Faramir Fiction Archive

If you can't see me as who I am, then why bother? (NC-17)

Written by Laivindur

22 April 2012 | 74699 words | Work in Progress

Chapter 2

“No more resisting! And no more of that god damned restraining!” Boromir spoke with teeth clenched. Anger and lust filled his mind “The thing I desire the most is the one thing I can’t get. Why is that so?” Faramir’s grey and frightened eyes filled themselves with tears as Boromir’s grip on his hair tightened, and with the bigger body pressing him against the wall he whimpered. Boromir spoke as he had done, but lowered his voice as he closed in on Faramir’s ear “I want you, Faramir. Can’t you see that? I always get what I want, and now I want you!” The frightened boy’s eyes widened in horror as the words got to him.
The light from the morning-sun shone on the red sheets on Boromir’s bed as he tossed himself up from it to sit as the images of Faramir’s scream woke him.

Sweat poured from his chest, neck and face as he strived for his shaking breath, and his arms ached and trembled. Faramir’s scream in pain, which he’d been given no care for in the dream, echoed in the poor mind of his. The comprehending didn’t take too long taken the fact that this wasn’t the first time his dreams would be filled with this sort of content. His body still tensed as if he still tried to stop himself like he’d tried in the dream. Slowly he calmed down and reassured himself it was only a dream, or in this particular location; nightmare.

The travel to the Harad road to keep away the haradrim surely had taken its toll on the warrior. The room was quiet but for Boromir’s panting. He noticed the sun was rapidly rising and that the morning had started without him. The servants had not bothered to wake him up thinking the long snooze was healing. Besides, no one dared to wake him up after he’d gotten home from battle or a long journey.

He assumed people were missing him at breakfast, and he couldn’t wait to see his brother after weeks of missing him, so he jumped still a bit shaky out of bed to dress. Boromir had been so glad when his little one had returned from Rohan two years ago, but his father made sure the captain and heir was busy with work, duty and counsels, so he had not been able to spend that much time with Faramir, but now he was fret of it and hoped he could stay home longer to get to know more of his little brother. He tossed the night garment aside and hurried with both wash and clothes.

Laughter from various people filled the great halls of black and white, and made Boromir smile as he entered it. Servants and guards bowed and he answered.

Faramir was in a deep and joyful conversation with a person across the table which Boromir couldn’t get his eyes on because of the crowd. His younger brother squinted with his eyes like he always did whenever he tried to convince somebody of something and eagerly awaited answer. Boromir had been late, and the meal was reaching to its end, but people lingered for conversation over the long dark brown table. Faramir sat in the middle on the left side with Beregond, the loyal lieutenant, at his side, and some other men of Gondor were scattered.

Faramir himself and several others wore ranger uniforms and looked extremely jolly for being so sweat and dirty. Boromir frowned at the unfamiliar looks of his little one. Hadn’t he been home this night? Surely there had been a lot of things going on in Boromir’s absence. He had been so worn out at his return the day before that he’d gone straight to bed. When he got closer he noticed the rest half of the crowd was unfamiliar, or people he’d not seen for ages; it was people from Rohan.

He could see Faramir laugh. Even though it was unable for his ears to perceive the laughter, his mind replayed the viral and bubbling laughter his beloved little brother possessed. It had lightened Boromir’s heart, but a sudden jealousy appeared when he got closer and saw Théodred sitting across his beloved brother, and sharing his laughter.
He got ashamed of himself for being so absurd, and excused himself by the reason he’d not seen his brother for so long, and didn’t want to share him, though he couldn’t help but wonder; what would bring him here to see Faramir after only two years?

When Boromir came closer, undetected by Faramir as he was gone in the conversation, he circled into the whereabouts and noticed the whole royalty of Rohan were present. His confusion turned into cheer when Éowyn and Éomer turned their little smiling faces towards him, and king Théoden nodded approvingly.
Boromir knew about the poor children who had lost both parents in a single year only two years ago, and did not think it strange when their smile had a hitch of unsecure sadness hidden within. They kind of resembled Faramir when he was at that age, he had the same smile.
He turned his attention to king Théoden after fumbling little thirteen year old Éomer’s blonde hair while giving him the known Boromir smile, and then to turn it over to the king.

“What gives us the pleasure of this unexpected visit?”

King Théoden made a short laugh before speaking “It’s nice to see you again Boromir; strong and healthy as always.”
A tiny humble smile approached the great warrior as he nodded gratefully to the solemn and cheerful king, and he continued
“Théodred over there, and I, had been training some new youngsters in patrol when he started speaking of Faramir and his performance while training in his troop two years ago. He wouldn’t shut up about it”
Now they had gotten both Faramir and Théodred’s attention. Boromir looked amazed at his surprised but cheerful brother, who actually didn’t know what the two were talking about, he was only glad to see Boromir, though he had only noticed because Théodred had turned.

Théodred had been listening with his other ear, and because of the subject, he wanted Faramir to pay attention. King Théoden continued after giving Faramir a foxy smile, which left Faramir the only one in confusion where he glanced at everyone who just smiled and went silent. The men closest to the king had their attention towards him, and Faramir blushed the slightest at what he said.

“He was going on about how he would have done the job much better despite his age” Théodred’s big confirming smile made Boromir even more amazed. He had been so busy following his father’s orders that he’d not paid attention to Faramir’s engaging in battle, and their father had not let him engage that much other than the millitary camps. Everyone looked at Faramir.
“Who? Me!?” Théodred and Théoden laughed. Beregond and the other rangers were proud of their captain and fellow ranger and straightened their back with a surprised smile. Boromir, as slow he’d always be in the morning, had some trouble thinking Faramir in Théodred’s troops. The rohirrim had great strength and tactics, and Boromir was pleased to see his brother be accepted so well, even so; Faramir belonged to Gondor.

King Théoden spoke deterred “But it is true, Faramir” Faramir jumped by the kings viral and strong voice “You are one skilled man”. The king blinked to the youngster, and the now blushing boy felt the attention towards him get too big for his comfort; he had done great the first time out as a Captain, but had not expected this much acknowledgement.
The proud king turned to Boromir once more. “Anyway, my son here wouldn’t shut up about it. To make him so I decided we’d at least go for a visit. Our lands have been clean for some while…”
The king placed his hands on the children’s heads who sat side by side by their uncle “…and I think it’s good for the children to get some novel air in their lungs” this was a gesture to make the children go outside, and after returning their smiles, he made sure they were out of hearing before going on with a grim voice.

“As I said, our lands have been somewhat free of orcs about a year now, and we haven’t heard or seen of them for some time. Until, we actually met Faramir and his troop between Firien and The Druadan forest with news of orcs roaring our sacred lands. As Boromir frowned at this and turned his confused gaze at his younger brother, Théodred spoke
“Come, sit down, Boromir. You need nourishment for our long heading.” With a questioned look on Théodred he sat down and waited explanation, still not too happy about Faramir being so far from home while speaking of orcs, and the little detail of the prince taking Faramir’s attention.

Théodred’s smile vanished “There is a horde of orcs hiding in the Druadan forest that Faramir detected this night. He managed to get their direction where we will strike an ambush.” Boromir was impressed by their vitality, three to four days riding, and now they were setting out for battle. This started to be too much for Boromir at this time of day. He rubbed his forehead to get things on place, and still tired as he was he leaned on his elbow. Faramir wanted to smile; he knew his brother’s flounders in the mornings.

All the annoying feelings and questions that had approached Boromir before an hour after waking, and not to mention the sweat that still damped him after that awful nightmare, was quite the lot, but at the talk of fighting he felt his blood rush. Boromir was about to answer to Théodred, but as soon as he opened his mouth, a plate of his usual breakfast was set before him by a servant. It was a fine maiden with a dark green dress with a golden belt, matching her long dark brown hair. She had a firm grace upon her being.

Even though it was not common for servants to prepare the breakfast, she did it for him nonetheless. She knew exactly what he liked, and she knew how Boromir could be this early. Those who would take a closer look understood she had a thing for him, but the admired one seemed to never realize. He bent backwards to let her way as she placed the full silver-plate before him with a charming smile, and thanked her.
As soon as the servant was gone he continued “This sure came to ambush me. When are you planning to leave?” Boromir longed to talk to his little one, but once again duties came ahead of it.

Théodred smiled with his keen eyes “The orcs are hiding in the shadows by the trees at Cair Andros. As soon as the night returns they will leave west doing what orcs do best” Sharing the same anger of the orcs’ villainy Boromir and Théodred gazed at each other. They couldn’t wait to slay down the foul creatures, in contrary to Faramir. Their gaze shifted to him.

A humble and a bit forced smile curved his lips as he saw Boromir’s worried face in contrast to Théodred’s motivated one. He lowered his gaze to the table thinking what went through their heads. So alike they were, but still total difference: Boromir’s thoughts: Is faramir going to join us? He can’t face those menacing orcs! I can’t believe he has been out there, has father finally let him? And while I was away! I want to be there with him!

Théodred’s thoughts: Yes! I and the steward brothers, we’ll take on the orcs. Oh, jolly to fight by Faramir’s side again. And the mighty Boromir at my side! This can’t go wrong! – Then he spoke – “Well, we’ve been traveling all night. Sleep is necessary.” He blinked at Faramir and rose to walk away. Faramir nodded still with his tiny smile curving his lips.

Boromir’s feelings could be revealed at last as the tables had been emptied in their conversation, and the brothers were alone in the great hall with a few servants skipping about. Faramir rose and was about to walk to his chambers when Boromir startled and stopped him with his confused and worried voice “Where are you going?” Faramir frowned and spoke with his soft and tender lips “I’m going to bed.” His brows moving as a hint to what the Prince Théodred had said. Boromir’s heart pumped by the soft and tender lips; his dream still taunted his mind and he was nervous around him.
‘Faramir, always the proper and decent boy.’ Boromir cursed to himself.
As he could not force out an answer, he saw Faramir think his behavior a bit too weird this morning and left his brother with his untouched plate at the table in the empty hall.

Without giving his meal a hint of attention he made an abrupt turn from the bench and ran to catch up with his little brother in the hallway. Faramir had just made it to his door, when he heard his brother’s noisy running steps in the hallway.

He was about to turn around to face him but the elder brother came ahead and was now standing before him blocking the door. Faramir’s patience was reaching its end.
After Boromir caught up with his breath he asked the utterly annoyed Faramir.
“Have you been taking place with the rangers? And why were you out this night? I thought I was gonna…”
With a sigh Faramir answered “Father has given me orders to patrol our lands in discretion to gather whatever information.” Faramir had been so eager to show his quality over the past year, which everyone knew, but Denethor thought of it as pestering.

People were expectant to see what the steward would make of his youngest son after everyone had seen his potential. But since his skills had been taught in Rohan, Denethor despised it even more, and regretted the agreement.
He had simply done it because he knew Faramir was a digression to Boromir, and wanted him off and out. To Denethor’s resentment, Faramir and Théoden along with Théoden’s kin had been likeminded, and Faramir’s self-confidence had grown in the wrong direction.

Faramir’s assignment had been his backfire for his attempt to prove himself worthy, and it was also the steward’s excuse of getting Faramir away as long as possible.

Denethor wasn’t only a disapproving father, but a cunning ruler, and did use Faramir for what he could. He knew after their nights of chess that his youngest had a gift for strategy, but not the same priority that he had in mind. The youngest lord and the Steward were the only one who knew the rest of the story; for no one to see but them, it was also his punishment.

Denethor would never give Boromir this duty as his life would be in danger at all times; searching and spying on enemies, crossing borderlands of the enemy, and of course the best thing about it: keeping an eye on the horrifying creatures that did not touch daylight.

Faramir had been so unlucky that he had surprised Denethor in the tower of Ecthelion using the palantir. Faramir’s stealth had been one of the reasons for his assignment, just as he’d been using it unconsciously to discover his father with the palantir. The boy had only been curious of a shimmering light he’d been noticing in the tower of Echtelion, and got just as surprised as his father.

Denethor’s threats and Faramir’s wish to gain his trust had been keeping him silent.
Seeing Boromir’s illegible face he half laughed in a half annoyed manner “What exactly do you think I am doing when you are out?” “Sitting around reading books.” Boromir’s lethargic voice annoyed Faramir to the limit. He was about to yell at Boromir, for this angry he was, but he understood his brother.

“I see you still have problems looking at me as a man who knows to take care of himself. I’m leading my own group of men for Gondor’s and Arda’s sake!” As Faramir noticed he didn’t cope to tame his anger he stopped to take a deep breath.

Boromir saw something else bubbling in his brother’s anger than his overprotective-elder-brother-problems, and let Faramir continue “I can cope with father’s lack of fate in me, but if you can’t see me as I am, brother, then what’s the point?!”

Boromir damned himself once again, and placed his hand on Faramir’s shoulder “I’m sorry. I…I just love you so much I can’t handle loosing you, especially not for some stupid orc hunt.”
Boromir couldn’t bear it anymore and hugged Faramir
“Who says you are going to lose me?” Faramir’s voice subdued in Boromir’s shoulder “It’s the risk out there. To protect our lands, it is just as much my duty as yours.” Faramir drew himself out of the embrace “Don’t worry.”
After the worried frown in his elder brother’s forehead had not vanished he added: “please!”

Boromir quickly took a look around before getting closer to his brother “What about the time they left you to die, Faramir? It aches me to keep it secret.”
Faramir remembered the lie he’d told two years ago, and felt the scars burn. The images of the truth dwelled his mind and he failed to hide his stirred expression. He looked at Boromir with a face not knowing what to say. Boromir regretted what he had said and was about to speak when Faramir spoke abrupt “I will be joining you for tomorrow either you like it or not, so let me go to sleep or there’s a higher chance I’m going to get struck down.”
Boromir jerked and grabbed his brother into a tight embrace. As Faramir felt his body being crushed by the bigger man, he groaned “Boromir, you have to release me or else there will be no more breath to keep me alive.” Boromir loosened his grip and finally let him go. After Faramir got a hold of his breath, he cleared his throat and said good night before entering his chambers.

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