Faramir Fiction Archive

Darkness and Light (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

11 August 2009 | 145537 words

Chapter 4

Faramir was still on the bed, his tears still damp against the sheets and his face when he heard the door open. He knew he shouldn’t open his eyes or move, just in case the guards had come with Haldir but he couldn’t help himself. He opened them immediately and stared as the Elf, obviously in pain, crossed the room. Faramir tried to sit up, and gasped from the pain of it but forced himself through it and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Let me help you,” Faramir offered, seeing that Haldir was already shaking his head at him.

“Pen vuin (dear one),” Haldir said softly, stopping by the table for the small jar of salve he’d made the night before. He moved to the bed and gingerly sat on the side as he stirred the contents of the jar. “I told you to rest. I am fine. Now… lay over on your stomach and let me see if I can ease your pain. I am sorry I did not have time before but…” He looked up, frowned and reached out to gently touch Faramir’s cheek, tracing his fingertips along the trail his tears had left behind. “Is the pain that bad, or did they do something to you while I was gone?”

Unable to believe that Haldir seemed to think of him above himself, Faramir shook his head. “The tears were for you… I hated knowing what you were going through and I was here safe, you took the worst of our beatings and yet you will not let me tend to you… I feel… guilty and a burden to you,” he said sadly.

Haldir shook his head and smiled. “Faramir, you are no burden to me. Despite the heartache I feel when they hurt you, or when I see you in pain, you have brought me more joy with the few smiles and kisses we have shared than I have known in more than eight years now.” He took Faramir’s hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. “I wish you were anywhere but here, and I wish you had never gotten captured, but Gods, your kisses and the way your eyes sparkle… they remind me of the good things in life that I have missed so much of since I was captured by Saruman. I can never thank you enough for that.”

Faramir was completely taken off guard by Haldir’s words. He gave Haldir comfort? He’d been nothing but trouble it seemed to Faramir, but he could tell that Haldir was being completely serious. His words were not to placate him they were true… at least in the Elf’s mind they were. Shaking his head, he reached up and touched Haldir’s cheek, a wistful smile on his face. “Haldir, I do not know what you see when you look at me, I do not know how it is possible to see all those things, but know this… despite the pain and the abuse here… I am glad to be here to offer you any comfort I can,” he whispered.

Feeling his heart swell at Faramir’s words, Haldir reached out and cupped the face before him in the palm of his hand. “You offer me more than you could ever know,” the Elf whispered. He started to lean forward to press a kiss to Faramir’s lips, but moaned when his injuries reminded him that he should not move too quickly. He took a deep breath, pressed their lips together and let his hand slip down to Faramir’s neck. “Lie down, my lovely one, let me tend to your back and legs.”

Faramir winced when Haldir moaned in pain, and felt his heart ache from it even as soft lips pressed against his own. “I imagine I am not going to win this argument with you am I?” he asked softly, wanting to tend Haldir’s wounds even though his own were burning badly.

Haldir laughed softly. “No, I imagine that as stubborn as you are, I am even more so, and your body is not used to this as mine is.” He carefully helped Faramir to lie down on his stomach and began applying the salve as gently as he could to the man’s shoulders, back, legs, then his backside, where the lashes were the most concentrated. “Did the plug they used today reopen the cuts you had inside?” he asked, not wanting to examine anything without Faramir’s permission.

Faramir sighed heavily even as he was rolled onto his stomach and he closed his eyes for a moment wishing that he could do something, anything, to end this for both of them. Neither of them deserved a life such as it was. This was only his second day here and he had no idea how he could possibly survive a week let alone eight years as Haldir had. He cringed and flinched a few times, the salve stinging at first but soon cooling against the wounds. “I… I think it did, there was some blood,” he whispered shyly.

Coating his fingers generously with the slick ointment, Haldir let his fingers explore the cleft of Faramir’s backside, giving him as much dignity as possible by not looking. He continued talking and trying to ignore his own aches as he soothed Faramir, knowing that at least, his skin had thickened and though he healed quickly and had few scars to show for his ordeal, he wasn’t in half the pain Faramir and his pale, previously unmarred skin had to be in. His fingertip found the ring of muscles that had been so recently invaded by the hated plug Dorvane favored and slowly pushed forward just enough to ease the salve inside. When he finished, he rubbed more over the reddened opening and then pulled away. “Feeling a bit better already, I’d wager, now aren’t you?” he asked softly.

Faramir hissed as Haldir’s fingers pressed inside him, the reaction a normal one after so much abuse to the area. The salve always burned for a few seconds at first but soon it cooled and began to feel better. He was actually quite relaxed again by the time Haldir drew away and spoke. “I am. The salve does help… as does just knowing someone cares how I feel,” he said looking over his shoulder at Haldir. “Are you in any pain? I would be glad to tend you too, there is salve left is there not?”

Haldir brushed his fingers through the ends of Faramir’s hair and started to deny that he was in pain. But he was… gods, he hurt everywhere, it had been some time since he’d had someone willing and able to tend to him. “Aye,” he said softly, still toying idly with Faramir’s hair. “I am in pain, and there is plenty of salve left. You don’t have to tend to me though. The last prisoner thought Elves were … unpleasant. He wanted to be tended to, but could not bear to touch me. Even the things Dorvane and his men forced us to do often made him sick to his stomach, or so he said.”

Faramir was stunned for a moment as he rose up and stared at Haldir. “Haldir, I think I have proven I have no aversion to you,” he said utterly shocked. “I enjoy touching you and your touching me and not just for healing… in the cell earlier… I wanted you not just release.” His face grew red with the admission but it was true.

Moving slowly, Haldir lay down on the bed beside Faramir and smiled. “So you were not humoring me with your sweet kisses then?” he teased gently before his smile was wiped away and he turned serious. “That is good, because I wanted you as well, and nothing they can say or do is going to change that.”

Faramir smiled and shook his head. “Not just humoring you at all,” he whispered and leaned up on his side, careful not to roll back onto the sore spots and leaned on his elbow as he settled the jar of salve between them. He dipped his fingers in and frowned, as he looked at all the welts crisscrossing Haldir’s back. He began slowly spreading the salve and blowing softly following each swipe. “You really should not have antagonized Dorvane you know… I doubt he will forget that he did not get to take us today,” he whispered sadly.

Gritting his teeth at each stinging bite of the ointment, Haldir rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. “I know,” he nodded. “But at least this way you have a few extra days to heal. You were injured badly from your ‘initiation,’ yesterday, and since we were together, they would not have been satisfied to hurt only one of us. I think it better that they spared you a bit, rather than punished us both. But it is me he will be angry at, not you – he wants me, wants me to want him – which is never going to happen, but most of all, he is furious that I am the only prisoner he has never broken in all his years here at this farm. And so I will always get the brunt of his anger, which… before you protest, is the way I prefer it.”

“You are braver than most I would wager, braver than I am… I do not think I could last eight years here, I fear… I fear without you I would not have lived through today,” Faramir said softly. His hands moved lower, coating Haldir’s body in the thick salve, his hands trembling a little as they passed over the worst cuts. “Do you need tending elsewhere?” he asked carefully, knowing these guards were never gentle.

Thinking that Faramir was stronger than he knew, Haldir started to say as much, then stopped at Faramir’s question. “I… the same places you needed tending,” he said as his face darkened. “I am fine, really, but they… used things, and though they let me stop by the stream to rinse off a bit, there was… there was a lot of bleeding.”

Faramir winced and bit his lip as Haldir spoke of a lot of bleeding. He swallowed hard and nodded then, compassion flooding his eyes. “I will be careful,” he whispered and coated his fingers liberally again before trailing down further, carefully dipping between the abused and red globes of Haldir’s backside. He could feel the slickness of blood still there and felt tears sting his eyes and hatred darken his heart toward Dorvane, Saruman and the guards even more. He was careful and slow, stopping when he felt resistance and slowly easing his fingers inside the warmth of Haldir’s body as he applied the healing salve. Faramir was equally as careful as he withdrew and only managed to find his voice then. “That should help,” he whispered as he leaned down and brushed his lips against one of the few uninjured spots on Haldir’s shoulder.

Haldir bit the inside of his jaw to keep from moaning as Faramir gently took care of him. When he was finished, the edge of the pain had been taken off at least, and he slowly relaxed down into the bed. As the small, sweet kiss on the shoulder registered, however, he smiled and looked up, brushing his golden hair back so he could see Faramir’s face. “A kiss given freely is by far the sweetest, most treasured one,” he said softly. He leaned up just a bit, entwined their fingers and rested back against the bed. “Thank you for that, and for tending to my wounds. Now rest, my lovely one. You are in pain as well.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke of his kiss and carefully moved to place the jar back on the nightstand behind him. He lay back down beside Haldir and snuggled closer, leaning in to press another kiss against Haldir’s lips. “With you… they are always freely given kisses,” he whispered truthfully as he relaxed against the pillow. They were both aching and tired from their ordeal that morning.

Already, Haldir was getting attached… way too attached. Despite Haldir’s best efforts at protecting him, Faramir might not survive, or might be shipped off to another farm, or might… escape. Besides…“Do you have a husband or wife or lover back at home?” he asked softly, studying the long tapering fingers of Faramir’s left hand. “Someone that will search for you every moment of every day until you are found?”

Faramir shook his head a little and sighed. “No, no one like that. I have a brother though… he is older, I grew up with him as my mentor and best friend and I think he will search for me,” Faramir said softly too tired to even catch the implication of Haldir’s words. “Did you have anyone? When you were brought here? Family or friends who may still be looking?”

Haldir looked away, but not before Faramir saw the tears in his eyes that were quickly blinked away. “I had someone long ago, but he will not be searching for me,” he said softly. “Two someone’s, actually – my brothers Rúmil and Orophin. But thanks to Saruman, they think they saw me die.”

Faramir swallowed hard from the sudden tears in Haldir’s eyes and moved closer, resting his cheek close to Haldir’s. “I am so sorry,” he whispered and then panic gripped him. “What if… gods what if Boromir forgets me? What if Saruman does something to him too?” Faramir said sadly, the pain of the thought hurting him more than he could imagine. To be forgotten by the ones you love most… was the worst sort of fate. It was as if you had never existed at all.

Shaking his head, Haldir pressed a kiss against Faramir’s cheek. “I doubt he would harm your brother,” he said. “The reason he made my brothers forget was that…” His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes for a moment, remembering that day eight years ago when he saw his beloved young brother tied up on another bed on another farm. “He had raped my brother. I came as quickly as I could, but by the time I got there, Rúmil was fading. Saruman didn’t want Rúmil though, he wanted me, so we made an exchange. I never wanted his filthy hands on my brother again, so we made the trade, but I demanded he make Rúmil well again. He was alsto to be certain that I was dead, so that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life searching for me.”

Faramir’s heart broke at the pain he both saw in Haldir’s eyes and heard in his voice. His hand reached out to curl around Haldir’s and he squeezed gently in an offer of silent support as he relayed his story. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I am so sorry… I wish there was something I could do, Haldir. I really do, but I understand your worries, I worry that Boromir will try to find me and end up captured too,” he whispered. “I think… I think Saruman plays on our fears, I think somehow he knows them and will use them to his advantage to control us… like he did you. He knew you would not let your brother die like that, just as he knows I fear Boromir being caught too. He knows how to use our hearts against us,” he said sadly.

“It is hard to remember that not so long ago, he was a leader of his race,” Haldir sighed, bringing Faramir’s hand up to his lips for a kiss. “Fortunately, he is not here that often anymore, and Dorvane does not concern himself with who or what we care for. When he makes you and I… do things… some of them pleasant, and some of them not – he will not even give a second thought to what we say or do. As long as we follow his directions, he will not use us against one another… at least I don’t think he will. Honestly, I have never been as entranced by another prisoner as I am with you. But he just likes, as he says “to watch the pretty ones play together… and bleed together.”

Faramir frowned in distaste at the thought of bleeding together but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about his burgeoning feelings for Haldir being something he needed to fear. “I am glad that Dorvane does not care then because… I do care for you already, Haldir. Perhaps it is the kindness you have shown me, the need I have for a friend here in this place, or the beauty and light I see in you each time I look into your eyes… perhaps all of it,” he whispered softly, meaning every word.

“I feel the same way,” Haldir confessed. “In fact, I find it quite difficult to think about anything – including the pain when I look into your breathtakingly blue eyes. They hold a magic far more powerful than even Saruman could ever know. Besides, they do funny things to my stomach… make it flip upside down and do silly little dances up around my heart. And they make me think that things are not so bad after all, despite our circumstances.”

Faramir felt his heart skip just as Haldir spoke and smiled. “You do the same to me… make me forget everything… like earlier in the cell… your kisses distracted me from the pain,” he whispered honestly. “I could only hope mine did the same for you.”

“I was aware of little else but your lips. And the sweet taste of your tongue, and the warmth of your mouth, and the feel of your body against mine and… and… well, apparently, I was aware of a great many things, but none of them involved the pain,” Haldir teased, though his words were nothing but the truth.

Faramir laughed softly, regretting it a little as his body reminded him of the aches he still had but he nudged even closer to Haldir. “I am glad to have given you solace like you did me then,” he whispered brushing his lips gently against Haldir’s again. “Gods, you have the sweetest lips…” he whispered and smiled. “We should rest… and if we are feeling better when we wake perhaps we can prepare a meal… together if we can.”

Haldir smiled and then carefully found a small area on Faramir’s back that hadn’t been whipped or welted. He shifted to lie on his side and gently put his arm across Faramir, resting just over the clear area, and pressed a kiss to his temple before sliding closer. “Aye, we should rest,” he said softly. “Then we will have a spectacular meal. Saruman wants us to stay healthy, so we have a well-stocked kitchen, though all the knifes have spells on them so they cannot be used as a weapon. So sleep, my lovely Faramir, and dream of freedom and sweet kisses and delicious dinners.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir pulled him a little closer and listened. He wondered how Haldir knew of the spell on the knives but decided not to ask. “Sweet dreams to you as well, Haldir…” he whispered as he began to relax, the mornings activities and his tears while Haldir had been gone taking their toll on him as he drifted off.

Haldir drifted off moments later, feeling oddly content for the moment, though he knew the upcoming months and weeks might be the worst he had ever endured, simply because already, he cared too much for Faramir. As his breathing deepened, he was trying to figure out ways the young man could escape. Haldir himself, couldn’t of course, or Saruman would likely go after his brothers, and he would pay dearly for helping Faramir, but it was definitely a price he would gladly pay to keep this dear, innocent man with the sparkling blue eyes out of harm’s way.

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