had done nothing to earn it other than to offer his comfort and love. The grief that his decision had brought Faramir was now being repaid by the Lady's pronouncement. Faramir could never trust him again – he could not even bear to be touched by his hands – so Haldir would stay in Middle-earth, alone. Perhaps there was some justice in this after all. He would serve Lord Celeborn, never again to involve himself in the lives of men, until he was ready to pass into the Undying Lands. Perhaps his heavy heart would be lightened by then, or perhaps he would simply fade away from weariness. He certainly felt that weariness coming over him now.

So absorbed was the elf in his thoughts that he did not at first notice the chill in the air, or the leaves on the ground. Finally a gust of bitter wind cut through his cloak. He looked up at the stars, seeing them for the first time through the bare twigs of the mallorn-trees. Then he realised that the Lady's magic was gone; autumn had come at last to Lórien. He hugged his cloak close as he made his way through the carpet of fallen leaves back to Caras Galadhon.

As he reached the centre of the city, Haldir was startled to see a grey horse grazing outside his pavilion. He quickened his pace, almost stumbling in his haste to see what his heart most desired. And there he was: the young dark-haired man, fast asleep in his bed.

Haldir was overcome with joy. Without a second thought he leapt into bed beside Faramir, gathering him in his arms and lavishing kisses on his sleeping face. "Melethen, my dearest!"

It only took a second for Faramir to wake up, and to return the elf's kisses. "Haldir, I thought you'd left," he cried out.

"Oh, my love, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Haldir murmured as he tilted the man's head the better to devour his ruby lips. They tasted so sweet, like fresh syrup, like ... well, like Faramir. How could I have thought I could leave this, he wondered as his tongue met the other's in a passionate dance. All the memories of such kisses that Haldir had stored up flew from his mind, replaced by the realness of this moment. Faramir's hands clutched both sides of his face and he could feel his long fingers tangled in his hair. They kissed until they both gasped for air.

Even as their lips parted, Faramir did not move his hands. He held Haldir's face as he looked searchingly into his eyes. "I thought I had lost you forever," he finally said. "I needed to see you one last time."

"It was wrong of me not to tell you," the elf said. "I should have trusted you – trusted myself." His hands stroked Faramir's arms, needing to just be in contact with him, to reassure himself that he was really there. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"No," the young man said as he drew Haldir into his arms. "You wanted to protect me. I'm sorry I didn't stay with you. We could have had the day together before you left – " Faramir pulled away as a look of confusion crossed his face. "Why are you alone? Where is everyone else?"

"They have departed for the Grey Havens. I am staying in Middle-earth," Haldir explained.

"You're staying here for me?" Faramir asked eagerly as a child. Then he checked himself. This must have been a difficult decision for the elf, and he did not want to be selfish no matter how much he wanted him to stay. Half-dreading the answer, he asked, "Haldir, do you want to leave Middle-earth? I mean, don't all elves want to leave?"

"Yes, we do – well, most of us do," Haldir admitted. "And I want to go too." Suddenly Haldir felt the weight of the day pressing down on him again. His emerald eyes turned moist.

Faramir's heart broke to see his lover so forlorn. He drew him close into his arms, rubbing his back gently as he planted soft kisses on the elf's golden hair. "Oh, my dearest, I can't bear to see you unhappy. I know that you have to leave. I just came back to say goodbye. I was so stupid earlier. I couldn't have you go without telling you how much I love you."

"No, you don't understand," Haldir said as tears streamed down his face. "I cannot leave. The white ships will not bear me now."

Faramir sat up. His fingertips wiped away the elf's tears as he asked, "What do you mean? Have you become mortal like Arwen?"

Haldir shook his head. "No, I am not half-elven. I did not make the choice to stay – it was made for me." He knew that Faramir still did not understand, so he began again. "Elves cannot die, save of injury or of grief. My sorrow over leaving you was so great that Valinor will not receive me, so Galadriel released me from her service."

"Oh, my beloved, what have I done?" Faramir asked in an anguished voice. "I knew I had hurt you, but I never imagined this. I understand now why you said nothing. How could I do this to you? How could I be so selfish?"

Haldir leaned down to kiss away the tears that sprung up in Faramir's grey eyes, gently brushing his lips over the dark eyelashes. "No, my love," he whispered. "Do not blame yourself. My bonds with Middle-earth are too strong. It is not my time to leave."

"Can you go later?" Faramir said, suddenly realising that he knew painfully little about the ways of elves.

"Perhaps," Haldir said. "Until that day, I will serve Lord Celeborn in Imladris. In fact, I must go there tomorrow to begin my service, and to say goodbye to my brothers."

"I will go with you," Faramir said. Haldir started to object, but Faramir put up his hand. "I almost lost you because of my own stupidity; I cannot bear to let you out of my sight so soon."

Haldir smiled at that. "Very well, then we will travel tomorrow. But not too early. Your horse looks almost as weary as you do."

Faramir chuckled. Then he went quiet; Haldir could tell that he wanted to ask something, but he seemed afraid.

"What is it, my dearest love?" Haldir finally asked.

Faramir frowned as he asked, "Will you stay here until your bonds with Middle-earth have passed? Meaning when Aragorn and I are dead?"

"Yes, my love," he nodded, cupping Faramir's chin in his hand. "It was much more difficult to leave you than I ever imagined. I do not think I could bear to attempt it again."

Faramir threw his arms around the elf and squeezed him tightly. "Oh, Haldir, I feel terrible and wonderful at the same time. I know you want to follow your brothers and Lady Galadriel. I cannot imagine how much you will miss them. I love you so much, but I would gladly let you go if it would ensure your happiness." He nuzzled into the elf's hair, pressing hot lips against the graceful curve of his neck. "Yet I will do all I can to ensure your happiness here with me."

The kisses became gentle bites that slowly rambled up his neck toward his ear. Faramir's teeth captured his lobe and suckled it, causing Haldir to gasp in pleasure. Then a moist tongue snaked along the outline of his ear all the way to the point. Haldir quivered as tingles travelled up and down his spine. He could tell that his involuntary movement caused Faramir to smile. Then the man redoubled his efforts, wrapping his soft lips around the tips as sharp teeth bit into his flesh. Haldir arched his back toward Faramir. He felt the man's erection against his hip and tried to press harder against his body. But Faramir was not ready for that yet. With agonizing slowness he worked his way back down Haldir's ear, eliciting a mighty moan from the elf as his tongue lapped the inside of the curve.

After completely covering his ear with kisses, Faramir continued to roam down his face, his warm, moist mouth exploring the perfect line of the elf's jaw, teasing him with light kisses on his lips before plunging down into the space beneath his chin. Simultaneously his hands loosened the lacings on the elf's tunic and pulled the loose cloth over his head.

Faramir smiled as he lowered Haldir onto his back and gazed at the flawless upper body glowing in the moonlight. His lips sought out his right nipple, his tongue caressing the areola, while his fingers pinched and teased the other to attention. Sharp bites brought another moan to Haldir's lips; his palms splayed across the bare mattress. Faramir gave the same service to the other side of his body, leaving the elf panting from this exquisite torture.

Then Faramir moved down along his lover's torso, tickling his stomach with his wiry beard. His tongue dipped into his navel, kissing and nipping the taut abdomen and just slightly brushing Haldir's erection as he loosened his legging and slid them off. The elf bucked in anticipation, but Faramir was not willing to offer that pleasure just yet. He repositioned himself lower on the elf's now bare legs, stroking Haldir's slim hips as his mouth unhurriedly explored first his left inner thigh, then his right.

Haldir could only moan Faramir's name over and over as his warm kisses neared their prize. At long last, when the elf thought he could bear no more, he felt Faramir's lips pressing the head of his erection, teasing out a pearly droplet with his tongue. Faramir lapped it up greedily. Then warm lips surrounded Haldir's erection, sliding with agonizing patience down his entire length. He arched forward to push himself in Faramir's welcoming mouth, but the man's weight held him in place. Faramir moaned, a deep throaty sound that Haldir felt deep inside his cock.

"Faramir, love – please, Faramir!" he cried out incoherently, wanting desperately for Faramir to quicken his pace but at the same time never wanting this building intensity to end. The man knew his body so well – knew exactly how fast to go to keep the elf on the edge, knew exactly how to curl his long fingers under his balls to drive him to the brink and then pull him back at the precise moment.

"Please, Faramir!" Haldir moaned again. Finally the man took pity on him and led him tumbling over into an ecstatic explosion that obliterated all thoughts save one. "I love you, Faramir," he said dreamily.

Faramir raised himself to lay atop Haldir's body. "I love you too," he said, kissing him deeply.

He tugged the man's tunic above his head and tossed it onto the floor. Faramir's cock was straining hard against the leggings he still wore. While loosening the leggings, Haldir allowed his fingers to stroke the bulging fabric. Faramir moaned loudly and hurriedly kicked his pants off. "I want you," he said lustily. Haldir spread his legs wide in invitation. "We have no oil," Faramir said. "I don't want to hurt you –"

Haldir grabbed the man's right hand and drew it to his mouth. Greedily he sucked his fingers, slathering them with his own juices until they were slippery and ready to slide inside his tight entrance. As Faramir stretched his muscled ring, Haldir took the man's erection into his hand. A single touch brought forth enough fluid to lubricate him well.

Haldir raised his hips, wrapping his legs around Faramir as the man lifted him into place. He moaned as the thick cock breached his still taut muscle. He could tell that Faramir was using a great deal of restraint; he could see in his lusty eyes that he wanted more. Haldir needed more as well. He pressed against the man, inviting him to bury himself completely. He moaned again, from pure pleasure this time, as Faramir slid deep inside him, the soft fuzz at the base of the cock brushing against his balls.

Faramir was holding the small of Haldir's back in the crook of his arm, allowing him to enter the elf at a deeper angle. Haldir stroked his reborn erection with one hand, grasping the man's leg with the other to afford greater friction. Faramir was no longer moving with such excruciating patience. He had given full rein to his passion, emitting throaty cries as he pounded fervently into the elf's welcoming body. Now it was Faramir's turn to scream out Haldir's name as he felt the elf's seed surge onto his stomach, inciting him to his own blessed release.

Faramir collapsed onto Haldir's chest, laying there even after he had withdrawn his spent erection. The elf wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. Finally the man recovered enough to move. He kissed Haldir's muscled chest before drawing himself up and resting his head on the elf's shoulder. He knew it would only be a few moments before he fell asleep, but he had to say something first.

Lifting his face up to look at Haldir, Faramir said, "You do know that I need you, now and always?"

"And you know that I am yours, now and always," Haldir replied.

Faramir said nothing, but as he looked deep into the elf's emerald eyes he knew there would no longer be any secrets between them.

---

Faramir woke first. It was still early, but the soft morning light was creeping steadily into the pavilion. Soon they would ride together to Rivendell, where Haldir would bid farewell to his brothers and begin his service to Lord Celeborn. But they had plenty of time before they had to depart. Now he wanted nothing more than to get a better view of the elf. He rolled onto his side, resting his head in his hand as he gazed at his lover.

Faramir never tired of looking at Haldir. If anything, he had grown more beautiful in the two years since they had met. Mentally he traced his broad forehead, the lovely golden hair pulled back from his face by the tousled braids. Then down past heavy dark eyebrows that gave the elf such a serious expression. His perfect straight nose and the flawless skin, marred only by the tiny scar on his right cheek. And finally to the rosy lips, still bruised from the hard kisses of the night before.

It was hard to resist kissing those lips now. In fact, he realised he couldn't. He has slept long enough, Faramir thought as he reached for his lover.

THE END

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