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This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «Abuse, non-con/rape».
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Darkness and Light (NC-17)
Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean11 August 2009 | 145537 words
Title: Darkness and Light
Authors: Sairalinde & Anorienparker
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Faramir/Haldir, Haldir/OMC
Warnings: Abuse, non-con/rape
Summary: After eight years of being held in slavery, Haldir finds solace in his new cellmate Faramir. That solace grows quickly into love that drives him to make the ultimate sacrifice for his lover to have Faramir set free and away from harm. But the sacrifice turns out to be much different than he expected and Haldir finds new love with someone he never imagined he would.
Disclaimer: No money was made from this story and all characters belong to the incredibly talented Mr. JRR Tolkien and his estate.
Authors note: An alternate ending in its entirety will be posted on a website at the conclusion of this story.
Chapter 1
You will give yourself freely to me or to your new master whenever requested.
You will give yourself freely to anyone I or your new master deem worthy of bedding you.
You will never attempt to escape.
You will take your punishment proudly for any infraction; said punishment will be determined at the discretion of your new master.
Failure to follow the terms of this contract will lead to the immediate capture and subsequent torture of not only your brother Rúmil, but Orophin as well. You will be bound and held in the highest tower of Isengard, where you will watch them being beaten and raped, starved and humiliated until the last breath is drawn from their bodies.
This contract is bound by my will and by magic, fueled by the power of Sauron himself.
Haldir read words on the thin parchment again and again, but nothing changed the second, or even the third time. He looked up at Saruman, who was smiling smugly, and tried to bite back his disgust at the very thought of the old wizard touching him.
Saruman had patience, however. He never looked away, never said a word. He simply kept his hand on the palintar that showed a clear picture of Rúmil and Orophin as they lay in their bed, curled up together, asleep and completely unaware that their eldest brother was about to give up everything for them.
Blinking back his tears, Haldir’s hand shook as he signed the contract, wishing that he were already dead.
He would not be granted such a luxury. Not for a very, very long time.
“Come pet,” Saruman’s eyes glittered darkly even in the dimly lit room. “It is time you earned your keep.”
It took everything in Haldir to make himself stand, but he somehow managed to do so, gritting his teeth and following meekly behind the gray-haired old man. “I will do as I am bound,” he muttered, knowing full well that Saruman could hear him, “but do not expect me to like it, or condone it, or ever want it.”
His simple statement was met with a short, harsh laugh. “I could bind your tongue, but then, where would the fun in that be?” Saruman reached over and wound his fist in Haldir’s hair, then jerked the Elf into the next room – the council room where he held his most secretive meetings.
“Now, I think you might need a bit of warming up,” he smirked, murmuring a spell beneath his breath.
Haldir felt as if a dozen hands were suddenly gripping his arms and legs. He was propelled across the room and bent over the long table that sat in the middle of the floor. Ropes bound his ankles to the bottom of the table legs, and leather restraints wound around his wrists to bind his hands.
Cool, long fingers reached between his legs as the Elf gritted his teeth and tried to think of anything else but what was about to happen. His testicles were tugged at, rolled in the palm of the wizard’s hand and pulled down hard. Before he could protest, a cold metal ring was placed at the base of his scrotum and around his now flaccid sex, then fastened tightly, making a clicking sound as the tiny clasp fell into place. Words of magic were uttered softly as the ring became even tighter.
Another, then still another ring was placed until his testicles were hanging down well below their normal position. He gave a small gasp and struggled uselessly, causing Saruman to mutter another spell, tightening the rings a bit further.
His face flushing as he bit back a grunt of pain, Haldir bit into his bottom lip and pressed his forehead against the table.
“The first ring is one you will wear as long as you are in my service,” a soft, silky voice from behind him explained. “It is a submission ring, and cannot be removed, except by myself or your master, who already possesses the key that will control and unlock it. Whenever you disobey…” He paused and turned a dark ring on his index finger clockwise for a moment, “then you will be punished.”
At the turn of the ring, Haldir felt as if fire had been gathered in his groin and exploded through the length of his sex. He screamed in agony, and would have grabbed himself had his arms been free. The pain was gone a moment later, and the room was filled with Saruman’s laughter and Haldir’s harsh breathing. “That was only the first setting. There are five.”
Haldir could only whimper, tears filling his eyes, as he entire body shook against the cold hard table.
“And this” – another pause, and the Elf felt a searing pain just behind his scrotum – “is a jewel cut by your own jewelsmiths. After I use you, you will be given to one of my slavemasters. You are my gift to him. Every time someone takes you, they will see that you belong to him, and, ultimately, to me.”
Haldir bit back a sob as his skin was pierced by the thin gold ring with a single opal fastened to it. Saruman fastened the clasp, spelled it closed, and gave it a light tug, causing Haldir to bite back another cry of pain. “It too, cannot be removed, pet, so I would not suggest you even try. For your own hands to even touch it will activate the submission ring… and I don’t think you want that.”
The old wizard leaned over his victim and pressed his thigh between Haldir’s legs, applying pressure to the now painfully sensitive parts of his genitals. “Say it, Elf,” he whispered, running his fingernail over the sensitive tip of Haldir’s ear. “You signed the contract, but say you give yourself to me.”
He was met with silence.
“I can have Rúmil brought here and…”
“No.” Haldir turned his head to the side and felt an overwhelming hatred for the Istari beside him. “I will give myself to you.”
With that, the golden Elf felt something cold and hard enter him. It was, thankfully, slick and thin… at least at the beginning. He felt the object still, then expand, stretching him too quickly, causing him to wrap his fingers around the end of the table to keep from moaning. As quickly as it had entered, the thing was gone and to his horror, Haldir felt warm flesh being forced inside his entrance.
So this was it. He was to be taken by Saruman first, then the Valar only knew who else after that. And there was no end in sight. He had given his permission, so he would never fade. He was a strong and healthy Elf, so their punishments would likely heal quickly and never kill him.
Gone were the days of laughter and joy of the life he’d known with his brothers.
This was his new life… a life of pain and humiliation. A life as a whore to a slavemaster who was loyal to Saruman himself.
As the wizard began to thrust, Haldir whimpered softly and simply prayed that his dear brothers were safe and would never think of him again. His one request was that their memory be altered, one which, surprisingly, Saruman had agreed to. Haldir didn’t want them spending the rest of their lives searching for him, and neither did Saruman, though for entirely different reasons. It would be easier, Haldir thought, if they simply remembered him dying a warrior’s death in battle. They would mourn, then go on with their lives… as they should.
And Haldir… Haldir would forever remember their smiling faces and the beauty of the home he would never see again.
Eight years later…
Haldir opened his eyes, but didn’t move as his new cellmate was thrown unceremoniously through the doorway, landing hard on his shoulder. It was a Man, another of Dorvane’s countless prisoners, to be used and discarded when he tired of him. The man was unconscious… and lovely.
He took a deep breath and studied the slack face before him. It was difficult to move after the beating he’d sustained the evening before, when Dorvane was displeased with him for some minor imagined infraction. Haldir had been serving his ‘master’ for almost 8 years by then, and he knew that once Dorvane had his mind set on seeing Haldir bleed, there was no getting out of it. Often, the golden Elf would simply move things along a bit by snapping at his dark-haired captor and waiting for the flogging to begin. Seeing him bleed always made Dorvane aroused and rougher than normal, but Haldir had learned that crying out only excited him more… and made Dorvane that much more frenzied, sometimes loosing all control. His actions would have killed a man, and even some Elves, but Haldir was determined to live – though sometimes he wasn’t sure why he wanted to.
Handsome. One of the more gentile ones, I would wager from the look of him, but a warrior as well.
Faramir did not see the room he was so roughly thrown in, nor did he see the other inhabitant because he was unconscious from the ‘initiation’ and thankfully so. If he had seen it though it would have surprised and confused him. The room was well furnished and seemed to be made up of more than just one room or cell as he would have expected. A large bed with nice, even expensive linens, a couch, a chair and a small kitchen area with a small table were even a part of the room. It seemed as if he were a ‘guest’ rather than a prisoner though the door was bolted and the windows sealed and unbreakable. One could still see outside though, see the freedom just beyond. Held by magic not just force.
The man moved just a little on the cold floor, consciousness starting to creep back in, though the pain was still there. The ache between his legs was unlike any pain he’d ever felt before and he wondered how it was possible he was here now. Faramir groaned and tried to move his legs but the pain of it stopped him. The floor was cold but that was fine… he would just rest there a while longer.
The addition of another prisoner usually bought Haldir a few days of peace, but he couldn’t bear to take comfort in the pain of another, so he was almost as anxious while they ‘played’ with their new toys as if he were the object of their attention himself. He always did his best to tend to his fellow prisoners, and he had become friends with a few, but they never lasted long; either killed providing their ‘service’ or moved to another of Saruman’s captains’ farms to pleasure the inhabitants there. As the unconscious form was thrown into the room and tried only feebly to move, Haldir knelt by his side and gently brushed the hair back from his temples. A quick look toward the man’s legs, and his worst fears were confirmed – there was so much blood, the poor man had obviously been through his initiation ceremony and had been claimed by both Saruman and Dorvane and probably many of his friends, not to mention been fastened with the submission ring and a piercing. He couldn’t see the man’s face, but already he saw that this one was fairer than all the others. “I do not know if you can hear me or not,” he said softly, “but I am going to take you to a nice warm bed and give you something for the pain.”
Faramir was too weak to struggle when someone touched him, afraid they might hurt him more, but the soft voice soothed him a little. The promise of a warm bed and something for the pain was unexpected but not unwelcome by any means. He gasped as he tried to look up, his muscles sore from the rigid position he’d been held in for so long before. Strapped mercilessly to that hard table, his body ached everywhere, inside and out. “Hurts,” he murmured as he was rolled from his side. He cried out a little as he was picked up and his arms weakly wrapped around someone’s neck. He had no idea if this was just a trick, if this person was going to hurt him more but for now, he would take solace that for the moment he was not having more pain inflicted on him. “Where… where am I?”
Holding the young man as gently as possible, Haldir felt an intense burning anger at both Dorvane and Saruman for inflicting pain on someone so young and fair. He couldn’t see the man’s eyes, but his face, beneath the bruises and blood, was heartbreaking beautiful even while filled with so much pain. Carrying his precious charge across the room, he laughed bitterly and answered. “You are in your new, beautiful home… at least the place you will call home for the next year or so, until Dorvane and his friends tire of you or until… you die… you are no longer able to perform your so-called duties.” He lay the man carefully down on the soft sheets, which were immediately stained with blood. No matter. He was provided with clean sheets every day, clean clothes, the best food and herbs… he was, in fact, provided with everything but his freedom and a life free of pain and humiliation.
Faramir frowned when he heard the laughter, the bitter tone of the other man’s voice. He opened his eyes just a little, they were still clouded with tears of pain but he needed to see. It was true. The room was beautiful, the bed was large and soft and as he was laid against the sheets he moaned in pain but kept his gaze on the other. He was beautiful… dark bruises in the shape of fingers were along the side of his neck though and his eyes looked… sad. “You… are not a guard are you?” he asked softly.
Haldir gasped as blue eyes opened and met his gaze. He was unable to speak for a moment; he was so mesmerized with all that lay behind the pain and shock of the last few hours. Gods, the man was beautiful, and the Elf, for the first time in years, was immediately drawn in. “No, I am not a guard,” he whispered, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of the man’s mouth with his thumb. “I am a prisoner here, like you… or, more to the point, I am Dorvane’s and Saruman’s – unwilling – pleasure slave.”
Faramir was startled by the look on the other’s face and realized that this wasn’t a man he was looking at, but an Elf! They had captured an Elf and were doing the same things to him as they had done to Faramir? “Gods… pleasure slaves… but… I do not understand any of this. I was… I was asleep and then I heard one of my rangers call out, saying they saw something in the woods. The next thing I knew a dark hood was over my head and I do not know what happened to the rest of my party. Why… why are they doing this? I have never heard of such… treatment of prisoners before.” Faramir was still confused and felt weakened from everything that had occurred in the last day and a half. Where was this place? He’d expected to be tortured for information on troops and battle plans but they never even asked a single question other than those to force him to sign his ‘contract’ as they’d called it.
Standing and making his way to the small kitchen that was in sight of the bed, Haldir wondered where to begin. He started crushing together the herbs one of the guards regularly traded for ‘favors’ and divided them into two parts – one for a tea and one for a salve. He’d had to use both so many times he’d lost count years ago. “Saruman is shrewd and cruel,” he explained. “He has spies on the battlefield in every realm – even some among the Elves, as far as I can tell, so he has no need for information. His men are loyal to him, but they have been bred to be cold and malicious, and often end up killing one another between battles. And so Saruman decided to give them shelter at his farms – spell-protecting homes for dozens of soldiers, where they can enjoy the best food, the most comfortable beds… and slaves to unleash their anger upon. It keeps them happy, and that, in turn makes them even more loyal to Saruman, so he never has to worry about an uprising or internal fighting. That is why we are here… to appease these soldiers, to keep them from rebelling or turning on one another.”
Faramir’s eyes had followed the Elf as he crossed the room to the small kitchen area and frowned. They were merely toys to Saruman and his new master Dorvane. “So he randomly captures men and… apparently Elves to do this… I thought I had heard most everything about this war but I had no idea about this,” he said softly, his throat still raw from screaming. Faramir tried to push himself up in the bed, but instead let out a soft whimper. His wrists were raw from the shackles that had held him and he was simply too tired and weak to move on his own. “What good are we to them if they hurt us too much to do anything?” he grumbled as he gave up and simply lay back against the bed.
Another bitter smile touched Haldir’s lips and anger flashed behind his eyes. “Remember, Saruman is a powerful Istar.” He put a pan of water over the fire to warm and carried the salve back to the bed, where he sat beside his new companion. “He loves to see us suffer as Dorvane and his men play, and then he brings us back here, to our lovely little home for a few days to heal. When he is ready for us again, he sends the guards for us. There is a spell around our rooms – one that heals us, but only when we leave, so that we are not too broken to provide them with a bit of fun. Sometimes he watches, but he is often not here, and leaves all the ‘fun’ to his guards and the slavemaster, Dorvane.” As he spoke, he gently took one of Faramir’s wrists and applied the salve. It was a healing potion, but Saruman would not allow him herbs that were strong enough to completely heal or deaden the pain. It was enough only to take the very edge off, but he learned to be grateful for even this small concession when the pain was truly overwhelming.
Frowning, Faramir shook his head, unable to believe such cruelty. At one time Saruman had been their ally. “How long have you been here?” he asked softly and then hissed as the Elf applied the salve to his wrist. “And my name is Faramir by the way. Thank you for helping me but I fear your work will end up being wasted when they come again will it not?” He sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, wondering if even now they were being watched.
Haldir smiled for the first time as he looked closely at Faramir once again, despite the less than cheerful subject matter. He lifted Faramir’s hand and blew warm air onto his wrist, knowing it would ease the sting, if only a little, then reached for his other wrist. “I have been here about eight years by my estimation,” he said softly, “and my name is Haldir.” He repeated his ministration on Faramir’s other wrist and then stood to drop a washcloth into the warming water. When he sat back down, he began wiping the blood from Faramir’s face, knowing that he would be in too much pain to even do such a simple task. “You will have a few days of peace if you are lucky. They will most likely come for me tomorrow, and keep me for most of the day. Mid week they go into the village for supplies, so we have an extra day there. They may come for you the next day though, but I can most likely provoke them a bit and make them take me that day as well.”
Faramir was slightly puzzled by the way Haldir smiled at him, as if for just a moment he had simply forgotten where they were and they were just two people discussing the events of the day. It actually calmed his nerves more than the Elf could have ever realized. “Eight years? Gods, after today I’m not sure I could last eight days,” he murmured and was touched when Haldir blew on his wrist, much like his brother used to do when he was a child and had gotten hurt. He shook his head violently though when Haldir spoke of provoking them. “Do not do that… you have enough to deal with yourself you should not protect me. The notion is appreciated of course… but I cannot let you do that. I’ll survive somehow… I doubt they brought me here to kill me in a week right?” Faramir hoped so at least.
Shaking his head, Haldir wished he could do more than spare Faramir for a day. “I am used to their attentions and Elves heal more quickly than men… though, no, they will not kill you in a week. Only make you wish you were dead. They provide us with plenty of food and even books, so our minds and bodies stay active on the rare days when we are healthy enough to enjoy such amenities.” He stopped, then looked down, until then having avoided calling attention to anything below Faramir’s waist. The bleeding had slowed, and he knew it was yet another of Saruman’s spells that covered the house – he wouldn’t stand for anyone bleeding to death when he wasn’t around to watch. “You were initiated today, and, unfortunately, this is one of the less painful procedures you will endure. However, if you will permit me, I will put some salve around the ring as well, and… the other areas that were damaged…”
Faramir’s eyes grew wide as Haldir said that what he’d went through today was one of the LESS painful procedures. By the Valar, he wasn’t sure he would survive after all. He hoped to at least heal enough to attempt escape but if this was the condition he was to be in so often how would he do it? He startled just a little as Haldir spoke of the ring and almost shook his head, fearing that it would hurt worse to treat it or that Saruman or Dorvane would use the ring against him just because of it. “I… I am afraid that… that he’ll use that thing,” Faramir admitted, hating the thought of admitting his fear to a perfect stranger but if anyone would understand this Elf would.
Knowing all too well the agony of the damnable ring around his genitals, Haldir nodded sympathetically. He was having trouble looking away from those blue eyes that had so entranced him, but knew Faramir was in pain and he needed to concentrate on that before anything else. “He will allow us to help and heal each other,” he explained. “For the most part, he only uses the ring during a session or when we are disobedient. But part of the reason he always puts two prisoners together is so they can tend to one another. He always insists his slaves are clean and at times, when a slave is alone, he simply doesn’t have the strength to take care of or bathe himself. If you had rather apply the salve yourself, however, I understand. I am sure the last thing you want is someone else touching you where your injuries are the gravest and most painful.”
It sounded strange in his mind but Faramir was grateful that at least he was with someone who understood what it felt like. Haldir was being exceedingly kind but there was no way the Elf would want to tend his wounds there, so Faramir nodded. “It is not right… you should not have to tend anyone least of all that,” Faramir murmured as he tried desperately to push himself up to even attempt to treat his own wounds but he couldn’t. He was too sore, in too much pain and his body would not cooperate. Shaking with effort he lay back against the bed and felt tears sting his eyes at his own feeling of ineptitude.
Haldir frowned, knowing that Faramir’s modesty was at war with his body’s limits and exhaustion from what was no doubt hours and hours of pain. He reached up and brushed his hand lightly over the hair at the young man’s temples, soothing him as best as he could for the moment. “Faramir, I understand, honestly I do. But, until you are taken to another of the farms, you and I will have no one but each other. I would like to earn your trust now, while you can still think, rather than have them hurt you worse,” – he stopped and shivered at the images of both the things he’d seen and had done to him – “and come back here angry and afraid of me.” His voice was low, almost pleading, but he was careful not to make it sound coaxing, as Saruman often did in certain best-forgotten situations. “Please… let me help you. I do not like watching you suffer.”
It saddened him immeasurably when Haldir spoke of only having one another. Both he and Haldir had their lives ripped from them, their families and their dignity was something that would never really belong to them as long as they were here at Saruman’s disposal. The Elf was right, Faramir needed him and being stubborn right now was doing no one any good. Besides he was bleeding all over the Elf’s bed. He sighed and cleared his throat before he could speak. “I cannot do it myself… so please help if… if you are sure you do not mind. It is less than… pleasant after all, but… but know this, I will never be angry with you. You are not who put me here, Haldir,” he said softly.
Relieved, Haldir tucked Faramir’s hair behind his ear and nodded. “Your time here will not be pleasant,” he said softly as he moved down the bed and gently rubbed pale, bruised thighs that were lying just slightly apart, but not trying to move them just yet. “But you are strong. I can see it in your eyes. Just remember they can make you think you are angry with me, make you want to hurt me, and most of all; take pleasure in making you hurt me. They will do the same for me, but always know that no matter what happens, I understand and will always take care of you afterward.” As he spoke, he crossed the room to dip the washcloth in warmer water again, rinsed the blood out, and moved to the end of the bed. “I know it will hurt, but I need to see what they did to you.”
Over the years, he’d given this speech to many of his ‘companions.’ Some left – or died – as his friends, some hating him, some wishing him dead. Already he was hoping beyond reason that Faramir would leave whole and intact, as one of the few friends he could at least remember sharing a few smiles with now and then.
Faramir wasn’t quite sure he understood what Haldir was saying about making him do things but he knew that Saruman was a powerful wizard and it was likely true that he could make him do most anything. When Haldir returned to the bed with the washcloth, Faramir cringed a little. I don’t want to see what they did to me. He carefully spread his legs apart, just that action causing pain to ricochet throughout his body and he whimpered but bit his lip against crying out yet. Even the cooling air of the room seemed to be too much pressure against his body and he wanted more than anything to just curl up into a ball and be left alone. He curled his fingers into the sheets, only now noticing the pain of even that, nails ragged and torn as he’d scrabbled against the table earlier. “I am ready… … at least… I think so,” he offered softly. He watched as time seemed to still and Haldir began to lean over him and closed his eyes, not wanting to see revulsion or even compassion on the Elf’s face. He just wanted to hide from the world and the only way he could do that now was behind his eyelids.
Haldir cursed under his breath when he saw the damage. The ring they’d used was much heavier than the one they normally used on Men. Faramir must have put up quite the fight. Even the submission ring that was wrapped snugly around the swollen genitals looked tighter than normal. Elsewhere… Gods, how he hated Saruman and all the guards and most particularly Dorvane! Judging from the amount of blood and semen, they had used Faramir so cruelly it was a wonder that he was still conscious. He was fairly certain that the torn and irritated skin couldn’t even stand the touch of the cloth in his hand just yet, so Haldir stood, brought the now warm pot of water to the nightstand and dipped the washcloth in again. Rather than wring it out, however, he simply let the water drip over Faramir’s piercing, over his abused genitals and over the raw skin of his entrance, gritting his teeth as he did so, knowing that even this would be exquisitely painful. “Forgive me, Faramir,” he murmured. “The worst will be over soon.”
The first sharp sting of the herb laced water made Faramir gasp and give a yelp of pain. Gods it already hurt but now it felt as if he were on fire. He squirmed on the bed and whimpered, as the pain seemed to increase as more water hit his abused flesh that was throbbing with pain. Tears leaked out from under his eyelids as he tried desperately not to dissolve into a childish mass of them but it was to no avail. Once the tears had begun they didn’t seem to want to stop. He was trembling as Haldir continued to pour the water over him, the bedding beneath him becoming more soaked in the process as he lay in his own blood and now water as well. It was humiliating as much as it was painful but he could only take solace in the fact that Haldir too had endured much of the same treatment and so had others apparently. This would not kill him but Gods… there were moments when it felt as if it was going to.
Torn between wanting to just wrap his arms around Faramir and hurry and get the cleansing and treatment over with, Haldir caught his bottom lip between his teeth and tried to swallow his emotions, thankful that the last of the blood was finally gone. When he looked up and saw the hopeless tears streaming down Faramir’s face, however, he put the cloth aside, and gently slid his arms beneath Faramir’s shoulders and knees. He turned on the bed, settling the sobbing young man in his lap, thankful that at least this time, they hadn’t beaten him, so he could at least stand to be held. “Wrap your arms around my neck,” he whispered, rocking Faramir in his arms as he reached for the ointment, dipped his fingers in and gently but firmly kept long legs apart. “Hold on to me, and this will be over before you know it, I promise.”
Faramir didn’t startle when Haldir wrapped his arms around him, but he felt worthless and ashamed that he was crying like he was, though he couldn’t seem to stop. Surprised that Haldir wanted to hold someone so filthy he obeyed easily, his arms wrapped weakly around the Elf’s neck and he rested his tear stained face against his chest. “I am acting like a child,” he hiccupped the words through his tears and winced because it made his body ache even worse. At first he’d tried to close his legs but Haldir hadn’t allowed it and he was too weak to struggle. He rested against him, clinging to the Elf as he tended him with a thick salve. Faramir cringed away from him several times but being in his lap this way he couldn’t pull away completely and had to simply endure the treatment. He knew the herbs would take some of the sting away at least but not nearly enough of it.
“No, you are not,” Haldir said softly. “I was one of the most fierce of warriors – a Marchwarden in Lothlórien before I was taken. They used me for 2 days, pierced me, raped me, taught me all about the submission ring. And then they threw me in this room. There was an Elf here, a beautiful Woodland Elf name Eranon, who tended my injuries and held me while I cried, much as you are allowing me to do right now.” His fingers dipped back into the jar and he hesitated. “Breathe deeply Faramir. The worst part is this – the piercing and the skin that was torn when they forced their way inside.” Slowly, his hand shaking despite the fact that he had done this many times before to other prisoners, Haldir’s salve-slicked fingers ran lightly over Faramir’s entrance as he continued to encourage him to relax as much as possible, to hold on to him tightly and above all, to just concentrate on his breathing.
Haldir’s words did help a little, knowing that he wasn’t making a fool of himself though he hated the thought of this kind Elf having gone through the same as he was now. It was monstrous but nothing could be done now. He trembled when he spoke of what had been done to him and he yelped, and then cried out, a pitiful thin sound because his throat was so raw. His vision dimmed at one point when Haldir’s fingers brushed close to the piercing and he felt his stomach turn violently tasting bile. “Please… I cannot take much more…” he whispered weakly, his body wracked with pain each time the wounds throbbed in time with his overly rapid heartbeat.
“Almost done,” Haldir promised, still rocking Faramir in his embrace. As gently as he could, he applied the salve liberally to the swollen skin around the golden ring that pierced Faramir just below his testicles. “They are not careful, and the rings are not always cleaned first. The healing spell Saruman has over this dwelling will help even an infection the next time you leave, but until then…” He shuddered as he remembered one Man in particular who would not treat his own piercing and would not allow Haldir to touch him. He died before the guards’ return only a few days later, wracked with pain and fever, the infection having spread through his entire body. “I need to lift the ring up just a bit so the salve will soak in, then we will almost be finished. I promise, you can rest then.”
Faramir bit his lip and nodded, knowing it had to be done but also knowing it was going to be horrifically painful. He took several deep breaths and then looked up at Haldir as he steeled himself for the pain. “All right, I… I am as ready as I will ever be,” he whispered. When Haldir touched the piercing, Faramir screamed, he had thought that he could keep himself from it but the cry was out before he could even stop it. Gods, it hurt! The pain lanced throughout his sex it seemed and almost seemed amplified by the snug fitting ring around his flesh. Before he could breathe the darkness came rushing in, he couldn’t have fought against it if he’d tried and he fainted in Haldir’s arms, his body going completely limp and for the moment, pain couldn’t touch Faramir at least.
With one arm, Haldir held Faramir tighter as he screamed, almost thankful when he fainted so he wouldn’t have to endure the pain any longer… at least for now. He’d tended to other prisoners, and he’d always felt compassion and heartbreak toward them, but with Faramir, those feelings were intensified tenfold. Despite his unconsciousness, Haldir continued to rock and whisper to him, finally dipping his fingers into the salve one last time and gently pushing it inside his abused opening. When he was finished, he wrapped Faramir up in an extra blanket and laid him carefully in front of the fire, then stripped and remade the bed with fresh sheets. Saruman had anticipated the blood and had put a shield on the mattress so none of the blood would soak in. While he liked to be the reason for his prisoner’s pain and loss of blood, it sickened him to see the blood there before he got to them. Moments later, Haldir had remade the bed and was sliding Faramir beneath the covers. “You will feel a bit better when you open your eyes,” he promised. “At least, I hope so. They are far too beautiful to be filled with such pain.”
The unconsciousness was a blessing for Faramir. He didn’t feel what else Haldir had to do and would be eternally grateful for that. He’d been warned that he would not be allowed to pass out during their ‘activities’ when he was with Saruman and then his new master Dorvane. He’d almost fainted a number of times but something, some magic held him from it even when the pain was unbearable. But here at least he was no longer their entertainment and so he was allowed this one escape. For in his mind it was an escape. He was away from this place and back in his home, amongst his friends and family and no hint of darkness surrounded their lives. The war was over in his dreams… they were at peace. He took solace in that until finally he woke up again. His body aching but not so badly as before, he felt uncomfortable and he could feel he thick salve on his skin but at least it was not burning any longer. “How…” he cleared his throat and tried again, “How long have I been asleep?”
Haldir finished ladling out the soup he’d made earlier and set the bowl on a tray. “Only a few hours,” he said softly as he brought the tray over and sat it on the nightstand. “The tea is still warm, and we have soup and bread for dinner I had heating over the fire while you were resting.” He held up his hand before Faramir could move and shook his head. “You may do what you like, of course, but I would recommend that you stay as still as you can and let me help you sit up just enough to eat. You should move as little as possible until you have at least healed a bit.”
Faramir had started to try to sit up but Haldir stopped him with his words and the look on his face that seemed to speak of experience with such things. “All right… I am unaccustomed to people taking care of me like this,” he admitted. It had been years since anyone had to help him sit up or cook a meal for him. Of course within the citadel there were servants but Faramir did not spend much time there in the last years because he preferred the woods and caves. “You said you are a Marchwarden… I myself am a ranger… so it is strange being… taken care of for me, though as horrible as I feel I am very grateful,” he said softly.
“I know,” Haldir agreed as he slipped his arms beneath Faramir and with almost no effort at all slid him up in bed. Faramir didn’t have to move at all, and he’d been positioned a bit to one side, so no pressure would be placed on his injuries or that damnable piercing. “I felt the same way for a long time with Eranon. He had been here for over fifteen years when I arrived, and I quickly learned that as long as we shared this… prison, we would have to come to terms with the fact that we all have our limits. It is difficult to keep yourself cleaned and whole when you are alone here, and if Dorvane or Saruman were to find you in any other state… let’s just say what you experienced today would be welcomed over what your punishment would be under those circumstances.”
Faramir only winced a little when Haldir set him upright and he frowned. “Fifteen years? Then… that means that this place has existed longer than… Gods, Saruman has been playing everyone in Middle Earth for fools for years,” Faramir said angrily. He could remember a time when the wizard had acted as their ally and now… now to know he’d been doing this perhaps all along… he felt even more violated. “I never thought I would know what it was to hate someone so much, you know? I always thought that even the worst sort of criminal could have some redeeming quality… until now,” Faramir said softly as Haldir arranged everything next to the bed and sat down.
“Aye,” Haldir sighed as his settled down on the bed and sipped his own soup. “He is cold and cruel, finding the one thing that means most to us all, and using it against us. I remember when he used to be Saruman the White. He was good then, a trusted friend to everyone, including the firstborn, but now… now I wish him dead every time I see him. I wonder how the Valar can let his happen, but at the same time, I tell myself that ultimately, they have a plan in mind to pay him back… though even they could never erase all the harm he has done to so many over the last years.”
Faramir picked up his soup and nodded before he took a sip of it. It was true, Saruman used his brother against him when he was ‘initiated’ promising this same fate on him if he did not cooperate as he wanted him to. At first he had thought his brother to be far too strong and smart for the wizard to capture him but then thought that maybe just maybe Boromir would search for him. And somehow he’d be rescued? It was not likely but at least it could give him a small amount of hope and in the meantime he would continue to try to work out how to escape. “Has… has anyone ever managed to get away?”
“Two, in the time I have been here.” Haldir stirred his soup thoughtfully for a moment, knowing that Saruman didn’t require most of the humans to sign a contract, so escape might just be possible for Faramir. “It was not easy, and both times, Elves were involved, calling on their natural link with nature to send for help. Each time, however, Saruman strengthened his spells and when most walk by this house, they see nothing but forest. Of the two that escaped, one was a Man, who was killed by orcs about a league from here, and the other was an Elf who… was captured and died a few weeks later. “ He refrained from saying that the Elf faded. Eranon had thought he could save his lover back in Mirkwood, had thought he could get to him before Saruman, had thought their love was stronger than the old wizard’s magic. He was wrong. Eranon reached Mirkwood just as his lover lay dying, having been tortured to death in their own talan in the days since Eranon’s escape, the magic of the contract called into action the moment he had left Dorvane’s farm. With Mirran’s death, there was nothing to hold Eranon to this world, not even his desire to help Haldir, and he was gone before the next new moon. There was no need to tell Faramir that, however, Haldir thought, though his eyes misted over at the memory, and he quickly changed the subject. “Are you feeling any better?”
Faramir mulled the words over in his mind. Not good odds at all. He looked up just as Haldir’s eyes seemed to cloud with the memories and felt sad for him. The Elf had obviously been his friend. “A little better I suppose,” he said wanting to ask more questions but he could tell Haldir didn’t wish to speak of it any longer. It was a slim hope anyway. “The soup is good,” he said trying to think of something that would take Haldir’s mind back from where it had gone with the memories. “I still keep hoping this is all a nightmare I’ll wake up from soon though.”
“I have wished that every day and night for eight years now, and I have never woken up,” the Elf sighed. He finished his soup quickly, then stood up and stretched. “As I said, we are provided with a few books. When you finish, we could relax and read for a while if you feel up to it. I… unfortunately, they will come for me in the morning, so I need to rest and gather my strength while I can.”
“My you have a way of giving one hope,” Faramir teased just a little and smiled slightly despite the situation. After Haldir stood and spoke again of them coming for him in the morning, Faramir frowned deeply. “I hope you know that I will take care of you as best I can when you have need of it, just as you have done for me,” Faramir said seriously. “Here, there is room on the bed, come join me.” His body still hurt greatly but so long as he didn’t move too much he was fine. It was only when he moved or involuntarily twitched from muscle aches that he was reminded just how much pain was just under the surface.
Haldir put their dishes away, then selected two books and removed his boots. “Saruman only allows us one bed so we do not balk so much at being… intimate when he or Dorvane demands it.” He carefully eased Faramir back beneath the covers and told himself that just because Faramir was the most beautiful man he’d ever shared this prison with didn’t mean he was going to be amenable to allowing Haldir to crawl naked into bed beside him. “He…” His face paled as he continued and he fumbled with the lacings of his tunic. “He likes for a … friendship to form, so he can use that against us when he is angry – which is also part of the reason we are forced to take care of one another. You should know that by taking care of me when I return, he will have planted the first seeds of intimacy, so, despite what I said earlier, you are not bound to care for me in any way when they finish with me.”
Faramir shook his head as he watched Haldir. “That is not true, I am bound by my honor, Haldir. No matter what they do to us here, we are still the same people we have always been. I have to believe that, perhaps after eight years I will not feel the same but for now… I am the same person who longs for peace and longs for happiness. Perhaps it will not be gained here in this place… but hope and who we are deep down is all we can hold onto,” Faramir said softly. “He can take everything from us, perhaps even our sanity, but I have to believe there is always hope.”
Smiling and falling a bit deeper under Faramir’s spell, Haldir nodded again. “No, they will not break you,” he said almost to himself. “Thank the gods, they will not break you.” He gestured toward his tunic and shrugged one shoulder. “Do you mind if I take this off? I know a naked body is the last thing you want to see right now, but I hate sleeping in clothes… I get tangled up when I have… nightmares… a restless night’s sleep. I will leave the breeches on of course.”
Faramir nodded as Haldir asked about removing his tunic. “I do not mind… I did not actually see the naked bodies before anyway and even if I had… I am sure I would never equate yours with them. You are very… very beautiful in fact; I hope you do not mind my saying that. If… well… if we are going to be forced to be intimate with one another for their pleasure at least… I am a very lucky man that I will likely not have to fake being attracted to you,” he said softly. His face was flaming with the admission but Gods it wasn’t as if he could stand on ceremony or manners now in a place like this.
Haldir hid his relief behind his tunic as he pulled it over his head, feeling his long golden hair fall down in disarray around him. “Faramir, I can honestly say that you are, without a doubt, the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and I will not have to fake attraction either. In another time and place, I would have taken one look at you and asked to court you – I would have brought you roses and chocolates and escorted you to breakfast every morning and to dinner every night.” He reached over and let his fingertips gently run over Faramir’s face. “As it is, however, I can promise you that should you ever need comfort or pleasure that has nothing to do with… with what they do to us, I would be more than happy to give you both here in our bed when we are able.”
Faramir felt himself blushing even deeper when Haldir spoke and he smiled as Haldir crawled into the bed next to him. “And my answer would have been yes,” Faramir said softly. It was depressing to think of what might have been though, so Faramir forced the thoughts away and painfully slid down in the bed, careful to keep just to his side to keep from laying back and allowing the piercing to touch the sheets. Though the sheets were soft, he knew it was far too tender. “Goodnight Haldir… I would wish you sweet dreams but I doubt that it will help in this place,” he whispered honestly.
“Good night, Faramir.” Laying back and closing his eyes, Haldir, for the first time since his capture, didn’t start daydreaming at once about his brothers. Instead, for the next half hour, he thought of the fire in Faramir’s eyes and steel in his voice as he spoke of honor, of the ring now embedded in his body that proved he was a fighter, even under the direst of circumstances. He was dozing off when he suddenly realized that he’d forgotten to wish Rúmil and Orophin a good night as well, as he did every night. The ache in his heart for his brothers was still there, but maybe slightly less painful than normal as he listened to Faramir’s soft breaths as he drifted deeper into sleep.
Chapter 2
Faramir had slept somewhat well despite what had happened the day before. Perhaps it was another of Saruman’s spells or maybe it was the fact he had Haldir lying beside him? Whatever the reason the few times he’d awoken in the night, uncomfortable and frightened, he simply moved closer to the Elf beside him and somehow felt safer. Though he knew deep down he’d never be safe from the guards or Dorvane or Saruman but at least he felt it when he was near Haldir.
When morning came, he was still sore and uncomfortable, his lower half burning and aching just lying still and moving felt as if he was being ripped in half, but he gritted his teeth and just tried to bear it. Haldir was wonderful though, helped him, brought him warm water to wash his face, brought breakfast and checked his wounds again. They sat together talking, and Faramir worried every time he heard a sound outside, knowing that Haldir had said they would come for him today.
“I keep worrying about today, I cannot help it. I do not want them to take you and do things to you… I cannot even imagine what they do here that could possibly be worse than what they did yesterday to me… but you have said that they do worse things… Gods, Haldir I admit… I am afraid,” Faramir said after they’d been speaking for a while.
Haldir’s head tilted to the side a bit and he simply gazed at Faramir for a moment in silence. Always before, the other prisoners were afraid for themselves mostly, never for him. He hadn’t faulted them for it, but he was touched by Faramir’s compassion in the face of such pain and frustration at their situation. “You mustn’t worry about me,” he said softly, taking the young man’s hand in his own. “I heal quickly, and have learned to close off a part of my mind when the pain gets too unbearable. Besides, I have known nothing else for these past years, so I suppose one could say I am almost used to the pain, so it is nothing new.”
“I cannot imagine anyone could grow used to that,” Faramir said softly as he squeezed Haldir’s hand. “And I do worry… I… I like you, Haldir and I do not like the idea of you being hurt. Not that I like the idea of my being hurt either but you get my meaning I am sure… neither of us should be here. We did nothing to deserve this and particularly the waiting and not knowing what is to come. But trust me, I will take care of you when you return, just as you took care of me.” He was serious with his promise though he could barely even sit up without help; he was determined to care for Haldir when the time came.
“No, we did nothing to deserve this,” Haldir agreed softly, wondering what would have happened if he had met Faramir years ago, under different circumstances. He was fairly certain he would have pursued the young man in every manner possible. “You know, I like you too, Faramir. I think you are lovely and brave, and I hate thinking of their filthy hands touching you…” He stopped, turned his head to the side and listened, keen Elven ears picking up sounds from the far end of the hallway. “They will be here in a moment, and will most likely keep me all day. Please try and rest while I am gone, and try not worry about anything else. I have extra healing potion already made up, and extra ointment, so you shouldn’t have to move at all, even when they bring me back.” With that, he pressed a kiss to the back of Faramir’s hand and closed his eyes, waiting for the sound of the door to open.
Faramir’s hand tightened even more around Haldir’s when he said that the guards would be there soon. He hated this and wished there was something he could do but of course there was nothing, other than be there for him when he returned. “I hate thinking of them touching you either,” Faramir whispered and felt his heart leap into his throat as the door was kicked open. He stared wide-eyed at the guards and their master Dorvane behind them, his hand still firmly clasped with Haldir’s.
Slowly, Haldir opened his eyes and regarded the guards with as much disdain as he dared. Always in the back of his mind, he was protecting his brothers, but it simply was not in him to give in to anything quietly. “Do not worry about me, dear one,” he said softly enough so that the guards couldn’t hear him. “I will be back soon enough and we will continue our conversations and our books.”
Haldir looked over the guards’ heads at his ‘master’ Dorvane. He was tall and muscular, with dark eyes and long, jet-black hair he usually kept pulled back with a thick leather band. He always wore black – black pants, a black shirt, and wide black leather bands that reached from just above his wrists to halfway up his forearms, laced together with a thin leather rope. Had he not had such an evil gleam in his eyes or such a cruel streak running through him, Haldir had always thought Dorvane would be handsome. Their eyes met and Dorvane smiled tightly, relishing the idea of what was to come.
The guards sneered at the Elf and man and waited in the doorway. “Get up, both of you, the master wants you both today.” Faramir startled a little when they said they wanted them both. Both of them? Gods he wasn’t even healed yet. He cringed as he tried to set up more and gasped as the piercing stung and sent pain throughout his lower half. His eyes were pleading as he looked up at the guards, feeling ashamed and angry that he couldn’t even sit up easily.
“Come on, we haven’t got all day!” The guards barked.
Haldir glared at the guards and cursed under his breath as he slid from the bed. He put one hand on Faramir’s shoulder to keep him from moving and then leaned over to scoop him up in his arms. Normally, they liked to keep to their own schedule before making two prisoners have sex… or do terrible things to one another, but again, he remembered the ring between Faramir’s legs. If he’d put up a fight, he would certainly pay for that now. “You’ll start to feel better once we get out the door,” he promised, holding Faramir gently against him, and though he knew there was no need, spreading a blanket over is lower half. “The spell Saruman put over the house… remember? It will heal you quickly, one we pass its barriers.”
Faramir whimpered slightly as Haldir lifted him, not wanting the guards and Dorvane to be satisfied with hearing him in pain more than they already had. He looked apologetically at Haldir, thinking that perhaps he had only made things worse for the Elf because of his own fighting the day before. He nodded, gritting his teeth against the pain as Haldir spoke and true enough as they passed over the threshold Faramir felt his pain begin to ebb away.
“Just remember, whatever they do, if the pain gets to be too much, just let your mind focus on something pleasant,” the Elf whispered.
They reached the ‘play room’ and Haldir was surprised to find only 4 guards plus Dorvane followed him inside. Usually there were more… many more. He carefully sat Faramir down on his own two feet, though he kept both arms around him and looked suspiciously at Dorvane.
“You looked pleased with yourself Dorvane,” he said with barely concealed anger. “Even you normally give a new prisoner time to heal. You know Saruman’s spells aren’t the strongest for healing.”
Faramir’s legs felt watery but he was able to stand on them. His pain was not gone completely but it was tolerable now, an ache and soreness, burning a bit but not at all like before. He looked up when Haldir spoke to Dorvane, unsure if the Elf should antagonize him like that.
“I am always pleased with myself,” Dorvane answered flippantly. “Seems this one did not show proper respect when he was captured yesterday. Today, he will be taught to show respect as will you… you have become far too sure of yourself Elf, questioning me. You have no will of your own or have you not figured that out yet after eight years?” He looked away and flicked his hand toward the guards. “Tie them up to the rack… face to face, I want them to see each other’s pain.”
Haldir pressed Faramir protectively against him for a moment, but he knew there was little he could do. He and Faramir were led to a pedestal, then their arms were shackled and raised about their heads. With the turn of a crank, they were both lifted so that their feet barely hit the floor, their chests and thighs resting flush against each other. The pants he’d slept in the night before for Faramir’s sake were ripped from his body and he wondered what they’d be using this time – a switch? Crop? Belt? Or Valar forbid, that damnable cane? Haldir hated them all, but honestly wasn’t sure Faramir was ready for the most painful ones, especially since he was not fully healed. He ignored Dorvane’s taunting and focused on Faramir. “Keep your body relaxed, and it will not hurt as much, and remember, try to stay focused on anything but the pain.”
Faramir tried not to tremble as he was shackled and his body lifted. He faced Haldir and simply stared into his eyes trying to think of anything besides what was about to happen. They were going to whip him for fighting back yesterday? That made more sense if they had done it yesterday not waited an entire day for it. His mouth had gone dry and he barely managed to nod his head as Haldir offered advice. How one could focus on anything but the pain was a mystery to him but he wrapped his fingers around the chain to his cuffs, hoping to take some pressure off his wrists. “I am sorry if I caused them to do this to you.”
“You never have to be sorry to me,” Haldir whispered, resting his forehead against Faramir’s. “Especially never be sorry for fighting.” He heard the guards fumbling in one of the drawers at the far side of the room and saw him move toward them, two large anal plugs in his hand. “They are going to fill us first, then punish us. Get ready…” He well remembered the first few times they had filled his backside, never with any warning, and usually with very little preparation. Some of the guards were kinder than the others, and he noticed as one plugs was handed off to a second guard, the kinder of the two moved behind him. With one stretch of his legs, he turned both himself and Faramir, so at least Faramir would be shown a bit of mercy, and would possibly be prepared a bit. The guard looked up in surprise, but there was a bit of respect in his eyes as he met Haldir’s gaze. With a shrug, he ordered the guard that was now behind Haldir to begin.
Faramir trembled a little as Haldir said they were going to be ‘filled’. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, trying to steel himself for the pain he knew was to come. He wasn’t healed yet, the spell had helped but he still ached and was very tender, this was going to be extremely unpleasant. He shouldn’t have fought so hard and now Haldir was going to be punished for what he did before he even met him! He felt fingers on his backside and startled, though he had no traction on his toes as he was and merely swung his body just a little toward Haldir’s as he tried to remember to relax. He couldn’t though, how could one relax in a situation like this? He whimpered and bit his lips as fingers dug into his flesh and something wet and slick was forced inside him, though they at least did it slowly.
Haldir winced as Faramir’s handsome but still bruised face tightened with pain. His own body was as relaxed as he could make it, but the guard behind him was showing no mercy, and as the large plug was inserted quickly and mercilessly, he bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out. He had learned to tune out the pain a bit in his years here, but even more so now, when it was all too apparent that Faramir, this fair, compassionate young man the likes of which he’d never known before was in a great deal of pain. “Look at me,” he whispered. “Just breathe slowly, and the pain will lessen in a few moments, I swear.” Their hands, locked in shackles above them were close, and the Elf strained to let their fingertips touch. Even though practically every other part of them was touching as they hung in mid air, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, groin to groin, he somehow felt he could give the most strength by letting their hands touch in the sweetest and most innocent of gestures.
Faramir opened his eyes and looked into Haldir’s, knowing his own were wide with fear and pain. He felt the Elf’s fingertips brush his own and stopped trying to hang onto the chains, instead he let his own fingers press against Haldir’s and slip between his fingers as he hung from the shackles around his wrists. He was terrified and in pain, but Haldir’s words and his touch helped take away some of both. He trembled as the guard pushed the thing deeper inside him and felt his backside burning inside the sensitive passage not nearly healed from the abuse the day before.
The look in Faramir’s eyes broke Haldir’s heart. He swallowed back his hatred of the guards and Saruman and Dorvane and of their circumstances in general and concentrated on the man before him. “They cannot break you, Faramir,” he murmured. “Remember that. I will not let them, I promise.” With that, he leaned forward as much as he could, allowing Faramir’s head to rest against his shoulder as his arms moved forward, protecting the young man as much as he could. He gritted his teeth as the first lash cut across his backside, causing a deep red welt to form at once, even as he was hoping he could manage to take the brunt of this ordeal. He would have to tread carefully, he knew, to make them angry enough at him to not hurt Faramir as badly. His head lifted up, and he looked over his shoulder to meet Dorvane’s – the only one with the whip at the moment – gaze. “Is that all?” he managed, already anticipating – and receiving – the next fiery pain of the belt over the back of his thighs.
Faramir yelped as if he’d been the one struck when he heard the belt smack loudly in the room against Haldir’s backside. He couldn’t see, his face was against Haldir’s neck now and the Elf’s golden hair blocked his vision but he knew what he heard. He flinched when Haldir goaded Dorvane. “Stop that… he’ll only hurt you worse,” he whispered against his ear but too late the belt struck again and Faramir’s body weaved with Haldir’s. Hatred grew tenfold in his heart and mind for Dorvane and Saruman for what they were doing to them. The next moment though he felt their bodies turning, Dorvane was lazy and didn’t wish to move so he had the guards turn the pair until Faramir’s backside faced him. When the belt slapped against still tender skin Faramir gritted his teeth and shook unable to completely bite back his cry of pain.
Haldir exhaled as Faramir cried out softly and leaned his head forward, without thinking, to nuzzle against the young man’s neck. “Free your mind, Faramir,” he murmured softly. “They cannot touch what is in there.” His lips were warm against the soft, damp skin on the side of Faramir’s neck, and the Elf began to suck gently, letting his hair hide what he was doing. “Relax and they cannot win… they stand no chance.” As he spoke, the belt was brought down again hard on Faramir’s backside, and Haldir responded by kissing the young Ranger’s jaw and tightening their fingers together a bit more. Faramir was still tense, and Haldir fully intended on goading Dorvane again, but right then, in that moment, he sought to only offer comfort. From Dorvane’s perspective below them, it would look only as if Haldir’s head was resting against Faramir’s shoulder… or so he hoped. Dorvane was enveloped in a shadow against the wall, almost as if he were hiding something, so Haldir couldn’t be certain exactly what he would or wouldn’t see.
Faramir was slightly startled when he felt soft lips against his neck, Haldir nuzzling against him, kissing and sucking. He trembled again, his body overwhelmed with pain but now another sensation trying to take his mind off the burning of his tender flesh. His heart skipped as Haldir spoke encouraging words to him and he tried to will his body to relax. At just that moment the belt fell against him again, a deep red welt forming in its wake and he did cry out but this time at least a little bit of his mind had been focused elsewhere; on Haldir alone and not the fear of the man behind him. His fingers tightened with Haldir’s and he closed his eyes against the sweetness of the kiss against his jaw. The next blow came directly over his backside, bumping the thing inside him and as it did it nudged that spot inside him causing his until now lax sex to twitch. Gods, he didn’t want to become aroused from this! Frightened and embarrassed he began to struggle but of course it was to no avail.
Knowing at once what had happened, Haldir looked over Faramir’ shoulder and forced a harsh laugh from his lips. “See, Faramir, he is afraid of me. He gives you the brunt of the punishment, trying to get on my good side.” That was all it took, and without warning other than the flash of fire in Dorvane’s eyes, they were whirled around again and five quick, hard lashes were laid across Haldir’s backside. Dorvane’s anger had been peaked, however, and he was intent to humiliate the Elf in front of everyone. Grabbing the base of the plug that could just be seen buried in Haldir’s entrance, Dorvane gave it a vicious twist and then stepped away when Haldir, despite himself, moaned softly.
Dorvane reach down to twist the stone of the ring on his finger. The ring was designed to match the submission ring around Haldir’s sex perfectly. Haldir could only grit his teeth as the ring sent shooting pains through his entire body, and finally cried out when another five blows were laid across his backside. By the third blow, however, he had withdrawn into himself, focused only on the fearful and compassionate blue eyes before him, and relaxed in his bonds. “They cannot break us,” he repeated softly, so no one but Faramir could hear.
Faramir’s eyes flew wide when Haldir spoke and he cringed as they were spun, knowing that Dorvane was about to take his anger out on Haldir for speaking to him that way. Faramir was shaking and buried his face against Haldir’s neck, trying to offer him comfort but knowing there was nothing he could do. “Stop this… do not goad him, Haldir, please,” he begged against the Elf’s neck, soft words none could hear but themselves. When Haldir’s words ‘they cannot break us’ were uttered so softly, Faramir felt tears run down his face. “Please… do not antagonize him again,” he whispered, his heart breaking from the sound of Haldir’s cry’s still echoing in Faramir’s mind. Your fault. You are the one causing his pain, they wouldn’t have you both here now if you hadn’t fought so hard yesterday. This is your fault. They might even have gone easy on him alone knowing they had another to play with but no, you had to fight!
The movement of the plug inside him as each blow rained down on its base was, to Haldir’s shame, making him hard as well. He could only hope that Faramir, who seemed to be in much the same state, wouldn’t blame himself for this. As he felt warm tears against his cheek, he pulled away only a little, his body swaying as another blow landed across his shoulders. Even as they were spun around again, he leaned forward and kissed each tear away, letting his lips linger on soft, sweet skin. He shouldn’t be doing this, but the guards only jeered at them, and, if nothing else, it kept Dorvane occupied enough so that he might not think to use the submission ring on Faramir as well. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “Think of something… anything… other than what’s happening.”
Faramir was surprised when Haldir kissed him, his lips feeling cool and soft against his face. He frowned and shook his head. “I cannot… how can I think of anything else?” he was ashamed that the words were almost a childish whimper but it was true. They were turned again and the belt slapped against his skin, the blow startling him because he had not been tensed for it, his eyes were so intent on Haldir’s. Why was the Elf forgiving him? Why didn’t he hate him for causing him this pain? He yelped when the belt slapped against him again, the searing pain of it almost overridden by his confusion and he wanted to be sick from the fact that he was growing more aroused each time the belt came into contact with the plug inside him.
Haldir searched Faramir’s eyes for a moment, remembering their admitted mutual attraction for one another. “You can think of this,” he whispered, bringing his lips gently down over Faramir’s in a soft, undemanding kiss as his hair fanned out to cover their faces. His tongue licked at Faramir’s teeth, requesting entrance, and his arms moved again to try and swing them back around. He succeeded only halfway, though now they were both on the receiving end of the belt as it hit Haldir’s hip, then wrapped around to Faramir’s. It burned like fire across his skin, but the Elf concentrated on staying relaxed and deepened their kiss, hoping Faramir wouldn’t bite the tip of his tongue off if the pain was too sudden or unexpected.
Faramir was caught by Haldir’s gaze for a moment, unsure what the Elf was thinking and then suddenly he was being kissed. The warmth from his kiss seemed to spiral through him suddenly, his heart clenching in his chest as the kiss deepened and he yielded to the Elf. He felt their bodies moving; swinging around again, heard the belt fly through the air even as he gave in to the kiss, his arousal growing even more from it. Just as the belt smacked against skin he relaxed his body as Haldir had told him to, and barely flinched this time as his whimper was caught in Haldir’s mouth. He had no idea what Dorvane could see, was unsure if Haldir’s hair shielded what they were doing but there was no doubt that they had not cried out from the blow.
Dorvane could actually see very little of what was going on. His prisoners were up on the pedestal, and lifted above that, and that damnable Elf made sure his hair covered their faces most of the time. He would remedy that next time, but for now, he was exhausted. His arms ached badly, he was covered in sweat, and he was even too tired to take his pleasure from either the man or the Elf. He laid a few more half-hearted blows to the backside of both, then ordered his men to leave, all except one. “Give them ten more blows each and then cut them down,” he snarled before stalking out of the room.
Haldir’s head was spinning from the kiss, and he too, barely moved as the last of Dorvane’s lashes cut into his skin. There was a lull in the blows, so he pulled away long enough to breathe, then resumed their kiss, mindless of whether or not the punishment was at an end. He felt a few more blows that weren’t quite as harsh as Dorvane’s, but they barely registered, he was so completely lost in the sweetest kiss he’d ever known.
Faramir was light headed from the deep kiss and just as Haldir had told him if he relaxed his body and thought of something else the pain did not register quite so badly. Yes, the blows hurt, but the pain was overridden by his newfound desire for Haldir and the need to continue to kiss him. He wasn’t sure if it was need and desire solely because of the situation, or even because of despite being abused so he was aroused which he never thought he would be… maybe it was all of it. Haldir was beautiful, his kisses tasted like the sweetest honey and what he wanted right now was his arms free so he could hold the Elf. He wanted to bury his fingers in soft golden hair and kiss him forever it seemed.
He heard the creak of the door, heard the belt swing through the air again and again, some blows landing against his back and rear, the tops of his thighs, some landing he knew on Haldir but he continued to kiss him. Sucking on the Elf’s tongue, giving of himself and taking all that Haldir offered him until he was so dizzy he had to finally pull away. The pain seemed to flare for an instant as he did and he moaned softly and gritted his teeth.
The guard, who had looked forward to taking one or both of his prisoners, lowered them both to the ground in disgust. Dorvane hadn’t said he could take either of them, and if he were to come back and realize he was stuck with seconds… heads would roll. Cursing both the Man and Elf as he unhooked the cuffs from their wrists, he noticed the Elf, who was already bloody and weak himself, carefully wrapped his arms around the man and gently lowered them both to the ground. “I’ll be back for you two later,” the guard growled, deciding to head down to the east end of the hall were he could do what he wanted with the silent, broken prisoners that Dorvane never even bothered to look in on.
He was gone a moment later, leaving his bruised and bleeding prisoners alone in the room.
Chapter 3
Faramir felt relief wash through him as they were lowered, though his legs gave as soon as his weight was on them. He almost cried out but then arms were around him, Haldir’s arms and they lowered slowly to the floor. He didn’t pay attention to the guard simply continued to stare at Haldir. “Why did you do that?” he asked after a moment. “Goad him… and… and… why did you kiss me?”
Haldir ignored the first question and pulled Faramir against him so that his bleeding body wouldn’t be on the cold and rather dirty floor. “I wanted to kiss you,” he said softly, biting back the pain as he tried to find a position that allowed them both to be as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. “I am sorry if you objected… I just… I wanted to distract you, but more that that, I couldn’t help myself. For a while there, all I saw and felt were your lips, and I somehow hoped I could make you feel the same way and ease your pain.”
Faramir whimpered as they shifted on the floor, both of them trying to find the most comfortable position, though it seemed almost impossible. His body ached everywhere and unbelievably he as still aroused because the guards had not removed that thing from inside him. Each time he moved just the right way it both disgusted and aroused him at the same time. He focused on Haldir’s words though. “I am not saying I object I just… I was surprised and a little confused. I am glad to know you wanted to kiss me and it was not just to… just to distract me. I… enjoyed it and even for a moment forgot where we were,” he whispered. His arms were free now but they ached so much he couldn’t lift them to sink into Haldir’s hair as he’d dreamed.
“The next time,” Haldir said, wincing as one of the sorer parts of his backside was ground against the floor, “if I am not with you, think of that kiss, then, and know that it helped me as much as it helped you.” He looked around the room, still cradling Faramir against him, and had the grace to look embarrassed. “Usually, after something like this, they… they will take us. I think we may escape that fate today, but…” He nodded down between them, where both their sexes lay full and hard, almost, but not quite touching. “I… do you need… I mean…” He had never been this unsure of himself with his other “companions”, but then again, neither had he felt this protective of any of them. “I can help you get relief, or I can remove the plug or… both. Whatever you would like.”
Faramir felt his formerly pale face flush as Haldir spoke and looked down at their bodies. They were both aroused. Knowing that Haldir was too had helped him somewhat but it was embarrassing just the same. They were thrust into this situation together, not even really knowing one another, attracted if the kiss meant anything but Gods… though the alternative of remaining in pain or waiting for the guards to come back and roughly removing the plug wasn’t a pleasant thought at all. “We can perhaps… help each other if… if you want. I am afraid if we do not take care of it ourselves the alternative will be much worse.”
“I have no doubt about that,” Haldir agreed, gently pulling Faramir closer. He rolled over a bit and was careful to place his hands on Faramir’s back where there seemed to be no welts. After a moment, they were facing one another, mere inches apart and Haldir’s lips were close to Faramir’s once again. “Let me,” he murmured, sliding one hand between them and wrapping his fingers around both their arousals, finding that Faramir was just as hard and as he himself was. “Maybe you could just kiss me again? That’s all I think I need to finish quickly.”
Faramir winced a few times as his body brushed against the floor, fresh welts and wounds aching and burning but the ache between his legs was starting to become even more uncomfortable. He licked his lips, finding they burned as his tongue moved over places where he’d bitten himself but it wasn’t painful enough not to want to kiss Haldir. He moaned as a firm hand wrapped around him and he could feel the heat of Haldir’s arousal pressed against his own. “Gods…” he murmured and nodded. “Yes,” he answered softly as he leaned forward and pressed his swollen lips against Haldir’s. The pressure was gentle and sweet, their tongues tracing and lingering and then growing bolder as Haldir’s hand began to move between them. As aroused as he was, Faramir wasn’t sure he would last long at all, the plug inside him nudging his sweet spot each time he moved. He’d never even imagined things like this before and now he was in this place and this time doing something so… debauched almost of his own free will with someone who truly did excite him. He pushed his guilt and confusion away as his need grew even more and Haldir’s hand began to speed up between them.
It was a sweet, simple pleasure they shared, despite everything that had happened before and was sure to happen afterward, Haldir thought. Even the pain from the welts on his back and legs didn’t burn quite as much as the heat of Faramir’s mouth seemed to fill him. He’d somehow managed to pull Faramir on top of him, and his abused back was lying directly on the floor, but he barely noticed. All he could see was Faramir’s face, all he could hear was the soft moans that filled his mouth as they fell from Faramir’s lips; and Gods… all he could feel were their bodies touching, each offering comfort and hope in a place that lacked both. He pulled away only enough to catch the other man’s gaze and took a deep breath. “Coming…” he panted, leaning up and capturing Faramir’s lips again in an even deeper kiss as his fingers tightened on their arousals and his hand moved even more quickly.
What was happening was something that Faramir could never have imagined, practically writhing on top of the Elf as his desire overrode the pain and shame of what had happened. Nothing mattered at this moment in time but the two of them and the current connection they shared. Maybe it was so many strong emotions flooding through him fueling it all… the one thing he could control in this place, fear, pain, shame even confusion seemed to fuel his need. It wasn’t something he could understand and wasn’t sure if he wanted to. The skin around the still fresh piercing burned from sweat, the fresh welts on his body burned as well, his backside ached each time his body clenched around the thing still buried inside him but none of it mattered. Everything in him was focused on Haldir and this need between them. When the Elf drew away panting, Faramir was in much the same state and as he heard the single word a low moan escaped as their lips met again, his body arching against Haldir’s as he cried out against his lips.
In almost no time at all, Haldir felt his cock pulse against his palm just as he felt Faramir grind against him. That, plus the delicious taste of the perfect mouth sealed over his own sent him over the edge moments later. His back arched up off the floor, taking Faramir with him, but keeping a close hold on him, and he moaned loudly feeling his balls emptying between them, covering both their skin and Haldir’s still stroking hand. Even as he continued moving, he could only think and say one word again and again. “Faramir.”
Within moments Faramir felt and heard Haldir’s release and his own followed at almost the exact same moment, the tension snapping and sending wave after wave of pleasure flooding through him and overriding the pain. It seemed strange, he’d just been beaten and abused mere minutes ago but at that single moment he felt more alive and more free than he ever had as they came together. What was happening to him? More than that, should he be afraid of those feelings coursing through him or not? Because at that moment he knew, this gorgeous Elf who had shared his punishment today without complaint, even goading them to take more of it… Faramir felt his heart not only softening to Haldir but opening to him as well. So easily he could lose his heart. It was ironic perhaps? Feeling this way in a place… in a prison like this. He stared at Haldir for a long moment, still panting as their gazes locked. No words passed between them but their eyes seemed to say everything they could not speak.
Haldir couldn’t seem to look away… nor did he want to. Slowly, the pain seemed to seep back into his body, the cold floor beneath them irritated the welts and lacerations across his back and shoulders, and the plug buried deep inside him was a painful reminder of the lack of preparation he’d received as it had been inserted. Still, it didn’t seem to matter. In the blue depths of Faramir’s eyes, he saw so much – so many hopes, dreams, so much innocence, and possibilities beyond counting if, by some miracle they could escape this place together. That, of course, was impossible, though, and he knew it.
Gathering Faramir gently against him, Haldir sat up and finally broke their gazes. “I have been forced to be intimate with other prisoners before,” he admitted, “but never in my eight years here, have I actually craved it with ever fiber of my being like I do with you.” As he spoke, he tried to soothe away the ache in Faramir’s body, wishing they were back in their ‘home’ with the ointments he’d made the night before. “Did I hurt you? Was I too rough after all they’d done?”
Faramir came back to himself slowly, each and every ache and pain making itself known with renewed vigor it seemed but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the fact that he’d wanted Haldir, more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life and that was the one thing the monsters that held them couldn’t take away from him. He smiled just a little as they sat up, the smile dimming just a bit. “You did not hurt me… they did but never you. Never you, Haldir,” he whispered. Sitting up made the plug inside him shift and he gasped. “Can we… can we remove those or will they be angry if we do?”
Haldir winced and nodded, then pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of Faramir’s mouth. “We can take them out,” he said. “When the others return, they will either not notice, and take us back to our room, or they’ll be glad the plugs have been removed so they can take us. It will depend on their mood.” He took Faramir’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “They hurt coming out almost as much a going in after a beating,” he warned, leaning forward, then reaching behind him to tug on the base of the plug. “Your muscles tense up and the skin is sometimes torn where the belt cut.” He pulled as he spoke, wincing as his guardian muscle, which had been tight, just as he’d said, stretched and expanded to release the object buried inside him. He finally laid the plug on the ground behind them. “Gods, I hope they just let us go home.”
Faramir cringed when Haldir said that the guards might take them, but he always knew it was a possibility especially after the day before. He flinched as Haldir removed his own and wished there was something there in the cell to help with the pain. “I hope so too, though I wish home meant home,” he whispered as he struggled to his knees trying to figure out the right way to remove it. It felt like it was almost permanently a part of him for a moment and he tried to relax but just the thought of the pain of it made him tense more. “I…” he hung his head. “I do not think I can do it…” he whispered trembling.
Getting to his knees as well, Haldir slipped one hand beneath Faramir’s hair to rest on the back of his neck, pulling the trembling young man closer to lean against him. “I forgot to show you the rose bush just beneath our window,” he whispered, resting his lips just over Faramir’s ear and speaking soothingly. “We cannot touch it, because Saruman has made sure we cannot touch any of the outside world, but when we get back, I will show it to you. It has the most beautiful roses I have ever seen, rivaling even those in Lothlórien. The petals are the deepest shade of red you can imagine, and I’ve always thought to touch one would be like touching one of the velvet robes my Lady wears when she dances with Lord Celeborn at the winter festivals.” Slowly, his hand reached down as he spoke of the rose bush, and gently began working the plug from Faramir’s body, tenfold more slowly than he’d removed his own. His free arm held the still trembling body close, but he could see he had Faramir’s full attention and that he didn’t seem to be feeling too much as the plug was carefully worked out. By the time he’d finished telling of Galadriel’s favorite spider-spun festival robe, the plug was free, and lying on the ground beside Haldir’s.
Faramir felt skittish and suddenly very shy as Haldir pulled him closer but then his words against his ear, the way he was speaking help to ease the trembling. He took in a shuddering breath as he tried to focus on the images that Haldir’s words brought to his mind. It did help him relax a little, though he was still afraid it would hurt more than he could bear. He’d been in pain before they had started and he knew this wouldn’t be easy. He jumped a little as he felt Haldir’s hand wrap around the base of it, but he focused on the words the Elf spoke rather than on what was happening. Faramir closed his eyes and tried harder to relax and soon he felt his muscles give and the thick, hard length was drawn from him. He winced when he saw the blood staining it and would have probably collapsed from the mixture of pain and relief he felt if Haldir hadn’t been holding him so tightly.
Haldir pressed soft kisses to Faramir’s forehead as he waited for the pain to fade, wishing there was more he could do to help. Before he could speak, the door behind Faramir was flung open and three of the largest guards were there, leering at both the Elf and the Man. The Elf’s arms tightened protectively around Faramir’s shoulders. “Pretend you passed out,” he hissed as he looked calmly at the guards. “I am afraid Dorvane got carried away. He beat this man so badly he passed out, and I know you boys don’t find it sporting to take an unconscious man.”
Faramir was so taken with the sweet kisses that he luckily did not flinch badly when the door flung open. The whispered words against his ear weren’t terribly far from what he felt like doing anyway. He closed his eyes and relaxed his body further against Haldir’s, pretending that he was unconscious. He was thankful for what Haldir was doing but then the Elf wasn’t unconscious… what if the guards decided to take him? Trying not to tense or react in any way he tried to beg the Valar to somehow intercede. But of course in this place prayers seemed to be of no use.
The guards looked at each other and sighed. Dorvane did have a way of taking the fun of out these things some times, but of course, they could never complain about it. “Take the Man back to your quarters then you return. We have… business to discuss with you.” Most of the guards were crude and sadistic, but Ronan, however, thought he was above them in both manners and consideration. Unlike the others who simply preferred to tell their prisoners to “bend over so they could fuck ‘em raw,” Ranon preferred to call it ‘business,’ a fact Haldir for once, was thankful for, as he truly didn’t want Faramir to stir and have to undergo anything else today. There would be time enough for that, probably as early as tomorrow.
Before Faramir could protest or ‘wake’, Haldir was standing and heading toward the door, holding the young man’s head firmly so that his face was buried against Haldir’s neck and he couldn’t speak. They were back in their rooms a moment later and he was laying Faramir down on their bed, careful not to put pressure on his wounds as the guards waited outside the door. “I will not be long,” he said softy. “You rest. When I return, I will put some more salve on your back and make some more tea.”
Faramir’s fingers tightened into fists when the guard said that Haldir was to return, but at the least passing through the doorway again might offer some healing to the Elf before he had to endure what the guards would do. Faramir frowned and chanced to open his eyes; grateful that Haldir’s long golden hair shielded him from the guards gaze. “You will be the one needing tending I suspect,” he whispered sadly. Not understanding why Haldir was letting him pretend this way. He clutched Haldir’s hand between them. “Thank you… I do not think I could have… have… just… just thank you.”
Moving so that his body blocked the guard’s view of the bed, Haldir smiled and gently pressed his lips against Faramir’s. “You can thank me by not moving until I return,” he said softly. “Then we can relax and I will show you that rose bush.” One of the guards growled, and Haldir gave a soft sigh as he squeezed, then released Faramir’s hand. “Do not worry about me. I am used to this. Remember I have endured it for 8 years now.”
Faramir frowned sadly, but managed to relax his features before Haldir drew away, his heart clenching in his chest and his stomach rolling from what the Elf was about to endure yet again and yet again for him. His eyes closed just as Haldir pulled away completely and he felt suddenly cold and lonely as soon as he heard the door close behind them. That was when the tears came sliding from beneath closed eyelids to land on the pillow below him. How had his life come to this? How could he ever consider himself honorable by allowing someone else to endure such a thing and he himself pretend to be unconscious? It wasn’t right, but he knew he was trapped now. To get up and move around the room left him open to being seen by guards and then Haldir’s sacrifice would be for nothing at all and likely even worse on them both for deceiving them.
It was almost an hour later when Haldir came limping slowly back into the pretty little prison they called home. He was trying his best not to show any pain, and in truth, they had done less to him today than normal, simply because they had been on a rather long patrol and were a bit tired. The Elf had endured much, much worse, and was anxious to get back to Faramir to make sure he was fairing well after his ‘punishment.’ The guards escorted him to the door, watched him walk in, and then closed the door behind him, on their way to dinner.
Chapter 4
Faramir was still on the bed, his tears still damp against the sheets and his face when he heard the door open. He knew he shouldn’t open his eyes or move, just in case the guards had come with Haldir but he couldn’t help himself. He opened them immediately and stared as the Elf, obviously in pain, crossed the room. Faramir tried to sit up, and gasped from the pain of it but forced himself through it and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Let me help you,” Faramir offered, seeing that Haldir was already shaking his head at him.
“Pen vuin (dear one),” Haldir said softly, stopping by the table for the small jar of salve he’d made the night before. He moved to the bed and gingerly sat on the side as he stirred the contents of the jar. “I told you to rest. I am fine. Now… lay over on your stomach and let me see if I can ease your pain. I am sorry I did not have time before but…” He looked up, frowned and reached out to gently touch Faramir’s cheek, tracing his fingertips along the trail his tears had left behind. “Is the pain that bad, or did they do something to you while I was gone?”
Unable to believe that Haldir seemed to think of him above himself, Faramir shook his head. “The tears were for you… I hated knowing what you were going through and I was here safe, you took the worst of our beatings and yet you will not let me tend to you… I feel… guilty and a burden to you,” he said sadly.
Haldir shook his head and smiled. “Faramir, you are no burden to me. Despite the heartache I feel when they hurt you, or when I see you in pain, you have brought me more joy with the few smiles and kisses we have shared than I have known in more than eight years now.” He took Faramir’s hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. “I wish you were anywhere but here, and I wish you had never gotten captured, but Gods, your kisses and the way your eyes sparkle… they remind me of the good things in life that I have missed so much of since I was captured by Saruman. I can never thank you enough for that.”
Faramir was completely taken off guard by Haldir’s words. He gave Haldir comfort? He’d been nothing but trouble it seemed to Faramir, but he could tell that Haldir was being completely serious. His words were not to placate him they were true… at least in the Elf’s mind they were. Shaking his head, he reached up and touched Haldir’s cheek, a wistful smile on his face. “Haldir, I do not know what you see when you look at me, I do not know how it is possible to see all those things, but know this… despite the pain and the abuse here… I am glad to be here to offer you any comfort I can,” he whispered.
Feeling his heart swell at Faramir’s words, Haldir reached out and cupped the face before him in the palm of his hand. “You offer me more than you could ever know,” the Elf whispered. He started to lean forward to press a kiss to Faramir’s lips, but moaned when his injuries reminded him that he should not move too quickly. He took a deep breath, pressed their lips together and let his hand slip down to Faramir’s neck. “Lie down, my lovely one, let me tend to your back and legs.”
Faramir winced when Haldir moaned in pain, and felt his heart ache from it even as soft lips pressed against his own. “I imagine I am not going to win this argument with you am I?” he asked softly, wanting to tend Haldir’s wounds even though his own were burning badly.
Haldir laughed softly. “No, I imagine that as stubborn as you are, I am even more so, and your body is not used to this as mine is.” He carefully helped Faramir to lie down on his stomach and began applying the salve as gently as he could to the man’s shoulders, back, legs, then his backside, where the lashes were the most concentrated. “Did the plug they used today reopen the cuts you had inside?” he asked, not wanting to examine anything without Faramir’s permission.
Faramir sighed heavily even as he was rolled onto his stomach and he closed his eyes for a moment wishing that he could do something, anything, to end this for both of them. Neither of them deserved a life such as it was. This was only his second day here and he had no idea how he could possibly survive a week let alone eight years as Haldir had. He cringed and flinched a few times, the salve stinging at first but soon cooling against the wounds. “I… I think it did, there was some blood,” he whispered shyly.
Coating his fingers generously with the slick ointment, Haldir let his fingers explore the cleft of Faramir’s backside, giving him as much dignity as possible by not looking. He continued talking and trying to ignore his own aches as he soothed Faramir, knowing that at least, his skin had thickened and though he healed quickly and had few scars to show for his ordeal, he wasn’t in half the pain Faramir and his pale, previously unmarred skin had to be in. His fingertip found the ring of muscles that had been so recently invaded by the hated plug Dorvane favored and slowly pushed forward just enough to ease the salve inside. When he finished, he rubbed more over the reddened opening and then pulled away. “Feeling a bit better already, I’d wager, now aren’t you?” he asked softly.
Faramir hissed as Haldir’s fingers pressed inside him, the reaction a normal one after so much abuse to the area. The salve always burned for a few seconds at first but soon it cooled and began to feel better. He was actually quite relaxed again by the time Haldir drew away and spoke. “I am. The salve does help… as does just knowing someone cares how I feel,” he said looking over his shoulder at Haldir. “Are you in any pain? I would be glad to tend you too, there is salve left is there not?”
Haldir brushed his fingers through the ends of Faramir’s hair and started to deny that he was in pain. But he was… gods, he hurt everywhere, it had been some time since he’d had someone willing and able to tend to him. “Aye,” he said softly, still toying idly with Faramir’s hair. “I am in pain, and there is plenty of salve left. You don’t have to tend to me though. The last prisoner thought Elves were … unpleasant. He wanted to be tended to, but could not bear to touch me. Even the things Dorvane and his men forced us to do often made him sick to his stomach, or so he said.”
Faramir was stunned for a moment as he rose up and stared at Haldir. “Haldir, I think I have proven I have no aversion to you,” he said utterly shocked. “I enjoy touching you and your touching me and not just for healing… in the cell earlier… I wanted you not just release.” His face grew red with the admission but it was true.
Moving slowly, Haldir lay down on the bed beside Faramir and smiled. “So you were not humoring me with your sweet kisses then?” he teased gently before his smile was wiped away and he turned serious. “That is good, because I wanted you as well, and nothing they can say or do is going to change that.”
Faramir smiled and shook his head. “Not just humoring you at all,” he whispered and leaned up on his side, careful not to roll back onto the sore spots and leaned on his elbow as he settled the jar of salve between them. He dipped his fingers in and frowned, as he looked at all the welts crisscrossing Haldir’s back. He began slowly spreading the salve and blowing softly following each swipe. “You really should not have antagonized Dorvane you know… I doubt he will forget that he did not get to take us today,” he whispered sadly.
Gritting his teeth at each stinging bite of the ointment, Haldir rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. “I know,” he nodded. “But at least this way you have a few extra days to heal. You were injured badly from your ‘initiation,’ yesterday, and since we were together, they would not have been satisfied to hurt only one of us. I think it better that they spared you a bit, rather than punished us both. But it is me he will be angry at, not you – he wants me, wants me to want him – which is never going to happen, but most of all, he is furious that I am the only prisoner he has never broken in all his years here at this farm. And so I will always get the brunt of his anger, which… before you protest, is the way I prefer it.”
“You are braver than most I would wager, braver than I am… I do not think I could last eight years here, I fear… I fear without you I would not have lived through today,” Faramir said softly. His hands moved lower, coating Haldir’s body in the thick salve, his hands trembling a little as they passed over the worst cuts. “Do you need tending elsewhere?” he asked carefully, knowing these guards were never gentle.
Thinking that Faramir was stronger than he knew, Haldir started to say as much, then stopped at Faramir’s question. “I… the same places you needed tending,” he said as his face darkened. “I am fine, really, but they… used things, and though they let me stop by the stream to rinse off a bit, there was… there was a lot of bleeding.”
Faramir winced and bit his lip as Haldir spoke of a lot of bleeding. He swallowed hard and nodded then, compassion flooding his eyes. “I will be careful,” he whispered and coated his fingers liberally again before trailing down further, carefully dipping between the abused and red globes of Haldir’s backside. He could feel the slickness of blood still there and felt tears sting his eyes and hatred darken his heart toward Dorvane, Saruman and the guards even more. He was careful and slow, stopping when he felt resistance and slowly easing his fingers inside the warmth of Haldir’s body as he applied the healing salve. Faramir was equally as careful as he withdrew and only managed to find his voice then. “That should help,” he whispered as he leaned down and brushed his lips against one of the few uninjured spots on Haldir’s shoulder.
Haldir bit the inside of his jaw to keep from moaning as Faramir gently took care of him. When he was finished, the edge of the pain had been taken off at least, and he slowly relaxed down into the bed. As the small, sweet kiss on the shoulder registered, however, he smiled and looked up, brushing his golden hair back so he could see Faramir’s face. “A kiss given freely is by far the sweetest, most treasured one,” he said softly. He leaned up just a bit, entwined their fingers and rested back against the bed. “Thank you for that, and for tending to my wounds. Now rest, my lovely one. You are in pain as well.”
Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke of his kiss and carefully moved to place the jar back on the nightstand behind him. He lay back down beside Haldir and snuggled closer, leaning in to press another kiss against Haldir’s lips. “With you… they are always freely given kisses,” he whispered truthfully as he relaxed against the pillow. They were both aching and tired from their ordeal that morning.
Already, Haldir was getting attached… way too attached. Despite Haldir’s best efforts at protecting him, Faramir might not survive, or might be shipped off to another farm, or might… escape. Besides…“Do you have a husband or wife or lover back at home?” he asked softly, studying the long tapering fingers of Faramir’s left hand. “Someone that will search for you every moment of every day until you are found?”
Faramir shook his head a little and sighed. “No, no one like that. I have a brother though… he is older, I grew up with him as my mentor and best friend and I think he will search for me,” Faramir said softly too tired to even catch the implication of Haldir’s words. “Did you have anyone? When you were brought here? Family or friends who may still be looking?”
Haldir looked away, but not before Faramir saw the tears in his eyes that were quickly blinked away. “I had someone long ago, but he will not be searching for me,” he said softly. “Two someone’s, actually – my brothers Rúmil and Orophin. But thanks to Saruman, they think they saw me die.”
Faramir swallowed hard from the sudden tears in Haldir’s eyes and moved closer, resting his cheek close to Haldir’s. “I am so sorry,” he whispered and then panic gripped him. “What if… gods what if Boromir forgets me? What if Saruman does something to him too?” Faramir said sadly, the pain of the thought hurting him more than he could imagine. To be forgotten by the ones you love most… was the worst sort of fate. It was as if you had never existed at all.
Shaking his head, Haldir pressed a kiss against Faramir’s cheek. “I doubt he would harm your brother,” he said. “The reason he made my brothers forget was that…” His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes for a moment, remembering that day eight years ago when he saw his beloved young brother tied up on another bed on another farm. “He had raped my brother. I came as quickly as I could, but by the time I got there, Rúmil was fading. Saruman didn’t want Rúmil though, he wanted me, so we made an exchange. I never wanted his filthy hands on my brother again, so we made the trade, but I demanded he make Rúmil well again. He was alsto to be certain that I was dead, so that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life searching for me.”
Faramir’s heart broke at the pain he both saw in Haldir’s eyes and heard in his voice. His hand reached out to curl around Haldir’s and he squeezed gently in an offer of silent support as he relayed his story. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I am so sorry… I wish there was something I could do, Haldir. I really do, but I understand your worries, I worry that Boromir will try to find me and end up captured too,” he whispered. “I think… I think Saruman plays on our fears, I think somehow he knows them and will use them to his advantage to control us… like he did you. He knew you would not let your brother die like that, just as he knows I fear Boromir being caught too. He knows how to use our hearts against us,” he said sadly.
“It is hard to remember that not so long ago, he was a leader of his race,” Haldir sighed, bringing Faramir’s hand up to his lips for a kiss. “Fortunately, he is not here that often anymore, and Dorvane does not concern himself with who or what we care for. When he makes you and I… do things… some of them pleasant, and some of them not – he will not even give a second thought to what we say or do. As long as we follow his directions, he will not use us against one another… at least I don’t think he will. Honestly, I have never been as entranced by another prisoner as I am with you. But he just likes, as he says “to watch the pretty ones play together… and bleed together.”
Faramir frowned in distaste at the thought of bleeding together but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about his burgeoning feelings for Haldir being something he needed to fear. “I am glad that Dorvane does not care then because… I do care for you already, Haldir. Perhaps it is the kindness you have shown me, the need I have for a friend here in this place, or the beauty and light I see in you each time I look into your eyes… perhaps all of it,” he whispered softly, meaning every word.
“I feel the same way,” Haldir confessed. “In fact, I find it quite difficult to think about anything – including the pain when I look into your breathtakingly blue eyes. They hold a magic far more powerful than even Saruman could ever know. Besides, they do funny things to my stomach… make it flip upside down and do silly little dances up around my heart. And they make me think that things are not so bad after all, despite our circumstances.”
Faramir felt his heart skip just as Haldir spoke and smiled. “You do the same to me… make me forget everything… like earlier in the cell… your kisses distracted me from the pain,” he whispered honestly. “I could only hope mine did the same for you.”
“I was aware of little else but your lips. And the sweet taste of your tongue, and the warmth of your mouth, and the feel of your body against mine and… and… well, apparently, I was aware of a great many things, but none of them involved the pain,” Haldir teased, though his words were nothing but the truth.
Faramir laughed softly, regretting it a little as his body reminded him of the aches he still had but he nudged even closer to Haldir. “I am glad to have given you solace like you did me then,” he whispered brushing his lips gently against Haldir’s again. “Gods, you have the sweetest lips…” he whispered and smiled. “We should rest… and if we are feeling better when we wake perhaps we can prepare a meal… together if we can.”
Haldir smiled and then carefully found a small area on Faramir’s back that hadn’t been whipped or welted. He shifted to lie on his side and gently put his arm across Faramir, resting just over the clear area, and pressed a kiss to his temple before sliding closer. “Aye, we should rest,” he said softly. “Then we will have a spectacular meal. Saruman wants us to stay healthy, so we have a well-stocked kitchen, though all the knifes have spells on them so they cannot be used as a weapon. So sleep, my lovely Faramir, and dream of freedom and sweet kisses and delicious dinners.”
Faramir smiled as Haldir pulled him a little closer and listened. He wondered how Haldir knew of the spell on the knives but decided not to ask. “Sweet dreams to you as well, Haldir…” he whispered as he began to relax, the mornings activities and his tears while Haldir had been gone taking their toll on him as he drifted off.
Haldir drifted off moments later, feeling oddly content for the moment, though he knew the upcoming months and weeks might be the worst he had ever endured, simply because already, he cared too much for Faramir. As his breathing deepened, he was trying to figure out ways the young man could escape. Haldir himself, couldn’t of course, or Saruman would likely go after his brothers, and he would pay dearly for helping Faramir, but it was definitely a price he would gladly pay to keep this dear, innocent man with the sparkling blue eyes out of harm’s way.
Chapter 5
The rest of that day the guards left Haldir and Faramir alone. They slept several hours but when they awoke both were hungry and still sore but they pushed past the soreness in favor of fixing a meal. They did that together, Faramir insisting he help prepare it. Neither of them could stand to sit on the wooden chairs at the table so they brought the food to the bed and lay half on their sides to eat and talk. Faramir shared stories of his childhood, his brother and his life as a ranger while Haldir shared tales of the Golden Wood and his long life there as a guardian.
They discussed books and the outdoors and their mutual love of them and Faramir found that when Haldir spoke or laughed the pain of his own injuries seemed to dim. Later that evening they helped one another clean up from dinner as well as carefully bathe.
They each chose books to read and settled in the large bed, reading and simply trying not to think of what would happen the next day. There was no set routine there, Haldir had explained, sometimes keeping them for a whole day, sometimes several, sometimes coming back the same day or sometimes leaving them be for several days at a time. It was random and he’d had to force himself long ago not to focus on it too much. They came for him when they came for him; it was as simple as that.
Faramir had a far more difficult time with the concept of not knowing what might happen the next day or even the next hour but Haldir helped him keep from focusing on it too much.
By the time they fell asleep they were curled up with one another and Faramir, despite the circumstances, for some reason felt safe in Haldir’s arms.
Despite the pain and fear, Haldir had finally remembered what it was to smile again – something he thought he’d forgotten long ago. Faramir brought that out in him, however, and he found himself doing everything he could to keep Faramir smiling as well. As they’d taken care of each other over the course of the day, they’d lost all shame, knowing that there was nothing they could see or feel that the other hadn’t – or wouldn’t – eventually feel themselves. There was only gentleness between them, both Man and Elf naturally making their touches light and soothing, tender and sweet. When they finally slept again, Haldir had simply opened his arms to Faramir, who seemed to fit into his embrace perfectly, and held him close, and they fell asleep within moments of each other.
Both were startled to hear keys in the lock on the door and the door open early the next morning. Haldir pulled the sheet and blanket protectively over Faramir and glared toward the doorway. “Dorvane.” The word was said with as much disdain as he dared, and he was rewarded with a sharp jolt of pain to his groin as Dorvane, whose hand was in his pocket, ran his thumb over the dial that matched Haldir’s ring of submission. Haldir’s eyes watered and his knees drew up, but he kept a firm hold on Faramir, praying they would give the young man at least another day’s reprieve.
Faramir had hoped today they would be left alone, but he knew all along it was a slim hope. He clung to Haldir, trying to soothe him as his body stiffened in pain in reaction to the damnable submission ring. He wanted to protect Haldir but he couldn’t. All he could do was try to offer comfort as their tormentor entered the room sneering at them.
Dorvane turned off the ring, but was infuriated by the look of defiance that was still in the Elf’s eyes. He would break the creature. It might take years, but he was in no hurry… he had all the time in the world. “Both of you, come with me,” he snapped, turning and leaving two guards to escort his prisoners to his favorite ‘play room.’ “And be quick about it!”
Haldir closed his eyes and rested his head against Faramir’s for a moment, running a hand along his back. “I am fine,” he said softly, though his balls still ached and were already beginning to swell from the pain the ring had caused. “I…” Before he could finish, one of the guards crossed the room, grabbed, Haldir by the arm and drug him from the bed. Haldir released Faramir just in time so that he wouldn’t be drug out of the bed too, but saw that it didn’t matter – the second guard was taking care of that himself.
Faramir knew the pain of the submission ring and knew Haldir wasn’t ‘fine’ by any means and gave him as encouraging a look as he could before the Elf was being practically ripped from his arms. He yelped when the guard dragged him off the opposite side of the bed, each injury from the day before screaming to life again. His muscles were stiff and he had trouble walking as the guard pushed him and he stumbled a little before finding his feet again. He saw that Haldir was being drug by the other guard his hand tightly fisted around the Elf’s wrist just as the other guard grabbed his arm in the same menacing grip. He knew his eyes were wide and terrified, but he forced himself not to tremble as they moved. Passing through the doorway he felt the healing magic wash over him, the welts on his back not hurting nearly as much and felt himself feel stronger than he had before, but not nearly enough. Faramir almost flinched when they entered the room Dorvane had chosen; it was filled with all sorts of… what looked to him to be torture devices among other things.
“Tie the Elf over the black bench,” Dorvane ordered, gesturing toward a black leather bench in the center of the room. It had many uses, but today, its function would be clear. Haldir was forced to lean over the padded bench, resting his chest against the rail in the middle. His wrists were stretched out in front of him, and his knees were bent and resting on two smaller rails on each side of the contraption. Naturally, he thought dryly, the knee benches had been spread as far apart as possible, leaving him as open and exposed as he could be. The guards deftly secured his legs to the railings, then used a thin leather belt to wrap around his waist, assuring the guards that he couldn’t move. Lastly, his hair was gathered and pulled to one side, so as not to soften the blows if he received any punishment. All the while, one guard held Faramir firmly as the others prepared their prisoner for the morning fun.
Faramir watched as Haldir was tied to the bench, his body spread that way. To treat one so beautiful this way made Faramir furious and he had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything that would only make matters worse for both of them. He kept his eyes fixed on Haldir’s back, afraid to look anywhere else. The guard pushed him forward to another contraption, a bar hanging from the ceiling just above his head and directly in front of Haldir. His hands were cuffed to it, not like the day before though. He was not hanging from his wrists, his feet were still on the ground, where they cuffed them too his legs spread wide apart to rings in the floor. It didn’t keep his body tense though like the day before, it allowed him some small amount of movement forwards or back and he had no idea what they had planned for him. A beating or… something else?
Haldir bit his lip as he saw how Faramir was restrained. He’d been in those very shackles so many times before. He wanted to look away; unable to bear watching this man he already cared for, but at the same time, knew he couldn’t. “Remember to relax and breathe,” he said softly. “Close your eyes, or look into mine and remember the good things in your life, not the bad.” As he spoke, a guard moved behind him, a fact that Haldir sensed easily, but didn’t acknowledge as he concentrated on Faramir. He relaxed as much as he could, but the first stinging blow across his backside with the wide, textured paddle still caught him off guard.
Faramir could do little except watch Haldir or close his eyes and somehow he had the notion that if he did close his eyes, Dorvane who was watching him closely might punish him worse or worse still, punish Haldir more severely. He kept his eyes fixed on Haldir’s, winced and cringed when the first paddle blow landed on the Elf’s backside but had little time to even consider anything else before something smacked against his own rear still so abused from the last few days. Gods, had it only been three days in this place? He bit his lip against the pain of the blows, watching Haldir’s eyes and trying beyond hope to keep his mind clear and his body relaxed. It was hard to do, each blow made his body tense and before he could relax again the next fell. They concentrated their blows this time only on his backside just as they were to Haldir and a part of him could tell they were not seeking blood this time.
Never looking away, Haldir felt as if each blow to Faramir’s backside was added to his own. He wanted to tear apart every single guard in the room, and then slowly and painfully kill Dorvane. Bad enough they hurt Rúmil, but now Faramir, who was so very innocent, and had merely only been in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Haldir’s backside was practically glowing a dark, purplish red from the force of the blows. Faramir seemed to be in much the same position, his face pale, his body damp with sweat, his eyes full of pain, and Haldir would have given anything then to just hold him and take him away from this place.
Faramir had no way of knowing that his thoughts and Haldir’s thoughts were echoes of one another. He too wished to take Haldir away from this place, to hold and soothe him and forget about the pain. But right now there was no way to avoid the pain, it flared each time he was hit, forcing his body to rock forward and his ankles to ache where the shackles bit into him. He wasn’t sure how long it was, how many times they had hit him and hit Haldir but the blows seemed to become weaker as the guard’s arms tired. Faramir simply stared ahead, kept watching Haldir’s face and trying to think of anything but where they were and what was happening.
It took Haldir a moment to realize the blows had stopped. He shifted as much as he could in his restraints and watched in relief as the guards freed Faramir’s arms and legs. Having participated in too many of these little rituals, however, he knew they were only getting started. No one made any move to free him he glanced away from Faramir for only a moment to see Dorvane approach the young man with a long life-like phallus in his hand. He grabbed Faramir’s hand and closed his fingers over the handle, then glared at Faramir. “Use this on the Elf to open him up for us,” he demanded. “If you don’t… then I will, and I think we both know which he would prefer don’t you?”
Faramir almost collapsed when they released him, his backside stinging and hot as the guards unlocked the shackles around his ankles that were now raw and bleeding. His eyes widened as Dorvane approached with the phallus and he stared at him for a moment before the words snapped him to move forward. As he walked stiffly around Haldir’s body, tears stung his eyes to see how abused his backside was, knowing his own was likely in the same shape though it hurt him worse seeing Haldir it seemed. He swallowed hard and tried to kneel behind him, almost crying out from the pain of the movement. Gods, he didn’t want to do this… not that he wouldn’t enjoy being with Haldir sexually but not like this opening him for someone else while he was still in so much pain. There was nothing to ease the way, and the phallus was far too big to just use… well the guards or Dorvane would have but not Faramir. Shaking, he stuck two fingers in his mouth, wetting them as much as he could and then carefully touched Haldir’s backside to part the reddish purple globes. Gods, he knew just that touch hurt, but he tried his best to be gentle as his fingers sought out the heat of his body. Slowly he pushed forward, beyond the tight guardian ring, hoping that the others wouldn’t become too impatient with him and make him hurt Haldir.
Haldir’s hands knotted into tight fists as Faramir gently touched him. Finally, he could close his eyes, and did so, all the while keeping his teeth clenched together, not wanting to give Dorvane the satisfaction of crying out or add to Faramir’s guilt about what he was being forced to do. As long fingers pressed against him, he felt his muscles give way, and allow the digits entrance. His backside still felt as if it was on fire, but the thought of Faramir’s touching him so intimately made him feel more than pain… much, much more than pain. At the mere idea, he felt his sex fill and harden beneath him. Dorvane enjoyed making him aroused, and at times could only do so with direct stimulation or a particular setting on his submission ring, but Faramir… Faramir didn’t even have to try. He couldn’t speak to let Faramir know what he was feeling, but he could move just enough to push back against the delving fingers, pushing them in deeper, knowing Faramir would understand. Inner muscles contracted around the questing digits, the Elf’s only way of telling Faramir that he was fine, that he wasn’t hurting him, and that, gods help him, he would still welcome being taken by Faramir despite his sore backside.
He hated himself for it, Faramir thought as he continued but it was fact. He desired Haldir and that fact was starting to make itself known as he prepared him as gently as he possibly could with their audience. When Haldir rocked back against him and muscles tightened voluntarily around his fingers he almost gasped. Gods, he wanted him so badly that he almost forgot his audience for a moment. He wanted to lean forward to gently kiss his lover’s abused backside, to let him know that he cared and that he would not hurt him if he had a choice about it. He felt Dorvane’s gaze on him and saw that the man was growing impatient. “Do it already!” the man growled and Faramir almost flinched. Carefully he withdrew his fingers and hoped that the phallus would not hurt Haldir too badly. He slowly began to insert it, knowing that Haldir was not nearly prepared enough for it but also knowing that Dorvane was at the end of his patience.
Haldir regretted the loss of Faramir’s fingers, which left him feeling empty and cold, though he knew what was coming next. As the phallus moved against him, he felt his skin and the still tight ring of muscles stretch to accommodate it, and hissed softly as it moved deeper. Forcing himself to stay relaxed, he felt the end of the damnable object brush over his prostate and despite himself, he jumped slightly and felt his arousal grow even harder. The guards often forced prisoners to take each other as they watched and to his utter humiliation, he found himself hoping that they would do just that and that he could feel Faramir inside him completely before the rest of them took their pleasure. He moaned softly, just loud enough for Faramir to hear, but it wasn’t a moan of pain.
Faramir was shaking as he pushed the phallus deeper inside, he kept his movements slow and easy, not wanting to hurt Haldir, though he knew that the considerable girth of the thing would stretch him more than was comfortable at first. Though when he felt Haldir jump and then heard the soft moan, he gasped, only realizing that he was panting as he watched the long shaft disappear inside the Elf. His own arousal was hard and dripping now, he felt ashamed of it, knowing that Dorvane would see and know but not able to do anything about it. When the phallus was buried deep inside, Faramir began to withdraw it only slightly, just enough to angle it and provide Haldir the most pleasure he could by brushing solidly against his sweet spot.
If Haldir’s hands were free, he would have reached down and fisted himself, but the most he could manage was a subtle shift of his hips on the bench. The stretch and burn of his inner muscles was almost gone now, and even the ache from the paddle was fading somewhat as he concentrated on the pleasure Faramir was giving him.
Lifting his head, he looked around the room to see that most of the guards already had their cocks out and were stroking them as they leered at the show being put on in the middle of the room.
After a moment, Dorvane moved forward, grabbed the phallus from Faramir’s hands and shoved it hard and deep inside Haldir’s body without warning. “Enough preparation,” he snapped. “It’s time for the main course.” He pushed Faramir away, removed the phallus, and lined himself up against Haldir’s opening, pushing inside in one solid thrust. “Keep quiet, Ranger, and I might even let you have him as well,” he grinned, slapping Haldir’s backside and finally causing the Elf to cry out as he set up a fast, almost frantic pace and took his pleasure.
Faramir startled as Dorvane pushed the phallus deep inside Haldir’s body and bit back a yelp of pain as he fell backwards onto his abused bottom. He scooted away, not wishing to witness what was happening and crawled on his hands and knees until he was in front of Haldir, none of the guards seemed to care what he was doing, and at the moment neither did Dorvane. He moved closer, hoping that he could help make this easier for Haldir. Faramir didn’t speak, only leaned forward and brushed a lock of hair behind Haldir’s ear and then leaning closer he kissed him gently. Hoping that somehow his kiss would help take Haldir’s mind off who was so brutally taking him now. And Dorvane, seeing the obvious affection between the Man and Elf began thrusting more cruelly and viscously than before, slamming into Haldir with what could only be described as rage and the need to hurt him as much as possible.
Haldir’s eyes were closed and he was almost startled at the gentle touch of Faramir’s fingers against his hair. As their lips met, he let go of some of the pain of being used so cruelly and simply took comfort in the fact that Faramir was there, helping him, not condemning him or finding him distasteful. A particularly hard thrust into his entrance pushed him forward a bit, and he gave Faramir a tired smile. The guards were laughing and making crude jokes around them, not caring what he or Faramir were doing or saying, and he spoke softly. “I hoped they would let you be the first,” he confessed. “Gods, I want you. Even after they are finished… I know you may not want me anymore, especially until after I am clean but the only thing giving me hope right now is thinking that you and I can make love soon…” His words were whispered against soft, full lips and he kissed Faramir again before the he could answer and either agree… or refuse.
Faramir was surprised by Haldir’s words though they had admitted before they were attracted to one another and there had been a sexual tension between them but neither had felt well enough to act on it. Before he could answer he was caught up in another deep kiss, and simply let himself go, let himself kiss Haldir until he was dizzy, his tongue exploring his hopefully soon to be lover’s mouth as Dorvane took what he wanted. This was their escape, the only one they had and as long as none of the others cared then Faramir was determined to help Haldir through this.
A final hard thrust let Haldir know that Dorvane was close, and moments later, he was filled with the heat of the slavemaster’s seed deep inside him. Dorvane pulled away roughly, causing Haldir to gasp and another, thicker cock took the master’s place, stretching the Elf’s entrance even wider. He didn’t pull away from the kiss, however, and heard one guard comment on it. Dorvane’s only comment was that he couldn’t care less, if it kept the Elf from fighting back, but his words seemed strained and unnatural.
It took almost no time at all for the second guard, then the third to finish, and they all stood back, staring at the Man and Elf in the middle of the room. “So, ranger, do you want to fuck him, or take him back to your rooms? I couldn’t care less what you do, I just want him gone from my sight.”
When Dorvane finished and then the second guard took him, Faramir cupped Haldir’s face in his hands, continuing to kiss him and whisper to him softly, nonsensical words just to soothe him. He was relieved by the time the third guard took his turn, none of them lasting very long. Faramir’s fingers threaded through soft golden hair and simply continued to watch Haldir. “I will take him back to our rooms,” he said softly as he stood. He was still obviously hard, the submission ring not allowing an arousal to fade easily. It was clear that the guards were not going to help him unfasten Haldir from the bench so he did it as carefully as he could.
Haldir was not the least surprised that Faramir didn’t want him after the guards had used him. Who could blame him? As he stood, wincing as the swollen flesh on his backside stretched, he gingerly rolled his arms and hips to loosen them and tried not to let the feeling of the guards’ release running down the inside of his thigh or his quite painful arousal, or the rings of blood around his wrists and ankles where he’d be bound affect him. He glared at Dorvane and with a much dignity as possibly, reached out one hand to rest at Faramir’s lower back, gently urging him forward, careful not to touch his reddened backside. The Elf’s legs were unsteady, but he did his best not to let it show, and as soon as they were outside of the room, he removed his hand from Faramir’s back, thinking he wouldn’t want to feel his touch at least until he’d bathed and rid himself of the guards’ smell. “Are you all right?” he asked softly as they limped down the hallway with two guards behind them.
The sound of the shackles falling away was incredibly loud in the silent room and Faramir watched Haldir closely trying to understand the things he saw in his eyes. He almost seemed… disappointed? That was ridiculous wasn’t it? He felt Haldir’s hand on his back and was comforted by that though until they reached the hallway and then Haldir’s hand fell away, Faramir reached out and curled his hand around the Elf’s careful not to hurt his wrist. “I am fine… it is you I am worried about,” he whispered to keep the guards from overhearing them.
Long Elven fingers automatically curled around Faramir’s hand, though Haldir refused to look at Faramir, certain he would see nothing but pity in his eyes if he did. “I am fine. This is nothing compared to what they usually do.” He said nothing else until they were inside their rooms, where he released Faramir’s hand and went to work. Ignoring the pain that seemed to be everywhere, even in his back and legs from the way he’d been bound for so long, not to mention his backside, he nevertheless began gathering water to put over the fire for a bath as he always did when he was able. “Lie down and I will make some more salve while the water warms,” he said softly, trying to keep the catch from his voice. “You should bathe first, while the water is still clean.”
When they entered the room it seemed that Haldir never stopped moving. Faramir had the easier time of it, he was not used as Haldir had been and it should be him taking care of the Elf not the other way around! He looked up when Haldir told him to bathe first and shook his head. “I will not… you should be the one lying down, Haldir… please,” he went to him and took one of the cauldrons of water to put over the fire. “Let me,” he said softly as he tried to look into blue eyes that were avoiding his gaze. “What is it? Why will you not let me help you, Haldir?”
Haldir was almost torn at the tone of Faramir’s voice, but he was too confused to simply pretend everything was well. Thankfully, his humiliation from the guards plus the knowledge that Faramir didn’t want him was making his erection soften despite the ring around its base. Still, he felt exposed in a way he hadn’t since Faramir had been brought here, and quickly tied a large towel around his waist. “You can help me when I need it,” he said, shaking his head. Then he remembered the soothing kisses and sweet words Faramir had whispered, and was more confused than ever – not to mention sorry for his less than kind words. “I… thank you for the kisses, though. They helped more than you could ever know.” This time, the words were softer, kinder, and he hoped to at least erase a bit of the unease that had suddenly sprung up between them. “I… understand why you didn’t want me though. Even the other prisoners who hated Elves took me when I was offered, just to relieve the pain of their arousals. They didn’t mind the… the mess, but you were raised differently, I know…”
Faramir was stung slightly by Haldir’s words and stared at him in confusion himself as he spoke. It seemed they were both not exactly understanding one another and when Haldir went on, Faramir’s mouth actually dropped open. “I… I didn’t want you?” he said in confusion. “Haldir… I wanted you. I still want you but I was not about to add to your pain or humiliation in that room… I was not about to have our first time together that way be tarnished by those… those animals standing there watching in enjoyment. I wanted you but I wasn’t about to take you tied to a bench! Gods… I want to make love to you and you to me, not… not rape you,” he said shaking his head and turning to place the water over the fire. With his back still to Haldir he hung his head as he stared into the flames. “I care about you… I kissed you because I care about you… and because I care about you, it would have killed me to add to your pain.”
Watching the stiffness of Faramir’s back as he stared into the fire, Haldir tried to work through what he said. No one else had ever refused to take him – not even the other prisoners he had become friends with. Faramir was… confusing at the very least, but what he said did make sense. Haldir had done much the same, taking his fellow prisoners when ordered to appease the guards and avoid the pain of the submission ring, but he’d always been as gentle as he could. Still, he couldn’t imagine taking Faramir that way, though he was sure that sometime in the future, he would be forced to.
He took a few tentative steps toward Faramir and stood behind him. “There will come a time when you will have no choice but to take me, restrained or otherwise,” he said softly. “But just now… I was afraid you found me… distasteful, especially after all the others had had their pleasure. I found myself distasteful, so how could you not?”
Faramir nodded, knowing that Haldir’s words were true about not having a choice but this time there was one. He turned though when Haldir went on. “I do not find you distasteful… not at all,” he whispered and to prove his point caught Haldir’s chin in his hand and kissed him tenderly. “I do want you but not if it meant hurting you if I had a choice about it. We do not get many choices here, Haldir… but my choice would be to make love to you as an equal… where you can touch me too, not tied to some… thing,” he whispered.
Haldir’s arms wound around Faramir’s body and he pulled him closer. His eyes closed and he simply breathed in the fresh scent of the man that remained despite all he’d been through. Soft lips moved against his own and he closed his eyes, wondering what it was that made this man so different from the rest who’d been brought here. “Forgive me?” he whispered, pressing tiny, soft kisses over Faramir’s face and trailing them down his neck. “I simply misunderstood.”
“There is nothing to forgive,” Faramir whispered as his arms wrapped around Haldir, the ache of his body forgotten as soft lips pressed against his skin. “I just had no idea you would think… that I would not want you. Gods, nothing could be further from the truth, though I can see why you thought it,” his words trailed off as Haldir’s lips moved along his neck and his fingers sank into soft golden hair. “When… when I had to prepare you, I forgot about them, forgot about everything but the two of us… I wanted to kiss you so badly, to soothe you and hold you and make love to you the way that you deserve. With kindness and passion… and with love.”
With love. The words seemed to wind their way around Haldir’s heart and he knew he wanted the same thing for Faramir… kindness, passion and love. “I forgot about them too,” he murmured against soft dark hair. “I closed my eyes and simply imagined you making love to me… which was why, I think I was… worried when you did not.” He looked over toward the still heating water and gave Faramir a tentative smile. “If… if I cleaned up a bit, would you still be interested in making love to me tonight? Would you still want me even after all you’ve seen today, and even after knowing that what is to come will likely be much, much worse for us both?”
Faramir wrapped his arms tighter around Haldir, careful not to hurt some of the welts still left from the day before that the magic of the threshold hadn’t healed. “I would love that… but only if you are not in too much pain… though I imagine if we both wait until we are pain free… well it will probably be longer than either of us care to wait,” he said softly and shook his head. “But let me help you? Please, I want to help you and it really has nothing to do with fairness… I simply want to take care of you,” he whispered. He wasn’t entirely sure what it meant to want someone like this or even have the feelings he felt for Haldir when they obviously had no future in a place like this but he knew what he felt growing in his heart was more than admiration, friendship and desire.
Haldir nodded and tucked the hair back behind Faramir’s ears before giving him a sweet, chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Aye. I would appreciate some help, but only if you let me help you as well. You were beaten as badly as I was, and you are not used to it.” He nodded toward the fireplace and held one hand over the bucket of water. “I think this is warm enough. If you want to get this ready, I will make more ointment to take away some of the pain from those damnable paddles.”
Faramir smiled just a little as Haldir kissed him and nodded. “We will help each other,” he whispered and set to work adding some crushed herbs to the water like he’d seen Haldir do before and then scooping the water into a bowl while Haldir worked making the salve they had already had to use so many times since his arrival. Faramir went to a shelf where towels were kept, grateful for them being clean and soft and moved slowly over to the bed. Neither of them could move quickly, each sore from everything they’d been through. Thankfully his worry earlier when he and Haldir misunderstood each other and the work he could concentrate on him now allowed his arousal to wan though he still ached. Glancing over at Haldir, he simply took in how beautiful the Elf was, despite it all… eight years of this place; he was the most gorgeous creature Faramir had ever seen.
Chapter 6
They worked together making the various medicines they needed and helping one another. This time Faramir insisted he take care of Haldir first, which was almost a little argument in itself… and Faramir almost didn’t win it. Once he had tended to Haldir, then the Elf did the same for him, even tending the wounds on his ankles from the shackles. The tea they drank was a healing one as well and put them both to sleep for a few hours, allowing their bodies to relax and let the various herbs help to heal them.
When Faramir woke up again he did feel better, though when he rolled a certain way he certainly remembered exactly what had happened earlier that day. Sitting in chairs for a while would be something neither of them would be doing for at least another day or two if their captors allowed them the chance to heal… if not it might be quite a bit longer. Lying beside Haldir though, Faramir began to watch him sleep, watched the way his eyelashes curled against his cheek… the unique shape of his elegant ears… the way his hair fell around his shoulders. He was so beautiful… so kind and giving and somehow deep down though Faramir was afraid to admit it yet, the Elf had stolen his heart. How could he not fall in love with someone like Haldir? He was still watching him silently with a small smile on his lips when blue eyes opened slowly to regard him.
Haldir met Faramir’s smile with one of his own. “You are a lovely sight to wake up to,” he murmured, reaching down and threading their fingers together, then bringing their joined hands up between them to place a kiss on Faramir’s knuckles. “How are you feeling? Did the tea and salve help?”
Faramir’s smile grew wider and he squeezed Haldir’s hand in his own. “I was thinking much the same thing… you are so beautiful, Haldir,” he whispered and then nodded. “I do feel better… still a little sore but I think that is to be expected… what about you?”
Blushing at the compliment, Haldir nevertheless felt absurdly pleased. “I feel better as well.” He leaned forward, pressed their lips together and sighed. “I have shared this prison with many others, but none have ever affected me the way you do,” he admitted. “I find myself having feelings I thought I was incapable of anymore.”
“You are even more beautiful when you blush,” Faramir said grinning against Haldir’s lips. His free hand rose to touch Haldir’s chest gently and he sighed softly. “I… I find myself in much the same situation, Haldir… I feel things for you that should not be in so short a time… but I feel them all the same,” he whispered softly. He brushed his lips against soft Elven lips again, a soft kiss that deepened slowly, stealing his breath away.
Haldir’s hands were gentle and loving as they moved over Faramir’s back and arms. He rolled over on his back, pulling Faramir on top of him, the ache in his backside now barely noticeable, as he was lost completely in the kiss. He was getting aroused again simply from the taste of the man in his arms, and to know his feelings were returned made his arousal even quicker to fill and harden. He could feel the coldness of the submission ring around Faramir’s sex as it pressed against his inner thigh, but more than that, he could feel his soon-to-be lover’s rigid flesh pressing against him as well. “Do you still want me?” he murmured between kisses.
Faramir’s arousal grew as Haldir touched him and when he pulled him down on top of him, the feeling of his body warm and hard against his own made him practically ache for him. “I think you can feel that I do,” he teased and shifted his hips just a little, grinding his arousal against Haldir’s thigh. He leaned down and captured Haldir’s lips as his hand moved between them to wrap around the hard length there. “You are sure you feel well enough? Would… would you rather take me?” he asked softly, worried that Haldir might be in pain from earlier that day.
Shifting his hips and grinding their arousals together, Haldir smiled, ignoring the clink of their submission rings as they touched. “I would love to take you… later tonight,” he said softly. “For now, though, I am still slick from the salve and open… and gods, I want to feel you inside me. It has been so long since I’ve been taken with anything other than hatred and anger, I have almost forgotten what it feels like.”
Faramir moaned softly as their bodies moved together and closed his eyes as Haldir spoke of almost forgetting what it felt like to be made love to instead of taken without choice like they were here. His hips shifted against Haldir, not really wanting to move away because it felt so good but finally pushed himself up to settle between Haldir’s legs. He reached for oil they had used on some of the welts on their backs the day before and coated his fingers and his own length liberally. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the inside of Haldir’s thigh and then let his fingers trail upwards, careful to avoid the ring and the piercing as his fingers found their way to their target. Slowly he circled the muscles still slick with the salve and pushed inside gently.
Haldir let out a shaking breath as his body was breeched, this time because of his request. Already he could see his lover’s length straining against the ring around the root, and shifted his legs even further apart in anticipation. The fingers inside him explored as the Elf pushed his hips down, driving the digits in deeper, his eyes never leaving Faramir’s face. “More, love… you won’t hurt me, I promise.”
Faramir’s heart jumped in his chest when Haldir called him ‘love’ and smiled as he continued to prepare him, drawing back to add a third finger to help stretch him and make sure that this time there would be no pain and no blood if he could help it at all. “Gods, Haldir, I want you so much… you are so beautiful,” he whispered as he continued to stretch the tight muscles around his fingers. When he could move them easily, Faramir drew away and watched Haldir’s face for a moment. “You are sure about this… promise you are not in pain?”
Gazing up into concerned blue eyes, Haldir smiled and shook his head. “I promise,” he whispered. He leaned up, reached between them and stroked Faramir’s length several times before guiding it against his well-prepared opening. Slowly, he pulled his hand forward, feeling the tip breech his body, then moved his hand away. “Please, Faramir. Just… just go slow.”
Faramir sucked in a breath when Haldir’s hand wrapped around him and guided him that way. Gods, he had never felt such desire and a sense of protectiveness at the same time before. The heat and tightness around the head of his shaft was almost enough to send him over the edge but he managed to concentrate on keeping himself from losing control too quickly. Ever so slowly he began to sink forward, inch by inch burying himself in the heat of Haldir’s body. Each movement of their bodies together seemed to feel more perfect than the last and after long moments he was buried deep inside his lover when he stopped and waited for Haldir’s body to adjust around him. Faramir’s lips sought out Haldir’s, kissing him over and over again, savoring each other as they fit together so perfectly.
Haldir’s hands rested on Faramir’s thighs as his body adjusted, but were soon moving up and over his arms and shoulders. Long legs parted even further to wrap around his lover’s waist, pulling the heated flesh even deeper inside. The slight soreness he’d felt from his earlier abuse was barely noticeable – as embarrassing as it was to admit, he’d grown used to being taken many times every day, and rarely stayed for long. Even had his skin still felt agonizing to the touch, and had his entrance burned like fire, however, he would still have reveled in this moment. It was the first time he’d made love in 8 years, and it was amazing, different… perfect. “Move, Faramir… please. Let me feel you,” the Elf whispered as he lifted his head and captured Faramir’s lips in a deep, warm kiss.
The soft words prompted Faramir to move, but he did so slowly, not daring to move too quickly. His lips brushed lightly against perfect skin, his tongue tracing the length of Haldir’s neck and back up to his ear. “Gods, we fit perfectly together,” he whispered softly. He forgot everything, where they were, what had been done to them both; the lingering pain left behind… all of it was blocked from his mind as his pleasure grew within him. Making love to Haldir was the most incredible feeling he’d ever known. It was as if they were a part of one another as they moved together. Faramir’s hands traced over his lover’s body and down until his hand wrapped around the arousal trapped between them. He began to stroke slowly, matching the languid pace he’d set up.
Haldir had completely forgotten what it was like to be taken so tenderly after being so roughly abused for so long. And, gods, he was so close – just on the edge of letting go, of not having to bite back his cries of pleasure as he came for once. Oh, the guards had great fun mocking the arousal that invariably grew either from the stimulation alone as they used him or from Dorvane’s wickedly manipulated submission ring, so he usually found his release often while he was being taken. It was always to Haldir’s great shame that his body betrayed him so cruelly, but now, with Faramir, his reactions were not shameful, not humiliating. Faramir seemed to know just how and where to touch him, even at just what speed and firmness to stroke his weeping flesh to bring him the most pleasure possible. His fingers dug into Faramir’s shoulders and his back arched up off the bed as he panted for air, his inner muscles tightening and releasing around the flesh buried inside him and his cock thrusting into the delicious heat of Faramir’s fist. “Close… so close…” he moaned, never wanting the moment to end, but knowing he couldn’t last much longer.
The look in Haldir’s eyes, coupled with the way his body moved under Faramir’s and the sound of his soft moans were all combining with the heat and tightness around his shaft to drive him to the edge. His hips continued to move slowly, thrusting deep and drawing back again until he was almost free of his lover’s body before sinking forward again but each thrust seemed to become just a little faster a little less controlled as Faramir’s desire and passion began to build. He too was close when Haldir moaned and his movements became more erratic, unable to keep the controlled slow pace any longer. Faramir’s mouth captured Haldir’s in a deep, searing kiss and soon he was dancing just on the edge of oblivion. “Oh Gods, come with me…” he whispered as he drew away for breath.
Haldir needed no further encouragement. The kiss and the softly spoken words were more than enough. The flesh in Faramir’s hand swelled even further and began to pulse as Haldir cried out his lover’s name and came hard between them, painting Faramir’s hand and both their stomachs and chests. It seemed as if his entire body spasmed around Faramir as he continued to thrust, hitting Haldir’s sweet spot every time and drawing out his orgasm, intensifying each wave of pleasure until the golden Elf didn’t even have the breath in him to moan again. He could do nothing more than cling to Faramir, burying his face against his lover’s neck and muffling the helpless-sounding whimpers that would have embarrassed him in any other time or any other circumstance.
The way that Haldir called out his name and the way his body clenched around him as the obvious pleasure washed over his lover triggered Faramir’s release. He cried out, thrusting deep one last time as the clenching passage drew out the moment until he could hardly breathe. The pleasure that danced through his entire being seemed directly tied to Haldir’s… as if they were truly one and sharing in this moment as no others could. His body lowered slowly against Haldir’s as his arms wrapped around and held him, pressing soft kisses against his neck between panting breaths. “Gods,” he whispered as he tried to gather himself enough to think. “The most beautiful sight I have ever seen.” It was true he had never seen anything more beautiful than Haldir in those last moments.
Long arms and legs wrapped around Faramir’s body, holding him close as Haldir’s eyes closed. He nodded and smiled, simply enjoying each sweet kiss that rained down on his skin… another pleasure he had almost forgotten since his capture. “Aye,” he murmured, “you are.” He was still trembling with exhaustion after his orgasm, but held fast to his lover, not ready for him to pull away just yet. He found himself dreaming, speaking without thinking, not even trying to reign in his thoughts or feelings. “You know, I can imagine us like this, in another time, another place… having found each other, fallen in love, and living happily ever after. We would make love under the moonlight and the stars, in our talan or our cabin or our castle, and spend a moment every day thanking the Valar for our happiness…”
Faramir smiled at the sweet thoughts and pressed his lips against Haldir’s gently. “You have a wonderful imagination… though I can see it too. Together in another place, knowing nothing but happiness and love,” he whispered. Perhaps one day it could be true? If they could somehow escape together, if they could get away they could have all of that. After a few moments he felt himself begin to soften and slipped carefully from within his lover and reached for a soft cloth on the nightstand. “Do you think that a person can fall in love in a place like this… in so short a time?” he asked softly as he cleaned away the evidence of their lovemaking.
Haldir smiled and reached out to let his fingertips trace over Faramir’s thigh as he cleaned them. “Aye,” he said so softly, it was almost as if he were talking to himself. “I think that one cannot control their heart, or tell it when and who to love. The heart wants what it wants.” His eyes spoke of everything he felt, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted Faramir to look into them or not at the moment, as he knew his soul was laid bare before this man he barely knew but already loved. “Do you believe it?”
Faramir smiled at Haldir’s words and nodded. And what if my heart wants you? “I do believe they can… I think no matter what the circumstances are when someone meets the person who stirs their soul, they will fall in love,” he whispered and looked up into sparkling blue eyes. He paused for a moment, hoping that the look in Haldir’s eyes was the same feelings he felt reflected there. “Just as I have fallen in love with you.”
Haldir sat up and felt his heart flip in his chest. He lifted one hand to cup Faramir’s face and gently let his thumb run over soft, full lips that were still swollen from their earlier kisses. He shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t say this, because he would never leave this place, they could never have a life together. But his heart was stronger than his will at the moment, and he said exactly what he was feeling. “Well, then, I suppose that makes us even,” he said as his eyes searched his lover’s. “Because I just realized that I have fallen in love with you as well.”
Faramir’s smile spread across his face and he impulsively kissed Haldir – a happy kiss that seemed to be so strange given the situation they were in, yet perfect and right at the same time. He felt so incredibly lucky to be there with Haldir, yet they were in a prison with little chance for the happiness they both longed for. There had to be a way… someday there would be a chance for them to get away. “I know it seems strange to be glad I am here, but if not I would not have met you so… I have to believe I am here for a reason and that we… somehow will have a future together,” Faramir whispered as he pressed happy kisses against his lover’s lips and cheek.
Wishing he had Faramir’s faith, Haldir looked away and closed his eyes. Gods, what had they done? Now it would be even harder to watch each other suffer, though at least they could offer love as well as comfort during this, the most trying time of their lives. He should explain to Faramir why he could never escape, why they could never have any kind of a life together, why he would always be a prisoner here… but… not now. Right now, he couldn’t bear to erase the hope that sparkled in the beautiful blue eyes before him. Besides, Faramir could escape, and because he loved him, Haldir would do everything in his power to help him to do so… even if it meant they would lose one another forever. “Lie down with me,” he whispered as he slid beneath the blankets and opened his arms. “Lie down and tell me about the life we should be leading.”
Faramir smiled and sank into Haldir’s arms, grateful that somehow in such a dark place they had one another. It would be difficult knowing each day either of them could be taken and beaten or raped or even both of them and he knew that there were things that Dorvane or the other guards might force them to do to one another… but at least now they would share the secret between them that they loved one another. No matter what they were forced to do… that love would be their light in the darkness. “Well… first of all we would be happy, in a place surrounded by woods… beautiful and quiet… perhaps a stream nearby and books. We would have lots and lots of books…” Faramir began telling Haldir of what he envisioned their lives could be.
Chapter 7
When they came the next morning Dorvane took Faramir alone, leaving Haldir behind in their rooms. The whole time Faramir was walking toward whatever cell they decided to use that day he worried about Haldir and how not knowing what was happening would affect him. Because Faramir knew how he would react if it were the other way around. He would be practically climbing the walls with worry.
As they entered the chamber and he saw all the different ‘toys’ that Dorvane loved so much he felt his stomach twist and prayed it would all be over quickly.
It wasn’t over quickly.
Hours later Faramir was dragged by two guards back to their rooms, his body bruised and bleeding as he was unceremoniously thrown in the door, much like the first day he’d met Haldir. He crumpled to his knees, his watery legs unable to hold him.
From the moment they’d taken Faramir, Haldir had paced the room like a caged animal. He’d fought them, tried to get them to take him instead of Faramir, but the guards had their orders and there was nothing he could do as he watched Faramir being dragged away.
It was the longest, most horrible day of his life.
When other prisoners had been taken, he’d felt for them, tended to them afterward, but this… Gods, this waiting and not knowing was far, far worse than anything they could possibly do to him.
Hours later, when the door opened, he practically flew across the room, catching Faramir just as his knees hit the floor. The guards withdrew, smirking, but Haldir paid them no mind as he wrapped his arms around his lover.
“You’re safe now. It’s over,” he murmured.
Faramir startled when strong arms wrapped around him and he almost pulled away in fear until he realized it was Haldir. His throat was raw from screaming and his mouth was dry but he licked his lips and took a painful breath. He couldn’t speak though, Gods, he couldn’t tell Haldir everything they had done to him. Dorvane saying he’d been remise in his treatment the last few days and making up for it today. The greatest shame of it was that the man had made him come more than once, forced it from him using the submission ring and toys and his body betrayed him. Just knowing he was back with Haldir helped more than anything could. “He is worn out now… he will not come for you today at least.”
Tears that had gathered behind Haldir’s eyes slipped free at Faramir’s softly spoken promise. “I would give anything if he had worn himself out on me instead of you,” he whispered, gently picking his lover up in his arms and cradling him close. He wasn’t sure what had been done or where he was injured – Dorvane liked to hurt both the obvious and the not-so-obvious places – so he moved as slowly and carefully as he could.
“I’ve kept the bath warm for you and heated the blankets for the bed, and I have plenty of tea and salve and…” Haldir sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding Faramir against him. He took a deep breath and tried to focus, knowing he needed to do what he could to help. “What did they do?”
When had been thinking that he did not deserve the love that Haldir had for him. But there was no mistaking what lay in worried blue eyes, love and concern and pain. “They…” his voice hitched and he shook his head as he tried to take a deep breath. “Probably no different than what they have done to others, probably even you,” he said after a moment. “I think a bath… it will sting but I’d like a bath, I feel… dirty everywhere. They used things and… Gods, I didn’t want to but… they made me…” he shut his eyes tight. “More than once they made me come, even through the submission ring, used it… and used all manner of things I’ve never even seen before. And… and I had to…” His words trailed off and he shook his head.
Haldir’s jaw clenched in anger at the guards and at Dorvane in particular as Faramir described what had been done to him. He was in an impossible position – either he killed Dorvane and his men and condemn his brothers to a lifetime of suffering or he sat here day after day and watched Faramir be tortured and used in ways he knew all too well. He stood on somewhat shaky legs and carried Faramir over to the bath; still pressing soft kisses against his skin. “The part where they made me… where I found release… was always the worst for me too,” he whispered. “I felt like my body wasn’t my own, that it betrayed me. But there is nothing you can do to stop it – it is natural and uncontrollable, and, despite their taunting, it is nothing to be ashamed of, Faramir.” He leaned over and dipped his fingers in the water, making sure it was still warm then lowered Faramir into the water.
Faramir nodded as Haldir spoke of his body betraying him. That was exactly how it felt. “I know… in my mind I know.” he shrugged.
When Haldir lowered him into the water, Faramir hissed, the welts on his back, thighs and buttocks stinging just as he thought they would. He closed his eyes against the pain of it, but grateful at the same time to wash away the sweat, semen and blood and the smell of them. His wrists were raw as were his ankles from the thing they’d had him tied over, and his groin ached from the lingering effects of the submission ring and the rough handling. “I…” he paused. “I need to wash my mouth out.” He said the words looking down at the water, embarrassed beyond anything else that he’d had to pleasure Dorvane with his mouth. It had sickened him, but the magic of that damned ring had made him want it, even though his mind rebelled against it all.
Haldir nodded sadly and pressed a kiss to Faramir’s forehead before standing and crossing over to the small table in the next room. He knew just how Faramir was feeling and was prepared to deal with that as well. Eight years is a long time to perfect salves and teas and experiment with herbs, and he’d prepared a special bundle of herbs he used to rinse his own mouth of the foul taste the guards left behind, and a strong mint tea to follow. He brought the tray with him and sat beside the bath offering the first tea, and then a larger cup to spit in. “This will help, then you can lay back and rest while I wash you.”
Faramir felt guilty for a moment as Haldir kissed his forehead. He shouldn’t touch him at all, not with him still stinking of them. He watched as Haldir left the room and returned with a tray and took the tea that was offered. Once he was finished rinsing his mouth several times he laid back against the side of the tub, groaning just a bit as the welts on his back reminded him again of his abuse. “I cannot fathom how anyone can derive pleasure from hurting someone just to do it,” he whispered and then looked up at Haldir. “This probably isn’t the worst they will ever do to me either… that is the horrible thing isn’t it? Waiting and wondering what next,” he whispered as his hands curled into fists under the water.
Haldir dipped a washcloth under the water and carefully began wiping Faramir’s face. “I wish I could tell you no, but… they are cruel and sadistic, and there seems to be no end to the pain they want to see us in.” The cloth was already turning red as he dipped it beneath the water again and gently wiped at Faramir’s neck and chest. “I thought some of the things they’d done to me were the lowest moments of my life, but that was nothing compared to knowing they were doing those things to you… and that I was helpless to stop them.” His voice caught in his throat and he placed the towel on the side of the bath and took his lover’s hand, slowly unfurling his clenched fingers. “I wish I had Saruman’s power, and I could heal you, or kill them with the wave of my staff, or… or something.”
Faramir frowned as he stared down at the water. “I had thought that you would feel that way when I left with them. Because I know how I felt when they took you and I was forced to lay in bed and pretend to be asleep,” he sighed and looked up at Haldir as his hand was caught in gentle Elven hands. “Gandalf always said if he had a son he would have chosen me… too bad I am not really his son and we would both be gone from this place,” Faramir said sadly.
Haldir’s fingertips traced invisible designs over Faramir’s hand as an idea began to form in his mind. Falling in love had been beyond both their control. It made things easier in some ways, knowing that loving hands and sweet kisses awaited them after their ‘games’, but Gods, it was worse to know and watch the one you love being taken away for Dorvane and his men to torture and rape. He was strong; he had withstood eight years of torture and abuse, but this, watching Faramir in so much pain, was tearing at his very soul.
Deciding to think on it later, when his lover slept, Haldir kissed each fingertip and tried to smile. “Gandalf would be horrified to learn what Saruman has turned into,” he said softly. “I think Gandalf would manage to defeat Saruman if he knew how black the old wizard’s heart has turned.” He slowly went back to his task of cleaning Faramir as he spoke, but noticed his lover still looked uncomfortable. “Where does it hurt worse?”
Faramir nodded in agreement when Haldir spoke of Gandalf being horrified by all this. He sighed and tried to offer a small smile. “No place really worse than another,” he whispered softly. They had taken him roughly but hadn’t caused him to bleed this time, thankfully, but they had drawn enough blood with the whip they used on him. “Everything just stings where the cuts are and bruises… my stomach is sore but I’ll be fine now that I’m back here with you.”
A small, sad smile touched Haldir’s lips. “Let’s get you dried off then and you can drink the tea while I apply the salve,” he said, helping Faramir to stand. Then we can curl up in bed and you can tell me more about all the life we can share after we escape this place… and when you get tired of talking, I will tell you about the talan we would have in Lothlórien… it could be our summer place.” He knew there would be no talan, no cottage – no life together, but held fast to the idea that the hope of such places might serve to make Faramir stronger.
Faramir’s smile brightened as Haldir spoke of a future for them, and he stood on somewhat steadier legs than before. He held tight to Haldir’s arm as he stepped out of the tub and soft towels were wrapped around him. He went to the bed and sat down gingerly as he waited for Haldir.
Haldir handed Faramir the tea and urged him to drink it as he began applying the salve to the cuts on his face and arms and the insides of his thighs. From the welts and cuts alone, he knew just what instruments had been used, and he knew they had shown Faramir no mercy that day. “When it was just me, I could accept this,” he murmured, setting the teacup down when his lover finished and helping him to lie on his stomach. “But no more. Not even for my brothers. We must find a way to get yo… to get out of this place.”
Faramir drank the tea as Haldir began to tend him with the salve on the front part of his body where he’d been whipped and then once he was finished rolled onto his stomach, feeling sore from the punches the guards had enjoyed giving him as he’d been tied. “There has to be a way,” Faramir whispered. “I know Saruman’s magic is strong but there has to be a way around it. No one is perfect, we just have to find the errors,” he whispered. He hissed a few times as particularly raw and sore welts were treated and finally settled into speaking of a future. “When we are free of this place I want to take you walking in the woods somewhere beautiful, just the two of us… outside. I know it has been less than a week since I have felt the breeze on my face or the sun on my skin but I’d like to give that to you Haldir, the sun and the stars… everything,” he whispered.
“Everything,” Haldir repeated as he pressed a kiss over one of the deeper welts that ran across Faramir’s lower back. For a moment, he let himself dream. “I want the stars to see us kiss, and the fog to wrap around us as we spend all night on the highest mountains making love, and the trees to protect us from the rain as I explore every perfect, beautiful inch of your body.” He finally finished and lay beside Faramir, resting one hand on the side of his face. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to the corner of his lover’s mouth. “Perhaps we can find a way to make you forget everything that has happened here.”
Faramir wasn’t sure if Haldir would want to kiss him despite having cleaned his mouth of Dorvane’s filth and looked down. “I know you may not want to kiss me now… after… after what happened but I do miss your kisses,” he whispered sadly. Now he understood why Haldir worried he would not want him after they had taken him the day before. Now Faramir understood completely.
Haldir’s thumb brushed over Faramir’s cheek and he gently turned his lover just enough so that they were facing, but no pressure was put on his injuries. “Meleth, I would want to kiss you even if you had licked a balrog’s toes,” he teased softly. “Or even if you had kissed that Gollum-creature for days on end, I would still long for your lips. Nothing will ever make me say no to any precious part of yourself you offer to me… I promise you that.”
Faramir found himself laughing which was such an odd thing in such a place wasn’t it? But it felt good to laugh and even better to be loved so much. “I think I’ll pass on both,” he grinned and leaned closer. “I love you, Haldir… I know it happened quickly but know that I am more sure of my love for you than I am of anything I’ve ever known,” he whispered as his lips gently brushed against his lover’s.
Gently wrapping his arms around Faramir, Haldir pulled him closer and simply kissed and nuzzled against soft lips and bath-warmed skin. “I love you, too,” he murmured, kissing his lover again before he could respond or think too much about his words. Their kisses deepened, and Haldir knew Faramir most likely would be thinking this was going to lead to more… which obviously he was in no shape to share at the moment. “Just kisses, guren,” he whispered, trying to get Faramir to relax against him. “Just kisses…”
Haldir’s words ‘just kisses’ touched Faramir more than they probably should have. He wanted of course to be with Haldir but the only thing they could share without pain at the moment were kisses. They carefully snuggled against one another, Haldir careful not to touch Faramir anywhere it may hurt, and Faramir grateful for the care that his lover took with him. “One day we will be in a place without pain and we can share everything with each other anytime we want,” Faramir whispered softly, certain that one day they would somehow escape.
The golden Elf closed his eyes and buried his face in Faramir’s hair as he smiled sadly. Gods, if only that where true! If only they could be together in such a place, in such a time. Rather than dash Faramir’s hopes, however, he simply pulled the blankets snug around them, careful to keep it from hitting Faramir’s back and nodded. “Now… tell me more about this library in Gondor…”
Chapter 8
After the day they had taken Faramir the pair were left alone for a few days allowing Faramir’s body to heal. During that time the encampment had been too busy to focus on their slaves, a battle taking place several miles away had insured that even Dorvane was occupied. Though that time to rest and heal left the pair worried what sort of mindset Dorvane and the others would return with. Would they simply want release and take them quickly making it easier on them in the long run or would they want to take their aggression out? Neither idea was pleasing but the first at least meant a lot less pain.
Their questions would soon be answered. About mid morning, Faramir and Haldir were curled in the floor reading when the door was unceremoniously kicked open.
Haldir jerked, then automatically moved in front of Faramir as his gaze met Dorvane’s. Over the past few days, he’d come up with an idea that might spare Faramir the pain and humiliation of being a slave, but he needed to speak to Dorvane alone. The Elf stood, never breaking their gaze, and hoped for all the world his ‘master’ would forget about Faramir and leave him alone. “I knew it was about time for you to return,” he said, moving toward the door and praying Faramir would stay where he was. “Which room are we going to today?”
Faramir stood with Haldir and frowned when his lover moved in front of him, he knew that it pained Haldir to see them hurt him but it was the same for Faramir. He couldn’t stand the thought of them taking Haldir alone, not knowing what was happening, not able to offer any comfort to him as he was trapped in their room.
Dorvane merely smirked evilly at the Elf. “Does it really matter which room it is?” he said shrugging. All of them had instruments to torture his slaves. “Come on, I haven’t got all day!” he barked and noticed that the Elf continued to block the Ranger from his sight. “Both of you.” With that he turned and stalked out and left two guards behind to flank the prisoners.
Haldir hung his head in defeat as Dorvane called for them both, then reached back and took his lover’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as they made their way down the hallway. The gleeful look in Dorvane’s eyes told Haldir that his plan might work, but there was no way he could mention it in front of Faramir. There was nothing to say as they walked, so he simply took a deep breath and tried to give his lover his most encouraging look, wishing he could promise that everything would be all right, but knowing that he could not.
Faramir took a deep breath, relieved that Dorvane had asked for them both so he would not to endure the pain of not knowing. He took Haldir’s hand when offered and squeezed it gently, letting him know that he was there for him no matter what happened today. It had been so nice the last few days, the two of them just enjoying one another’s company. They passed through the doorway and Faramir felt the magic of its enchantment make him stronger the lingering pain from his rough treatment days before now gone completely. Only to be replaced today no doubt.
When they arrived in the room that Dorvane chose, he could feel Haldir’s hand tighten on his, obviously recognizing the room. There were sexual toys everywhere it seemed. Some Faramir knew their uses, others he was quite mystified by and some looked so frightening he was afraid to even try to imagine their use. There were two tables made to hold ankles and wrists firmly with metal shackles. There was a curved table that would keep one’s backside lifted while arms and legs were spread wide, similar to the one he’d been strapped to a few days before. They stopped in the center of the room waiting for instructions.
In the far corner, Dorvane motioned his men to pull out yet another table and place it in the middle of the room. It wasn’t long, only about half a man’s height, and there were two stirrups at the end that would obviously lift the prisoners legs up and far apart, leaving his backside to hang on the end of the table… uncomfortable at best, and leaving one horribly and utterly exposed at worst. Several long, thick straps of leather would keep the body immobile and the arms out to the side, giving the prisoner no movement at all. Haldir stared toward the table… one he hadn’t seen in several years, thank the Valar, but he was stopped abruptly as Dorvane turned the small dial that controlled the Ring around Haldir’s genitals.
“Not you… the other one,” Dorvane said softly as Haldir almost fell to his knees in pain at the sudden jolt of fire that ran through his cock and balls.
Faramir watched as the table was drug across the room and felt his stomach lurch just from the idea that it brought to mind. He felt Haldir inch forward beside him, as if going to the contraption automatically… likely he had seen it before. Faramir felt his heart ache for his lover and then suddenly Dorvane used the ring against the Elf. His hand stayed with Haldir’s offering him as much support as he could even though his fingers were being crushed. He had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from screaming at Dorvane to stop as he rushed forward, hoping to please the evil man by getting onto the table quickly. His eyes were wide and worried as his gaze caught Haldir’s, seeing his lover’s eyes watering from the pain of the ring.
Dorvane kept the pain level up on Haldir’s ring continuously until the guards had strapped Faramir onto the table and spread his legs far enough apart so that his thigh muscles began to ache immediately. When he was completely immobile, a quick turn of the dial made Haldir’s pain disappear, though from the look the Elf gave him, Dorvane knew that he would never get within a hundred leagues of the Elf without the Ring’s controller in his possession. Haldir looked as if he could tear him from limb to limb – a look he’d never seen as intensely as he did now, when it wasn’t only him he was hurting, but his precious Ranger as well.
“Now,” he said, working hard at not letting his guards hear the slight undercurrent of anxiety in his voice at the Elf’s hateful blue eyes, “you two are going to put a show on for us.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a long string that had 5 thick balls attached, each one bigger than the other. “You, Elf, are going to put these in your little friend’s ass, and then fuck him while we watch…” With that, he threw the beads toward Haldir, who was already shaking his head and trying to back away. He could have so easily killed most of the guards in the room, were it not for that damnable ring around his cock and the knowledge of what would happen to Rúmil and Orophin if he did so. But those reasons were quickly holding less and less power over him.
Faramir winced as the guards roughly strapped him to the table, his newly healed body already starting to ache again. He looked up to see that Dorvane was still fingering the ring that controlled Haldir’s submission ring not understanding why he was using it now. He gritted his teeth as his arms were pulled away from his body and strapped in and then watched wide eyed as Haldir tried to back away as he caught the beads. Faramir could easily see their size and his stomach clenched at the thought of how painful it would be to have the largest of them inside him while his lover took him. He tried to hope the pleasure of it being Haldir taking him would help but he worried that even that might not be enough.
Haldir was well acquainted with the beads. They were painful enough by themselves, but to be taken with them inside was pure torture. He shook his head, dropped the beads and met Dorvane’s gaze with so much hatred, the room seemed to vibrate with it. “No. I will not do that to him.”
Dorvane flipped the dial on the device in his hand and Haldir bit back a scream, feeling as if he testicles were going to explode. Gritting his teeth, he struggled to stay standing, aided only by the guards holding his arms. “No.”
When Haldir refused Dorvane, Faramir saw the look on the man’s face, saw his eyes turn darker and harder than he’d ever seen them before and then saw Haldir’s pain. He knew that the Elf was in excruciating pain, he had to be, and just the mildest setting hurt horribly but Dorvane was being exceedingly cruel in his anger at being refused. He hadn’t even realized he was screaming until he heard his own voice echo in the room, begging Dorvane to stop.
Dorvane looked around and laughed then. “The Elf refuses to scream but you do it for him,” he smirked and released the ring tormenting Haldir. “Maybe he will scream for you too then,” he said with a sadistic grin as he turned the ring on his finger that controlled Faramir’s submission ring. Startled by the turn of events and the fact Dorvane had twisted it to almost the highest setting, Faramir screamed, his body unable to move into the fetal position it wished to curl into. It felt almost as if he were being ripped in half and he felt bile rise up in his throat from the pain.
It was Faramir’s scream that finally brought Haldir to his knees, if only for a moment. He realized Dorvane was using his greatest weakness against him, and knew that even the little ‘game’ he’d wanted to force them to play would be nothing compared to the pain Faramir was in from that ring around his already swollen flesh. He made a desperate attempt to rush Dorvane, forgetting for a moment about the consequences, but the guards had doubled up on him, and since he was still weak from his own pain, he stood little chance. “Stop! I will do it! I will do it!” He wasn’t certain his voice could be overhead over Faramir’s cries, so he screamed the words again so loudly it made his throat ache.
Dorvane’s smile widened as he heard the Elf’s voice screaming desperately. “Yes, you will… or I will make sure the Ranger knows nothing but pain for the rest of his miserable life,” he released the ring then and Faramir saw darkness close around him for a moment, almost passing out and wishing desperately that he had. Tears were streaming from his face for both their sakes and he simply closed his eyes to try to think of anything but the pain still radiating through his body.
Haldir hung his head and shrugged away from the guards, making his way toward his lover. He stopped only once, when Dorvane moved closer, grabbed a handful of his hair and jerked him to a stop, then forced him to pick up the beads. Finally, he was beside the table, ignoring everyone but Faramir and gently kissing away his tears. “I am so sorry meleth,” he whispered. “I never meant for them to take their anger for me out on you.”
When Faramir felt the gentle kisses against his cheek, he opened his eyes and shook his head, the only movement he could really make the way he was strapped down. “Not your fault… he wants to hurt us both,” he whispered breathlessly, still trying to recover from the pain. “This isn’t your fault.”
“Shut up… do what you were told!” Dorvane snapped, jerking Haldir back by his hair again. “Do it now or I will use the ring again… on him.”
Haldir closed his eyes again in both hatred and regret and let his fingers gently trail over Faramir’s skin as he moved down to the end of the table between Faramir’s widespread legs. A small vial of oil was on another table beside him, and he generously slicked each of the balls as quickly as he could, then slicked his fingers. From the corner of his eye, he noticed several of the guards had already began groping one another, having paired up in the past and using the slaves as their own little show to get things started. Others, Dorvane included, were leaning against the wall, their cocks hard and freed from their breeches, their hands stroking the swollen flesh as they waited for the entertainment to begin.
As slowly as he dared, Haldir let his finger move over Faramir’s opening, all the while whispering sweet endearments to him that no one else in the room could hear. He had an idea of how not to cause his lover too much pain, and could only hope Dorvane would be too involved in his own pleasure to notice. Even as he thought about his plan, Dorvane turned the dial to a setting he used only when he wanted Haldir hard, and to the Elf’s shame, he had an erection only moments later, despite the fact that he was getting ready to practically rape the man he loved.
Faramir tried to block out their audience, tried to think beyond the recent pain he’d felt and focus on the fact it was Haldir touching him. That alone helped to calm his nerves, he knew what would take place may be painful, but he was no fool to believe he wouldn’t enjoy at least some of what would happen. He was in love with Haldir and just the touch of his hand against his skin made Faramir’s pulse pick up. Dorvane would not have needed to use the ring on him to grow aroused, though on the legs of his previous pain it might have taken longer. Now however he was growing hard rapidly due to the ring that can bring shameful pleasure or excruciating pain. “It is all right, love,” he whispered softly, his voice so low he knew only Haldir would hear him. When he felt a slick finger press against him, he gasped, shamed that the others were watching them but still unable to not react to Haldir’s touch.
“Imagine us under the trees, making love in the moonlight,” Haldir murmured as he slipped one, then two fingers inside, knowing Dorvane wouldn’t allow him much time. “There is no one but us, and we have spent the day dancing and feasting as everyone in both Gondor and Lothlorien celebrated our commitment ceremony.” His fingers slowly stretched and opened the tight muscle, scissoring and preparing his lover to accept the bead Haldir hated so much. As he continued, describing the warmth or happiness of the day, he added a third finger, but then quickly removed it as he saw Dorvane reach toward his pocket, obviously growing impatient. With shaking hands, he pressed the first ball, the smallest of them all, against Faramir’s entrance, whispered, “I love you,” once more, and carefully pushed it in.
Faramir’s body relaxed as much as his bonds would allow as Haldir spoke of a future time and place for them. His body reacted as slick fingers moved inside him and despite it all he desperately wanted to move and to touch his lover. Instead his fingers curled into his fists and he watched as Haldir took up the beads. The first one of them was not particularly small in itself but his body could easily accommodate it, he gasped as the cool hard surface was pushed into him. It felt strange and though he wished to squirm he couldn’t. “I love you too,” he whispered softly as he tried to keep his breathing steady. For now there was no pain but even if it did hurt, he was determined not to let Haldir see it.
Knowing Dorvane would allow anything that would, to him, make the scene even more erotic, Haldir decided to take a chance and do something he hadn’t been ordered to do. His free hand wrapped around the base of Faramir’s sex and held it steady. He was careful not to block Dorvane’s view, least he punish one or the other of them, but carefully slipped the second, somewhat larger bead inside Faramir’s entrance as he took his lover’s swollen sex into his mouth. At least he could give him some pleasure, if nothing else. He was rewarded with a sharp blow to his backside from Dorvane’s belt, but was only warned to do as he was told from now on. Since he wasn’t told to stop, he simply breathed a sigh of relief and continued, swallowing around the thick tip of his lover’s erection.
Surprised as Haldir began to take his arousal into his mouth, Faramir startled when he heard the sharp slap of leather against his lover’s flesh but then Haldir continued, the second larger bead pushing inside him, just those two almost enough to fill him. A low moan fell from his lips as Haldir’s mouth began to work around his sex, giving him unexpected pleasure. At the moment what was happening, aside from the fear of Dorvane’s rings and being strapped to a table it really wasn’t all that bad. He was with Haldir, the Elf he loved and as long as he didn’t look anywhere but at his lover he could block out everything else. He longed to touch though, Gods, he longed to touch Haldir so much.
Haldir blindly felt for the oil again and slicked the third bead, then rubbed a bit more oil over his lover’s entrance again for good measure. He felt resistance as he pushed it forward, so he paused, coaxing the muscle to open wider and already tightly stretched skin to stretch even more. His thumb worked it’s way inside then around the delicate skin until the third bead slid in with almost no resistance at all. All the while, he worked Faramir’s length with his mouth and tongue, delving into the slit and scraping his teeth lightly over sensitized skin.
Faramir moaned as the third bead was pushed into him, his body not wanting to accommodate the larger size and there were still two more to go after it. He bit his lip and tried to relax his body, grateful that Haldir was trying to move as gently as possible. When his body gave in and the third bead slid into him he gasped from the fullness he felt but then all notions of fullness or being uncomfortable fled when Haldir’s mouth worked his aching flesh. His hips tried to move of their own accord but couldn’t the way he was tied down. Dorvane though was growing impatient. “Hurry up!” he yelled at the pair on the table and the ring turned from pleasantly arousing to painful quickly, drawing a scream from Faramir from the shock of it.
Cursing under his breath, Haldir pulled away from Faramir’s length, knowing what had been pleasurable only a moment before would most likely be painful now. Wrapping his hand around his lover’s shaft and testicles, he applied gentle pressure, knowing it was often the only thing that led to any relief when the ring was at it’s worst. As quickly as possible, he stretched Faramir’s entrance once more, then pushed the next bead in, hoping that in this case, the more quickly he worked, the better it would be for them both. “Almost done, guren,” he whispered softly. “Only one more.”
Faramir’s eyes were burning with unshed tears from the force of the submission ring being used on him in such a moment. What had been feeling wonderful just moments before now felt as if he’d been kicked violently. He gasped when Haldir’s hand wrapped around the throbbing flesh and managed to drag in a ragged breath as he tried to ride out the pain. The worst of it was his muscles had tensed and now his entire lower body ached incredibly. It was several seconds before he could even attempt to relax and soon the fourth bead was being pushed inside him. Faramir was certain it simply wouldn’t fit, his body felt so full already and his muscles were protesting. He shook his head and tried to breathe, his body trying to rebel against what was happening but he was helpless to stop it. He took another breath and nodded when Haldir whispered to him.
Haldir’s eyes teared as well and he wanted nothing more than to just stop, take all the beads away, and kiss and hold his lover. He felt Dorvane moving behind him, however, and felt the kiss of a thin wooden paddle slap across the back of his thighs. The blows were quick and vicious as Dorvane told him they would continue until the last bead was inside. Gritting his teeth, Haldir continued squeezing Faramir’s shaft to alleviate as much pain as possible and despite Dorvane’s punishment, he took the time to slowly work his index finger inside Faramir’s passage, pushing the beads in deeper before attempting to add the last – and largest bead. “Close your eyes, guren, and think of the moonlight,” he murmured, earning him an especially hard blow from Dorvane.
Faramir heard the slap of the paddle against Haldir’s flesh, saw his body move forward from the force of it. Hatred burned brighter inside him as he stared at Dorvane moving behind his lover. He took a deep breath, shuddered involuntarily as the beads were pushed deeper inside him, stretching his passage and filling him uncomfortably. When Haldir whispered to him again he did as he was told. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine anything, any place, anytime but the present as the last and largest bead was pushed inside him, stretching his now tender and sensitive passage more than Faramir thought he could bear. His nails bit into his palms as he curled his hands into tight fists and gritted his teeth praying that fragile skin that had been so abused in the last weeks would not tear now.
Finally, the last bead was in, and Haldir breathed a sigh of relief. All that could be seen was a small black string hanging from his lover’s body, and, seeing that, Dorvane blessedly moved away, back to his position against the wall, his cock back in his hand as he leered at his prisoners. Gentle Elven fingers moved over Faramir’s stomach and the insides of his thighs, doing his best to distract and soothe. “Forgive me Faramir, I am so sorry,” he whispered sadly. “We will be back in our rooms soon and away from these animals.”
Faramir tried to focus on anything but the feeling of being so full and uncomfortable, instead he focused on Haldir’s voice as he spoke so softly. “Nothing… nothing to forgive,” he whispered brokenly, knowing it was not Haldir’s choice to do this to him. His body began to relax a little more, now that Dorvane was no longer using the ring at a painful setting and he licked at dry lips as he tried to take a breath. A deep breath actually made him ache, so he took shallow ones as he waited for what was to come.
“Now… take him,” Dorvane’s voice cut through the room loudly.
Haldir’s swallowed back his hatred of the slavemaster and forced himself not to even look at him. Due to both the submission ring and the fact that he was touching the man he loved so intimately, he was achingly hard, and Dorvane could see that this was no act. He could only pray to the Valar the rest of his plan would work, so at least Faramir would not be in as much pain the guards hoped. Taking a deep breath, he stood up on the step at the bottom of the table Faramir was tied to and leaned over his lover. He purposefully let his hair fall on each side of Faramir’s face, knowing it would enrage Dorvane, and hoping he would come to the head of the table to clear the view. “Act as if I am tearing you apart,” the Elf whispered just before Dorvane did just as expected and grabbed a handful of golden hair and jerked Haldir’s head back roughly. His fingers tangled in the silky locks and he leered at both Man and Elf as he repeated his order, jerking Haldir’s head back and forth several times “Take him!”
Haldir’s gaze met Faramir’s and now, with Dorvane at the head of the table, he couldn’t see what was happening at the other end. Carefully pushing only the head of his arousal into Faramir’s opening so the solitary guard to the side could see them, he then shifted so that his length slid along the crease of his lover’s leg, rather than inside him, moaning as if he was being sheathed completely. The single guard who’d been watching already had his eyes closed and his head back against the wall as he pleasured himself, and Dorvane could see nothing but a furiously thrusting Elf on top of an immobile – and obviously pain-filled Man.
Faramir was confused when Haldir whispered to him and startled when Dorvane stood over them, yanking at Haldir’s hair. Faramir realized then that Haldir was trying to protect him somehow and he cried out when he felt just the tip of his lover’s arousal breech him for only a moment. Then he felt his lover shift and understood. The screams were what this monster wanted to hear so he did, he twisted his hands in the bonds and screamed just as Haldir had told him… as if he was being torn apart. His eyes sank closed tightly as he tipped his head back as far as he could and screamed over and over again as if in complete agony. Dorvane was again working the submission ring on him, making sure that even with the supposed pain Faramir was in that he would not lose his arousal. It was surreal as Haldir panted over him, grinding his body against Faramir’s and he continued to attempt to writhe and cry out.
Dorvane finally released Haldir’s hair and began stroking himself again, the sound of Faramir’s screams driving him to the edge all too quickly. It wasn’t long before low cries could be heard throughout the room as the guards began finding their releases, and Dorvane followed closely behind. “You can stop when you both come,” he panted, drying his hand in Haldir’s hair and smirking as he took a step back, to watch the rest of the show. Haldir tried not to gag at the feeling of the vile man’s release being smeared in his hair, and instead concentrated on his lover. He reached between them and took Faramir’s length in his hand, knowing just how to touch him, even with the ring turned on to it’s current setting. “Come when you can, love,” he whispered. “He will check to be sure…”
Despite everything the beads inside him were nudging against his prostate and the feeling of Haldir’s hand wrapped around him along with the setting Dorvane had chosen for the ring were all combining to bring him close to the edge. His body and mind both seemed confused on how to react to all of the different stimuli. He had managed to block out everything else in the room except Haldir and soon enough he felt his release building. His screams were punctuated with moans mixed in, and he came hard the setting of the ring around him forcing his orgasm to last longer as his body strained against his bonds.
Haldir’s shoulders sagged slightly in relief as Dorvane’s sick little fantasy was almost fulfilled. In his eagerness to keep Faramir aroused, he had forgotten Haldir’s ring and though he was aroused by feeling and touching Faramir beneath him, seeing his lover in pain didn’t exactly get him close to an orgasm of any kind. He was in fact, still hard, but felt that if he didn’t end this now, Dorvane would see what he was really doing, and punish them both. In one smooth motion, he reached down between them and coated the tip of his arousal and the skin surrounding Faramir’s entrance with Faramir’s own seed. He then cried out loudly, as if he’d found his release as well, and buried his face against Faramir’s neck. Gritting his teeth again, he grabbed his own testicles and twisted them as viciously as Dorvane ever had, the pain overriding everything else and making his arousal soften at once. To Dorvane, when he moved to the end of the table, he would see exactly what he expected – a softened and wet organ just pulling out of Faramir’s body, having obviously just spilled deep inside him. Haldir collapsed on top of Faramir, shuddering with pain that he tried to disguise as pleasure, hoping Dorvane wouldn’t look past the obvious.
Faramir was panting, his body aching where his muscles had tensed during his orgasm around the beads inside him. He cringed a little as Haldir cried out, certain it was a cry of pain not passion and wondering at it, though unable to see anything and Dorvane was still at the head of the table. Perhaps he’d used the ring on Haldir? He wasn’t sure; all he knew was that his lover was shuddering against him. His eyes looked up pleadingly at Dorvane and the man laughed evilly before rounding the table and jerking Haldir back by his hair. He inspected the man, satisfied with what he saw before turning from them and going to the door. “You will return to your rooms now and next time you refuse me Elf… remember that you will not be the one punished… the Ranger will be.”
Haldir’s legs were weak beneath him as Dorvane jerked him back, then finally left the room with the other guards. One of the guards tucked himself back in his breeches and laughed at the disheveled Man and Elf before him, especially when he saw that Haldir could barely stand. “I will be back in a quarter of an hour to take you both back to your room. I suggest you make the best of that time and clean yourselves.” With that, he shut the door behind him and locked it, leaving Haldir to lean forward again and rest his head on Faramir’s thigh for a few precious moments. “You need… I need to… get these out,” he whispered trying to hook his fingers in the exposed loop of string that could be seen coming from his lover’s opening, though his hands were shaking too much to grab hold of it the first few times he tried.
Faramir tried to raise his head as much as he could to look at Haldir after the guard left the room. “Are you all right?” he asked softly, worry in his voice as he looked at his lover. The beads inside him were becoming more and more uncomfortable by the moment but right now all he could think of was how pale Haldir was.
Nodding and marveling that Faramir could worry about him after all he’d been through, Haldir began unfastening the straps on his lover’s legs first, then on the one arm he could reach. “Aye,” he said weakly. “I just want to get these things out of you, guren,”
Faramir couldn’t exactly disagree, he wanted the things removed as well, but the look on Haldir’s face had worried him. He gasped when his arm was released, the blood flowing back into it more easily and making it tingle with sharp pains. “Just… just do it slowly,” he whispered his muscles still tight around them.
Breathing deeply to steady himself, Haldir nodded and this time managed to hook his finger in the loop. “Breathe in,” he murmured, gently prying his lover’s opening wider with his fingers. “That’s it, guren, now breathe out…” As Faramir did so, Haldir slowly pulled the string, watching as his entrance resisted, then give way as wrinkled skin smoothed and his opening stretched to an impossible width. The end of the ball could just be seen, and Haldir continued pulling, coaxing it out bit by bit. Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was only a matter of a few moments, the first bead was free. “That was the worst one. The others will not be so bad,” he promised.
Following Haldir’s instructions, Faramir took as deep a breath as he could and breathed out slowly. His free hand clung to the edge of the table as the string was pulled and the first bead began to move inside him, his muscles resisting, his passage swollen around them. He hissed out a breath as he felt it resist before it slowly worked past the guardian muscle. He gasped then, and panted a few more breaths knowing that the others would be easier than that first one. “Keep going, love,” he whispered, preparing himself for the next one.
Haldir nodded grimly and carefully worked the next bead out, encouraging Faramir to breathe, and then slowly exhale as the large ball was expelled. Their passage out was made a bit easier by Faramir’s own seed slicking the way in addition to the oil, and Haldir continued kissing his lover’s thighs and stomach as bead after bead was exposed. When the last one was out, Haldir threw it across the room, then finished untying Faramir, running loving hands over his body to make sure he was all right. “You will be sore, meleth, but there was no tearing and no blood at least,” he said softly as he helped Faramir to sit up and gently rubbed his back.
The removal of the rest of the beads was much easier than that first one and Faramir breathed a deep breath once they were across the room from them. He was sore and his skin burned around his entrance but other than that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Sitting up was painful, both his arms and legs were sore from struggling against the bonds not to mention everything from his waist down hurt for the moment. “I’ll be fine… are you all right? You looked like you were in pain… did he use the ring on you again?” Faramir asked as he rubbed carefully at his wrists that were raw from straining against the leather restraints and leaned into Haldir’s touch.
Haldir pressed his lips to Faramir’s in a chaste kiss and shook his head. “Just at first, to keep me aroused,” he explained. “After that, I think he forgot, when he was so excited in watching me hurt you. I couldn’t… I couldn’t come with you in so much pain, so I just made it look as if I did.” He stopped there, worried that Faramir would think less of him for not being able to finish, and hoped his lover wouldn’t ask for the real reason he’d been in pain.”
“I wasn’t in so much pain, I knew my screams were what he wanted to hear,” Faramir admitted. “If… well if you had not done what you did I would have been in much more pain, but most of my screams were just put on for the most part, except when Dorvane used the ring. That was very real,” he frowned then and looked at Haldir for a moment uncertain as to how Haldir had made it seem that he had come and not entirely pleased with the thoughts that crossed his mind. “We can rest when we get back to our rooms…” he whispered and touched Haldir’s face gently. “Thank you for being so careful and gentle… I know Dorvane punished you for that and while I wish you hadn’t done that… thank you for protecting me.” He brushed his lips gently against Haldir’s and sighed softly. “I love you.”
Haldir wrapped his arms around his lover and held him tight for a moment, releasing him only when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. “I will always protect you, and always love you,” he whispered softly as the door opened and two guards growled for them to come out of the room. Haldir was limping, and kept his arm around his lover as they made their way back to their room. He could think of nothing better than to curl up on the bed with Faramir and try to forget the last hour.
Faramir was concerned about Haldir’s limp, he too was limping as they moved down the hallway, his body still aching but he knew that once they were in their rooms they could lay down and rest and hopefully heal. At least this time there had been no blood. When they were back at their rooms the guards slammed the door behind them and Faramir allowed himself to relax a little more, the knot of worry he always felt around the guards easing immediately. “Come on… you are still in pain too,” Faramir said softly. “Lay down with me and relax.”
Nodding and heading straight to the bed, Haldir pulled the covers back and looked expectantly at his lover. “First let me put some salve on you… I know how much those beads hurt, and I remember how everything from my waist down felt swollen the first time they were used on me.”
Faramir felt a little embarrassed by it but Haldir’s words were true, he did feel swollen and sore. “All right…” he whispered as he lay down carefully on the bed, the action of bending at the waist actually hurting more than he expected it to. He gritted his teeth and rolled onto his stomach, which felt tender where his muscles had contracted and fought against the restraints.
Haldir took the jar of salve he’d made several days earlier and began tending to his lover, treating his arms and legs where he’d been restrained, then his entrance, which was irritated and swollen so much, even touching it caused Haldir himself to wince. He carefully worked the soothing salve inside, however, causing as little pain as possible, and then pressed a kiss to the base of his lover’s back. “There… isn’t that better?” he asked.
Faramir sighed in relief as the cool salve was rubbed on his wrists and ankles, they hadn’t been bleeding this time but they were raw and the salve felt wonderful on them. The next part he knew would hurt… just laying there hurt. He didn’t make a sound but he did jump a little as Haldir touched him, carefully tending the worst of his injuries from this round of ‘play’ for their tormentors. The only thing that made it easier was it had been Haldir touching him, Haldir trying to make it easier for him…he knew it would have been horrible and he would be bleeding if it had been Dorvane. “Much better… thank you, love,” he whispered and looked over his shoulder at his lover for a long moment. They didn’t really need words in that moment; they had just been through yet another of their captors horrible games but here they were… together and for the most part all right.
Smiling and setting the jar aside, Haldir slipped into bed and wrapped his arms around the man he loved. “We made it through another day,” he said softly, as he pressed a kiss to the top of his lover’s head. “Soon we will find a way out of here and live happily ever after.” It was a white lie, but one that made them both feel better at the moment. Tomorrow, or the next day, he felt sure Dorvane would take him alone, and he could make his proposition. In the meantime, he was content to simply enjoy this peaceful time alone with his lover.
Faramir smiled and slid closer to Haldir, sighing softly as he felt soft lips press against him. “We will… one day we will, love,” he whispered certain that there would be a time that they could find escape from this place. He fell asleep a short time later, not even intending to but his body was so tired from all that had happened that day.
Chapter 9
When the guards came, Faramir worried as he always did if he would be chosen to go alone or with Haldir or if Haldir would be the one to go alone. He hated wondering and worrying and always prayed it would be him alone so that Haldir would be spared. He knew that Haldir was stronger than him and more accustomed to what they did after eight years in this place but Faramir loved him too much to be logical about it.
When the guards said he would go alone he saw the anger flash in Haldir’s eyes, saw him wishing to protest. “I’ll be fine,” he whispered and squeezed his lover’s hand tight before leaving with the guards. He was not certain he would be fine but he’d said the words at least for Haldir’s comfort and perhaps even his own.
When they arrived in one of the many ‘play rooms,’ Faramir meekly followed the instructions the guards gave him. They didn’t tie him up immediately, first they gave him something to drink and he looked at them oddly.
“You will drink this… you will drink all of it,” one of the guards said handing him the glass as Dorvane stood aside watching.
Haldir, as usual when Faramir was taken alone, began pacing the room before the door even closed. He hated watching his lover suffer, but not knowing was, in some ways, in worse. As he paced, he tried to concentrate on a way to get Faramir out of this place, even if it mean convincing him they would both escape… and Haldir, at the last moment, would stay for his brother’s sake. Even though he was almost sure Rúmil and Orophin had sailed by now, he couldn’t sentence them both to the life he’d led for the past 8 years, and felt certain that if they were anywhere but in Aman, Saurman would find them. But that didn’t mean he had any obligation to help them keep Faramir here.
After a few moments, he stopped, stared at the fire and sighed. “Gods, guren, don’t let them break you. When you leave this place, I still want you to be able to have a full and happy life.”
Faramir drank the mixture the guard gave him and almost immediately began to feel light headed. He didn’t bother to ask what it was, what would be the point? If it was poison, then this was the end of him, though he doubted they would get rid of him yet.
They led him over to one of the tables in the room and told him to lie face down which he did, knowing they would tie him. It wasn’t one of the tables he’d be on before though was similar he supposed in most aspects. His arms were tied down and his legs were braced far apart, his backside lifted slightly as they were tied too. The whole time he tried to concentrate only on Haldir, only on thoughts of their escape and being together free from things like this.
The drink they had given him seemed to be spreading throughout his body now, his skin felt warmer despite the damp cool air around him and he was starting to feel his body reacting as if to some outside stimulus but it had to be the potion. He looked up at Dorvane and the man simply stared at him for a moment before moving behind him.
Faramir was starting to feel uncomfortable as his body for some reason reacted to Dorvane’s and he began to grow hard, seemingly of his own accord though the last person he wanted in this world was Dorvane! Faramir was completely stunned and ashamed when his captor touched the back of his thigh and he jumped slightly from just that stimulation. “What did you give me?” he finally asked, realizing it was not him doing this but the potion he’d been given.
Dorvane laughed when Faramir finally questioned him. “My favorite potion of Saruman’s… it will make you want to be taken, make you mad for it… no matter who it is you’ll want them desperately. You may even enjoy it too if you can stand how long it lasts,” he said laughing evilly. “It will keep you hard and wanting long after I’ve tired of you.”
Faramir closed his eyes, already feeling the effects of the drug in his system making his body begin to ache for release even though the idea appalled him to want Dorvane, at that moment he did want the man. Wanted anyone who could bring him the release he was starting to feel he needed. He hadn’t even been touched but Gods he needed.
An hour later he was still in desperate need for release, his balls ached and his hips continued to move even after an exhausted Dorvane pulled away from him roughly and smacked him hard on the backside. Two more guards took him, and the entire time Faramir was practically begging them for release, his hips would move back to meet them needing the friction needing to fly over that edge but never quite able to. The drug held him in thrall not allowing him to gain full physical release. He cried out when the last guard pulled away panting and he was begging Dorvane to do something, anything to end this for him. The dark haired man only laughed and shook his head. “Nothing can be done until the drug wears off,” he laughed and then leaned over him, holding up a long plug that had a chain attached to it. He inserted it inside the well used passage, laughing when the man’s back arched in pleasure. He so loved using that drug on his prisoners. He could not use it often, Saruman forbid him to use it on a prisoner more than a few times in an entire year but that in itself made him love it all the more.
When he was finished attaching the chain to Faramir’s piercing he slapped him hard on the rear again and laughed when the man pushed back against his hand. “You want it so badly still… like a cat in heat but I am not ready to ruin you yet… and it would be easy to do with this drug. Take him back to his room,” he addressed the guards then.
Faramir was hard and aching still as he was half dragged to his room, his arousal jutted out in front of him, shaming him, and each step made the plug inside him rub hard against his prostate. Gods, he was nearly mad with it now, he needed to come so badly nothing else mattered, not even the soreness he felt in his backside each time muscles clamped around the plug buried inside him.
He stumbled a little when he was thrown in the door. He felt vulnerable and needy at the same time as he stood before Haldir in a state he really should not be in after what had taken place.
Haldir startled when the door to their rooms opened and Faramir was pushed inside. With one look, he knew what they’d done. His lover’s face was flushed and he was breathing hard, unable to stand still, and his erection was full and hard as it curved up against his stomach, swollen far past the point of mere arousal. From the angle he was standing, he could see the base of the plug firmly planted deep inside Faramir’s passage, and the chain that disappeared between his legs, one end hooked to the plug and the other to his piercing. Every step would jolt the plug, and in turn, pull on the ring that was still embedded in the tender skin at the base of Faramir’s balls, giving him a mixture of both pleasure and pain that Haldir knew all too well. Dorvane had used the drug on him countless times, and each time, he’d thought he would go mad from the untamable desire and raging lust that couldn’t be satiated.
He moved across the room, took Faramir’s hand and led him over to the bed, seeing how his lover’s skin was damp with sweat and bore the mark of several handprints on his backside. “It’s all right, guren,” he whispered soothingly. “I know what they did. Taking me will help, at least a little.” Quickly removing his breeches, he poured a generous amount of oil on his hand and gently slicked Faramir’s shaft, causing the young man to shudder and moan. “Come, love… I’m still open from this morning. It’s all right…”
To say Faramir was embarrassed was beyond understatement. He was completely humiliated as Haldir led him to their bed though here the Elf was willing to give himself to Faramir to ease the pain he was in. But would it really help? Nothing seemed to allow him to come, nothing the others had done, of course he hadn’t really wanted them, just wanted to find release. He wanted Haldir in every way though… could that help? He hoped so, because he wasn’t sure if he could stand the pain of it any more. He felt as if just the air around him was too much stimulation to his aching flesh. “I am sorry, love,” he whispered. “It… it shouldn’t be like this.” He knew Haldir would understand, knew Haldir had been through the same thing he was going through now but it didn’t change the fact that Faramir was embarrassed by it all. When Haldir’s hand gently slicked the oil onto him he felt as if he could so easily explode and was ashamed when his hips thrust into the light grasp just needing something but his body would stop the reaction just before he could find his release. The drug was relentless.
When Haldir turned and offered himself, it took every ounce of willpower Faramir had not to simply bury himself in the heat of his lover’s body. Instead he used his finger to at least check to make sure that Haldir was indeed still open and ready for him. He wanted to offer more time and care, to give Haldir pleasure but Gods he could barely stand to even do this much before he was unable to fight his body’s need anymore and buried himself deep in his lover with one long thrust.
The drug didn’t allow its user – or victim – to make love. It made them simply want to take, to rut, to do anything and everything was needed to find some kind of release. Haldir was certain that what they would do over the next few days would leave him sore, but at least the very act of sex took the edge off of the drug, and too many times he’d come back to an empty room with no one to at least help him that much. “Shhh, meleth, I know what you are going though, and there is nothing else you can do. We will get through this…” He stopped, held on to the bed as Faramir began thrusting hard and deep, not even sure his lover could hear him. “We will get through this together and don’t you dare…” An especially deep thrust hit squarely on his prostate, causing him to moan loudly, and his already interested erection twitched fully to life at once, “feel sorry for anything. This isn’t you… it’s the drug. You know it and I know it.”
Faramir could hear Haldir’s words just barely through the roar of his own blood in his ears as he began to thrust into his lover, not being nearly as gentle as he normally was. He just needed him so much, needed this but it didn’t matter how deeply he thrust or how quickly it never seemed enough. His fingers dug into pale flesh, not meaning to bruise but unable to stop himself as he held his lover in place and slammed into him, the plug inside him brushing relentlessly against his prostate and setting off sparks behind his tightly closed eyelids. He couldn’t seem to get the friction he needed, the need clawed inside him like an animal but all he did was exhaust himself, over and over he slammed into his lovers body, driving him up onto his toes as he leaned over the bed.
Doing his best to stay still, Haldir nevertheless had to steady himself with one hand as the other moved between his legs. As Faramir took him roughly, he gritted his teeth, knowing that the worst part for them both would be after the drug wore off, when Faramir would see the bruises he’d left on Haldir’s body – and Haldir had no doubt there would be many by then – and Haldir’s heartache at seeing Faramir’s guilt. As his lover used him, he began stroking his own shaft, aroused despite the circumstances and came hard over his own hand, knowing that Faramir was in no state to even notice. When the last of his orgasm was wrung from him, he spread his legs wider and held on to the edge of the bed, opening himself further and hoping that this, at least would help to some degree.
Barely noticing Haldir’s release other than hearing him cry out and feeling muscles clench around him, Faramir continued to thrust, trying to ride out the drug still holding him in its grasp. His pace began to slow some as his body began to wear out but he still had not reached his goal, he was sweating and panting as if he’d been running for miles and finally with a roar of disappointment, Faramir collapsed against his lover, still hard and full inside him and trying to catch his breath. “I get so close but… but just can’t…” he whispered breathlessly as even in his exhaustion his hips continued to move, thrusting as much as he could against his lover in his exhausted state. He was miserable, his balls felt as if they were ready to explode but still nothing.
Haldir reached behind him and pulled Faramir’s arms around him, shifting his own hips to match his lover’s. He leaned his head back and ran his hands over the fingers that were clutching helplessly against his stomach, scratching without even realizing it. “I know, love. The drugs won’t wear off for a long while. All you can do is let me help you… take me as often as you need to, and finally, when the drug is out of your system, you’ll find relief, I promise. The only other way is much, much more painful, and as difficult as this it, it is easier to bear than the alternative.” His legs were starting to cramp, but he couldn’t move because of the way Faramir was leaning against him. “Let me lie down for a moment, guren, and take me that way. This is straining my legs”
Faramir was draped over Haldir’s back and still breathing heavily and shifting his hips as his lover spoke. He wondered about the alternative for a moment but decided more painful at least for now wasn’t something he wanted to think about because this was bad enough. When Haldir said his legs were strained, Faramir felt horrible. “Gods, I’m sorry love,” he whispered as he leaned away from his lover, no longer putting weight on him, and slowly withdrawing from him. Just losing that pressure and warmth from around him made Faramir want to cry with frustration. He helped Haldir back onto the bed and gave him a sad look. “I want you, I always want you, but this… this is just not right,” he whispered as he lay beside his lover still trying to regain his breath. His body was still screaming for release, he was still hard as stone and now that he was able to breathe again the only thing his body wanted was to take Haldir again… and again and again until he finally was able to find release. “How long does it take… Gods, this is killing me,” he whispered.
Reaching over hand cupping Faramir’s face in the palm of his hand, Haldir shook his head and leaned over, pressing a kiss to beloved lips. “It usually lasts for 2 or 3 days,” he whispered. “I wish I could tell you it was only for a few hours, but with me, it’s always been much longer.” He leaned over and kissed his lover, then reached again for the oil. “Please don’t feel guilty for this. You know I love feeling you inside me.” As he spoke, he slicked Faramir’s straining flesh again and simply stroked him firmly for a few moments. “Lie back and let me ride you for a while. It won’t let you find release, but it will help.”
Days! Faramir’s eyes widened as Haldir spoke and he shook his head. How could it possibly last days and how could Haldir take his constant neediness… he would be sore by the end of today if not before. “Don’t let me hurt you… promise me,” Faramir said softly. “Please… don’t let me hurt you.” He laid back and gasped when an oil-slicked hand began stroking him. “Oh Gods… it almost hurts but it feels so good,” he whispered, knowing that Haldir would understand what he meant.
Haldir tightened his grip as he stroked and finally moved to straddle his lover’s thighs. “I know, meleth, and I promise you won’t hurt me,” he said softly as he reached behind him and lined himself up. He didn’t say that after eight years, he was used to being taken countless times in the course of a day, or a few hours. While he longed to lean down and kiss Faramir, he knew that gentleness wasn’t what he needed right now, so instead, he grasped the headboard with both hands and slammed himself down on Faramir’s flesh, taking him in hard and impossibly deep, riding him just as hard as Faramir had taken him only moments before. “If you speak of feeling guilty even one more time,” he ground out as he continued to ride the hard length, “I will sleep on the couch when this is over with and make you sleep in the bed alone.”
Faramir cried out when Haldir forced himself down hard against him, his aching flesh burying deep inside the tight heat of his lover’s body. His hands rose up to grasp his lover’s hips to steady him even more as he moved over him, riding him but only managing to keep Faramir at the edge, never quite enough because of the drug in his body. He frowned when Haldir spoke of making him sleep alone. “Gods, that is worse punishment,” he whispered as his hips undulated beneath his lover, thrusting up into the willing body offering everything to him. It felt so wrong to be doing this, but at the same time he loved everything about Haldir so it wasn’t as bad as it could be he supposed. At least he was with someone who understood the drug, knew what he needed and was willing to offer so much to help him get through this.
“Yes, it is,” Haldir managed to smile as he kept moving. He moved for what seemed like hours, knowing Faramir was suffering, but knowing it would be far, far worse if there was no friction at all against his flesh. It was torture, he knew, to need like this, but at least if he were kept on the edge of release, the torture wasn’t quite as bad, wasn’t quite as consuming. As he rode, he grew aroused once again, and came, though this time his release was weaker than the last, he knew he most likely wouldn’t find his own release again for quite some time. He finally stopped, still squeezing his inner muscles and met Faramir’s haunted gaze. “Roll over, love. I need to lie down for a while, then we’ll see if we can’t find some other way to help.”
The entire time that Haldir rode him, Faramir could feel everything, the drug seemed to heighten his senses and each thrust made him feel every ridge of muscle, even the slightest squeeze of them around his shaft. He was breathless again and so was Haldir, they were a mess, both of them sweating and their faces flushed, yet still even as Haldir came between them, the warmth coating Faramir’s stomach he couldn’t find his own release. At least he had given Haldir some pleasure with all of this, though he was afraid he would be miserable too by the time this was over with. When he rolled onto his stomach, his body to his shame continued to move, seeking friction against the sheets. Each thrust of his hips made the plug inside him burrow deeper it seemed and he felt his face color darker from shame rather than just humiliation. He even tried to think unpleasant thoughts, hoping that might help lessen his need but not even that worked.
Haldir positioned Faramir’s body so that his legs hung off the bed, then reached beneath him and pulled his cock back as well. He saw the plug and recognized it well, noting that the way it was hooked to both the piercing and the submission ring, it couldn’t be completely removed until Faramir’s sex was flaccid once again. Oiling his hand once again, he wrapped his fingers around Faramir’s sex, and worked the plug and the piercing, which, to both their shame, brought pleasure when stimulated in just the right way. The plug moved outward slightly, stretching Faramir’s opening just enough so that wrinkled skin smoothed out, then Haldir pushed it back in, stopping only now and then to tug lightly on the piercing. “Move if you need to, love. They won’t be back for a long while, so it is just the two of us.”
Faramir lifted his hips a little to help Haldir position him the way he wanted him and gasped when Haldir touched his sex. It was so full and hard that Faramir worried sometimes if there would be permanent damage to him after this. The thoughts spun away though when Haldir’s hand worked at the plug inside him, tugging just the right way. His hips lifted off the bed and automatically his body began to move, pumping his hips as Haldir’s hand worked his rigid flesh and moved the plug just right inside him. He was panting again as he moved, needing to find a release that was so very elusive. “Gods… this is madness is it not? I want you of all people so much yet I cannot come because of that damnable drug. I do not understand why he used it on me if he didn’t plan to continue using me today… it does not make sense.”
Because he knows that by making me watch you suffer, he can break me. Haldir closed his eyes as the words drifted through his mind, but he didn’t have the strength to say them just yet. Dorvane had finally found his weakness, and he damn well knew it. This was just another test in a long line of them, he feared. “In his mind, it makes perfect sense,” he murmured almost to himself.
He worked the plug and the flesh in his hands until his wrists and fingers ached, then continued to work them until they were numb. Finally, he stopped and pressed a kiss at the base of his lover’s back. “Take me again, love, then you can take my mouth and… anything else you want.” Positioning himself on the bed again, he spread his legs wide in invitation and rubbed a bit more oil over his entrance as he waited for his lover to enter him again.
Faramir couldn’t say they were making love because what was going on was nothing like the way they made love though it was not devoid of love. Perhaps that made some difference; at least through it all they knew they loved one another. Haldir knew that Faramir hated hurting him and after almost two days of sex and practically no sleep or real rest they were both in pain, they were both sore and tired and miserable. This was the most horrible torture really. Kissing they found only made Faramir worse, he wanted Haldir too much when they kissed so they couldn’t even do that.
All he could do was rut like an animal; take Haldir every way he could imagine… and a few creative ways that Haldir had imagined for him. None of it did any good. Late at night on the second day, in a few hours would be the third day like this actually. Haldir’s flesh was swollen around him, he could feel it, he was tighter than before because his passage had been used so very much. They’d done it in the tub with hot water, cold water; they’d tried almost every position one could come up with. Haldir had used his mouth and hands on him and all to no avail. “Gods… I am so tired,” he whispered finally as he collapsed next to Haldir on their bed that was a mess. The room smelled heavily of sex and sweat and though he was tired his arousal was still swollen and as hard as it had been the day before and stood proudly up from his body and his heavy balls hurt from the so long denied release.
Haldir brought Faramir’s hand to his lips and kissed it, even that slight movement making him wince. “It can’t last much longer,” he promised, knowing that these brief moments of respite were all they’d be allowed before Faramir would need to be touched or to take again. “The only remedy I know of… it is far, far more painful than this, and I honestly don’t think I could bear to put you through it.” He leaned over to rest on his side, seeing just how miserable and exhausted Faramir really was. “What do you need me to do, guren? Just tell me…” As he spoke, he let his hand rest on the inside of his lover’s leg, stroking gently.
Everything hurt, yet every touch seemed to excite him further despite the soreness. He was just so very exhausted and he knew Haldir was the same. It felt as if they had been fighting a battle for hours and hours on end not having sex. Though this was not even just having sex anymore, it was just survival. They had hardly been able to stop to eat or drink anything. His own hand reached down again as Haldir touched him. His wrist and shoulder were sore from hours of trying to give Haldir rest as he used his hands on himself. Haldir’s arms and hands were surely sore as well, they alternated as much as they had been able to, between times when Faramir would just try to lie still as he could but inevitably have to start moving again. “What would be easiest for you? We’ve tried practically everything I know to try,” he whispered.
After a moment, Haldir pulled Faramir onto his side, then rolled onto his side as well, spooning up against his lover. He slicked his entrance for what felt like the hundredth time, then slicked Faramir’s length as well, gently pushing his hand away and rubbing the swollen tip of the still hard erection behind him over his opening. “I think it’s starting to wear off a bit,” he murmured hopefully as he lifted his upper leg up in the air, opening himself up further, then pushing back, biting his bottom lip to keep from moaning as his body was pierced yet again. “See, you’re not feeling quite as frantic now. Maybe this will work for now.”
“It may be that I’m just tired,” Faramir murmured as he was seated deep inside his lover yet again. He knew that Haldir was red and swollen from the number of times he’d taken him in the past two now almost three days. His arms wrapped around Haldir’s chest, and as he began to move, he realized that he did seem to be more in control of himself rather than something else controlling him. It did hurt though, not enough to stop, not bad enough to make the arousal go away but he was sore. His hips were sore, his stomach ached from muscles there tensing, his back hurt, his backside where the plug was still buried in him ached and even his shaft itself ached from the constant need of friction and from being hard for so very long. His movements this time were slower, less frantic as Haldir had said and he kissed the back of Haldir’s neck sweetly. “Maybe it is wearing off now,” he whispered allowing himself to believe.
Haldir had came several times since Faramir had returned to their rooms, but he was simply too exhausted to even get aroused at the moment. Though he was sore, he still loved the feeling of Faramir inside him, because he knew their time together would be limited… and he had no intention of complaining. It made him feel immensely better knowing that he was the one Faramir was taking, not some random, cruel guard who cared nothing for him, who would laugh at his distress and make him ashamed of what the drug was doing to his body. Long Elven fingers fanned lovingly over the strong arms wrapped around him, and he leaned back, pressing a soft kiss against Faramir’s lips. “That’s it, love, you’re gaining more control already.” He slowly met Faramir thrust for thrust, praying his lover’s torment was nearing its end. “When you come, you will have little warning, and it will hurt. The first time it happened to me, I passed out for hours. If you do… don’t worry. I’ll watch over you and I won’t let them take you away while you’re asleep, I swear. You’ll wake up to my face, not theirs.”
Haldir’s sweet kiss seemed to break through something inside him, and Faramir began to move just a little bit faster, this time his own body seeking release and not the drug just forcing him to do so. Haldir’s muscles were tight around him, surely his body sore from how much they had coupled in the last few days. He nodded when Haldir spoke of passing out. He could imagine after being held back this long that it was common to pass out afterwards. He was grateful for his relationship with Haldir and for being allowed to come back here to him and not being stuck in some cell by himself or having to pleasure the guards until he was bleeding and still wanting more. Faramir’s hips began to move even faster, his arms pulling Haldir closer as his body continued to press onward, needing to find his release and praying that this time he would. He did feel guilt for hurting Haldir knowing that his exhaustion and pain was why he was not aroused now but Faramir had promised not to say as much.
There was a difference in Faramir’s thrusts this time, though any other lover not as attuned to him would never have noticed. Haldir tangled their fingers together and lifted his leg even higher despite the burning muscles in his thighs. His pain, he knew, was nothing compared to Faramir’s. He pushed back, meeting each thrust and leaned back on the pillow, looking up at Faramir with a mixture of sympathy, understanding, and most of all, all the love he had in him. “Kiss me, guren,” he whispered, knowing that their kisses aroused Faramir even further, and might be just what they needed to push his lover the edge.
Faramir wasn’t sure if kissing Haldir was a good idea, what if this wasn’t the drug wearing off? What if he just aroused himself more and yet again they were left to try again? But it was hard to resist his lover looking at him that way and asking him to kiss him. A stronger man might have been able to resist but Faramir certainly couldn’t. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Haldir’s that were still red and swollen from earlier that same day. His tongue dueled with Haldir’s as his hips continued to thrust deeply, but markedly slower than they had in the past. It was much more like making love than just sex this time and Faramir found hope in that. As Haldir moved under him, arching against him, offering so much of himself, Faramir began to thrust harder, his body now overwhelmed with not just lust but love. He thrust deep one last time as he sucked hard on his lover’s tongue and cried out loudly. It was completely unexpected when he came; he’d been held on the edge for much too long and finally gave in. He screamed against Haldir’s mouth as his release slammed into him in wave after wave. He came longer than he ever knew was possible, his hips still thrusting, even as his muscles locked and after a moment everything turned dark.
Moaning loudly as Faramir’s release filled him with such force, Haldir closed his eyes and concentrated on the blessed sensation of every pulse of his lover’s cock, knowing the long-denied release was a welcome, yet bittersweet victory over the drug he’d been given. He didn’t move for several moments, knowing instinctively that Faramir had fallen into an exhausted sleep, and simply savoring being connected to him so intimately. “I love you, Faramir,” he whispered. “I hope that no matter what, some part of you will always know that.”
He sighed, waited a moment, more, and carefully slid forward, frowning when his lover’s finally softening sex slid from inside him. He used the next half hour to carry Faramir to the couch, carefully remove the plug from his passage, changed the sheets, then cleaned his lover and himself. When he was finished, he gently put Faramir back into their bed, pulling him close. “Sleep, my dearest one,” he whispered softly. “And let us hope you are freed before Dorvane tries to do this to you again.”
Chapter 10
A few days passed before Dorvane sent for both of them again after Faramir’s ordeal with the drug that Haldir refused to let him feel guilty about the bruises and soreness. The guards arrived before the sun had fully cleared the horizon that morning.
They were led past the rooms they had been to before, to a room at the far end of the hallway. It wasn’t one Faramir had been to before, and he couldn’t be certain if Haldir had or not.
They stood in the center of the room holding hands and staring at the only two things in the room. A thick sturdy post was driven into the ground with a heavy metal ring at the top, which was about waist high.
The other item, taking up most of the other side of the room was a large what looked to be water wheel; only there was curiously no water. Faramir had seen things like this before in other prisons.
They were used purely for torture though he’d never seen any of them used before, he had only heard it described. The wheel could be used with water to slowly drown a victim or used with a rope around the victim’s neck to slowly choke them to death. He swallowed hard and squeezed Haldir’s hand unsure what would happen here or if these things would even be used that way.
Haldir’s eight years as Dorvane’s prisoner had been horrific enough, but they were nothing compared to the fear and horror of the few weeks since he’d met and fallen in love with Faramir. He could take the pain himself, but watching Faramir suffer was a far, far worse fate than any he had ever known before in his long life. As he looked around the room – one he had never been in before either – he swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed his lover’s hand in return. He could well imagine what the wheel was to be used for and felt sick to his stomach, though he knew pleading with Dorvane would only make matters worse. Not him. Take me. Please not Faramir.
The guards were silent, not taunting them like normal when Dorvane entered the room. Faramir felt his stomach flip. The man looked angry and pleased with himself at the same time.
“Elf, this is punishment,” he said as black eyes seemed to bore through them both. “You refused me.” Referring to the day that Haldir refused to use the string of balls on Faramir. “In all the years you’ve been here you have never once refused me. I believe this man is a bad influence on you… so if you can save him, then he can stay, if not… he’ll die and it will be your fault for refusing me and your fault for not being able to save him,” he said turning to address the guards then, “Tie them up.” Dorvane was certain he’d found the way to finally break the Elf after all these years.
Haldir felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach and the submission ring had been turned up to it’s highest level, and worst of all, as if someone had ripped his heart out of his chest with their bare hand. He stood in front of Faramir, and glared at Dorvane. He knew what he was about to do would likely get his brothers killed, but at least they stood a chance of not getting captured, while what Dorvane proposed to do to Faramir left him with almost not chance at all. “You pathetic bastard,” he growled, low and deep in his chest his entire body shaking with both rage and fear. “You know I could kill you with one hand tied behind my back… and it seems you are too much of a coward to put me in danger. Put me on that wheel or fuck me – I will spread my legs for you right here and right now, but don’t do this to an innocent man who has never harmed you in any way. I won’t refuse you again, just… don’t do this…” His fear suddenly overcame his rage and he swallowed the last bit of pride he possessed. “Please. Don’t do this to him.”
Faramir startled as Haldir grabbed himself beside him, knowing the ring was being used and his hands automatically moved to help support him. He was stunned by the rage in Haldir’s voice and was as surprised by Haldir’s words as Dorvane seemed to be. Dorvane was faster to recover than Faramir though and stepped forward. “You will spread your legs for me, as always Elf. Do you really think you ever had a choice in the matter?” with that Dorvane smiled evilly. “But you are so protective of this man aren’t you? This Ranger from Gondor? We’ll see just how much you’ll fight for him,” he snapped, using Faramir’s submission ring to incapacitate the man and make sure he couldn’t and wouldn’t fight as the guards drug him to the wheel.
Faramir bit back a cry of pain as he felt as if his groin had been stomped on and his legs felt like water as the guards dragged him away from Haldir. I am only making things worse for Haldir.
Haldir should have expected the pain from the ring, but it caught him off guard, and before he knew it, Faramir was being drug away by the guards and was crying out as his own ring was obviously being used on him as well. The struggling Elf was tied to the ring on the post across the room from the wheel as Faramir was tied to the wheel itself. The agony between his legs was now a dull ache and he realized that Dorvane was going to keep the ring active while he had to find a way to free Faramir. Gods… he wasn’t sure he could even move, let alone free himself and his lover, but he would be damned if he wasn’t going to try. His eyes darkened with hatred and he vowed that if Faramir died today, then Dorvane would die as well, no matter what the consequences.
As the last restraint was fastened, Haldir tried to ignore the pain in his groin and took a deep breath, looking across the room and focusing on the man he loved. He loved his brothers, yes, but this… this was different. This was the man he wanted to spend his life with. His eyes grew kinder, gentler, and he knew Faramir could see how much he loved him if he could manage to meet his gaze despite the odd position they’d tied him in on the wheel. “I will not let you die, guren” he said softly, knowing the guards could hear him, but not caring. “Remember the moonlight until I get to you, guren. Remember the moonlight.”
Faramir’s entire body hurt from the submission ring but Dorvane began to ease back on it as he was tied to the wheel. It was decidedly uncomfortable, the wood biting into his back as he was stretched over it, his arms were tied down along the long spokes of it. Once he was secure they slipped a noose around his neck, the rope lose for the moment as it was tied to a ring on the wall behind him. As the wheel slowly would ease forward the noose would tighten inch by inch and would either suffocate him or break his neck. He tried to seek out Haldir’s gaze, looking to the side, unable to look down his body toward where his lover was tied. “I will remember… always,” he said softly in return.
Haldir was doing his best to stay calm, but he was on the verge of panic as he saw the noose tied around Faramir’s neck. He was seated on the floor with his hands tied up and over his head, secured to the heavy metal ring above him. The ring of submission was still pulsing out a steady dose of pain, but he’d felt much, much worse. His body wanted to simply curl up and wait for the pain to pass, but his mind and the image of his lover before him kept him focused and able to somewhat adjust to, if not ignore, the pain between his legs. The thick, coarse rope was tied snugly around his thighs and ankles as well, and as the guard secured the last knot, he thought he saw something that looked like sympathy in the man’s dark eyes. No matter. He would die as well as Dorvane and everyone else in the room if Faramir was killed.
Faramir was careful not to struggle, not to move on the wheel and make matters worse or end things and himself too quickly. He took a shallow breath as the pain of the ring pulsed through him, his body wanting to curl up but unable to the way he was tied of course. Dorvane crossed the room to him and took Faramir’s face in his hand. “It’ll be a pity to see one so fair die…” Dorvane said looking back at Haldir as his hand traveled down Faramir’s body lewdly. He grasped Faramir’s lax sex and squeezed it hard making the man yelp before drawing away again and heading toward the door. “I’d love to stay and watch but I have duties to attend to…” he turned to a guard near the door. “Notify me as soon as the man is dead.”
Already struggling in his bonds as Dorvane made his way across the room, Haldir’s hatred of the man grew tenfold as his filthy hand touched Faramir’s sex. The Elf growled, but was helpless as Faramir cried out, but then thankfully, Dorvane was gone. One look at the guards told him he would get no assistance from them. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to imagine the knots that bound his wrists. He followed each twist and turn with his fingertips but the knots were too tight, and wouldn’t budge. After a few moments, he resorted to simply pulling at his restraints, causing his frequently restrained wrists to bleed and become raw almost at once. “Hold on, Faramir,” he managed, gritting his teeth as he pulled again at his bonds. “Don’t you dare give up on me.”
Faramir felt the wheel begin to tick forward slowly just as Dorvane shut the door and though the rope wasn’t tight yet it would be soon enough. He wasn’t sure what to think anymore; maybe it would be better for them both if he died here today? He took a shallow breath and tried to focus on not wiggling to keep the wheel from turning too much. “I’m not giving up, love,” he said softly. “But just know… if… if you can’t get to me in time, that I love you and that I know you will have tried everything,” his words were soft in the room but they seemed loud it was so quiet only the sound of Haldir struggling and his own shallow breaths.
Haldir’s face, flushed from exertion, paled at Faramir’s words. “Don’t you even think that,” he chided, catching his bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled on the ropes again. “I will get to you. Or by the Valar, I will die trying.” With that, he stopped struggling and wrenched his body up as much as he could; twisting so hard he almost dislocated his shoulder. He could at least see the knots this way, and see that they were too secure to untie in such a short time. Holding one hand with the other, he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out and squeezed hard, pushing his thumb out of its socket, making his hand much smaller. It was enough so that the next time he pulled at his now injured hand, it moved back from its bonds just a bit, though the pain almost made his dizzy as the ropes pushed down on this dislocated digit.
Faramir could just see Haldir out of the corner of his eye as he struggled and winced when he heard the low pop of a dislocated bone. It brought tears to his eyes but he knew that if their roles were reversed he’d practically chew off his own arm to get to Haldir. With that thought the wheel ticked forward again, the rope tightening around his neck and stretching him uncomfortably as it pushed just against his throat and underside of his jaw. He had trouble swallowing against the pressure and knew with the next movement of the wheel he was going to start to choke and by the next one he would be choking for certain. He closed his eyes and began to pray every prayer he knew.
Haldir’s skin was wet with sweat and the blood that ran down his arms as he struggled with his bonds. Some of the guards looked bored, while others frankly gaped at his tenacity. Several began to fear for their lives if whatever Dorvane was holding over the Elf were ever to go away. Clenching his teeth so hard his jaws almost locked, Haldir jerked his hand from the restraints, crying out as excruciating pain raced from his hand up to his shoulder. He saw stars for a moment and swayed on his feet. It hurt, Gods, it hurt, but at least his hand was free, and a moment later he was working the other one free as well. “Almost, guren,” he managed as he finally had both hands out of the ropes and simply pushed the other restraints down his thighs, rubbing the pale skin of his legs raw as he did so, causing them to bleed almost as badly as his wrists. The moment he was free, he raced across the room, trying to see how Faramir was tied and how to best free him without causing more pressure on his neck.
Faramir felt his heart break when Haldir cried out, tears running from his eyes and down into his hair. He wanted to struggle but he knew he couldn’t, doing so would only end him more quickly so he stayed as still as he could even though his body shook from tears. The wheel ticked forward again and suddenly he couldn’t breathe, he gasped and almost started to struggle, his hands twisting against the rough ropes holding him. His vision was dimming even as he saw Haldir’s panicked face leaning over him. Faramir opened his mouth to speak but no words could come out, his throat was slowly being crushed by the rope that held him and his own weight pulling him downward as the angle of the wheel changed.
Reaching out with his injured hand to try and hold the wheel, Haldir managed to at least keep it in place, if not push it back. His thumb hung uselessly alongside, but his fingers curled beneath one of the paddles on the wheel, and he used every ounce of his strength to keep it from moving forward again. The noose around Faramir’s neck was tied up over a beam above them, and then to a round metal ring embedded in the wall beside the wheel. The wood was old, like everything else at Dorvane’s ‘farm’ and Haldir knew he only had one chance. Pushing his shoulder against the wheel to keep it from turning, he used both hands and called upon the strength of the first-born. His fingers tightened around the ring in the wall and he twisted with enough force to easily break a man’s neck – a fact
that every guard in the room noticed immediately. The ring held solid for several precious seconds, seconds when he was sure he had failed, then finally gave way, twisting free of the wood and leaving Haldir holding the other end of Faramir’s noose. Fumbling a bit because his hands were sore and swollen, he finally managed to tug the noose from around Faramir’s from around Faramir’s neck, blue eyes gazing at his face, which was all too pale and still. Gods… he had been too late. He had let his lover die.
Faramir’s vision dimmed completely and he was certain that he was going to never wake from this. Then he felt the pressure release from his neck and for a moment his body refused to react then suddenly he tired to take a gasping breath, coughing and choking as he did so. His eyes opened briefly to look up into worried and frightened blue eyes, seeing a fear there that broke Faramir’s heart completely. “You did it, love,” he whispered so softly he wasn’t sure his words had been heard before he was forced to cough again. He’d been so close to dying from strangulation that he was still hardly able to breathe even now.
Even now, the guards kept their distance, watching with grudging respect as Haldir simply rested his forehead against Faramir’s shoulder for a moment and his body shook with silent sobs. He wanted only to be alone with his lover, however, and quickly gathered himself, somehow managing to untie the bonds around Faramir’s arms and legs with still shaking and swollen fingers. As the last knot was untied, the Elf opened his arms to Faramir and gently pulled him away from the wheel, holding him carefully as he continued to cough and gasp for air. He easily scooped the young man up against his chest and headed for the door. “We’re going back to our rooms now,” he said in a tone that left no room for argument. “You have all had enough fun for one day.”
Faramir was still weak from not being able to breathe as Haldir scooped him into his arms. All he could do was rest his forehead against Haldir’s shoulder and let himself be carried. The guards did not protest when Haldir spoke to them, instead they simply stood back and one opened the door for them. The same one followed behind them to their rooms, not speaking, simply making sure they returned where they were supposed to do. When the door to their room opened, Faramir coughed again and looked up at his lover as he felt color finally starting to return to his face again. “You’re hurt,” he said simply. “Give me a minute…” He coughed again and shook his head. “Give me a minute to catch my breath and I’ll take care of you.”
“You will do no such thing,” Haldir said softly, sitting down on the chair nearest the door and simply holding his lover against him, ignoring the blood and even the still throbbing pain from the submission ring that Dorvane had failed to turn off. “You are going to just rest against me and let me hear you breathe, guren.” When Faramir started to protest, Haldir put one finger over his lips and shook his head. “Please, love. Do this for me. I just need to hear you breathe. “
Faramir started to argue that Haldir was bleeding and obviously in pain. He was fine now that he could breathe other than the lingering pain from the submission ring Dorvane had used on him earlier. He sighed though, unable to argue when Haldir looked at him like that. “I’m fine,” he whispered. “Because you saved me.” He rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder again and managed a deep breath. His neck was raw where the rope rubbed against him and throat hurt but he was going to be fine.
Not wanting Faramir to focus on his hands at the moment, Haldir pressed a kiss to his lover’s temple and shook his head. “He wanted to break me, and he finally found a way to do it,” he said softly. “I will never forgive myself for putting you in that situation, and I will never again give him a reason to use you against me, guren. I am just so sorry it took this to make me realize how far he will go to get what he wants.”
“He didn’t break you,” Faramir argued shaking his head. “He used compassion and love against you but that is not breaking someone…” he whispered softly. Dorvane wanted complete submission from them both though and now he knew the way to achieve it, by using each against the other. Toying with them or even threatening until the other submitted to whatever the sadistic man wanted. “We have to find a way out of here, Haldir… there has to be a way.”
Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat, then nodded. “Aye,” he agreed softly. “I am sure there is a way. We just need to figure it out.” He knew exactly how to free Faramir, though the price would be his complete and total submission for the rest of Dorvane’s life… and probably the lifetimes of all his predecessors as well. He truly believed Saruman could not catch his brothers, for surely they had sailed now, or surely they would be safe in the Golden Wood. But now there was more than his brothers to consider. Gods, if only they could escape together and live together and make love under the stars and the moonlight and… No. Best not to dream of that now. His fingers slowly moved over the bruises on his lover’s neck. “For now, though, some salve would stop that from burning, and bring down the swelling a bit.”
Faramir couldn’t help but wince as Haldir touched his neck. His lover’s wrists were bleeding and he could see one hand was swollen; obviously the popping sound he’d heard was his thumb. “Only if you’ll allow me to put some of it on you as well?” Faramir said stubbornly.
The golden Elf started to argue, but could tell from the look in Faramir’s eyes that there was absolutely no point. “Very well, guren,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, though in truth he was thrilled that Faramir felt well enough to argue with him. “You win… as always. We will tend to each other.”
Faramir smiled then at how Haldir gave in to him even though he made it seem grudgingly. “We both win then,” he whispered. His own hand reached out and cupped Haldir’s injured one. “This must be very painful…” he whispered. Shifting just a bit in Haldir’s lap he brushed a kiss against his cheek, even though it hurt to stretch like that. He started to get up, now that he was getting enough oxygen to the rest of his body he was feeling better, but Haldir still held him close.
“Do all Rangers squirm this much, or is it just my Ranger?” Haldir groused, refusing to let his lover go just yet. He knew he would never get the image of Faramir’s too pale face or the sound of him gasping for air out of his mind, and he couldn’t seem to make himself let go just yet.
Smiling, Faramir relaxed back against his lover. “We are trained in many things… archery, woodsman skills, tracking… and… squirming,” he teased, enjoying seeing a light back in Haldir’s eyes that seemed to have been erased earlier.
Haldir laughed, marveling as always that Faramir could make him laugh even after such a trying ordeal. “Then I expect you must have excelled in that particular lesson,” he growled, reaching between them with his less injured hand and tugging lightly on his lover’s nipple. “Now kiss me first, and I will let you up… and do not even try that thing you do with your eyes when you want your way. It will not work because I’m not looking. Just kiss me.” Closing his eyes as tightly as an Elfling who thought he was hiding from his parents by simply choosing not to see them, Haldir bit back a smile and waited to be kissed, determined not to let Faramir move until he did so.
Faramir laughed softly, despite the pain he was still in and certain that Haldir was in as well. If they did not have these moments of laughter in their lives these past weeks it would have been unbearable to live the way they had without going mad. Still smiling he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against his lover’s, brushing sweetly against them until the kiss deepened. This time Faramir was breathless for an entirely different reason as he opened himself to his lover and let him feel how much he loved him and appreciated all that he’d done for him. Not just today.
Using just his arms, Haldir pulled Faramir against him, sighing softly into his mouth as their kiss went from sweet to passionate and loving in almost no time at all. He had almost grown immune to the pain in his hands and low level ache in his genitals, and certainly the kiss made soreness seem even further away. They kissed until they were both lightheaded from the lack of oxygen and when they finally pulled away, Haldir looked at his lover with dark, almost dream-like eyes that softened the usual stern look he’d learned to wear around the guards. “Do all Rangers kiss this well too?” he whispered, nibbling lightly on his lover’s lip. “Or just mine?”
Faramir smiled as they drew apart again, breathless and for the moment not thinking about anything but his lover. “I have never kissed another Ranger so I do not know… and I don’t think I like the idea of you kissing any others just to find out so I suppose we’ll both never know will we?” Faramir teased softly as he brushed hair back from Haldir’s cheek and tucked it behind a pointed ear. For now they were just two lovers sharing sweet kisses and teasing one another, not prisoners of Saruman and Dorvane.
Haldir laughed softly. “Like I would ever want to kiss any other Ranger… or any other Man, Elf, Dwarf or Hobbit,” he teased. “No, all my kisses, for the rest of my days will belong exclusively to you, my love. As does my heart.”
Faramir sobered for a moment when Haldir spoke and he nodded. “As do all of my kisses, love. And my heart, all of me, belongs to you…” he whispered seriously. “Today… when… when I thought… all I could think of was you and how my being here has made life harder for you.”
“Only when I have to see you suffer, or worry what they will do to you next,” Haldir admitted. “But, Gods, Faramir, I was so close to giving up, especially recently, just before you came. If we ignore the bad times, and think of the good times… I think we would live happily ever after had we met outside of this prison.” He sighed and rested his cheek on top of Faramir’s head. “I would give anything if you were still free, and had never been captured, but there are times when we are together like this that I forget where we are and think that I am the happiest, luckiest Elf to ever have lived to be able to hold and love and laugh with you.”
Faramir frowned when Haldir said he had been close to giving up before he was captured. “I think we would live happily ever after when we escape this place. You have to have faith in that dream, Haldir,” he whispered. “And we are lucky to have found one another, despite the circumstances I would not change it… well there are a few things I’d love to change but they have nothing to do with you,” he said softly as his fingers slid down Haldir’s arm toward his still bloody wrist. “We need to take care of this.”
Haldir nodded, and tried to push away thoughts of the dream he knew was unreachable. “Aye. But first your neck…” He started to move forward on the chair, still holding Faramir against him. When his lover’s weight shifted, he was reminded quickly of the pain the submission ring was still sending through him, Faramir’s weight pressing down on him having eased the ache somewhat and distracting him with more… pleasant thoughts. He hissed in pain and held on to Faramir a little tighter for a moment, then slowly got to his feet, letting Faramir’s feet slide to the floor as well. It was on its lowest setting, but still enough to make him want to scream. “Can he not turn this damnable thing off now that our little “test” is over?”
Faramir frowned when Haldir hissed in pain and he looked up into his face, obviously tight with the pain. “The ring is still causing you pain?” he was surprised, Dorvane was no longer controlling his, but he was purposefully continuing to hurt Haldir. “We will try to come up with a way to make it stop hurting as badly,” he whispered as Haldir carried him to the bed. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the jar of salve as Haldir sat beside him. “Let me do this,” he whispered as he opened it and began to spread the thick salve onto Haldir’s wrist.
Murmuring softly in agreement, Haldir let his lover tend to his hand even as he eyed the raw skin and bruises around his neck. More than likely Dorvane had simply forgotten to turn off his ring… either that, or he’d been furious to find that Haldir actually had saved Faramir’s life. He had the distinct feeling that Dorvane didn’t know yet, but that Haldir would know the minute he did.
When Faramir reached for Haldir’s other hand he frowned at the discoloration around his thumb and the way it fell uselessly to the side. “You dislocated your thumb to get out of the ropes,” he said it as a statement not a question and looked up at his lover with a compassionate look in his eyes. “We’ll need to put it back in place, love,” he whispered sadly as his fingers moved to put the salve on. “Maybe do it last thing so you can rest afterwards.”
“It was the only way I could get to you.” As he spoke, Haldir leaned up and with his already treated hand began applying the salve to Faramir’s neck. “I know it’s early, but we’ve both been through a lot today… I think we could both use a rest.”
Faramir hissed just a little as the salve stung at raw skin, it hurt worse on scrapes than it did on open wounds but soon it cooled and he sighed. “I think you are right, we both need rest,” he agreed. Once Haldir was done, Faramir looked up at him. “Crawl in bed beside me and give me your hand. I’ll hold it steady as you apply the pressure you need. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Haldir took a deep breath and did as Faramir instructed, knowing it would hurt even more going back in than it had coming out of place, especially now that it was so swollen. He felt his lover’s gentle fingers steadying his hand and just as he was about to move, he felt the tale-tale tingling of the ring around his cock and balls. Dorvane had found out… and wasn’t happy. Before he could even dread the feeling, his testicles felt as if they were on fire. He felt the pain race through his groin, from the tip of his sex, down through his legs, and up his spine. The pain centered in his groin however, and he had just the presence of mind to push his hand hard against Faramir’s popping his thumb back in place. The pain was nothing compared to the agony of the ring and he could do nothing more than curl up on the bed, whimpering in pain as the ring was set and kept at it’s highest level for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the pain became too much, and despite doing his best to overcome it, Haldir knew he was close to passing out. He reached up and grabbed Faramir’s arm, pulling him down alongside him and practically burrowed beneath him as the room grew dark and finally, blessedly, the pain began to fade as he lost consciousness.
Faramir held steady to Haldir’s hand and waited as he began to push against him to put his thumb in place. Suddenly though Haldir’s face went pale even before he began and he knew the way that he was gritting his teeth that the ring was being used on him. He could do nothing but watch in sympathy as his lover forced his thumb back into socket and then collapsed on the bed in agony. Even as Haldir reached out, Faramir was moving closer, pulling Haldir into his arms and trying to soothe him, knowing just how painful the ring could be. Before he could say a word he felt the tension leave Haldir’s body and saw his eyes close as he slipped away in unconsciousness. Faramir closed his own eyes and brushed sweet kisses against Haldir’s sweat covered brow. “I love you… and I promise you… we will find a way out of here.” The events of the day soon began to catch up to him as well and soon after he followed Haldir into sleep.
Chapter 11
Dorvane was apparently disgusted enough with the pair to leave them alone for a few days again but the couple knew that he wouldn’t wait long before summoning them again. When the guards arrived the words they spoke made Faramir’s heart sink. They wanted Haldir, alone. He hated when they separated them, as much as he hated having to hurt Haldir or Haldir having to hurt him or enduring the sick game they had been through just a few days before, he wished to go with Haldir. He had squeezed his hand gently before Haldir stood up to leave. They had made love the night before and that morning, knowing that there were few opportunities for them to do so without having worse prior injuries to deal with. He assured Haldir he would take care of him when he returned and had irritated the guards enough to yell at them and drag Haldir away when he didn’t leave fast enough for their tastes.
Now it was the worst sort of torture, not knowing what was happening to the Elf he loved. Faramir was pacing the room before they even got a few feet from the doorway.
To be taken alone was always what Haldir preferred, especially this time, when he was going to put his plan in motion. At least that way, he knew Faramir was safe, and no matter what they did to him, he knew his lover would be there waiting when he returned to hold him and whisper against his ear, making him forget everything that had just happened.
Today, however, he was determined to present a plan to Dorvane that would make everyone happy… well, almost everyone. It would break Haldir’s heart to carry out his own plan, but it was easier than watching Faramir suffer for and with him day after day with no end in sight.
He was led into the third room on the right – a room he knew well, one that almost assured him that he would leave with welts on his backside and almost every muscle in his body aching and sore. Dorvane was already standing in the middle of the room along with five of his most trusted – and cruel – guards, motioning Haldir to lift his arms up to the mithril bar that hung from the ceiling. Instead of doing as he was told, Haldir met Dorvane’s gaze and actually smiled. “You have won, Dorvane. Before we get started, I would like to speak with you alone… and offer you the one thing you have always wanted.”
Dorvane’s annoyance at the Elf’s daring to even meet his gaze was momentarily overshadowed by his words. the one thing you have always wanted He lifted an eyebrow and looked at the Elf a moment not liking the idea of ‘alone’ with the creature. He’d been told how he had fought to get free to save the Ranger. “And what would that be?”
“You know exactly what that would be.” Haldir took a deep breath and nodded toward the guards. “But this is for your ears alone, Dorvane. Have them restrain my hands if you like, but I will not make a deal in front of them. And believe me… you will want to make this deal.”
Dorvane had started to argue, knowing what the Elf could be capable of even with the submission ring until he said that the guards could restrain him and he smirked. “You’ll be restrained all right, I am not stupid,” he said looking to one of the largest guards to fix Haldir’s hands in the shackles that looped from the bar overhead. Once the guard was finished and they all left the room, he nodded. “If you try to trick me, your Ranger will die, you know that don’t you?”
Haldir kept his face perfectly neutral, though he wanted nothing more than to simply break Dorvane’s neck. Before, they had held Rúmil and Orophin’s lives over him, and now Faramir’s. He wasn’t willing to take any chances, especially now. “I know that, Dorvane, and you know that you found my weakness. You are cruel enough to use my feelings for Faramir against us both, so I am prepared to offer you the one thing you have never had in exchange for his freedom and safety. And I promise you this is no trick. It is a means to an end… and we will both get what we want.”
Dorvane opened his mouth for a moment and then shut it again. He’d wanted the Elf for years wanted him to break, to submit completely to him and had never been able to do that. Now because of some feelings for the Ranger the Elf was willing to do that? His eyes narrowed. “Pardon me if I choose not to believe you… if I let him go… let him just walk away how do I know you will keep your word and submit? There will have to be some guarantees for me… you realize if you do this, it will be worse than with your brothers who merely remember your death. The Ranger will not even know you exist, not even know your name. If you do this the Ranger could go free but will not remember you… will not remember this place so that he can bring others back here to attack.” Dorvane circled the Elf still considering, though he still wasn’t sure that Haldir would stick to the agreement.
“Aye,” Haldir said softly, lowering his eyes as Dorvane walked around him. This ‘deal’ was killing him, but Gods, he had no choice if he wanted Faramir to live… and live without pain. “He will not remember me or this place. In turn, I will do whatever you ask, whenever you ask. I will submit to you in every way possible and when you hurt me, it will be for your pleasure only, not to punish me… for I will not need punishment.” He took another deep breath, feeling sick to his stomach as he said the words he knew would make Dorvane agree. “If you desire it, I will be more than your slave, Dorvane. I will be your… lover, and I will use over 2000 years of experience to bring you pleasure like you have never imagined.”
Haldir’s final words stopped his slow circle and Dorvane looked at the Elf for a long moment. This was what he wanted all along. He wanted the Elf not only for his games but in his own twisted way he’d been infatuated with him, obsessed with the Elf for years now. And it seemed the Elf knew it as well. They both got what they wanted. Haldir’s lover would be free and unharmed. Dorvane would get Haldir. “You know if you break the agreement in any way the Ranger will die… just the same as the agreement you made with Saruman about your brothers?” he asked to confirm, strangely offering Haldir the chance to change his mind and not even sure why he was offering even that consideration.
“I know,” Haldir nodded, meeting Dorvane’s gaze once again and trying not to picture Faramir’s face as he thought about sharing his body and his bed with anyone else. “And you know that I know my brothers have sailed by now, and if I find that Faramir has come to any harm, I will kill you while you sleep, for if he dies, I will have no reason to live anyway. So… you keep your end of the bargain and keep him safe… and I will keep mine.”
Dorvane’s face tightened as Haldir spoke of killing him in his sleep but then nodded. “Then the Ranger will go free and will not be harmed… so long as you uphold your end of the bargain… remember you cannot refuse anything I ask of you,” Dorvane reminded. He wondered if he should offer one last night with the Ranger to the Elf… but he wasn’t sure. A part of him considered simply having the Ranger gone when Haldir left here now… but he needed to contact Saruman in the meantime to make sure his masters magic was firmly in place. And if he wanted the Elf to truly cooperate and really do everything he wanted wouldn’t it be easier to make that happen if he showed some sort of mercy? “Do you have any final request on behalf of the Ranger?”
“Only that he will never be harmed in any way and never remember me or the pain he suffered here,” Haldir reiterated, knowing that as difficult as this was, it was the only way Faramir would ever see the light of day or know happiness ever again. “And… one more night with him before he goes. If you give us that, I will never bring up his name to you again.”
Dorvane looked at him for a moment and nodded. “I will do all of that and grant you one last night… even free of pain. You can return unharmed to your room this once… on one condition,” he said looking up and meeting the Elf’s gaze levelly. “Kiss me, act as if you want me, show me how you will behave after he is gone and I will grant all of this for you.”
Bile rose in Haldir’s throat, but he could do this… no, he would do this for Faramir. He remembered so recently telling his lover that all his kisses belonged to him, and now… he was about to. No. Best not to think anymore. Best to just picture the man he loved so deeply living a full and happy life, much like his beloved brothers were probably doing at this very moment. “Free my hands, then,” he said softly, surprised but pleased that he would return to Faramir for their last night together free of pain. “You know I will not take a chance with his life, and if you want me to kiss you like I mean it, then I will need to move.” When Dorvane hesitated and looked at him suspiciously, Haldir shrugged. “If we are going to share a bed, Dorvane, you will have to trust me eventually.”
Watching the Elf skeptically for a moment, Dorvane finally nodded and reached up to unshackle him. “Remember what happens if you try anything,” he whispered while the metal rings clicked loudly in the room as they were opened. Dorvane had always wanted to kiss Haldir in truth but had never done so in all these years. He had taken everything from the Elf he could but he had never done that. Never taking that over simply abusing and using his body. Perhaps a part of him had always worried the Elf would bite him, despite the consequences or something else entirely worried him about the intimacy of a kiss. Now he knew that Haldir wouldn’t resist him nor risk the Ranger’s life and his desire to kiss the Elf overrode any other worries. He watched Haldir carefully as the Elf rubbed at his wrists.
Haldir didn’t dare look away from Dorvane. If he had to spend a lifetime pretending to want this man, then he needed to start right now. So much depended on it. He reached out and slipped one hand along the firm muscles just beneath Dorvane’s ribs and spread his fingers slowly over his back. Concentrating hard and praying that Faramir would never know of his deceit, the Elf moved forward slowly and licked his lips, stopping only when he was a mere hair’s breadth from Dorvane’s mouth. To anyone who didn’t know him, Dorvane was handsome and dashing. It was only the cruel streak that ran so deeply through him that made those closest to him afraid and distrustful. Giving his little performance everything he had, Haldir’s other hand slipped beneath surprisingly soft dark hair, resting at the base of the man’s neck, long fingers curling lightly as soft Elven lips parted. Haldir brought them lightly down over his ‘lover’s’ mouth. Dorvane’s lips were nowhere as sweet as Faramir’s nor as soft, but Haldir tried to pretend they were. He moved slowly, tentatively, letting Dorvane control the kiss at first, and then remembered that he was supposed to make the man believe he wanted him. He took over the kiss then, deepening it, and exploring Dorvane’s mouth, using every trick he had ever learned to arouse a lover.
It had been years since anyone had actually kissed him of their own accord, though this was part of their bargain, Dorvane at first wasn’t sure what to think when Haldir moved closer. Their bodies touching this way was different than all the times he had taken the Elf over the years, this felt far more intimate. When soft lips pressed against his, Dorvane’s arms seemed to automatically wrapped around Haldir and he pulled him closer, at first controlling the kiss as the Elf yielded to him but then suddenly he was being kissed back… deeply. It almost startled him the way that the Elf kissed him, as if he truly did want him. Dorvane was breathing hard and obviously aroused by the time they parted, and he tried to quickly mask the surprise he had felt. “And that… that is the way you will kiss me from now on,” he stated as dark eyes looked into bright blue ones.
Holding his gaze, Haldir nodded. “Aye. That is the way I will kiss you from now on,” he agreed. “If you will allow me to be your lover, Dorvane, instead of your slave, I will bring you pleasures only the Elves have learned of and can share.” He was dying inside, wishing only for his beloved Ranger, but not one trace of his heartbreak showed on his face, not one thing that could be used to hurt Faramir. “Will you still give me to your guards, or keep me for yourself?” he asked, forcing himself to stay close to Dorvane, and willing his fingers to caress the flushed skin beneath his hands to prove to both Dorvane and to himself that he could – and would – be the perfect lover and would honor their bargain for as long as he lived.
Dorvane almost shuddered as Haldir’s finger moved down his chest that way and he shook his head slowly. His heart leapt triumphantly, Haldir would be his and his alone. “You will belong to me and me alone, no other will ever take you but me. Do not believe that all of the games will stop but you will be tended to afterwards. You will serve me and you will live in my quarters… but I may ask you to do things with others from time to time… I enjoy watching you but you will never be taken by them… only by me,” he said firmly. No one else was to ever touch Haldir after today, he was to be truly his now. Something he’d wanted for years. Dorvane had to fight back the smirk that wished to escape at the thought of finally, finally finding a way to get what he wanted for so long.
Thankful for this one mercy, Haldir nodded and ran the flat of his hand over Dorvane’s nipple. “Then give me this night, Dorvane, and as of tomorrow, I will be your lover in every way imaginable.” Gods, he hated the sound of his voice, of his words, but it was something he would have to get used to. With his connections to Saruman, Dorvane would always be able to find Faramir, and so his performance must be good… and permanent.
Reacting to the sound of Haldir’s voice and the feel of his hand moving against him, Dorvane nodded slowly. “Then you will have tonight, in the morning the Ranger will be gone before you wake and you will then move to my chambers. You may even learn to truly enjoy it there. I am no fool. I know you are doing this for your Ranger… but you may one day enjoy being with me,” the man said as he finally stepped back from the Elf, his body showing just how much he wanted the creature. “Go to him now… make your own memories for his will be gone by morning… and do not ever say I did not do anything kind for you.”
A small, sad smile touched Haldir’s lips as he headed toward the door. He would never learn to enjoy sharing with Dorvane what he only wished to share with Faramir, but at least he could learn to tolerate it. He stopped, turned and nodded toward the man he had spent the last 8 years hating and would spend the next few decades pretending to care for. “Thank you, Dorvane, for your kindness. I will not disappoint you.” With that, he was gone, ignoring the shocked look on the guards faces as he made his way unfettered back down the hallway toward the rooms he shared with Faramir.
Faramir was nearly mad with worry when the door opened and he stood gaping at his lover as he entered. There was no blood, no guards, no limping… he was… fine. “Oh Gods, I was so worried,” he blurted out as he rushed to Haldir and wrapped his arms around him. “You are all right? They… they did not hurt you?”
“No, they had a change of plans and did not even touch me.” Haldir hugged Faramir tightly against him for a moment, and then gently released him, for the first time avoiding his basest desire to kiss him. “I need to bathe though,” he said, regretfully disentangling himself from his lover. “I will only be a moment, but I feel filthy.” He headed toward the bath that Faramir had thoughtfully already drawn, anticipating having to help Haldir clean himself when he returned. Before he got halfway to the tub however, he stopped, studied Faramir’s dear face for a moment and smiled. “I love you, Faramir. You know that, don’t you?”
Faramir was surprised but grateful that Haldir had not been harmed. Perhaps Dorvane had been called away by Saruman for something. At any rate he was glad that Haldir wasn’t in any pain. He saw some marks on his wrists, just light red ones so they’d apparently shackled him but gotten no further. He smiled when Haldir spoke and he nodded. “Of course I do and I love you,” he said as he crossed the room to the tub. “Here… let me wash your back. I was so worried, I feared you would be punished worse after what happened a few days ago,” he said as he sat on a stool next to the tub.
Haldir stopped and rinsed his mouth out with the strong tea several times, wanting to erase the taste of Dorvane’s kiss from his lips and his memory, then turned and stepped in the tub. “Nay, he did not punish me for that,” he said softly, tucking the hair back behind both of his lover’s ears and gently letting his thumbs run over Faramir’s cheeks. “Why don’t you wash my back while you’re in the tub with me? I… I’m tired and just want to feel you close, guren.”
Faramir smiled feeling relieved when Haldir said he hadn’t been punished, obviously he could see that but hearing it made Faramir relax even more. He stood then and crawled into the tub, not needing a second request to be close to Haldir, especially after having been so worried. Once he was settled in the warm water, Faramir reached out for the soap and a soft cloth. “I am so glad you are all right… I was so worried, love. I imagined all of these absolutely horrible things and now I’m so glad to see you unhurt it is almost overwhelming,” he whispered pressing a soft kiss to Haldir’s shoulder.
Closing his eyes, Haldir sighed and rested back against his lover, taking both of Faramir’s arms and wrapping around his chest, ignoring the soap and cloth for the moment. He was glad Faramir couldn’t see his face right then, because his eyes were filled with tears he knew he must hide, and his face was pale and miserable at the thoughts of never seeing this incredible man he’d fallen so deeply in love with again. Turning his head to the side, he pressed his lips against Faramir and kissed him, softly at first, then with a growing, almost desperate need, trying to deny that this would be their last time together, but knowing it was true. Gods, Faramir, how am I possibly going to survive without you? How am I going to let Dorvane take me night after night when all I can think of is you?
Faramir was taken off guard by Haldir’s kiss, it seemed desperate and needy, and though he thoroughly enjoyed it, it was surprising all the same. Perhaps it was because they were given yet another reprieve. Things might change tomorrow, they could both be beaten, raped or tortured again but tonight they were both free of pain and could love one another without worry. Twisting a little in the tub, Faramir pressed his growing arousal against Haldir’s hip, letting him know what his incredible kiss was doing to him.
Haldir finally turned in the tub, splashing quite a bit of water onto the floor around them, and pulled Faramir into his lap. He’d schooled his features to hide his sorrow, or at least, he hoped he had, and let his hands run over his lover’s back and sides, doing his best to memorize absolutely every inch of him. “Why don’t we worry about my back later?” he asked, putting the soap and washcloth away. One hand moved between them he ran his index finger over Faramir’s opening, which was still stretched from earlier that morning. “You’re still ready from this morning, and Gods, I need you, love.” His voice almost broke, but he hid the fact by burying his face against Faramir’s neck and nibbling on his skin, muffling his words anyway.
Feeling his body shifted by powerful arms, Faramir straddled his lover, feeling the heat of his body against his own skin. He gasped when Haldir’s fingers touched him and couldn’t help rocking back against the probing digits. “I need you too,” he whispered, gasping as Haldir’s mouth worked at a sensitive spot on his neck. His own hand trailed down and wrapped around his lover’s sex trapped between them, squeezing gently as he stroked slowly. They did not get many opportunities to be with each other this way… completely free of pain. “Make love to me… pretend that we are far from here in our own home we share,” he whispered a dream they often shared.
Reaching beside them for the small vial of bath oil they were allowed, Haldir slicked his fingers and inserted one, then two fingers deep inside his lover, moaning as Faramir stroked him. Dorvane had seemed so entranced by his offer, and his kiss, that he felt certain the submission ring would not be used on either one of them tonight so he let go of the one worry he always had of being in the middle of making love with Faramir and feeling the intense, burning pain of the ring being turned up suddenly. His fingers curled and found his lover’s sweet spot, rubbing it relentlessly as he shifted his hips, lightly thrusting up into Faramir’s knowing grasp. “In our own home,” he agreed, pressing his lips against warm, sweet skin. “Free, and happy and with no one watching or caring what we do, or when we do it…”
Faramir’s moan joined Haldir’s as they moved together and he thought for a moment that right now he and Haldir felt free if just for tonight. One hand continued to stroke his lover as the other rose to grip Haldir’s shoulder for balance. His head fell back as he closed his eyes and rocked his hips. It was incredible to feel Haldir touching him and be completely free of any pain at all, no pain from being beaten or taken roughly… no sore muscles from being tied up, no rawness to burn in the water. It truly was as if they were away from this horrid place in a place of their own. “Oh Gods, love… please hurry, I need to feel you inside me,” he whispered brokenly as his body continued to move against Haldir’s.
Haldir kept working his fingers deep inside his lover as he reached for the oil once again and slicked his shaft as well as he could in the water. Cupping each globe of Faramir’s backside in one hand, the Elf pulled them wide apart and guided Faramir’s body until it was poised just over his erection. He brushed the swollen head over puckered skin a few times, lined himself up, then wrapped both arms around his lover, kissing him deeply once again as he guided him down over the stiff flesh, sheathing himself slowly and carefully; letting his hands and mouth and body show Faramir just how much he meant to him, treating him as if he were the most precious, most treasured gift on all of Arda – which is exactly how Haldir saw him.
Almost dizzy with need, Faramir hardly realized his hips were rocking against Haldir’s fingers driving them deeper until his lover drew away to slick himself and then lift Faramir’s body. He gasped, as his body was breeched with the slick heat of his lover, taking him in slowly his mouth was captured in a deep breath-stealing kiss. It was almost overpowering the way that Haldir was holding him and kissing him, as if they were never going to be together again which was ridiculous but then again they never knew when Dorvane and the others would hurt them so badly they couldn’t share this physical connection. After a long moment, his body adjusted to his lover’s and Faramir broke away from the kiss breathing heavily. “Gods,” he whispered and rocked his hips slowly. “You feel so perfect inside me.”
But you will not remember that tomorrow. Haldir blinked back his tears and concentrated on this moment, when the man he loved was wrapped around him, giving of himself completely, loved and being loved, saying goodbye in the most loving way possible, though he had no idea he was doing so. Long Elven fingers spread wide and kneaded Faramir’s backside, lifting him easily until the flesh buried inside him was almost free, then guiding him back down again, an endless dance of love and devotion that Haldir would remember for the rest of his immortal life. He reached between them, locking his fingers just below Faramir’s submission ring and tugged lightly on the swollen flesh. “Ride me guren… take as long as you can, and let me watch you come.”
Faramir could not see the pain in Haldir’s eyes because his own eyes were closed but he could feel the need in his lover. He was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of being made love to this way, his hands gripped his lover’s shoulders, his fingers flexing against strong muscles as he rocked in his lap. Each movement seemed to drive the hard shaft deeper inside him, his body opening to his lover more and more as they moved. A low moan was dragged from him as Haldir’s hand wrapped around him and he felt his heart trip in his chest as Haldir spoke. His eyes opened then and locked with brilliant blue which were dark with lust and sparkling with something that Faramir couldn’t comprehend. “I love you,” he murmured breathlessly as he continued to move, his body driving him toward completion even though he wanted this to last, so he concentrated on holding on as long as he could as he moved.
The Ring of Submission had its uses if one knew how to take advantage of them. Release was more difficult to achieve with the ring so tightly fastened around Faramir’s genitals, but the flushed skin was more full and more sensitive to any little touch as well. Haldir moved slowly, meeting Faramir thrust for thrust, letting the tip of his arousal brush over his lover’s sweet spot as his hand continued to massage and tease the swollen cock and balls that rested against his palm. His free hand kept Faramir close, kissing, nibbling on warm skin when they had to pull away for air, marking his shoulders, clavicles, neck, desperate for some way, if it was only temporary, to make sure that at least subconsciously, Faramir might know that he was loved, though his mind would never remember it. “I love you,” he whispered as they continued their sensual dance. He bit back his tears, knowing that Faramir would understand what he was saying on one level, but that his words held a whole other meaning on another. “When we have our own little home, and grow old together, when we dance and walk and make love and curl around each other while we sleep. Always know that, and never let any doubt fill your heart.”
“Never, love… never any doubts,” Faramir whispered not knowing what lay ahead for him in the morning. He moved at a sensual pace, rolling his hips as they moved together, his muscles clenching and releasing around his lover’s length buried inside him. He could feel his release building but the ring around him and Haldir’s hand held him back, just on the edge, dragging the moment out and driving the breath from him with each incredibly deep thrust that brushed solidly against that perfect spot inside him. “So close,” he whispered shakily as his lips found Haldir’s again sucking on his tongue as they moved.
The kiss deepened and Haldir too, was close to loosing all control. One hand rested on the small of his lover’s back, holding him steady, as Haldir himself began to thrust up, harder and deeper with every passing moment. His other hand began stroking Faramir’s length, the thumb running over the head to gather the slick fluid that seeped out, slicking his skin even in the now tepid water, so that Faramir’s shaft felt as firmly surrounded by clenching, velvety muscles as Haldir’s did. With one final deep thrust, Haldir aimed and squarely hit that small bundle of nerves buried deep inside his lover, and cried out, the sound lost in the sweetness of the mouth sealed over his, the only mouth and lips – and the only man – he ever wanted to kiss again.
When Haldir began to thrust hard and faster with him, Faramir felt his muscles tense his entire body on the very edge of losing control as they moved. The feeling of Haldir’s hand firmly wrapped around him, sliding along his shaft with each shift of his hips made the man tremble and when his lover thrust up into him, slamming into his prostate, Faramir screamed against his lips. It was as if his entire body drew tight for a moment and then shattered into a million tiny pieces as he came hard, his vision dimming and his body still moving, milking every single moment of pleasure he could from his lover. Gods, it had felt as if they were one and somehow more special than any other time they had made love before. His body was warm and shuddering as he drew away from the deep kiss, his forehead resting on a strong shoulder as he tried to calm his breathing. His muscles were still clenched tight around his lover, almost as if even that way, he didn’t wish to let him go.
They came together, muscles milking swollen shafts, bodies tensing, shaking, then finding their release as one being, and for those precious, perfect moments, they were as close as two beings could be, both physically and spiritually. Haldir wondered how it was possible Faramir could be made to forget this moment, but, given Saruman’s power, he knew it was possible. As the last of his seed was released deep inside Faramir’s body, Haldir simply held on to him, shivering slightly, murmuring sweet, soft words against his skin, saying goodbye without really saying the words. When he pulled away, he avoided Faramir’s eyes, by simply closing his own and rested his head against his lover’s shoulder. “Let’s not sleep tonight, guren,” he whispered. “Let’s make love and talk and dream about our lives outside of this place, and let me just…” He stopped, forced himself to smile and made an effort to keep his voice steady. “Let me just look at you.”
Sitting back slightly, Faramir looked at Haldir’s face, his eyes were closed but his cheeks were flushed deeply and his lips were swollen and full, his hair was in disarray and Faramir felt a tingle of pride inside him that he was the reason Haldir looked so satisfied. “That sounds wonderful… we should use every opportunity we have to be together like this because we never know when we won’t be able to,” he whispered echoing his earlier thoughts. Instead of pulling away though, Faramir simply relaxed against Haldir for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of still being connected physically. Soon though he felt his lover’s softening sex slide from inside him and he sighed contentedly. “Come on… we can dry one another and curl up in front of the fire for a while,” he said as he finally began to realize how cool the water had become.
?? We never know when we won’t be able to ?? The words made Haldir’s heart ache even worse than before, because he did know. After tonight, they would never make love again, would never even see each other again, and would never know what became of the other. Swallowing back his sorrow, he stood, holding Faramir against him, and encouraged his lover to wrap both legs around his waist. Stepping easily from the tub, he grabbed a towel and carried it with them to the fireplace, not giving a second thought to the wet floor or the mess they’d left behind. Let the guards clean up this room. After tonight, neither he nor Faramir would ever see it.
A moment later, he sat down on the thick fur rug, keeping Faramir close to the fire so he wouldn’t get chilled, and dried his back and shoulders, which were already getting warm from the flames. “Gods, you are more beautiful than even the first-born,” he whispered, unable to keep from smiling at the look on Faramir’s dear face. “Every moment of these last eight years is all worth it, every time you look at me like that, with those sparkling eyes and that wicked little smile that tells me you know you have me wrapped around your little finger.”
Haldir seemed so serious tonight as he stood and Faramir automatically held onto him, somehow just knowing that Haldir wanted him as close as possible for some reason. Watery footprints trailed across the floor to the hearth but Faramir didn’t notice, instead he rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder and smiled in contentment. This is what their life should be… not fearing when the guards would come. He shivered only a little at the contrast of his cool skin to the warm flames before them and soon warmed up completely as Haldir began to dry him. “I am not beautiful… you are… I am just an average man, love,” Faramir said softly. “You though… you take my breath away,” he whispered shaking his head and lifting Haldir’s hand to kiss it sweetly.
Enjoying the feel of skin on skin, Haldir rested his hand on Faramir’s face after he kissed it and narrowed his eyes. “You argue too much,” he stated firmly. “And there is nothing average about you.” As he spoke, he slipped his arms behind his lover’s back and leaned forward, lovingly placing Faramir on the rug and lying over top of him. “If you take it back…” He began kissing his way down Faramir’s body, stopping only when he reached his now softened sex. “I might just reward you…” Carefully, he licked around the submission ring, slipping his lover’s balls inside his mouth and sucking gently as he rolled them around on his tongue, the wet muscle slipping over and around them as he moved. Then he pulled away, though he let his tongue dip down just a bit to lick teasingly at Faramir’s opening.
Faramir laughed softly and shook his head as Haldir accused him of ‘arguing.’ He didn’t protest at all as he was laid back on the rug and felt Haldir’s body move against his own. His heart jumped as soft lips traveled downward and he found himself watching his lover. “Reward me?” he questioned and then moaned softly as his lover teased him with his mouth. “Oh Gods… take it back? I… I guess I am not just average then? After all… how could I be average when someone so incredible loves me?” Faramir was barely able to finish his sentence when Haldir’s tongue moved against him and he found himself squirming under his lover as his body began to react.
Haldir smiled and slowly pushed his tongue inside his lover’s body, followed by two of his fingers as he gathered his own seed to slick himself. He pulled his hand away, but kept pushing his tongue in and out of the small opening as he twisted his arm and quickly prepared himself. “That’s better,” he managed, as he pulled away and licked over Faramir’s entrance from end to end, then over his already reawakening cock, smiling when long legs automatically spread wider for him. “Now say that you agree with me… that you are beautiful.” His tongue pushed inside the small opening again, deeper this time, as he panted, knowing that with one look Faramir would see that he was stretching himself. “Tell me you are beautiful, love…”
Faramir moaned low in his throat as Haldir’s tongue pressed inside of him, no one had ever done such a thing before and it made him feel even more loved somehow. It was just so very intimate. His legs moved on their own it seemed, opening himself wider and wider to his lover as his sex began to fill and harden once again. He looked at Haldir oddly when he said to tell him that he believed that he, himself was beautiful. Perhaps in Haldir’s eyes he was but Faramir had never considered himself more than average. He started to protest but then caught sight of what Haldir was doing, his words dying on his lips as he stared at his lover for a moment. “I must be beautiful because you want me,” he whispered not entirely saying exactly what Haldir had asked. He felt strange thinking of himself that way but soon he was so caught up in what Haldir was doing that the words fell from his lips easily.
Smiling even as he continued his ministrations, Haldir couldn’t help but be amused at how his lover had side-stepped his little request. “Gods, yes, I want you,” he whispered as he moved back up, then slipped his arms beneath Faramir and rolled them both over so that Faramir was now on top. His legs parted and he reached one arm back around to slide almost lazily back into his lover’s passage. His fingers moved slowly, carefully, as he looked up into blue eyes he would never forget and tilted his hips. “Take me, meleth,” he whispered, still moving two, then three fingers in and out of the still tight passage, fanning them out when they were deep inside to flick lightly over Faramir’s prostate.
Faramir found himself on top of Haldir, his hips moving against his lover as the fingers inside continued to drive his need even higher. He was trembling by the time Haldir whispered to him to take him. Slowly, he moved forward, nudging against his lover’s entrance until just the head of his shaft slipped inside. He held still for a moment as muscles clenched around him and then slowly began to sink forward, all the while feeling his own muscles clench around the fingers buried inside him. Leaning his weight on his arms, Faramir stared down into Haldir’s eyes as he filled him completely, sinking forward until his balls rested against his lover’s backside. “Oh Gods, love,” he whispered as muscles tightened and released around him.
Somehow, for the moment at least, Haldir managed to forget everything but the pleasure in Faramir’s eyes and the sensation of being filled so completely. There was nothing and no one on Arda but the two of them, and he continued both taking and being taken, to love and be loved. Just as before, their lovemaking was slow and sweet, but in the back of his mind, he wanted to drive Faramir mad with desire; wanted to feel him even after he was long gone from this place; to be sore and smile at that soreness every time he sat down, or moved, or had to give a part of himself that he should never have been forced to give. His fingers spread further and moved faster, deeper, harder, as he coaxed Faramir to do the same, and he leaned up to kiss soft, already swollen lips that he was completely addicted to.
Faramir seemed to lose himself in his lover as long fingers moved inside him while he continued to thrust deep inside the clenching passage. Haldir seemed to be driving him to go faster, coaxing him to take him harder than he’d ever done so before except when under the influence of Saruman’s drug. Faramir was helpless to stop himself this time either it seemed, his hips moved faster and faster as he thrust deeper into his lover, each deep thrust seeming to draw a low moan from him against perfect lips. He arched his back even more and reached between them to wrap his hand around Haldir’s shaft trapped between them, his grip firm as he began to stroke him at the same pace their bodies were moving.
Haldir’s back arched up off the rug and he spread himself impossibly wider, opening himself completely to the man he loved and had no second thoughts about giving up his life for. As Faramir thrust even deeper, the Elf continued working his fingers, thankful that at least for now, neither of them was hurt or sore from anything anyone else had done to them recently. The hand on this aching length moved in perfect time with the deep thrusts that seemed to touch his very core and man and Elf moved together in perfect synchronicity. His free hand held on to Faramir’s backside, pushing and relaxing in time with each thrust and he cried out his lover’s name as he spilled hard between them, the delicious soreness from their lovemaking already setting in… and the night was still young.
Faramir couldn’t have slowed his pace or stopped himself if he tried; he was just so caught up in the moment, in the feeling of love and need coursing through him. Haldir seemed to want him more than he’d ever wanted him before and it was quickly driving him to the edge. When he heard his name called out that way, heat spiked through Faramir’s entire body and just as he thrust deep one last time he felt Haldir’s fingers inside him press hard against his prostate and Faramir cried out loudly, his head thrown back as his entire body went rigid as he spilled hot and slick inside his lover.
Slowly, Haldir pulled his fingers from inside his lover and wrapped both arms around him, panting for air, but unwilling to let Faramir off him just yet. He held on tightly, wishing he never had to let go and buried his face in soft, dark hair. “There is so much I wish I could share with you,” he whispered, and then realized that Faramir might question that. He hated lying, hated himself for speaking of dreams he knew would never come true, but couldn’t bear the thought of worrying his lover. “When we leave this place, and have our own, I will show you everything… and I imagine I can learn a lot from you too.” He smiled, then kissed Faramir’s temple, still not looking at him. “If we were free right now, would you marry me, Faramir? In front of Gondor and Lórien, would you take my hand and promise me forever?”
Faramir was startled by how fiercely Haldir held him, as if he was afraid he might simply disappear, though he sank into the embrace anyway. His brow furrowed when Haldir first spoke but when he went on, Faramir felt his heart almost leap from his chest. He drew back slowly, searching Haldir’s eyes and confused by the emotions he saw there. “I would,” he said softly. “I would marry you and promise you forever, pledge my heart and my life and my soul to be yours, Haldir. I will… when we are free of this place we will be married if you still want that then,” he whispered.
Haldir felt like laughing and crying both at once, though the most he could manage was a smile at the moment. “I will want that,” he whispered. “I promise you, guren, I will want that.” His hands moved over now sweat-damp skin and he couldn’t seem to stop touching his lover. “Tell me who you will invite to our wedding, and what you will wear, and what you would like me to wear… and tell me what vows you will write…”
Faramir laughed softly as Haldir smiled at him and asked all about their wedding that he dearly hoped to one day have if and when they managed to escape. “It will be a beautiful clear day, we’ll invite everyone we care about to share the day with us…” he began telling Haldir as he moved to lie beside him on the soft rug and curled his body around his lover’s.
Chapter 12
True to his word, Dorvane made sure that Faramir was gone in the morning. He awoke dressed in his clothes that he was taken in months ago, left in the woods, with no marks, no scars, no memories of what had taken place over the months and no memory of Haldir. He awoke on the hard damp ground strewn with pine needles. Where was he? What happened? The last thing he remembered were two of his men being ambushed but everything after that was a blank. He had a sense that he’d been captured by someone but he couldn’t recall who or what had happened.
Faramir sat up slowly, his body not aching or sore after having spent the night on the cold hard ground as he obviously had. He rubbed his head and looked around and then heard the sound of something moving in the forest. He drew his sword and hid behind an outcropping of rocks, unsure if it were friend or foe.
Within moments the figure stopped moving, dismounted from their horse and stepped into the small clearing where Faramir had been asleep. They could easily see a man had lain there and then they looked up and Faramir gasped. “Boromir?” he asked as he stepped out from his hiding place.
The other man recognized the voice immediately, certain he was only hearing things though, Boromir spun around to face his brother who had been lost for almost three months now. “By the Valar, Faramir we feared you were dead!” he said grabbing his brother and hugging him tightly as tears blurred his eyes. “Gods, you look as if you just stepped out of the citadel not… not lost in the woods for so long.”
Faramir returned the excited hug, but found himself confused. “Lost? Lost in the woods, Boromir I have not been lost in the woods since I was a child.”
“Captured then… what happened, how did you escape?” Boromir asked correcting himself and unable to stop hugging his brother or running his hands over his arms and shoulders as if needing to touch him to make sure he was real.
“Captured? I… I have a sense that I was captured but… but I don’t remember by who or… or what happened. I guess I didn’t have the information they wanted and they let me go… I do not remember anything else. But what do you mean by so long? It was only a day wasn’t it?”
“A day? Faramir I have been searching for you for nearly three months now. Well… after the first three weeks I… I didn’t give up but I had lost hope and had to focus my time on other things, though I always asked about you whenever we captured anyone or came into any villages,” Boromir explained. “I never really stopped looking I just had to try to go on… Gods I can’t believe you are alive. I feared at some point I would find your body, I refused to believe you were dead though until I found proof of it… Father… Gods, he will be pleased you are alive. He has… he has felt badly for the last argument the two of you had because he thought you dead.”
“He always thinks the worst of everything. Gods, I… was gone for almost three months? I remember none of it, Boromir I remember nothing but the night I was captured… I don’t even know where I am now,” Faramir said feeling decidedly uncomfortable and confused and feeling a sense of loss. Something lost but more than just mere memories.
Boromir stared at his brother for a moment and nodded as his voice rose with worry. “You are safe now, that is where you are. You are in Gondor and safe and with me… and Gods, I cannot believe it. Lets get you home, perhaps your memories will return in time and you can tell us what happened. I am so glad to see you, I thought I’d lost you,” he whispered brushing a kiss against his brother’s forehead and wiping a tear away from his eyes.
“I… I wish I remembered what happened…” Faramir said, as he walked after his brother not sure how to react to Boromir’s tears for the first time in his life. He frowned as he climbed on his horse in front of his brother for the ride back to the city. He felt as if there was something important he should be remembering but of course had no idea what it was.
Haldir didn’t say a word as the guards came for Faramir the next morning. They’d come with the clothes he’d been captured in, and Haldir had asked only that he be allowed to dress him, and have one final moment alone. The guards had granted him that, knowing now that Haldir’s status had changed greatly at least as far as Dorvane was concerned.
Faramir’s body was bathed in tears as Haldir dressed him, careful not to let him wake. Just before he laced the top of his tunic, the Elf placed a single kiss over his lover’s heart. “I wish we could have made love in the moonlight,” he whispered. “I know you will never remember me, but here, in your heart of hearts, you will always know, guren, that you are loved.” With that, he wiped away the last of his tears and lovingly handed his still sleeping lover over to the one guard who had treated him kindly at the worst of times. When they were out of sight, he was lead to Dorvane’s room, where he was told to bathe and wait naked on the bed for his new lover.
Haldir did as he was told; his heart aching and his eyes still red with tears as he bathed. Finally, he realized that he had a part to play… and if Dorvane saw the tears, or found him lacking in any way, then Faramir would pay with his life. He cleaned his face with cold water, took a deep breath, and closed off a part of his heart he never intended to open again. When Dorvane entered his chambers, Haldir was in bed, lying on his side, smiling invitingly at his new master. “I wondered how long I would have to wait,” he said softly. “I am here, cleaned and ready, just as you requested.”
Dorvane had made arrangements with Saruman to cast the spell, as Faramir slept in the early morning hours, though Haldir had been careful not to wake the man, nothing short of a heard of Oliphants would have. The spell would insure the man would remember nothing when he awoke later in the woods.
And true to his word, Dorvane made sure a guard had stayed behind, watching from the trees until Saruman’s ‘suggestion’ to his sleeping brother’s mind to travel that part of the forest had taken root. He had held up his end of the bargain beyond what was really necessary but knew that for the Elf seeing the honesty in Dorvane’s eyes about the man would insure his loyalty to a degree.
Running his hands through long straight dark hair, Dorvane smiled as he gazed at Haldir in the center of his bed. He’d always admired the Elf’s body, obsessed over it in the quiet hours of the night. “You look perfect on my bed,” he answered as he crossed the room and began unfastening his tunic.
Feeling sick to his stomach, but keeping his eyes dark and his smile seductive, Haldir moved slowly across the bed and sat up on his knees at the edge, just before Dorvane. He masked his hatred well, and knew that after this night, he wouldn’t be fit to let Faramir touch him even if they did somehow find one another again. After tonight, he knew he would well and truly be Dorvane’s whore. “Let me,” he whispered, somehow managing to keep his hands steady as he gently moved Dorvane’s aside and finished unfastening Dorvane’s tunic. “Besides, I think I would look more perfect on your bed if I weren’t on it alone.” As he spoke, he let his fingers wander to the black leather wristbands Dorvane had worn since the first time he’d seen him. He’d always wondered what they were for, if they were just decoration or if they hid some scar or held some special meaning. Turning both wrists over, he tried to see how they were fastened, but they looked almost as if they were a part of his skin, rather than simple bands.
Dorvane paused as Haldir crawled across the bed smiling at him in a way that he hadn’t known the Elf was capable of. He swallowed hard and stood before him, allowing long slender fingers to finish unfastening the black tunic he wore. “And I think you would look even more perfect riding me,” Dorvane whispered letting his hand move up to touch Haldir’s hair. In the past he’d used it to control him, twisting the golden locks in his hand to pull his head back or down but now he simply let his hand move through his hair. When his hand dropped away again and Haldir’s fingers moved down his arm to his wrist, Dorvane felt his breath catch in his chest. When the Elf captured both hands and turned his hands over to see how the bands were fastened, Dorvane pulled away. “They were placed there by Saruman and… cannot be removed,” he said firmly not wishing to explain anything more, he reached out and caressed Haldir’s shoulders softly and changed the subject. “By the Valar, you are beautiful. I have always thought that, I think you have always known that have you not?”
Haldir let his hands run over Dorvane’s broad chest and looked up to meet his gaze. He was curious about the bands, wondering why Saruman would mark anyone – especially someone as cruel and cold as Dorvane in such a manner, but thought it best not to ask. His position, while elevated somewhat, was still a slave, and he couldn’t afford to anger Dorvane or push him to speak of things he obviously wished to avoid. Instead, he concentrated on the conversation at hand. “I had thought it,” he confessed, pressing his palms over his ‘lover’s’ nipples and scratching them lightly with his fingernails. “But you always took such pleasure in marking my face, or letting your guards beat me until I thought surely I would be nothing but a mass of scars, so I was never certain.” He slowly and sensuously pushed the tunic from Dorvane’s shoulders leaning up so that his breath ghosted over the man’s ear. “Do you always hurt what you think beautiful?”
Dorvane felt the scratch of Haldir’s fingernails go straight to his sex and bit back a gasp of pleasure. “I never thought you would ever accept me… but you know you would never have had scars. Saruman’s magic assured me of that…” He paused as Haldir whispered against his ear and drew back to look at him seriously. “I hurt you most when you fought me… you are very stubborn.” His hands moved down from Haldir’s hair to his shoulders and smoothed down over his skin slowly as he gazed into deep blue eyes.
Haldir, now using his body and not his heart, smiled and leaned back into the surprisingly gentle touch. “Part of what attracted you was my stubbornness, was it not, Dorvane?” His fingers curled just under the waistband of Dorvane’s breeches and tugged lightly, long fingers making quick work of the lacings he found there, but he didn’t push them down just yet. Instead, he lifted one hand and, mimicking Dorvane’s movements, gathered long, dark hair around his palm, like the man had done to him so many times to control him… yet he let go at once, surprised at how clean and soft it felt. It was nothing like Faramir’s of course, but… ??No. Forget him as he has been made to forget you. You are Dorvane’s whore now, and you must act like it. ?? “Had I broken that first day, or even that first year, would you still have wanted me? Or do you prefer someone like you – strong, stubborn… and patient?”
Dorvane was surprised at how easy the Elf was being with him, his hands moving against his skin as if he truly wanted him (just as he had promised). His eyes narrowed when a hand wrapped in his hair that way, something that he’d done to Haldir thousands of times over the past eight years but the Elf didn’t pull or twist, simply let the hair fall from his hand easily. He licked his lips and shook his head. “No, likely I would not have… at first I could not stand you at all but… soon enough you grew on me I must admit… though I know I never made it easy on you. You didn’t seem to want things to be easy,” he paused then, not wishing to bring up the other man though the next words would have been ‘until Faramir came.’ Instead of going on, Dorvane leaned down and captured Haldir’s lips, the kiss they’d shared the day before something he hadn’t been able to get off his mind since.
Though his heart was not in the kiss, no one but Faramir would have ever sensed that something was missing. Haldir’s lips parted and his arms wound around Dorvane’s body. His eyes closed, long lashes brushing over the curve of his cheek and he let Dorvane explore every crevice of his mouth, knowing he would even taste the small mints he had taken the time to eat after his bath. At all costs, Dorvane must be kept happy, and Haldir intended to do everything in his power to keep him that way. His hand rested at the back of Dorvane’s neck, a neck he could easily have snapped without a second thought, but instead, his fingertips gently worked the stiff muscles and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, moaning softly as he felt Dorvane’s erection pressing against his thigh. With his own heart shut away so securely, it was easy enough for Haldir to let himself grow aroused, and he turned slightly, so that Dorvane could feel his reaction to the kiss as well.
Still unable to believe the Elf was truly kissing him back this way, Dorvane found himself caught up in it, his tongue exploring every inch of Haldir’s mouth, pleased with the way the Elf reacted. His hands wound into golden hair as he controlled the kiss; tipping Haldir’s head back even further and feasting on his lips. He’d not shared this sort of intimacy with anyone but the Elf in years but he opened himself to it, because Haldir was the one person who could never hurt him. He knew he wasn’t loved by the Elf and though he was nearly obsessed with the creature, he thought that he could control that obsession. When he heard and felt the soft moan and then felt the evidence of Haldir’s arousal without the use of the submission ring, Dorvane pulled away from the kiss and stared into lust darkened eyes. “Tell me you want me.”
I would want Sauron himself if it would keep Faramir safe. The thought raced through Haldir’s mind, but not even a glimmer of it could be seen in his eyes. He met Dorvane’s gaze squarely, breathing heavily as his hands rested on the slim hips of the man who had taken him without words or kisses for the last eight years and now, oddly enough, wanted both. “I want you, Dorvane,” he said softly, reaching for the man’s free hand and pressing it against his own hard flesh. “There is proof enough of that.”
Dorvane watched Haldir’s eyes closely as the Elf spoke, believing him as he spoke and nodded. Growing impatient, he pushed his breeches down and stepped out of his boots. He leaned down and kissed Haldir again, pulling him to the edge of the bed and against his now naked body. “I want you to ride me,” he whispered against Haldir’s throat as he sucked at the pale skin. He had thought about it since the night before, what he wanted Haldir to do tonight. Dorvane had considered several scenarios but the one that kept coming to him was this… Haldir giving to him in a way that was truly like a lover… facing him, having no choice but to face him. “And I want your eyes to remain open… I want you to see that it is me you are with and no other.”
Haldir tilted his head back and closed his eyes, thinking about nothing but the lips on his skin and the hands touching him so possessively. He pulled Dorvane up onto the bed, capturing his lips again in another kiss as one hand slid between them and wrapped around his lover’s straining flesh, tugging lightly. “I will ride you,” he murmured, rolling them over until he was laying on top of Dorvane and looking down at him, his hips shifting so that their arousals ground against one another’s, the only thing between them the tight gold ring around his sex. He reached beside them on the nightstand and dipping his fingers in the jar of oil sitting there and slowly began to slick Dorvane’s rather substantial cock. “Do you want me like this, or shall I prepare myself first?”
Pleased by the way that Haldir was giving himself over to him, Dorvane’s hands continued to move over smooth perfect skin even as the Elf rolled on top of him. His hips shifted to meet his lover’s and he licked his lips as he lay back on the bed and regarded the Elf. “Prepare yourself… I did promise that this between us would be different than all the times before… and it will. As long as you obey me, as long as you follow my rules, you will never be hurt or punished unless it is part of a game and then I will have explained it fully to you beforehand. You will belong to me in every way, Haldir but it will be mostly as a lover only sometimes a slave,” he said carefully reiterating what they spoke of during their agreement the day before.
Surprised that Dorvane didn’t want to see him in pain, Haldir nodded and leaned down to lick at his neck. He couldn’t think of what this man had almost done to Faramir only a few days before; couldn’t think of all the times he’d hurt them both. He had been broken, and broken Elves lived in the present, not in the past. “Aye, Dorvane,” he whispered, dipping his fingers in the oil again and sliding off his lover to lay on his side, knowing Dorvane would want to see the preparation. He lifted one leg up in the air, and trailed his fingers down, down over his cock and balls, over the shining golden ring, over the ever present piercing with the small jewel in the center, and then slid two fingers deep inside his entrance. He watched Dorvane’s face closely as he did so, noting the way dark eyes grew darker as he twisted and scissored his fingers, then added a third finger, opening himself up even more. He was sore from the night before, just as he wanted to be, and despite that part of him being unreachable, a faint glimmer of a smile touched his lips; a smile he knew Dorvane would think was for him. “You have the thickest cock of all the men you let take me,” he said, stroking Dorvane’s ego. “Had I ever had the opportunity to prepare myself, I always knew I would use three, if not four fingers.”
Dorvane settled on his side, watching Haldir, marveling at the flexibility of his body and the way that he was preparing himself. He rarely if ever afforded any preparation to any of the slaves in the camp though he had a time or two if he felt generous. Tonight he was feeling extremely generous after having won his prize after so long. All of the slaves in the camp, those Haldir didn’t even know existed should be grateful to the Elf tonight and perhaps other nights as he would be generous enough not to use their submission rings on them tonight. He smiled as Haldir spoke of his… natural attributes and his eyes widened even further as he watched a fourth finger disappear inside the Elf’s body. “You do that so beautifully, I should have thought to ask you to do it before now,” he whispered as his hand reached out and ran down the smooth skin of the Elf’s chest, tweaking a nipple though not hard like he normally did, this time almost… playfully.
His hips shifted of their own accord and Haldir actually found pleasure as his fingers explored his passage. He moaned softly as Dorvane’s hand moved over him, biting his bottom lip in anticipation of the hard pinch and twist he usually received, and simply gasped at the gentle touch. After a moment, he pulled his fingers away and resisted the urge to touch himself, instinctively knowing that Dorvane would not be pleased if he did. Instead, his fingers moved over to cup the other man’s balls, a test of trust he knew, though his fingers moved quickly on to Dorvane’s cock and stroked it once more with the oil. Trust. He had to gain and keep Dorvane’s trust and never let that trust waver. “May I ride you now, Dorvane?” he asked, letting the fingers drift back down to massage the heavy sac that could disable a man in a heartbeat… as Haldir well knew from his experiences with the submission ring.
Haldir’s soft needy sounding moan went straight to his sex. This was much better than his screams he managed to wring from him sometimes, though he enjoyed those too, this was better because they were freely given. Licking his lips he watched as the Elf pulled his fingers away from his body and his own stilled as fingers explored him. He lay perfectly immobile for a moment, almost holding his breath and wanting to know for certain if he would be needing to cancel their agreement by screaming for the guards and having Saruman’s men find the Gondorian ranger. But the Elf’s touch remained light and teasing and then he began to coat him with the oil. He nodded at once. “Yes,” he said leaning against the pillows at the headboard. “Show me how much you want me.”
Haldir immediately straddled Dorvane’s thighs, then moved up, brushing their erections together once more as he lifted his hips and positioned the rigid shaft against his entrance. Both hands reached back to spread his backside and he moved down just enough so that the head of Dorvane’s cock was buried inside him. The one small part of him that was buried deep but could feel, wept bitterly, but the rest of him, the Elf that he was now, reached up, grasped the headboard and sank slowly down on the thick shaft that had hurt him so many times, and would now, Valar willing, at least bring him a bit of pleasure this time. His eyes locked with his lover’s and he moaned softly as his body was breached. “Gods, yes,” he whispered, stopping only when his backside rested flush against Dorvane’s thighs and he was fully impaled.
Dorvane watched intently as Haldir moved over him, his hands traveled over every inch of skin he could reach as the Elf positioned himself. He moaned, forcing himself to keep his eyes opened as he watched himself disappear inside the gripping heat of Haldir’s body. He knew that body well but not this way, not wanting to pleasure him without some drug forcing him to. “The Gods have nothing to do with this,” he murmured as his hands gripped Haldir’s hips, though it was a tight grip he wasn’t digging his nails into him, this time he allowed Haldir to move as he wanted, to set the pace for them both. He remained still and knew that the Elf was surprised by that when he looked at him for a moment.
So far, this evening could not have held any more surprises than it had already for Haldir. It seemed as if Dorvane both wanted to take pleasure and wanted to give it as well. Haldir unclenched his hands from the headboard and rested them on his lover’s shoulders, waiting for his body to adjust and leaning forward to press his lips against Dorvane’s as a thank you for giving him that time. When he pulled away, he still felt the remnants of soreness from Faramir’s thrusts only a hours before, and smiled again as he lifted his body up, then sank down again on Dorvane’s flesh. He began to move, not too fast; not to slow, but at a steady pace, taking Dorvane in completely, moving up until he was almost free, then sinking down again, feeling his body stretch to accommodate the swollen length again and again, moaning softly each time the tip brushed over his prostate.
The soft kiss surprised Dorvane but he didn’t say a word as Haldir began to move, his body rocking against Dorvane’s and making his desire for the Elf grow even more. He’d wanted him for so long, and while it could be said he’d had him hundreds if not thousands of times over the last eight years it had never been like this. Logically Dorvane knew it was still not of Haldir’s free will but as long as the pretense was there, the man enjoyed it immensely. Long fingers reached out to wrap around Haldir’s arousal jutting up between them and he smiled just a little as he felt a slight tensing of his lover’s muscles around him. He could be an incredibly cruel man, but tonight he would not be, tonight he wanted to make Haldir feel like a lover… not every night would be that way but tonight that was what Dorvane wanted. He began to stroke him, matching the pace that Haldir had already set for them as he thrust up into the seemingly willing body.
Fighting the urge to let his head fall back and pretend Dorvane was … well, not Dorvane, Haldir’s movements became more erratic. He moved down on the shaft inside him, then thrust up into Dorvane’s hand, the same hand that had cause him so much pain and was now giving him pleasure as he fisted Haldir’s weeping flesh. Behind those dark eyes he never looked away from, he could almost see the man Dorvane could be, had he been stripped of all the cruelty and maliciousness he had doled out over the last years. This side of him came as a complete surprise to the Elf, and though it changed his hatred of him not one bit, it at least made him wish he had known the other man that lived behind those eyes; maybe even had been his friend. Their intimacy was gentle, and to Haldir’s shame, he would do almost anything to keep it that way, to avoid the beatings and the toys, the humiliation and the pain. Dorvane seemed to like his kisses, so he leaned forward again and kissed him deeply as he continued to move, his hips grinding up and down faster with each thrust, his hands clenching at Dorvane’s neck and shoulders. He worked his internal muscles as he moved, hoping to bring his lover to the edge, hoping he too would be allowed his release, though the ring made it a bit more difficult for him than for Dorvane.
When Haldir leaned forward and began kissing him again, Dorvane’s hand continued to move between them as the other sank into the hair at the back of Haldir’s head, kissing deeply, sucking on the Elf’s tongue as his hips began to move faster thrusting up into his lover. The feeling of tight muscles clenching around him and the thought that Haldir was actually enjoying this brought Dorvane to the edge quicker than he hoped, but they had all night… every night from now on. He exploded, crying out as his hips arched up off the bed and thrust himself deeper into his lover and drew away from the kiss. “Come for me, Haldir,” he whispered as his hand moved even faster as he rode out his own release and continued to pump his hips. “I want to watch you.”
Shuddering and panting for air, Haldir moaned loudly and adjusted the angle of his hips just slightly so that Dorvane’s still thrusting flesh brushed over his sweet spot. Given permission, he cried out softly and let go, his release spurting over Dorvane’s chest and stomach, then again over his still stroking fingers. Faramir’s beloved face flashed through his mind at that moment, but he had enough control not to say his name or even let that glimmer of happiness his love’s smile brought to his eyes be seen. His hips moved slightly as he rode out the last vestiges of his orgasm and he leaned back, Dorvane’s flesh still buried deep inside him, his entire body shivering despite being covered in sweat. He wanted to collapse on the bed, but at the last minute remembered his place and ran his fingertips over Dorvane’s chest. “Shall I clean us up or do you prefer to bathe afterward?” he asked softly, not sure what was expected of him.
Watching Haldir come this way, face to face he’d never done in all the times he’d ever taken him. Never had he looked into his eyes or watched the way his lips parted as he lost control and never had he heard him cry out that way. It was enough to make his spent organ twitch inside the Elf. He too was panting as he finally let go of his lover’s shaft and took a deep breath. “I prefer to bathe… that is why even slave quarters have such nice bathing facilities,” he said shifting but not allowing Haldir to pull away from him. He held the Elf close and managed to move to the edge of the bed, his spent shaft still buried inside his lover as he stood, finally slipping from him as he carried the elf to the large tub. “You will bathe with me each night,” he said thinking now was a good time to begin speaking of ground rules between them.
Once more shocked at this side of Dorvane and wondering how long it would last, Haldir nodded and wrapped his legs around the man’s waist. He could do this. For Faramir, he could do anything. Leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Dorvane’s neck, Haldir began to nibble lightly at the carotid vein on the side, smiling as he felt Dorvane shiver beneath him. “And may I wash your hair?” he asked softly, “and all the most interesting parts like this spot on your neck, or these hard little nipples…” he paused and gave each nipple a gentle tweak – “and the larger, most interesting parts as well, Dorvane? Or do you prefer that I keep my curious hands to myself while we bathe?”
Dorvane rarely truly ever smiled; rarely did he ever have a reason to allow himself to smile with any real humor. Most smiles were tinged with arrogance, spite or malice but Haldir’s teasing words spoken like a true lover would speak, made him smile. It almost felt awkward upon his lips as he did so and he stared at the Elf for a moment, knowing that part of all of this was pretense alone. Deep down he knew the Elf did not really want him but he allowed himself to pretend as well. “You may my beautiful Elf,” he said softly and looked at him for a moment. “I cannot promise every night will be like tonight… you know there are things I enjoy that are not… as pleasant as this… but I hope the nights like this make it easier and knowing that only I will be the one touching you… the guards will never touch you ever again unless of course they want me to kill them… painfully.”
Haldir’s eyes clouded at the reference to other nights, ones filled with pain and Valar only knew what else… but he could only hope those nights were few and far between. He knew Dorvane desired him, thought him beautiful, and could even be kind when he wanted to be… so why did he still feel the need to hurt him? Was taking away the only person he loved and knowing that that person would never even remember him not pain enough? He looked away for a moment, and nodded, though he said nothing. He knew this was part of their agreement; it was simply that he was better prepared to deal with it when he wasn’t nursing a broken heart as well. “You are possessive,” he said softly, hoping he hadn’t angered Dorvane with his silence as they spoke of the other aspects of his new life. It seemed for now, that everything he said or did made him worry that somehow, he would cause harm to come to Faramir, though he hadn’t hesitated on purpose. “I am glad, for the guards are filthy.”
Dorvane noticed how blue eyes clouded and looked away from him for the briefest span of time before he spoke and he tilted his head for a moment to regard him. Dorvane licked his lips slowly, still tasting Haldir’s unique flavor there as he did so. “The guards are filthy… and why I always took you before them… you do not like the idea of the other things I like. Do you think that I have enough other slaves to satisfy that need why should I need to do that here in the privacy of my chambers with you? You may answer honestly, Haldir, it is not a test… and I am not wearing your ring,” he said knowing that the Elf hadn’t noticed that the ring he wore was a ring that belonged to one of the other slaves who had angered him earlier that afternoon. One that might have been punished tonight had things not gone as well as they had, but he was in a generous mood now.
Haldir’s eyes grew wide as he saw Dorvane’s ring was, indeed, not the one that controlled the golden submission ring that had caused him untold agony over the last years. He met Dorvane’s gaze, his bare legs still wrapped around his lover’s waist and hesitated only for a moment. “If I give you the wrong answer, will the slave on the other end of that ring pay instead of me then?” he asked softly. “Forgive me for asking, Dorvane, but I am as yet still unsure of your rules.”
Dorvane shook his head slowly. “You have made me feel generous tonight… that slave angered me today but no, I will not. I said that this was not a test; there are no wrong answers to my question. I wish you to be honest…” He paused and slipped the ring from his finger and set it on a small ledge near the tub. “Does that help?”
Haldir looked at the ring in silence for a moment and then nodded. “You have hurt me in more ways than I can count over the last eight years,” he whispered, hoping to soften his words by combing his fingers though long, dark hair. “You have almost broken me a thousand times, and had it not been for the healing spell on my quarters as I left – not as I came back mind you, but as I left – I would have died at least a dozen times. I have done everything in my power to bring you pleasure tonight, yet still you wish to see me in pain? I do not wish for my pain to be doled out on any other slave, no, but… why must there be pain at all? Or at least… so much of it? Did you not enjoy what we shared tonight, Dorvane, or was it not enough? I simply… I am not trying to be difficult or stubborn, for you know you have broken me, but… I simply wish to understand.”
Watching Haldir carefully as the Elf spoke, Dorvane relaxed back against the side of the tub as gentle fingers moved through his hair. He looked away for a moment as Haldir spoke of the pain he had doled out to him over the years. He had been incredibly cruel, especially when he thought he would never have the Elf; thought he would never break him, never possess him the way he truly wished to. His eyes moved back to meet Haldir’s questioning gaze and he shook his head. “You are not being difficult, I told you to be honest and you have. I… have known little in my life of gentleness… I have never known what it was to have someone simply want me for me in… in a long…” he paused and shook his head. “Possibly ever… and I know that you do not truly want me, I am not foolish enough to believe that, but you are good at pretending at least. If it will mean more to you… make it easier to pretend like you have tonight… to make me actually believe it even when I know it isn’t true… I will promise not to do things that will hurt you. I have kept my promises so far,” he said carefully. He didn’t wish to bring up the Ranger really but if he must make assurances he would.
Unable to look away as Dorvane spoke, Haldir wondered about the man’s past. Had he once been a gentle and loving man, turned into someone else by a lover, a family member, a captor? For a moment, despite everything he had done, Haldir felt sadness for the man Dorvane could have been. He belonged to Dorvane now, however, and though he still didn’t understand this idea of hurting someone you wanted, he had promised to please him. Leaning forward, he rested his head on Dorvane’s shoulder and tentatively put his arms around him. “You have kept your promises, and so shall I,” he said softly. “Our deal was that if you let… if you kept your end of the bargain, you could do as you wish with me. If hurting me is what you wish, then I will not argue, and I will always look at you the way I looked at you tonight, Dorvane, I swear.”
Dorvane watched as several emotions passed behind blue eyes looking intently into his own dark ones. He was unaccustomed to someone actually putting their arms around him in this way and for a moment had no idea what to do. Slowly his arms raised and wrapped around the Elf in an awkward hug he supposed. “That was our deal…” he whispered but decided on his own that he would think about what things he might do with the Elf in the future. Perhaps at any rate it would keep the Elf fearing him a bit and the only thing Dorvane knew well was instilling fear in others. “But no pain tonight… I am too tired for it,” he murmured almost half jokingly as he released the Elf and reached for the soap and cloth. “I believe you were going to wash me?”
Haldir leaned back, his long, golden hair trailing in the water behind him as he reached for the soap and washcloth. “Aye, I think you are right.” With that, he began soaping Dorvane’s neck and shoulders, then his chest, then rinsed him off and slipped his hand beneath the water. “Now to the more interesting parts,” he teased, trying not to remember all the baths he’d shared with Faramir, or wonder where he was, or if he was safe. Put him out of your mind, you foolish Elf, before you get him killed! He washed Dorvane’s legs and even his feet, then looked up mischievously as his hand brushed over the man’s hard arousal, then wrapped his fingers around it. “Now how did I miss that? What… do you have a sea monster down there you forgot to warn me about, Dorvane?”
Long fingers wrapped around the edges of the tub as Haldir began to clean him. This was one benefit of having Haldir here with him he hadn’t counted on. The pleasure he would get from something like this, it was something he hadn’t known much in his life, someone taking care of him and he relaxed back against the tub actually enjoying himself. Haldir was efficient though playful at times, and his touches were beginning to arouse him again. When a hand wrapped around him and the teasing words fell between them, Dorvane chuckled softly, a foreign sound even to his own ears. “You have a strange sense of humor, Elf,” he said leaning forward and capturing one of Haldir’s hands as he pulled him forward and kissed him, still enjoying the novelty of actually kissing someone.
Nibbling on Dorvane’s bottom lip, Haldir smiled and returned the kiss. When he pulled away, he was still grinning and reached out to tweak Dorvane’s nipple playfully as Dorvane had done to his earlier. “ I did not realize you even had a sense of humor, but you do,” he said honestly. “And I have never heard you laugh before. It is not… an unpleasant sound.”
Enjoying the teasing way that Haldir was kissing him Dorvane actually gasped when his nipple was toyed with and he smiled. “Laughing has not exactly been something I have afforded myself the luxury of very often,” he said after a moment. “You have a lovely smile though… and until tonight I had not witnessed it.” It was true he had not seen Haldir really smile in all the years that he’d been his prisoner, after all what had Dorvane or the guards given the Elf to smile about? Their world was a dark one, devoid of such things… or at least it had been for many years for Dorvane. Taking the washrag from Haldir’s hand, Dorvane soaped it liberally and began to wash the Elf, surprising himself with how much he enjoyed doing so.
There was no way, Haldir knew, to keep himself from dreaming about Faramir when he slept, or daydreaming about him when he was alone; and there was certainly no way to not imagine it was Faramir’s hands moving gently over his skin as Dorvane bathed him, but never, ever would he allow himself the luxury of these thoughts with his eyes open. Occasionally, he would allow his heart to open and his love for his Ranger to surface, but never when Dorvane could possibly catch him. When they were together, he would make his new master laugh and smile, would hopefully teach him about gentleness and tenderness, but in his heart of hearts, where he felt sure he would always hate the man for almost killing Faramir,… well, that part of him would never again see the light of day. “That feels nice,” he murmured, opening his eyes and smiling at Dorvane. “You have gentle hands when you want to, you know. I could get used to this.”
Actually pleased that Haldir seemed to like what he was doing, Dorvane filed the thoughts away as he continued, ignoring both of their arousals until they were nearly finished and then he took Haldir again, this time allowing the Elf to face away from him, leaning over the edge of the tub as Dorvane took him and he did so gently and slowly, draping his body over the Elf’s. He even kissed his back and the back of his neck and stroked him just as a true lover would do and it was indeed pleasing enough that Dorvane at least considered most of the time trying the whole being gentle thing that Haldir seemed to prefer.
Chapter 13
It had been only a few days since Haldir had come to live in Dorvane’s rooms but the two seemed to start falling into a tentative routine. The Elf was playing his part well offering himself readily to Dorvane when he arrived back in the rooms from his duties or offering himself first thing in the morning to him. Haldir acted like a lover would and Dorvane tried his best to treat Haldir as well as he had that first night. It had been pleasant not to beat his partner into submission and it had been more than pleasant to feel as if he was truly desired. Not that he believed for one moment that he was desired by the Elf but the illusion was good enough.
He took the last drink of his tea and stood up, adjusting his black tunic that hugged his body tightly. “I shall be gone until after sunset tonight, I have to see about supplies and provisions that will brought. Feel free to do as you like here in the rooms, I will return after supper time so feel free to send for your meal and eat alone, I will not mind,” Dorvane was pulling on his cloak as he spoke.
Haldir, who was always careful never to stare off into space or even think of anything but Dorvane’s pleasure while they were together nodded and glanced toward the bookcase. “Very well,” he said, shifting on the bed and almost smiling to realize that while they had had sex countless times since his change in status, it had been relatively ‘normal’ – without the beatings or toys. For the first time in years, he wasn’t sore. Though he still hated his new position, at least it wasn’t painful – at least physically. And he had been allowed to find his release. While shameful on one level, it was a relief on another just to lose himself in the pleasure and not think of anything – or anyone else for a few blessed moments. “Oh, I… would like to read another of your books while you are gone if you have no objection.”
“No objections at all,” Dorvane answered simply as he turned back to look at Haldir. “I have said this before but you look good in my bed,” he said almost allowing a small smile to cross his lips. “I shall see you this evening.” He started to head to the door but saw Haldir sit up in the bed almost expectantly and he realized that he expected a kiss. It had become somewhat of a habit over the past few days, the Elf kissed him in greeting when he arrived back in their rooms and kissed him before he left. He suspected the Elf knew how much Dorvane enjoyed the kisses and was simply indulging him to keep him happy but… wasn’t that what Dorvane wanted? He moved back to the bed and leaned down, cupping Haldir’s chin with a gloved hand and pressing his lips against the Elf’s, lingering a bit longer than a simple goodbye kiss. “Enjoy your day,” he whispered as he drew back.
Dorvane’s touch, while still far from the touch he longed for, was at least no longer the bitter pill Haldir had to brace himself for each time the man came near him. His lips tingled from the contact of the surprisingly gentle kiss and his smile was only half-forced but looked completely genuine as he smiled up at his ‘lover.’ Remembering it was his place to keep Dorvane happy, the Elf stood, letting the sheet fall in a heap on the bed, exposing himself completely. He leaned forward and kissed Dorvane in earnest, a bit deeper than Dorvane had kissed him, and a bit longer. “I think I would rather wait and dine with you when you return,” he said as he pulled away. “You do, after all, have to eat too you know.”
Finding himself wishing that he did not have to go and attend to his duties, Dorvane drank in the sight of his naked lover and wished he had not already donned his gloves when his hands caressed Haldir’s back as they kissed. “Hmmm, that I do, you do not have to wait on me, but if you want to… that too is fine. I would like not dining alone…,” he said softly as he drew back, savoring the flavor of the Elf’s lips. His imagination wanted to remember this image, the very idea of the Elf naked and waiting for him in his bed. With that thought filed away in his mind, Dorvane stepped back and smiled just a little. “Until later.”
Haldir nodded and gave Dorvane a final smile. “Until later then,” he agreed, happy that he had seemingly pleased Dorvane with the extra kiss and the request to eat with him. Pleasing the man had been easier than he’d thought it would be quite honestly. Small things, such as kisses given unexpectedly, or touches given freely seemed to make Dorvane happy, and his kindness, while not endearing him to Haldir, had at the very least made Haldir see him in a different light. Perhaps there was another side to this man he’d hated for so long? A reason for his cruelty? A good man buried beneath the evil one? Gods, I hope so, since I will apparently be with him for the rest of his life. With a sigh that no one else heard, Haldir put on a pair of Dorvane’s loose breeches and made his way to the bookshelves, where he chose a book, then settled down on the sofa by the fire to read.
Dorvane left the room swiftly, already slightly behind on his schedule though not about to complain at the reason why that was. He failed to notice that the guard who met him near his doorway was usually assigned at the other side of the farm compound near the livery.
Saruman had made changes that Dorvane did not learn about until he reached his destination. The guards had been moved around to make sure they did not become bored with their tasks. It was something the wizard did every few months to make sure that even the guards were happy and did not step out of line or wish to mutiny.
With this new arrangement the guard who was delivering fresh linens to the slave master’s rooms had no idea that Dorvane had taken a personal slave, the rumor mill had not ground that far to his former place amongst the kitchen staff. He unlocked and pushed open the door, expecting the room to be empty and taken aback when he saw a slave lazing on the master’s couch, reading one of his books. “What are you doing in here?” the guard barked.
Haldir stood quickly, the anger he wasn’t allowed to show at Dorvane now flashing dangerously in his eyes at the guard he remembered well – he’d raped him many times and beaten him often. He wasn’t sure how far he could push, but he did remember Dorvane saying the guards wouldn’t have him, so he figured he was safe, not knowing that this particular guard hadn’t been advised of his new position. “I live here, of course. And you? Come to raid your commander’s room while he is away, Cainor?”
Cainor’s mouth did a fairly good parody of a fish for a moment after the Elf spoke down to him in such haughty tones. He’d teach him soon enough not to talk that way to him. “Live here? Not bloody likely,” he snapped, tossing down the linens he carried on the table and reaching for the rod he carried on his hip to punish or control the slaves. “I don’t know how you got out of your cell and into master Dorvane’s chambers but you won’t do it again once I’m done with you,” Cainor threatened as he moved toward the Elf, ready to capture or hopefully beat the snooty Elf into submission.
“You should check with your superiors first,” the Elf warned, half-crouching and ready to fight, though certain that someone would come and stop them before anything happened. He could easily take one man, but he wasn’t sure what, if any, punishment Dorvane would give him if he did. It was Dorvane himself, however, who had promised him… Gods, there was no time to think this through, as three more guards were suddenly standing in the door. Not the usual guards who knew Haldir and called him Dorvane’s whore under their breath… but guards who were apparently unaware of Haldir’s real reason here. Either way, he was having trouble taking his eyes off that hated rod he’d felt all over his body on hundreds, if not thousands of occasions. Torn between anger and fear, the Elf chanced a glance around the room and wished for some kind of weapon. “I am supposed to be here, Cainor. This is my home now.”
The other guards who were at the door laughed when the Elf said the master’s chambers were his home now. Dorvane had not told them he was keeping a pet. Cainor was angrier than before if that was possible, hearing the Elf tell him to check with his superiors… the nerve of that statement alone grated on him and he lunged forward to grab the Elf, swinging hard with the rod and catching the Elf low on his back as he tried to twist away from him. “You know it’ll be worse if you fight us,” Cainor warned as he reached for the Elf again, annoyed with the other guards laughter. They simply stood in the doorway watching and sneering at him about not being able to catch an Elf.
Gritting his teeth against the pain he was hoping to never feel again, Haldir had the distinct feeling that whatever he did would end up with him being hurt or punished in some very, very unpleasant ways, either by Dorvane or Cainor’s hand. Operating on instinct alone, he lunged for the rod in Cainor’s hand, missed, then ducked out of his way, trying his best to escape. He managed to evade the guard, only to be confronted with the still amused faces of the guards at the door. There was nowhere to go, he realized, then found himself absurdly praying to the Valar for Dorvane’s return. “Worse or not,” he said in a deceptively soft voice, “I will fight you… all of you.”
The laughter that met Haldir’s words almost drowned out the sound of the rod smashing against his body yet again as Cainor trapped him between the table and the other guards. By the time the other three began to help Cainor their master’s room was in a shambles and one of the guards suggested that before they hauled the Elf back to his cell (none of them knew exactly which one it was without having to ask one of the other guards) they threw the Elf down on the floor and began straightening the room. Dorvane hated things to be out of order and particularly hated for the guards to touch anything that belonged to him but they figured he would forgive them this once he found out that the Elf had been in his rooms doing Gods only knew what. As they moved around the room, the guards found it amusing to kick the Elf as they passed him, righting chairs and picking up broken pieces of pottery.
During his few moments of consciousness, Haldir could see little thorough the veil of blood running down into his eyes and his normally golden hair that was matted with blood as well. He hurt all over, and even when he was barely conscious, he could feel the guards kicking and prodding him. He’d held his own for as long as he could, but with no weapon against their rods and whips and clubs, the odds were against him. Again and again, he found himself wishing for the comfort of Faramir’s arms, the soothing touch of his hands and the blissful sound of his voice. Once or twice, however, he imagined Dorvane’s arms around him, warm, hard but gentle, protective. Those thoughts, he rationalized, were because the feeling or Dorvane’s arms were so recent, while every day seemed to pull him further and further away from his beloved Ranger. Another kick to his kidneys caused him to moan and writhe helplessly on the floor as broken bones and bruised muscles protested. He muttered Dorvane’s name, wishing he would just return, throw the guards out and make the pain stop. Anything to make the pain stop.
The guards laughed even harder when they heard the Elf moan for Dorvane. Their laughter ended though when two new guards appeared in the doorway demanding to know what was going on. Cainor told them of finding the Elf in Dorvane’s rooms and how he had set about apprehending the slave to return to his cell. He and the other three guards turned pale when they were informed that the Elf was Dorvane’s personal slave, his whore, and was not to ever be touched by guards unless the Elf was trying to escape. Cainor quickly tried to change his story, tried to recant his story when one of the guards shook his head. “Master Dorvane is not stupid, Cainor, he will know you are lying,” he said smugly.
“Now who is lying? Why are you all here at my rooms? What is going on?” Dorvane asked as he approached. He had not intended to come back to his rooms so early but had forgotten one of the inventory scrolls on his desk when Haldir had distracted him that morning. He noticed how all of the guards suddenly became silent and slowly turned to face him.
“There has been a mistake my lord,” Rainen said carefully. “Cainor has been elsewhere in the compound and did not know… of the new arrangement you have with your Elf.”
At those words, Dorvane rushed forward, seeing Haldir bloodied and broken on the floor and a red haze seemed to fall over his eyes. His bellow of “What have you done!?” made all of them flinch as he shoved roughly past them to roll Haldir over. His eyes were filled with rage as he looked up from the broken Elf and his knife left its sheaf so quickly that none noticed before Cainor was grasping his throat and hitting the floor in a crumpled and bloodied heap, with Dorvane’s knife protruding from his throat. “Take it away… and the rest of you… you helped him do this and you will all pay for it dearly. This Elf is not to be touched… ever. Do I make myself clear? Tell your comrades or they will end up just as your friend here.” With that he turned his back on the guards and lifted Haldir carefully from the floor and carried him to the bed. “Bring me bandages, healing salves and herbs, and water… NOW!”
Guards practically ran into one another to do their master’s bidding, two of them grabbing Cainor’s body and hauling him away.
Haldir was jarred back into consciousness as he was rolled and lifted from the ground, but in his bid to stay silent and not further antagonize the guards, he bit through his bottom lip. He couldn’t hear for the ringing in his ears, but knew someone was carrying him. Assuming it was one of the guards taking him back to his cell and not even taking the time to wonder why a guard would be carrying him so gently, he finally shook his head and tried to push away from the broad chest he was leaning against. “No. Dorvane. Find Dorvane. He… you… I need him. Please… just find him. I am his…”
“Shhhhh,” Dorvane murmured as he began to settle Haldir against the bed. “I am here… I am here, now,” he said softly hoping that it would calm the Elf who seemed in a panic. For a moment he was surprised the Elf was asking for him, he would have assumed he would call out for his Ranger… but he pushed that thought aside as he removed his cloak and gloves and sat down on the bed next to Haldir. He pushed his bloodied hair back from his face and growled at one of the guards as he returned with water and some rags. “Tell Rainen to attend to the inventory, the scroll is on my desk and send someone in two hours with food, can you follow instructions?” he snapped the words and the guard swallowed hard as he nodded. “Yes, my lord,” he said as he scrambled to leave the room. He leaned over Haldir again, “Haldir, I am here, open your eyes if you can,” he said gently, not wanting to scare the Elf who seemed quite traumatized by what had happened. Dorvane didn’t even know the half of it and didn’t care at this point; he just wanted to fix his Elf.
Still struggling feebly, Haldir nonetheless was calmed by the familiar voice. It took him a moment, but he slowly opened his eyes and saw Dorvane. For a moment, it was all so familiar, the pain, the broken bones, the confusion, and Dorvane’s face staring down at him, responsible for it all. He cried out softly and drew away from the man before it all came back to him – in a flash, he realized where he was, what he was, and what had happened. “Please tell them I’m yours,” he whispered hoarsely. “They… they don’t believe me, and I was afraid you would…” He stopped, coughed and didn’t even notice the blood running from the corner of his mouth, then tried to continue. “Afraid you would be angry at me…”
Dorvane barely managed not to flinch at the way Haldir drew away from him in fear for a moment, obviously trapped in some memory of the past where it had in fact been him who had beaten the Elf. He felt something akin to guilt sting in his chest for a moment. “They are gone, they won’t hurt you anymore and I am not angry. Not at you anyway… the one who attacked you, Cainor is dead,” Dorvane explained as he wet a cloth and began wiping the blood at the corner of Haldir’s lip and then moving to another cut on his forehead and wiping away the blood there.
Relaxing a bit more at the news, Haldir tentatively took stock of his body as Dorvane tended to him so carefully. The touch was gentle, almost sweet, as if he were trying his best not to cause Haldir any more pain. “Everything hurts,” he moaned, as he counted at least four broken ribs a broken wrist, and quite possibly a broken leg. “Even breathing hurts. I thought the pain, at least, was a thing of the past…” He was rambling now, lost in a haze of pain and not realizing what he was saying, otherwise he never would have said those words to Dorvane, of all people. “Why does everyone here love to cause so much pain?”
Dorvane paused as he continued removing blood from Haldir’s skin so he could better see what was wrong. “I’m sorry, Haldir. I promised you no more pain and now this… I know it was not intentional on my part but I am sorry for it. Saruman changed the guards stations and I did not realize it until I was already at the supply sheds. I did not think anything like this would happen,” he explained as he carefully began moving his hands over Haldir’s chest and torso not wanting to cause more pain or damage to the Elf but needing to see what injuries he had. “I think you might have some broken bones,” he said softly. Dorvane might have been a cruel master but he had never purposefully had bones broken, mostly perhaps because they were too time consuming to mend even with Saruman’s magic.
Haldir winced as Dorvane’s hands brushed lightly over his broken ribs, but as the words sunk in, he suddenly gasped and tried to sit up, grabbing onto the front of Dorvane’s tunic when the pain almost made him pass out again. His former master and present lover was most likely angry, he thought, that Haldir might not be able to amuse him later that night. And if that happened, their deal would have been broken and Faramir… Gods! “I am sorry… I will heal quickly, and nothing is broken that will stop you from… stop us from having… being intimate when you return tonight, Dorvane. If you want to return to your duties, I will still be ready for you by the time you come back.”
Dorvane was taken aback by Haldir’s reaction and put his hand on the Elf’s shoulder, carefully pushing him back down on the bed. “Stop that,” he said firmly, finding himself annoyed but not with Haldir. “Gods, I must truly be a monster in your eyes if you think I’ll take you with broken ribs. I do want you alive you know, even an Elf won’t survive a punctured lung or heart if one of those three… no four, broken ribs should shift wrong. Lay back… and try to relax, I’ll have some herbs for the pain soon and we will work on getting these bones all set.
Quieting instantly, Haldir rested his hand over Dorvane’s and squeezed hard as he felt another wave of pain wash over him. “No, I no longer think that,” he said softly. “Dorvane do you… must you…” He stopped, shook his head, and looked away for a moment. “Must you leave? Can you at least stay with me until the herbs start to work?”
“Leave?” Dorvane looked at Haldir oddly for a moment and then smiled just a little despite the situation. “I am not going to force you to do anything but stay in this bed and recover, and I am not going to leave. It is obvious I cannot trust the guards to care for you,” his last words were growled a bit as he wrung out the blood soaked cloth and began cleaning Haldir’s wounds again, “so I’ll tend you… there are others that can take care of what I need done elsewhere. You are mine, Haldir and I do not like the idea of anyone else touching you especially after today.” One of the guards returned with the rest of the items Dorvane requested and he told them to not disturb him until the following day.
Nodding slightly, Haldir tried to still himself on the bed, and began drifting in and out of consciousness. As long as he didn’t move when he was awake, the pain was bearable, and the cool cloth was soothing as it was brushed so lightly over his flushed skin. His fingers found the edge of Dorvane’s tunic and curled around the soft fabric. For the first time in almost a decade, Dorvane meant safety and respite from the pain, rather than the cause of it. He thought carefully about his next words, and had to try several times to get them out past the currents of pain that raced through his body without warning. “Why… why did you kill Cainor. He has b… beaten me many times before. Is it only because now… now I am your property?”
“I killed him because… I…” Dorvane paused and wasn’t sure how to complete his sentence. Why had he killed the man? He’d been enraged at the time, angrier than he’d ever been before and he wasn’t entirely sure why. It was true Haldir belonged to him but there was something more than that too. He shrugged, trying to come up with the right words. “I was angry, he hurt you and… and I could not see beyond that really. I wanted him to never have the opportunity to touch you again. While it is true you are mine… that… did not really cross my mind.” He picked up the teapot that had been brought in and poured a cup of the herb-laced tea. “This will help with the pain.”
Long lashes closed over pain-filled blue eyes as Haldir thought about Dorvane’s words. While he truly felt like his master’s whore, at times he truly felt like a lover as well. Dorvane had been adamant that when they made love, Haldir must always look at him, and so it had become a habit. In the moment of his release, the man seemed to transform, to lose the veil of darkness that usually surrounded him, and as he gazed into Haldir’s eyes, the Elf could have sworn he saw another man entirely. He almost wished to know that man.
When he opened his eyes, the aroma of the tea made him wince and he struggled to sit. Pain soared through his stomach and he leaned into Dorvane, moaning softly. “I… I am sorry, Dorvane. I don’t think I can move. It all hurts too much.”
“It is all right, Haldir,” Dorvane whispered wrapping his arm around Haldir as carefully as he could and lifting his head just enough to hold the cup to his lips. “Just swallow slowly… let the herbs do their job. It will relax you and take away some if not most of the pain. I will need to set some of your bones… I think your wrist is broken and I do not want to do that until you’ve had enough of this tea first.”
Sipping the bitter tea, Haldir rested heavily against Dorvane, not even trying to move. The cup was carefully pressed against his lips and tilted, the herbs already taking the edge off the pain. He was practically lying on top of Dorvane, but was still cold, so he unfurled his hand and slipped it beneath the man’s tunic to touch his skin, shivering as he did so. “You can set them, Dorvane. I just… Just give me something to bite down on if you don’t want to hear me scream, or… if you do, that’s fine to. I remember you used to like my screams before… before we were lovers.”
Remorse was not an emotion that Dorvane had dealt with much over the years but as soon as Haldir’s words reached his ears the tight grip of something seemed to squeeze his heart in his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I do not wish to hear you scream today, Haldir,” he said, not knowing what else to say. He did in fact love hearing Haldir cry out when they had sex but that was entirely different. He could feel the cool fingers against his flesh and felt Haldir shivering. “Once you are done drinking this, I will tend the fire and make sure you are warm, then we will deal with setting your wrist. I am unsure about your left leg, I do not think it is broken but the ankle might be… or at least badly sprained.” He hoped there was no break, a broken leg or ankle would take a great deal of time to heal he imagined and he didn’t like the idea of that at all. The guards would pay dearly for this.
Still unsure just where things stood between them, Haldir merely nodded, not even realizing how his fingers were moving almost soothingly over Dorvane’s back, seeking warmness and comfort from this man of all people. But, they were, nevertheless, and the action did seem to bring him some peace. “I promise to heal quickly Dorvane. Nothing will have to change in our activities. Above all, I do not wish to break our deal.”
Shocked dark eyes looked up at Haldir and Dorvane frowned. “I do not wish to break our deal either… and you will heal in due time. I will live without sex in the meantime you know… I have hands and over 100 pleasure slaves about,” Dorvane teased as he set the now empty cup aside. “Did you think I would want to break our agreement because of this? It… it wasn’t your fault. Rainen even confirmed it was not your fault,” Dorvane said as he reached for a healing salve to apply to the cuts and scrapes Haldir had while he waited for the tea to relax the Elf even more.
Growing sleepy and even more unguarded, Haldir met Dorvane’s gaze and bit back a sigh. “Aye, it did occur to me. Just… just please, Dorvane, don’t hurt Faramir. I will never break our agreement, and if this ever happens again, I will fight harder. Just…” He stifled a yawn, and the hand that was running over Dorvane’s back slowly began to drop toward the bed. “Please don’t hurt him.”
Dorvane’s lips thinned as Haldir mentioned the Ranger’s name and he shook his head rather abruptly. “I will not, your Ranger is safe… and this will never happen again. You’ve my word, however much it is worth to you and the guards, the others who helped Cainor with this will be dealt with,” Dorvane vowed softly. He was immensely jealous of the Ranger and had asked Haldir never to speak of him but in this case… in this situation he could hardly blame the Elf. He continued to apply the salve and then sat back as he dabbed the last bit at the corner of Haldir’s lips. “I’ll tend that fire now.”
As Dorvane sat back, Haldir was left feeling oddly alone and reflexively reached out to his lover, closing his fingers over the black leather wrist bands he’d wondered so often about. “Dorvane, don’t go,” he whispered softly, pushing past the herbs and forcing his eyes open to plead with the dark ones before him. He needed to sleep, and heal, and at the moment, beside Dorvane was the safest place to do so. To his own dismay, the idea wasn’t as unappealing as it once had been either, the Elf thought in resignation. “Do what you must to my wounds, but I had rather you lie with me than tend to the fire. You are warmer.”
Dorvane sat rigidly still when Haldir’s hand closed around his wrist band and he simply looked at the Elf for a long moment. “You wish for me to lay with you? I…” he paused, feeling another strange constricting feeling in his chest and nodded. “All right, let me remove my boots then and I will lay beside you for a few minutes while we wait on the herbs to fully take effect.” He leaned down and unfastened his boots and removed them. “Do not move,” he said softly as he moved to crawl into the bed on Haldir’s opposite side, not wanting the Elf to move and aggravate his injuries. He carefully tucked Haldir against his body and leaned on his elbow to watch him. “Just relax, Haldir.”
Haldir sighed, as comfortable as he could be, given the situation and burrowed his face against Dorvane’s neck. He kept his broken limbs still, but managed to get as close as possible to the warmth his lover offered, though he hadn’t missed the moment of surprise when he’d asked for Dorvane to lay beside him. “After you set the bones, will you undress and lay here again?” he asked sleepily. “I’m so cold and so tired and… I just can’t stay awake and watch for the guards tonight…” Thanks to the drugs, he wasn’t sure exactly if he was in his cell with Faramir or in the rooms he shared with Dorvane, but either way, he didn’t want the warmth or the gentle embrace surrounding him now to end.
Dorvane was surprised by the quiet request but smiled. “Yes, I will lay with you. The guards will not come… never again will they hurt you, I swear that to you.” Dorvane whispered softly. “Rest… relax and rest.”
Haldir nodded and let his hand slip down from the wristband to Dorvane’s hand. As he drifted back into semi-consciousness, his fingers slid down and wrapped around his lover’s in a weak grip. “Aye. Relax and rest. That sounds…” His last word trailed off as a drug-induced haze engulfed him, but he didn’t release Dorvane’s hand. He knew he had only a few minutes before the bone was to be set, and he needed to gather his strength for that, but at least when it was over, the promise of warmth and safety lay beyond. It was, at least, something to hold on to.
Yet again, Haldir surprised him when his hand slid down to wrap around Dorvane’s fingers. He smiled at the slurred words as they trailed off and he took a deep breath wondering what it was that he felt towards the elf. He’d always felt possessive of him, had always obsessed about the blond but he had never imagined he would feel such emotion… things he’d not felt in years when he’d found him beaten and bleeding today. It unsettled the man, nothing affected him this way and this shouldn’t but it did. He not only wanted to protect Haldir from the guards but protect him from everything and every one… even Saruman if he had to. It was a sobering feeling and frightening. The Elf cared nothing for him, he was only there out of coercion and to protect the man he truly loved. Dorvane tried to push the thoughts away as he waited for Haldir to be more fully under the strong herbs influence so that he could set the bones. After almost a half hour passed he took a deep breath. “Haldir… I need to do this now before it is too late. Can you hear me?”
Waking with a low moan, Haldir felt each little pain from his ankle to his head spark back to life at once. After a moment, however, the tea kicked in again, and the pain dulled somewhat. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw concern written all over Dorvane’s face – something he’d never really seen before – and tried to smile. The attempt resulted in more of a wince, however, and his fingers tightened on his lover’s hand for a brief moment before letting go. “I am ready,” he said, setting his jaw and curling his fingers into the blankets. His eyes wanted to close, as he knew he would be blinded by the pain but he wanted to watch Dorvane’s face for as long as possible, to see whether he really did enjoy watching “his” Elf in pain or not.
Dorvane’s brows drew together when Haldir winced, the cracked lip causing him pain as he tried to smile. His heart clenched at that thought and he wondered yet again how he could be feeling things he had not felt in so long. “Good… brace yourself,” he said softly before shifting his weight on the bed and setting to work. The wrist was the worst and Dorvane cringed when Haldir cried out as he snapped the bone back into place. It had been a clean break at least they could be glad of that. Next he moved to probe Haldir’s ankle and worked swiftly to stabilize it, it may not be broken, he could not exactly tell so he worked to make it completely immobile just in case. He used the splints that had been brought along with bandages. The last were his ribs, there was little he could do for them other than wrapping Haldir tightly in bandages. Haldir was sweating by the time Dorvane began wrapping the bandages around his body, having to lift him from the bed and knowing that was causing more pain with each pass of the tight bandages. “I am almost done… then you can rest,” he whispered.
Haldir’s broken arm lay uselessly in his lap as the Elf struggled to stay upright. His good arm was braced on Dorvane’s shoulder, and he didn’t realize he had been holding on tightly enough to bruise. As he panted for breath and forced himself not to pass out again, he thought about the past few minutes. Dorvane had actually seemed to hate seeing him in any pain, not to mention being the cause of it, which was odd, given their history. The look on his face and in his eyes as he’d set the bones combined with the way he’d been treating Haldir over the past weeks would almost make one believe that he actually cared; that his feelings were more than just possessiveness. As the last bandage was applied, he rested his head against Dorvane’s shoulder and shivered, despite the beads of sweat covering his body. “You… you take good care of me Dorvane,” he whispered. “Should you ever need it, know that I will do the same for you.”
Pausing as he finished with the last bandage and began lowering Haldir back down to the bed, Dorvane shook his head. “I will continue to take care of you… I am responsible for you,” he whispered unsure what else to say. The other slaves at least had the healing charms on their cells when they left, Haldir didn’t even have that. He told himself it was for that reason alone that he cared for his well-being but he knew deep down it was something more than that. He would have a nice bruise from the force of Haldir’s grip around his upper arm but that was nothing really. “Now,” he whispered as he reached over and dipped a cloth in fresh cool water, “lets get you cleaned up a little more.” Haldir was sweating and he knew the cool cloth would feel good. “Do you think you can relax now? Do you need more tea?”
Another soft sigh fell from Haldir’s lips, this time from relief as the sweat was carefully wiped from his face and neck and even across the broad expanse of his chest, which still bore the cuts and bruises from the guard’s assault. “No more tea. Just… just rest with me please. I know you haven’t been out of bed for very long, but..gods, it feels… it feels as if I have not slept in months, and… I just want to rest beside you as I normally do. That is… if you don’t mind. I know I am certainly not the most attractive Elf on Arda at the moment.”
“You are the most attractive Elf on Arda,” Dorvane corrected. “Trust me, I’ve seen many in my time here and none have ever… ever… captivated me the way you do. And though all this will heal soon I will not forget and I’ll make sure the guards do not forget. When I am done with them, they will never even think of laying one finger on you again,” Dorvane’s words were strong though soft and he had no idea how vehement they sounded. He just knew it as truth. Haldir had not deserved this beating, and if the guards weren’t so bloody stupid it wouldn’t have happened at all. The Elf was in a locked room… locked from the outside so how could he have possibly come in of his own free will to pilfer a book or whatever else they stupidly assumed he had done. Just thinking of it made Dorvane angry.
Possessive. The thought ran through Haldir’s mind at once simply from the tone of Dorvane’s voice, not to mention the words. Of course he belonged to Dorvane, he had made a deal, but this almost seemed like more. With every passing moment, Dorvane seemed to care… which was ridiculous, Haldir reasoned, because the man who had kept him captive for the last 8 years had no feelings or compassion. This was quite possibly nothing more than an act to get Haldir to let his guard down. If it was, however, it was a good one. And combined with the tea, it was working. “They only did what they have always done,” Haldir said softly, tugging on Dorvane’s tunic. “What you have always given them leave to do before. Now, please… undress and lie down with me, Dorvane. I just want to rest and feel safe for a while so I can heal.”
Dorvane frowned. “Do you do it on purpose or does it just come naturally to subtly dig at me?” he actually found himself grinning as he spoke, teasing Haldir a bit about his choice of words. He even laughed, something he almost never did. “What I have always given them leave to do,” he half mocked, “… you do realize that ended with our agreement or do you think I planned all of this? If I wanted to spend the day in bed with you I would not have had to get those mindless idiots to beat you up first.” Dorvane couldn’t bring himself to actually be offended. Haldir was after all right, in the past Dorvane had inflicted much pain on Haldir but he had refrained from ever breaking bones… that sort of torture was far different than the tactics Dorvane generally used.
Surprising even himself at his words, Haldir was downright shocked as Dorvane teased him, rather than got angry. To see him teasing and smiling was so unusual, and glimpses of that man Haldir thought he saw when they were having sex could almost be seen again. Or maybe it was the drugs, he thought with a sigh. Either way, he was apparently going to spend a lifetime with Dorvane, so he would have to deal with whichever persona the man decided to let have free reign. “The herbs have loosed my tongue,” he murmured, tentatively stretching the few parts of his body that didn’t ache and tugging on Dorvane’s tunic again. “Besides, given the last few weeks, and knowing how differently you treat your lovers than your slaves, I cannot say I would protest at the suggestion of a whole day in bed with you either…” The herbs had affected him indeed, he thought vaguely, for him to think, let alone say that. But since he couldn’t have Faramir, at least he did have a man who, was for now anyway, an attentive lover, and in that department he had nothing to complain about.
Dorvane smiled and nodded. “Hmm, perhaps once you are back to normal and can handle a whole day with me in this bed,” Dorvane teased. He did in fact treat Haldir better than the slaves of that there was no doubt, now that he had what he never thought he could have, the Elf entirely to himself, he was glad to treat him with what could be considered affection. Everything else in his life was so dark and his past a complete shambles, at least this… this could be different. “You need more rest, especially if we are going to try that plan of my taking a day off to spend here in bed.” Dorvane leaned over and brushed his lips against Haldir’s forehead. “Rest, I will hold you if you truly wish for me to.”
Haldir smiled at the thought and relaxed a bit more, trying to distance himself from the pain of his injuries. “Aye, I do wish for that,” he whispered, touched by the chaste kiss to his forehead, “but only if you undress. I have grown used to feeling you next to me, and…” He yawned and sank down into the pillow, but kept his eyes stubbornly open. “I’m glad you’re here, Dorvane. Truly, I am.”
The grin that appeared on Dorvane’s face was quick but happy despite the situation. Haldir wanted him to undress and lay with him, he asked him to, it wasn’t expected, it wasn’t something Dorvane forced him to say it was a freely given request and his last words made his heart that had long felt so dead in his chest jump just the slightest bit. So many years ago he had not wanted to be alive and he was unwanted, but now… a former slave and still if he was honest with himself his captive was asking for him… wanting him. “I am too,” he whispered. He divested himself of all his clothing except the wristbands, which could never be removed and lay down next to Haldir, pulling the covers over them. “Comfortable?”
Snuggling just a bit closer, the Elf wrapped his good arm around Dorvane’s waist and practically burrowed beneath him. His face was buried in the crook of his lover’s neck and he finally allowed himself to close his eyes. “As much as possible. Much better now that you stopped fussing over me and are finally still though.” Haldir’s eyes opened quickly as he realized once again what he’d just said, but he didn’t have the strength to move. “Erm… I seem to be saying all kinds of inappropriate things today, do I not?”
“Fussing? Hmm… next time you break an ankle, a wrist and four ribs we can just pretend they will just magically go away then, shall I have you sent to the kitchens to make breakfast perhaps?” Dorvane grumbled although good naturedly as he pulled Haldir just a bit closer as carefully as he could. “You most certainly do say inappropriate things my beautiful Elf,” he murmured pressing his lips to Haldir’s forehead, well away from one of the cuts there. “But I can forgive that… the herbs are powerful and you are stubborn.”
Smiling was all he could manage, and Haldir did just that. “You like me stubborn,” he groused, pressing a kiss against Dorvane’s throat without thinking. “And anyway… you know I don’t cook.”
Dorvane found himself laughing as he relaxed against his lover. “I do like you stubborn,” he grinned, “that is very true.” He let his hand trail over Haldir’s uninjured arm. “I am sorry for what happened. I should have informed all of the guards, Saruman has moved them about in the past to make sure they do not become too complacent or restless… it is my fault this happened and… I am sorry for that.” It had been many years since Dorvane had offered an apology for anything sincerely.
Haldir had been half asleep when the words reached his ears, but he drew away and looked at Dorvane in utter shock, though it sent a searing pain through his ribs and leg as he shifted on the bed. “You… you are apologizing to me?” His good hand came up and rested alongside Dorvane’s face as the Elf stared into dark eyes shaded by long, black lashes. “You are in there somewhere, Dorvane. When you are like this, I want to find you.” Without giving his lover time to respond or question him, Haldir leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He was exhausted and drugged, and the kiss was slow and warm, and unlike any they’d shared before. When he had to draw away for breath, he simply put one finger over kiss-swollen lips and smiled. “I need to rest now,” he murmured to ward off any questions about his rather cryptic statement. “Goodnight.”
Dorvane’s eyes had widened when Haldir had looked up at him that way and spoke of wanting to find him. A part of him, long buried, knew exactly what the Elf meant, though Haldir couldn’t really know. He didn’t know anything about Dorvane’s past… did he? Before Dorvane could say anything though he was caught up in the sweetest kiss he’d ever experienced. Haldir kissed him slowly and in a way that let Dorvane know he was desired… a way he never thought he’d ever know. When they drew apart, he was still prevented from speaking and simply stared at the beautiful Elf in his arms. “Goodnight, Halidr,” he whispered, unable to say anything else.
As he drifted off into a healing sleep, Haldir wondered just what had happened to the man he’d known only a few weeks ago, and just what it would take to bring the ‘other’ Dorvane to light. It wasn’t that he had nothing else to do, though that was a part of it, but the inherent goodness that was in all of the first born was reminding him that everyone had some good in them. Dorvane had started opening up to him, bit by bit, and if he could only be away from Saruman’s influence, then who knew what kind of man he could be?
Chapter 14
Weeks passed by and Haldir healed and Dorvane for the most part had continued to be somewhat gentle with Haldir. Some of their couplings since Haldir had finished healing had been fast or rough but no toys were involved, nothing like what Dorvane had treated Haldir like as a slave. But there were times when Dorvane thought that it could have been so much more satisfying to have that control and power with Haldir he had always had before. Sometimes he missed the Elf fighting him, though he truly loved the way the Elf touched him in return now but he missed that passion and spirit that the fighting always seemed to bring out. He didn’t know that he could enjoy such soft sweet touches though, so he had been torn over what to do.
Tonight he planned to try something; it wouldn’t be anything like the things he’d done to Haldir in the past. No tables or special apparatus, just a means of controlling him, Dorvane thought, just a bit of fun for them both. He would make absolutely certain Haldir would be in no real pain and would certainly enjoy it. So when he’d returned to his room that evening and found Haldir waiting for him, he decided that he had every right to do it. It was part of their agreement, Haldir had said so himself. It wasn’t as if he wanted to make the Elf bleed… just redden his backside and make sure he remembered him during the day when Dorvane was gone.
Haldir put the book he’d been reading down and stood to greet Dorvane as he walked in the door. He’d been granted full access to the small library Dorvane, surprisingly, had kept rather well stocked, and though the Elf was seldom seen without a book in his hand, in reality, he spent most of his days staring out the window, thinking about Faramir. The moment Dorvane entered the room, however, all thoughts of his Ranger were tucked neatly away and Haldir could not have been a better, more well mannered companion or a more attentive lover to the man. He would take no chances with Faramir’s life, no matter what he had to do.
Haldir crossed the room and gave Dorvane his customary welcome-back kiss – a little concession Dorvane always seemed surprised, but pleased with. His hands moved down to massage broad shoulders and he sensed the usual stress in tensed muscles. “Long day?” he asked softly. “I have water for our bath heating now, but if you had rather relax first or… let me see if I can distract you, the bath can wait…”
Dorvane had still not grown accustomed to the kiss that Haldir gave him each day that he returned to their chambers as if the Elf were truly happy to see him. It had been a frustrating day and he thought that perhaps his plan for tonight might alleviate some of that frustration. “The bath can wait…” Dorvane answered as his arms wrapped around Haldir and pulled his body closer for only a moment before drawing back and unfastening Haldir’s tunic, he made quick work of it and his own and then began removing the Elf’s breeches. His mouth moved along the tender skin of Haldir’s neck and shoulders as he began to move them both toward the large bed. Before Haldir could lie down on it though, Dorvane drew back and spun him, pushing him down onto the side of the bed face first. “Perfect,” he murmured as his hand ran down Haldir’s spine to his backside. “Stay that way,” he added as he stepped away to get something.
There was a difference in Dorvane that evening, and Haldir sensed it at once. His stomach began to knot as he realized he knew that look – though it wasn’t the dark, cruel look he’d worn when he’d beat and raped Haldir and the other slaves, neither was it the gentle, almost caring look he’d had since Faramir’s departure and Haldir’s falling into his part. Biting the inside of his cheek, the Elf’s face paled and he realized just how vulnerable he was, naked, his backside high in the air, forbidden and unwilling to put up the least resistance. So many weeks without physical pain had been unexpected, but now, obviously that little gift was about to be taken away. His fingers curled in the blankets and he stayed perfectly still, waiting for the first blow or the quick, painful insertion of something… or Dorvane’s length to pierce him without any preparation. Just like old times, he thought. Just like old times.
Dorvane glanced back over at Haldir as he searched for what he wanted. He looked absolutely gorgeous that way, his back arched perfectly, his backside high in the air. He found what he was looking for and returned to the bed. A small paddle and two lengths of soft material, they were nothing like the rough ropes or iron shackles used in the past. These were soft and would likely not leave marks on the Elf’s pale skin that would last beyond a few hours and the paddle was light, it would make his backside a nice bright red but would only leave him sore for about a day or so. “You look so beautiful laying there like this waiting for my touch,” he whispered as he leaned over his lover. His lips traveled down Haldir’s back and he breathed in the scent of him as he closed his eyes for a moment. Leaning away from Haldir, Dorvane reached for his hand and pulled it out to the side looping the soft fabric around his wrist and attaching it to the headboard and then moved to do the other arm as well. When he looped the fabric around the other wrist though, he caught Haldir’s gaze from beneath a few strands of golden hair and paused at what he saw and what he felt when he looked at him.
Disappointment. That was what Haldir felt most of all. He’d resigned himself to doing anything and everything Dorvane wanted, sometimes doing things to him that he’d only heard the elder, more experienced Elves speak of, and had honestly thought Dorvane had enjoyed their activities enough not to need the added element of pain. There was no healing spell on these rooms, and he had no idea just how badly he was to be hurt today, but Gods, he would never understand why Dorvane found pleasure in hurting him! When their gazes met, Haldir quickly looked away and lowered his eyes. “Do you want me to scream as I did in the play rooms, or shall I try to keep silent?” he asked, the smile on his face now a poor imitation of the one he’d greeted his lover with only moments before. He had no right to complain, he knew. This was their agreement. This was his life.
Staring at Haldir, unable to know exactly how to answer his questions Dorvane lowered his arm back to the bed. He didn’t want him to scream. He realized it suddenly that he didn’t want Haldir to be in pain, he wanted him to touch him and want him in return and doing this now… doing this would make it all the harder for the Elf to want to do those things and most of all… Dorvane’s eyes widened for a moment and he stepped back away from the bed and then reached over and untied Haldir. He brushed the paddle off into the floor and pulled the Elf up into his arms as he sat down. He felt something for this Elf he never thought he would ever feel again. It had always been want, obsession; but now… after having laughed for the first time in years so often the last weeks with Haldir… after actually enjoying his evenings instead of brooding alone at night. He… was it love? Was he in love with the Elf and not just obsessed with him? Dorvane swallowed hard and closed his eyes as he held the confused Elf against him. “Forgive me… forgive me, please,” he whispered.
Shocked into speechlessness as, rather than being beaten, he was immediately released, Haldir soon found himself curled up in Dorvane’s lap, looking helplessly at the man as he begged forgiveness. It took the Elf a moment to respond, for he had never been in this sort of situation… never even dreamt of it. His arms, which he’d drawn up to his chest when he was released, slowly opened and wrapped around Dorvane’s shoulders, and one hand moved lightly over his back, still unsure if this was a test or a trick or even if he was supposed to be lulled into relaxation only to have a jolt from the submission ring suddenly double him over in agony. “Dorvane, I…” When the man pulled him closer, he gently began stroking long, dark hair. Gods, if he’d done something wrong to make Dorvane change his mind, if Faramir was punished for his moment of weakness as their eyes had met…“Please, Dorvane, I was not complaining. It is your right to hurt me; we agreed on that. It is I who should ask forgiveness for forgetting my place.” He tried to move, but Dorvane wouldn’t release him. “Tie me up, like you planned, I was just… surprised. Come, you can use the other ropes to tie my legs and use something other than the paddle. I know how much you used to like that dark leather belt or the black flogger you used to use… shall I get them for you?”
Haldir seemed in a panic now and Dorvane felt his heart sink as he shook his head. “Shh, please Haldir,” he whispered. “I… I do not wish to tie you up, it… I am sorry. I know I must be confusing you… if it helps, I am confused myself. I just… could not do it. When I thought about it, when I looked into your eyes… I want you to want me Haldir and beating you certainly isn’t going to achieve that now is it?” Dorvane said and gently tucked a lock of blond hair behind a pointed ear. “I realized I do not want to hurt you because… because I like the way you make me feel… when I am kind to you. I… I did not know I was still capable of feeling what I feel when I look at you… but it is true,” he said softly.
Rather than make him feel better, Haldir was only more confused, but at least it didn’t seem Faramir was to be punished. Could this good and kind side of Dorvane truly have feelings for him, feelings that prevented him from causing pain and enjoying the torture of the Elf he claimed as his personal slave? His hand moved tentatively from Dorvane’s hair to the side of his face. No matter how cruel or hateful he had been, Dorvane had always been a handsome man. If he could put aside all the memories – one in particular – then Dorvane was an easy man to want.
Remembering his place once more, he let his fingers stroke lightly over Dorvane’s face, brushing against the coarse stubble of hair on his chin. “I like it when you are kind to me,” he confessed. “And I am glad to know that you do still have feelings. Sometimes, I worried that you had buried them so deeply, they would never surface again.” Like mine. Pushing that thought away, Haldir leaned forward and pressed his lips against Dorvane’s. “Thank you, Dorvane. I have never liked the pain; it has always taken away the pleasure for me, not added to it. Thank you for this mercy, at least for today.” With that, he tilted Dorvane’s face up and kissed him fully on the mouth, his lips parting and his tongue licking gently at Dorvane’s, his hand resting on the back of the man’s neck.
When Haldir took in what he had to say and then kissed him that way, thanking him and admitting that he never liked the pain, Dorvane was lost then. A tender feeling inside him seemed to overwhelm him for a moment; it was something he had not felt in many years. Love. Not lust, desire or obsession it was love. He was not a loving man any longer but with this Elf he could be someone he was not to the rest of the world. Their kiss made him breathless and when he drew away he smiled a little at Haldir. “You have done something I thought impossible. I have fallen in love with you, Haldir. I do not have some grand notion that you will fall for me though it is my greatest desire… but I also know from experience you cannot make someone love you.” He paused and ran his fingers through soft blond hair and looked down for a moment. “I know you probably do not believe me, you probably think this is a trick to make you do something… but it is not. I worried when I first agreed to this that you might try to kill me in my sleep or any number of things… but you have not. You have been… wonderful. And… and I would like to offer you a gift… to show you that I mean what I say.”
Bittersweet memories of the first time Faramir said he loved him raced through Haldir’s head, but his overriding emotion was shock at Dorvane’s admission. He… loved him? A slave, a whore, a broken Elf who was only here because he loved another? Again, Haldir almost felt sorry for Dorvane, and wondered what it was that had turned him into the man he’d known for the past eight years, rather than the kind and gentle man he had been inside these bed chambers the past weeks. His fingers combed through Dorvane’s hair and he shook his head, both in bewilderment and curiosity. He had no idea how to respond to the “I love you” part, but the gift… he could at least address that. “You… you owe me no gifts, Dorvane,” he whispered, the hand on the back of the man’s neck slowly kneading the still tense muscles. “In fact, you owe me nothing. You have been kind to me these past weeks when you did not have to, and that is the best gift you could have given me.” Except my freedom of course.
Dorvane looked into Haldir’s eyes and smiled a little. “Often times when someone loves another they give them a ring as a symbol of that love… in your case… I shall remove a ring that I know you hate and offer a promise that you will never again know physical pain of any sort by my hand or any other who works for me… not even Saruman, I would find a way to destroy that wizard if he laid a single finger on you with intent to harm you, Haldir,” he whispered. It had been many years since he had felt like this and in fact loving someone was why Dorvane had become the man he had, now it didn’t seem to matter as much.
Haldir’s mouth dropped open as he looked into Dorvane’s eyes. His hand automatically dropped down between his legs and cupped his balls, careful not to touch the submission ring, certain that he had not heard correctly. Gods, he hated that ring, hated it almost as much as he hated this entire situation. One moment of pain from the ring was worse than a hundred lashes with a belt, for the ring’s pain was internal, and concentrated on the most sensitive parts of his body. “You… you will remove the ring?” he repeated slowly. “And… not hurt me or allow anyone else to?” He shook his head, trying to clear it, and moved his hand back up to rest on Dorvane’s chest. “You are a young man Dorvane. Can you honestly commit to spending the rest of your life causing me no pain, or are you just caught up in the moment? For… I cannot take teasing like this. Please… please only say it if you mean it.”
The look of surprise and hope in Haldir’s eyes was actually more than worth removing the ring, Dorvane realized. He had plenty of other slaves to punish should he need to… it was after all his job as appointed by Saruman but the wizard never said he couldn’t be kind to his lover whomever that was. “I am not teasing you, lay down so I can take it off you. I promise this is not a trick… and I will never again hurt you, Haldir. You have my solemn vow. I know you think I have no honor but at one time… at one time I was an honorable man,” he said softly and actually feeling the weakness of tears gather in his eyes for the briefest of moments before he blinked them away.
Pausing for a moment, Haldir cupped Dorvane’s face between both his hands and gazed into his eyes. “I think there is still an honorable man somewhere inside you,” he said softly… and to his surprise, truthfully. “I can see him right now, looking back at me.” He crawled off Dorvane’s lap and sat on the bed beside him, still unable to fully comprehend that this ring, which admittedly had not been used in weeks, but had plagued him for years, would finally be removed. His fingers trailed down the handsome face before him once more and he smiled. “Thank you, Dorvane. I will never forget this kindness.” With that, he lay back on the bed, his stomach clenching as he waited, wanting nothing more (except Faramir of course) than to be free of the submission ring and all its power.
Seeing the honesty in Haldir’s eyes made Dorvane’s heart that he thought was cold and withered over the years seem to warm in his chest. “He has been hidden for a long, long time,” Dorvane whispered as he leaned over Haldir. His hand moved to cup his lover’s balls for a moment, before he removed the matching ring from his finger. He’d put it on earlier thinking he might actually use it when he first came into the room. He fitted the ring against the fastening of the submission ring and turned it slowly. With that the ring released with a soft snapping sound and he saw Haldir visibly relax. Carefully, Dorvane removed it and set it aside on the bed as he leaned down and kissed the tender skin it had been wrapped around for so very long. “Never again will you know the pain of it,” he whispered as he sat up. “Do you want to have the honors of destroying it?” He said glancing toward the fireplace.
Shuddering as the skin beneath where the ring had held him for so long was touched, Haldir sat up and stared at the ring in Dorvane’s hand. He could never love the man, not after what he’d done to Faramir, yet he was grateful beyond words that now, Faramir was free, and now, in a sense, he was as well, if only free from the pain he’d lived with for so long. He took the ring and threw it across the room, where it landed solidly in the flames, smiling when he saw Dorvane’s eyes widen at the gesture. Everyone, Dorvane included, often forgot the strength the firstborn possessed, and Haldir could tell his master was only now remembering. Showing just how grateful he was the only way he knew how, he wrapped his arms around his lover and pulled him down, kissing him with as much passion as he’d ever allowed himself to show the man… which, considering this was now his role in life, was a lot, but not everything he had. “Now, shall we see if everything works the same without the ring?” he murmured against soft lips.
Dorvane’s eyes widened as he watched the ring fly true across the room and into the flames sending little sparks dancing in the air onto the hearth. Before he could speak though, Haldir pulled him into a powerful kiss that held more passion than Dorvane had ever felt before. He was panting heavily and already incredibly aroused by the time they drew apart again. “Oh yes… I think that I would love to see that,” he whispered in answer to Haldir’s question and moved so that his body covered the Elf’s as he kissed him again. There were no doubts in his mind now, so different than when Dorvane had first brought Haldir to his chambers after their deal. Then he had harbored many doubts but this… now… there were none.
Chapter 15
It was early morning and Dorvane and Haldir were just finishing breakfast when suddenly loud shouting and a scream came from the hallway. Dorvane was up and to the door immediately, swinging it wide open as he took in the sight of one of the slaves being held by one guard as the other punched him in the stomach.
“What is going on?” Dorvane barked, irritated at his meal being interrupted.
“Sorry to disturb you my lord, the prisoner fought us,” one of the guards said.
The man was still twisting in the other guards hold trying to get free as he glared hatefully at Dorvane. Dorvane recognized him as one who normally was fairly docile, the man, named Shoran rarely ever gave him trouble. “What did you do to cause him to fight you? This one normally does not fight,” Dorvane asked, curious what the guards had been up to. They were never given free reign with the slaves other than to move them from one cell or another or tie them up, always they had to be given permission directly from Dorvane himself to take them or touch them, the slaves were not here for the guards pleasure they were here for Saruman’s army. When no one answered him, Dorvane began to grow more irritated and looked at the slave. “What did they do, I will not ask again!”
Haldir hesitated for a moment, and then walked over to stand behind Dorvane, eyeing the guards warily. A soft gasp fell from his lips as he saw a slave he knew – one he’d been forced to take and who had been forced to return the favor several years back, when Shoran was younger and, in Dorvane’s eyes, prettier. Before he thought, he was standing beside, not behind his master. “Shoran… they have hurt you,” he said softly before the guards had time to even answer their captain. He started to move, then looked pleadingly up at Dorvane. “May I at least give him some water?”
Dorvane started just a little as Haldir spoke beside him and he glanced back at the blood on the man’s lips and back at the Elf. “You may… ,” he answered and before he could say more Haldir had gone back into their room, “and someone needs to start telling me what happened. This man should not be bleeding yet.”
“He hit me,” the guard repeated and Dorvane sighed heavily. “I think we have established that… I want to know why he hit you,” he said thinking that the guards here grew more stupid by the day.
Though Dorvane had changed so much in the past few weeks, he still left every morning with at least one, and sometimes more rings on his fingers to control the slaves that were kept in the small rooms at the east end of the property, where Haldir and Faramir had once stayed. Oddly enough though, his sexual appetite never seemed to wane when he returned to Haldir, making the Elf wonder if he had unusually long stamina or no longer took the other slaves as much as he had, since he’d, as he put it, ‘fallen in love’ with Haldir, words that Haldir still had trouble believing. Still, he couldn’t deny that Dorvane had treated him like a prince these last few weeks, and true to his word, had not laid one punishing finger on him. The other slaves obviously weren’t faring as well.
Shoran glared toward Haldir but the Elf had already disappeared back into what looked to be a very luxurious room, his hatred for the Elf grew deeper then. Dorvane’s personal whore – but he couldn’t dwell on that now. Dorvane was waiting for an answer. “He grabbed me… and tried to force me to my knees to pleasure him… he’s done it before.”
Haldir quickly got his own water glass and slipped past Dorvane, reaching out to Shoran. “Here, drink this,” he said softly as the guards shifted nervously beside the slave and glared at Haldir. One of them even had the nerve to leer at him, remembering all the times he’d taken the Elf against his will.
Dorvane’s eyes widened when Shoran spoke but he had no chance to react before Haldir had stepped between them to aid the man. He saw the same guard who’d been accused leer at Haldir too and in that instant lost control of his temper. Dorvane’s hand shot out quickly, gripping the guard by his throat and lifting him at least a foot off the ground as he slammed him against the wall. “If I catch you looking at Haldir that way again I’ll kill you,” he murmured, “and if you try to force a slave to pleasure you before you have leave to do so ever again you will wish for death because so help me I’ll turn you over to them and let them punish you… do I make myself clear?”
As the guard was slammed against the wall, he almost took Shoran with him, he was gripping the man’s arm so tightly. Haldir caught Shoran before he could be pushed back as well, steadied him, and looked at Dorvane in utter shock. He’d been so used to the guards leering at him, he’d barely noticed, so Dorvane’s jealousy came as a complete surprise. The threat of turning the guard over to the slaves, however, was even more so. As a dead silence filled the hallway, Haldir finally turned back to Shoran and held the glass up to his lips. “I… here, Shoran… drink this. I think… I think you are safe for the moment,” he finally managed though his voice was a bit unsteady.
Shoran was shocked as Dorvane attacked the guard that had tormented him so many times in the past but when he turned back to the Elf his eyes flared with hatred again. “I do not need your help, whore,” he said turning away from the Elf. “You think you are better than us now because you spread your legs for him willingly? You are nothing, even less than us because you do not fight; you just let him take you,” Shoran hissed, not thinking of the consequences of his words.
Stung by Shoran’s words, Haldir backed away just in time to see Dorvane’s face. His master was heading toward the slave now, with a murderous look in his eyes that left the Elf no doubt as to what he would do. “No, Dorvane, please!” He stepped between Dorvane and Shoran, knowing that Shoran had every right to feel as he did. “I beg of you, don’t hurt him! He is right… I…” He ignored the guards and rested his hand on Dorvane’s arm. “I do spread my legs willingly for you. He speaks only the truth. Please don’t punish him for that.”
When Shoran insulted Haldir, Dorvane dropped the guard roughly and started to grab the slave but Haldir stood between them, begging him not to hurt the man who had just insulted him. “He just insulted you,” he said angrily and glared at the slave behind Haldir. When the Elf touched his arm gently though, Dorvane took a breath and looked at Haldir, seeing the worry in his eyes. “You, Shoran, are lucky he is speaking for you despite your words. You should not be so quick to judge another… if you were given the choices this Elf was, you might have taken them too,” he said simply to remind the man that the Elf had been in his position.
“Take him back to his cell… and do not touch him again until I give you leave to do so.” He turned from the guards then and took Haldir’s arm to lead him back to his rooms still irritated at all that had taken place. “You should not have defended him.”
Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat, wondering if now Dorvane’s old temper would flare. If it did, he could no longer fight back, or the Valar only knew what would happen to Faramir, but he sincerely hoped he could at least keep the damage to a minimum. “I am sorry, Dorvane,” he said softly, resting his hand over Dorvane’s as it gripped his arm. “It is only that I have been in his position too many times. He is a good man, and he only spoke out of anger. He was taken from his family and loves another slave, though he is forced to do terrible things to him. I cannot blame him for being angry to see me so healthy and hale, with not a mark on me.”
Dorvane frowned as he led Haldir back into their rooms and sighed heavily as he released the Elf’s arm. “Do not be sorry… I just meant,” Dorvane paused and sat down heavily in a chair and shook his head. “I do not understand you very well at all do I?” he smiled then and reached out to tangle his fingers with Haldir’s pulling him closer and down into his lap. “All right, you cannot blame him, even if he was snapping at someone trying to help him. You say he loves someone here in this prison? I take it not his cell mate?”
Relaxing as Dorvane’s temper seemed to dissipate before his very eyes, Haldir shook his head and let one arm rest around broad shoulders, idly twisting a lock of hair around his fingers – something he never, ever thought he would be able to do a few months ago. Gods, how things had changed, and how different his life was now without Faramir. “No. They were cellmates for a short time, when Landar first arrived, but then they were separated. Now, they only see each other in the… in the rooms when you or the guards want them to… perform.” He watched Dorvane’s face carefully as he spoke, treading on uncertain ground here, and ready to stop should he see any signs of anger. “He was put in my cell for a few weeks and told me as much, then he was moved again. I only saw him when…
when we were taken to the rooms.”
Dorvane frowned as Haldir spoke but simply continued to rub small circles at his waist and enjoyed the fact Haldir too was touching him and even toying with his hair. “I am going to ask an obvious question now… you think I should arrange for them to be cellmates?” He smiled just a little when he saw Haldir hesitate as if afraid to answer. “I will tell the guards when they return to arrange it… and I’ll make sure they know it was your idea. They can make of it what they will. Unfortunately… all of this has set my day off badly, I am to meet with Saruman in less than an hour and still have the guards to deal with their assignments. When I return this evening I will send dinner ahead of me,” he said and pulled Haldir close to kiss him gently.
Haldir smiled when Dorvane promised to make the arrangements but shuddered when he mentioned Saruman. Despite himself, he was beginning to lose his hatred of Dorvane. He couldn’t deny that Dorvane did everything he could to please him. He was, completely against his will, beginning to care for the man in some odd way. His fingers tangled in Dorvane’s hair as they kissed and when they finally pulled away, he didn’t make a move to get up. “I will wait and eat with you, but…” He stopped, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, not believing he was going to ask this, but even more than that, not believing that he actually cared to know the answer. It was something they’d never talked about however, and for now at least, he felt secure enough to question Dorvane. “When you meet with him… with Saruman…” He pulled back and met his lover’s gaze squarely. His fingers, kept gently twisting in Dorvane’s hair, however, subconsciously soothing him without even being aware of doing so. “He does not hurt you, does he?”
Dorvane could never get over how Haldir’s kisses made him feel. They seemed to open something inside him that had been hidden for so very long and he loved that feeling. But then the look, the… concern he thought he saw in those blue eyes made his stomach flutter. Dorvane worried his bottom lip for a moment when Haldir asked if Saruman hurt him. He wasn’t sure how to answer Haldir’s question and felt the Elf try to catch his gaze again. “You do not wish to hear such things,” he said softly to avoid the subject but he couldn’t stand up to walk away, Haldir was still firmly planted in his lap and he wasn’t about to just push the Elf away even if that had been his first instinct.
Long lashes fell over blue eyes and despite all Dorvane had put both him and Faramir through; the idea of the man he was with now being hurt made Haldir’s heart ache. He had no idea what to say, so he simply wrapped his arms around Dorvane’s neck and held him for a moment, knowing that it brought him comfort, and in some strange way helped Haldir as well. Every time they had been together, even in the same room, he had wondered what the bands on Dorvane’s forearms meant, wondered if they were somehow connected to Saurman. Sometimes, he almost felt that Dorvane the slavemaster was only Saruman’s puppet, and Dorvane the man was buried hidden away far beneath the handsome outer layers, able to show himself only on rare occasions and at great expense. “I am sorry,” he whispered against his lover’s ear.
Dorvane’s arms came up to wrap around Haldir, feeling comforted by the hug and the softly whispered words. It made him feel cared for, something he hadn’t felt in a lifetime it seemed. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and pulled Haldir even tighter against him. “Thank you… it is easier to bear knowing… knowing I have you to come back to at the end of the day though. I was not… I was not always the man you have known all these years. We all have our debts to pay, Haldir,” he said softly and finally released the Elf so he could pull away if he wished. “These… you asked about these before and I refused to tell you what they were. They… they are my handcuffs… they bind me to Saruman’s will. They were once my salvation as well as my own prison.” At that he sat back and patted Haldir on the thigh. “I need to go soon…”
Haldir sighed and sat up straighter in Dorvane’s lap, but took both his wrists and studied them closely. “One day, I wish to know more about these.” His fingertips ran over both his lover’s forearms, then down, over the bands that he had seldom touched, and over the palms of his hands. “I do not wish to make you late, but one day, I do hope that I can remove these handcuffs from your wrists as you removed the submission ring from me.” He smiled and pressed a final kiss against Dorvane’s cheek. He had not been with Dorvane after he’d met with Saruman, so he had no idea in what shape or mood he would return. “Why don’t you order a cold dinner, and we can eat late? I will have a hot bath waiting and if there is anything I can do to make you forget… whatever happens, I will gladly do so.”
Dorvane repressed a shudder when Haldir’s fingertips passed over the cuffs, feeling them automatically tighten at the touch. He nodded as Haldir spoke of wishing to know more about them and found himself smiling wistfully as he spoke of removing them. They could never be removed unless Saruman died and then… and then Dorvane likely would die too. “A cold dinner it is then,” he said smiling and pressing a quick sweet kiss to the tip of Haldir’s nose. “I’ll make sure that we have more of those berries you liked as well… oh… I almost forgot,” he said as Haldir slipped from his lap and Dorvane stood and crossed to a small dresser. “I brought this back for you yesterday but… you distracted me so much I forgot to give it to you,” he grinned at the memory of how Haldir had distracted him. It was a small book that Haldir had said he had read many years ago but wished to read again. It had not been easy to find.
Reaching for the book and running his fingers lightly over the spine, Haldir looked up at Dorvane in astonishment. “You… you got me a gift.” As he opened the book and realized it was in Elvish, his astonishment grew. He knew how difficult this must have been to locate, and must have cost Dorvane dearly as well. He leaned forward and kissed Dorvane deeply, and much longer than a simple ‘thank you’ kiss should last. “You are different these days, Dorvane,” he said, resting his forehead against his lover’s. “I do not know if the others see it, but here, when it is just us, I…” He stopped, worried his bottom lip for a moment, then gave Dorvane a tentative smile, trying to both thank and compliment him for no other reason than he deserved it. “When I first suggested being your lover, I thought my life would be dark, cold, and filled with pain. I thought I would hate you, and hate every moment, and wish for death with every sunrise.” His fingers combed through Dorvane’s hair as he smiled. He still longed for Faramir with ever fiber of his being, but this, this life he led, could have been far, far worse. “I do not wish for death, and there is no darkness or coldness or pain. And…” Their gazes met and he looked deep into dark eyes. “I do not hate you. Not even a little. Not anymore.” Slowly, his hand moved to cup Dorvane’s face. “I wish you didn’t have to go to him tonight, Dorvane. Not tonight or any other night… not ever again.”
Dorvane was surprised but deeply pleased by the kiss Haldir gave him in exchange for the gift he’d brought him. He loved that feeling, the feeling of making the Elf happy and the feeling it gave him to see the light in those blue eyes when he was happy.
When Haldir spoke of him being different these days he knew the Elf spoke the truth. As the tides of the war had begun to turn and Saruman began to suffer more and more defeats, Dorvane had begun to feel different himself, the wizards hold lessening somewhat because his energies were being directed elsewhere. The man Dorvane had once been before his agreement with the wizard was starting to surface again and though at one time Dorvane felt he didn’t deserve to live, now… now that he’d fallen in love with Haldir he felt differently. The man he once was wanted to reclaim the life he had all but given up.
Dorvane found himself worried at first when Haldir spoke of his fears but then found himself smiling as he said he didn’t hate him. “I am glad you no longer hate me… that… is more than I could have ever hoped for,” he said softly, not willing to push for more because he knew the Elf did not love him. Like, care for even but certainly not love. Not after the things he’d done and not after the choices the Elf had been forced to make. “I will hopefully be back soon… and when I do… I promise I will tell you of… of these bands and why I have them… and what Saruman uses them for.” With that the man brushed another sweet kiss against Haldir’s lips and headed for the door, just as he reached it however one of the guards knocked. He sighed heavily. “I almost timed that perfectly,” he murmured hoping to have been away from his rooms before the guards came.
Haldir knew that whatever Dorvane had to tell him when he returned wouldn’t be pleasant, yet he still felt the need to hear it. He also knew that whenever he returned, he would not be himself… a meeting with Saruman could not possibly end well, and often, his worst punishments were on the days he saw Saruman drifting in and out of the main houses, or Dorvane leaving, heading in the direction of Isengard. He tried to remember all the pain Dorvane had caused, tried telling himself that he deserved whatever Saruman had in store for him, but memories of the past few weeks filled his mind instead, and he looked down at the book in his hand. With a sigh, he settled on the couch, watching as Dorvane regarded the guard before him with a rather odd look on his face.
When Dorvane opened the door the smell assaulted him before he could even utter a word to the guard. He pulled a face and tried to ignore it as the guard began to report that they had in fact moved Shoran to Lindar’s room and shifted their respective cellmates to share a room. Dorvane nodded and then the guard proceeded to remind him that Saruman was on the premises.
“I know, I am on my way to meet with him now but first, you understand what took place earlier? I cannot have you undermine my authority for your own pleasure, you know I allow you to take the slaves often enough without having to go behind my back… besides someone might actually not even mind you so much if you weren’t so filthy. You do know what a bath is do you not?” he said straightening the cuffs of his tunic, allowing them to drape over his wristbands.
“A… a bath my lord?”
“A. Bath. You know, soap and water? Does your sense of smell not work? You stink… ,” he said waving his hands to get the guard to move out of the doorway and with that slipped out of the room, missing he look on Haldir’s face as he left to go meet with Saruman.
Haldir only just managed to keep from howling with laughter at Dorvane’s words until the door had closed and he was certain the guards were a safe distance away. It was odd to think that Dorvane had a sense of humor, but sometimes, like now, he could make Haldir’s sides hurt he laughed so hard.
Yes, he thought as he curled up under a blanket and carefully opened his new book caressing the pages as if they were a lover, things could have turned out far, far worse for him.
Chapter 16
Normally Dorvane’s skin was a soft shade of bronze but after any time with Saruman as he’d spent today being punished for things that weren’t even in his control as a slave master he was as pale as snow and felt equally as cold. His body ached everywhere at once but most of all his wrists and arms bore the brunt of the pain. Normally he would only return to his rooms for a few moments to clean up and then he would head to the slave quarters and begin choosing his quarry for that night and the next day and perhaps even the next to alleviate the pain he felt. He debated with himself now, he could not return to his chambers and hurt Haldir and he could not go to the slave quarters as he was now. They would see too much and he would lose the edge of control he had over them.
When he arrived before the door, yet again he debated with himself, but he was so tired, he needed a moment and Gods he needed to change clothing. This was why he wore black all the time.Saruman’s visits forced him to do that. His arm hurt almost unbearably as he tried to lift it to open the door, but he just managed to do so, pushing it carefully open as he gritted his teeth in pain.
It was late, much later than Haldir had expected Dorvane to be, but he’d been true to his word and kept the water warm and the dinner waiting. He heard somewhat unsteady footsteps making their way down the hallway and stood, and by the time the door began to open, he was on the other side, opening it himself. He was shocked at the sight that met his eyes and cried out softly as he automatically reached for Dorvane who looked like he was ready to simply fall over and die right then and there.
Supporting him almost completely, Haldir led Dorvane over the bed and gently helped him lay down, biting his bottom lip as he noticed how quickly the sheets became dark with blood beneath his lover. Kneeling beside the bed, he carefully brushed sweat-slicked hair back from Dorvane’s pale face, surprised at how cool his skin felt. “How can I help you?” he asked softly. “Tell me what you need Dorvane. Tell me how to ease your pain.”
Dorvane cringed and bit back a yelp of pain when Haldir reached for him. Gods, it hurt to be touched.he imagined even breathing on him would hurt at the moment though. He felt dizzy and was grateful when Haldir helped lay him down on the bed. “There is nothing that can be done. Besides I would.think you would enjoy seeing me suffering like this, not offering to help after all I did to you over the years,” he murmured as he tried to regard Haldir from eyes narrowed with pain. It wasn’t exactly true. Something could be done but Dorvane wasn’t sure if he was ready to explain it to Haldir. What could he do anyway? He wasn’t about to take it out on Haldir who had all this time kept their bargain and been the perfect lover to him.
Even as Dorvane spoke, Haldir was carefully unlacing his tunic. He stopped before pushing it off broad shoulders, however, and frowned. “No, I do not enjoy seeing you suffer,” he said softly. His hands slid beneath Dorvane’s lower back and lifted him easily but gently, then started to push his shirt down, letting Dorvane’s head rest against his shoulder. It seemed most of the blood was coming from beneath the bands around his wrists, so he simply tore the rest of the shirt away, careful not to put any pressure on or around the bands as he continued to speak. “I want to help you, Dorvane, please… just tell me how. Seeing you like this brings me no pleasure at all. Do you not have healing herbs… or can you have a guard fetch some so I can make a salve or… tea… or… something?”
Shocked by Haldir’s words, Dorvane simply shook his head. This is why I hurt you and so many others. His tunic was still damp with sweat and blood and he tried to raise his hand to stop Haldir from removing his tunic but that only resulted in his crying out in pain. “It.I can try to fight it.but it takes.time,” he finally said though he knew his words would make little sense to Haldir. “There is nothing for it.Saruman’s magic.no salve or tea for it.” It wasn’t completely a lie, he wasn’t sure when that had started to matter to him. Lying was something he’d done for many years now but lying to Haldir in the last few months had become impossible for him.
Just as Haldir had expected, blood was welling from beneath the leather bands around Dorvane’s wrists and his hands were swollen and red, looking almost as if they’d been blistered from the heat, despite how pale the rest of his body was. Cursing Saruman under his breath, he finally threw the last bit of fabric in the floor and caught Dorvane’s face between his hands, forcing the man to look at him. “You are a terrible liar. There has to be something that can be done. I have never seen you in pain like this. Tell me what to do, Dorvane.”
“You will not like the answer,” Dorvane said softly as he looked into Haldir’s eyes. He saw the Elf set his jaw and start to argue again when Dorvane sighed heavily. “There is a way but.but I do not.I do not wish to do it. Normally I come back here first, manage to clean myself.and.and then go to the slave quarters. You see.when Saruman is angry as he was today.he.bleeds me using his magic and when I am almost done for, he sends me back here to either suffer for several days like this or go to the slave quarters and extract.blood for blood,” he whispered softly. “The more I make a slave bleed the less pain I have.”
Everything was making more sense day by day as Haldir learned more about Dorvane and his debt to Saruman. All the hatred he’d once held for Dorvane was now firmly and irretrievably directed toward the wizard. He was at a loss as to what to do and afraid to touch his lover’s arms, afraid to cause him even more pain. His hands moved soothingly over pale, clammy skin, brushing back Dorvane’s hair, offering all the comfort he could. “Blood for blood,” he said softly. “Does it have to be blood from a slave, or will blood from a lover work just as well? Tell me the truth Dorvane. Did you really think you could hide this from me?”
“I do not know,” Dorvane answered honestly. “I thought.” he paused as pain flared in his arms for a moment and winced. “I did debate with myself about it as I returned but I had not been able to make a decision. I thought perhaps I might be able to clean up and then go to the slaves.but.I do not want to hurt anyone, I.I know you will not believe me but I never did want to hurt anyone I.I just, I had to or.I would be like this for days at a time and unable to carry out my other tasks. The guards.if they saw this weakness they would mutiny and things here.would grow much worse for the slaves than they are now,” Dorvane explained softly. He’d never told Haldir any of this, had never admitted his weakness or his pain to anyone, the guards did not know of it, only Saruman knew and now Haldir.
Haldir’s eyes searched Dorvane’s face and he felt even worse for hating him so intensely for so many years, though he could not have known under what circumstances he had been operating. He leaned forward, pressed a soft kiss to pale lips and nodded. “I believe you,” he whispered. As he pulled away, he was already sitting up and looking around the room, his gaze finding the knife that lay beside the tray of cold meats sitting on the table for their dinner. Without waiting for Dorvane to say anything more, he crossed the room, grabbed the knife, and then crawled onto the bed, lying beside him. He slipped one arm beneath his lover’s head and the other around his waist, pulling him close even as he put the knife to his own palm. “Try and relax. Perhaps a lover’s blood will work even better than a slave’s.”
Dorvane’s eyes widened as soon as Haldir said the words and he was shaking his head almost violently. “No.no I said I would not hurt you and in these last months I have not.I have no desire to see you hurt to alleviate my pain. No, Haldir,” he whispered earnestly. At one time, yes, he would and had in fact used Haldir in the past for this very reason but not now.not since he discovered he was still capable of feeling things like love and laughter and joy.
“You are not hurting me,” Haldir murmured, seeing the panic in his lover’s eyes. He paused long enough to reach down and pull the blankets over them both, knowing Dorvane must be cold from losing so much blood, and then ripped the front of his own tunic open. Moving even closer, he reached between them and pressed bloodied hands against his chest, careful not to touch the wrists. He couldn’t explain what he was feeling, but the idea of Dorvane ‘bleeding’ someone else made him feel… out of sorts. “I want to do this. You are bleeding too much. You need blood. I… for some reason, I think it should be mine.”
“Should be yours?” Dorvane all but gasped the words shaking his head even as Haldir looked into his eyes so intently. He was appalled by the very idea but he couldn’t help but feel the love he felt for the Elf grow in his heart – an Elf he had treated so badly just months before. Tears made his vision blur but he blinked them away, yet another weakness he didn’t want Haldir to witness. “I.I cannot.it hurts too much to move and I just.I cannot do this to you. I am simply too weary.Saruman was very angry today, he lost control of the king of Rohan.Gandalf.defeated him.so even if I wanted to do this.I cannot.” He would suffer, Saruman would not let him die, no.he would just suffer for several days instead.
Wrapping the blanket more securely around them, Haldir nodded and reached around Dorvane again. Long dark hair was still spread over his left arm which was cradling Dorvane’s head and his right hand still held the blade. “Close your eyes, Dorvane. You have to do nothing.” With that, Haldir dug the end of the knife blade into his palm with his free hand. The blade was sharp and went deep, and the wound began to bleed at once. The blanket was soon as saturated with Haldir’s blood as the sheets were with Dorvane’s. “Is that helping at all?” the Elf whispered. “Or do you need someone besides me?”
“No.no, please no,” Dorvane said trying to fight Haldir on this but was truly too weak to put up any sort of fight. A part of the man wondered why the Elf hadn’t simply taken the opportunity to throttle him and escape. The Ranger’s life you fool.don’t ever forget that is why he would stay, why he is offering this now. He swallowed hard when Haldir asked him to close his eyes, he could see the stubborn set of his lover’s jaw and knew that Haldir could not be swayed. In resignation he did close his eyes, he could not watch, all these years of torturing prisoners and now he couldn’t watch his lover do this. He knew as soon as the blade had cut into tender flesh. He could feel the slightest edge off his pain and flinched slightly. “It is helping but I promised you no pain and now…”
Haldir slowly opened the cut a little more, careful to keep his face impassive despite the pain in his hand, just in case Dorvane peeked. The blood flowed even more freely and he worked his fingers, urging the crimson fluid to flow as quickly as possible. After a moment, he put the knife down and with his free hand began rubbing Dorvane’s side. “Shhh, it barely stings,” he lied, pressing his lips against his lover’s temple, watching his hand to make sure the blood didn’t slow. “And you are not hurting me. Not since I stepped inside these quarters have you hurt me, Dorvane. You have been true to your word, and I am offering this freely whenever you need it… though I hope you won’t need it often because I no matter what you think, I do not enjoy seeing you suffer. In fact… I hate it.”
Dorvane found it in him to actually snort when Haldir said his cut barely stung. “Now who is the terrible liar?” he grumbled, though he kept his eyes closed. Now he felt the smallest rush of coolness against his arms that took just the edge off the worst of his pain. With each drop that was spilled though, he felt his own wounds bleed less beneath the bands, it was happening faster than it ever had before. He had to open his eyes then, his worry for Haldir sending him almost into a panic. When he looked though.the cut was deep and bleeding profusely but.not what he expected based on the amount of relief he was feeling. Perhaps blood freely given instead of taken by force helped him more? Perhaps he was just losing his mind. He let his eyes close again, feeling horrible both physically and emotionally because Haldir had done this for him after all the terrible things he’d done to him over the years. “I am so sorry,” he whispered softly.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Haldir admonished sternly, though he wore a half smile on his face. He could see that Dorvane’s pain was diminishing with every passing moment, and was grateful. He hated to see anyone in pain, he reasoned, and Dorvane had been good to him since he had been his lover, so it only made sense that he didn’t want to see him suffer. The rational part of his mind refused to let him think any more along those lines, but he was unreasonably relieved as the man in his arms finally began to relax and breathe easier. “None of this is your fault, Dorvane. It is Saruman’s, and one day he is going to pay for what he has done to us all. For now, though, I want you to relax. When you are ready, I will bathe you and tuck you into bed if you will let me.”
“Oh but it is my fault.more than you know,” Dorvane murmured. His body was starting to relax more, he was surprised, often it took much more than this..even so he wished for Haldir to stop as soon as he could. Once he would feel strong enough to function at least he would make him stop. “Once I can sit up again.I want you to work on stopping the bleeding, please. It is always enough once I can at least tolerate it,” he explained. “And I would welcome a bath very much… thank you,” he whispered. “I know you say I have nothing to be sorry for.but I have so much. This.all of it was my own fault. I made a mistake and I pay for it often. I was truly a fool to have ever believed Saruman you know.I was so young and naive then,” he offered a sort of half laugh and sighed as he felt more pain leaving him.
“We all have made mistakes,” Haldir murmured, combing his fingers through dark hair. “I can lose a lot more blood than men, so I will stop it when you stop hurting… not just when you can tolerate it.” Before Dorvane could argue, Haldir dared to put his finger over his lover’s lips and shushed him. “Tonight, please, let me make the decisions. You were in so much pain only a few moments ago you could barely walk… so I’m asking you to trust me enough to think for us both, if only for a few hours.”
Dorvane was surprised when Haldir shushed him and simply stared at the Elf for a moment. Months ago the Elf wouldn’t dare do that; even a few weeks ago he didn’t think that Haldir would risk doing such a thing. He found himself smiling despite the pain. “I trust you,” he whispered. “And.I know everyone makes mistakes they just do not always make them as spectacularly as I have,” he whispered, wincing a little as one of his arms began to sting as it normally did when he was starting to heal. He saw the look Haldir was giving him and offered a small grin. “You never thought I would ever admit to something like making a mistake did you?”
Haldir smiled in response and shook his head. “No, I honestly never dreamed you would.” He regarded Dorvane in silence for a moment, his uninjured hand still brushing lightly across Dorvane’s forehead. “Will you tell me about it? About your mistake, and about… about what he does to you when he is angry?”
Dorvane nodded. He knew this conversation would come sooner or later, and closed his eyes for a moment trying to think of the best place to start. “My father was a wealthy man, a well respected merchant in Gondor. When I was but a boy he made an arrangement with another business man who had a daughter. We were betrothed, even though we had never met before. As you already know.my.preference for a partner is not female,” he began and then paused for a moment. “I was young when my father decided I had ‘come of age’ and she was even younger than I was.just a teenager really. I already had a lover.I cared for him a great deal though I do not think I was in love with him, I did love him. He had been my first in so many ways. Anyway.her father brought her to Gondor and we were to be married. She found me pleasing enough I suppose, at least she said so.but then everything went horribly wrong.” He stopped at that point to shift slightly on the bed, his body still aching.
Nodding, Haldir looked away only a moment to hold open the wounds on his hands to keep the blood flowing, even as he imagined Dorvane as a young man, committed to a relationship he didn’t want. “Go on,” he encouraged, still touching his lover in all the ways he knew he liked, doing his best to keep Dorvane relaxed and focused on something besides the pain.
Haldir’s gentle touches made it easier for him to continue not to mention the fact that he pain was slowly ebbing away. “I knew that I would be getting married within a week and I had made a promise to myself that even though I wasn’t particularly attracted to women or even to her.I would be a good husband. I would not cheat on her and I would not make her feel lacking, as was my duty both to her and my father. But I wanted one last night with my lover. I did not expect what happened next. I was certain I would have this one last night with a man and then that would be it. But she had decided to visit my room before the wedding.and she caught us. She came there with grand notions I guess of seducing me before the wedding night only to find me with him. She was beyond angry. I have never witnessed someone behave that way,” Dorvane shook his head and looked up at Haldir for a long moment.
“Was she more angry that you were with someone else… or with another man?” Haldir asked, letting his hand move tentatively from Dorvane’s face down to this shoulders where he began massaging pain-tensed muscles when there was no protest.“She was not upset I was cheating on her, she was upset because it was with a man. She even went to our fathers and they laughed at her, only making her feelings of being insulted even worse. They called her childish and even her own father said she was too sheltered. I felt bad for her actually and went to her to apologize and promise that I would never take a lover man or woman while we were wed and she practically threw me out of the room saying that she would never allow someone as perverse as me to touch her. I thought she might calm down eventually but.rather than marry me.she threw herself off the watchtower,” he stopped speaking then and closed his eyes at the memories. “She would rather die than marry me.and then.then we discovered why. The man I had been with.my lover.she had killed him with the small bow my own father had given her as part of her wedding gift so we could hunt together.”
Haldir’s eyes filled with unshed tears as Dorvane spoke. So much pain, so much suffering, only because he wanted one last night with his lover. On top of the torture, there was no wonder he had been a cold, cruel man for most of the time Haldir had known him… living with both emotional and physical pain changes a man, not to mention Saruman’s bitter influence and his wicked spells. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady, but it wavered a bit as he spoke. “And that’s when you met Saruman, isn’t it? Somehow he found you at your weakest hour and manipulated you into helping him do his bidding.”
Dorvane nodded as the memory of that night flooded back. “He found me at my absolute weakest, Haldir. These bands,” he paused and slowly turned his arms over, “these bands cover my greatest shame. That night I felt I had nothing to live for. My lover was dead, my betrothed chose murder and death over me.I was broken and lost and felt it was all my fault for being.being who I was. So I ran away and late that night I attempted to take my own life and almost succeeded. As my blood pooled around me in the forest the wizard found me.he used his magic to bind the wounds and told me he would save my life and give me a duty to work for him.something to live for he’d said.and I took him up on the offer. He lied.”
“You were upset, confused… I understand how you must have felt,” Haldir said softly. “I am glad you were found, for you were not to blame for their deaths, but, gods, I wish someone – anyone – else had found you. You had – and have – so much to live for Dorvane. There has to be a way to break his control over you, a way to make him stop hurting you like this.”
“Only his death and I have a notion that his death would mean mine as well.it is the way he is, he makes sure that there are guarantees that his creations cannot kill him though with me.perhaps he did not make that concession after all when he found me I wished for death.it is hard to say and in recent months I have to admit,” he paused and smiled as he looked up at Haldir, “I no longer have a wish for death.”
Haldir returned Dorvane’s smile, though his hatred and desire for revenge on Saruman grew tenfold. He could so easily see the man Dorvane had been… and could still be if Saruman were dead. A good man, a kind man, one who deserved to be happy and cared for and loved by someone who would cherish him for all the goodness Saruman had tried to take from him for so long now. “Well that is a good thing, since I have no intention of letting you die,” he said as he slipped carefully of the bed again and pressed a kiss to Dorvane’s lips. The kisses, he told himself, were all part of ‘playing’ the part of the lover, but somehow, especially over the last few hours, they had gone from being expected and formerly demanded tokens of affections to a bit more, though Haldir hadn’t even realized that yet.
“Your pain has lessened… can you stand the water if we take that bath now? I want to make sure you aren’t still bleeding and with so much blood already… it is difficult to tell.”
Dorvane felt his heart warm in his chest when Haldir kissed him so sweetly. He had much less pain now and nodded. “I feel much better, talking to you.finally telling someone about my past actually took my mind off of the pain for a bit,” he whispered. “I think a bath would be perfect, it will warm me and I hate feeling this blood on my skin.” He sat up slowly with Haldir’s help and took his uninjured hand weakly. “I cannot thank you enough for helping me, Haldir.you had no reason to.” He was still surprised that Haldir would even offer his own blood for him, surprised the Elf was caring for him at all. He knew that it wasn’t entirely genuine of course the Elf was playing his part but even that knowledge did not seem to drown out the warmth Dorvane felt from his gestures and sweet words.
“You are not a bad man, Dorvane,” Haldir smiled, seeing that the recently tortured man was in no position to walk. He quickly undressed, then carefully lifted his lover as easily as a man would lift a child and carried him across to the bath, where he stepped in and slowly sat down, settling Dorvane in his lap for a change. “You do not have to thank me for caring, you know, or for not wanting to see you in pain. I understand now why you did some of the things you did, but I think now that those were the acts of Saruman, not you… not the real you.”
“Perhaps I am not a bad man, but I have done bad things, Haldir, you of all people know this,” Dorvane said softly. “There were times.when I found myself enjoying what I did too and that I will always despise myself for.” When the rest of what Haldir had said sunk in though Dorvane simply stared at the Elf. You do not have to thank me for caring. How could he care about him after all he’d done or even not done in the last eight years. How could just the last few months make up for all of that? “I do not speak the words often because I know you do not love me in return but I do love you, Haldir and you have no idea how much it means to me that you.that you care at all.”
Haldir looked down as the water around them already began turning dark with Dorvane’s blood, uncertain of how to respond. He took the washcloth that lay folded over the side and began dripping water over crimson-colored arms, unsure if the burns or blisters were still there or of they too had healed. “If my heart were free to give away, Dorvane, I could possibly forget the last eight years, and simply remember the least few months, but…” He didn’t want to talk about Faramir, not like this. Slowly he met Dorvane’s gaze and traced his fingertips along the line of his jaw and neck as he spoke. “Dorvane, I… I belong to you, you know. For as long as you draw breath, or as long as you want me, I will be your lover, and I will care for you,… and not only because I promised to. I do truly and honestly care about the man that Saurman does not control, the man who is not cruel or cold, the man who laughs and smiles and tells the guards that they need to bathe. I will take care of you in every way I know how, and I will always, always ease the pain both in your body and your heart if it is within my power to do so.”
Dorvane frowned at how much blood was in the water with them, even as the warmth of it both felt good and hurt at the same time. He tried to relax against his lover and for a moment he felt badly when Haldir spoke of his heart not being free. He knew Haldir’s heart belonged to the Ranger he’d set free.and it appeared that was never going to change. “I need you and I want you here with me,” he whispered. Deep down he knew that he should let Haldir go, but he could not. Even if he could make himself give up this Elf he loved, he still could not release him. Haldir had made a contract with Saruman not him.Saruman held Haldir’s fate just as he held Dorvane’s. He closed his eyes and rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder, a gesture that was unusual between them, something usually Haldir did to him. “I am so tired.”
Haldir smiled and pressed a kiss against Dorvane’s temple, then rested his cheek against his the top of his head. “I know,” he said softly. “It has been a long day, and one I hope you never have to relive. Rest, mellonamin. I will take care of you.” The water was still warm and relaxing, the wound on his hand had stopped bleeding, and his lover was leaning more and more heavily against him. He continued wringing the washcloth out over each of Dorvane’s arms, and then gently wiped his face and neck until no trace of blood was left and Dorvane’s arms looked almost normal again. By the time he was finished, Dorvane was snoring softly against him. Haldir rinsed the blood off his own hand and stood, being careful not to wake the man who was and always would be his master and his lover, and the man he now looked upon as a friend. He changed the water, washed them both again, then sat down on the small stool beside the tub and dried them both, realizing that the man must truly be exhausted, because he never once stirred.
When they were dry, he carefully laid Dorvane on the rug in front of the fire and quickly stripped and remade the bed with fresh sheets, only now realizing why there were so many blankets underneath – to catch the blood. Moments later, he picked his lover up and gently tucked him in bed, then spooned up against his back. One arm slipped beneath Dorvane’s head as a pillow and the other slid around his waist, pulling him closer. Without thinking, his fingers found and entangled with the now thankfully warm fingers curled protectively up against Dorvane’s chest. The Elf held the sleeping form against him before placing a soft kiss at the base of his lover’s neck, just beneath his hair line. With that, he sighed softly and closed his eyes, falling to sleep only moments later.
Dorvane was completely oblivious to what Haldir was doing for a time, he’d fallen asleep in the tub, completely exhausted but once Haldir had taken him out of the tub and lifted him to carry him to the bed, Dorvane came awake but only slightly. His eyes opened to mere slits for a moment as he marveled at the way the Elf cared for him so gently. He wasn’t trying to spy on him really, but he was curious all the same. Haldir did seem to count him as a friend now at the very least as he tended him so gently. He started to fall back into an exhausted slumber by the time Haldir had joined him in front of the fire but his eyes fluttered slightly when he felt the warmth of Haldir’s kiss. It seemed to light a darkness within him, opening him and thawing the ice that had formed around his heart so long ago. He smiled the smallest of smiles. I love you. He thought the words silently as he had slipped back to sleep.
Chapter 17
Haldir put his book down and stretched, smiling as he caught the sight of his favorite roses just outside the window of the rooms he shared with Dorvane and felt the slight soreness in his backside from their activities earlier that morning. He felt the flesh between his legs harden at the thought and shook his head at himself. Gods, he really was living up to his name as Dorvane’s whore, but.all in all the experience surprisingly hadn’t been as terrible as he’d thought it would be. It had, in fact, been..almost pleasant. He hadn’t been hurt since he’d been elevated from slave to ‘lover’ and the sex.by the Valar, the sex – there was plenty of it, and he had to admit it was wonderful – and gentle, so unlike the previous years when Dorvane had taken him.
He was so aroused as he remembered the way Dorvane had reached for him that morning, he had to reach down and adjust himself, his lips twitching even more as his thoughts wandered. This man who had only recently took such great pleasure in mistreating him had now refused to even spank him or say a harsh word. Before his capture, Haldir might have enjoyed a nice spanking, but now.it held no pleasure for him at all. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was still pleasing to Dorvane, since things obviously had not worked out as either of them had expected. As he thought about the way Dorvane had lain in his arms after Saruman had tortured him, the way his lover had trusted him, gazed up at him in wonder as Haldir had cut himself and thanked him so sincerely and with such disbelief, the Elf decided that there had to be a middle road somewhere between gentleness and pain.
With another glance out the window, he saw that the sun was getting low, and knew Dorvane would be home soon. Standing quickly, he figured he had less than a quarter of an hour to find that middle road.and see if Dorvane would like to travel it.
Moments later, he was completely naked, his hair gathered at the nape of his neck with a thick piece of leather, his fingers slick with the lubricant they used when Dorvane took him. He managed to clear off the dressing table on the wall just behind the door so his lover wouldn’t see him at first when he came into the room, and climbed up on top, tilting his body so his backside hung just over the edge and his shoulders rested against the wall. His fingers slid over his entrance, but he didn’t insert them yet, and his cock was filling and thickening even more at the very thought of what he was getting ready to do.
Dorvane was grateful when he had finished with the last of the inventories, now free to finally return to his quarters with Haldir. The Elf always greeted him at the door with a kiss as if he was truly glad that Dorvane had returned. He knew from the very first day it had been an act but ever since Haldir had cared for him after his bleeding by Saruman, Dorvane wondered if all of it was an act or not. Haldir had been so kind and sweet and had taken such good care of him, not to mention freely given of his own blood to ease Dorvane’s pain. If anything it made the man love him more. He had told the Elf that he loved him, that he could not harm him because he loved him. He would hold to that he realized, wondering when he began to think of things like honor and keeping promises.even unspoken ones.
He shrugged off the thoughts as he made his way for his room and pushed open the door. “Hal.” he began saying his lover’s name and pausing as he saw him, the remainder of his lover’s name came out in a gasp. The Elf was completely naked and sitting on top of the dresser looking at him with a look that normally he only saw when they were in bed together. He swallowed hard as his eyes roved all over his lover’s body and his own body responded immediately to the scene before him.
Haldir’s eyes darkened as soon as he saw Dorvane. Dark thoughts no longer rose in him when their eyes met, instead, he felt an odd sense of protectiveness and something akin to… affection. Biting his lip, his gaze met his lover’s and he let two fingers slip inside his passage, moaning at the feeling of still tight muscles stretching, then again as he felt the remnants of Dorvane’s release still slick and warm inside him. “I can still feel you from this morning,” he managed in a somewhat ragged voice, holding Dorvane’s gaze. “I’m still open from where you took me… but when you came, you were so deep… Gods, I can still feel the heat on my fingertips. And I want more… more of you, Dorvane. Please.”
Dorvane stood completely motionless as Haldir’s fingers slid inside himself and then his words had the man achingly hard and his breath coming faster. His mouth was dry and his stomach was fluttering with a tension he felt only with Haldir. He seemed to move as if in a daze to the edge of the dresser. “I am very sorry to have kept you waiting then,” he whispered raggedly, as he stopped before his lover. His movements were slightly jerky as he practically ripped open his breeches to free his already aching cock. His fingers dipped into the jar beside Haldir and slicked himself as he stepped between his lover’s long legs. A hand grasped Haldir’s hip as he stared down at where fingers disappeared into his lover’s body and once they slipped free, Dorvane wasted no time. His arm wrapped around Haldir’s waist as the other hand guided his now slick arousal to his lover’s entrance, he didn’t pause, simply pressed deep, not stopping until he was completely buried within the tight heat.
Thrilled with the way Dorvane was looking at him and wasted no time in doing just what Haldir had hoped, the Elf waited until the hard shaft was deep inside him, then arched his back and took it in even deeper. His legs wrapped around firm, now trembling hips as they had so often lately, and his hands curled into the fabric of Dorvane’s tunic. Pale, almost translucent skin was now flushed with desire and his erection, which lay hot and hard against his stomach jerked and dripped clear fluid just above his navel, proof of just how much he desired Dorvane despite their past. “You don’t have to be gentle. Take what you want. I promise I won’t break. I want this… I want to feel your need tonight, Dorvane. “
Dorvane felt a fire surge within him at Haldir’s words, his hands reached up to yank his tunic over his head and toss it to the floor in one quick motion before his arms wrapped around Haldir. He hauled the Elf against him, his hips already thrusting into the tight heat as his mouth crushed down on Haldir’s. He’d expected to be greeted with a sweet kiss and dinner as usual, not this, not Haldir offering himself up like this, not Haldir wanting him this way. His tongue thrust into Haldir’s mouth, exploring and savoring the taste he craved until he was breathless. Dorvane’s hips continued to thrust even as he leaned back to catch his breath and stare into Haldir’s lust darkened gaze. He had no idea what had brought all this on but he wasn’t about to question it. Dorvane’s hand moved along Haldir’s thigh and grasped his hip firmly as he plunged into his lover, deeper with every thrust it seemed. “Gods,” he murmured, unable to say everything he wanted to ask.
Haldir was giving himself to Dorvane so completely, he was surprising even himself, but he couldn’t seem to help it. His body knew just what it wanted, and seemed to be simply moving on its on, meeting each thrust with one of it’s own, taking Dorvane’s cock in impossibly deep again and again. Haldir’s half-lidded eyes alternated between his lover’s undeniably handsome face and lust-driven eyes to the damp, darker skin where they were joined just before each breathtaking jolt of pure bliss raced up his spine and exploded in his brain. It was so different than their usual now-gentle coupling, but so unlike what it had been before. The difference was that this time, there was, thankfully, no real pain. His hands fastened on Dorvane’s thick upper arms and Haldir leaned up, sucking on his lover’s neck. “I can come without you even touching me,” he panted between thrusts; adjust his hips just the slightest bit so that Dorvane was just brushing against his sweet spot. One more tilt of either of their hips, and each inward movement would be slamming against it, not brushing… and he would be done for. “By the Valar, I’m close and so hard for you Dorvane.” Moving one hand to his stomach, he ran his fingertips through the clear drops of his own precome and brought them to his lips. And I’m so ready to come for you… so ready, pen vaelui (my lustful one).”
Their pace was almost frantic, Dorvane plunging into his lover with each thrust and moaning from the feeling of tight muscles clenching and releasing around him with every thrust. Haldir’s cheeks were flushed, his lips kiss swollen and red and his blue eyes were glittering and so dark with lust that it took Dorvane’s breath away just to look at him. He changed the angle just slightly again and felt tight muscles tense even more as the action elicited a low moan. When Haldir’s fingers rose to his lips and he began licking his own seed from the tips Dorvane felt his cock harden even more as he shifted his hips and slammed deep into his lover, the head squarely slamming against the Elf’s sweet spot. “Come for me, love, come for me for the first time tonight,” he murmured, certain that this would not be the last time he took Haldir that night.
The hard thrust against his prostate combined with Dorvane’s words – especially the part about the “first time” – to make Haldir do just as he’d been told. His back arched again in what would have seemed to an onlooker to be an almost painful spasm. His shoulders pressed against the wall and his legs locked harder around still thrusting hips, heels digging into the small of his lover’s back. He writhed for a moment, then froze, suspended on the heated shaft impaling him so thoroughly,. His body snapped up, and he wrapped both arms around Dorvane’s shoulder’s, veritably clinging to the man like a second skin. He came hard between them, loud cries muffled by the warmth of his lover’s neck, but still ringing out into the hallway as his release pulsed between them and his body shuddered through one orgasm and into another, his inner muscles clenching and releasing around the flesh buried deep inside.
When Haldir’s body arched away from him, his shoulders against the wall for support, Dorvane’s hand went to his lover’s throat, slowly moving down his body, the palm sliding down the center of his chest as his eyes drank in the sight of his lover. Everything happened at once it seemed, his own body pounding into his lover even as he drank in the pale beauty of his body. Dorvane thrust deeply again and in that moment he felt Haldir’s body tighten around him like a vice. Heels dug into his back but he didn’t feel them at all, all he felt was the rush of satisfaction of having sent his lover over the edge without once touching his cock. The moment didn’t last long though as the muscles milked his own flesh buried deep inside the hot channel. With one last impossibly deep thrust, Dorvane cried out as he exploded inside his lover.
Haldir moaned against Dorvane’s neck as he felt the pulse and release, the sudden warmth of his lover’s seed filling him so completely, several drops slipped out and ran down the cleft of his backside. Squeezing his muscles even more tightly, he concentrated on breathing, unable to move for the moment, his orgasm having taken almost every bit of energy from him; even the stamina of the Elves no match for such an all encompassing moment of pure pleasure. After a moment, he began nuzzling against Dorvane’s neck almost unconsciously, pulling him even closer as he did so. “Welcome home,” he murmured. “I missed you.”
Dorvane was still panting and shuddering as Haldir clung to him, and he lifted his lover just a bit to position him on the dresser a bit better before his own knees gave out. He was exhausted and sweaty and Gods it felt so good he was even weaving slightly back and forth. He smiled when Haldir finally spoke and then chuckled softly. “I love your welcome home kisses but this.I could get very used to this,” he teased and drew back slightly to look down at Haldir’s face. His beauty always seemed to strike Dorvane with a jolt to his stomach and this time was no different.
Feeling quite satisfied physically and thrilled that they seemed to have found a place they both seemed to enjoy sexually, Haldir smiled and ran his hand lightly over Dorvane’s broad chest. “As could I,” he agreed, gingerly straightening out his legs and thinking how thoughtful his lover was now, doing little things like making sure he was comfortable on the dresser before doing anything else. “I was hoping you wouldn’t object to a little surprise. Now that I know you don’t… I have all kinds of ideas.”
“Ideas?” Dorvane asked with a grin, “Hmmm, I think I like your ideas already.” His knees still felt a bit weak but he decided they were probably strong enough to take the few steps to the bed now. Instead of pulling away from Haldir though, he just wrapped his arms around him. “Hold onto me, love,” he whispered as he lifted the Elf into his arms and carried him to the bed. He slipped from inside his lover just as he lowered him to the bed and set to removing his boots and breeches before falling onto the bed beside the Elf. “So gorgeous,” he murmured as he leaned down and kissed the pale skin of Haldir’s chest and then moved lower to begin licking the cooling seed from his stomach.
Surprised, but touched once again at Dorvane’s ministrations, Haldir lay back on the bed, ran his fingers through dark hair and closed his eyes. It took him a moment to realize what, exactly, was being licked away and the moan that filled the room was both filled with longing and lust. “You were never supposed to drive me this crazy,” he whispered almost to himself. He knew he was betraying Faramir, but at the moment Faramir seemed so, so very far away. “But Gods, I want you all the time, Dorvane. Even when you’re not here, I’m counting the hours until you return… and I don’t even want to touch myself because I know it’ll be so much better if I wait for you.”
Dorvane gave one last lick to Haldir’s abdomen and leaned up on his elbow to gaze up at his lover. His fingers of his free hand continued to dance over Haldir’s skin as he took in his words. “If you are expecting me to complain.well lets just say it’s a good thing you are an Elf,” he teased. He was pleased with his words though he wondered how much of it was just to keep him happy. Happy. He blinked at the thought. When in his life had he felt that? Years? Almost two decades at least. “I think you know that I want you all the time, no matter what time of day it is,” he whispered. He didn’t have the courage to really ask if it was true or not, to ask if Haldir truly did really want him or if he just imagined he was someone else when they were together.
Haldir urged Dorvane to lie beside him, and then rested his head on his lover’s shoulder. The sweat that had covered his body moments before was now cooling, and he curled up closer, stealing Dorvane’s warmth, as usual. “You are good to me,” he admitted. “Things have changed so much, Dorvane… for the better. We are friends, lovers, I crave your touch now, I look forward to your coming home each day, and I think we have found that we can be both gentle and a bit rough and not cross any lines… if that is all right with you. I know you sometimes crave… a bit more than the gentility you have been handling me with lately. Was this to your liking tonight?”
Dorvane wrapped his arm around Haldir and frowned a little at his last question. “How can you ask that? No.I bugger every Elf who sits on my dresser in the nude to the point I feel like my knees are made of water,” Dorvane couldn’t quite hold his frown and began to smile. “Yes, I found it was very much to my liking, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it every day. I.frankly I expected to just be met at the door with a kiss.I like those too. Very much in fact.”
Laughing softly and trying not to admit that the very idea of another Elf sitting naked on Dorvane’s dresser bothered him, Haldir leaned up and rested one hand on the side of his lover’s face. Blue eyes met brown ones and Haldir held the gaze for a moment, not sure if he wanted Dorvane to know just how serious he was, or if he just lost himself for a moment in the uncertainty and love he saw reflected back at him. “I like them very much too,” he said softly, leaning in for one of the kisses in question. He very slowly explored Dorvane’s mouth, every last nook and cranny, his tongue sliding into each corner and across slick teeth, then teasing and dancing with his lover’s. “I think we can definitely work something out between the kissing and the naked surprises on the dressers. I thoroughly enjoy both the gentle times and the… the more vigorous ones. And I truly am sorry for making you feel guilty before, when you wanted to… to tie me up. I just did not know how different you were in these rooms then.”
Dorvane sank into the kiss, feeling his body relax even more than it already was and he smiled when they drew apart again, feeling his lips tingle just from that. He was slightly startled as Haldir went on and shook his head. “It is all right, I don’t blame you for your reaction, I never once blamed you for it. I should have known it would remind you too much of.of.how things were before.”
Haldir licked his lips and saw the look of pain that ran across his lover’s face at his last words. “I have forgotten how things were before. All that matters is how things are now, the man you are now. I hope you understand and believe that as much as I do.” As he spoke, he never looked away. He meant the words sincerely, and knew Dorvane needed to see that for it to have any meaning or any impact. While he never thought he would be freed, he at least truly believed he could – and maybe already had – made some difference in Dorvane’s life. And the Gods knew, after all the man had been through, he of all people deserved it.
Dorvane stared at Haldir feeling doubtful of his words but the Elf seemed to be completely honest with him. He didn’t think he could forget so easily so how was it possible Haldir could? No one was that understanding, were they? Dorvane wondered at that, at least no one he’d ever known in his life before had been that understanding or forgiving. “I do find that hard to believe but I want to believe it,” Dorvane said softly. “Besides.it makes little difference now does it? As long as we can continue to enjoy ourselves and each other.nothing else matters.”
Wishing he could erase the doubt in Dorvane’s eyes, Haldir bit back a sigh and merely nodded. “Well, we are certainly doing that,” he agreed, trying not to let his disappointment show. His anger at Saruman grew yet again and his heart opened up to his lover just a bit more. Gods, if only he could figure out some way to help him… some way to make him realize that he wasn’t alone, that he wasn’t a bad man, that there was goodness and kindness and hope for him yet. “You know… I think they even heard me enjoying myself all the way down to the guard’s quarters this time. I’m surprised they didn’t come to see if something was wrong.”
Dorvane laughed softly, pulling Haldir even closer and twisting a lock of golden hair around his fingertip. “The guards know better than to come to these rooms and the walls are thicker than you imagine,” he grinned. In a way he felt greedy, he didn’t really want them to hear Haldir, he wanted all of those sounds to be his and his alone. He took a deep breath and relaxed against the pillows a bit more. “Why don’t we relax here for a little while, my knees are still a bit on the watery side and then have dinner in an hour or so? Then perhaps we can see about getting you to make those noises for me again?”
Haldir threw one leg almost possessively across Dorvane’s thighs and snuggled close. He watched as long fingers toyed with his hair and smiled sleepily, focusing on the way he simply knew there would be no painful yanking of the golden strands as there had been before. Now, oddly enough, he trusted his lover completely. “I would love that,” he agreed, pressing a kiss against Dorvane’s neck and letting one arm rest comfortable across the broad chest that was currently acting as his pillow. “Sleep well, Melethron (my lover).”
Dorvane smiled at the Elvish endearment, his heart clenching in his chest. It wasn’t a declaration of love as he had made a time or two but it was acknowledgment of their relationship as it was now. “Sleep well, love,” he whispered back as he snuggled down into the bed and closed his eyes for an early evening nap. He had a feeling he’d need the nap and the extra energy for later on.
Chapter 18
Haldir sighed and traced his fingertips over the thick pane of glass that separated him from the outside world he’d longed for, for so long. There had been roses just outside the window of his old cell – he remembered pointing them out to Faramir often, but they had always been just out of reach. Now, here, just outside of the room he shared with Dorvane, there were more roses in every color imaginable – yellow, pink, red, and his favorite, a pure, perfect white rose that grew just beyond the edge of the clearing. It was odd, all the rich colors surrounding them, in such a normally dark and dreary place, but someone, at some time, had taken enough care to at least give the place a touch of beauty.
As his gaze settled wistfully on the single white rose, Haldir was thinking not of Faramir this time, but of the book Dorvane had given him, remembering his favorite passages, and the look of surprise on his lover’s face as he’d thanked him. One day, if he was ever allowed out, he thought, he should like to have that rose. Not for himself – but to give to Dorvane as a thank you for the kindness he had shown in the past months, for the gentleness and for all that he’d suffered at Saruman’s hands. But… he would never ask to go outside, never let Dorvane know how much he longed for it, for no matter how close they were, he would never complain. It was, he remembered, part of their deal, and one he’d found, to his surprise, that in the end, he’d had very little trouble honoring once he’d gotten to know the real Dorvane.
In the days that followed after Saruman’s ‘visit,’ Dorvane was back to normal relatively quickly thanks to Haldir. If he had not cut himself the way he had, then Dorvane might have died if he had not gone to the slaves.
During those days after, Dorvane spent a great deal of time with Haldir when he wasn’t needed elsewhere around the ‘farm’ that housed the slaves. Beatings were becoming less common and over the course of the last few months Dorvane’s ‘appetite’ for the slaves waned, he only wanted Haldir. He did continue to allow the guards to take the slaves but only ever when he approved of it.
In the last month, Saruman’s army had been too busy to send troops to them, so that the slaves could pleasure them. That was fine by Dorvane, often times he spent way too much time bickering with the various captains about their ‘selections’ anyway. He was still responsible for making sure everyone had food, fresh linens, and any thing else needed in the slave quarters but this did not take up all of his time. It afforded him time to actually spend back in his quarters with Haldir if he chose to, and more often than not, he was choosing to spend his free time with Haldir.
Part of him wondered if Haldir was grateful in the mornings when Dorvane left, even though the Elf now said he cared for him and had more than proven that, Dorvane at times was still skeptical.
This morning he had finished giving orders to the guards and returned quietly to the rooms he shared with Haldir. He wasn’t sneaking back into the room exactly, but he did move slowly and quietly as he could.curious to see what Haldir might be doing in his absence.
What he found almost took his breath away.
Haldir was standing before the window, his body cast in a golden glow from the sunlight pouring through it and his hair shone so brightly the Elf almost seem to glow. Gods, he would always be the single most beautiful being Dorvane had ever encountered, the man was sure of that. He almost spoke but held his breath as he saw the look of longing on Haldir’s face. Longing for his Ranger? Jealousy wanted to rear its head within him, but then he noticed the way slender fingers moved against the charmed unbreakable glass pane. Haldir was looking at the rose bush.Gods, why hadn’t he considered it before? The Elf had been a captive for over 8 years now; he had never set foot outside, unless being moved from one set of buildings to another. He was an Elf, Dorvane knew enough about their kind to know that being deprived of nature itself was probably worse than many of the tortures he himself had bestowed upon Haldir. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, alerting Haldir to his presence.
The smile on Haldir’s face as he turned was genuine, though he had been a bit startled by Dorvane’s presence. His eyes were sparkling and he crossed the room at once to take his lover’s hand. At first, it had been demanded, but after a while, it had become second nature, and now, it was no chore at all. His touch always seemed to make Dorvane happy, and truth be told, the Elf found pleasure in it as well. “You caught me unawares, Dorvane,” he began as he leaned in and pressed their lips together in a warm, inviting kiss, lingering several moments longer than he had only months ago, “but I am glad you’re back early. Shall I order our lunch now or would you like to rest first?”
Dorvane found himself smiling, it had almost startled him the first time he had done that with Haldir. He had no reason to smile, not a real smile, not a smirk or a evil grin but a real genuine smile.the Elf had brought that to him so easily. He took Haldir’s hand as the Elf kissed him so sweetly, his mouth caressing Dorvane’s. “I finished earlier than I thought I might,” he said softly. Haldir was still trying to get him to rest often, though he was fully recovered from his magical torture, the Elf acted.worried. “I do not need to rest,” he said softly as he reached up to tuck a lock of soft blond hair behind an elegant ear. “You were staring out the window when I came in.you miss it don’t you? Miss being.outside in the sunlight, you looked so beautiful as you stood there you know.”
Haldir looked down for a moment, blushing at the compliment and wishing he hadn’t let Dorvane see the longing in his eyes. “I… thank you. I was just lost in thought when you came in and… well… there are times, aye, when it feels as if I will never know the wind on my face again, or the feeling of the moonlight touching my skin,” he admitted, wrapping an arm around his lover’s waist and leading him toward the small sofa despite Dorvane’s protests that he didn’t need to rest. “There is something out there, one particular flower that I think is exceptionally beautiful. I have been longing to touch it for weeks now, and it seems to grow more beautiful every day. I was thinking of it when you walked in.” He tugged Dorvane down on the sofa and curled up beside him. “But I have nothing to complain about. I am content. I can see the flowers, and that is plenty, Dorvane. Truly, it is nothing for you to concern yourself about.”
Dorvane was delighted to see the light blush that stained Haldir’s cheeks at his compliment but his delight was tempered with sadness when Haldir spoke of the wind and moonlight and the lovely flowers outside their window. Before he knew it though, Haldir was practically apologizing for even considering anything outside this set of rooms and had pulled him down onto the couch. “I did not say you were complaining.in fact, you never complain about anything. I could see the longing in your eyes, Haldir.I.I wish to thank you for taking care of me and.being there for me when you could have ignored my pain. Could have enjoyed seeing me in pain in fact, but you didn’t. You bled for me of your own choice, Haldir. I will not forget that.and I would like to give you a gift. Would you like to see that flower? Would you like to go outside with me?”
Blue eyes betrayed the excitement Haldir tried hard not to show. The very idea of being outside again stirred the basest part of him, the part that would always be at one with nature herself, and though he struggled to remain calm, he was barely able to sit still. “I would absolutely love to go outside with you, Dorvane,” he managed, finally giving in and throwing his arms around the man beside him. The thought struck him that the Dorvane of old would never have even considered such a kindness, and with that, the thoughts of the pain his lover had suffered so recently raced through his mind. He pulled away and looked into dark sparkling eyes. “You are a good man, Dorvane. Sometimes I think you do not believe it yourself, but you are. This is yet another way you show it without even knowing.”
The look in Haldir’s eyes was worth more than anything Dorvane could think of, it was a look of pure joy, something the man had not seen a great deal of the last 17 years. He was taken aback when Haldir’s arms flew around him and he laughed softly. “No.I am not a good man, Haldir.but I love you,” he whispered and stood up. “Come, we will take a walk,” Dorvane said offering his hand. It was sad in a way; the roses were one of Saruman’s petty mind games. He had the most beautiful rose bushes planted below the unopenable windows of every room of the farm. “Perhaps we can even have our lunch outside?”
Haldir took Dorvane’s hand and stood beside him, nodding eagerly, but he didn’t move just yet. “I would love to have lunch outside,” he grinned, barely able to keep from simply dragging Dorvane to the door in his haste to actually breathe fresh air again. But… he had one small point to clear up first. His free arm wrapped around his lover’s waist and he gently bit the full, soft bottom lip before him. “And now that I truly know you, Dorvane, I think you are a good man. So please don’t spoil this wonderful gift by arguing with me about this. Just… accept it, and let me win this argument please?”
The man could sense Haldir’s eagerness and could almost feel his excitement coursing through himself as well. His arms slid around Haldir easily as the Elf turned to him and kissed him. He felt humbled for a moment at the look in those ageless blue eyes. “I.” he did want to deny it again.but found that the look in Haldir’s eyes held him too captivated to do so. If the Elf thought him a good man, he would not argue, even if he knew better. “Fine.no arguing,” he smiled. “Come on.we shall go see your flowers and I’ll make sure a guard will bring our meal out to us.”
Without further hesitation, Haldir was tugging on Dorvane’s hand, almost vibrating with the need to be outdoors now that it was finally, after so many years, now possible. He’d never thought to ask, but wondered now if he had asked months ago if Dorvane wouldn’t have let him.
There was no possibility he would try to escape, Dorvane knew that, but in truth, the idea now, would never cross Haldir’s mind. In some unfathomable way, it was true – he was content. Maybe not blissfully happy, for he was still for all intents and purposes a prisoner, but he was treated like a prince by his lover, and he knew without a doubt that Dorvane truly did love him.
Fidgeting as Dorvane ordered their meal, they were soon heading outdoors, and the Elf found himself holding tightly to Dorvane’s hand. “A few months ago, despite our… agreement, I do not think you would have trusted me enough to do this,” he mused. “I’m glad things have changed.”
As they had stepped to the doorway, Dorvane had caught a passing guard and told him that they wished to dine outside. The guard had given him a strange look but wisely made no comment. He agreed to bring them their lunch outside and left them. When the guard left, Dorvane had squeezed Haldir’s hand in his own as he began to lead him out into the cool air. “A few months ago I would probably not have suggested it no, but not just out of not trusting you.but because I likely would not have noticed your desire to go out. I.I.feel so.” he paused trying to find the right word and shrugged. “I feel different these days.”
Falling into step beside Dorvane, Haldir drug his eyes away from the door he knew would lead them outside and smiled at his lover. “You are different these days, Dorvane. You are nothing like the man I knew before. I felt my stomach drop every time he walked into the room. But you… you make me laugh, you’ve made me care for you, you’ve made me want you, want to take care of you… all things the old Dorvane could never possibly have done. You know that don’t you?”
Dorvane had reached for the door and stopped when Haldir spoke. He considered his words and nodded. He truly did feel different than before, almost as if a part of him long dead was awakening again. He knew deep down that the war was not going well and that Saruman’s grip was slipping on many fronts.even in his control over Dorvane. “I am aware of it.I.cannot explain it all really but I think perhaps the magic binding my will to Saruman has slipped these last months. I always desired you, Haldir, from the moment I first saw you, but.that desire to possess you has changed to something I cannot put into words. I have began to remember the man I once was and perhaps that is the difference. I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else, not really.but I had no control over it. These,” he said looking at his wristbands, “did not allow me to have control.”
Haldir ran his fingertips lightly over Dorvane’s forearms, careful not to touch the bands around his wrists. “I wish I could take them off,” he said softly, forgetting about what lay just outside the door beside him for the moment. “I wish I could make him stop hurting you, Dorvane.” A fierce wave of protectiveness washed over him, the likes of which he had only ever felt for his younger brothers and his Ranger before. The memory of Dorvane, helpless against the pain as he writhed on the bed, yet still refusing to ask for his blood was fresh in the Elf’s memory, and he suddenly leaned forward and pressed a soft, sweet kiss against his lover’s lips. “Until they are gone, however, I want to be the one who helps you, and cares for you… the one who bleeds for you. It is my right as your lover. Promise you will let me do this for you, Dorvane… whenever you need it.”
I wish you could take them off me as well. Dorvane smiled just a little as Haldir spoke. “There are many things I wish,” Dorvane answered as Haldir kissed him. One of those wishes was that he had never been gullible enough to allow Saruman to place them on his wrists in the first place. The kiss had been light and sweet but the next words Haldir spoke, stole his breath away. “You realize that is the strangest request of any I’ve ever heard. You wish to bleed for me.gods it sounds so wrong,” he answered and then sighed heavily. “I.I do admit that it worked better and faster with you, I do not know why but it did.”
“But it did, and that is all that matters,” Haldir finished for him, feeling oddly satisfied, though he couldn’t fathom why. “Now, please, take me outside, Dorvane. It has been so long, and I can hear the trees calling to me already.”
Dorvane laughed softly, not sure if Haldir was joking or telling the truth. He knew some but not all about Elves after all. He opened the door and led Haldir outside for the first time without the intent of simply moving him to another cell. He stopped and allowed Haldir to simply soak up the sun and the cool air they were met with for a moment. “Tell me what you wish to see first?”
Turning his face up to the sun, Haldir closed his eyes in pure joy for a moment. He didn’t even need to think about Dorvane’s question before answering. “To the east, by the end of the house, there is a bush filled with the most beautiful white roses. I wish to see them first, and I would love to have one – only one, that I may pick myself.”
Dorvane watched in awe as Haldir turned his face up to the sun in such reverence. Gods, he was gorgeous. He found himself glancing in the direction Haldir spoke and smiled. “Then you shall see them and pick one or a dozen, whatever you want, love,” he whispered taking Haldir’s hand and brushing a light kiss against it as he led his lover toward the roses he wished to see.
As they made their way to the roses, Haldir stopped and touched everything along their way, marveling at the rich colors, the smells, the textures and softness of each leaf and petal and bit of dirt against his hand. They finally made it to their goal; however, he stood before the white roses and leaned back against Dorvane’s broad chest. “They are beautiful, are they not?” he whispered. “I almost hate to pick one, they are so perfect, but ever since I saw them from our window, I have wanted to do this.”
The dark haired man found himself slightly amused at the way Haldir seemed to regard each and every thing they passed. His fingers trailing over plants and trees and even fencing as they moved. He’d never stopped to consider what beauty lay in the world around him until just that moment.until he saw just how happy Haldir was to see such simplicity. “They are beautiful,” he whispered and wrapped his arms around Haldir. “Not quite as beautiful as you are, but beautiful all the same.”
The arms around him were strong, but not confining; familiar yet still erotic, and despite the beauty of the roses, Haldir had no doubt that, ridiculous as it might sound, he wanted to follow through with his idea. He had nothing else to give Dorvane, and though it might not mean a lot, it was, at least, something. He decided just which rose he wanted, then smiled and leaned his head back on his lover’s shoulder. “I have told you so many times I wanted you, needed you, thought you handsome, but I think I have never told you that I find you beautiful as well, have I Dorvane? You tell me so often, yet I have never thought to say it back, though I have thought it for a long while. Forgive me for not saying it sooner?”
Dorvane let his lips brush against Haldir’s neck, savoring the scent of his hair and skin as he did so and smiled. “Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive.I do think you may need your eyes checked though. I know I am not a bad looking man but beautiful is only something a person is both inside and out and we both know that there is too much darkness inside of me,” he whispered softly. His words were not pained, just resigned.
Haldir closed his eyes and shook his head at Dorvane’s words before leaning forward and carefully breaking off the fullest, most perfect rose he could find. Turning in the circle of strong arms, he faced his lover and met his gaze steadily. “Well, I think the darkness is being drowned out by the light,” he said levelly, then held the rose between them. “And the reason I wanted this rose was to give it to you. I know it isn’t much, but it is really all I can offer. You have been so kind to me Dorvane – fighting off the very darkness we speak of, pushing Saruman away from you every day a little more, showing me a side of you I never knew existed. Like this rose, I know the man before me is beautiful, and nothing you can say or do is going to change my mind.”
The light is you then. Dorvane thought but before he could bring voice to it, Haldir was offering him the rose. No one had ever given him a flower before, not as a joke or meaning it as Haldir did. And no one had given him a true gift in many, many years. He swallowed hard, unable to find words at first. “I.” he paused and let his fingers wrap around the stem just above Haldir’s fingers. “You have a gift for the unexpected I think. Thank you,” the last words were strained, not because it was difficult to thank Haldir but because his throat felt thick and he had a hard time saying any words at all.
“You are welcome,” Haldir said softly. His life could have been so different, and so miserable, if the man before him hadn’t fought Saruman’s magic. He could almost forget the eight years before he was Dorvane’s “lover”. Almost. That seemed like a lifetime ago. Sometimes, Haldir thought, Faramir seemed like a lifetime ago too. Shaking off those memories, he nodded towards a large oak tree that offered plenty of shade. “Will you sit with me? Our lunch will be here soon, and there is so much to see. I would just like to sit and soak it all in while I can, if you don’t mind… all the colors, all the smells, the feel of the breeze. So much to see and feel and smell and hear. Isn’t it wonderful, Dorvane? It’s it just perfect?”
Dorvane found himself smiling indulgently at his lover. The Elf was so enthusiastic and seemed so happy and so young. He knew the Elf was thousands of years older than himself, yet at the moment he seemed so young and carefree.as if he was not a slave, a lover under coercion but a true lover simply glad to share his time with Dorvane. It was a nice fantasy at least.but a fantasy nonetheless.
Dorvane nodded and walked with Haldir toward the tree in question. “This looks like a perfect spot for a picnic,” he said taking a seat next to Haldir on the soft green grass. “I am sorry that I had not considered how much you would like to come outside before,” he said after a moment, twirling the rose between his fingers.
“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Haldir shook his head and laughed as the wind blew long strands of his hair into his mouth and eyes – a sensation he had not felt for many years. “I am just happy to be here now. It is a beautiful day, and I got to give you the rose I’ve wanted to give you for a long while now, you are almost completely healed, that disgusting old wizard won’t be back for you for some time, and our lunch is on the way, so… we should be celebrating, not saying sorry. Let’s save those for another day, shall we?”
“I am completely healed,” Dorvane said with a grin. Haldir had been like a mother hen since the night he’d returned from Saruman’s torture. He appreciated all that Haldir had done for him but it did amuse him how much the Elf had doted on him afterwards. “I am happy to be here now too.and I agree, it is far too beautiful a day to spoil,” he grinned. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling Haldir almost entirely into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. “I had forgotten how peaceful it could be sitting outside under a tree on a warm spring day.”
Months ago, Haldir had thought of himself only as Dorvane’s whore, and though he would have kept smiling as he was pulled into his lover’s lap, he would have had to bite back his distaste as well. Now, however, he didn’t give it a second thought, and settled happily in the very arms that used to beat him raw, but for many months now had been nothing but safe, warm, and so very loving. His own arms wrapped around broad shoulders and he rested his head against Dorvane’s neck, sighing with pleasure. “I have heard that kissing an Elf in the sunlight is especially sweet,” he teased, loving the way dark eyes seemed to sparkle and Dorvane’s handsome face, so often tense with worry, was relaxed and peaceful. “Do you think that is true, or just a rumor?”
Dorvane grinned, his dark eyes sparkling as he regarded the Elf in his arms. “It could be a rumor, I think perhaps we would have to test the theory to be certain don’t you agree?” Dorvane asked as his arms pulled Haldir even closer and he leaned in, not quite brushing his lips against the soft ones he’d so easily become addicted to. Until Haldir had kissed him that first time, Dorvane had not been kissed in almost 17 years, and now he found that he craved Haldir’s kisses, craved the intimacy of the action and the way that it made his heart, that had felt such darkness before, feel lighter in his chest.
Long, pale fingers curled in dark hair made even darker by the sun as Haldir realized Dorvane was teasing him with his feather-kisses. No longer feeling like a slave, but like a true lover, he growled softly in the back of his throat and closed the distance between them. To his surprise, he found he enjoyed kissing Dorvane – enjoyed it quite a bit actually. The mouth that used to curse him when he was a prisoner could be surprisingly soft and warm, the teeth that had bit him on occasion when he was restrained and being used in every way imaginable could gently scrape over the Elf’s tongue and bottom lip, driving him to distraction. As their lips met, Haldir’s tongue methodically licked at soft, full lips until they parted, then slowly began exploring the inviting warmth behind them, pulling Dorvane closer as he did so.
Dorvane had not been a man who teasingly did anything for almost two decades now, but he found he enjoyed the way his soft kisses seemed to excite Haldir. The Elf truly seemed to want him, and his soft growl went straight to Dorvane’s sex, causing his arms to convulsively tighten around his lover when his mouth was captured and he was kissed so passionately. When he gave over control of the kiss completely, he felt his heart melt in his chest; Haldir seemed to truly want him. HIM of all people; he felt desired more than he had in years. He was breathless when they drew apart again and his hands brushed back light blond hair from Haldir’s face. “You make me feel alive in ways I’d completely forgotten.”
The kisses – and the sex, Haldir had to admit – were both exciting and pleasurable. In the beginning, it had all been for Dorvane’s benefit, but Gods, when the man had truly turned his attentions to being a lover, everything had changed. Haldir truly did want him, and their agreement or what would happen if it were broken had nothing to do with why he wanted him. He truly enjoyed seeing Dorvane happy as well… just as he was now. He was handsome in his own right, but when his eyes sparkled and when he smiled, he would practically glow. The ‘old’ Dorvane was long gone from Haldir’s memories, but this man, this Dorvane had touched Haldir in ways he couldn’t explain. “I love making you feel that way,” Haldir admitted honestly. “It makes me so happy to see you smile and hear you laugh, Dorvane. I wish we had more time together so you could do both more often.”
Loving the way that Haldir was looking at him, Dorvane sighed contentedly and rested his forehead against the Elf’s for just a moment before pulling back and looking into honest blue eyes. There were times that Dorvane suspected Haldir just told him what he thought he wanted to hear, playing his role, but there were times like this when he could see the honesty in his eyes clearly. “I have not had much to smile or laugh about in a long while.you make it easy to remember those things. I wish we had more time too but I am truly grateful to have the time we have. It.has been the greatest gift I could have ever had.someone to be with, someone.someone who can see there is more to me than just a slave master. I… cannot say if it is you who is making the difference or if Saruman’s magic is losing its grip but.” he paused. There were times he worried that he was losing his power over the guards, their fear of him wavering because he was no longer as harsh as he was in the past but.none had challenged him so far. “I just know that I feel happiness now.”
Haldir curled up even further against Dorvane and nuzzled against his neck. He was content, if not exactly happy, for an Elf that was not free could never know true happiness, and of course, he missed Faramir… but overall, there was little he could complain about. “I am glad,” he said softly, closing his eyes and simply letting the soft breeze feather through his hair and over his skin. “I hope you will be happy for a very, very long time, Dorvane. You deserve to be. And before you argue, remember, we decided this was not the day for arguments. Now… do you mind if I just rest here until they bring our food? This is so nice – the breeze is cool and you’re so warm, and… it feels so good like this…”
In the past, Dorvane might have demanded sex immediately and not wanted to simply be content and cuddle like this, but things were different now. He simply smiled when Haldir reminded him about not arguing and pulled Haldir closer to snuggle against him. “I do not mind at all, the guard should be coming shortly with lunch. I had forgotten how long it had been since you had been outdoors for more than a few minutes.I imagine you want to savor this time. I will not keep you from it in the future though,” he said tipping his head down to look into Haldir’s eyes. “We will make sure you see the sunlight more often.”
Almost melting into Dorvane, Haldir studied the man’s face through half-lidded eyes. “I would like that,” he murmured, stifling a yawn and surprising even himself with his next words. He was so comfortable, however, he didn’t bother censoring them, not that he’d really had to lately. “But only if you see it with me. And perhaps the stars? I can show you the ones that have been my favorites ever since I was an Elfling and tell you all the ridiculous stories I used to imagine about what happened on them…”
Dorvane’s eyes sank closed slowly as Haldir spoke, not to rest but just in contentment that he had not known in so very long. The offer made his chest tighten it seemed and he nodded. “I would love nothing more,” he whispered. It was what he might have called insufferably romantic before but now.now having this with Haldir was more than he could have ever hoped for.
Chapter 19
Weeks passed by as usual for Haldir and Dorvane with fewer visits from Saruman’s captains, apparently they were busier with the war than ever. It was a rainy morning and Dorvane handed out assignments in the doorway of their chambers, simply telling the guards what needed to be done that day and returned to their bedroom shortly after. When he stepped into the doorway of the room, Haldir was lying on the bed; the sheet just draped over half his body and a long leg was uncovered from upper thigh to toes. Dorvane simply watched him sleeping for a few moments before crossing the room and lightly running his hand up the exposed leg as he sat down on the bed. So beautiful and so kind… you are truly a wonder to me. He leaned down slowly and brushed his lips gently against closed eyelids and down his cheeks to soft slightly parted lips. “Time to wake up my sleepy Elf,” he whispered softly.
Haldir’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled as gentle fingers and soft lips moved over his skin. He was surprised to see Dorvane there. Normally, he woke as soon as his lover got out of bed and sent him on his way with lingering kisses or a final few minutes together in bed.
Stretching like a cat that had been napping in the sun for hours, Haldir wrapped his arm around Dorvane’s shoulders and closed his eyes as the sweet kisses moved down to his neck. “Mmmmm… I must have overslept,” he murmured, simply enjoying lying there and not having to move. “Have I made you late?”
Dorvane smiled as his fingers ran through soft hair and he looked up from the neck he was kissing to look into sleepy eyes. “No, I am already finished for the day. There is nothing to do… all of Saruman’s army is occupied so I gave my guards their orders for the day and decided to return here to you. I think that I can come up with much better ways the two of us can spend our day… though it seems you would like to spend it sleeping,” he teased as he watched Haldir still trying to wake up. “Do you think perhaps I can give you something you would really like to wake up for?”
Though the idea of sleeping all day didn’t seem like a bad one at all, Haldir stretched again and let his hand trail down Dorvane’s stomach and between his legs. The Elf’s sex was growing hard already, and he had to admit that now, since he understood and cared for Dorvane, he did enjoy sharing his body in all the ways he could. His fingers moved over his lover’s already stiff flesh and he leaned up, running his tongue over the lips that had been kissing him so sweetly. “I think you might have just what the healer ordered,” he grinned, finally beginning to wake up as the idea became more appealing to him. “I’m glad you stayed, Dorvane. You work too much.”
The gentle hand against his sex made it grow harder instantly, and Dorvane couldn’t help but shift his hips a little. “And you worry too much,” Dorvane teased as he pressed his lips against Haldir’s again. He gasped when the Elf’s hand wrapped more fully around him and moved so that his own hand could slip between them and slowly stroke his lover’s growing arousal.
Haldir moaned at the touch and shifted his own hips as well. “Hmmm… I think I have definitely found something worth waking up for…” As he spoke, he lay back and pulled Dorvane on top of him. Lifting his head from the pillow, he sealed their lips together and kissed his lover soundly, leaving no doubt that he was, indeed, awake.
Dorvane found himself fully atop the Elf a moment later and he moaned into the deep kiss. Haldir’s kisses always made him forget everything for that tiny moment of time. His hips shifted and he settled between long, lean legs and smiled when they pulled away to breathe. “Mmm, good morning indeed,” he whispered as he reached for the bottle of oil on the nightstand. Before Haldir he never prepared a slave himself but this was different they were lovers now, in almost every sense of the word in fact… except that Haldir didn’t love him. Dorvane brushed that thought away as he slicked his fingers and reached between them. Haldir was still slick from their activities the night before but he had promised to never cause him pain again and so his fingers slipped into the heat of his lover’s body, preparing him gently as his lips came down against Haldir’s again.
Haldir’s legs parted even further and his hands moved over Dorvane’s back and arms, enjoying the way smooth skin played over hard muscles. Deepening the kiss, he began rocking his hips slowly, driving the gently delving fingers in deeper each time. Finally, he pulled away, loving the fact that Dorvane never once had tried to take him unless he was completely prepared now that their relationship had changed, but needing to feel more than fingers inside him now. “Dorvane please,” he murmured, biting lightly at his lover’s neck and jaw. “I want you inside me.”
In all the years since Saruman had found him, Dorvane had never thought he would enjoy the act of foreplay so much as he did now. It was a heady feeling making your lover want more and more and as his fingers were gripped tightly in his lover’s body he felt his sex twitch. “Yes, Gods yes,” he murmured as Haldir spoke, feeling heat flood through his body. Lifting himself up to support his weight on one arm, Dorvane slicked his shaft quickly and then lined himself up to push forward slowly. It was always a tight fit, the Elf’s body molding around his own like a glove and he had to bit his lower lip just to keep control of himself.
Long legs wrapped around Dorvane’s waist as Haldir’s body opened up to the thick flesh that slowly disappeared inside him. He could feel every vein, every ridge as his lover slid forward, and, as always, he marveled at the fact that this was the same man who had strapped him over a table and raped him until he bled too many times to count. No, he thought as his back arched up off the bed and their eyes met as Dorvane pushed in that final inch. This wasn’t the same man at all. His calves pressed against Dorvane’s backside, pushing him in impossibly deeper, and the Elf moaned softly as his body adjusted and finally accepted the invasion. “By the Valar,” he murmured, rocking his hips slowly, “feels so good…”
Dark eyes gazed into brilliant blue ones for a moment as Dorvane thrust forward until he was flush against his lover. Haldir’s body was perfect, always had been, and the feeling of him wrapped around him, arms, legs, and clenching muscles was incredible. He stilled himself, using every ounce of willpower he could not to just start thrusting wildly into Haldir and when the Elf moved he gasped and nodded in agreement. “It does,” he whispered. “Gods, it does.” He moved slowly, lazily almost. Most times their couplings were fast and sweaty affairs really but not today. Today was lazy and slow and beautiful just like the day was outside. Dorvane’s lips caressed the tender skin of Haldir’s neck, nipping once in a while as he moved lower to the juncture of his shoulder. He never said the words ‘I love you’ very often because he knew they would never be returned but he thought them now more than ever.
Haldir closed his eyes and smiled as Dorvane moved over and inside him, giving as much pleasure as he was taking. The friction of skin on skin, this time smooth and warm, soft and gentle, was like floating on a cloud. It was not only the need between their legs that was satisfied as each gave the other what he craved, touching and kissing, nibbling and licking at all the right places each knew his lover enjoyed.
The friction of Dorvane’s stomach as he moved slowly over him made Haldir shiver with pleasure and he gasped each time the swollen tip Dorvan’s cock brushed over his sweet spot. “Yes, Dorvane, just like that,” he murmured, kneading the globes of his lover’s backside. “Right there… that’s it…”
Haldir’s reactions to him seemed to drive Dorvane’s need even higher. He was admittedly obsessed with this Elf, he had been for years now and that obsession had grown to love, making what he felt now with him all the more powerful. They shared in one another, neither taking but giving to each other, and it was the most wonderful thing he had ever felt. His hand traveled down Haldir’s body, caressing and gently toying with each nipple before traveling lower. Leaning to the side slightly, Dorvane’s hand slipped between them even as he continued to rock his hips into his lover and his hand wrapped around the hard shaft between them. His thumb rubbed over the tip teasingly with each stroke. “Yes… that’s it,” he whispered as Haldir tipped his head back into the pillow obviously enjoying what he was doing.
Questing fingers moved up and grabbed Dorvane’s shoulders as Haldir writhed beneath him, all thoughts of sleep long gone as Man and Elf moved together. Already tight inner muscles worked at the flesh inside him, clenching and unclenching as sheathed himself again and again, each deep thrust in perfect counterpart to the movements of the firm hand on his cock. Looking up with half-lidded eyes, he smiled as Dorvane’s handsome face darkened, his lips swollen and red, his cheeks flushed, his hair falling all around his face and shoulders as he gazed down at his Elven lover. “Coming,” Haldir moaned, thrusting his hips down as Dorvane thrust up and arching his back completely up off the bed. His cock pulsed between them and he spilled over his chest and stomach, then as Dorvane thrust again, another spurt of his seed covered the still stroking hand that was wrapped around him.
It was perfect and slow and unlike anything Dorvane had ever experienced, even when he was younger and with his lover years ago. This was something else entirely, for him this was what people spoke of when they spoke of making love. He’d thought that ridiculous for many years but now here he was experiencing it. When Haldir looked up at him, his face flushed and beautiful, ecstasy shining in his eyes as he moaned and his body tightened around Dorvane’s. Gods it was a beautiful sight coupled with that and the feeling of already tight muscles milking him as Haldir found his release, Dorvane followed soon after. His entire body tensed for a moment as he succumbed to his release and trembled in his lover’s arms. “Gods what you do to me, Haldir,” he whispered as his lips brushed against soft Elven ones and he relaxed against his lover to catch his breath.
Haldir sighed contentedly and pressed a kiss to Dorvane’s temple, letting his hands soothe and relax, enjoying the weight of his lover resting over him. He was thankful beyond words that Dorvane seemed to enjoy this as much – or, more, really – than the mindless, cruel rapes and terrible games he used to play before. “You know me well, Dorvane,” he murmured, letting his nails scratch lightly over broad shoulders. “You know all the right places to touch and kiss and nibble at, and just how and when to do more. I think you must have been taking notes…”
Laughing softly, Dorvane reached to the nightstand again to retrieve a small towel and cleaned his hand and then Haldir’s stomach and chest. “Perhaps I was… I love seeing you come,” he whispered honestly and carefully shifted his hips and slipped from inside his lover to settle beside him. “Once we catch our breath perhaps you’d like breakfast with me?” he suggested as he leaned on his elbow looking down at Haldir.
Smiling and snuggling close, Haldir nodded and fought the urge to close his eyes again. “Aye, breath and breakfast,” he sighed, wrapping himself around Dorvane, stealing his warmth, as he always seemed to do these last weeks. “Some warm tea would be nice. And toast. And maybe some of that honey we had yesterday, though this time perhaps we should eat it rather than… what we did do with it…” He pulled away and mock-glared at his lover. “I still feel quite sticky in places that should not feel that way, you know.”
Dorvane wrapped his arms around Haldir and held him as his breathing began to even out again and found himself laughing. He gave Haldir his most innocent look (which was saying a lot for a man like him) and shrugged. “I am sorry… perhaps I can help bathe you and make sure there is not any lingering ‘stickiness’ anywhere… I could start here,” he said licking at Haldir’s ear, “and work my way down… or would you rather have me draw a bath instead?”
Haldir shivered so hard his toes curled as he nuzzled against Dorvane’s neck. “No baths,” he murmured. “I think your first idea will take care of the problem rather nicely…”
Dorvane laughed softly against the skin of Haldir’s neck and licked down to his shoulder. He shifted on the bed and raised himself with one arm as he began to slowly lick down his lover’s chest to tease his nipples with his tongue, but then suddenly a sharp, agonizing pain shot through his arms concentrated at his wristbands. He barely managed to scream in pain before he collapsed on top of his lover and then instinctively rolled to his side where he curled in on himself. It was absolute agony that he felt, as if his arms were being ripped open by ravenous wolves.
Blue eyes were closed in pleasure as Dorvane licked at Haldir, and the only sound in the room the Elf’s sigh of pleasure as that wicked tongue teased and soothed. It seemed like only a moment later that Dorvane screamed, however, and fell on him, then pulled away just as suddenly. Without thinking, Haldir wrapped his arms around the man and held him tightly, not sure if he was helping or making matters worse, only knowing that whatever was wrong had something to do with those damnable bands around his lover’s wrists and Saruman. “Dorvane, breathe,” he whispered against Dorvane’s hair. “Tell me what to do.”
Writhing in pain as Haldir wrapped his arms around him and Dorvane looked up into concerned blue eyes as he felt the pain shoot through him again. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until the Elf whispered to breathe. He took a shuddering breath, crying out again as pain raced through his body and he shook his head. “Something… has happened,” he said barely managing the words through clenched teeth. “Gods… oh Gods, I think something may be happening with Saruman…” he felt the blood welling around the bands at his wrists and looked up at Haldir with true fear shining in his eyes. “I think…” he screamed again, his body arching against Haldir’s as more blood began to run from his wrists. “I think he is dead… and I soon will be.”
Haldir shook his head and pushed away the thought of Dorvane dying. Things had changed so much between them in the past weeks. Haldir had seen his lover struggle against Saruman’s darkness time and time again and he finally felt he knew the real man inside. For reasons he couldn’t even explain yet, he didn’t want to loose that man… yet he was dying in Haldir’s very arms. It never even crossed his mind that Dorvane’s death might in some way mean his own freedom. “If Saruman is indeed dead, then I couldn’t be happier,” the Elf said through gritted teeth as he released Dorvane long enough to grab the sheet and tear it into strips which he used to wrap snugly around Dorvane’s bleeding wrists where the bands ended. “But you, Dorvane, you are not going to die. You have to fight against this… please.”
The pain in his arms was almost blinding now and Dorvane thought that the bandages Haldir was making were a waste of time. “I cannot fight it, Haldir. You should leave,” he said though he was physically unable to push the Elf away from him. “Just go. Obviously you are free, if he is dead you are free to go. Just go… and let me die. I always knew I would… I wanted to that night so long ago, this is fate just catching up with me.” He started to pull his hand away from Haldir, thinking that it was simply no good to try to stop the flow of blood when suddenly he felt as if the skin was being ripped from his arms. The seam that ran down the center on the bands had sprung open and so was his skin beneath it, worse than the wounds he had inflicted on himself 17 years ago. He knew in that moment, Saruman was truly dead.
The bandages were soaking through as quickly as Haldir could wrap them. Dorvane’s words made his heart ache and his eyes fill with tears. He had no intention of leaving, especially with Dorvane in such agony. Instead, he reached behind him to the nightstand for the small dagger Dorvane kept there, then simply lay down beside his lover and pulled him close. Pressing a soft kiss to Dorvane’s sweat-damp forehead he shook his head. “Hush… I’m not leaving you. I’ll do as I did before and again to give you strength until we figure out how to stop this. But I am not letting you die.”
Dorvane thought his teeth might simply grind to dust as the pain lanced through him in waves. When he saw what Haldir was doing, when he saw the dagger he began to shake his head weakly, the blood loss making him dizzy. “No…you cannot, Haldir it is too late. It is already too late… my life was bound to Saruman’s… please, do not do this, you should escape this place,” his last words were weak as he stared at the Elf he had miraculously fallen in love with and now at the end… he could do the only selfless thing he had done in years… allow Haldir to leave.
As Haldir look into pain-filled eyes, he realized that perhaps he had changed as much as Dorvane had. Where there was so much anger and hatred before, there was nothing but compassion and sorrow and… something else. The very thought of doing as Dorvane asked – of leaving him here to die, even if it meant he could return to Faramir – was not even an option. He simply couldn’t do it. Reaching behind his lover, the Elf dug the tip of the knife into his wrist and watched only as long as it took to reassure himself that he was bleeding freely. “Look at you, Dorvane,” he whispered, squeezing his hand so the blood would flow faster, and doing his best to take Dorvane’s mind off the pain, “you say you love me, but you keep telling me to leave. Are you tired of looking at me already?”
The pain lanced through him yet again and Dorvane bit his lip to keep from moaning with it. “No… I just… I would think that you would be glad for this… your chance to be free after so long. I am too weak to stop you, the guards are Saruman’s slaves too, they will likely be dying as well. No one could stop you. But… no… I do not wish to die alone,” he said softly and winced in pain. “I realize that I love you enough… to let you go now.”
The knife blade sliced open another vein on Haldir’s arm as Dorvane spoke. “Oh gods… No, I never wanted… not like this.” Haldir’s free hand, now bloodied with both his own as well as his lover’s blood brushed damp hair back from the forehead he had just kissed moments before. There was no denying what he was feeling now, though he could only pray to the Valar that he wasn’t too late in realizing it. He loved Faramir, and he always would but… he was in love with Dorvane and wanted a life with him – whatever the cost. His blood wasn’t doing much, that was clear, so there was only one other thing he could think of to do. “You have to fight, because we are just getting started, you and I. With Saruman dead, we can leave this place together… and be together. I love you, Dorvane. I think I have for a long while now.”
Dorvane winced when he saw Haldir cut himself again, dark rivulets of blood pouring across pale skin just as his own was doing. It was a useless effort and Dorvane tried to tell him as much but the words stuck in his throat when the Elf continued. be together the words echoed in his mind and then his breath caught and the pain that was making it almost unbearable to even blink suddenly faded just the slightest bit. “You… you love me? How could you possibly…” his words trailed off and he wished he could pull Haldir close, he wished he could touch him… he wished for so much that was not possible now and never would be again. “You can’t.”
Knowing Dorvane wouldn’t agree to what he had in mind, Haldir smiled and carefully switched the knife to his now injured hand. He caught and held his lover’s gaze, hoping to make the next cut unnoticed, but he too was now getting weak from loss of blood. The only possible way Dorvane could live after being under Saruman’s influence for so long would be intervention by the Valar. And the quickest way to speak to the Valar was to see them face to face. As the blade dug into a new vein, Haldir did his best to smile. “I can and I do. So you have to fight… fight so we can have a life together, Dorvane. No matter what happens to me, you just have to keep fighting.”
Growing weaker by the moment, Dorvane tried to shake his head but it hardly moved at all. He was starting to struggle for breath and too surprised by Haldir’s admission to think straight. Part of him couldn’t believe it at all but Haldir did not seem to be lying and what reason would he have for lying now about this? Trying to plant the seeds of hope perhaps but why would he do that to a man who had formerly been horrid to him? He couldn’t imagine that the last several months could erase all the pain of the years before.
“Nothing will happen to you, love,” Dorvane said senselessly, not realizing that Haldir was not only bleeding for him and trying to lessen the pain but doing something more dangerous. This was insane was it? Haldir loved the Ranger not him, maybe he was hallucinating? The blood loss was becoming too much though and he began to fade in and out of consciousness wondering when he would fade out completely to never wake again.
Keen Elven sight was slowly fading to a hazy fog as Haldir, too, began slipping away. Gathering all his strength, he closed the small gap between them and placed the softest of kisses against his lover’s lips. “Just promise me you’ll fight for as long as you can, Dorvane. If you truly love me at all, you have to do this. I’m going to do everything I can do get you through this, but if you don’t fight… we will both die.” Slowly, Haldir let his head rest back on his pillow and watched Dorvane fading in and out. “Give us a chance. Please.”
Haldir’s words made little sense to him, how they could both die made not sense at all but he did love the Elf and he would do anything for him. Haldir had not realized how much Dorvane would have done for him. If he at any time had asked to be released, in these last weeks, as Saruman’s hold on him had grown weaker and his love for Haldir had grown he had realized that he would have let Haldir go without a single protest. He pursed his lips against his lover’s weakly and sighed. “I do not want to lose you…” it was the most he could offer as weak as he was.
A slight smile touched Haldir’s lips as he gazed into Dorvane’s eyes for what might be the last time. He’d already lost one love, and he simply wasn’t going to lose another, not like this. Moments later, he passed into unconsciousness, his arms wrapped tightly around Dorvane’s weakened body and praying to the Valar with everything in him that they would hear his plea.
Dorvane had slipped into the abyss as soon as Haldir had but somewhere a light that had been dark for so long deep inside of the man Haldir was holding flickered. His life had taken so many dark turns over the years and he had done unspeakable things while under the evil influence of Saruman’s dark magic but inside Dorvane that tiny light had laid dormant. That part of his soul that only wished for love and happiness that had been taken from him so many years ago. It had been flickering to life these last months and only now without the influence of dark magic, at the end of his life, it seemed to surge within him. It was all he had left, all he could offer Haldir’s pleas to keep fighting. All the honor and decency he had once had, had all been coming back to life in the last year with Haldir and now, even though Dorvane was not awake and aware, his soul felt the love of the one person who had no reason to love him. He struggled to take a breath and then another, his body not giving up now that his soul had something so precious to cling to.
Chapter 20
Dorvane slept for hours, his body wracked with pain but after some time passed the bleeding slowed and stopped and he began to at least rest somewhat more comfortably. When he started to come back from the deep healing sleep he had fallen into, every ache and pain flared. Gods, he hurt. His arms felt as if horses had trampled on them and he was too weak to even raise his head very far. Dark eyes opened slowly and he found himself still wrapped in Haldir’s arms. He swallowed, his mouth dry and his throat scratchy as he looked up at Haldir. Gods, he could not believe the Elf had stayed. Still could not believe he cared that much. “You,” he coughed and moaned painfully then cleared his throat. “You stayed.”
Haldir, who was even paler than normal, smiled in relief and buried his face against Dorvane’s hair. When he’d lost consciousness, he wasn’t sure he would ever open his eyes again, but… here he was, and, thank the Valar, here Dorvane was as well. He had watched his lover breathe for almost a day and a half after he himself had opened his eyes again, and though he took some hope in that, each breath seemed a struggle, and Dorvane had barely moved at all. “Of course I stayed,” he murmured, closing his eyes and just concentrating on feeling Dorvane breathing against him. “I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.”
Dorvane had been certain that he would not ever wake again and had told Haldir to leave him, though the Elf, stubborn as he had always been had not. He had stayed and obviously, based on how pale he was he had bled himself more for the man. That idea did not please Dorvane but there was little he could do about it now and if it had saved him, then he was grateful though he wasn’t sure for how long that would last. As soon as Haldir realized he was free, truly free, then he could go to his Ranger. “Yes, you told me that but… Haldir, don’t you see that you are free now… you can go to your Ranger,” he whispered sadly and tried to move, only to find himself too weak and sore to do so yet. He wasn’t even sure how long he had been asleep.
Pulling away only slightly, Haldir studied Dorvane’s face for a moment, realizing he didn’t remember their last words to each other. While Dorvane had slept, Haldir had managed to clean them both and change the bed sheets, so the hand that came up to gently trail along Dorvane’s jaw was thankfully not colored with the blood they had both shed. “It has been almost a year now, Dorvane,” Haldir said carefully. “A year that he did not remember me – a year in which he has, no doubt, moved on. He is no longer my Ranger, for I have moved on as well.”
Watching the Elf, Dorvane shook his head slightly in surprise. “But… you… you,” he was at a complete loss for words and sighed as he leaned into the gentle touch, sadness in his eyes as he saw the bandage on Haldir’s arm. “You hurt yourself for me again.”
“I did not want you to die,” Haldir said softly, eyeing the bandages for a moment along with his lover. His next words were soft as well, but firm, and he watched Dorvane’s face as he spoke, hoping his realization hadn’t come too late. “You were so cold, and bleeding so much and… I thought I was going to lose you. You kept telling me to leave, but… I could not. I can not. It took me almost losing you to realize that I am in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much.”
Dorvane should have been happy to hear those words, should have been thrilled in fact. He remembered Haldir saying it before he had lost consciousness but he still didn’t believe it. How could he possibly love him? It made no sense to him, he had tortured the Elf before… how could he have changed his mind in this past year? “Haldir… Gods I want to believe it, so much but…” he paused and swallowed hard. “I love you but… how can you possibly love me?”
“Dorvane, as I have said so many times before, you are no longer the man I once knew. I told you once that I would find the man inside, the man Saruman didn’t control. I found him, and I fell in love with him.” Haldir gently moved so that he was looking down at Dorvane and pressed a sweet kiss to each side of his mouth. “You are a good, kind, funny, intelligent, handsome man. How could I not fall in love with you?”
Feeling humbled by Haldir’s kisses and the look in his eyes along with his words, Dorvane simply closed his eyes and sighed softly. “I still do not understand,” he whispered and opened his eyes slowly to gaze into Haldir’s, “but I cannot deny that it was my fondest wish. For so long… maybe all along, I only wanted you to want me in return. I love you and… I want you to be with me… but… Gods, I don’t know where to begin now. I’m finally free…” he whispered the words in awe as he just realized he was finally free of the dark magic that held him in thrall for so long. He felt as if there was still a darkness in his soul but that the light for now at least had won out.
“I have wanted you for a long time,” Haldir confessed. “Soon after I came to these rooms, you would sometimes drive me mad with wanting you. I felt guilty, but Gods, when you fought against Saruman’s hold over you, you were an amazing lover. It was as if things… changed after our bargain – after our first kiss, really. And look…” He reached between them and carefully lifted one of Dorvane’s hands that had been curled protectively up against his chest. “You were asleep for a very long time even after I awoke and… the bands. I was able to take them off. You truly are free now.”
When Haldir began to explain how things had changed, he knew deep down he was right, but only because Saruman’s hold on him had slipped, probably even prior to their bargain it had began to slip. He felt a sense of guilt for that in an odd way… he hadn’t the strength to assert his true will ever before, only because Saruman was losing the war did Dorvane reclaim who he once was. When Haldir pointed out that his bands were gone, he felt his body tremble and looked up at Haldir gratefully. “Gods… I had lived with them for so long,” he murmured. He knew the scars would be horrendous once the bandages were gone, his original injuries with the horrible results of 17 years of reopening the wounds every time Saruman was annoyed with him and the fact they had seemed to act like a parasite, burrowing deeper into his skin each day. “I never thought I would ever be without them… well… at least not live to remember anyway.”
Bringing Dorvane’s hand up to his lips so he could kiss each knuckle, Haldir nodded. “You are free to do whatever you want now. Saruman is dead, the guards are dead, and… your whole future lies ahead of you. I think it will be a long one too.” He didn’t elaborate on that, and quickly moved on. “I guess the question is, do you want me to be a part of your life, or had you rather put all this – and me – behind you?”
Dorvane startled at Haldir’s question and almost moaned in pain, his body was still sore though oddly at the moment it was his back which hurt him most of all. “Of course not… I… I only survived because of you… Haldir, don’t you see that you saved me well before Saruman’s death, you gave back to me the person I was once was. Without you I would not be here now and I doubt… I doubt that without your sacrifice for the Ranger would I have changed at all,” he whispered. “I want you to always be a part of my life, I want… gods I want to be away from this place. I want us to be together but… I fear you will realize what a mistake you are making one day soon if you stay.”
Haldir ran his hands over Dorvane’s side, down his hip and thigh, then back up to rest against his lower back. He didn’t speak of what had happened while Dorvane had been unconscious, of the promises he’d made or the price he’d been asked to pay. No, there was enough guilt already, and the Elf wasn’t about to add to it. Gently kneading muscles stiff from lying in bed immobile for so long, he shook his head, letting golden hair fall in a curtain around them both. “I am not making a mistake, Dorvane. I love you, I want you, and I want to share my life with you. How can that be wrong?”
The words stabbed through Dorvane, but it was not painful but joy that he felt. “I cannot fight you on this… anything but this. I love you and want you too much to keep denying,” he said softly. “I do not wish you to have regrets and I fear you will… but I cannot fight against you anymore,” he whispered. “I need… Gods, I’m so weak, I need to get up, if the guards are all gone then the slaves need to be freed.” Despite his desire to get up he couldn’t, his body was still weak and recovering from near fatal blood loss.
“One of the prisoners was being moved when the guards fell, and he has been feeding and giving water to the slaves trapped in their cells,” Haldir explained. “I don’t know how to free them. I was afraid to leave you long enough to figure it out, and I didn’t know where the master keys were anyway, but… they know things have changed. I think some are afraid you will keep running this ‘farm’ as it is, and are still very angry.” Before Dorvane could speak, however, Haldir pushed his hair back behind them and smiled down at his lover. “You are too weak to make the trek to the cells right now and it is dark outside already. We can wait until morning, at first light. Besides, I plan on showing you how much I love you starting… right… now…” Tiny, soft kisses punctuated each of his last words until finally, his lips settled over Dorvane’s in a deep, sweet kiss, one that Haldir could only hope conveyed just how much he loved Dorvane and how grateful he was to have him back, safe and whole.
Dorvane shook his head, no he did not want to stay there and run the ‘farm’ as it were. He wanted to answer about the master keys and other things but then all thoughts were stolen by the tiny sweet kisses that led to a deep kiss that stole his breath and made his heart that was once frozen and hard now beat heavily in his chest. If his arms were not still sore they would have wrapped around the Elf and pulled him even closer still but for now he had to just accept the sweet kiss and let Haldir control their pace. When they drew apart again, Dorvane smiled, the first smile since Saruman’s death. “You plan to kiss me into submission then?”
“Perhaps,” Haldir chuckled, pulling away reluctantly and sitting up on the bed. He tried not to call too much attention to his bandages, hoping Dorvane wouldn’t notice that both had been cut this time, and began fussing with the blankets. “Now, before you even try to sit up, I want to rub your back and legs. I don’t think you realize how long it’s been since you’ve moved. Then you have to eat. You will do the slaves no good if you collapse from exhaustion before you free the first one, now will you?”
“If the pain in my back is any indication, it has been some time. How long has it been? How long have I laid unconscious while you… injured as you were took care of me?” Dorvane watched as Haldir tried to avoid his gaze. “You wish to take care of me… the best way to do that is to take care of yourself as well you know. I need you, Haldir. I have not… ever admitted that to anyone before but I need you as much as I want you and as much as I love you, I need you as well.”
Haldir paused in his gentle rearrangement of the bed and its occupant and met Dorvane’s gaze. He knew Dorvane had loved him, wanted him – but this man he’d fallen in love with was so strong and steady, Haldir had never imagined him needing someone, let alone admitting it. “Three days, I think, maybe four, though I was unconscious for a while myself. I am fine, though… I heal quickly. You know that. And taking care of you helps me more than anything.”
“Unconscious?” Dorvane’s eyes narrowed as he realized just how stubborn Haldir had been. “I won’t ask because I am afraid I’ll only be angry if I know the answer…” he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “I hope you never feel the need to have to hurt yourself on my behalf ever again, Haldir… despite you healing quickly… I just don’t ever want you hurt again, especially not on my behalf, I did promise to protect you once,” he said smiling a little bit to let him know he was truly not angry just… frustrated with the situation.
Gentle hands moved soothingly over Dorvane’s back as Haldir tucked him in closer and simply enjoyed the feel of having him awake and alive and moving against him. “You have protected me,” he whispered, “and I will always do anything to save you. That is part of loving someone, Dorvane, being willing to do or give up anything for them. I was happy to do this for you… just as you were willing to let me go before – because you loved me. That, I think is the greatest proof of all of how we both feel.”
Dorvane had almost started to argue that he had not been much of a protector, remembering the beating Haldir had taken from the guards that time and how he had mistreated the Elf himself before their ‘agreement’. It seemed like a lifetime ago now though didn’t it? Everything had changed. He had changed, even before Saruman’s death he had been changing and now… now he was the person he was years ago, only haunted with guilt for what he’d done in the last 17 years. He sighed and tried to smile a little. “I am not happy to see you hurt though… because I love you. Impossible circle I suppose,” he grinned a little wider then and relaxed into the bed. The sheets were clean, Haldir must have changed them sometime while he slept and he too was clean, his naked body slid against the sheets a little and his arms were tightly bandaged. “You have been busy while I slept.”
“I had to keep busy or I would have gone crazy,” the Elf confessed. “I never left the room, and I spent most of my time just watching you breathe, but so many times I just kept remembering all the times you were so kind and gentle with me, and all the times you told me you loved me and I never said it back… even though I think I’ve been feeling it for a long time. And I was so afraid I would never get the chance to say it so… I had to keep myself occupied with something besides counting your breaths or your heartbeats.”
Dorvane’s face saddened a bit and he nodded. “I would have been the same I think,” he whispered, knowing he would have been mad with grief if it had been Haldir hurt and unconscious for so long. “Once I am strong enough, I want all the slaves released… I know you said that one has been caring for them but… they need to go back to their homes soon. I have no wish to hold them here… as soon as I am able I’d like to do that. Will you help me?” Dorvane asked wondering if Haldir would want to help with such a task, some of the slaves didn’t think very highly of him as Dorvane’s personal ‘whore’.
“Of course.” Haldir agreed without hesitation, thrilled that Dorvane truly wanted to leave all of this behind him, and give all the slaves their lives back. As he thought about the other prisoners, dozens in all, he thought, he felt a burning streak of jealousy race up his spine, remembering how, when he was a slave, Dorvane had taken him as well as anyone else in sight it seemed. “Dorvane, did you… have you… I mean… have you been with the other slaves since you took me as your lover? I know I have no right to ask but… I… I need to know.”
Dorvane noticed something flash in Haldir’s blue eyes and then his stammered words caught him off guard. His own dark brown eyes widened at the intensity he’d seen in Haldir’s. “I will not lie to you, at first, yes, nothing changed… at first but… as we spent more time together and as I started to feel… a growing attachment to you that later grew to love I did not take the slaves anymore. You must have noticed this… the times when I would return to our chambers in the middle of the day… cutting my work short to return to you. I… was accustomed to a certain amount of release… part of it from the magic that controlled me, but after I began to have feelings for you… you were the only one I wanted, the only one who could… could satisfy those needs.”
Haldir almost growled when Dorvane said he’d taken the other slaves at first, but calmed a bit when he said he’d stopped that practice after he’d fallen in love. His eyes were still dark with jealousy that he knew was ridiculous even as he pulled his lover closer. “Please… no one else but me from now on,” he said softly. “As long as you love me, love only me. I could not bear you think of you with another.” He didn’t mention what would happen if to him if Dorvane took another lover, and could only hope and pray that that would never be an issue. Instead, he simply buried his face against dark hair and closed his eyes, whispering softly. “Promise me, Dorvane. Only me.”
“No, no one else, Haldir. I have not wanted anyone else for a long time now and I will not. I love you… and I don’t think I could enjoy being with anyone else. I promise, only you, love,” he whispered honestly wishing his arms were well enough to wrap around Haldir to hold and reassure him. “I promise.”
Satisfied by the sincerity in Dorvane’s eyes and his voice, Haldir relaxed and loosened his hold just a bit. “Good, I… I want you all for myself. Much as you wanted me I suppose,” he added almost sheepishly. One hand came between them and rested on his lover’s stomach, rubbing gently.
“I still find that so hard to believe… I do believe you love me, after all of this how could I not? It still doesn’t’ change the fact that it is difficult to believe you forgive the man I was, magic or no,” Dorvane whispered softly. He smiled when Haldir’s hand began to caress his stomach; he was completely bare under his lover and felt his stomach flutter and his muscles tense a bit from the sensation. He licked his lips and smiled wider.
“Now that is settled,” Haldir smiled, “are you hungry? Thirsty? Cold?”
“I am hungry I suppose but… I think I am enjoying your hand on me more than I am craving food,” he whispered. It had been at least 3 days since he had really eaten but pain has a way of suppressing the appetite and he was sure that somehow Haldir had gotten broth or tea into him over the last days because he didn’t feel dehydrated.
Haldir smiled and ran his tongue lightly over Dorvane’s lips. His hand moved down, softly caressing the smooth curve of a hip, the cool surface of his lover’s outer thigh. “And where, my dearest one, would you like my hand to be?” he murmured. He had indeed managed to get liquids into Dorvane as he lay unconscious, dipping a clean washcloth or often simply his finger into various healing teas and broths and letting it drip onto his tongue for hours at a time, so he didn’t feel the need to push for food or drink just yet. “Or had you rather just close those amazingly beautiful eyes of yours and rest for a while longer while I watch over you?”
Sucking in a breath, Dorvane’s smile seemed to melt into relaxed contentment as Haldir’s hand moved. “Hmmm, that I think is a loaded question isn’t it?” he grinned shifting his lower body just a bit. He was still sore and tired but obviously parts of him were not in the least bit weakened. He was surprised that Haldir called his eyes beautiful, they were just plain dark brown, nothing particularly special, but it felt good to be complimented that way. “Even after being unconscious for days and still sore, I still want you… do Elves have the power to bewitch men?”
“I certainly hope so,” the Elf laughed, leaning down and nuzzling against Dorvane’s neck as his hand moved down a bit more, drifting lightly between slightly parted inner thighs. He noted the way his lover’s body moved beneath him, and he felt the distinct feeling of flesh hardening and filling against his hip and stomach – one his own, and one Dorvane’s. “Will you rest and let me take care of you, guren? In any way I see fit?”
“I am at your mercy, love,” Dorvane said softly. “I would love to touch you in return but… my arms are not healed yet… you do not have to do this if you don’t want to, I… well,” he paused and gasped as Haldir’s hand moved against his inner thigh. “I… cannot do much but lay here, that can’t be fun for you.”
When Haldir had been Dorvane’s slave, he had often been denied release, or been made to feel so ashamed when he did find it, either by his own hand or by the guard’s. Since they had become lovers, however, Dorvane had been attentive, always looking after his needs, and Haldir found that he was actually looking forward to this – pleasing Dorvane and giving him his full attention. “You have no idea how much I want this,” he said, sounding a bit surprised and amused at himself. “I know what you like… now I want to know what you love. And I don’t want you to even try and move.” With that, he carefully lifted himself off of his lover and rolled to the side, gently laying each injured hand safely on the bed out of harm’s way. Before Dorvane could respond, he slipped one hand in thick black hair and licked at full lips until they parted, and spent the greater part of the next several minutes simply kissing his lover and letting his free hand explore the taper of a slender but muscled torso, the soft down just below Dorvane’s navel, the curve of his hip and then lower, combing gently through the dark hair just below his now straining length. “We have all the time in the world… just relax. We will rest when you need to.”
Dorvane gasped when Haldir looked him that way and felt his erection throb against his stomach. He lay submissively, something he had never done, and let Haldir position his arms out of the way and then lean over him, kissing him until Dorvane couldn’t breathe. Gods, it was amazing just being touched and kissed this way. He couldn’t return the touches because his arms were still sore and swollen and his fingers could still not move without causing pain. His toes clenched though as a curious hand explored his body and he was panting when Haldir drew back to look at him. “All the time in the world,” he echoed with a smile. “Gods, your touch feels so good.”
Haldir pressed his thigh between Dorvane’s legs, putting slight pressure against his arousal. “And your body feels exquisite under my hands. Ever since I moved into these rooms, guren, you have been an incredible lover, though it took a while for me to admit it, even to myself.” As he spoke, he moved down, pressing warm, sweet kisses against skin that smelled of the spiced soap Dorvane always liked, the soap Haldir had used to clean him with while he lay unconscious, gently wiping away every trace of blood, sweat and tears. “I still wear your mark,” he murmured, licking and sucking gently at Dorvane’s neck as he pressed his groin down until the blunt head of his lover’s cock rubbed against the gold piercing he still wore at the base of his sex. The action caused him to shiver with pleasure. “I want to mark you as well, if you will allow it.”
Dorvane moaned as a firm thigh insinuated itself between his legs and his hips moved of their own accord against it. Any lingering pain and soreness he felt seemed to dim as the rush of lust and love surged through his body. He moaned as Haldir’s lips moved against his skin and he gasped when he spoke of marking him. “Gods… yes, yours, Haldir. I am yours.” He wanted this more than anything to belong to Haldir, he had belonged for so long to Saruman, touched by such evil and malice and he realized he needed this. He needed to belong completely to Haldir.
As soon as Dorvane consented, Haldir’s lips fastened on his lover’s neck even harder. He sucked just to the point of pain, careful not to pass it, but wanting everyone who saw Dorvane to know that he had been claimed. He’d never been a possessive Elf until now, but he’d never been with someone who had been with so many “lovers” either until now. But that, like so much of their history together, was in the past, he knew, though the need to mark Dorvane was uncontrollable. When the mark beneath his lips was a dark purple, he pulled away, satisfied, and licked at the bruise tenderly. “Mine,” he murmured softly, something he had never done or said before. “I love you, Dorvane, and as I am yours, you are now mine.”
Dorvane’s legs moved against the bed as Haldir’s mouth sucked at his neck, gods it felt so wonderful, it was almost painful but at the same time it seemed to make his soul leap inside him, the warmth in his chest grow. It was an incredible feeling to be claimed this way, in such a positive and wondrous way. All he’d ever wanted with Haldir was to feel that the Elf wanted him and now, he had that and it was a something Dorvane was committed to never letting the Elf regret. “I love you too, so very much.”
Warm Elven lips smiled at the declaration of love just as they closed over Dorvane’s left nipple and his tongue lapped at the quickly hardening nub of flesh. His hand was still caressing his lover’s inner thighs and hips, avoiding his arousal for now. He took his time, sucking and teasing, then moved to the nipple’s twin, before moving downward, pressing his tongue gently against the slight indentation between each rib on Dorvane’s right side. He was getting closer and closer to his goal, but kept a close watch on his lover’s face, determined to stop and let him rest should this be too much for him, or should he suddenly look too tired to continue.
Panting and moaning softly as Haldir’s talented tongue teased him, Dorvane closed his eyes for a moment, lost completely in the sensations. He did not move his arms but his body quivered under his lover’s ministrations and his legs continued to move, almost writing under his lover. “Gods, love,” he murmured, gasping when Haldir’s attention moved to the next nipple and then down his side. The Elf was driving him crazy but in such a very good way. His hips moved, thrusting as much as he was able against Haldir’s thigh, his body craving the friction and pressure.
Finally, Haldir repositioned himself, with his head at Dorvane’s thighs, which spread willingly enough before him. He moved so that his lover could watch, throwing his hair behind him and locking eyes with the dark brown ones he thought only a few days ago he might see opened again. Never breaking their gaze, he palmed Dorvane’s testicles in one hand, pulling gently and rolling them in the palm of his hand. His lips parted, and finally, he closed his eyes and let the warmth of his mouth slide down over the leaking length, taking it in deep, relaxing his throat when the swollen head reached the back of his mouth, and swallowing the organ all the way to the root, almost purring when the taste of precome hit the back of his tongue.
When Haldir’s mouth continued to move down his body Dorvane was completely lost in a fog of lust and love for the Elf. He watched as Haldir looked up at him, his hair shimmering in the firelight flickering from the hearth and he gasped loudly when a warm hand cupped and teased him. “Oh Gods, love,” he murmured again, his hips shifting slightly as his legs moved further apart. This was a level of trust that Dorvane had not shared with Haldir before, being this vulnerable, he was injured and yet confident that his lover meant him nothing but pleasure and never harm. When Haldir moved and took his arousal into his mouth, the warmth surrounding him slowly and his lover swallowed around him, Dorvane cried out, writhing and moaning over and over again. He wanted desperately to touch Haldir, but he knew moving his arms would cause too much pain for that, instead he had to content himself with wrapping one leg over Haldir’s and caressing his calf with the side of his foot. “So good…”
Haldir pulled away for only a moment, leaving Dorvane’s heavy length glistening and wet in his hand. “Yes, love, you are,” he whispered, scissoring his leg and returning the caress and at the same time pressing his own arousal against the bed. “You are so good, so delicious, so hard for me…” His mouth descended over the thick organ again as he began to suck in earnest, and his hand moved up and down on the shaft, squeezing with just enough pressure to bring his lover close to the edge. He wanted Dorvane inside him, wanted him so badly he could barely think, but now wasn’t the time, not with him still so weak. Soon, when he had regained his strength. Tonight were all about his pleasure, and Haldir had no intention of exhausting him… only making him feel relaxed and at ease with this twist in their relationship… one that was so new for them both.
Dorvane felt his face flush a light pink when Haldir spoke to him but he had no way to respond when a hot mouth surrounded him again, stealing his breath and all his thoughts. He wanted to touch and wanted to make Haldir feel just as good as the Elf was making him feel, but he was quickly losing the battle to even hold back. His hips moved in tiny arcs, not able to lay still as the talented mouth brought him so much pleasure. He was moaning Haldir’s name and sweet endearments that it was amazing Dorvane even knew after all these years. “Close… so close, love.”
Watching Dorvane’s face to see what speed and pressure he liked best, Haldir found a rhythm that seemed to work and didn’t slow. “Come for me, guren,” he whispered, fisting him just a bit tighter, his own saliva and Dorvane’s own precome slicking every inch of his engorged length. “Let me watch you.”
Their gazes locked as Haldir spoke to him, and it took only moments for him to obey his lover. How long had it been since he had been the more submissive partner? How long had it been since he had given himself to another this way? Dorvane shuddered as his release began to surge through him, his muscles tensing and his eyes widening and darkening even more as he watched Haldir’s face. He cried out loudly as his back arched off the bed while he trembled and shuddered through his climax. It seemed to sap all of his energy he had left and he collapsed against the bed again, panting and sweating. “By the Valar.”
Haldir felt the rigid flesh in his between his lips jerk and pulse, and warm fluid began to fill his mouth moments later. So many times the guards had forced this on him, and so many times he had hated this act, but here, now, with Dorvane, he wanted to taste him, to be with him in every possible way, though he sensed Dorvane still had a difficult time believing that. His hand slowed, coaxing every last drop from the trembling organ as he swallowed his lover’s release, then gently cleaned him with his tongue. Only when there was no trace left did he move up on the bed and wrap his arms around the still trembling body, pulling him close. “By the Valar indeed,” he whispered, licking his lips like a well-fed cat lapping up the last dollops of cream in plain sight of his lover. “You are exquisite, guren. In every way.”
Dorvane continued to shiver as his lover’s mouth cleaned him so thoroughly, he was smiling and breathless when Haldir finally released him and lay on the bed beside him. His stomach fluttered as he watched the Elf lick his lips and he smiled feeling incredibly young for a moment when Haldir complimented him. “So are you… Gods, Haldir so are you,” he whispered. “Are you… do you need? I cannot move my arms to help you… but I do not want you to be left like this… please, I want this between us now to always be fair,” he whispered remembering the times he had used that horrid potion on Haldir as well as others and remembering times where they stimulated the slaves and left them to have to give themselves relief.
He did need, he positively ached, but he could wait, Haldir thought. Dorvane looked tired, and had been through so much, and the Elf wanted only to convince him to rest. “Rest first. When you awake, I will take care of us both,” he promised. When it looked as if Dorvane would protest, Haldir kissed him slowly and thoroughly. “I want you, love, never doubt that. But more than anything, I want you safe, and healthy. The next time you open your eyes, I have another idea I would like to try… if you feel up to it.”
Dorvane started to protest, not wanting to leave Haldir like that, but he was tired. Exhausted really, after all, three days ago he had almost died. His lover’s kiss forestalled any argument he might have had and finally when they drew apart again, he nodded. “You have me curious,” he whispered and smiled. “I am sure I’ll be up to it… but… you are sure?” He was already feeling sleepy, the effects of still recovering from so much blood loss and an incredible orgasm making his body relaxed.
Haldir pulled the blanket up over them both and carefully tucked Dorvane’s hands safely against him, then pulled him even closer. “Am I sure that having you healthy is the most important thing to me? Absolutely. Now stop worrying and rest.” His fingers, which had moments ago been teasing and tormenting, were now gentle and soothing, doing their best to coax Dorvane into an even more relaxed state so he could rest and heal. “That’s it, love… just close your eyes and think about the future, not the past. We are going to have such a wonderful life together, such a beautiful future.”
Dorvane was hard pressed not to give in to the feelings of warmth and contentment as he lay beside his lover. Haldir’s hands were gentle and soft and soon he was relaxing even more. He felt a bit guilty about leaving Haldir without finding his release but perhaps later after he’d rested he could help remedy that? Definitely when his arms were healed completely he would make absolutely certain Haldir experienced a great deal of pleasure in a number of ways. “I love you,” he whispered as he began to drift off into a sated sleep.
“And I love you,” Haldir whispered softly, his fingers lovingly combing Dorvane’s hair back as he spoke and snuggled closer. May Faramir forgive me for it, but I really do. Burying his face against his lover’s neck, he closed his eyes and tried to forget about his arousal, concentrating instead on simply listening to each breath that was now so precious to him, and feeling each thankfully strong heartbeat beneath his fingers.
Chapter 21
Another day and a half passed after Dorvane woke up before the slave that had been taking care of the others got up the nerve to tentatively knock on the former slave master’s door. He’d heard them talking in the last few days, he knew when he’d approached the door the first time that the Elf had said that Dorvane had been ill but had not died as the other guards had. He had been as patient as he could be, but it was too much for him trying to tend all the other slaves alone. He needed to get them out and without a key he couldn’t do that. The doors were still locked through a magical spell that allowed him to pass food or water through but no person could pass through the doorways even with them wide open. He suspected the only person who knew how to break through that was Dorvane and until just two days ago the man had been unconscious… he had tried to offer time for him to become awake and aware but now he really needed to release the other slaves. Dorvane had no more guards, no more Saruman and had no right to keep them. He gathered his courage and knocked on the heavy door.
Haldir, who had been changing the dressing on Dorvane’s wrists, knew that their visitor had to be the one slave who remained free. Dorvane was finally regaining his strength and his wounds were healing over, though they were still raw and weeping in some spots and likely would be for a few more days to come, despite the teas and ointments Haldir faithfully made and administered several times a day. He knew the slaves were impatient to be free, but also knew that overtaxing Dorvane too early would gain them nothing, so he’d been reluctant to push the issue, knowing the freed slave would come to them if there was a problem. Tying the last bandage carefully in place, he kissing his lover’s knuckles and smiled, then crawled off the bed and studied Dorvane’s face. “Are you ready to speak with him?” he asked, knowing Dorvane would know of whom he spoke.
Dorvane heard the knock as well and looked up at Haldir as he finished what he was doing. He smiled as his lover’s lips brushed against his skin and he nodded. “We cannot put this off, those slaves need to go home now,” he said softly. “The key he is needing is there, inside that chest where the masters to the submission rings are. I suspect that the rings are disabled, maybe even released on their own like my wrist bands did… if not you may give him the entire box of them so the slaves can remove them,” Dorvane explained his weak arm barely able to stay up long enough to point to the wooden box in question.
“I do not have to let him,” Haldir said, meeting Dorvane’s gaze. He knew facing the slaves – any of them – would be difficult, and possibly dangerous, and honestly wasn’t very keen on the idea at all. He’d been in the slaves’ position not so long ago, and knew how much he’d hated Dorvane then – quite possibly as much as he loved him now. Surely they would like to see him dead. “I can simply give him everything he needs now that I know where they are. There is no need to tax yourself.”
Dorvane nodded. “I understand… just… there are a few things I need to tell him,” he paused as the knock sounded more urgently this time, “before he peels the skin of his knuckles knocking.” He frowned and looked up at Haldir. “I know you want to protect me and frankly, I know I cannot protect myself right now, if you need to keep him in the doorway so be it…”
Biting back a sigh, Haldir went to the doorway and tried to reconcile himself with feeling so at odds with the man on the other side of the door. He hoped there would be no violence – indeed, the slave used to be a friend before he started calling Haldir “Dorvane’s whore” under his breath, and in truth, Haldir couldn’t blame him. But the slaves, didn’t know this Dorvane, the man he had become, the man he was beneath all the evil Saruman had blanketed him in, had forced upon him.
Schooling his features, he opened the door and gave his former a friend a hard look. “You may speak with him, but you may not come inside. And know that if you try and hurt him, either with weapons or words, I will repay you tenfold, no matter that we used to be friends. Things have changed since then, in more ways than you know.”
Mardil was slightly irritated by how long it had taken for the door to open and he scowled at the Elf for a moment. He started to speak but before he could the Elf was already laying out ground rules. His scowl grew deeper and he shook his head. “I have no weapons, I just want keys to free the other slaves, I cannot take care of them all on my own and I want to leave this place, just give me what I ask for and I will leave,” he snapped. If the others wanted to take revenge that was up to them, he just wanted to do what he thought was only right, free them, and then leave.
Dorvane frowned as Haldir and the slave exchanged words. “I have told Haldir what you needed to free them all, you will find horses and wagons in the stables I’m sure you’ve found them and been feeding them have you not?” Dorvane asked from the bed.
Mardil nodded. “Aye, I’ve been feeding them and every other blasted thing on this farm,” he said irritably.
“The slaves may take the horses and wagons to leave this place, take provisions as needed but I will ask that a wagon and 6 horses be left behind along with provisions for Haldir and myself. Can this be done?” Dorvane asked, knowing that the slaves would love nothing more to leave them there without transportation or food.
Haldir stayed between Mardil and Dorvane so that the two men could barely see one another. His voice softened a bit when he saw that apparently, Mardil, at least, meant no harm. “Please, Mardil,” he said in a more reasonable voice. “There is no need to tell the other slaves that Dorvane is alive… or that I am, for that matter. Simply free them a few at a time, and give them what they need, and do as Dorvane asks. You can see, he is not the cruel slave master he used to be. He was controlled by Saruman just as we were controlled by those damnable submission rings. If they come for him, they will have to kill me first, and neither of us have any wish to die, not now.”
Mardil narrowed his eyes in thought as Dorvane made requests and then Haldir did as well. He frowned, he really didn’t care if Dorvane was controlled by Saruman or not, he didn’t care at all but by looking at him, he had suffered in some way. Not nearly enough though it had not been Dorvane who had captured him all those years ago, he merely held and tortured him and in the last months… the torture had been less and less until it was almost none at all and none from Dorvane’s own hands. Maybe he was a different man than he believed? “Six horses, a wagon and provisions… fine, I will make sure they are set aside and no one else knows about them. Just give me the keys and I will set about my tasks so I may leave this place.”
Quickly, Haldir gathered the box and master key as Dorvane had instructed, keeping a wary eye on Mardil as he did so. “You are a good man, Mardil. Please do not betray our trust. You know that if anyone attacks, I may die protecting him, but I will take some of our attackers with me. There has been enough death and pain in the place already.” He placed one hand on Mardil’s shoulder and met his gaze. “He is a good man as well. Trust me as you once did, when we were friends, not enemies, when we comforted one another rather than traded hurtful words and hateful looks every time our paths crossed.”
Dorvane watched the exchange between Haldir and Mardil with interest, hoping that the man would keep his word.
“I could honestly say I do not care what happens to either of you but you are both alive and at one time you were my friend. You took care of me when we shared a cell and I will not betray that kindness. You are right, enough bad has happened in this place. I will not break your trust and tell the others, I will just tell them it took time to break into the sealed room to find the keys,” he explained. “Just keep quiet and out of sight until the others are all gone, I did not wish to stay longer than I had to, to release the others but I will stay and keep my promise.”
Dorvane almost flinched when the man said he didn’t care of happened to either of them, he certainly deserved that but not Haldir. Never Haldir. “Mardil… do me a favor and consider that Haldir may have had no choice but to become what you all called him… he has been here longer than any of you and it wasn’t until this last year that he gave in to my whims… please remember that.”
Mardil simply stared at the man, not sure what he wanted to believe, it was simply easier to hate than it was to understand or empathize with the man or the Elf before him. “I said I’d keep my promise, beyond that I can promise nothing more,” he said as Haldir handed him the box. He would dearly love to repay Dorvane for every beating and rape he had ever endured in this horrid place but that would take time and fighting Haldir who had in fact at one time been a person he considered a friend. He’d spent enough time in this place and Haldir had as well, if this is what the Elf chose in the end of it all then he could have it. “Good luck to you Haldir, even if I do still think you’ve lost your mind.”
“No, not my mind, only my heart,” Haldir said softly, giving Dorvane a look that said much more than words ever could as he ushered Mardil towards the door. “Whatever you think of me – or of us, Mardil, thank you for your help. If I can ever repay you for this one day, I will.”
Dorvane found himself smiling foolishly at Haldir, barely registering the look of absolute shock on Mardil’s face as he did so.
Mardil had been completely taken by surprise, not so much by Haldir’s words, though they were surprising but the smile on Dorvane’s face. He’d never in the 4 years he’d been a captive of the man’s had he ever seen him truly smile. Smirk yes but never a smile like that. Mardil quickly looked up at the Elf and shook his head. “I… you… you owe me nothing,” he said still shocked as he took a better hold on the box and turned around to leave the room. He shook his head as if to clear it and looked back at Haldir. “Good luck to you, Haldir.” With that the man left to go free the other slaves.
Locking the door behind him, Haldir crossed the room again and reclaimed his place on the bed beside Dorvane once more. “I think we can trust him. The others will most likely think both you and I were killed when S… when the wizard died, so I doubt they will even give us a second thought in their haste to return to their homes. It is probably best that way.”
Dorvane was still smiling a bit as Haldir sat beside him. Just the thought that Haldir had admitted even a small part of what they shared felt good. “I think we can trust him as well, he does not seem to care about anything but leaving here as quickly as possible. That works to everyone’s advantage I think,” Dorvane said softly.
Slipping an arm around his lover, Haldir rested against the headboard and pressed a kiss to Dorvane’s temple. “Aye. It is for the best. It will be good, I think, for them all to return to their families. That will help them more than anything else ever could.”
Dorvane sat quietly for a moment before looking up and catching Haldir’s gaze with is own. “I… I know we have already discussed this… at least a little but… I want to offer you this one more time. It kills me to do it but… are you certain you do not wish to return to your family or seek out… seek out the Ranger? You know… when Saruman’s magic was broken; his hold on your Ranger’s memory was broken as well. The man must remember now and may even be looking for you. I… I do no want you to regret your choices.”
Haldir had given that particular question a lot of thought over the past few days, and knew he had to tread carefully with his answer. Dorvane was still so convinced that Haldir was only humoring him, or was going to change his mind, that the wrong words could drive him away forever, but, there was unfinished business and the Elf truly did feel as if it needed finishing.
Being especially careful of his lover’s hands and arms, Haldir gently pulled Dorvane into his lap and wrapped both arms around him. “I will never regret you, love, and I want to be with you for the rest of his life and beyond. But… I do feel as if I need to explain to Faramir – who is no longer ‘my’ Ranger what happened that night. I think I owe him that much. Especially if he does remember me now. I don’t want him to think I simply cast him and all we shared aside on a whim. But… make no mistake, it is you, and only you, I want to be with.”
Dorvane watched Haldir’s eyes, the answer seemed to be completely honest but a part of him still refused to believe that Haldir would stay with him if he did find the Ranger again. He merely nodded, not sure how to say anything else for a few moments. “Then we should make plans, I think we are in agreement that this place should be destroyed.”
“Yes… it should. When you are well enough to travel, we can burn this place down and start over, just the two of us, and leave this place far behind,” Haldir agreed. Tracing his fingertips over the beloved face before him, he continued. “Tell me what you envision – a garden? Animals? A library or a castle or a hollowed out tree or a stone fortress? Anything you want, guren… anything at all.”
Dorvane smiled and leaned into the sweet touch, certain that it would not matter what he wanted, it would not come to pass. “I am not sure… my father was a merchant… I was to be one as well and then… I’ve spent the last 17 years as a slave master on this ‘farm’… but… I do… well… like the peacefulness of that. I never liked the city where I grew up… I liked the wilds too much, wherever we go, I would like it to be… quiet.”
Haldir saw a glimmer of doubt flickering behind Dorvane’s dark eyes as he spoke. Gently resting his palm on the side of his lover’s face, he frowned and let their gazes meet. “You doubt my feelings for you,” he stated, knowing it was the truth at once. “Oh, love, if I had wanted Faramir, I would have gone to him the moment you were unconscious. But I’m here. I’m always going to be here.” If you only knew what happened while you slept, you would believe.
Dorvane looked down. “It is not that I doubt, I am just not confident your feelings are as strong as they are for… for the Ranger. Now, you might feel obligated, feel pity for me… but that may change and I won’t blame you for it. When you do leave me… I will not hate you or blame you and I’ll be grateful for the time I did have with you.” His words were so much different than the man he had been before who took whatever he wanted.
“I am not leaving,” Haldir said firmly, hooking a finger under Dorvane’s chin and gently tilting his face up again. “I love you. I do not pity you – you are the strongest man I have ever known, guren. You overcame such great evil by your strength and will alone that I am in awe of you.” He leaned forward, pressed a soft, warm, and loving kiss against his lover’s lips and rested their foreheads together. “When we celebrate hundred years together, you will look back on this and see how wrong your words were. Because I promise, I will still be with you then, no matter where you are… and I will remind of you of this day.”
Dorvane offered the best smile he could and nodded. “I shall hold you to that then,” he whispered. He did not wish to argue the point any further, he knew Haldir cared for him and had said he loved him, there was no question he felt loved but would it be enough to sustain the Elf? If he was very lucky Haldir would stay, outlive him and move on. If he was not lucky, the Elf would stay a short time before leaving him, so they might as well make the best of every possible moment. “Until Mardil comes back perhaps we could just rest here and relax. I want to recuperate as soon as possible so we can leave this place, I think Mardil had the right of it there.”
Haldir bit back a frown, knowing he had made little leeway in changing Dorvane’s mind, but having no idea what else to say. Only time would prove him right. His hand slid down his lover’s neck and urged him to rest his head against Haldir’s shoulder, and the Elf closed his eyes as well. “Aye, rest, love. I want nothing more than for you to feel better, and I think the sooner we get away from here, the better off we will both be.”
The notion made Dorvane feel equal parts excited and apprehensive. If his fears came true it meant Haldir would leave him sooner rather than later but if not… if just by chance Haldir would stay… he would never for one moment give him a reason to regret that choice. Dorvane closed his eyes and sighed as he snuggled just a little closer. His arms weren’t healed enough to wrap around Haldir but his fingers had enough strength to at least brush lightly against Haldir’s. “I love you,” he whispered softly as he closed his eyes and tried to relax.
Dipping his head down, Haldir pressed his lips against Dorvane’s in another kiss. Then trust me. He thought the words, but didn’t say them. Dorvane had enough on his mind now, and Haldir couldn’t bear to add to that, especially by telling him the one thing that would prove just how much he loved him. “I love you too,” he murmured, caressing his lover’s arms and resting his head against dark hair. I’m going to prove that to you, too, Dorvane, if it’s the last thing I ever do.
The days passed swiftly after Mardil released all of the slaves and left. Dorvane and Haldir were completely alone on the farm for a time, both of them thankful none of the slaves had ever thought to double back and check Dorvane’s rooms. Once Dorvane was well enough to stand and walk around the rooms and got to the point that he could dress himself he knew it was time.
He and Haldir packed the last of everything useful from his chambers, and the last of the food in a large wagon that Mardil had left for them along with the horses they asked for. Dorvane wasn’t sure he had trusted the former slave to keep his word, but he had. With the last of the horses tied to the back and front of the wagon they could use them along the way to barter with. Dorvane was looking out at everything as Haldir stepped up beside him. “This is it…”
Haldir looked at the place that had been his home for the past nine years. With the exception of the rooms he and Dorvane shared, he hated every inch of the place. Everywhere he looked, he remembered some humiliation, some torture, some sick game that had been played on him or one of the other slaves. He was more grateful than he could say that Dorvane didn’t want to stay… and better yet, wanted to destroy the place, though they had no idea where they were going from here. “Aye,” he said softly, resting his arm around his lover’s waist. “I think this place will always feel marked by evil and pain to me… to any of the firstborn, really. The very air is heavy with it.”
Dorvane wrapped his now healed arm around Haldir as well, nodding in agreement. “It is,” he stated simply and looked at Haldir for a moment. “And now it is time to be rid of it for good,” he said reaching over the picking up the oil lamp. “I thought you would like to be the one to set it all ablaze,” he whispered softly, knowing just how much Haldir hated this place.
Haldir nodded and took the lamp, throwing it a few feet in front of them where they’d piled bales of hay next to the worst part of the whole place – the ‘play rooms.’ The glass shattered, scattering oil all over the side of the building and saturating the hay beneath it. His eyes were fixed on the wooden siding but his words were directed at his lover. “You have much to leave behind here as well,” he observed. “Why don’t you light the match, and I will throw it so this place is destroyed by both our hands?”
Watching as Haldir’s jaw set and he threw the lamp, Dorvane felt a sense of satisfaction wash over him as he saw the oil soaking into the dry hay. When his lover asked him to light the match he nodded. “I’d love to,” he answered as he took the matches and the stone and struck a single one, cupping his hand around it to make sure it took hold and then he handed it off to Haldir was a small kiss to his cheek. “We are closing the door on this chapter of ours lives and opening another,” he said softly.
Haldir drug his eyes away from the building and his gaze softened at once at the sincerity in Dorvane’s voice and expression. He carefully took the match and, making sure it was burning well enough not to burn out, flicked it with his wrist. It landed perfectly on top of the oil-soaked hay just as both Man and Elf took a few steps back. The fire was immediate, hot, and immensely satisfying. Haldir stared for a moment, holding and being held, mesmerized by the flames that would consume this, one of the most terrible and hated places on Arda, and finally turned back to his lover. “Aye. The door to our future awaits us… and I am more than ready to open it.”
Dorvane slipped both arms around Haldir’s waist and rested his chin on his lover’s shoulder as the fire caught and began to hungrily eat through the hay and flames began to move up the wood siding of the first building. The fire spread quickly as if knowing it had a job to do. When Haldir looked at him and spoke he smiled and brushed a sweet, loving kiss against his lips. “Let’s open it together,” Dorvane said softly as he moved away and began to lead Haldir toward the wagon. “What direction?”
Haldir closed his eyes and spun them both around in a circle until they were dizzy. When he opened them, he turned in the direction Dorvane was facing. “That way,” he said, pressing a kiss against his lover’s lips. “Let’s go find our home, guren.”
Dorvane laughed as Haldir spun them, glad he hadn’t lost his footing at the unexpected exuberance his lover had. He smiled when Haldir pointed ahead of them and he gave him one last squeeze in his arms before they went to their wagon and climbed on. The fire was raging and crackling behind them now but neither of them looked back as they headed only the Valar knew where.
Chapter 22
Once they left Saruman’s slave farm as it burned to rubble, neither Dorvane nor Haldir knew exactly where they were going. They just traveled for days, stopping in villages here and there as they ran low on provisions and used the extra horses to get them to the next place.
In one of the villages, Haldir heard talk that the brother of the Steward of Gondor was marrying. Those words stopped him in his tracks, but he didn’t let Dorvane see, or even know what he’d heard until later that night. His instincts had been right – Faramir had moved on as well.
The knowledge was a relief to Haldir, who’d been torn between needing to find his former lover before he and Dorvane settled anywhere and bringing the whole Faramir conversation up again. It made the decision to put off the long trip to Gondor a bit easier, especially since, in the next village, he heard the same rumor.
He’d been completely honest when he told Dorvane that he was happy for Faramir, though he could have sworn he saw just a bit of worry behind his lover’s dark eyes. He truly had moved on, though Dorvane didn’t seem to believe that just yet, which was all the more reason to put off the trip for a few weeks anyway, especially since word was that Faramir was quite happy. Still, the idea that Faramir would feel discarded or hurt nagged at him, and the notion that he needed to at least say a proper goodbye never truly went away, though he did his best to hide that from Dorvane. He really was happy, despite that one final door he needed to close in his past.
Since it was spring and warm weather traveling as they were was fine but once winter came in a few more months they would need a more permanent shelter. One day they happened across a large farm and the man was working a field near the road. He seemed to be having trouble with his plow and both Dorvane and Haldir agreed they should stop to help.
The man was grateful to them both and asked where they lived. Both of them looked back at the wagon for a moment and the man nodded knowingly. He went on to say the war had caused many to lose their homes and neither of them corrected him. Besides in one sense it was true after all.
The man owned almost all of the land in the small valley they were in and offered a deal. For three of the horses and their wagon he would let them have a small cabin at the edge of his property. The tenants who had lived there before had moved and he had never offered it out since. The building was in disrepair but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a bit of work and he even offered a small amount of land for them to work for food for themselves and to sell to make a living. It sounded like a perfect idea to Dorvane and they asked the man to let them think about it. That night in their wagon they discussed the man’s offer and decided that it was perfect. It was far away from anyone who could possibly recognize Dorvane and it was peaceful there. They could start over with their new lives in a place like this, and so the next morning they went to the farmer and gave him their decision.
The farmer went with them to the cabin that morning, helping them unload their wagon and even left tools for them to use to make their repairs before he left with his payment.
For many months they worked hard every day, fixing up the cabin and planting late crops. It was hard work, harder work than Dorvane had done in years really but he was determined to make this work for them both. Haldir seemed happy there in this place and that was all that mattered to him.
Today Dorvane was going through the rows of almost waist high corn, they’d gotten it planted just in time for a late crop and now it was thriving. When Badin had sold them the land he had told them both it was very fertile but Haldir and he were both surprised at how quickly their small field had began to grow and thrive. He leaned down and pulled a few weeds from between the stalks and continued down the row, unaware he had an audience as he enjoyed the warm sunlight.
He had stopped wearing the black he had worn for so many years, no longer needing it to hide blood stains and his linen shirt was clinging to him a bit from sweat but he had never felt more alive than he did here in this place they’d found together. The only reminders of the past were the scars on Dorvane’s wrists, which he kept covered with soft leather cuffs that went up his forearm against his skin, the only thing showing where his sleeves were rolled up. Stopping in the middle of the row, Dorvane leaned down again to pull another scraggly weed.
Haldir, who had gone inside to get them both something to drink had returned and stopped short when he saw his lover. Gods, he was beautiful. Long black hair hung down around his shoulders, and with the sweat making his shirt damp, it was easy to see every muscle and bulge in his upper body. He didn’t think about how those arms had gotten so hard and large, but he liked the way they looked now, not to mention the rest of him. His shirt hung over the top of his breeches, which also framed a perfectly proportioned lower body, a tapered waist and long lean legs, with thickly muscled thighs and calves that Haldir had found drove Dorvane crazy to be licked and nibbled on.
With Dorvane leaning over as he was, Haldir couldn’t resist. He sat the water jug down on the ground and silently stalked his lover, managing to be practically on top of him before Dorvane even had a clue he was there. The Elf draped himself over his lover’s body, ran his hands beneath the clinging shirt and gently pinched Dorvane’s nipples as he pulled him upright. “You look good enough to eat,” he murmured, sucking on an earlobe and letting his tongue lick just beneath it. “Much, much better than this old corn.”
Once he pulled one weed, Dorvane noticed another and yet another, frowning a bit he continued to pick at them until he was satisfied but he failed to notice his silent lover approaching. He startled only a little when Haldir’s body pressed against his own and strong Elven arms wrapped around him. A soft gasp escaped as long fingers pinched his nipples lightly and he stood slowly, pressing his body back against Haldir’s as Dorvane’s head tipped back to rest on his lover’s shoulder. “I always said you were a sneaky, Elf,” he teased as he felt warmth in the center of his body from the tongue teasing him so. His fingers flexed and dropped the weeds to the ground as his hands reached back to grasp his lover’s hips and pull him closer against him.
“Yes, and you love it that way,” Haldir grinned, running his hands beneath Dorvane’s shirt, loving the way warm, damp skin felt beneath his fingertips. “I’m quite a strong Elf as well, you know. What is there to stop me from throwing you over my shoulder, carrying you back to bed and spending the rest of the day showing you a few more Elven tricks that I just remembered?” He looked around them and frowned, though his hands kept caressing and stroking lightly. “Well… except those weeds? And the fact that we have a lot of work to do today both here and on the house?”
Dorvane arched against his lover as gentle work roughened hands moved over his skin, a warm breeze touched against the opening of his shirt and he shivered against his lover. “The house and field aren’t going anywhere I know of… so the work will be waiting for us later,” he teased in return. “I have to admit I am curious about the tricks you speak of… are there things you have been hiding from me, love?” Dorvane enjoyed the teasing that they were able to do with one another now, now there was no fear for Haldir. The Elf could do or say anything and everything he wanted, even argue with Dorvane openly. The man loved that… well not always loved their arguments but loved the fact that Haldir no longer feared him in any way. He could feel his breeches growing tighter as his arousal began to grow and his hand caressed up and down Haldir’s side. “Though… do you really want to wait to drag me all the way back to the cabin?”
Haldir’s eyes darkened at Dorvane’s words and he turned his lover around in his embrace, marking his neck with gentle nips against the artery on the side that pulsed beneath his tongue. “You are a bad influence,” he murmured, pulling away only long enough to pull Dorvane’s shirt over his head and throw it so that it hung over a stalk of corn, only to be followed by his own. “I was never an impatient Elf until I fell in love with you.” Thankful they were isolated, he sealed his lips over Dorvane’s and unfastened his breeches with deft fingers, pushing the fabric to the ground. “And actually, there is at least one trick I haven’t showed you yet. You don’t even have to take your boots off.”
Dorvane’s arms wound around Haldir, holding him close, his hands moving over every inch of his back as his lover marked his neck, claiming him in a way that the man loved. He loved seeing those marks on his skin, loved knowing how they got there. He laughed when Haldir called him a bad influence. “Only now you realize this?” he teased even as he was being divested of his shirt. The light summer fabric barely made the stalk of corn bend and he laughed again as Haldir said he was never impatient before they fell in love. When Haldir removed his own tunic, Dorvane’s hands greedily began to map over smooth perfect flesh. “Now you have me curious,” he whispered as he leaned in and captured Haldir’s nipple with his mouth as his hand moved to tease and lightly pinch the other. The sun was warm against his bare skin but Gods, it felt so good.
Long fingers cupped Dorvane’s head as soft lips and gentle fingertips teased Haldir’s nipples into hard little nubs. “Making love in the gardens has never taken on such a literal meaning,” he murmured, tilting his head and nuzzling against the curve of his lover’s shoulder. His free hand slipped between them, unlacing his own breeches and he finally pulled away, breathing a bit heavier then normal. He looked down between them, smiling as he saw the rigid flesh that stood out proudly from between Dorvane’s legs, matching his own arousal. “Get down on all fours for me, while I get something, and your curiosity shall soon be satisfied… along with a few other things as well.”
Dorvane’s pulse was hammering as Haldir nuzzled against him and then he found himself almost trembling as his lover stepped away from him. He licked his lips suggestively when Haldir told him to get down on the ground and nodded. Though he didn’t take the most direct of routes as he ran his tongue all the way down the front of his lover’s body to his navel, where he placed a soft kiss and had to fight the urge to taste his lover this way. He’d discovered in the last months that he very much enjoyed taking Haldir that way, it was something he hadn’t done since he was a very young man but realized only now how much he loved giving Haldir that pleasure instead of taking it from him as he had in the past. He was on his knees looking up at Haldir and smiled. “I’ll be waiting,” he said softly, his dark eyes even darker now.
Haldir shuddered as Dorvane’s lips moved over him. That, combined with the way already dark eyes looked at him with so much love and lust made the Elf even more aroused. He watched his lover for a moment, then backed away, his arousal nudging its way beyond the lacings of his breeches and his balls already feeling full and heavy as he wondered how Dorvane would react to his little ‘trick.’ “Face away from me, guren,” he called out, retracing his steps from a moment before and going back to the jug of water he’d brought with him. He’d left early that morning, as he could travel much faster alone, and gotten fresh water from the stream high in the mountains above their home. It was quite a distance away, but he was working beside his lover a little over an hour later, having gotten the water and an added bonus… ice. The head of the stream was situated high on the side of a mountain and he often gathered thick icicles as a treat for them both, especially on the warmer days. Normally, they used them to cool their water or tea, but today, he had other plans.
Dorvane raised an eyebrow in curiosity, but turned awkwardly to face away from Haldir. His fingers curled into the soft dirt and he was grateful now for how carefully he had worked to make sure there were few rocks in their garden. The soil was cool and a little moist under him but it felt wonderful to be so close to nature again. He shut out the ideas and thoughts of his past but they were always there. Haunting him. Everything had been so cold and dark there. Nothing like this place that was just so full of life and color, light and warmth. He waited silently for Haldir to return, curious but not peeking even though Haldir had not said he couldn’t, it seemed implied in his mischievous grin, so Dorvane honored that.
Haldir’s already hard arousal twitched as he saw his lover presented to him so beautifully. Dorvane’s breeches were around his ankles and the toes of his boots dug into the ground. They truly were equal in all ways now, even in their lovemaking, and the Elf knew what a leap of trust it was for Dorvane to offer himself this way, yet he did so without reservation or hesitation. He still wondered often about Faramir, but somehow knew in his heart that the handsome young Ranger he would always love had moved on without him. As soon as the current crop had been gathered and sold, he planned on talking with Dorvane about visiting Faramir… just to be sure. As he knelt behind Dorvane, Haldir set the jug down and let one hand stroke his aching cock as the other moved lovingly over his lover’s backside. He sometimes remembered the indignity of being presented in such a manner, the breathless anticipation of knowing his vulnerable skin would be beaten at any moment, and felt all the more love for Dorvane’s trust in him now that their situation had changed. “You look so beautiful,” he said softly, using both hands to gently part the globes of Dorvane’s backside and running his thumbs along the puckered entrance before him.
Dorvane’s back arched like a cat’s when Haldir touched him and he widened his stance as he felt his lover settle behind him. Rocking forward just a little and then rocking back, he let Haldir know without words just how much he wanted this. He had not been taken by another in many years, Saruman had shown dominance by taking him at times, though not often, only when he wanted to ‘drive a point home’ with Dorvane any time he argued with the wizard. Other than those few times it wasn’t until he and Haldir made love after arriving at the cabin that he had offered himself freely to another. It had been a frightening thing for him, giving up that control even to one he trusted but now, he found he craved it. He had not thought of himself as beautiful until Haldir would say the words. He knew he was a handsome man, after all he’d seen his reflection in mirrors and knew he wasn’t unpleasant but he’d been so haunted for so long. How Haldir had ever seen beauty in him before Saruman’s spell was completely broken, Dorvane would never know. He shivered as gentle fingers pressed into his opening and he tipped his head back, biting his lip.
Haldir smiled as his lover moved against him and leaned forward, running his tongue over the skin now pulled tight by his thumbs. Dorvane had taken him the past few times they’d made love, so the ring of muscles beneath his tongue were once again tight and closed. He pulled away to place a kiss on each of his lover’s buttocks then continued with his task, slowly and carefully pushing his tongue forward, back, then forward again. He kept it moist as he worked the organ in bit by bit and gently let his thumbs coax the unprepared entrance open as well, working slowly and lovingly to ready Dorvane for more. He still didn’t understand the concept of pain enhancing sex in any way, not after all he’d been through, and he had no intention of causing his lover any pain at all, so, contrary to his earlier words, he was at times a patient Elf, when it came to the important things – and person – in his life.
Dorvane jolted slightly when he felt the wet warmth of Haldir’s tongue against his entrance. He gasped and his body automatically pushed back, wanting more. A low moan was coaxed from him as his lovers tongue slipped into him, stretching him gently and making his sex twitch with need as it dripped a drop of precome against the ground under him. He shivered as he felt himself being opened even more and closed his eyes for a moment to try and ground himself to keep from coming undone just from that stimulation alone.
When Haldir’s tongue moved easily in and out of the still tight opening, he let one, then two thumbs slowly push inside as well, making certain to keep the skin well lubricated with his saliva. When they too moved easily, he slipped two fingers inside the heated passage, twisting and turning them slowly, and moved his free hand to slide between Dorvane’s legs, pulling his weeping flesh back and stroking it firmly, letting his thumb gathering the fluid dripping from the tip to smooth over the shaft. His mouth moved lower, licking at the full sac that was stretched tight as well, pressed back as Dorvane’s cock was pulled in an unnatural, but certainly not unpleasant position. “This isn’t even the trick,” he murmured just before he closed his mouth over one of his lover’s balls and began sucking gently.
Dorvane was almost panting as Haldir continued to prepare him. His hands balled into fists in the soft dirt and he concentrated on keeping control of himself as Haldir’s mouth moved from his entrance. He gasped as his cock was pulled back that way, feeling different but not painful and then he yelped just a little as Haldir whispered to him and his mouth sucked on his most sensitive of flesh. In all the times they had made love in the past year and a half Haldir had never done such things to him and he wondered what else his lover had been holding out on him. He almost laughed at the thought and decided he looked forward to finding out. “You have me curious, love… very, oh… Gods that feels good… uh curious,” he murmured.
Laughing softly despite the fact that his arousal was aching, Haldir continued his ministrations for several minutes driving both their need higher. Finally, he pulled away and reached into the bucket of water, smiling as his fingers found part of an icicle. Much of it had melted already, but it was still as thick as three of his fingers in certain parts, and thankfully had no pointed ends. He licked over Dorvane’s entrance again, making sure the skin around it was nice and warm, then, without warning pressed the thinnest end of the ice against the small pucker, pressing it forward before his lover could pull away. His fingers kept pushing as his other hand rested on Dorvane’s hip, steadying him. “Relax, guren” he whispered. “Just relax.”
When Haldir moved away a little, Dorvane was curious but could not see past the dark curtain of his own hair to see what the Elf was up to. When something exceedingly cold and hard pressed against him and then inside him, he yelped and tried to pull forward but couldn’t. Soon whatever it was, was inside him and after only a moment he felt it starting to melt inside him from the heat of his body. Ice. It was ice. He knew Haldir had gone to the stream in the mountains that morning and figured he would return with ice but he had no idea he would use it in this way. After the initial shock of it though, he found himself pushing back and moaning as the cold hard surface of it began to push even deeper inside him. “By the Gods,” he murmured under his breath.
Heat and warmth, like the darkness of Dorvane’s hair and the golden strands of Haldir’s, like the cruelty in Dorvane’s heart when Saruman had controlled him and the love that replaced it, contrasted perfectly, Haldir knew, causing Dorvane’s body to react in unexpected ways. The melting ice would stimulate Dorvane’s passage in ways he’d never felt before, and Haldir’s hand kept stroking his lover’s cock, making the heated friction all the more distinctive and distracting. Haldir leaned forward, licking at the cold entrance, warming it again with his tongue, and spoke softly. “More, love?”
Dorvane’s body seemed to want to reject the cold hard object and at the same time keep it inside him as long as he could possibly stand it. He shivered and nodded when Haldir questioned him. “Please,” he whispered, rarely having even thought of using that word himself during lovemaking until the last several months. His arousal was still hard and a new ache began to set up inside him from the cold but also from the need it was making him feel. “Gods, I never even thought of… of using ice this way… feels so strange but so… good,” he murmured softly, the Elf truly surprising him this time.
“One can learn many tricks in two thousand years,” Haldir teased as he reached for another piece of ice and pressed it against his lover. This one was slightly thicker, and rather than push it completely in, he simply worked in and out of the clenching passage, pulling it away every so often to warm chilled skin with his tongue. After long minutes of this, he used it one last time, pushing it in deeply, followed by his still cold fingers. His tongue warmed the skin around Dorvane’s entrance once more, working around his fingers as they found Dorvane’s sweet spot, pushing past the cold, still melting ice and worrying the small bundle of nerves relentlessly.
Dorvane laughed softly as Haldir teased him. “Indeed,” he murmured, “imagine you have others you’ll need to teach me over the years.” His voice trailed off in a gasp when another piece of ice, thicker this time, was pushed inside him and this time he found himself rocking his hips with it as Haldir plunged it in and out of his passage. He would just start to become numb from it and then suddenly a warm tongue would lick him and almost send him scrambling face first into the dirt if it hadn’t been for Haldir’s steadying hand on him. When cold fingers pressed inside him, stretching him even more and began to work against his prostate, Dorvane cried out, his back arching as he rocked back against his lover. He was already so very close to losing control but he wanted Haldir inside him so badly he almost allowed himself to beg, but just managed not to.
“Enough,” Haldir murmured, pulling his hands away, seeing that Dorvane was as close as he himself was, and he had barely even touched his arousal. Still, since they had become lovers, watching Dorvane react to him always aroused the Elf, always made him want to take or be taken, always made him want to show Dorvane just how much he loved him. Without even removing his breeches, he simply pushed them down on his hips, lined his cock up and slowly pressed past now warm muscles and into the cool, still clenching passage before him. Dorvane was still slick with Haldir’s own saliva, and well prepared, and it took almost no time at all for Haldir to find himself buried deep inside his lover. One hand held Dorvane steady as the other still toyed with his arousal, teasing and stroking firmly, and Haldir waited for gripping muscles to relax and allow him to move. “So perfect, guren,” he whispered, removing his hand from Dorvane’s hips and rubbing his back as he concentrated on holding still for the moment. “So tight.”
Dorvane felt seriously close to whimpering when Haldir pulled his fingers away and knew he looked wanton the way he was pressing back toward his lover, begging with his body to be taken. When he felt Haldir shift behind him, he clenched his hands tighter in the dirt below him and in moments he was filled completely in one long slow thrust. He cried out, his head tipping back as Haldir waited for his body to adjust to the feeling of the heat from his lover’s arousal pulsing through his rapidly re-warming passage. “Gods, love…” he murmured as his body began to relax and accept the intrusion. “Move… Gods love, please move, I need you,” he found himself whispering.
Needing no further coaxing, Haldir began to thrust, his hips moving slowly, his eyes watching in fascination as Dorvane’s body accepted him time and time again, each inch of his cock disappearing, then reappearing through the impossibly small-looking opening. He was breathing heavily, and it was taking all his concentration to both continue stroking the flesh in his hand and not come completely undone himself. Finally, he reached down and pulled his lover up and back against him, still stroking the stiff flesh that was now leaking over his fingers each time he aimed a thrust just right. “Melin chen, Maethoren vorn (I love you, my dark warrior),” he murmured against his lover’s neck, slipping into Elvish as he sometimes did when they made love. He paused, shuddered, and realized he couldn’t wait much longer. “Close…” The word was whispered against soft lips as he urged Dorvane to turn his head and kiss him even as his thrusts grew deeper and more erratic.
It all seemed to be too much, Dorvane was completely overwhelmed with sensation as Haldir began to move inside him, plunging deeper and deeper with each thrust. Dorvane hardly realized he was moaning and whispering his lover’s name over the over again. The sunlight warmed their skin, each of them practically glowing as sweat coated their bodies. When Haldir pulled him up against him and the angle changed and his lover thrust impossibly deep inside him, Dorvane cried out. He shook against his lover, trembling with desire. As soft Elven words were whispered against his neck, Dorvane reached back, his hand gripping Haldir’s hip as he turned and their lips met in a deep kiss even as their bodies moved together. He was so close to losing control. His other hand moved down to grip himself, stroking in time with each thrust.
Their fingers laced together on Dorvane’s length and rather than caress him with his other hand, Haldir could only hold his lover steady, since his thrusts were almost lifting Dorvane’s knees up from the soft dirt. He bent one of his legs, needing more traction, and planted his foot beside his lover. “Come for me, meleth.” With that, he squeezed Dorvane’s length and aimed his last thrust squarely for the sweet spot he’d been brushing against, this time pushing against it hard and fast. He cried out loudly, thankful as always that there were no close neighbors, but burying his face against Dorvane’s neck simply because he loved the smell and taste of him, especially at moments like this. His cock swelled even further, then began to pulse, his release coating his lover’s inner walls thoroughly. As he was coming, he reached down and slipped his finger in alongside his still pulsing cock, knowing the added stretch, when timed just right, would add to Dorvane’s pleasure.
Dorvane was completely at his lover’s mercy it seemed. His body was being lifted with each powerful thrust and suddenly the angle changed again and he almost screamed. His head fell back onto Haldir’s shoulder as his eyes closed to protect them from the bright sunlight. Thrusting his hips as his own hand and his lover’s coupled to stroke his aching length, Dorvane did scream in pleasure when he felt his lover’s cock pulse inside him and a finger slid inside, stretching him even wider. His own release slammed into him and he spilled hot and slick over their interlocked hands. Dorvane rode out his orgasm, rocking his hips and shuddering in Haldir’s arms. “I love you,” he whispered weakly.
Haldir carefully removed his finger and let Dorvane’s hand dictate the speed of their hands on his arousal. He wrapped his arm around his lover, holding him close, and rained dozens of kisses over his neck and shoulders. “I love you too,” he murmured between kisses, finally slowly moving his hips away and pulling his softening sex from inside his lover’s passage. He sat down on the dirt; mindless of the mess he was making on his breeches and pulled Dorvane into his lap, cradling him close. Kissing him deeply, he explored the mouth he knew so well. “That was incredible, but a bit harder to kiss you that way,” he murmured, licking at Dorvane’s now swollen lower lip. “And I can’t seem to go long without a kiss or three from the man I love you know.”
Breathing heavily and feeling as if his heart might rabbit right out of his chest, Dorvane relaxed back against Haldir for a view moments, loving the sweet kisses even as he stroke the last of his release from himself. He found himself pulled back into Haldir’s lap moments later and lost in a deep, passionate kiss. He was smiling and breathless when they finally drew apart again. “It was incredible… but like you, I enjoy our kisses too,” he said smiling happily. It was true, the first time Haldir kissed him to make their deal so long ago had hooked him. “We,” he said looking down at the dirt on his knees that was now smeared on Haldir’s thigh and laughed, “are an absolute mess.”
Eyes sparkling with happiness, Haldir brought his now dripping fingers to his lips and licked each of them clean, trying to look innocent as he did so, and knowing full well what kind of affect it would have on his lover. “We deserve at least the rest of the day off, do we not?” he murmured, bringing Dorvane’s hands to his lips as well and licking them clean too. “We have worked hard every day since we’ve been here… so I am officially calling for a holiday. Maybe… a nice little celebration of how well our crops are doing and…” His fingers dipped back onto Dorvane’s stomach, gathering more of his seed. “… all the things in our lives we are grateful for.” He knew just what he was doing, and seriously doubted there would be any rest for the rest of the day if he continued.
Dorvane’s eyes darkened as Haldir licked his fingers and he felt his so recently spent arousal twitch. “I think we could rest today, we’ve been working hard the last few weeks on the garden… and I doubt the weeds will take over in just one day,” Dorvane answered after a few moments. When Haldir took his hand to clean it he laughed softly. “You are going to kill me one of these days…” he teased and gave a thought to getting up but decided not to just yet. Instead he reached for the jug of water and one of the cups Haldir had brought. Pouring a cup he offered it to Haldir.
Taking the cup gratefully, Haldir drank, thinking the water had tasted much better on Dorvane’s skin, but wasn’t bad at all, especially since the sun was now beating down directly on them. “All you ever have to worry about, guren, is that I might love you to death,” he teased.
Shaking his head, Dorvane leaned over to take the other cup and pour another cup of water for himself. He overreached though and quickly jerked the jug toward him to keep it from falling over. Instead he managed to splash almost the entire jug of water all over both of them. For a moment he couldn’t even speak from the shock of what he’d done and how cold the water was. Water dripped from his chin and he looked up at Haldir apologetically to see water dripping from his face as well and not a trace of a smile on the Elf’s face either. “Oh Gods,” Dorvane started to apologize but then started to laugh, unable to help himself.
Haldir almost jumped out of his skin, as he was suddenly drenched with water. COLD water. He liked baths, swimming, and waterfalls. He did not, however, like to be unexpectedly and thoroughly drenched with cold water at unexpected moments. It was on his face, his hair, his clothes, and the man in his arms who was so helplessly giggling at him was not helping matters. Though they now laughed often, to see Dorvane laughing so hard was a rare sight indeed. He might not like the water, but he loved the way Dorvane was now beginning to snort, he was laughing so hard. “Funny how most of it ended up on me, isn’t it?” he scowled, narrowing his eyes into tiny slits. Biting the insides of his cheek to keep from smiling, Haldir wrapped one arm around his lover, easily holding him still, and poured the rest of his cup over Dorvane’s head. “Oh… sorry, guren. Much like you, I seem to have spilled my water… accidentally of course…”
It had been an accident. A very funny accident, seeing how most of the water had struck Haldir almost fully in the face. The look he got from his lover though was less than pleasant and almost as cold as the water, Dorvane thought. But he couldn’t stop laughing and even began to snort from lack of breath. Though his laughter ended suddenly as cold water was unceremoniously dumped over his head, plastering his dark hair against the sides of his face and for a moment Dorvane sputtered and simply looked at Haldir. “Now that was not an accident,” he said wiping water from his eyes but starting to giggle again. They were really and truly a mess now, the water only made the dirt beneath them turn to mud, and the dirt on their skin turn to mud as well.
Haldir was laughing now as well, unable to hold back as Dorvane sputtered and gave him a look that only a few years ago would have terrified him. They simply sat in the middle of their little garden holding each other and laughing until their sides hurt as the sun quickly began to warm them both. By the time they’d stopped laughing, Haldir had drug himself up from the ground, and was gently setting Dorvane on his feet. He laced up his breeches while Dorvane did the same, slipped on his tunic, and in the blink of an eye managed to disappear among the tall stalks of corn. Before Dorvane could even call out for him, the now-filthy Elf was stalking his lover, throwing balls of dirt and even an ear of corn or two in his direction. “That was an accident!” he called after each item hit its target – usually a toe or a shoulder. “That one was as well!”
Laughter and actually ‘playing’ hadn’t been something Dorvane had done in years but now in this moment it felt wonderful. When Haldir first disappeared into the taller rows of corn he assumed his lover was going to go quickly wash off the mud in the small well they had. But just as he picked up his shirt that had survived the deluge since it had been safely up off the ground, Dorvane yelped as a clump of dirt hit his foot. “Accident my arse,” he laughed as he picked up a handful of the weeds he had pulled earlier and tried to sneak into the corn. He had no delusions that he could sneak up on an Elf but an Elf who was laughing might be easier prey. Just as Haldir popped up to throw something at where he had been standing, Dorvane lunged and stuffed the weeds down he back of Haldir’s tunic, laughing at the way the Elf squirmed.
“That itches!!” Haldir protested, dancing around like a fool as he tried to get the weeds to fall out of his tunic… which would have been much easier had he not tucked it inside his breeches. “Oh, you are going to pay for that… there are all kinds of interesting places I can put an ear of corn you know!” With that, he hid again, muttering happily, knowing Dorvane would stalk … and find… him quite easily. It was a near-perfect day, he thought, loving the way his lover’s eyes sparkled happily each time he would get a glimpse of them, and the way soft snickers could be heard all over the garden when Dorvane thought he was lying in wait.
Dorvane was practically crying with laughter as Haldir danced around and then threatened him with an ear of corn. He started to move closer to his lover though, almost willing to help him remove what he’d put in his shirt in the first place only to find Haldir disappearing again. After a few moments though, Dorvane managed to find his lover and held his hands up in surrender. “Peace?” he asked showing he had nothing in his hands.
Haldir dropped the handful of dirt he had in his hand and grinned at his lover. “Very well,” he sighed, then reached down and emptied his pockets of dirt as well. He wiped his hands on his thighs and locked both arms around Dorvane’s waist. “You have no idea how much I love hearing you laugh, do you? No idea at all.”
Dorvane laughed even harder as Haldir emptied his pockets. “You were saving ammunition… just like my sneaky, Elf,” he teased as he wrapped his arms around Haldir as well. “I love seeing you smile and hearing your laugh too… neither of us had much to laugh about for a long time… I am glad we have found that now,” Dorvane said softly as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Haldir’s in a sweetly passionate kiss, exploring his lover’s mouth and inviting Haldir to do the same to him. When he finally drew away several moments later he was breathless. They were both covered with dirt, sweat, mud and still damp from their ‘dousings’ and he tucked a muddied lock of hair behind an elegant ear. “We could use a bath.”
“Aye,” Haldir agreed, a bit breathless himself. “That we could.” Dorvane’s hair was muddy as well, and he laughed at how it hung over his face. He wrapped the length of it around one hand, just as he had on the first night he’d turned from slave to lover, remembering how Dorvane had once confessed he’d been worried about that little gesture. As always, though, his touch was gentle and loving, and he let the strands fall from his fingers in a dark, though dirty, wave. “Let’s go home. It is our day off after all,” he smiled, resting his arm over his lover’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to his temple, and heading in the direction of their little cabin.
Chapter 23
Dorvane had gone to the bedroom to clean up from working in the garden and change clothes for dinner, which Haldir was preparing for them. It had been a pleasant summer day, hot but not terribly so and the two of them had worked side by side in their garden. It seemed a strange thing to him when Dorvane would stop to think on it. Farming, a real farm. It wasn’t exactly something he ever considered before. As a youth he imagined he would take over his father’s business and work as a merchant in Gondor and later he never imagined he would ever be free of Saruman to make a choice about his future this way. It was so much more peaceful than he ever imagined his life becoming and Haldir seemed at ease with it. The outdoors suited the Elf of course and strangely enough it suited Dorvane just as well. For the first time in almost 20 years he found himself… happy.
Combing his hair back from his face, Dorvane worked a small tie around his long black hair and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was no longer as hard as it used to be, no longer did he see the coldness he once held in his eyes and he thought that he even looked happy now. He grinned at his reflection for a moment and set the brush back on the dresser. When he did his unlaced sleeve caught on a drawer pull, and he almost laughed at himself. It wasn’t a drawer he normally used, it was one of Haldir’s that he kept a few items in and when Dorvane opened it just slightly he realized it held no clothing only small personal items. A small knife in a sheath he’d gotten in one of the towns they passed through and several books. Dorvane noticed they were all books that he himself had given to Haldir as gifts. Almost as if they were kept there just for himself and not added to the shelves in the rest of their small house. He smiled as a finger traced over the bindings and then he noticed a small box. Puzzled his fingers moved over the smooth wood and he wondered at it. He didn’t recall Haldir purchasing the box in their travels. Perhaps it was something kept from before? But no… the slaves were not allowed to keep anything, though maybe Haldir had found it when they were leaving Saruman’s farm?
Curiosity got the better of him and sun darkened fingers opened the small latch and then lifted the lid. Shock at what was inside suddenly slammed into Dorvane and he merely stared at the two rings resting side by side within black velvet. Two simple silver bands with a thin ring of gold running through the center seemed to wink back at him in the lamplight and he felt his heart sink. These must have been purchased before Haldir knew of Faramir’s marriage. The Elf must have had every intention of leaving him, as well he should, and then discovered that the Ranger had married so he simply stayed with Dorvane. That had to be it.
Haldir could not have gotten such finely made rings in the small village they visited to sell their vegetables… they had to be from one of the larger villages they’d stopped in on their travels. It was the only thing that made sense and the only thing that Dorvane could accept. Of course Haldir had wanted to marry the man whom he had risked everything for, Dorvane was fooling himself if he even tried to believe that the Elf loved him half as much. They were happy… at least, Dorvane thought they were, he was anyway but was Haldir? Was Haldir truly happy with him? The man who had tormented him for years? Of course he’d claimed to forgive him but… how could one forgive so much? There had to be a part of Haldir that still hated him and longed for the Ranger. He was sure if the roles were reversed he’d feel that way.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Dorvane let his fingers trail over one of the rings before he could stop himself and was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realize Haldir was standing in the doorway watching him. Slowly he closed the box and leaned against the dresser, wiping at his eyes with one hand when he realized the tears that had gathered in them. Tears were a weakness he rarely allowed himself before and now he hated them, hated the way they made him feel so he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. When he looked up though he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw Haldir standing there with a puzzled look on his face and slammed the drawer shut so hard the mirror on the wall above rattled. “You… you startled me,” he stammered and winced at how idiotic it had sounded stating the obvious.
So, Haldir thought with an internal frown, Dorvane had found the one thing he hadn’t wanted him to find; the one secret he had kept from him. His lover had never had any reason to look into that one drawer, so he thought the rings had been safe, but… apparently his little secret was no longer a secret at all. “I never meant for you to find those like that,” he said softly, crossing the room to stand behind Dorvane and slipping his arms around him. “I should have done a better job at hiding them away. I’m sorry.”
Dorvane stiffened only for a moment when Haldir’s arms wrapped around him before relaxing into the embrace. At least he was holding him. He closed his eyes for a moment, forgetting the mirror before them and let himself savor the feeling of Haldir’s arms around him. “My sleeve hung on the pull and it came open a little. I did not mean to snoop really I just… I saw the books I gave you and it… made me curious why you’d hidden them away like that,” he said softly as he opened his eyes and looked into Haldir’s in the mirror. He tried to ignore the rings, afraid to ask about them but he had to. Haldir knew he’d seen them. “The rings surprised me… well… that isn’t exactly true,” he sighed and turned slightly so he could look at Haldir. “I expected something like that actually. Its… its all right. I… just didn’t expect you to keep something like that after all these months.”
Haldir, misunderstanding, pressed a kiss to Dorvane’s cheek and smiled as he glanced toward the drawer in question. “I kept the books in a special place because they are dear to me,” he explained, “Gifts from the one you love are always special. And as for the rings… I haven’t had them for that long. What do you mean you didn’t expect me to keep them after all these months? I only got them a few weeks ago when we were in Marina. I was waiting for the right moment but…” His smile grew wider and he used his chin to brush aside Dorvane’s long, dark hair so he could nibble on his neck. “I guess that moment is now.”
Dorvane felt his heart leap in his chest when Haldir spoke of the books being from the one he loved. It still didn’t alleviate his worry about the rings and when Haldir went on he startled a little and pulled away from his lover. “A few weeks ago? Oh,” he said swallowing hard as the realization hit him. Haldir still had hope even though the Ranger was long since married if the gossip they’d heard was anything to go by. “So… when were you going to tell me that you were leaving?” he asked in a cold voice, “or were you going to tell me at all? Since you never told me about the rings I suppose you wouldn’t would you? I… I thought you were happy with me.” He was appalled when his voice broke and he turned away from the Elf realizing that this heartache was exactly what had sent him to Saruman in the first place.
Dumbfounded, Haldir stood staring at Dorvane, trying to piece together what had just happened. Leaving? He wasn’t leaving? He was never leaving Dorvane, though Dorvane couldn’t seem to understand that. There was the nagging little voice in Haldir’s head that wouldn’t stop, the voice that told him that while he no longer loved Faramir as he loved Dorvane, he did need to see him one last time to make sure he was well, but he was totally and completely in love with the man before him… and always would be. He couldn’t seem to make Dorvane believe that, not completely, though. That’s when it hit him… the rings. Dorvane thought the rings were for Faramir. “Guren, I am not leaving you. I would never, ever even consider leaving you,” he whispered, taking a step forward and reaching one hand out toward his lover. “I love you, and I am happy with you. Happier than I have ever dreamed of being. The rings are for you. I wanted to propose to you, Dorvane. I wanted – I want to marry you, if you’ll have me.”
Dorvane had so many arguments prepared in his mind that he almost missed what Haldir said. “Me?” he almost gasped the words as he stared at Haldir. He felt as if the bottom fell out of his stomach as he stood there hoping and praying he’d understood his lover correctly. “If I’ll have you? I… I thought,” he rubbed his forehead a little and gave Haldir a puzzled look. “How…” His mouth snapped shut and he shook his head. “I thought you had gotten the rings before you knew the Ranger had married… I thought… I… truly you got them just a few weeks ago?”
Haldir took another step closer and gently ran his hand up and down Dorvane’s upper arm, as always surprised by the look of confusion on his dear face. It never failed to break his heart at the idea that Dorvane couldn’t get used to the idea that he was loved and cherished for just being the man that he was, and that Haldir truly had forgiven him for all that had happened in the past. There was so much doubt behind those lovely dark eyes that sometimes Haldir just wanted to curl around his lover and protect him from everyone and everything, wanted to erase his past and give him nothing but happy memories and laughter to look back upon. Interrupting his own thoughts, he squeezed his lover’s arm gently. “Do you remember, when you were haggling in the market about the price of the seeds for our spring crops that first day, and I said I had a few errands to run?”
As if held in thrall, Dorvane stood still as Haldir moved closer and his body reacted with a flush of fire in his blood as his lover’s hand touched him. “I remember,” he said softly. The day had been cool and clear and Haldir had wandered off but he hadn’t known where. Dorvane had assumed to find a book or something for the small home they were making. They needed so many basic things then that he hadn’t given his disappearance much thought at the time. That was long after they had heard of the Ranger’s marriage. He couldn’t imagine Haldir wishing to destroy something like that and he looked up with a small bit of hope in his eyes. “I… I do not want to sound mean spirited… but… I need to know,” Dorvane began and took a breath, holding it for a moment before going on, “am… I just second choice? If given the chance, if the Ranger were not married… would those rings be for him?”
This time, the Elf put both hands on Dorvane’s arms and faced him. His eyes were serious and met his lover’s gaze squarely. “You have never been my second choice,” he said in a soft, but firm voice. “The day Saruman died, you told me to leave. I could have gone to Faramir then, but I had no desire to. I wanted to be with you. I made my decision that day, Dorvane. I stayed with you, with the man I love, and I swear to you, I have never once regretted it. I love you, and even if Faramir were here right now, asking me to return to him, I could not. I care deeply for him, but he is my past, guren, while you… you are my present and my future.”
Dorvane found he couldn’t speak when Haldir finished. The words were still echoing in his mind, making his heartbeat faster in his chest and hope unfurl inside him slowly. “Present and future…” he whispered softly and moved closer as if his body craved Haldir’s body heat. “Forgive me for doubting?” he asked softly. “I… still have a hard time believing you want me, that you love me. I have done little to give you reason to love me in my estimation so I am always amazed when you say you do.”
Haldir met Dorvane and his arms slipped easily enough around his lover’s body, holding him close. “There is nothing to forgive, love,” he whispered, resting his cheek on top of Dorvane’s dark hair. “You give me a million reasons to love you every day, you just have yet to realize it. The way you smile at me every morning, the way you hold my hand as we walk to the gardens, the way you rest against me in the evenings when we settle on the couch with our books. Those are the moments I cherish, and the ones that make me fall in love with you all over again, guren.” He held Dorvane to him a bit tighter for a moment, then reached over to the drawer with one hand and opened it, pulling out the small box that held the two rings that had started this. “If I hadn’t come in when I had, you might have seen the inscription, and you would not have doubted. Hold them up in the sunlight and tell me what you see engraved on this inside.”
Dorvane sank into the embrace, resting his head against Haldir’s shoulder and taking a deep breath and taking in the unique scent of his lover. Gods, he loved everything about Haldir, possibly always had only when Saruman had controlled him it had twisted that love. When Haldir took out the rings he looked up at him in surprise. “Engraved?” His eyes fell to the inside of the small band, seeing not only his name but Elven words of love and fidelity and hope there. His fingers shook as he reached out to run them over the small band and when he looked up at Haldir he realized in that moment he was truly loved for the man he once was years ago and the man he was now. Even the darkness that had tainted him was accepted. “I… I want to be your husband… will… will that do for a yes?”
Blue eyes sparkled with happiness as Haldir smiled. “That will do,” he whispered, as he cradled Dorvane’s head with one hand and his lips sealed over his lover’s in a deep, soft kiss that could leave no doubt in Dorvane’s mind of how he felt. Gods, he loved this man so much, he sometimes couldn’t find the words to express it, and when Dorvane doubted, Haldir blamed himself for not knowing how to tell him how he felt. When they pulled away from the kiss long, perfect minutes later, they were both breathless and panting and Haldir rained dozens of tiny kisses over his lover’s face. “You have once again just made me the happiest Elf on Arda, guren… not to mention the luckiest.”
Caught up in the sweetest kiss he’d ever known, Dorvane simply allowed himself to melt into Haldir, to give up any attempt at strength and simply allowing his lover to hold him and give him support and comfort. He was still not used to actually feeling emotions like joy and hope and love after so long deprived of those things by dark magic. He was panting when they pulled away from each other and found himself smiling. “I am the lucky one… by the Valar I am the lucky one, Haldir. I could not have dreamed you would ever want this… with me.” It was true. He never allowed himself to even dream of being bound to Haldir in such a way.
“I want everything with you Dorvane,” Haldir whispered, gently brushing the hair back from Dorvane’s face with his fingertips and following the feather-light touches with the brush of his lips. “Only you.” He pulled back slightly and wrapped his fingers around his lover’s, which were still clutching the rings. “What would you think of us wearing these now, until we can make it official the next time we are in town. I am too impatient to wait now that you have accepted, and I must admit it… too excited to wait until our trip in the spring to Tessier. I want everyone to know what a lucky Elf I am… even if it is only the birds and gophers and rabbits we see every day.”
Dorvane gasped when Haldir spoke the words ‘only you’. “I think that is a wonderful idea… a ceremony is just that, but how I feel about you does not need such acknowledgement… it already exists as fact,’ he whispered softly. He opened his hand slowly and held up the ring engraved with Haldir’s name inside. “I love you,” he whispered looking up hopefully at Haldir as he reached out to place the ring on a long slim finger. “That is a fact as well and one that will never change.”
Haldir smiled and thought that no piece of jewelry had ever looked – or felt – as right as that right – Dorvane’s ring – did on his finger at that moment. He still happily wore the piercing between his legs, but that was for their eyes only – this was for all the world to see. Taking the other ring from his lover, he slipped it over Dorvane’s finger and kissed it once it was in place. “And I love you, Dorvane, more than you know, and that too is a fact that will never change,” he whispered. “I am sorry for the way you found these, though. I hate seeing such pain in your eyes. I should have given these to you the night I bought them, and we should have been wearing them ever since.”
When Haldir slipped the other ring over his finger, Dorvane felt a pulse of something so powerful race through his veins it almost took his breath away again. He found himself smiling and moved closer, tucking a lock of golden hair behind a delicate ear. “I just refused to believe you would want me that way… I assumed so much. I am the one who is sorry for doubting. But why did you wait?”
“I wanted to find the perfect moment to propose,” Haldir shrugged sheepishly. “But, I just realized that every moment with you is perfect, so there was no need to wait.” He laughed softly and buried his face against Dorvane’s neck, closing his eyes. “You, my love, have fallen for a very foolish Elf. I hope you realize that. A very foolish Elf indeed.”
Dorvane was surprised by Haldir’s words but he found himself smiling. “I will not have anyone call my husband foolish you know,” he chided teasingly. “Not even my husband has that right.” He was smiling openly, in a way that made Dorvane feel vulnerable but at the same time stronger.
Haldir saw Dorvane’s smile and felt his heart melt, knowing what that smile cost him – and gave him in return. “Mmmm… I love it when you get all protective,” he murmured, nibbling at the warm, delicious neck before him and letting his body slide suggestively against Dorvane’s. “It makes me all hot and bothered and warm in tingly in all the right places… and I think… .though I could be wrong… but I think it’s a husband’s job to take care of things like that, is it not?”
Dorvane laughed softly when Haldir teased him but he found his body reacting to the Elf moving against him. “I do believe it is a husband’s job to take care of such things… and to be protective as well. I know you worked hard on dinner but do you think it will keep until later?” he asked as his hands moved over the soft cotton fabric separating them.
Haldir’s hands wandered beneath Dorvane’s tunic and nodded. “Aye. It will keep,” he whispered. “But I, on the other hand, don’t think I will last a moment longer unless I feel you inside me, guren. It has been an entire three hours since we have made love and this is, technically, our honeymoon…”
“Then you seem to be in luck… seems a waste that I already got dressed,” Dorvane teased as his lips moved against Haldir’s neck, sucking and marking the skin there. Dorvane’s hands made quick work of Haldir’s tunic and long Elven fingers did the same to his own. In a matter of moments, the two of them were completely bare, their skin a contrast in the dim room of pale white against darker olive tones as Dorvane directed them toward the bed.
Smiling and thankful to see desire replacing the doubt and worry in his lover’s eyes, Haldir wished he could somehow make Dorvane understand just how deeply and unconditionally he loved him. Nothing could ever tear him from Dorvane’s side – he knew that without a doubt – but he wondered if he would ever be able to convince his lover of that or finally push aside all the guilt and feelings of unworthiness Haldir knew were always in the back of Dorvane’s mind every moment of every day. Pushing those thoughts aside, he lay back on the bed and pulled the man he so adored down over him, almost purring as he felt warm skin moving over his own. Their lips met and the Elf smiled into the kiss as he felt an already hard length against his leg; he shifted and pressed his own arousal against Dorvane’s leg as well. “I see you are as ready as I am, my beloved husband…”
Those words, ‘my beloved husband’ were words that Dorvane thought he would never hear. His life had made so many twists and turns and this was yet another unexpected change but not unwanted. A tiny part of him still believed that Haldir had merely settled for him but he pushed it away ruthlessly as he focused on the pleasure coursing through his body each place his skin came in contact with Haldir’s. His hips shifted, rubbing his length against Haldir’s leg and he smiled down at his lover. “Your beloved husband adores you, you know that? You have no idea how much you have me wrapped around your little finger do you?” he asked teasingly though it were true. Haldir could ask him for anything and Dorvane would do everything in his power to do it for him. His hands moved over smooth skin as he slid down his lover’s body to rest between his legs more comfortably. “Tell me what you want…”
Haldir leaned up on one elbow and reached out with his free hand to caress the side of Dorvane’s face. If anyone was wrapped around anyone else’s fingers, it was he around Dorvane’s, but it seemed his lover would never believe that. As their gazes met, he let his hand drop down to his own arousal, where he quickly gathered the fluid that was dripping there onto his fingers, then reached between them and gathered the fluid from Dorvane’s arousal as well, then gently smeared it on the already swollen and straining head of his length as he drew the organ closer to him. “As for what I want, my darling, most beloved husband, I want to look into your eyes as you slide into me, and I want you to see that there is nothing and no one on Arda that is as precious and loved and dear to me as you are and always will be. And then I want to you believe it.”
Leaning into the gentle caress to his face, Dorvane had a hard time understanding all that he saw in Haldir’s eyes. His own eyes fluttered shut for a moment when a warm strong hand touched him and he hissed softly. His heart was pounding madly in his chest but he wasn’t entirely sure if it was from his desire for Haldir or the words that his beloved Elf was speaking to him. He wanted to believe but doubts still crowded the edges of his mind, to silence them and himself Dorvane leaned down and caught Haldir’s lips with his own, kissing him deeply, and exploring gently as his own hand joined Haldir’s between them. When he was completely breathless, he drew away again, loving the sight under him. Golden hair spread across the pillow and full lips, rosy from their kiss made his heart skip as he reached for the oil they kept beside the bed and used so often. Used just that morning in fact. “Are you still open for me I wonder?” he asked as his fingers dipped into the oil and moved down between Haldir’s legs. That was never something he cared about before when he was caught in Saruman’s web but now never causing Haldir pain was foremost on his mind.
He never dwelt – indeed, never thought of his first eight years as Dorvane’s slave – but Haldir was nevertheless always touched at how solicitously his lover looked after him now, never once taking a chance on hurting him, no matter how frantic or needy they were, no matter what they had or didn’t have on hand. Always, Haldir’s comfort was foremost in Dorvane’s mind and that, more than perhaps anything else, spoke more of the real man that had struggled past Saruman’s spells and bindings to triumph over his evil sorcerery and finally, even death itself, than anything else ever could. “I am,” he whispered, smiling and spreading his legs wider as his hands moved over Dorvan’s arms and shoulders. “Probably still slick with your own seed, but you are more than welcome as always, to check if you like. I am, as I have been for a long, long time now… by choice… Your Elf, you know.”
Dorvane’s hand paused in its quest for only a moment as Haldir spoke of being his by choice. Somehow that had become of the utmost importance to him, that no matter what they did it was always Haldir’s choice. His slick finger easily slipped inside his lover and he could feel that he was most certainly still slick. “Not sore at all?” he asked softly as a second finger wiggled in to join the first, making sure the ring of muscle was relaxed. “We… did get a bit carried away this morning… or more accurately you did.” He grinned at the memory, the way he’d woken up to Haldir’s mouth on him and how the Elf had slid up his body and straddled him. The thought alone made his sex twitch against Haldir’s thigh.
Laughing softly at the memory, Haldir tightened his lower muscles around Dorvane’s fingers and shifted his hips, feeling the remnants of Dorvane’s release from earlier that morning squeeze out around the questing digits and a single drop slide down the cleft of his backside. “Not sore at all, and I don’t remember you complaining too much,” he teased, shifting his hips so that Dorvane’s knuckles brushed against the piercing he still wore at the base of his scrotum that had marked him unwillingly as a slave at the beginning of their relationship. Now, it was a source of pleasure for him… and though he was always meant to ask but had never found the right time, he felt it was almost a symbol of pride for Dorvane that he still wore it now. “Of course…” he moaned softly as the fingers inside him shifted and it took him a moment to continue, “… I could wake you up a different way every morning and see which you like best…”
“Oh, no complaints at all… ever, love,” Dorvane said grinning at the way Haldir seemed to be impatient now, shifting his body under his own. Dorvane spread his fingers slightly and added a third aiming for his lovers sweet spot as he smiled wider. “Well… never say I was the one to… deny you learning something interesting,” Dorvane whispered. The feeling of Haldir’s muscles tightening around his fingers sent a jolt of heat through his body and he shifted onto his knees between widespread legs. His fingers withdrew carefully as he slicked more oil on himself and leaned forward but only placed the tip of his arousal against his lover, teasing him slightly.
Haldir let his hands slide down to Dorvane’s hips, and gently tried to urge his lover forward, but Dorvane, who’s mood seemed to have lightened up considerably, seemed intent on teasing him to the point of madness. While humans in general were no match in strength for an Elf, Haldir would never even consider overpowering his lover who was strong himself, in any way, and so he simply rocked his hips, rubbing the smooth head of Dorvane’s arousal over the puckered and oversensitized skin of his opening, drawing a moan from them both. His hands moved to cup Dorvane’s backside, kneading gently and his lips latched on to a nipple, which was, luckily, just above his mouth. “Ah, you can tease all you want, guren, but you want me too,” he murmured as he shifted his hips again. “I can feel that hard cock of yours leaking against me, wanting to be inside … your husband, your Elf…”
The bad thing about teasing your lover was that you also ended up teasing yourself in the process. When Haldir began to tease him back it was almost too much to bear. Dorvane’s arm where he propped himself over Haldir began to tremble and he finally gave up the fight. He leaned down and captured his lover’s lips, thrusting his tongue inside as his cock thrust into his lover. He knew Haldir had been well prepared and already open from their earlier activities but as always now he forced himself to stop once inside the tight heat, allowing his lover’s body to adjust before beginning to move.
Haldir had found that Dorvane could drive him to complete distraction with the simplest of acts. Simply pushing inside him, so deeply, holding so still, his entire body often shaking with the effort often made the Elf think he could easily loose his mind both with the need for Dorvane to move and the overwhelming love he felt for the man in his arms, knowing what it took for him not to. Wrapping both his arms and legs around the long, tanned body above him, he drew the hard length even further inside and licked at the shell of his lover’s ear. “Make love to me, Dorvane,” he whispered. “Don’t hold back. Let me feel you, guren.”
Dorvane moaned when Haldir drew him even closer, the Elf’s body wrapped around his own and he trembled almost violently when Haldir spoke against his ear. “Yes, love,” he murmured as he began to move, slowly at first, allowing the muscles to adjust as he began to move faster with each thrust. “Gods, I don’t think I can ever possibly get enough of you,” he murmured. It was true, in the years he’d known Haldir he’d had the Elf in every possible way imaginable but yet he still desired him… and now he desired him more and more each day but not just for physical release but out of love.
“Mmmmm,” Haldir murmured, arching up off the bed to meet his lover thrust for thrust, his fingers digging into broad shoulders to hold himself steady and his heels pressing against Dorvane’s lower back, “you won’t ever have to… Oh, by the Valar… right there, guren… .because you seem to be stuck… Gods!… .stuck with me forever…”
Dorvane’s pulse skipped as Haldir murmured and moved with him, hearing him calling out in pleasure and not pain was something that he found he needed to hear. His hips snapped forward into his lover, almost roughly but at a pace they were accustomed to, and he too cried out when the muscles around him tightened as he aimed for and hit his lover’s sweet spot. “Yes… yes, love,” he panted the words as he continued to move. Forever. The word seemed to echo in his mind and he prayed it were true… but knowing that Haldir wanted to marry him seemed to quiet some of those voices of doubt. He was here with him, he said he loved him, he showed that he loved him daily… Dorvane would take what gifts he was given and be grateful for them.
Somehow, Haldir’s hand moved up to Dorvane’s neck and their lips met in a hungry, almost desperate kiss, though it seemed, happily to them both, that they kissed often and without reserve during all the other hours of the day anyway. This time, too, however, there were also the promises and reassurances in the kiss as well as the unconditional love Haldir always offered and Dorvane often needed. Haldir welcomed Dorvane inside him both physically and emotionally, needing Dorvane as much as Dorvane needed him, though Dorvane was not ready to believe that just yet, the Elf was certain. “So good, guren,” he murmured against soft, full lips. “So perfect, so hard… Gods..I’m close already…”
Whenever they kissed, Dorvane felt his heart seem to settle within him, making love was one thing but the kisses they shared were completely different, even more intimate. He recalled once telling Haldir ‘that is the way you will always kiss me’ but he realized only recently that their kisses had in fact changed. He could even recall a moment in the past when he felt that change and it made his heart leap in his chest. Maybe, just maybe Haldir really did love him most… that was his worry that he did love him but not more than he loved the ranger. He shifted to put all his weight on one arm as he reached between them, wanting to give Haldir as much pleasure as he felt and grasped his lovers cock, stroking it rapidly in time with his thrusts. “Don’t hold back,” he whispered. “I’m close too…”
Long fingers curled in thick black hair and Haldir felt Dorvane thrust in impossibly deeper as his own arousal slid through the fist that knew just how much pressure to hold against him, and just when to move in time with the hard flesh delving inside him. He never, ever closed his eyes when they made love, both because he relished seeing the pleasure in Dorvane’s dark, beautiful eyes that were so filled with love for him, and because he never wanted to give him a moments doubt as to who it was Haldir was seeing. Their gazes met and his body tightened around Dorvane’s cock and stiffened. His own arousal dripped onto his stomach and in only a few more thrusts, he felt his release slam into him. Crying out his lover’s name, he came hard, spilling over Dorvane’s fingers and feeling his own inner muscles milking the length inside him as he begged the man he loved to come with him, to come now, to not hold back anymore.
Dorvane was helpless against what he saw in Haldir’s eyes, his heart at least recognized the truth that his mind would not allow him to see, that Haldir truly loved him. His muscles tensed and as Haldir spilled over his fist between them, Dorvane cried out, now a vocal lover as opposed to the cold man he’d been before. He seemed to spill forever inside the tight heat, his lover’s muscles milking each drop from him and he shuddered as he rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder to catch his breath. “Gods…” he murmured, unable to bring voice to anything else he felt.
Pulling Dorvane’s hair to one side, Haldir simply pulled his lover fully down on top of him, one arm and both legs still holding him close, the feeling of the pulsing but now softening length still buried inside. He licked and kissed his husband’s damp neck, murmuring softly in Elvish and smiled in contentment as slowly, Dorvane relaxed against him. “I vote we have a honeymoon several times a day,” he teased softly, never releasing his embrace. “Or at the very least, one long honeymoon that lasts forever.”
Dorvane wasn’t sure where he found the strength to chuckle just then, but did so breathily and raised up to smile at his lover… his husband. “One long honeymoon that lasts forever sounds rather appealing,” he grinned as the fingers of one hand traced patterns on Haldir’s chest, dipping into the cooling seed on his lover’s stomach. “I dared never hope that you would wish to marry me,” he whispered softly.
Haldir rubbed his hand over Dorvane’s back and smiled. “Oh, love, I think I was ready to marry you the day I realized how much I loved you. I knew it was forever, I simply did not have the means or the opportunity to buy the rings just then. When one finds the love of one’s life, there is no point in waiting. I should have told you then, or asked, but… you were almost married before, and honestly I wasn’t sure if you would want to be… well, to be reminded of that again, though this isn’t the same type of situation at all.”
Dorvane nodded slowly. “No, it is not the same type of situation. For one it is by choice and not simply familial duty, but I was ready to honor them with the promise to always be faithful to them… just as I intend to be faithful to you,” he said softly. His hand trailed down Haldir’s body again and he smiled. “And two… you have a certain physical appeal my former betrothed did not,” he grinned a little then trying to lighten the moment as he cupped his lover’s spent arousal.
Moaning softly, Haldir nevertheless smiled and felt his softened flesh stir with renewed interest in Dorvane’s capable hands. “Obviously the feeling is quite mutual as far as the physical appeal,” he chuckled, rolling over onto his side, but keeping his arms around his lover and still holding him close. “And not only that, since you have the promise of fidelity from the Elf who adores and loves you with every fiber of his being, as well as the promise of one of the first born, I foresee a very long and very, very happy, wonderful, amazing marriage ahead of us, guren.” The words were sealed with a soft, sweet kiss that prevented Dorvane from expressing any doubt. When Haldir pulled away, his eyes were sparkling with happiness and love as he pulled his husband even closer. “You have not only my heart, Dorvane, but my soul as well. One day you will understand that.”
Haldir’s moan made Dorvane’s softening sex twitch as well. He couldn’t respond before Haldir’s mouth descended on his own and he found himself smiling as they drew apart but still held one another close. He wasn’t sure how to answer Haldir, wasn’t sure he could risk truly believing. He simply closed his eyes and held his lover tighter. “Perhaps so, love. Perhaps so.”
Chapter 24
Over the months that followed their first harvests from their small field and garden, Dorvane and Haldir realized there was simply too much food for just themselves and even after selling some for other things they might need; they still had food that might go to waste. So one night Dorvane struck on an idea after Haldir told him of spotting some of the former slaves the last time they went into the village where they traded. Dorvane asked his lover if he thought his idea was sound and the Elf agreed.
So once or twice a month when they had more food than needed Dorvane and Haldir would set out on horseback after the sun had set. They would travel to the homes of former slaves, leaving bundles of fresh vegetables and berries on their doorsteps.
They had just returned from one such outing and were getting undressed for bed. It was very late but the trips like that always felt more than worth it. It was the least Dorvane could do for those men he had a hand in torturing. The only thing about those nights was the fact it made him remember so much. He often wondered what Haldir thought of during their ride as well. Did he remember all the horrible things Dorvane himself had done to him? He knew Haldir loved him, had asked him to marry him in fact but he still worried that the Elf had bad memories of the man he had once been.
Taking off his cloak and tunic, Dorvane looked over at his lover simply watching him as he undressed as well. Do you remember all the pain I caused you? Do you remember your Ranger on these nights and wish for something different?
Haldir did, in fact remember too much on these nights, and after Dorvane slept, he would hold him especially tight, thankful that the man beside him was no longer the man who had caused them so much pain. They avoided contact with the slaves for the most part, but the ones Haldir had seen looked so… haunted. Though he knew in his heart that Faramir now loved someone else, he couldn’t seem to get his former lover completely out of his mind, often wondering if Faramir thought Haldir had simply abandoned him.
The Elf crawled into bed and looked up, surprised to find Dorvane looking at him. “Guren? You look tired… and as if something is on your mind. Tell me?”
Dorvane tried to shake off his thoughts as he stripped the rest of his clothing off and crossed to the bed. “I… I was wondering…” he paused as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took Haldir’s hand in his, rubbing his finger against Haldir’s matching ring to his own. “Wondering what it was you thought of on these nights… you are always so quiet on the ride and even after we get home. I… is it too painful for you? I never really considered it before because you were so pleased with the idea of doing this but… if you rather I go alone… I can. This is my penance after all, Haldir, not yours.”
Haldir sat up next to Dorvane and brought their joined hands to his lips to kiss his lover’s knuckles, then the band around his finger. “You will bear nothing alone, guren,” he said softly. “I want to help you, and I want to help all the innocent men who were hurt because of Saruman’s war. I just…” He stopped, rested his head against Dorvane’s and sighed. “It’s just that I am so happy now, and I wonder if the rest of the former slaves have found happiness as well. I wonder if…” Gods, I don’t want to hurt you, but… I have to know. “I wonder if Faramir is truly happy as well.”
Dorvane was touched at the way Haldir kissed his hands and spoke of him bearing nothing alone. Then when he asked if they were happy if Faramir was happy he swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “You… still love him don’t you?” he asked softly, worried that the love Haldir still felt for the Ranger was something that would always be between them. He would never truly be Haldir’s lover or even his husband as long as the memory of another love long gone was between them.
Haldir closed his eyes and squeezed Dorvane’s hand. “Not like I love you,” he said softly. “I think what we had was exactly what we needed to get us through… what we were going through at the time. A part of me will always be grateful for the comfort he offered so freely, and that part of me will always… Gods, I’m sorry, guren. A small part of me will always care for him. But my heart belongs to you, Dorvane. I only want to wish him well and tell him how happy I am that he moved on… and that I did as well.”
It had been unfair to both Haldir and the young Ranger. The Ranger had no choice at all in the matter; Haldir had given up so much for him without his even knowing. If Saruman’s powers hadn’t began to weaken their hold on him… if the timing had not been what it had… then it was likely Haldir would not have fallen in love with Dorvane after all because Dorvane would have been a man that would not have been worthy of love. Nodding for a moment and thinking about Haldir’s reaction that day when a villager had mentioned that they knew their world was moving on because the steward of Gondor’s brother was being married. Dorvane had always known who Faramir was, Saruman had told him upon his capture and what a feather in Saruman’s cap it had been capturing the young Ranger. Haldir’s reaction had seemed to be surprise but also a sort of relief. He had thought that knowing the man was married would keep Haldir from wanting this… this need to see the man again but clearly that was not the case. “When the harvest season is over… then we should make plans to go to Gondor.”
Haldir lifted his head and looked at Dorvane in surprise. “Really?” What he was asking – no, needing to do – had to hurt Dorvane, and that was the last thing Haldir ever wanted to do. But Haldir himself felt so guilty over falling in love with Dorvane, though from what he’d heard, by the time he had, Faramir was already in love with an Elf from Mirkwood himself.
Haldir was where, and with whom, he was supposed to be with, and he had the feeling Faramir was as well. Still… he needed to say goodbye to his Ranger. “You do not have to go if it will be too difficult. I just… I just want a moment to say goodbye to him properly, since when he left, he had no idea I was the reason he was leaving. He went to sleep one night as my lover, and woke up the next morning alone. I just want him to understand why.”
Dorvane nodded, trying his best to be understanding, even though the very idea broke his heart. His fear was that Haldir and Faramir will see one another and remember the love they had that Dorvane had been so jealous of then and Haldir would leave him. Rings or no, Faramir’s marriage or no, what if what they had in those three short months was more powerful? The very idea killed him to think of but even worse was letting Haldir go alone, the trip would take weeks and not knowing if his lover was returning to him would surely drive him insane.
“I will go with you… I will not interfere if that is your worry I just… I don’t wish to be parted from you for that long,” Dorvane said not elaborating on all the reasons why.
Slipping down beneath the covers, Haldir urged Dorvane to lie beside him. He wrapped both arms around his lover, relieved that they would be going, relieved that Dorvane would go as well, but at the same time worried that there might be an ugly confrontation between his former lover and his present one. “I am not worried that you’ll interfere,” he answered honestly, his words almost lost in the darkness. “I am worried that someone, possibly even Faramir, might not understand at first, and say something to hurt you.”
Dorvane was tense but tried to relax into Haldir’s embrace as he slid down into the bed. “I do not worry about what he might say I’m more worried that as the brother of the steward he’ll have me hanged or worse,” Dorvane admitted. “I know what I was, love, and if I were in his or any of the others shoes I’d likely want that sort of vengeance.”
Their bodies curled together, legs entangled, dark against light, and Haldir hugged Dorvane fiercely. “You know that I love you, don’t you, guren? That no matter what, you are the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with?”
Dorvane curled closer to his lover and sighed softly. He wasn’t sure how to answer exactly. He had moments where he was certain of the love they shared, even more so after Haldir had given him his ring and his promise but there were some moments where he still feared that Haldir didn’t love him the way that he loved the Ranger. “And I love you and want forever with you,” he said avoiding the question.
Haldir pulled away and tilted Dorvane’s chin up until their gazes met, knowing full well that his lover hadn’t answered his question. But, he did have a point. Faramir could order him hanged or killed on sight. Should Haldir have to choose between them… Gods. It would kill him, and Faramir would be within his rights, but Haldir couldn’t bear the thoughts of anyone, even Faramir, harming the man Dorvane had become. “I gave my life to you to save his then, and I will give it to save yours if he or his guards try to harm you,” he said softly. “Faramir is a good man… he will listen to me, will listen to reason, and he will understand. I am sure of it.” His fingers traveled slowly over his lover’s face. “As for the rest… you are my future, Dorvane. Whether you believe that or not, I promise, I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I never will.”
Looking into Haldir’s eyes, Dorvane could see he was telling the truth or at least what Haldir truly believed but Dorvane worried would that feeling change upon seeing the Ranger again? Despite his turn around since Saruman’s death, Dorvane had done horrible things in his life, horrible things to Haldir himself… so he still worried that the Elf might prefer a life without… reminders. “I hope he will listen and it doesn’t come to anyone having to put their life on the line… but I will go with you. I will stay out of the way and let the two of you talk or… or do whatever it is you feel you need to do. Then… if… when we return here together we can work on that porch you wanted to build,” Dorvane said, still fearing Haldir would not return with him.
Taking Dorvane’s face between his hands, Haldir refused to let his lover look away. “There is no ‘if’ about us returning,” he said firmly. “Our life is here. Faramir’s life is in Gondor. When we get back, we will build that porch and the shed out back to store everything, and…” He shifted his hips and smiled when the bed squeaked loudly. “We should probably build a new bed while we’re at it…”
Dorvane looked into Haldir’s serious blue eyes and nodded just a little. “All right,” he whispered and then smiled. “I like the squeaky bed actually,” he added and leaned forward to kiss his lover. “Forgive me for being scared of losing you but… you are everything to me, Haldir. Everything.”
Haldir moved forward and kissed Dorvane deeply. “I wish you could see into my heart,” he whispered, brushing back the hair from his lover’s forehead, “I wish you could know that there is nothing and no one on the face of Arda that could ever make me stop loving you.”
Taking a deep breath after their kiss, Dorvane offered a small smile. “Good… because nothing could ever make me stop loving you either,” he said softly. Only time itself would tell once they went to Gondor but at the very least he felt just a little more confident. He curled his arms around Haldir and pulled him even closer. “You’ve found out what turns me into the biggest coward you could ever know… the thought of losing you. You know that don’t you? Sometimes I worry that I’ll wake up and discover this has all been a wonderful dream… but nothing but a dream.” His words were whispered softly as his fingers moved gently through Haldir’s hair.
“Sometimes I feel the same way,” Haldir said softly. “That I am simply back in my cell, unconscious or drugged, and that you are still trapped inside Saruman’s spells. But then I remember the look in your eyes when you said you had no wish to hurt me, and the smile on your face when you accidentally spilled water all over me… and the way you make me feel when we make love, and I realize it’s all real, it’s all true.” He buried his face in soft hair and closed his eyes, savoring the scent he loved so dearly. “Would it help if I told you that what we have now was worth the eight years I spent in that cell? That I would do it all over again a thousand times if it meant I could be here with you like this?”
“Please, please no. I feel guilty every day for what I did even if it was under Saruman’s control I feel guilty. I hated myself, hated who I was… hated what I did. I would never want to see you go through that again, I know at the time I had no choice and no real conscious control over myself till the end but… I would never want you to go through that again even for what we share now,” Dorvane whispered softly and rested his head against Haldir’s. It was painful to even think of all he’d put Haldir through along with the others.
“I would do it willingly,” Haldir protested, letting his hands move over Dorvane’s back and neck, soothing him as best he could. “This is everything to me… you are everything to me, and a trip to Gondor will not change that.” He pressed a finger against soft lips and shook his head. “No more guilt, guren. You put yours behind you and I will put mine, for betraying Faramir’s trust, behind me. Then there will be nowhere to go but forward… just the two of us.” He could tell Dorvane was still agitated, so he kept caressing his back and arms, working out knotted muscles. “Now let’s plan what else we need to do to this house when we return. Do you think a small talan out back might be a nice addition as well?”
Dorvane started to speak but Haldir stopped him and began to rub his tense neck, shoulders and back… making him feel loved beyond measure just as he said he was. He smiled a little when Haldir spoke of the plans for their home. “A talan would be perfect… especially in the spring and summer,” he said softly. “You know I’ve never been in one… I know what they look like but never been in one,” he said happy to change the subject.
Haldir carefully steered their conversation away from Faramir and Gondor and Dorvane’s fears. He knew without a doubt that he would be returning here to live – and die – beside Dorvane. He only hoped that one day soon, Dorvane would believe that as well.
Chapter 25
When fall came and the final crop was harvested, Dorvane kept his promise. He and Haldir set out for Gondor just as planned months before. It was still difficult for Dorvane… even wearing Haldir’s ring he felt as if he was going to his own execution in some ways but tried to push those worries and doubts from his mind.
The trip itself was pleasant enough and when they arrived in Minas Tirith Dorvane had brought enough coins earned from their farming to stay in one of the Inns in the upper rings of the city. They made a few inquiries about what the protocol was to visit with the steward’s brother in the citadel and were awaiting word from a man who said he worked as a guard there if they could gain an audience with him though Haldir decided that perhaps he should meet alone with Faramir when the time came. Not because he didn’t want Dorvane to know what would be said, but because he feared Faramir may harm him if he did remember.
They were in the Inn for two days when the guard came and told them that Faramir would indeed meet with the Elf. Dorvane picked up Haldir’s cloak from a chair. “You’ll need this, it is cold today,” he said as he crossed the room to his lover. Beregond the guard had just left and Haldir was readying himself to go meet his former lover.
Now that they were in Minas Tirith, Haldir was a bit worried himself. He had, after all, sent Faramir away without any explanation… though had they discussed what Haldir had planned to offer their captor, he knew Faramir would have balked. And now, here they were, in the very city Faramir served, and Haldir knew he had much to explain. Even more worrisome than anything else, however, was the look in Dorvane’s eyes… as if he thought their every moment together would be their last.
He let Dorvane fuss over him, wrapping and fastening his cloak, and knew how difficult this had to be for his lover. “Thank you, guren. When I get back, perhaps we can snuggle in front of the fire. The innkeeper said he would send more wood up before lunch.”
If you get back. Dorvane smiled a little and nodded. “That sounds good, love,” he whispered. He started to step back but if this was going to be the last time he ever saw Haldir again then he should kiss him soundly, one last time. Pulling his lover close, Dorvane kissed him, tenderly at first and then more deeply pouring all of his love and even fear of losing his lover into the kiss as his tongue explored his lover’s mouth greedily. “I’ll be here waiting,” he said softly.
Haldir gave himself over to the kiss, feeling every bit of Dorvane’s intensity. He couldn’t’ blame his lover for feeling this way, and over the past weeks, every time their gazes had met and he’d seen that hint of fear behind dark eyes, he felt like the most selfish Elf on Arda. He wished he could let go of this need for a real goodbye, but deep down, no matter what he said or did, it would always haunt him… and Dorvane would always know that.
He pulled Dorvane against him and hugged him so tightly neither of them could breathe for a moment. “I love you, Dorvane, and I promise I won’t be gone long. I… I can never thank you enough for standing beside me while I do this, but I will spend the rest of my life trying.” With that he gently released his lover and backed to the door. “Once he understands, I can come back and get you if you like, or I can just talk with him and we can leave at first light tomorrow without you having to see him. It might be difficult for you both, so I won’t push either way.”“
Dorvane stared into earnest blue eyes and nodded. “I love you too and as I said I’ll be here waiting for you. I know why you have to do this… I do understand,” he said softly. “I think it would be harder for him than for me really… so I think the choice should be his.” Dorvane watched as Haldir opened the door and he too moved to the door and watched as Haldir disappeared down the hallway. I hope that wasn’t goodbye.
When Haldir had disappeared Dorvane went to the window to watch him go up the street and the sight he saw caused him to gasp aloud. Faramir had not waited for Haldir to come to him; instead he was standing in the small courtyard outside the Inn looking at Haldir as if he was the only person on Arda. He didn’t know how to react as he stood in the window watching, not able to hear their words and not sure how to handle this moment. His right hand clutched his left, rubbing intently at the ring on his finger and praying to the Valar that Haldir would return to him.
Haldir’s thoughts were so focused on his lover that it took him a moment to notice that he was being watched. He stopped short a few feet in front of the man staring at him and looked into the clear blue eyes that had haunted him for almost two years now. He couldn’t seem to breathe and his heart swelled in his chest as they both stood, speechless and staring for what seemed like forever. “Faramir,” he finally managed, his voice barely above a whisper. “It… is good to see you. You look well.” Even as he spoke, he fought the urge to open his arms to the man he’d called His Ranger, not knowing if Faramir was angry or hurt or… didn’t care at all anymore.
Faramir had been in shock when Beregond had come to him and told him that he thought that perhaps the Elf Faramir had searched for over two years ago now was here in the city. He had thought that Haldir was dead. When he had first regained his memories he went in search of the farm where he’d been held but he did not know where it was. His memories were intact but he had never seen the location or even where on Arda he’d been. He searched but to no avail and then he’d found it. The rubble in the woods of a large farm complex… it had burned to the ground. And with it any hopes of finding Haldir burned as well. Faramir felt Legolas squeeze his hand beside him and heard the soft whisper. “Say something, love.”
Faramir cleared his throat and nodded. “I… I thought… I thought you were dead,” he said softly and stepped forward, his husband releasing his hand so he could move closer to Haldir. He knew the time for introductions was not right now. “I missed you too, Haldir. You… you look well,” Faramir said softly still in shock at seeing the Elf again after so long.
Smiling, Haldir shook his head, feeling guiltier than ever that he hadn’t come to Gondor sooner. “You were never supposed to remember me,” he said softly. “Soon after I found that your memory would be restored after all, I heard you had married, and… I wasn’t sure I should even come.” He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his forehead. “I… just needed to wish you a proper goodbye. I told you goodbye once, but… you were asleep, and I don’t think you heard me.”
Faramir nodded. “I… I thought you were dead. After my memory came back I looked for you. Then I found the farm and it was burned… Legolas,” Faramir turned and looked toward his husband who was standing nearby still, “he came with me to look. It was difficult for him, my seeking for a former lover but I had to do it. When I found the farm though I thought for sure you had died and so a while after we returned we married. I have so many questions… you say you said goodbye to me but… why? Why was I released and why did you stay?”
Haldir looked down for a moment and shook his head, knowing that Legolas must love Faramir as much as Dorvane loved him to have helped him look. It was difficult seeing Faramir after all this time, and though the memories came flooding back, he wished for nothing more than to have Dorvane beside him, lending him his strength. Nodding toward a nearby bench, he looked back at Faramir and shrugged. “I knew you would need answers. That is another reason I’m here. Shall we sit down while I try to explain all that happened?”
Faramir nodded and looked back at Legolas for a moment who smiled tightly at him. “I do have a lot of questions,” Faramir conceded as he moved to the bench and sat down.
Legolas was nervous as he watched his husband walk away with the other Elf. He and Faramir had fallen in love before he had regained his memories and then once he did, Legolas had supported him while he searched for Haldir. It had been the most painful thing he had ever done until now. Beregond had said that Haldir had been in the company of a man and he had assumed he was Haldir’s mate from the way they touched one another. Looking up at the Inn he noticed someone on the second floor looking out the window intently at the bench where Faramir sat with Haldir. That must be Haldir’s lover. Silently, Legolas disappeared from the courtyard and into the Inn where he could go and speak with the man. He might not be able to help much but it would help him immensely to have someone who would understand how he felt.
Haldir sat down as well, and wondered where Faramir’s Elf had wandered off to. He didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable, and only now did he realize he hadn’t even said hello. “Where shall I begin?” he asked, softly. With the fire, or the night you left, or the two years since?”
“Start with the night I left, please. I… I remember making love and being so grateful we had a night together without pain and then I woke up in a forest and my brother found me… I didn’t know how I got there or where I had been… it was very… confusing,” Faramir said softly.
Nodding, Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat and began. “The day Dor… the guards almost killed you on that damnable wheel, I almost lost my mind. It was, in all my two thousand years up to that point, the worst experience of my life. I was selfish… and could not bear to go through that again, so… a few days later, I made an offer to Dorvane. If he would release you, I would give him the one thing he’d always wanted. I promised to be his lover, not his slave, if he freed you and promised that no harm would ever come to you. He granted us one last night together, then, true to his word, he set you free. I asked that you not remember me so you could go on with your life and not spend it trying to find me. And… honestly, I am glad you did. The Elf that was with you looks at you with such devotion in his eyes.”
Hearing what Haldir had to say was painful. Faramir did remember that day, in fact the memories that had flooded back so quickly that day had nearly broken him completely. The pain and loss had almost overwhelmed him but Legolas was the only one who could get through to him and save him from himself. “You gave yourself to that monster to spare me their torture? I… I understand it because I know how painful it was to watch you be hurt but Gods, Haldir… I am so sorry,” he said honestly with pain and compassion in his eyes. He scooted closer and took Haldir’s hand in his own. “The Elf is Legolas… he… he knows all about us and what we went through together. What about you? Please tell me you haven’t been alone… please tell me I have not hurt you by moving on.”
Haldir’s fingers curled around Faramir’s even as he internally winced at the word ‘monster.’ When he looked at the handsome Ranger beside him, he saw a dear, dear friend, someone he used to love, always would love, but not someone he was in love with any longer. “I have not been alone,” he said softly. “I never had any hope that you would remember me. For a long while, I dreamed of finding you, but my deal with Dorvane was that if I ever disobeyed him or tried to escape, he would kill you, so… I knew that as long as you never remembered me, you would find someone to love. You have too much love in you heart not to. Eventually… under the most bizarre of circumstances, I fell in love myself. In fact the man I love and I are engaged to be married soon, and we are very happy together. Much as you and your mate are, I believe.”
Faramir smiled when Haldir said he had found someone too and felt relief. He still loved Haldir but not in the same way he had then. Now it was a common bond, a shared experience, love born of pain and need for something pure in such a horrible situation. When he looked at Haldir now he saw a friend he cared for deeply but nothing more than that. He was grateful that he too had someone to love him and be loved by. “I am so happy for you, Haldir. I hope he takes wonderful care of you or he’ll have to answer to me,” Faramir said smiling genuinely at his former lover whom now he felt only a great affection for, like a deep friendship but not love in a romantic sense. “Now… tell me about the fire… what happened there after I… after I left?”
Meanwhile inside the room Dorvane shared with Haldir, the man stood in the window his eyes fixed on the sight of his lover talking to Faramir. His eyes were so fixed on the former couple that he didn’t see the Elf that had arrived with Faramir disappear. When he heard a knock on the door he considered not answering it in favor of remaining where he was unless this was the last time he would see his lover. The knock was insistent though and he sighed heavily as he crossed the room and pulled the door open. “What is it, I am busy right now,” he snapped, irritated at the interruption.
Chapter 26
Legolas smiled grimly and stepped inside the room uninvited. “Are they holding one another and looking deeply into each other’s eyes yet?” he asked, throwing himself on the nearest chair and staring dully out the window. “Or is that part coming up?” Remembering his manners as both a Prince of Mirkwood and the spouse of one of the most important men in Gondor, he stood and offered his hand. “I am sorry. I am Legolas, Faramir’s husband, and you look about as terrified as I feel right now.”
When the Elf just let himself into the room, Dorvane almost said something rather rude until the dejected looking thing threw himself into a chair and asked about ‘them’ and he realized who he was. He’d been the golden haired Elf standing next to Faramir. He swallowed hard and closed the door as he crossed the room and took his offered hand. “Pleased to meet you… I am… I am Haldir’s lover… we are engaged but… ,” he said simply, not sure what if anything Faramir had told his husband about the man who had tortured and nearly killed him and afraid to say that he worried that this Elf’s husband was about to take off with his own fiancé. “And… no they are were not when I looked away, they were holding hands and talking and… Gods, I’m miserable and glad to have some company who seems to understand.”
“Holding hands?” Legolas leaned forward, elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. “Why do they have to hold hands?” He loved Faramir, trusted him, but… what his husband had shared with Haldir, those unspeakable days of torture and humiliation tempered only by moments of love and comfort offered by the very Elf who was with him now… might mean more to him than the love that he and Faramir shared. And try as he might, he couldn’t hold anything against Haldir, for Faramir had said many times he wasn’t sure he would have survived without his then-lover’s care and commitment. He looked up at Haldir’s lover and studied him silently for a moment. “Are we losing them?” he asked softly.
“Gods I hope not,” Dorvane said crossing to the window where he had stood vigil before and looked out. His hands were shaking and to calm himself he clasped them together, the fingers of his right hand worrying at the ring on his left hand. He had not removed the ring since the day Haldir had given it to him almost 8 months ago. “They are still talking… still holding hands but… but that’s it. Maybe… maybe they are just talking, I imagine they have a lot to tell each other… Gods, this is killing me though. When he first mentioned needing to say a proper goodbye to Faramir… I… I didn’t protest but I wanted to. I know what they shared was special and I keep fearing it was more special than what he and I share.”
Legolas crossed the room as well and glanced out the window, wincing as he saw his husband holding hands with the other Elf. “I don’t understand what happened. Since the day Faramir’s memory returned, he worried about Haldir. How did Faramir manage to escape and Haldir didn’t? And why did he not remember any of this grand escape anyway?”
Dorvane stood there for a moment unsure how he should answer the questions or even if it was his place to do so. “There was dark magic being used in that place… darker than you could ever imagine. It is what erased his memory and he… didn’t escape… he was set free. Haldir sacrificed himself… to spare Faramir further torture,” Dorvane explained carefully, his nervous hands still working at the ring around his finger. Gods, even if Haldir did leave him today, he could not return the ring. He wouldn’t, even if it didn’t remind him of such a painful memory he would keep it to remind him how close he was to being happy.
“Oh Gods.” Legolas sat back down in his chair and closed his eyes. He felt more certain than ever that he was about to lose his husband, especially once he found out what Haldir had done for him. “This is going to be the longest afternoon of my life.”
“Tell me about it,” Dorvane muttered and rested his forehead against the windowpane as he watched the two former lovers speak.
Legolas felt like banging his head against… something. Hard. Instead, he frantically searched for something to keep his mind off what was happening just outside… and failed miserably. He noticed Haldir’s… lover? Husband? was toying with a ring and hoped that they too were bound – it would, at least make Haldir and Faramir running off into the sunset a bit more complicated if doing so would break up two marriages instead of just one. “Did you and Haldir bond or marry? I… I couldn’t help but notice the ring that you are… well… going to cut your finger off with if you don’t stop twisting it.”
Dorvane startled when Legolas said that he was going to cut his finger off and he dropped his hands to his side, though the thumb of his ring hand still moved against the band. “We… well… not exactly… well not officially anyway. We live in a very remote place and have been engaged almost 8 months now but we have not gone to a priest to have it done officially, though… we or at least I have felt married since the moment Haldir placed this ring on my finger. A ring… I mistakenly thought he’d gotten for Faramir.”
Stopping short, Legolas sucked in a sharp breath and studied the other man’s face in silence for a moment. “For… for… Faramir? Wh… Did Haldir lead you to believe that? Do you truly think he still loves my husband and came here to take him away from me? Faramir says that is ridiculous but if you think so too… Gods…”
“No… no, no… I am so sorry to worry you,” Dorvane said quickly, realizing that Legolas was just as terrified as he was about losing his mate. “It was my own insecurity really that day, the ring was most definitely for me… my name is engraved inside it. I just… I do fear that Haldir would like to be with him though, they… shared something very difficult together, it is… hard for me to see past that. What about Faramir? You are just as fearful as I am, do you think he would leave you?”
The Elf hesitated and looked down at the floor for a few moments before answering. “I think… I think he would not do it on a whim, because he is a good man, and I know he loves me,” he finally managed, swallowing the lump in his throat. “But what he and Haldir went through… I cannot imagine how they survived it. I don’t know how much you know about what happened, but it was… a nightmare. Once Faramir remembered, he had nightmares about it for months. I wonder if, as much as I love him, if Haldir might be able to help him more than I can to get past those nightmares. Why else would he have searched for this farm after his memories came back? And why else would they be… Gods? Be holding hands?”
Dorvane cringed when Legolas spoke of their time as slaves as a nightmare and he himself had been a large part of that. Dorvane was surprised when Legolas said that Faramir had searched for Haldir, he frowned deeply then and shook his head. “They were close once and I am sure if they are talking about their time as sl… as prisoners then they may need some sort of support… it… it is not as if they are kissing,” he said and then found himself looking out the window again to reassure himself that no, they were still talking.
Back in the courtyard Faramir waited for Haldir’s response to his question about what happened after he left and what caused the fire. Haldir looked decidedly unsure about how to word what he wanted to say. “Are you all right?” he asked softly, “I do not wish to stir up very painful memories if… if you cannot talk about that time I understand.”
“It is not that,” Haldir smiled, giving Faramir’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I just am not sure where to start.” He looked down for a moment, praying to the Valar Faramir would hear him out. “The night after you left, I was in Dorvane’s room. We… discussed the ground rules, I suppose you could say. In exchange for your safety, I told him he could do anything he liked to me. I would never fight him, and, as I had given him permission, I would not fade. Only… once I stopped fighting him… he stopped hurting me.”
When Haldir first started to tell him what happened Faramir frowned and felt his heart clench and his stomach knot. He was shaking his head but then he was surprised by his last statement. “So he didn’t hurt you? That’s… that is better than I expected you to say,” he said softly. “How did you get away from him? Were you still there when Saruman was killed? I’m sorry… forgive me for so many questions.” Faramir sighed realizing he was asking for a great deal of possibly painful memories for Haldir.
Haldir ignored the first question for the moment and answered the second. “I was with him when Saruman died. You see, after a while, I began to see a different side of Dorvane. For the longest time, it was like the man I was bound to then was a completely different person than the one who had hurt us both so badly. Then I found out why. Just as I was bound to Dorvane by a contract, he was bound to Saruman, only Saruman’s contract was in blood. He controlled Dorvane in so many ways, whispering lies, torturing him, convincing him to help build this undefeatable army. When he was angry, he would take it out on Dorvane, give him so much pain, he could only get relief by drawing blood from his slaves. Blood for blood, drop for drop. As the slaves bled, only then could Dorvane find any relief. Oh, the slaves were used so that the guards didn’t turn on each other as well, but for Dorvane’s part, he thought he had no other choice. One night, he came back to his rooms, bleeding and in such pain he could hardly stand. He couldn’t even make it to the slave’s quarters, he was so weak. I offered to let him take my blood, but he refused. You see, by this time, he’d realized that… the obsession he’d had for me when I was his slave had turned to love when I’d become his willing lover.” Without realizing it, Haldir was squeezing Faramir’s hand tightly, remembering Dorvane’s pain that night. “He was as much a victim as we were, Faramir. He only hid it better.”
As Haldir began to tell him about Dorvane and his being bound by Saruman and the blood… it was almost too much to believe, but he listened to his former lover and when he said Dorvane fell in love with Haldir, Faramir shook his head. “I cannot believe you are speaking in his defense,” Faramir said at first and then looked down. “He had no choice about what he did? When he raped us? Beat us? Drugged us? Almost killed me? None of it was him… it was all Saruman?” Faramir said in a voice that was obviously disbelieving.
“Saruman controlled him as surely as he controlled King Théoden,” Haldir explained. “The leather bands he always wore on his wrists… there are scars there, scars that Saruman used against him. He smothered the man Dorvane used to be, pushed him back so that there was only a tiny part of him left, and the man that hurt us… was nothing more than a puppet. Dorvane became horrified of the things he’d done, and more than once he begged my forgiveness. From the day you left until the day Saruman died, Dorvane struggled against Saruman’s control over him. He was kind to me in every way. And it cost him dearly, for he stopped hurting the slaves, and chose to suffer rather than make them bleed.” He met Faramir’s gaze steadily and thought carefully about what he needed to say next. “The day Saruman died, everyone under his control died as well. One minute, Dorvane was himself – the man he used to be before Saruman bewitched him – and the next, he lay dying in my arms. He told me to leave, to go find you, that I was free.”
The man Faramir remembered would never choose his own pain over that of the slaves. He frowned deeply then as Haldir went on and he knew that at that point had Haldir come to him he wasn’t sure if he could have handled all of this. “And so he died and you moved on with… with one of the other slaves? And the fire?”
Haldir chose his next words carefully. “Please understand, Faramir, that he was not the man you remembered. And know that even then, a year after you’d left, that I still loved you. I thought about you often, and a part of me still belonged to you. That part will always love you, but… but Dorvane didn’t die that day and I did not move on with another slave.” Blue eyes met blue eyes and Haldir held Faramir’s hand even more tightly so he wouldn’t pull away. “I couldn’t leave him, Faramir, and I couldn’t let him die because… I had fallen in love with him. He – Dorvane – is the man I hope to marry.”
To say Faramir was shocked was an understatement. He simply sat there for a moment trying to take in the information and stared wide-eyed at Haldir. “Dorvane is the man you are in love with?” he could hardly think to speak and simply gaped at him. “How could you… how could you fall in love with him, even if… even if he were being controlled all that time, after all he did to hurt you, to hurt me… all of us there… Gods, Haldir… how can you look at him and not see all the pain he put you through?”
“Because,” Haldir said softly, “I can look at him and know that his pain was as great as ours. I do not love the man that held us prisoner, Faramir, I love the man who lay writhing on the floor in pain rather than willingly take one drop of my blood. The man who lost everyone he loved and was manipulated by Saruman and bit by bit, was losing his very soul. I love the man he is now, the one who rides into the villages at night to deliver food to the families he hurt and shies away from people because of the guilt he still feels for what he did… that is the man I love… not the one he used to be.” He rested his free hand on Faramir’s arm and shook his head. “He is here with me, Faramir, terrified that I am going to leave him for you. He is to me, I believe, what your husband is to you.”
As Haldir spoke, Faramir was surprised by the conviction in his voice. Dorvane had suffered just like they had; Haldir had seen the private side of the man who so often hurt them. What would he have thought witnessing that side of things? Faramir took a deep breath as Haldir grasped his arm lightly and said Dorvane was there. A part of him wanted to reject the very idea of that monster he remembered being in his city, being near Haldir now but most of all the look on Haldir’s face convinced him it was all true. “He… he is here… I… I cannot completely understand it all but… I was not there, I did not live what you lived. I do not think you would choose a man who was intentionally cruel though. If he was controlled by Saruman’s magic like Théoden was… then I can understand to a point at least. But again as I said before if he ever treats you poorly or hurts you, I’ll hunt him down,” Faramir said firmly.
“He would never hurt me, and I must say the same for your husband if he hurts you. An Elf fight is not a pretty thing to see… all that hair flying you know.” Haldir smiled and glanced toward the Inn, but the sun was shining at the window and he couldn’t see if Dorvane was looking at them or not. His expression turned serious as he thought about how afraid Dorvane had looked when they’d said goodbye. “You asked about the fire… he and I burned the farm to the ground. He wanted to make sure no one was ever hurt there again, and we both needed to do it to close the door on the past. After it burned, we just headed toward the mountains and found a home.”
Faramir smiled when Haldir teased about an Elf fight and knew Legolas would defend him in just the same way. He watched as Haldir’s gaze went to the window overlooking the courtyard and then looked back at the Elf he had made so many plans with in that prison to get him through. A happy ending he had now but with someone else. As Haldir spoke of the fire he could hear the finality in his voice, that somehow burning the farm had given him and his lover closure of some kind and now this… seeing each other again was another step toward putting the past behind them all. “I have a hard time believing the change in Dorvane but… but you look healthy and seem happy to me. You are? Truly happy then?” Faramir asked needing to see the honesty in Haldir’s eyes.
Their gazes met and Haldir didn’t flinch. “I am. I love him as much as I once hated him, if that makes any sense.” The Elf smiled, pushing back the memories of the bad things that happened in favor of all the good memories… so, so very many good memories. “And you? Your Elf makes you happy as well? That was the main reason I came… to make sure the rumors were true, that you had wed and were in love. And I needed you to forgive me for not saying a proper goodbye.”
Faramir was relieved to see the honesty he was searching for and smiled. “I am very happy… Legolas was there for me when the memories came flooding back. It… one minute I had lost almost three months of my life and suddenly I remembered them all, every moment, the pain, the love we shared, the hope you gave me in my darkest time. To say I felt guilty that I had fallen in love with Legolas was an understatement… and I went in search of you. I know it broke his heart to do it but he went with me and when we found the burned farm I thought you were dead. Less than a month later Legolas asked me to marry him. He had been planning to before my memories came back in fact. And… I think we can say we forgive each other for moving on. We had no choice, what we had was beautiful, Haldir, and I will cherish it for the rest of my life. You saved me, more than offering yourself in my place, you saved me all those days before. You kept me from giving up and from breaking and I will always, always love you for that.”
Haldir blinked back tears and released Faramir’s hand to hug him. “It was beautiful, wasn’t it?” he asked softly. “I will always love you too, Faramir, and remember the times we laughed and loved, rather than the times we cried and were in pain.” He drew away and shook his head. “I think you and I would have been happy together, had we escaped. I think we would have had a wonderful life, a happy marriage, and would have been devoted to one another for as long as we lived. That didn’t happen, thanks to Saruman, but I think we both ended up with those wonderful lives… just with different people.” He glanced toward the Inn again, still unable to see inside. “Would you like to see him, Faramir, see the man he is now… the man I love? Or is it still too painful?”
Faramir returned the hug almost fiercely. He no longer was in love with Haldir but he still cared deeply for this Elf who had endured so much and had befriended him and offered him love and a light in so much darkness at a time when Faramir most needed it. “I do remember the happy moments,” Faramir said softly. “I think we would have been happy too,” Faramir said softly and then pulled back to look into Haldir’s eyes. “And you are just as beautiful as I remember,” he added, smiling as he gazed into bright blue eyes. It took him a moment to release Haldir after he spoke of meeting Dorvane and he looked down for a moment. “A part of me wants to say no but I think I need to see this ‘changed man’ you are talking about. I want to see with my own eyes that you truly are with a man who treats you as you should be treated and loves you the way you deserve to be loved.”
Faramir’s embrace was just as sweet as Haldir had remembered. Even after all this time and all that had happened, Faramir was still just as protective toward Haldir as the Elf was to him, which said a lot considering just how short their time together had really been. He stood, offered Faramir his arm, and nodded toward the Inn. “He is waiting there, certain that I will not come back to him.” Haldir smiled sadly and studied Faramir’s face as they walked. “Please try and find it in your heart to be kind to him, Faramir. He is still wounded, maybe more so than you and I. He still bears Saruman’s scars both on the inside and out… and to this day he swears he does not deserve me. I know he is wrong… I just haven’t managed to convince him of that yet.”
Faramir’s first instinct upon thinking Dorvane the man who had tortured so many was in his city was to have the man arrested and hanged but Haldir seemed so happy and so certain the man was no longer the same. He stood with him and walked beside the Elf, his arm looped through Haldir’s not in a need to touch him but to offer friendly support. It wouldn’t be easy for Haldir to see the worry in his lover’s eyes; Faramir had seen that same worry in Legolas’ eyes as well. “I think my husband sought out your lover… I saw him out of the corner of my eye disappear into the Inn…”
Legolas stood next to the window, eyes closed, and arms wrapped around himself. He was exhausted from pacing, and though it killed him to look out the window, he couldn’t seem to stop himself either. “They hugged,” he moaned, backing away from the window and pacing again. “Not a quick one either. They’ll probably kiss next… I… I can’t look. I’ve lost him… He told me I wouldn’t but… they hugged. If they had broken up, it wouldn’t be so hard, but… they didn’t. They were torn apart, and who can blame them for wanting each other again? I mean… look at them! They look beautiful together! WHY do they have to look beautiful together?”
Dorvane was in much the same agitated state as Legolas. He stood with his fingers curled into his palms, his nails biting into the flesh just to keep him from going crazy. They always did look beautiful together. Of course Legolas had not known that Dorvane had witnessed the two of them pleasuring each other for his ‘entertainment’ each time wishing he was the one that Haldir looked at that way… now he was the one Haldir gave those looks to but what if not any longer? “The hug… could just be goodbye… Haldir wanted to say goodbye,” Dorvane offered lamely and looked over at the distraught Elf. He wanted with everything in him to fight for Haldir but he knew it would only destroy him. When he looked back though the pair were gone.
Panicked, Dorvane leaned closer to the window, searching for any sign of the couple. “They’re gone,” he said looking back at Legolas who looked as if he was about to collapse.
“G… gone?” The Elf knew at that moment his whole world had ended. “They… didn’t even say goodbye, but… I suppose one can’t blame them…” He swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped at his eyes, determined not to break down in front of this stranger… though he, if anyone, would understand. “What… what do we do now?”
Dorvane stood there staring at the Elf, not sure what to say. Curl up in a ball and cry would be one thing but he couldn’t suggest that. Before he could answer the door to the room opened and he stood there, staring at his lover and the man he was certain he’d lost him to. All the color drained out of Dorvane’s face as Faramir seemed to stare right through him for a moment and he couldn’t bring himself to speak.
Faramir was prepared for seeing Dorvane, or at least thought he was. When the door opened he was almost rooted in place as he stared at the man he had hated with a passion. He did not look the same though. That hardness that he remembered around his mouth and eyes was not there. He was not dressed in black as he always had been and at the moment he looked so frightened that it was almost heartbreaking to look at him. He released his hold on Haldir’s arm after releasing he was practically clinging to the Elf and crossed the room to his husband who looked ready to burst into tears. “Oh, love do not cry,” he whispered, as the first tear appeared shining at the corner of Legolas’ eye. “I just wanted to…” he looked up at Dorvane who looked completely lost, “just wanted to meet Haldir’s fiancé is all.”
Haldir’s heart broke as well as he looked at Dorvane. The man looked miserable and afraid, and as if his entire world had just crashed down around him. As Faramir released his arm, Haldir went to his fiancé and wrapped both arms around him, vaguely hearing Faramir’s words and thankful that at least for now, he wasn’t going to tell Legolas who he was. “Guren,” he whispered, pressing his lips to Dorvane’s cheek, “I told you I would be back. It just took a bit longer for me to explain things than I had expected.” Keeping his arm around his lover, he turned back to Faramir, studying his face carefully. “And you, Legolas, forgive my lack of manners. I did not mean to ignore you earlier, I was just… a bit overwhelmed. I am so used to having D… this handsome man by my side, I sometimes forget my manners when I am alone.”
Dorvane was so grateful when Haldir wrapped his arms around him, he thought he might simply sink to the floor right then. His lips brushed against his mate’s cheek and lips and he nodded as he spoke. “I… I was so afraid of losing you to the one thing I could not fight,” he whispered softly as he held him. When Haldir turned to speak to the others in the room, Dorvane refused to let him go, his arms staying around Haldir’s waist and noticed that Legolas was doing much the same to Faramir.
Legolas looked up and offered a somewhat tearful smile. “Nothing to forgive,” he said softly, “I understood and in moments like that introductions are the last thing on anyone’s mind… and I do not blame you. Your fiancé loves you… he loves you very much,” Legolas said offering an understanding smile to Dorvane.
Faramir looked from his husband to Dorvane then and realized the two had somehow bonded as they waited in this room. Like two condemned men waiting for their sentences to be handed down he supposed. He pulled Legolas just a bit tighter against him, his fingers running over the matching wedding band on his finger. He looked at Dorvane. Really looked at the man. “Take care of him… take care of him or I’ll find you and… I think you understand what I mean,” Faramir said not willing to upset Legolas any further. He’ll be surprised enough that he was commiserating in the same room with the man who had almost killed Faramir… though somehow this was not at all the same man Faramir remembered. He smiled then and offered his hand to him. “Love can do wondrous things can it not?” he asked knowing that Dorvane would understand exactly what he meant.
Nodding in understanding of Faramir’s “threat” and grateful beyond words that the man was offering his hand and not demanding he be hanged before the day was out, that Dorvane slowly released his hold on Haldir’s hip and took Faramir’s in a firm handshake. “It certainly can,” he answered simply as they pulled away from each other again.
Haldir’s shoulders sagged in relief as he saw that Faramir was keeping things easy and civil between them, though the thinly veiled threat made him smile. “I could not agree more,” he said softly, pressing a kiss against Dorvane’s temple as he nodded his thanks to Faramir. “And you don’t have to worry, Faramir. He has taken care of me for a long while now, and I of him. I do not foresee that ever changing, no matter what may come our way.” His gaze traveled to Legolas and he decided that he liked the Elf… that he was very good for Faramir. “And I have no doubt that you, Legolas will take care of this stubborn Ranger. I can see it in your eyes.”
Legolas laughed and nodded. He should, he knew, reach out and rest his hand on Haldir’s shoulder in acknowledgement, but he couldn’t seem to let go of Faramir. Haldir smiled, however, as if he understood, and he seemed to have no intention of letting go of his lover either, so it was just as well.
Faramir stood for another moment, looking at Haldir and in that moment he was finally able to put the ghosts of his past to rest and imagined it was the same for the Elf. “When do you return home?” Faramir asked even as his arms wrapped back around his husband and held him close.
Dorvane looked at Haldir and back to the other couple. “We have not discussed it but we do need to return home soon, we left our farm in the care of another and he has enough to deal with than having to tend our place,” Dorvane said after a moment. “We… we live in a valley near the village of Leigh.”
Faramir nodded and smiled. “It is beautiful there. We must return to the citadel, I have duties to attend to but… you are welcome here in Minas Tirith as long as you like.”
Though they had not left the Inn for the past two days, Haldir suddenly found himself exhausted. He’d waited so long to talk to Faramir and now that it was over, he felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He would love a good night’s sleep and a good meal, but as he looked at Dorvane’s still-haunted eyes, he shook his head, letting his hand run over his lover’s lower back. “We should leave after lunch, I think,” he said, knowing that their quick exit would ease both Dorvane’s and Legolas’ minds. “The Innkeeper promised something warm and tasty. I think we could get several leagues away before nightfall tonight. We really should get back home as soon as possible.”
Understanding that they needed to get back to their farm, Faramir smiled. “Good luck to you both then,” he smiled as he looked at Legolas and back at the other couple, “we wish you well. Goodbye, Haldir,” Faramir said softly, knowing the words simply needed to be said this time.
Haldir knew he would never see Faramir again, though they would remain friends forever. He would miss him, but simply didn’t have it in him to put Dorvane through this ever again. “Goodbye, Faramir. We wish you and Legolas all the best.” Their gazes held for a moment, and more passed between them than words could ever say. They both looked away at the same moment, back to the ones they loved. Smiling at Dorvane, Haldir reached up and gently tugged at a lock of his hair. “Now… I think you promised me a cuddle in front of the fire before lunch, didn’t you, guren?”
Dorvane smiled when Haldir tugged at his hair. “I did, love… I did,” he whispered and saw the other couple head to the door. He wanted to say he was sorry to Faramir but wasn’t sure if it would make any sense at all to his husband. He decided that this would be his only chance. “Faramir?”
The man stopped and looked back at him and Dorvane gave him a heartfelt look. “I… am sorry.”
Faramir nodded. “So am I… Saruman did horrible things to many people. I understand that better than most.” With that the man and his husband left the room, closing the door gently behind them.
“I was so afraid you had left with him, I turned from the window for only a moment because… Legolas was about to have some sort of panic attack when you hugged and… and you were gone and I thought… Gods, I thought I was going to go mad,” Dorvane admitted.
Loving hands framed Dorvane’s face and Haldir pressed a soft kiss to his lips to quiet him. “Do you know what I was thinking as I explained everything to him?” he asked softly, letting his thumb run over his lover’s lips.
Shaking his head, Dorvane stared into loving eyes. “No.” he whispered.
“That I needed you beside me,” Haldir murmured. He gently tucked Dorvane’s dark hair behind his ears and smiled. “I needed your strength, your touch, I just needed you, Dorvane. When I saw Faramir, I remembered so much… and I knew he and I would be friends forever, though we shall never see one another again. But more than anything, even while we were talking, I was wishing you were beside me.”
Dorvane smiled in return and pulled Haldir even closer as he rested his head against the Elf’s. “I am so grateful that you are here right now,” he whispered. “I would have liked to have been with you but… Gods, I’m not sure he would have been able to handle seeing me suddenly like that. If I were him I am not sure I would have handled everything as he did today… I can… I can see why you were attracted to him in the first place,” Dorvane admitted. The man certainly had a gentleness about him and a kindness that not many in this world had.
“He is a good man,” Haldir agreed, brushing a kiss over his lover’s lips. “And I will always care for him. But he is not you,. I am in love with you, and my life is by your side. I know you have had trouble believing that, but it’s true.”
Understanding what Haldir meant about always caring for Faramir, he smiled as his lover went on. “I think that I am starting to really understand that now. I… before, I sort of thought,” Dorvane paused and looked down. “I thought that perhaps you were only with me because you knew you couldn’t have him.”
Haldir felt his very heart hurt at Dorvane’s admission. “If that had been the case, I would have left the day Saruman died. There was no one to stop me, I knew Faramir would have his memory back, and I could have walked right out that door and made my way to Gondor.” He tilted his lover’s face back up and forced Dorvane to meet his gaze. “You have never, ever been second in my heart. From that day on, you have been the only one I wanted, the only one I loved, and the only one I wanted to be with.”
Dorvane felt tears gather in his eyes and hugged Haldir fiercely. “I love you,” he said simply unable to say anything else beyond the lump in his throat. For long moments he held Haldir, simply breathing in the scent of his skin and hair that he loved so much and finally took a deep steadying breath. “I am so grateful for that love and I promise you I will never take it for granted. You did more than save my life that day… you saved my soul.”
Lifting Dorvane up off the ground, Haldir felt long legs wrap around his waist and he held his lover tightly. “Oh, love, the only thing I did was love you with all my heart. If that’s what saved you, then I couldn’t help myself.” He sat down on the edge of the hearth and buried his face against Dorvane’s neck, marking him gently. “You don’t mind if, until we get married, I show the world that you’re taken, do you?” he murmured, licking at the warm skin that was already beginning to turn a dark purple. “Beside the ring, I mean. I don’t want there to be any doubt that you’re loved and wanted.”
Surprised by Haldir’s enthusiasm, Dorvane wrapped himself around his lover as he was carried to the hearth and he sighed softly as loving lips moved against his neck. Leaning back to give his lover more access he grinned. “I would be glad to bear your mark,” he teased, feeling the tension in his body melting away. He had been terrified when Haldir was meeting with Faramir, and now he felt like an idiot for it. Legolas, whom he’d commiserated with, probably felt much the same himself.
Almost growling and suddenly feeling insanely possessive, Haldir pulled Dorvane even closer and marked him again. As he shifted on the hearth, he could feel the ring at the base of his sex, the golden piercing that only the two of them knew about, the jewel that Dorvane had been surprised Haldir had wanted to keep.
He pulled away, tilted his head back and urged his lover’s lips against his skin. “Mark me as yours for the world to see,” he ground out, shifting his hips again and grinding his hips against Dorvane’s.
As Dorvane took in Haldir’s words he felt heat stab through him and wasted no time at all doing exactly what his lover asked of him. His lips fastened on Haldir’s neck and he began to work the skin between his teeth and then soothing with his tongue as his hands wound into his lover’s hair. The weight of the ring on his finger seemed to make his heart warm in his chest. Haldir had truly chosen him.
Haldir’s eyes closed and both arms held his lover in a tight embrace and he felt the sting and then soothing warmth of sharp teeth and a soft, wet tongue moving over his skin. “Tomorrow,” he murmured, tilting his head to the other side to he could be marked there as well, his body now almost panting for air as Dorvane made him want more. “Marry me tomorrow. I tried to find a priest in the town we stopped at yesterday, but he was nowhere to be found. He will be waiting on us tomorrow night thought… if you will still have me. I am tired of waiting. I want to be your husband… I want it to be official and I want everyone to know it.”
Dorvane actually moaned when Haldir spoke of being married the very next day. Officially. “And I would be proud to be yours,” Dorvane said softly as he drew back from his task of marking his lover. They had discussed it many times before, but never really had the opportunity to officially wed. He kissed Haldir again, letting his lover know exactly how happy he was. “Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.”
Sighing into the warmth of his lover’s mouth, Haldir held him close and let him simply explore for as long as he wanted… which was a very long time indeed. They had to pull away for air several times, but their lips always seemed to find their way back to one another’s, even amid wedding plans and hands that explored greedily as if they didn’t already know one another’s bodies as well as they knew their own. They were startled when their lunch was delivered, and Haldir couldn’t resist telling the innkeeper’s son who brought in their food that they were getting married the next day. He told the woman who brought them towels and later, even the servants who brought them buckets of warm water for their bath. His only regret was that they hadn’t married sooner – so he could have at least saved Dorvane the angst and worry he’d suffered earlier that day while Haldir had talked with Faramir. Haldir had no doubts as to whom he wanted to marry, and indeed, if he’d had the rings on the day Dorvane had practically risen from the dead, he would have proposed then.
But tomorrow… all that would be remedied. Tomorrow, they would be married and there would be no more doubts. And he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure that Dorvane never once questioned how much he was loved.
Chapter 27
When Haldir and Dorvane arrived at the village where Haldir had made the arrangements with the priest it seemed everything happened quickly. The wedding itself had been short and simple though their kiss to seal their bond was not quite so short or simple. The priest was blushing when they had finally drawn apart again and the pair thanked him before they left.
The Inn they were staying that night was small and quiet, not a lot of travelers on the road this time of year and it made it seem more inviting than just any other roadway Inn. When they reached the second floor where they would be staying, Dorvane had found that he simply could not keep from kissing Haldir. His husband. All those years ago his life had nearly been destroyed by an arranged marriage and now here he was married to the Elf who had captured his heart and saved him in more ways than anyone could possibly imagine. Their lips were sealed against one another’s yet again even as Dorvane opened the door behind him, pulling Haldir into the room and kicking the door shut with his foot. “Gods, I love you,” he murmured when he pulled away for breath.
Haldir’s face was flushed and his lips swollen and red as he regarded Dorvane with sparkling eyes. It was true, what he told Faramir – as much as he’d hated Dorvane years ago, he loved him just as much now. His hands wandered beneath a soft tunic tunic and rested at the small of his lover’s back, keeping him close as Haldir began to move slowly across the room, humming an old Elven love song he’d suddenly remembered. “And I love you,” he whispered, burying his face against Dorvane’s neck and pressing a kiss just beneath his ear. “And already, I love being your husband… and dancing with you…”
When Haldir began to hum a lovely song and then began to dance, Dorvane wasn’t sure what to think. It had been years since he had danced but he did his best to follow his husband’s lead, though not nearly as gracefully. The soft hum of Haldir’s voice made warmth flood through Dorvane when he realized how truly happy his Elf was. Because of him. He closed his eyes in pleasure for a moment as his hands began to explore, slipping underneath Haldir’s tunic and against smooth perfect skin. “I love being your husband… and I can get used to the dancing,” he teased and drew back a little to look in his lover’s eyes. “I never thought I would ever be this happy… I feel like I don’t deserve it after everything I did,” he whispered seriously.
Haldir let his fingers trail lightly over Dorvane’s face as he shook his head. “You deserve happiness as much, if not more than anyone else in that horrible place where we met,” he said softly. “You were a victim, just as all the other slaves were. While we could escape into our own minds, you could not even do that, could you?” He frowned, trying to imagine how it would feel to be controlled both mentally and physically. “You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I am honored that you are letting me help bring it to you.”
Dorvane still wasn’t certain he deserved happiness though he had to admit he was extremely happy. Haldir was right, he’d had no choice, for seventeen years he was Saruman’s puppet, doing things that horrified the real Dorvane that was hidden deep inside but with no control to stop it. “And I am honored that you chose me and can only hope to give you as much happiness…” his whispered words trailed off as he kissed Haldir again. It seemed he couldn’t stop kissing the Elf, his husband. Gods, it was too good to be true yet here they were. Dorvane moved then, pulling Haldir with him even as they continued to kiss, and spun them toward the bed. “I need you,” he murmured.
Lowering them both to the bed, Haldir tugged off his tunic and lay on his back, then pulled Dorvane down to lie on top of him. “You have me,” he murmured, tugging Dorvane’s tunic over his head and smiling as soft dark hair fell around his face and neck. His hands moved over thickly muscled biceps and down over smooth, dark skin, stopping when his fingers felt the brown leather bands around Dorvane’s wrists that covered the scars from both his attempt to end his life all those years ago as well as the marred skin where Saruman’s wrist bands had marked him. He looked up into brown eyes that were dark with desire, and knew his lover would know what he was talking about. “Are you ever going to take these off?” he whispered.
Dorvane smiled as Haldir pulled him down onto the bed, and watched possessively as he tugged off his tunic. Gods but Haldir was beautiful. Dorvane’s own complexion was naturally darker, where Haldir’s was pale and ethereal… almost glowing in the soft light of the room. His light golden hair was fanned out on the pillow beneath him and his lips were red from Dorvane’s own kisses. It was easy to see why Dorvane had become so taken with the Elf, even when he was controlled by Saruman his desire for Haldir had always been there, only now he wanted to love him and share with him not possess him. He loved the way that Haldir looked at him when he removed his tunic. It was a look of desire and love, a combination that no one had ever looked at him with not even before his life had taken such a dark turn. He almost startled when Haldir’s fingers touched his wrists and asked about removing them. “I… I had not planned on it,” he admitted cautiously.
Haldir turned so that they were lying side by side, desire and passion still building in him, warring with the need to reassure his lover as well. He brought Dorvane’s right hand up between them and pressed his lips over the soft leather band in a gentle kiss. “You have no need to wear them,” he said softly. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He hadn’t seen them since before they’d left the farm. As Dorvane had begun to heal, Haldir had tended to him devotedly, but after a few days; his lover began binding his wrists himself, and had done so ever since. “Why do you wear them, even when you are only with me?”
“I… I thought that seeing the scars would be… unpleasant and… and that you’d rather not remember. Part of it is shame for what I did… and part is because people will know… will just assume why I have those scars, one does not get scars like that from battle. They’d be right but I don’t want their pity,” Dorvane said softly. “So… so I wear them… and… honestly after seventeen years of having them covered in some way I… I grew used to it I guess,” he wasn’t sure if he was doing a very good job explaining why he hadn’t removed them since they’d begun to heal.
Long Elven fingers ran lightly over the bands as Haldir thought about what Dorvane was saying. “You thought the scars would remind me of things I had rather not remember?” he asked in surprise. “Oh, meleth, no… and I don’t think they would make anyone pity you either. When I see those bands, I think how very much they look like the ones that were used to hurt you, and it pains me to remember that. The scars, however… You have not let me see them, but no matter how bad they are, they will remind me of how lucky am I to have fallen in love with a man who has such strength… strength to defy death to be with me.” He lifted the other hand up and placed a kiss to that wrist as well. “I think anyone who saw them would think the same, especially since they know how powerful Saruman was, and how almost no one who was under his control survived.” Their gazes met and the Elf then pressed his lips against his husband’s. “I am proud to be your husband, Dorvane, with or without your scars. I only wish you didn’t feel you needed to protect me from seeing them, or protect yourself from pity. You have my everlasting love, not my pity… never that.”
Dorvane nodded when his husband questioned him about the scars but he cringed when Haldir said they reminded him of Saruman’s bands that had been on him for so very long, causing him pain almost every single day. “If… if I let you remove them… if you are disgusted by them… will you tell me? I need to know you will be honest with me about this… I… I hate looking at them, I hate knowing what I did to end up taking Saruman’s ‘deal’ I need to know… that you are not bothered by them once you see them,” Dorvane said softly. It was a big step for him, not hiding this part of himself he was so ashamed of, but if Haldir wanted it then he would because quite simply he would do anything for the Elf.
Haldir knew that nothing he could see would hurt him as much as Dorvane’s fear, yet he also knew that there was no way to convince him of that until he’d at least seen what was beneath the bands. He remembered all too well what they had looked like when he’d last seen them, raw and weeping, Saruman’s damnable bands having pulled most of the skin away when they were removed, just as the wizard had probably wished for them to do. Rather than try and ply Dorvane with reassurances he was certain not to believe, Haldir simply let his thumb run over his lover’s knuckles and nodded. “I will be completely honest with you,” he promised.
Dorvane closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and then opened them again. It had not been an easy decision for him but knowing that Haldir would be honest and knowing that he was loved at least made it just a little bit easier. He trusted Haldir, and that perhaps made all of the different in the world. “All right…” he whispered, turning his hand over so Haldir could unlace the first band.
The Elf’s heart swelled with love and a fierce protectiveness as Dorvane so trustingly held out this arm. No matter how badly they were scarred, Haldir didn’t care; he only wanted Dorvane to be free of this, the last reminder of Saruman. In time, Haldir hoped that without the bands, the scars would remind Dorvane of his strength and goodness, of the love that literally brought him back from the edge of death and had given him a second chance at living. He slowly began unlacing the tiny leather laces, not looking at the wrist just yet; instead simply holding his husband’s gaze, letting his conviction and adoration clearly be seen in his expression. When the last lace was unfastened, Haldir nodded, waiting for permission before looking.
Dorvane had never felt more vulnerable in his life than at that moment when he felt the last lace give way. He rarely removed them, on the rare occasion he bathed alone he did, but even with Haldir he had worn them. Always. And now here he was, letting the one person who’s opinion mattered the most to him to see what was his ultimate shame. Not just what Saruman had done but what he himself had done seventeen years ago when he was young and foolish and so distraught. He was certain then he would never know love that no one could love him and now that he’d found love he was terrified of losing it. He closed his eyes for just a moment as Haldir waited for permission and he dragged in a shaky breath and then opened his eyes slowly to gaze into Haldir’s. He nodded slightly and found he couldn’t look himself. He couldn’t look down at the reminders of the pain he’d endured.
Blue eyes slowly lowered and Haldir saw the extent of what Saruman had physically put Dorvane through for seventeen years. The back of his wrist was smooth and hairless, the skin a bit paler than his normally dark complexion. It in itself was not nearly as noticeable as the wristbands. The underside of his wrist, however, was healed, though badly scarred, almost as if a wild animal had torn into it. He had no way of knowing that, as bad as they looked now, they were still healing, and had been for months. The bands Saruman had fitted Dorvane with, Haldir now knew, had had rows and rows of vicious little teeth. They always bit into the skin, but when Saruman wanted blood, or punishment, a powerful spell would cause the teeth to grind together and bite much deeper, ravaging not only skin, but the muscles and veins as well. No wonder Dorvane lost so much blood each time he visited the wizard, Haldir thought, realizing that the band must have had a spell that would prevent Dorvane from dying unless Saruman willed it as well – to prolong the torture for as long as he wanted. The pain had to have made his lover feel as if he were losing his mind… and there was nothing he could do about it… nothing at all. The skin had healed, leaving behind dozens of tiny white scars covering misshapen veins and destroyed muscle.
Carefully, Haldir ran his index finger over the marred skin, soothing and exploring, feeling each ridge of scar tissue, down to the original one that Dorvane himself had made. When he finished, he pressed his lips against his husband’s wrist and then looked up. “As I said, guren, they remind me of your strength,” he said softly. “Your strength and the goodness you had to possess to overcome such a monstrous device.”
Dorvane did not flinch until Haldir’s fingers rested against the original scar he had made himself. His ultimate shame and what had brought him to what he’d become. He swallowed hard as Haldir spoke, surprised by the devotion and love he saw shining in the blue depths of his husband’s eyes. He did not consider himself strong at all. At the time he’d worn Saruman’s bands he had thought himself a fool, and merely surviving didn’t seem all that much of an accomplishment to him. Yet here he was, happy and married and with the most gorgeous husband he could ever wish for even in his wildest of dreams. “They remind me of pain… not my own… the pain I put you and all the other slaves through because I had no choice, no free will of my own… that… that is my greatest failure and he knew that. He knew I was ashamed of trying to take my own life, only regretting it when it was too late. He knew he could control me with that… and so he did. I should have refused his offer… but I would have died and I was… I had discovered I was afraid to die,” Dorvane said sadly, tears stinging his eyes.
“You were young, meleth… and made a mistake. We learn from our mistakes, you know that, but we cannot dwell on them forever.” Haldir’s fingers moved over the ravaged skin again, gently stroking as he talked, and then slowly began to unlace the second band. “Gods, I am glad you didn’t die when you tried to, or I would never have found you. And if I had never found you, I would have missed out on the most beautiful part of my life.” The left wrist looked much like the right. Haldir kissed and stroked it as well as he continued. “I don’t want this to remind you of any pain… mine or yours. I want us to forget everything that happened before that kiss – that first one I gave you as your lover, not your slave, and to pretend we had only met that day, and were already well on our way to falling in love by that evening.”
Dorvane knew Haldir was right, he couldn’t dwell or Saruman would truly have won in the end. He had to live his life and keep going and thankfully by some wonderful twist of fate he had found someone who loved him despite it all. “I would love to forget… is there some sort of Elven trick you can show me to help me learn how to forget?” Dorvane asked softly. He was serious though at the same time teasing just a little as they normally did. It helped Dorvane relax a little more by doing so, giving him something to focus on besides his fears.
Haldir seriously considered suggesting they track down Gandalf and ask him that very question, however, for now, he had another, better idea in mind. “There is a trick, actually,” he murmured, rolling Dorvane over on his back and sliding his hand down the front of his lover’s breeches at the same time. “It’s called the art of distraction.” His head dipped down and he caught a dark nipple between his teeth just as his hand wrapped around Dorvane’s length. He worried the hard nub with his mouth and began stroking the flesh in his hand, feeling the tension melt away almost at once. “Of course, I wi’ll need to do a lot of distracting to make it work completely, and once the treatment has begun, there’s no stopping it. I might have to do this several times a week, or even multiple times each day…”
Haldir’s idea was certainly better in Dorvane’s eyes. He was smiling when his lover whispered to him. “I think I like this type of art as well…” he grinned. If anyone ever asked him the question if he was an art lover in the future he would probably have a difficult time not laughing with remembrance of this moment but it would be worth the odd looks he’d be given, he was sure of that. He gasped as sharp teeth nipped at him gently, his hips rocking up to meet his husband’s touch. “A lot of distracting… is exactly what you are,” he murmured as his fingers threaded through soft golden hair.
“Only to you, love,” Haldir murmured, “only to you.” Releasing Dorvane’s arousal only long enough to unlace his breeches and slide them down long legs as they both toed off their boots, Haldir continued worrying the now sensitive nipple, then moved on to its twin, managing to remove the rest of his own clothes as well. His mouth worked its way up to soft lips he adored the taste of and he kissed his husband deeply. As they kissed, he rolled onto his back again, pulling Dorvane with him, and parted his legs. “I think it would be even more distracting if I felt you sliding into me, every delicious bit of you, slowly and deeply, claiming me as your husband on both the inside, and…” he clinked their matching rings together and smiled, “the out.”
Dorvane’s mood which had been cautious and worried only moments ago was now quickly regaining the desire he’d felt earlier on the way to their room. His body felt as if it were on fire each place Haldir’s lips touched him. Gods, it was the sweetest thing the way that Haldir looked at him, the way he touched him and the way he made him feel. Dark eyes darkened even more as the rest of Haldir’s body was exposed to him, and his hands were greedy, moving over pale skin, needing to touch him everywhere at once it seemed. When he was rolled on top of his lover and Haldir spoke so seductively, Dorvane felt his cock twitch against his lover’s stomach. “Gods, I love it when you say things that way… drives me insane,” he murmured softly as his lips claimed his husband’s with a roughened tenderness that let his lover know exactly how much he was desired.
Haldir’s fingers curled in Dorvane’s hair as they kissed and he couldn’t keep from shifting his hips again and again, both to rub his own erection against his lover’s hip and to feel Dorvane’s leak against his skin. When they pulled away from the kiss, Haldir leaned up and licked at the now damp neck above him, breathing heavily. “What?” he purred. “You like when I tell you I want your cock in me so far I can taste it?” He reached between them tugged at Dorvane’s rigid flesh and smiled against his neck. “Or do you want me to tell you that by morning, I want my backside to be so sore from being filled by my husband that I can barely walk straight? Of course, I could tell you that while you were getting dressed earlier, I oiled my fingers and opened myself for you, that I’m already slick and ready, and you can just slide right home any time you want to…”
Completely lost as he kissed Haldir, Dorvane’s hips moved with his husband’s enjoying the feeling of their naked bodies moving against one another’s. When Haldir purred against his ear and began to stroke his rigid shaft even as he spoke of everything he wanted to Dorvane to do to him, the man moaned. His sex was so hard now he ached just from the thoughts racing through his mind that were evoked by Haldir’s words. The very idea that Haldir had prepared himself for him that way made him shudder with need and Dorvane leaned up on his elbow to look down at his gorgeous husband. “Gods… you are going to drive me to madness,” he whispered softly even as he shifted between his lover’s legs. He reached to the nightstand and slicked himself, not willing to cause Haldir any pain even if he were already prepared for him. Then a hand traveled down Haldir’s body, smoothing over perfect skin until he reached the bend of his leg and coaxed his lover to wrap his leg around him (it didn’t take much coaxing actually) and ever so slowly he began to move forward, slowly breeching his lover’s body for this first time as his husband. Warmth and tenderness seemed to flood through him mixed with the driving need to simply take. “My husband,” he whispered, the word sounding almost like a long desired dream that was finally real.
The Elf’s body arched up off the bed as Dorvane slid into him, the simple words ‘my husband’ making him all the more aroused. Dorvane… his husband. The man he loved so deeply, he had been willing to give up anything for him; the man who, despite everything that had happened, still worried that Haldir would be horrified by the scars on his arms, not just simply grateful that he’d lived past them. Slowly, his inner muscles opened up until hard flesh was buried deep inside him. He crooked his leg just a bit more to allow Dorvane in even deeper as he let his hands move over thickly muscled arms, not pausing at the wrists, just loving that part of him as well as every other. “My husband,” he whispered in agreement.
Making love to Haldir had always been something he enjoyed thoroughly, he hated to admit it but even when Haldir was his slave he loved taking him, loved when despite his not wanting to, the Elf came for him. Now and for the last year and a half it had been entirely different, Haldir wanted him. He shivered as loving hands moved over his arms, grateful that he didn’t linger on the scars on his wrists and loving the way that Haldir looked at him, echoing his words. “I love you,” he whispered in return and leaned down to kiss his lover as he began to move within him, his body moving slowly even though he wanted more, wanted to take him wildly. Breathless when he drew away again, Dorvane smiled as he ran a hand through soft hair, brushing it back from Haldir’s cheek. “You are so very beautiful,” he whispered as he shifted making sure he brushed against that perfect spot inside his lover.
Haldir moaned as his sweet spot was nudged, wondering, as always, how Dorvane couldn’t see that he was just as beautiful. He could see that their words and actions were making Dorvane crazy, and Haldir felt much the same. The darkness in his lover’s eyes, the need to take, was there, though since they had become lovers it had been a gentle taking in all the ways that counted. The Elf reached up and rested one hand on the back of Dorvane’s neck, then lifted up to meet him in a kiss that was filled with passion and need. “I said I wanted to be sore,” he whispered with a smile. “I won’t break. I want you to really show me how much you want me tonight.”
Dorvane shivered when Haldir whispered to him giving him permission to take what he wanted rather than hold back as he often had since they had become lovers and not merely master and slave. In the early days when Haldir had first come to live with him, after making his bargain for Faramir’s escape, Dorvane had been less than gentle most times; though never purposefully hurt his lover. He growled low in his throat, not even aware he’d made the sound and lifted himself onto his knees, pulling Haldir with him. Their bodies were flush against one another, the contact of their sweat slick chests making his skin tingle. His mouth fastened on Haldir’s neck, marking him darkly as he began to thrust roughly into the perfect willing body wrapped around him.
Haldir shivered in desire as Dorvane moved him so easily. His arms wrapped around his husband and his spread his legs as far apart as possible, opening himself to each incredibly deep thrust, vulnerable in a way he never thought he would want to be with the man before him. He rode Dorvane hard, meeting him thrust for thrust, leaning forward so his cock would push against the warm skin of his lover’s stomach, knowing that if he touched himself he would come all too soon. His own length was achingly hard and dripping between them, his balls so full and heavy that each time Dorvane thrust, the pressure between his legs doubled. Still… he wanted Dorvane completely – the gentle and the not-so-gentle part of him, for he loved both dearly. “Harder, meleth,” he murmured, “you won’t hurt me, and Gods, that feels so good.”
Letting go in a way that Dorvane hadn’t in months, he continued to thrust wildly into his lover, his breath coming in harsh pants as he moved. It wasn’t gentle and loving the way they’d made love just the night before, this was entirely different as if he were laying claim to his husband, marking him inside and out. His fingers dug into his lover’s skin, not meaning to bruise, just needing to feel that this was real, that this wasn’t some wonderful dream. Each thrust into the tight heat surrounding him seemed to drive him to want more and more. “So tight, Gods, always so tight,” he whispered breathlessly against Haldir’s ear, his tongue moving around the edge of it, knowing that was one of the most sensitive parts of his lover’s body. He thrust even deeper and harder as Haldir asked him to, certain that his lover would indeed be sore in the morning as their bodies moved so hard and fast the only sounds in the room was the sound of their bodies coming together over and over again coupled with moans and gasps falling from both of their lips. He could feel Haldir’s shaft hard and leaking between them but he wasn’t ready to let go yet. “Wait for me,” he whispered.
Haldir’s head tipped back and he regarded his lover through half lidded eyes. His already swollen flesh ached even more as he watched Dorvane, the look of pure ecstasy on his face saying more than words every could. They had belonged to one another for months now, but as of tonight, the world would see, both by the rings on their fingers and the connection that formed between them, a meeting of the minds where Haldir, simply from the look of pleasure on his face told Dorvane that he needn’t always be gentle and Dorvane understood. Their past truly was behind them now and Haldir knew that by Dorvane allowing himself to take him in such a manner, it meant he had finally let go of even more of his – and their – past. “Close,” Haldir panted, his fingers squeezing his lover’s shoulder. “So close…”
Completely caught up in the moment, caught up in Haldir, Dorvane continued to thrust, words of love falling from his lips even as he roughly took his husband. He had learned in that moment that Haldir accepted him as he was, truly accepted him, scars and dark past and everything in between. The man he once was, the man who had no free will of his own, and the man he had since become, were all accepted by his husband and Dorvane could not be more grateful. His hand slid from Haldir’s back to reach between them, to give his lover that extra bit of friction and pressure needed as he himself began to reach the end of his control. “So close… Gods, so close, love,” he whispered as he began to stroke his lover. “Come with me, Haldir.”
Another low moan fell from Haldir’s lips as Dorvane touched him. He was lost in a world where there was nothing and no one but Dorvane, his dear, beloved husband. His body had taken over, and was reacting independently from his mind, it seemed. Each thrust up into him was met by Haldir’s own equally hard driving motion of his hips downward. They moved together for a few more moments as the Elf sealed his lips over his lover’s and felt his cock swell in the first surrounding it. Dorvane thrust up again, perfectly hitting his sweet spot and with a cry that was lost in the mouth over his, the Elf came hard, spilling over stroking fingers and onto the sweat-damp skin of their chests and stomachs.
Dorvane’s moan was lost in Haldir’s mouth, the feeling of his lover coming between them and around him driving him to the edge. His control snapped as he thrust one final time, shuddering violently as he spilled inside the clenching passage surrounding his sex. When he drew away from their kiss to drag in a breath, he shivered again, this time from the look on Haldir’s face. It was as seductive as any look Haldir had ever given him… a look of love and satisfaction that made Dorvane’s already rapid pulse quicken. He licked his lips and smiled, tasting his lover on them. “I love you.”
Haldir practically collapsed against his lover, mindless of the mess between them. His arms and legs wound around Dorvane’s neck and waist, and he closed his eyes, burying his face against Dorvane’s neck, sighing softly. “Melin chen, (I love you),” he murmured, pressing dozens of warm, wet kisses against soft skin and holding his lover tightly. “All of you, guren. I love all of you.”
Dorvane’s smile was the most relaxed it had been in years as he held Haldir. “I know… somehow now… I know,” he whispered knowing that Haldir would understand that after all this time he finally realized that ‘his Elf’ truly was his, that he did truly love Dorvane. Slowly he lowered Haldir back to the bed, noticing the dark bruise forming at his neck where he’d marked him and small fingerprint size bruises on his lover’s hips where he’d gripped him so tightly. He pulled away carefully, certain that Haldir’s passage would be a little tender and he began kissing each little bruise on his hips as he reached for his discarded tunic to clean his lover and himself. “I left marks on you,” he said softly, almost sadly, having not intended to really hurt Haldir.
Haldir practically purred as Dorvane laid him back, then gasped slightly as the softening flesh inside him was pulled away. He leaned up and ran his fingers over the red marks on his husband’s shoulders and shook his head. “I wanted you to, remember?” he murmured, running his fingers lightly over the redness on Dorvane’s shoulders where his own fingers had gripped rather hard. The sadness in Dorvane’s voice was subtle, but still there, so Haldir met his lover’s gaze. “I wanted you to. I want you to. I love being claimed like that, and don’t you dare get morose on me and say you will never do it again. It was perfect and beautiful and incredibly sexy and I want more. Besides… I marked you as well, my love.”
Dorvane’s eyes were sad as he looked up at Haldir from the marks on him and swallowed hard as he finished cleaning them both. As his husband continued saying he loved being claimed like that, Dorvane found himself smiling a little and then looked down at his own shoulder seeing the dark red marks there bright even against his dark skin. “That you did,” he grinned then and looked at Haldir seriously for a moment and nodded in understanding. “I won’t say I will never do it again though, but… as much as I didn’t really mean to do it… I have to admit I enjoy seeing them on you… enjoy seeing that you are mine and that you are mine because you want to be,” he admitted as he moved to lay beside his lover and pulled him against his body.
Haldir took his husband’s hand and curled all the fingers except one. He pulled the hand down between his legs and let Dorvane’s fingertip run lightly over the golden piercing he still wore. “This is there because I want it to be,” he said softly, then brought his lover’s hand up to his shoulder and neck to run over the bruises. “These are there because I want them to be. Now that I have the choice, I love being marked by you. I love the world being able to see that I am loved and in love, and I love being able to feel that in places that can’t be seen.” He squeezed the muscles between his legs, smiling at the slight tug of the ring. “I just hope you don’t mind my marking you back in all kinds of interesting places…”
Dorvane’s eyes followed where Haldir’s hand guided his finger and he smiled a little, always having wondered why he hadn’t asked for the piercing to be removed. He’d offered once and Haldir had refused then but he was never sure if he would change his mind. “I won’t mind at all,” Dorvane said laughing softly. “In fact I very much look forward to what ideas you come up with, my love.” He settled in, nestling his body against Haldir’s and sighed happily, never feeling this content before. “Should we leave in the morning or should we extend our stay another day just to… recover from our wedding night because a part of me thinks that… was just the beginning,” he teased.
Stifling a yawn, Haldir wrapped his arms around his husband and tugged the blankets up around them both. Now that the sweat on their bodies had dried, it was a bit chilly in the room, but neither of them were in any shape to stoke the fire just yet. “Well, since we both will only have one honeymoon, I think we should make the best of it, and stay a few more days, because I really want to explore this ‘just the beginning’ theory of yours. I have a sneaking suspicion we are just going to prove it correct.”
“A few days?” Dorvane asked laughing softly. “You do plan to drive me crazy don’t you?” he teased smiling. “I’ll never be the same you know… you are going to make me want you morning, noon, and night… oh… wait…” Dorvane stopped and looked at Haldir with all seriousness he could “I already do that,” he grinned widely as he pulled Haldir closer.
Haldir laughed softly and thanked the Valar for the man in his arms even as he teased him in return. Few would understand why he chose to still wear the golden ring between his legs, but then again, few who saw the scars on Dorvane’s arms would know the depth of the darkness that had engulfed him. The ring, like the scars, had a deeper meaning than the obvious, one that only a man and an Elf who had lived through it all could have understood or even begun to comprehend. He reached down, all thoughts of sleep gone, and groped his husband under the covers. “You do?” he teased, not at all surprised to feel his lover harden against him. “Prove it…”
Chapter 28
Dorvane leaned back against a tree and smiled as he looked out across their property. The tiny farm was doing even better than it had their first year and now six years into their lives together, he still couldn’t believe how his life had changed. At 18 he had tried to end his own life, at 35 he had made an agreement with Haldir. By 36 he was free of Saruman’s dark magic and now he had just turned 41 years old and he was never happier. Haldir had, as he had promised so many times, never left him. In fact, the very Elf he was thinking about was just lowering himself next to him on the grass. “It still amazes me how beautiful our home is,” he said softly as he looked up at his husband.
Haldir smiled as he sat down and gazed across the land, then back at Dorvane. He had a slight catch in his back, something he’d never really experienced before, and something he was careful to hide, and continued moving to rest his head on his husband’s thigh before answering. “I’ve always thought when the occupants are happy, the home is all the more beautiful,” he smiled, sighing in contentment as he settled in and got comfortable. “And the Valar knows we have filled the place with happiness over the past few years.”
Smiling as Haldir lay down with his head in his lap that way, Dorvane nodded. “And we will always fill it with happiness,” he said softly as his hand naturally began to move to slip through Haldir’s golden hair. “The corn is almost ready to harvest, I think we should probably take the next several days and conserve our energy for that,” he said after a few moments, his fingers absently moving and sliding through his lover’s hair. It was always so soft and quite literally an obsession of Dorvane’s.
Long lashes closed over smooth, pale skin as the Elf closed his eyes and nodded. “Hmmm… conserving our energy sounds good, as long as we do it without clothes and there are a few full body massages involved. I wouldn’t want us to get sore from inactivity you know…”
Dorvane laughed at Haldir’s teasing but felt a stab of heat rush through him at the very thought. “That sounds like a perfect plan,” Dorvane conceded as he leaned down and kissed the tip of Haldir’s nose before straightening again. His fingers continued to stroke through Haldir’s hair as they relaxed together but then… something felt… wrong. Wrong? It was an odd sensation really, Dorvane’s fingers paused and he moved them again, a strand of hair seemed more coarse than the others around it almost reminding him of the same way the few grays he’d found in his own hair felt. Gray hair? On an Elf? Gods… that can’t be right. He looked down, lifting Haldir’s hair into the sunlight and letting it fall back down slowly, seeing the hair in question catch and shine pure silver in the light. He gasped. Elves did NOT get gray hair. “Haldir… love… I… you… you have a gray hair…”
Haldir froze for a moment, not saying a word, and he would have sworn his heart stopped. He knew this moment would come one day, but he hadn’t been expecting it so soon, and honestly, he had no idea how Dorvane would react to the explanation of exactly why he had a gray hair. His husband had only recently began to let go of some of his guilt and to truly believe in their love, and this conversation could either make him believe even more, or simply pile the guilt back on in layers. Slowly, Haldir opened his eyes and sat up. “Aye. The first of many, I imagine. Pull it out if it bothers you, guren.”
Dorvane almost spluttered. “P… pull it out? The first… of many? But… Haldir, Elves… you don’t get gray hair… do you? I… do you? I’ve never heard of it before if so,” he said in confusion. Maybe he didn’t know as much about Elves as he imagined?
Pulling his legs up against his chest, Haldir wrapped his arms around them and rested his chin on his knees. He regarded his beloved husband seriously for a moment and took a deep breath. “Dorvane, I have never once lied to you, but… I have kept something from you. Something that happened on the day Saruman died, while you were unconscious. It was the only way I knew of to keep you alive, and I was afraid that you would feel guilty if you knew the truth. But… I also knew I couldn’t hide it forever. I only hope you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.”
Dorvane watched silently as Haldir seemed to curl in on himself and found himself puzzled as he spoke. Something that happened the day Saruman died? Only way he knew what? “What… what did you do? What would make me feel guilty? You have me utterly confused,” Dorvane admitted, sliding a bit closer and resting his hands on Haldir’s knees. “What is it?
Haldir took another deep breath and pressed a kiss against Dorvane’s knuckles. “You have to understand, love, that you were… you were dying right before me. And I had only just realized I loved you. I knew the only way to keep you alive was to beg the Valar to save you, and… and I didn’t have time to hope they heard my prayers. I did the only thing I knew to do. I wanted to talk to them directly, so… I cut my wrists. I bled so you could live, and then… I bled some more so I could die and go to the Halls of Mandos.”
Dorvane felt as if the air in his chest had turned to ice and his lungs could not function for a few seconds. Haldir had taken his life? For him? At first fury was the only thing that swept through him. “How could you do that? How could you take that risk? You know what happened to me, Haldir, how could you have done that?” His heart was beating madly in his chest as he stared at his husband. “What if you hadn’t woken up?”
“If you weren’t going to, then I didn’t want to either,” Haldir said softly. “I fully expected to see you either back in our rooms, or to see you join me in the Halls of Waiting. Either way, I figured we would be together, which was all I was thinking about at the time… all I cared about. Luckily, I was granted an audience, made a… a deal, and when I awoke, I was beside you in our bed, and you were breathing easier. So… it all worked out perfectly in the end.”
Blinking slowly as he took in the information, Dorvane shook his head in disbelief. Haldir had risked his life for him, had loved him that much then? How was that possible? “You… were granted an audience and made a deal… what sort of deal?”
Worrying his bottom lip for a moment, Haldir could only pray that Dorvane would see this as the final proof of his feelings and not something else to blame himself for. “I… Your life in exchange for… for my immortality. I could never seek out my brothers again, and I would grow old with you, and when you pass, I will pass as well, but… we will be together in the next life too. I may look like an Elf, but as of that day, I have lived and will die as men do, and I have never once regretted that decision, Dorvane. Never once.”
A gentle breeze through their little valley likely would have blown Dorvane over after he heard Haldir’s words. He shifted, sitting back on his heels and stared at his husband for a long moment. “You exchanged your immortality for me? For a man you had no idea was going to live or die? The gods are not ones to be trifled with… they… I cannot believe you did this. I… all that time I worried so much that I was second in your heart until the day we met with Faramir in Gondor and yet you still didn’t tell me this. You… you gave up everything for me, Haldir… I… I don’t know what to think. I love you so much and… am grateful yet another part of me wants to throttle you, you silly Elf!”
Unsure whether to laugh or attempt to look chagrined, Haldir settled for shrugging and simply meeting Dorvane’s gaze. “You have never been second in my heart,” he said softly. “I would have done anything to keep you alive, and to this day, I would make the very same decision right now if I had to do it over again. I need you, I love you, and you are the most precious, amazing gift I have ever known, Dorvane. I only kept this from you because I feared you would feel guilty… and I know you will feel even guiltier if you throttle me, so… you might as well just give up on that idea and kiss me instead. It will make us both much happier, and it is far less violent.”
“I do feel guilty… though you had much better reasons in your heart than I did when I… took my life,” Dorvane whispered, swallowing past a lump in his throat. “I just… never imagined anyone could love me so much,” he said the last words as he leaned closer to his husband. “Thank you… I cannot ask if you have regrets because I think if you did, I would have seen them by now.” With that his lips brushed against his lover’s in a sweet almost chaste kiss. “In the future, do not keep things like that from me, please?”
Haldir straightened out his legs and pulled Dorvane against him. “I promise. I have no more secrets, and I do love you that much. I have since the very day I made that deal… and perhaps longer. When the deal was put before me, I agreed, and afterward, I was told that if there had been the slightest hesitation in my heart, we both would have lost our lives, and never would have been together again, in either world. So you see, despite all the fears you used to have, I never doubted, guren, never once. I just didn’t know when you would be ready to hear this. You carried so much guilt for so very long, I couldn’t bear to add to it. I’m so sorry if I handled this wrong… perhaps I should have told you long ago.”
“You did not handle it wrong,” Dorvane said as he moved into a better position straddling his lover’s thighs. “I think… I think I wasn’t ready to hear all this years ago. I think the guilt would have overwhelmed me more because I was not as confident in our relationship as I am now. I love you more than ever, Haldir, and that I think will never change except perhaps to grow stronger. You gave me a second chance at life and I don’t want to waste a moment of it.”
Burying his face against the warmth of his husband’s neck, Haldir smiled and closed his eyes. “There was one little perk… remember once I told you I thought you would have a long life? Well, my immortality wasn’t completely taken away, exactly. When I made this deal, one of the Valar – I’m not such which one, as it’s all a bit fuzzy, said that such devotion should be rewarded. We will have long lives here, and an eternity together in the next world. But… as I said, be prepared to see many gray hairs on your Elf, and you might hear a few creaking joints and crackles now and then. I don’t think Elven bones were made to age, so they might protest a bit. But… they will have to adapt, because I am so looking forward to growing old with you.”
Dorvane’s eyes widened and he thought that perhaps it was in a way fitting, they had both lost many years of their lives to Saruman, it was only fitting that they somehow got them back. “Gray hair is hard to see on you anyway… I had to feel that one,” he grinned. “And… at least now I don’t have to feel awkward in 20 years when I’m all wrinkled and completely white haired and with some young pretty Elf that could pass as my grandson let alone son,” Dorvane teased as he shifted in Haldir’s lap and leaned forward. “As for creaking bones, maybe we can rub each other with liniment then.”
Blue eyes sparkled with laughter as Haldir realized that his husband was taking the news far better than he’d expected. “I might just start creaking tonight then, to see how the liniment works,” he teased in response. “Just to test your rubbing skills, of course.” His hands wandered over Dorvane’s back and arm and one came to rest beneath his hair, cupping his neck gently. “Thank you, guren. Thank you for accepting this, and for understanding that it was the only choice I could have made. I was so afraid you would be angry with me.”
Dorvane felt his skin tingle where Haldir touched him and shook his head slowly. “At first I was angry but… I realized that I cannot change what has already been done, we are here now and together so how can I argue with it? I am not happy that you took such a risk, I cannot stand the thought of you doing anything for me that would cause you pain but… I can understand why,” Dorvane said softly as he gazed into such bright blue eyes. “A part of me hates the idea that you gave up your immortality for me like that but I know if it were me in your place, I would not want to live without you.”
“A life without you would hold no joy for me,” Haldir said softly, letting his thumb run along Dorvane’s jaw. “By living as a man, rather than being reborn, I will simply go where men go in the afterlife… and I will go with you, holding your hand. There is nothing more I could want than to be by your side, then and forever after.” His eyes, which had grown serious as he spoke, crinkled at the corners in tiny lines he had tried to hide before today and no longer bothered with now. “Besides, you know you can’t stay angry with me for long. Ever since that first day we kissed as true lovers, you have not truly been able to stay mad for more than a few seconds… and you are well aware of it…”
Dorvane was touched by Haldir’s words, knowing that he felt the same way and then found himself laughing softly. “You too have been well aware of the fact that you’ve had me wrapped around your little finger since that day. And… I would not have it any other way,” he said grinning. “Besides, you make it so worth my while to give in to you.”
Haldir leaned forward and caught Dorvane’s bottom lip between his teeth, almost purring as sucked the sweet skin into his mouth. “And you, my love, are no slouch in the worth-my-while department yourself,” he murmured, sliding his hands underneath Dorvane’s tunic and greedily running his fingertips over smooth, warm skin. As he leaned back and pulled his husband on top of him, he looked up into dark brown eyes and smiled. He would have given anything to be able to spare Dorvane from Saruman’s darkness, and to have spared Faramir all that had happened to him as well. But to Haldir, as terrible as those eight years he’d been held captive were, they were all worth it. If he had to live them all again in exchange for what he and Dorvane had now, he would gladly do so, because Dorvane, whether he believed it or not, was so very worth it, without the slightest doubt. “I adore you, my sweet husband,” he said softly. “Never, ever doubt that, not for one moment.”
Finding himself caught by his lover’s words and actions, Dorvane merely wrapped his arms around Haldir and smiled happily. “As I adore you… I no longer doubt your love for me, Haldir, I have not in several years now you know. I am glad you told me what sacrifices you made and I just want you to know that I love you for that… as much as I wish I could go back and spare you so much pain I know I cannot change the past, but I can do all I can to make sure your future – our future – is filled with joy.” Dorvane leaned in and pressed his lips to Haldir’s again, kissing slowly and nibbling his lips before teasing beyond them with his tongue.
Opening himself up completely and surrendering to the kiss, Haldir was soon moaning as Dorvane’s tongue slipped past his lips and began licking at the inside of his mouth. Blue eyes closed and a soft, content sigh was lost between them as two hearts sped up, skin softened beneath loving hands and shafts hardened and two lovers once again became one, only this time, with no secrets between them.
Scars and secrets had been shared, the past was pushed aside in favor of joyful futures, as one man and one Elf who over a decade ago had seemed destined to kill one another brought each other unimaginable pleasure and comfort. Pain had been erased, fear had been replaced by laughter and joy, hate forsaken for love, and most of all darkness had been overtaken by light.
The End… to this version.
For an alternate ending go to LordsOfGondor to read a totally different version of events.
NB: Please do not distribute (by any means, including email) or repost this story (including translations) without the author's prior permission. [ more ]
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I love all your stories! Thanks for the new one.
— Macheil Thursday 8 January 2009, 15:38 #