Faramir Fiction Archive

If you can't see me as who I am, then why bother? (NC-17)

Written by Laivindur

22 April 2012 | 74699 words | Work in Progress

Chapter 5

The atmosphere in the group of men was dozy and silent, but jovial as they returned home from a victorious battle. Their voices were low and cheery in the herd of men and horses. The torches lit up some of the smiling faces though some of them turned serious towards the city; even though a battle was won, many were lacking hope for the future. The fantasizing of a soft and warm bed oscillated, while other thought of what to do the next day off.

Earlier mentioned some men shared horses, and this time Faramir sat behind his brother. When Faramir had gone to bed the day before, his sleep had been troubled by his thoughts and feelings for his elder brother. He loved him, but he knew their father didn’t like their good relationship because he meant he was a digression to Boromir, and even though he didn’t ashamed himself over his feelings, he knew it wasn’t approved.

Faramir was courageous standing up to his father and lord the times he did, and received the scolding far better than many others, but only picturing Denethor’s face if he’d ever find out about his feelings was nearly just as bad as he’d imagined a nazgul’s breath would be.

He’d tried to make as much distance from himself and his brothers as possible for the sake of both Boromir and his father, and for his own. He’d been tired of the over protectiveness by his brother, but this seemed to change now after he’d seen him in battle.

Maybe he could spend more time with his brother since they’d been at battle together, and Boromir had told him he was proud. Faramir had wanted to kiss his brother at that moment, and snuggle him, and toss his armor off to touch his skin as much as possible not being bothered if his clothes were soiled in sweat. Faramir blushed as he thought this through where he sat behind his brother on the tall horse.

He didn’t lock his arms around him to keep the distance he’d promised to himself, but couldn’t help but feel his body pressing against his by the steps of the horse. He wanted so badly to place his hands on his thighs and join his body for the rhythm. He wanted to touch his hips and snuggle on his shoulders and neck.

In opposition to Boromir, Faramir smiled at these thoughts. He listened to Boromir’s lovely voice in a conversation among some other soldiers riding next to them. Soon he would indulge a sudden drowsiness.
He could hear the men’s lowered voices, the torches flicker and his body let go of the stress by the reassuring safety. Even though he had been titled as a grown man and captain, he now looked like a cute little brother sleeping on his elder brother’s back. Boromir smiled when a soldier of Gondor made him perceive his brother’s snooze. They both smiled at each other and gazed at the small lights from Minas Tirith in the pitch dark in front of them.

Faramir had been really giving it all in and almost didn’t wake when Boromir lift him off the horse. He could hardly stand, and leant against his brother “You take your brother in while I take care of the king and prince” Boromir’s best commended got his confirmation abruptly from his general as he started to carry Faramir in the doors.

“You don’t have to…” Faramir started blunt. Boromir looked at him to let him finish, but noticed his brother was too tired to continue. In the hallway he tried again: “I can walk by myself you know.” This time he managed to open his eyes a notch.

“You did so well today brother you are to strain yourself no more.” When Boromir looked at his beloved between his arms and smiled, it took a while before the dull creature answered with a blunt smile.
After putting his brother to bed, he lit two candles at the night table and one by his desk full of papers and books. The older brother became curious of the many interesting things and checked if his brother slept before daring to take a look through the scrolls and parchments at the desk.

Lots of drawings and poems covered half the table, and the rest half were maps, books and other parchments. The drawings were creatures he’d been making out of his mind after reading about them apparently. One of them could be a Hell hawk.

Boromir smiled and thought of the times he’d been watching his brother read and draw. He’d been doing it with such passion, and he’d been captured by it. He looked at his brother who was dozing off at the right end of the large bed. His quilts were green with a golden pattern at the edges. They circled in elegant patterns in the corners and fitted his elegant brother.

Faramir’s smooth neck and jawbone took Boromir’s breath away, and he got afraid he’d do something he’d regret if not getting himself out of there soon as possible. He stood up and noticed his brother’s boots were still on, and though he didn’t dare to take his clothes of he’d at least remove the boots. He rounded the bed silently, and grabbed Faramir’s right leg. The outworn ranger gasped in alert while pulling his leg towards him in surprise, making Boromir freeze.

Faramir didn’t have the vitality to steady himself on the elbows further as planned. His eyes closed once again and he fell halfway to sleep with a sigh as he’d sensed no harm from the familiar creature. Boromir had been startled, but smiled as he saw his wary brother fall into relaxation at the sight of him.

He tossed one boot after another on the floor, and gazed on his beautiful brother as his chest lifted and lowered in the rhythm of the breaths. He thought the ranger uniform must have been much more comforting to wear than the steel armor, and longed to take his own off. He rose and took a last glance at his brother before he blew all of the candles out and went to his own chambers. He tossed his armor in the bath place and washed himself somewhat before tossing himself on the bed. A couple of days off would be nice after this extra mission.

His thoughts went to Faramir. He should also feel the delight feeling of getting rid of the uniform. He lay still for a long time and stared at the ceiling thinking of this matter. Only hours until morning he thought, his little brother could manage until then.

The self quarreling man kept giving himself reasons not to visit his brothers chambers but couldn’t help but thinking of it. He decided to at least be able to take his leather armor off. That wouldn’t be a problem he encourage himself, and left his chambers for Faramir’s. His heart pounded and arms shook as he got closer and closer the well known door. Only take off his armor, nothing more he thought, but noticed he trembled more and more thinking of what he actually desired.

Faramir’s peaceful face by the candles’ light did not leave his mind, and he hesitated as he was about to grab the handle. His eager to touch his brother strengthened, but he was determined he was only taking off his armor. He was about to open the door with just as much determination, but remembered just soon enough to open it quietly.

He opened the door slowly as he was afraid of having judgment and accusation jumping out of the room to punch him down in mud of shame. The room was dark, but the well known form of his brother was not mistakable. He did not bother to light any of the candles, both in fright of never leaving, and taking his short staying in mind.

He stopped beside his brother to make his eyes get used to the dark while searching for broaches and knots of the armor. ‘Maybe I should light the lights’ he thought for himself. He felt a sudden awkward feeling as he caught himself just standing in the dark staring at his brother like one stalker.
He pressed his lips together and called himself stupid before he got himself together and light the candle. He felt the blood rush in his face as he stared at Faramir’s face in the warm light. It had become fairer in his absence.
Boromir shook his head to erase the images that taunted him and stepped a tentative step away with clenched fists.

The light from the city and the bright moon made its entrance through the window, but the older brother didn’t notice as he was trying to keep as much distance as possible while stretching out to tie up the knots at his brother’s waists.

After finishing on both sides with intense concentration and restraining, he frowned and couldn’t find a way to take it all off. He searched all over, and stiffened as he figured he’d have to roll him over to get to the main broach. He rolled his eyes ‘Typical’.

He wavered, and could be mistaken for a magician where he held his hands over his brother, had it not been for the sweat pouring and the agonized expression. He was tired and annoyed of this insecurity, and couldn’t help it that his intended gently touch became maybe just a bit too harsh. Just as he grabbed Faramir’s left arm and leg to roll him over, Faramir woke abruptly and screamed while he grabbed Boromir’s trespassing arm, and kicked him in the chest.

Boromir felt the slender tuck slamming hard onto his chest, but it did not flinch him; he’d expected an attack after noticing Faramir’s abrupt awakening, and his great muscles attenuated the strike. He only groaned and waited for the next strike to come. His thoughts through the attack did go to the surprise he felt over his brother’s defense.
Hadn’t Boromir been the giant warrior as he was he’d been struck down, and of course Faramir had to be a bit older and bigger to get it done, but now Boromir blocked the next strike that Faramir intended to give his nose.

He now held Faramir’s right striking hand firm in his left just a few millimeters from the intended spot. He’d also made to capture Faramir’s right kicking leg between his blocking arm and his chest. Faramir’s left arm still had a tight grip on Boromir’s right which the role had been the opposite.

“Bromir!” Faramir’s voice shook with surprise, confuse and regret. Boromir smiled and laughed at holding his brother as he did, and that he’d been using the nickname for so long ago. The slender ranger had given in to his reflexes, and did not get back to fully consciousness after a while. He just stared surprised at his older brother who was now holding half of his body firm in his one arm. When Boromir was sure his brother had no intentions of attacking him further, he loosened the grip to let go of him.

Faramir lowered his foot to the bed as he noticed the slackening grip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was you.” Faramir pulled himself to sit by the headboard with his pillow backing up his tired back, and Boromir sat down by the chair beside the night table with the one light.

“It’s nice to see you have your guard at hand, but I think you’ll be safe in here.” he smiled. Faramir didn’t notice the joke and rubbed his neck and shoulder as he sighed. Boromir’s smile disappeared, and he lowered his gaze to the floor when Faramir stared blunt in the room, clearly affected by something.

“What were you doing anyway?” Faramir’s accusations did not need to be spoken as they flashed in his eyes. Boromir swallowed the sudden tightness in his throat.
“I didn’t want to wake you and thought your sleep shouldn’t be disturbed by the leather armor, so I tried to remove it.” Faramir couldn’t help himself by smiling unwillingly, and a silent laughter bubbled in his lungs. Boromir noticed this and smiled relieved while leaning forward and folding his hands.

“I could use some help with it. The broach is on the back.”

Faramir said and got out of the bed to stand with his back towards Boromir, who’d straightened up his back and placed his hands on his knees. He stared nervously at Faramir’s shoulders, arms, waists, and… his blood rush once again, and didn’t slow down when the younger brother turned to look at him with an expecting look.

He hesitated to rise and unlock the broach, but shot himself from the chair and thought if he did this fast and said good night he’d get out with no harm done. The candle colored their faces with glowing warmth; Faramir relaxed and tired, and Boromir anxious and nervous with intimate images haunting him. But then the broach wasn’t that easy to undo, and Boromir frowned at the weird composite of the armor.

A leather thread kept the vest together at the lower part of the vest, and Boromir’s hands trembled being so close to Faramir’s soft butt. He strived with the thread as it got stuck somewhere. In the while, Faramir just waited for his brother to get it done. He became blunt and almost swayed, but he kept his straight attitude. Boromir became just as annoyed at this as he’d always be when they played board games or puzzles, and as he pulled the thread in attempt to get it loose, he also pulled Faramir so he bumped onto him. Boromir startled by the soft and fragile state of his brother and the touch of his delight body.

“I reckon you’re not used to knots.” Faramir smiled and tried to keep his burning body a secret. He stepped away from the bigger and warmer body to give it a try with the knot, and now it was his fingers’ turn to tremble.

Boromir watched as his brother’s hands gently untied the knot and loosened the broach so the vest easily slid off as he pulled it over his head. His untidy undershirt had been dragged along with the vest and jacket, and hung half way out of his tights.

The small naked spot that appeared made Boromir almost loose his mind. He kept telling himself to leave before he’d do something, but it felt so wrong to leave this delightful creature. Faramir tossed the vest on the chair by the hearth, and Boromir took a few slow steps to his brother while he removed the jacket.
“I hope father will assign you with a more practical uniform.”

Faramir smiled weary when he faced his older brother, but left him unable to smile back as he walked away towards the bed. Boromir couldn’t hold it anymore; he grabbed Faramir from behind and held him in a tight embrace “Brother, I…”

Faramir shut his eyes wide open in shock, and trembled in fear. Boromir didn’t know what to say, he only knew what he wanted to do. In the wonderful while he held his brother he felt a strong and fast pouncing in his palm which held firmly on Faramir’s chest above the heart.

The feeling of his younger brother’s heart pounce hard and fast made him wonder ‘Did I scare him? Or is it the feelings that I suspect he has?’ Boromir was afraid the signs his brother had been giving him, though unwillingly, had been Boromir’s imagination or for real. He turned his brother around to face a blushing and almost weeping Faramir. Boromir’s intentions vanished, and the protective brother appeared.

“Faramir, what’s wrong?” Boromir tried to attain eye contact, but his little one stared at his chest while abruptly answering “You have to leave.”

Boromir could hear the striving in his voice. He knew the numenor blood in him was strong, but he couldn’t have gotten that far in his mind that he’d seen his dreams, and nightmares for that matter, could he? Boromir clenched his brother in an embrace with a protective palm on the back of his head “I’m sorry if I scared you, little brother.” Faramir felt so good in his brother’s arms, but this messed up everything.

Faramir tried half-assed to pull himself out, and swallowed his sorrow to back up what he was going to say “What an absurd thing to say. Scare me?”
When Boromir tightened the grip, Faramir tried harder to pull himself out and grimaced by the strength his brother had evolved “Boromir, what do you mean? I just think it’s time for us to…”
Faramir gave up with a sigh, and embraced his brother instead as he continued in fatigue.
“We have to go to bed. I mean you should go to bed, in your own chamber. You need rest, father is going to blame me if you…” Boromir let go of Faramir to look him in the eyes.
“No, father has nothing on you. This time there’s nothing he can scold you for. If there’s something father is to say to you tomorrow it’s in gratitude for saving his lands.”

Boromir stroke Faramir’s troubled face long enough to make him smile and place a hand on his shoulder. He studied his older brother’s chest with his hand gently sliding down the dark red fabric with green and gold patterns. His smile died, and the sorrow crept back when he spoke with a lowered voice.

“Good night then.” This was what Faramir made to say before Boromir shut his lips with his own in a deep and firm kiss.

Faramir felt a wave of excitement rumble through his body as he finally got the long wanted kiss. His entire body was set on fire, and Boromir caught himself trembling in the heat. The fantastic scent of his brother made his head spin and felt every corner of his body pump with pleasure. Mentioned matter for the both of them.
As Faramir was about to press Boromir away as his hands were rebelling against his wishes, he noticed his right hand was held in a firm and shaking grip by his seducer, and he couldn’t move. After the ecstasy had left Faramir’s head he panicked, still holding on to the kiss.

He was horrified by the consequences that would follow when he’d withdraw. Boromir felt the energy of his beloved change, but he also stayed in the kiss; it had felt so right to kiss him there and then. He had not been able to hold back any longer and triumphed as he’d dared to move, regardless of how wrong he knew it was.

He’d been so happy when Faramir hadn’t rebelled of their lips’ touch, and for a while Faramir had accepted the intoxication of his love, but now, after he’d felt the sudden change, Boromir felt helpless. He also didn’t draw away from the kiss afraid of the consequences of his actions, but he kept his calm either way.

Faramir on the other hand, had never been with anyone as Boromir had, and didn’t know what to do. He was so horrified and clung to the kiss. When he felt his older brother was about to withdraw from the kiss and loosened his grip on the shaking hand, he grabbed his elder brother by the jacket with strong grips and kissed him harder.

Long he’d been avoiding this, and now that his brother had been getting ahead of him, he never wanted it to end. Faramir knew he had to let go some time, and felt his chest burst at the sight of their father in his mind.
He kept his eyes closed and whimpered after the lips parted as he withdrew into the cold space between him and the hot kiss. His feet slowly lost their will to hold the tormented body standing, and fell to his knees in Boromir’s embrace weeping. He tried to keep the tears from shedding, and lowered his head as the attempt failed. Tears ran uncontrolled down his cheeks, and his fierce grip on his brother’s fabric slackened.

Boromir had followed his falling brother to the floor and the whimpers worried him. He’d been sure Faramir felt the same as he’d been giving him that last strong and passionate kiss, which by the way had shot his mind up in the roof and back again, but one last question was to be answered; How did he handle it?

His little brother’s fear was far stronger than his own, apparently, and just that frightened the elder brother. When it came to feelings, Faramir wasn’t the one to overreact. That was Boromir’s thing. He’d come up with so many theories of why his beloved could be crying in his arms, but wanted to hear it from him who he just seemed to never understand.

Boromir was so overwhelmed with emotions that his voice only made it to a whisper as he tried to raise his brother’s head to have a look at him.
“Dear brother, why are you acting like this? Why are you crying?” When he didn’t get any answers, only more whimpers blended with gasps of despair, he started weeping along.
“I love you, Faramir.” As Faramir’s whimpers turned into restrained cries he tugged him in his arms and had no idea what to do but hold him. He was no good with words so this was the solution he’d gone for, ever since they were little and he’d had to comfort Faramir, especially after the quarrels with their father. Boromir jumped when Faramir finally spoke.

“I love you too, dear brother.” This warmed the heart of the elder, but it felt like stopping as the next words made way.
“But we can’t do this.”
More sobs came from Faramir “I don’t want this.”
Boromir thought he would have died if he’d not been able to hear the lies hidden in Faramir’s voice.

He knew these words had something to do with Faramir’s longing to stop casting bad reflections on his father. But actually hearing these words hurt a lot, now that they’d finally crossed over. Then it came to him, things would never be the same again. If they decided to end it like this, the dinners in the great hall, the breakfasts in the garden, the battles, everything, and especially the family meetings, would never ever be the same. He squeezed his brother so tight the younger brother let himself lose balance and fall sideways onto his lap.

Boromir held his brother’s curled up body and let him rest his head on his broad shoulder. Boromir snuggled on Faramir’s neck and cheek with his own lips and cheek. Faramir had gone silent and he breathed silently like he always did while sleeping.

Although, his body responded on Boromir’s soft kisses placed on his neck by stirring a notch and breathing deeper. He also frowned in a cute way Boromir thought. Faramir had gone to sleep, and Boromir felt guilty to have outworn his brother this much. The candle had almost burnt down as he placed Faramir on the bed, and covered the quilt up to his shoulders. The worried frown on Faramir’s eyebrows did not leave though, and Boromir knew the next day was not going to be easy.

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