Faramir Fiction Archive

Darkness and Light (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

11 August 2009 | 145537 words

Chapter 26

Legolas smiled grimly and stepped inside the room uninvited. “Are they holding one another and looking deeply into each other’s eyes yet?” he asked, throwing himself on the nearest chair and staring dully out the window. “Or is that part coming up?” Remembering his manners as both a Prince of Mirkwood and the spouse of one of the most important men in Gondor, he stood and offered his hand. “I am sorry. I am Legolas, Faramir’s husband, and you look about as terrified as I feel right now.”

When the Elf just let himself into the room, Dorvane almost said something rather rude until the dejected looking thing threw himself into a chair and asked about ‘them’ and he realized who he was. He’d been the golden haired Elf standing next to Faramir. He swallowed hard and closed the door as he crossed the room and took his offered hand. “Pleased to meet you… I am… I am Haldir’s lover… we are engaged but… ,” he said simply, not sure what if anything Faramir had told his husband about the man who had tortured and nearly killed him and afraid to say that he worried that this Elf’s husband was about to take off with his own fiancé. “And… no they are were not when I looked away, they were holding hands and talking and… Gods, I’m miserable and glad to have some company who seems to understand.”

“Holding hands?” Legolas leaned forward, elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. “Why do they have to hold hands?” He loved Faramir, trusted him, but… what his husband had shared with Haldir, those unspeakable days of torture and humiliation tempered only by moments of love and comfort offered by the very Elf who was with him now… might mean more to him than the love that he and Faramir shared. And try as he might, he couldn’t hold anything against Haldir, for Faramir had said many times he wasn’t sure he would have survived without his then-lover’s care and commitment. He looked up at Haldir’s lover and studied him silently for a moment. “Are we losing them?” he asked softly.

“Gods I hope not,” Dorvane said crossing to the window where he had stood vigil before and looked out. His hands were shaking and to calm himself he clasped them together, the fingers of his right hand worrying at the ring on his left hand. He had not removed the ring since the day Haldir had given it to him almost 8 months ago. “They are still talking… still holding hands but… but that’s it. Maybe… maybe they are just talking, I imagine they have a lot to tell each other… Gods, this is killing me though. When he first mentioned needing to say a proper goodbye to Faramir… I… I didn’t protest but I wanted to. I know what they shared was special and I keep fearing it was more special than what he and I share.”

Legolas crossed the room as well and glanced out the window, wincing as he saw his husband holding hands with the other Elf. “I don’t understand what happened. Since the day Faramir’s memory returned, he worried about Haldir. How did Faramir manage to escape and Haldir didn’t? And why did he not remember any of this grand escape anyway?”

Dorvane stood there for a moment unsure how he should answer the questions or even if it was his place to do so. “There was dark magic being used in that place… darker than you could ever imagine. It is what erased his memory and he… didn’t escape… he was set free. Haldir sacrificed himself… to spare Faramir further torture,” Dorvane explained carefully, his nervous hands still working at the ring around his finger. Gods, even if Haldir did leave him today, he could not return the ring. He wouldn’t, even if it didn’t remind him of such a painful memory he would keep it to remind him how close he was to being happy.

“Oh Gods.” Legolas sat back down in his chair and closed his eyes. He felt more certain than ever that he was about to lose his husband, especially once he found out what Haldir had done for him. “This is going to be the longest afternoon of my life.”

“Tell me about it,” Dorvane muttered and rested his forehead against the windowpane as he watched the two former lovers speak.

Legolas felt like banging his head against… something. Hard. Instead, he frantically searched for something to keep his mind off what was happening just outside… and failed miserably. He noticed Haldir’s… lover? Husband? was toying with a ring and hoped that they too were bound – it would, at least make Haldir and Faramir running off into the sunset a bit more complicated if doing so would break up two marriages instead of just one. “Did you and Haldir bond or marry? I… I couldn’t help but notice the ring that you are… well… going to cut your finger off with if you don’t stop twisting it.”

Dorvane startled when Legolas said that he was going to cut his finger off and he dropped his hands to his side, though the thumb of his ring hand still moved against the band. “We… well… not exactly… well not officially anyway. We live in a very remote place and have been engaged almost 8 months now but we have not gone to a priest to have it done officially, though… we or at least I have felt married since the moment Haldir placed this ring on my finger. A ring… I mistakenly thought he’d gotten for Faramir.”

Stopping short, Legolas sucked in a sharp breath and studied the other man’s face in silence for a moment. “For… for… Faramir? Wh… Did Haldir lead you to believe that? Do you truly think he still loves my husband and came here to take him away from me? Faramir says that is ridiculous but if you think so too… Gods…”

“No… no, no… I am so sorry to worry you,” Dorvane said quickly, realizing that Legolas was just as terrified as he was about losing his mate. “It was my own insecurity really that day, the ring was most definitely for me… my name is engraved inside it. I just… I do fear that Haldir would like to be with him though, they… shared something very difficult together, it is… hard for me to see past that. What about Faramir? You are just as fearful as I am, do you think he would leave you?”

The Elf hesitated and looked down at the floor for a few moments before answering. “I think… I think he would not do it on a whim, because he is a good man, and I know he loves me,” he finally managed, swallowing the lump in his throat. “But what he and Haldir went through… I cannot imagine how they survived it. I don’t know how much you know about what happened, but it was… a nightmare. Once Faramir remembered, he had nightmares about it for months. I wonder if, as much as I love him, if Haldir might be able to help him more than I can to get past those nightmares. Why else would he have searched for this farm after his memories came back? And why else would they be… Gods? Be holding hands?”

Dorvane cringed when Legolas spoke of their time as slaves as a nightmare and he himself had been a large part of that. Dorvane was surprised when Legolas said that Faramir had searched for Haldir, he frowned deeply then and shook his head. “They were close once and I am sure if they are talking about their time as sl… as prisoners then they may need some sort of support… it… it is not as if they are kissing,” he said and then found himself looking out the window again to reassure himself that no, they were still talking.

Back in the courtyard Faramir waited for Haldir’s response to his question about what happened after he left and what caused the fire. Haldir looked decidedly unsure about how to word what he wanted to say. “Are you all right?” he asked softly, “I do not wish to stir up very painful memories if… if you cannot talk about that time I understand.”

“It is not that,” Haldir smiled, giving Faramir’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I just am not sure where to start.” He looked down for a moment, praying to the Valar Faramir would hear him out. “The night after you left, I was in Dorvane’s room. We… discussed the ground rules, I suppose you could say. In exchange for your safety, I told him he could do anything he liked to me. I would never fight him, and, as I had given him permission, I would not fade. Only… once I stopped fighting him… he stopped hurting me.”

When Haldir first started to tell him what happened Faramir frowned and felt his heart clench and his stomach knot. He was shaking his head but then he was surprised by his last statement. “So he didn’t hurt you? That’s… that is better than I expected you to say,” he said softly. “How did you get away from him? Were you still there when Saruman was killed? I’m sorry… forgive me for so many questions.” Faramir sighed realizing he was asking for a great deal of possibly painful memories for Haldir.

Haldir ignored the first question for the moment and answered the second. “I was with him when Saruman died. You see, after a while, I began to see a different side of Dorvane. For the longest time, it was like the man I was bound to then was a completely different person than the one who had hurt us both so badly. Then I found out why. Just as I was bound to Dorvane by a contract, he was bound to Saruman, only Saruman’s contract was in blood. He controlled Dorvane in so many ways, whispering lies, torturing him, convincing him to help build this undefeatable army. When he was angry, he would take it out on Dorvane, give him so much pain, he could only get relief by drawing blood from his slaves. Blood for blood, drop for drop. As the slaves bled, only then could Dorvane find any relief. Oh, the slaves were used so that the guards didn’t turn on each other as well, but for Dorvane’s part, he thought he had no other choice. One night, he came back to his rooms, bleeding and in such pain he could hardly stand. He couldn’t even make it to the slave’s quarters, he was so weak. I offered to let him take my blood, but he refused. You see, by this time, he’d realized that… the obsession he’d had for me when I was his slave had turned to love when I’d become his willing lover.” Without realizing it, Haldir was squeezing Faramir’s hand tightly, remembering Dorvane’s pain that night. “He was as much a victim as we were, Faramir. He only hid it better.”

As Haldir began to tell him about Dorvane and his being bound by Saruman and the blood… it was almost too much to believe, but he listened to his former lover and when he said Dorvane fell in love with Haldir, Faramir shook his head. “I cannot believe you are speaking in his defense,” Faramir said at first and then looked down. “He had no choice about what he did? When he raped us? Beat us? Drugged us? Almost killed me? None of it was him… it was all Saruman?” Faramir said in a voice that was obviously disbelieving.

“Saruman controlled him as surely as he controlled King Théoden,” Haldir explained. “The leather bands he always wore on his wrists… there are scars there, scars that Saruman used against him. He smothered the man Dorvane used to be, pushed him back so that there was only a tiny part of him left, and the man that hurt us… was nothing more than a puppet. Dorvane became horrified of the things he’d done, and more than once he begged my forgiveness. From the day you left until the day Saruman died, Dorvane struggled against Saruman’s control over him. He was kind to me in every way. And it cost him dearly, for he stopped hurting the slaves, and chose to suffer rather than make them bleed.” He met Faramir’s gaze steadily and thought carefully about what he needed to say next. “The day Saruman died, everyone under his control died as well. One minute, Dorvane was himself – the man he used to be before Saruman bewitched him – and the next, he lay dying in my arms. He told me to leave, to go find you, that I was free.”

The man Faramir remembered would never choose his own pain over that of the slaves. He frowned deeply then as Haldir went on and he knew that at that point had Haldir come to him he wasn’t sure if he could have handled all of this. “And so he died and you moved on with… with one of the other slaves? And the fire?”

Haldir chose his next words carefully. “Please understand, Faramir, that he was not the man you remembered. And know that even then, a year after you’d left, that I still loved you. I thought about you often, and a part of me still belonged to you. That part will always love you, but… but Dorvane didn’t die that day and I did not move on with another slave.” Blue eyes met blue eyes and Haldir held Faramir’s hand even more tightly so he wouldn’t pull away. “I couldn’t leave him, Faramir, and I couldn’t let him die because… I had fallen in love with him. He – Dorvane – is the man I hope to marry.”

To say Faramir was shocked was an understatement. He simply sat there for a moment trying to take in the information and stared wide-eyed at Haldir. “Dorvane is the man you are in love with?” he could hardly think to speak and simply gaped at him. “How could you… how could you fall in love with him, even if… even if he were being controlled all that time, after all he did to hurt you, to hurt me… all of us there… Gods, Haldir… how can you look at him and not see all the pain he put you through?”

“Because,” Haldir said softly, “I can look at him and know that his pain was as great as ours. I do not love the man that held us prisoner, Faramir, I love the man who lay writhing on the floor in pain rather than willingly take one drop of my blood. The man who lost everyone he loved and was manipulated by Saruman and bit by bit, was losing his very soul. I love the man he is now, the one who rides into the villages at night to deliver food to the families he hurt and shies away from people because of the guilt he still feels for what he did… that is the man I love… not the one he used to be.” He rested his free hand on Faramir’s arm and shook his head. “He is here with me, Faramir, terrified that I am going to leave him for you. He is to me, I believe, what your husband is to you.”

As Haldir spoke, Faramir was surprised by the conviction in his voice. Dorvane had suffered just like they had; Haldir had seen the private side of the man who so often hurt them. What would he have thought witnessing that side of things? Faramir took a deep breath as Haldir grasped his arm lightly and said Dorvane was there. A part of him wanted to reject the very idea of that monster he remembered being in his city, being near Haldir now but most of all the look on Haldir’s face convinced him it was all true. “He… he is here… I… I cannot completely understand it all but… I was not there, I did not live what you lived. I do not think you would choose a man who was intentionally cruel though. If he was controlled by Saruman’s magic like Théoden was… then I can understand to a point at least. But again as I said before if he ever treats you poorly or hurts you, I’ll hunt him down,” Faramir said firmly.

“He would never hurt me, and I must say the same for your husband if he hurts you. An Elf fight is not a pretty thing to see… all that hair flying you know.” Haldir smiled and glanced toward the Inn, but the sun was shining at the window and he couldn’t see if Dorvane was looking at them or not. His expression turned serious as he thought about how afraid Dorvane had looked when they’d said goodbye. “You asked about the fire… he and I burned the farm to the ground. He wanted to make sure no one was ever hurt there again, and we both needed to do it to close the door on the past. After it burned, we just headed toward the mountains and found a home.”

Faramir smiled when Haldir teased about an Elf fight and knew Legolas would defend him in just the same way. He watched as Haldir’s gaze went to the window overlooking the courtyard and then looked back at the Elf he had made so many plans with in that prison to get him through. A happy ending he had now but with someone else. As Haldir spoke of the fire he could hear the finality in his voice, that somehow burning the farm had given him and his lover closure of some kind and now this… seeing each other again was another step toward putting the past behind them all. “I have a hard time believing the change in Dorvane but… but you look healthy and seem happy to me. You are? Truly happy then?” Faramir asked needing to see the honesty in Haldir’s eyes.

Their gazes met and Haldir didn’t flinch. “I am. I love him as much as I once hated him, if that makes any sense.” The Elf smiled, pushing back the memories of the bad things that happened in favor of all the good memories… so, so very many good memories. “And you? Your Elf makes you happy as well? That was the main reason I came… to make sure the rumors were true, that you had wed and were in love. And I needed you to forgive me for not saying a proper goodbye.”

Faramir was relieved to see the honesty he was searching for and smiled. “I am very happy… Legolas was there for me when the memories came flooding back. It… one minute I had lost almost three months of my life and suddenly I remembered them all, every moment, the pain, the love we shared, the hope you gave me in my darkest time. To say I felt guilty that I had fallen in love with Legolas was an understatement… and I went in search of you. I know it broke his heart to do it but he went with me and when we found the burned farm I thought you were dead. Less than a month later Legolas asked me to marry him. He had been planning to before my memories came back in fact. And… I think we can say we forgive each other for moving on. We had no choice, what we had was beautiful, Haldir, and I will cherish it for the rest of my life. You saved me, more than offering yourself in my place, you saved me all those days before. You kept me from giving up and from breaking and I will always, always love you for that.”

Haldir blinked back tears and released Faramir’s hand to hug him. “It was beautiful, wasn’t it?” he asked softly. “I will always love you too, Faramir, and remember the times we laughed and loved, rather than the times we cried and were in pain.” He drew away and shook his head. “I think you and I would have been happy together, had we escaped. I think we would have had a wonderful life, a happy marriage, and would have been devoted to one another for as long as we lived. That didn’t happen, thanks to Saruman, but I think we both ended up with those wonderful lives… just with different people.” He glanced toward the Inn again, still unable to see inside. “Would you like to see him, Faramir, see the man he is now… the man I love? Or is it still too painful?”

Faramir returned the hug almost fiercely. He no longer was in love with Haldir but he still cared deeply for this Elf who had endured so much and had befriended him and offered him love and a light in so much darkness at a time when Faramir most needed it. “I do remember the happy moments,” Faramir said softly. “I think we would have been happy too,” Faramir said softly and then pulled back to look into Haldir’s eyes. “And you are just as beautiful as I remember,” he added, smiling as he gazed into bright blue eyes. It took him a moment to release Haldir after he spoke of meeting Dorvane and he looked down for a moment. “A part of me wants to say no but I think I need to see this ‘changed man’ you are talking about. I want to see with my own eyes that you truly are with a man who treats you as you should be treated and loves you the way you deserve to be loved.”

Faramir’s embrace was just as sweet as Haldir had remembered. Even after all this time and all that had happened, Faramir was still just as protective toward Haldir as the Elf was to him, which said a lot considering just how short their time together had really been. He stood, offered Faramir his arm, and nodded toward the Inn. “He is waiting there, certain that I will not come back to him.” Haldir smiled sadly and studied Faramir’s face as they walked. “Please try and find it in your heart to be kind to him, Faramir. He is still wounded, maybe more so than you and I. He still bears Saruman’s scars both on the inside and out… and to this day he swears he does not deserve me. I know he is wrong… I just haven’t managed to convince him of that yet.”

Faramir’s first instinct upon thinking Dorvane the man who had tortured so many was in his city was to have the man arrested and hanged but Haldir seemed so happy and so certain the man was no longer the same. He stood with him and walked beside the Elf, his arm looped through Haldir’s not in a need to touch him but to offer friendly support. It wouldn’t be easy for Haldir to see the worry in his lover’s eyes; Faramir had seen that same worry in Legolas’ eyes as well. “I think my husband sought out your lover… I saw him out of the corner of my eye disappear into the Inn…”

Legolas stood next to the window, eyes closed, and arms wrapped around himself. He was exhausted from pacing, and though it killed him to look out the window, he couldn’t seem to stop himself either. “They hugged,” he moaned, backing away from the window and pacing again. “Not a quick one either. They’ll probably kiss next… I… I can’t look. I’ve lost him… He told me I wouldn’t but… they hugged. If they had broken up, it wouldn’t be so hard, but… they didn’t. They were torn apart, and who can blame them for wanting each other again? I mean… look at them! They look beautiful together! WHY do they have to look beautiful together?”

Dorvane was in much the same agitated state as Legolas. He stood with his fingers curled into his palms, his nails biting into the flesh just to keep him from going crazy. They always did look beautiful together. Of course Legolas had not known that Dorvane had witnessed the two of them pleasuring each other for his ‘entertainment’ each time wishing he was the one that Haldir looked at that way… now he was the one Haldir gave those looks to but what if not any longer? “The hug… could just be goodbye… Haldir wanted to say goodbye,” Dorvane offered lamely and looked over at the distraught Elf. He wanted with everything in him to fight for Haldir but he knew it would only destroy him. When he looked back though the pair were gone.

Panicked, Dorvane leaned closer to the window, searching for any sign of the couple. “They’re gone,” he said looking back at Legolas who looked as if he was about to collapse.

“G… gone?” The Elf knew at that moment his whole world had ended. “They… didn’t even say goodbye, but… I suppose one can’t blame them…” He swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped at his eyes, determined not to break down in front of this stranger… though he, if anyone, would understand. “What… what do we do now?”

Dorvane stood there staring at the Elf, not sure what to say. Curl up in a ball and cry would be one thing but he couldn’t suggest that. Before he could answer the door to the room opened and he stood there, staring at his lover and the man he was certain he’d lost him to. All the color drained out of Dorvane’s face as Faramir seemed to stare right through him for a moment and he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

Faramir was prepared for seeing Dorvane, or at least thought he was. When the door opened he was almost rooted in place as he stared at the man he had hated with a passion. He did not look the same though. That hardness that he remembered around his mouth and eyes was not there. He was not dressed in black as he always had been and at the moment he looked so frightened that it was almost heartbreaking to look at him. He released his hold on Haldir’s arm after releasing he was practically clinging to the Elf and crossed the room to his husband who looked ready to burst into tears. “Oh, love do not cry,” he whispered, as the first tear appeared shining at the corner of Legolas’ eye. “I just wanted to…” he looked up at Dorvane who looked completely lost, “just wanted to meet Haldir’s fiancé is all.”

Haldir’s heart broke as well as he looked at Dorvane. The man looked miserable and afraid, and as if his entire world had just crashed down around him. As Faramir released his arm, Haldir went to his fiancé and wrapped both arms around him, vaguely hearing Faramir’s words and thankful that at least for now, he wasn’t going to tell Legolas who he was. “Guren,” he whispered, pressing his lips to Dorvane’s cheek, “I told you I would be back. It just took a bit longer for me to explain things than I had expected.” Keeping his arm around his lover, he turned back to Faramir, studying his face carefully. “And you, Legolas, forgive my lack of manners. I did not mean to ignore you earlier, I was just… a bit overwhelmed. I am so used to having D… this handsome man by my side, I sometimes forget my manners when I am alone.”

Dorvane was so grateful when Haldir wrapped his arms around him, he thought he might simply sink to the floor right then. His lips brushed against his mate’s cheek and lips and he nodded as he spoke. “I… I was so afraid of losing you to the one thing I could not fight,” he whispered softly as he held him. When Haldir turned to speak to the others in the room, Dorvane refused to let him go, his arms staying around Haldir’s waist and noticed that Legolas was doing much the same to Faramir.

Legolas looked up and offered a somewhat tearful smile. “Nothing to forgive,” he said softly, “I understood and in moments like that introductions are the last thing on anyone’s mind… and I do not blame you. Your fiancé loves you… he loves you very much,” Legolas said offering an understanding smile to Dorvane.

Faramir looked from his husband to Dorvane then and realized the two had somehow bonded as they waited in this room. Like two condemned men waiting for their sentences to be handed down he supposed. He pulled Legolas just a bit tighter against him, his fingers running over the matching wedding band on his finger. He looked at Dorvane. Really looked at the man. “Take care of him… take care of him or I’ll find you and… I think you understand what I mean,” Faramir said not willing to upset Legolas any further. He’ll be surprised enough that he was commiserating in the same room with the man who had almost killed Faramir… though somehow this was not at all the same man Faramir remembered. He smiled then and offered his hand to him. “Love can do wondrous things can it not?” he asked knowing that Dorvane would understand exactly what he meant.

Nodding in understanding of Faramir’s “threat” and grateful beyond words that the man was offering his hand and not demanding he be hanged before the day was out, that Dorvane slowly released his hold on Haldir’s hip and took Faramir’s in a firm handshake. “It certainly can,” he answered simply as they pulled away from each other again.

Haldir’s shoulders sagged in relief as he saw that Faramir was keeping things easy and civil between them, though the thinly veiled threat made him smile. “I could not agree more,” he said softly, pressing a kiss against Dorvane’s temple as he nodded his thanks to Faramir. “And you don’t have to worry, Faramir. He has taken care of me for a long while now, and I of him. I do not foresee that ever changing, no matter what may come our way.” His gaze traveled to Legolas and he decided that he liked the Elf… that he was very good for Faramir. “And I have no doubt that you, Legolas will take care of this stubborn Ranger. I can see it in your eyes.”

Legolas laughed and nodded. He should, he knew, reach out and rest his hand on Haldir’s shoulder in acknowledgement, but he couldn’t seem to let go of Faramir. Haldir smiled, however, as if he understood, and he seemed to have no intention of letting go of his lover either, so it was just as well.

Faramir stood for another moment, looking at Haldir and in that moment he was finally able to put the ghosts of his past to rest and imagined it was the same for the Elf. “When do you return home?” Faramir asked even as his arms wrapped back around his husband and held him close.

Dorvane looked at Haldir and back to the other couple. “We have not discussed it but we do need to return home soon, we left our farm in the care of another and he has enough to deal with than having to tend our place,” Dorvane said after a moment. “We… we live in a valley near the village of Leigh.”

Faramir nodded and smiled. “It is beautiful there. We must return to the citadel, I have duties to attend to but… you are welcome here in Minas Tirith as long as you like.”

Though they had not left the Inn for the past two days, Haldir suddenly found himself exhausted. He’d waited so long to talk to Faramir and now that it was over, he felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He would love a good night’s sleep and a good meal, but as he looked at Dorvane’s still-haunted eyes, he shook his head, letting his hand run over his lover’s lower back. “We should leave after lunch, I think,” he said, knowing that their quick exit would ease both Dorvane’s and Legolas’ minds. “The Innkeeper promised something warm and tasty. I think we could get several leagues away before nightfall tonight. We really should get back home as soon as possible.”

Understanding that they needed to get back to their farm, Faramir smiled. “Good luck to you both then,” he smiled as he looked at Legolas and back at the other couple, “we wish you well. Goodbye, Haldir,” Faramir said softly, knowing the words simply needed to be said this time.

Haldir knew he would never see Faramir again, though they would remain friends forever. He would miss him, but simply didn’t have it in him to put Dorvane through this ever again. “Goodbye, Faramir. We wish you and Legolas all the best.” Their gazes held for a moment, and more passed between them than words could ever say. They both looked away at the same moment, back to the ones they loved. Smiling at Dorvane, Haldir reached up and gently tugged at a lock of his hair. “Now… I think you promised me a cuddle in front of the fire before lunch, didn’t you, guren?”

Dorvane smiled when Haldir tugged at his hair. “I did, love… I did,” he whispered and saw the other couple head to the door. He wanted to say he was sorry to Faramir but wasn’t sure if it would make any sense at all to his husband. He decided that this would be his only chance. “Faramir?”

The man stopped and looked back at him and Dorvane gave him a heartfelt look. “I… am sorry.”

Faramir nodded. “So am I… Saruman did horrible things to many people. I understand that better than most.” With that the man and his husband left the room, closing the door gently behind them.

“I was so afraid you had left with him, I turned from the window for only a moment because… Legolas was about to have some sort of panic attack when you hugged and… and you were gone and I thought… Gods, I thought I was going to go mad,” Dorvane admitted.

Loving hands framed Dorvane’s face and Haldir pressed a soft kiss to his lips to quiet him. “Do you know what I was thinking as I explained everything to him?” he asked softly, letting his thumb run over his lover’s lips.

Shaking his head, Dorvane stared into loving eyes. “No.” he whispered.

“That I needed you beside me,” Haldir murmured. He gently tucked Dorvane’s dark hair behind his ears and smiled. “I needed your strength, your touch, I just needed you, Dorvane. When I saw Faramir, I remembered so much… and I knew he and I would be friends forever, though we shall never see one another again. But more than anything, even while we were talking, I was wishing you were beside me.”

Dorvane smiled in return and pulled Haldir even closer as he rested his head against the Elf’s. “I am so grateful that you are here right now,” he whispered. “I would have liked to have been with you but… Gods, I’m not sure he would have been able to handle seeing me suddenly like that. If I were him I am not sure I would have handled everything as he did today… I can… I can see why you were attracted to him in the first place,” Dorvane admitted. The man certainly had a gentleness about him and a kindness that not many in this world had.

“He is a good man,” Haldir agreed, brushing a kiss over his lover’s lips. “And I will always care for him. But he is not you,. I am in love with you, and my life is by your side. I know you have had trouble believing that, but it’s true.”

Understanding what Haldir meant about always caring for Faramir, he smiled as his lover went on. “I think that I am starting to really understand that now. I… before, I sort of thought,” Dorvane paused and looked down. “I thought that perhaps you were only with me because you knew you couldn’t have him.”

Haldir felt his very heart hurt at Dorvane’s admission. “If that had been the case, I would have left the day Saruman died. There was no one to stop me, I knew Faramir would have his memory back, and I could have walked right out that door and made my way to Gondor.” He tilted his lover’s face back up and forced Dorvane to meet his gaze. “You have never, ever been second in my heart. From that day on, you have been the only one I wanted, the only one I loved, and the only one I wanted to be with.”

Dorvane felt tears gather in his eyes and hugged Haldir fiercely. “I love you,” he said simply unable to say anything else beyond the lump in his throat. For long moments he held Haldir, simply breathing in the scent of his skin and hair that he loved so much and finally took a deep steadying breath. “I am so grateful for that love and I promise you I will never take it for granted. You did more than save my life that day… you saved my soul.”

Lifting Dorvane up off the ground, Haldir felt long legs wrap around his waist and he held his lover tightly. “Oh, love, the only thing I did was love you with all my heart. If that’s what saved you, then I couldn’t help myself.” He sat down on the edge of the hearth and buried his face against Dorvane’s neck, marking him gently. “You don’t mind if, until we get married, I show the world that you’re taken, do you?” he murmured, licking at the warm skin that was already beginning to turn a dark purple. “Beside the ring, I mean. I don’t want there to be any doubt that you’re loved and wanted.”

Surprised by Haldir’s enthusiasm, Dorvane wrapped himself around his lover as he was carried to the hearth and he sighed softly as loving lips moved against his neck. Leaning back to give his lover more access he grinned. “I would be glad to bear your mark,” he teased, feeling the tension in his body melting away. He had been terrified when Haldir was meeting with Faramir, and now he felt like an idiot for it. Legolas, whom he’d commiserated with, probably felt much the same himself.

Almost growling and suddenly feeling insanely possessive, Haldir pulled Dorvane even closer and marked him again. As he shifted on the hearth, he could feel the ring at the base of his sex, the golden piercing that only the two of them knew about, the jewel that Dorvane had been surprised Haldir had wanted to keep.

He pulled away, tilted his head back and urged his lover’s lips against his skin. “Mark me as yours for the world to see,” he ground out, shifting his hips again and grinding his hips against Dorvane’s.

As Dorvane took in Haldir’s words he felt heat stab through him and wasted no time at all doing exactly what his lover asked of him. His lips fastened on Haldir’s neck and he began to work the skin between his teeth and then soothing with his tongue as his hands wound into his lover’s hair. The weight of the ring on his finger seemed to make his heart warm in his chest. Haldir had truly chosen him.

Haldir’s eyes closed and both arms held his lover in a tight embrace and he felt the sting and then soothing warmth of sharp teeth and a soft, wet tongue moving over his skin. “Tomorrow,” he murmured, tilting his head to the other side to he could be marked there as well, his body now almost panting for air as Dorvane made him want more. “Marry me tomorrow. I tried to find a priest in the town we stopped at yesterday, but he was nowhere to be found. He will be waiting on us tomorrow night thought… if you will still have me. I am tired of waiting. I want to be your husband… I want it to be official and I want everyone to know it.”

Dorvane actually moaned when Haldir spoke of being married the very next day. Officially. “And I would be proud to be yours,” Dorvane said softly as he drew back from his task of marking his lover. They had discussed it many times before, but never really had the opportunity to officially wed. He kissed Haldir again, letting his lover know exactly how happy he was. “Tomorrow cannot come soon enough.”

Sighing into the warmth of his lover’s mouth, Haldir held him close and let him simply explore for as long as he wanted… which was a very long time indeed. They had to pull away for air several times, but their lips always seemed to find their way back to one another’s, even amid wedding plans and hands that explored greedily as if they didn’t already know one another’s bodies as well as they knew their own. They were startled when their lunch was delivered, and Haldir couldn’t resist telling the innkeeper’s son who brought in their food that they were getting married the next day. He told the woman who brought them towels and later, even the servants who brought them buckets of warm water for their bath. His only regret was that they hadn’t married sooner – so he could have at least saved Dorvane the angst and worry he’d suffered earlier that day while Haldir had talked with Faramir. Haldir had no doubts as to whom he wanted to marry, and indeed, if he’d had the rings on the day Dorvane had practically risen from the dead, he would have proposed then.

But tomorrow… all that would be remedied. Tomorrow, they would be married and there would be no more doubts. And he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure that Dorvane never once questioned how much he was loved.

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