Faramir Fiction Archive

Darkness and Light (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

11 August 2009 | 145537 words

Chapter 25

When fall came and the final crop was harvested, Dorvane kept his promise. He and Haldir set out for Gondor just as planned months before. It was still difficult for Dorvane… even wearing Haldir’s ring he felt as if he was going to his own execution in some ways but tried to push those worries and doubts from his mind.

The trip itself was pleasant enough and when they arrived in Minas Tirith Dorvane had brought enough coins earned from their farming to stay in one of the Inns in the upper rings of the city. They made a few inquiries about what the protocol was to visit with the steward’s brother in the citadel and were awaiting word from a man who said he worked as a guard there if they could gain an audience with him though Haldir decided that perhaps he should meet alone with Faramir when the time came. Not because he didn’t want Dorvane to know what would be said, but because he feared Faramir may harm him if he did remember.

They were in the Inn for two days when the guard came and told them that Faramir would indeed meet with the Elf. Dorvane picked up Haldir’s cloak from a chair. “You’ll need this, it is cold today,” he said as he crossed the room to his lover. Beregond the guard had just left and Haldir was readying himself to go meet his former lover.

Now that they were in Minas Tirith, Haldir was a bit worried himself. He had, after all, sent Faramir away without any explanation… though had they discussed what Haldir had planned to offer their captor, he knew Faramir would have balked. And now, here they were, in the very city Faramir served, and Haldir knew he had much to explain. Even more worrisome than anything else, however, was the look in Dorvane’s eyes… as if he thought their every moment together would be their last.

He let Dorvane fuss over him, wrapping and fastening his cloak, and knew how difficult this had to be for his lover. “Thank you, guren. When I get back, perhaps we can snuggle in front of the fire. The innkeeper said he would send more wood up before lunch.”

If you get back. Dorvane smiled a little and nodded. “That sounds good, love,” he whispered. He started to step back but if this was going to be the last time he ever saw Haldir again then he should kiss him soundly, one last time. Pulling his lover close, Dorvane kissed him, tenderly at first and then more deeply pouring all of his love and even fear of losing his lover into the kiss as his tongue explored his lover’s mouth greedily. “I’ll be here waiting,” he said softly.

Haldir gave himself over to the kiss, feeling every bit of Dorvane’s intensity. He couldn’t’ blame his lover for feeling this way, and over the past weeks, every time their gazes had met and he’d seen that hint of fear behind dark eyes, he felt like the most selfish Elf on Arda. He wished he could let go of this need for a real goodbye, but deep down, no matter what he said or did, it would always haunt him… and Dorvane would always know that.

He pulled Dorvane against him and hugged him so tightly neither of them could breathe for a moment. “I love you, Dorvane, and I promise I won’t be gone long. I… I can never thank you enough for standing beside me while I do this, but I will spend the rest of my life trying.” With that he gently released his lover and backed to the door. “Once he understands, I can come back and get you if you like, or I can just talk with him and we can leave at first light tomorrow without you having to see him. It might be difficult for you both, so I won’t push either way.”“

Dorvane stared into earnest blue eyes and nodded. “I love you too and as I said I’ll be here waiting for you. I know why you have to do this… I do understand,” he said softly. “I think it would be harder for him than for me really… so I think the choice should be his.” Dorvane watched as Haldir opened the door and he too moved to the door and watched as Haldir disappeared down the hallway. I hope that wasn’t goodbye.

When Haldir had disappeared Dorvane went to the window to watch him go up the street and the sight he saw caused him to gasp aloud. Faramir had not waited for Haldir to come to him; instead he was standing in the small courtyard outside the Inn looking at Haldir as if he was the only person on Arda. He didn’t know how to react as he stood in the window watching, not able to hear their words and not sure how to handle this moment. His right hand clutched his left, rubbing intently at the ring on his finger and praying to the Valar that Haldir would return to him.

Haldir’s thoughts were so focused on his lover that it took him a moment to notice that he was being watched. He stopped short a few feet in front of the man staring at him and looked into the clear blue eyes that had haunted him for almost two years now. He couldn’t seem to breathe and his heart swelled in his chest as they both stood, speechless and staring for what seemed like forever. “Faramir,” he finally managed, his voice barely above a whisper. “It… is good to see you. You look well.” Even as he spoke, he fought the urge to open his arms to the man he’d called His Ranger, not knowing if Faramir was angry or hurt or… didn’t care at all anymore.

Faramir had been in shock when Beregond had come to him and told him that he thought that perhaps the Elf Faramir had searched for over two years ago now was here in the city. He had thought that Haldir was dead. When he had first regained his memories he went in search of the farm where he’d been held but he did not know where it was. His memories were intact but he had never seen the location or even where on Arda he’d been. He searched but to no avail and then he’d found it. The rubble in the woods of a large farm complex… it had burned to the ground. And with it any hopes of finding Haldir burned as well. Faramir felt Legolas squeeze his hand beside him and heard the soft whisper. “Say something, love.”

Faramir cleared his throat and nodded. “I… I thought… I thought you were dead,” he said softly and stepped forward, his husband releasing his hand so he could move closer to Haldir. He knew the time for introductions was not right now. “I missed you too, Haldir. You… you look well,” Faramir said softly still in shock at seeing the Elf again after so long.

Smiling, Haldir shook his head, feeling guiltier than ever that he hadn’t come to Gondor sooner. “You were never supposed to remember me,” he said softly. “Soon after I found that your memory would be restored after all, I heard you had married, and… I wasn’t sure I should even come.” He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his forehead. “I… just needed to wish you a proper goodbye. I told you goodbye once, but… you were asleep, and I don’t think you heard me.”

Faramir nodded. “I… I thought you were dead. After my memory came back I looked for you. Then I found the farm and it was burned… Legolas,” Faramir turned and looked toward his husband who was standing nearby still, “he came with me to look. It was difficult for him, my seeking for a former lover but I had to do it. When I found the farm though I thought for sure you had died and so a while after we returned we married. I have so many questions… you say you said goodbye to me but… why? Why was I released and why did you stay?”

Haldir looked down for a moment and shook his head, knowing that Legolas must love Faramir as much as Dorvane loved him to have helped him look. It was difficult seeing Faramir after all this time, and though the memories came flooding back, he wished for nothing more than to have Dorvane beside him, lending him his strength. Nodding toward a nearby bench, he looked back at Faramir and shrugged. “I knew you would need answers. That is another reason I’m here. Shall we sit down while I try to explain all that happened?”

Faramir nodded and looked back at Legolas for a moment who smiled tightly at him. “I do have a lot of questions,” Faramir conceded as he moved to the bench and sat down.

Legolas was nervous as he watched his husband walk away with the other Elf. He and Faramir had fallen in love before he had regained his memories and then once he did, Legolas had supported him while he searched for Haldir. It had been the most painful thing he had ever done until now. Beregond had said that Haldir had been in the company of a man and he had assumed he was Haldir’s mate from the way they touched one another. Looking up at the Inn he noticed someone on the second floor looking out the window intently at the bench where Faramir sat with Haldir. That must be Haldir’s lover. Silently, Legolas disappeared from the courtyard and into the Inn where he could go and speak with the man. He might not be able to help much but it would help him immensely to have someone who would understand how he felt.

Haldir sat down as well, and wondered where Faramir’s Elf had wandered off to. He didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable, and only now did he realize he hadn’t even said hello. “Where shall I begin?” he asked, softly. With the fire, or the night you left, or the two years since?”

“Start with the night I left, please. I… I remember making love and being so grateful we had a night together without pain and then I woke up in a forest and my brother found me… I didn’t know how I got there or where I had been… it was very… confusing,” Faramir said softly.

Nodding, Haldir swallowed the lump in his throat and began. “The day Dor… the guards almost killed you on that damnable wheel, I almost lost my mind. It was, in all my two thousand years up to that point, the worst experience of my life. I was selfish… and could not bear to go through that again, so… a few days later, I made an offer to Dorvane. If he would release you, I would give him the one thing he’d always wanted. I promised to be his lover, not his slave, if he freed you and promised that no harm would ever come to you. He granted us one last night together, then, true to his word, he set you free. I asked that you not remember me so you could go on with your life and not spend it trying to find me. And… honestly, I am glad you did. The Elf that was with you looks at you with such devotion in his eyes.”

Hearing what Haldir had to say was painful. Faramir did remember that day, in fact the memories that had flooded back so quickly that day had nearly broken him completely. The pain and loss had almost overwhelmed him but Legolas was the only one who could get through to him and save him from himself. “You gave yourself to that monster to spare me their torture? I… I understand it because I know how painful it was to watch you be hurt but Gods, Haldir… I am so sorry,” he said honestly with pain and compassion in his eyes. He scooted closer and took Haldir’s hand in his own. “The Elf is Legolas… he… he knows all about us and what we went through together. What about you? Please tell me you haven’t been alone… please tell me I have not hurt you by moving on.”

Haldir’s fingers curled around Faramir’s even as he internally winced at the word ‘monster.’ When he looked at the handsome Ranger beside him, he saw a dear, dear friend, someone he used to love, always would love, but not someone he was in love with any longer. “I have not been alone,” he said softly. “I never had any hope that you would remember me. For a long while, I dreamed of finding you, but my deal with Dorvane was that if I ever disobeyed him or tried to escape, he would kill you, so… I knew that as long as you never remembered me, you would find someone to love. You have too much love in you heart not to. Eventually… under the most bizarre of circumstances, I fell in love myself. In fact the man I love and I are engaged to be married soon, and we are very happy together. Much as you and your mate are, I believe.”

Faramir smiled when Haldir said he had found someone too and felt relief. He still loved Haldir but not in the same way he had then. Now it was a common bond, a shared experience, love born of pain and need for something pure in such a horrible situation. When he looked at Haldir now he saw a friend he cared for deeply but nothing more than that. He was grateful that he too had someone to love him and be loved by. “I am so happy for you, Haldir. I hope he takes wonderful care of you or he’ll have to answer to me,” Faramir said smiling genuinely at his former lover whom now he felt only a great affection for, like a deep friendship but not love in a romantic sense. “Now… tell me about the fire… what happened there after I… after I left?”

Meanwhile inside the room Dorvane shared with Haldir, the man stood in the window his eyes fixed on the sight of his lover talking to Faramir. His eyes were so fixed on the former couple that he didn’t see the Elf that had arrived with Faramir disappear. When he heard a knock on the door he considered not answering it in favor of remaining where he was unless this was the last time he would see his lover. The knock was insistent though and he sighed heavily as he crossed the room and pulled the door open. “What is it, I am busy right now,” he snapped, irritated at the interruption.

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