Faramir Fiction Archive

Darkness and Light (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

11 August 2009 | 145537 words

Chapter 21

Another day and a half passed after Dorvane woke up before the slave that had been taking care of the others got up the nerve to tentatively knock on the former slave master’s door. He’d heard them talking in the last few days, he knew when he’d approached the door the first time that the Elf had said that Dorvane had been ill but had not died as the other guards had. He had been as patient as he could be, but it was too much for him trying to tend all the other slaves alone. He needed to get them out and without a key he couldn’t do that. The doors were still locked through a magical spell that allowed him to pass food or water through but no person could pass through the doorways even with them wide open. He suspected the only person who knew how to break through that was Dorvane and until just two days ago the man had been unconscious… he had tried to offer time for him to become awake and aware but now he really needed to release the other slaves. Dorvane had no more guards, no more Saruman and had no right to keep them. He gathered his courage and knocked on the heavy door.

Haldir, who had been changing the dressing on Dorvane’s wrists, knew that their visitor had to be the one slave who remained free. Dorvane was finally regaining his strength and his wounds were healing over, though they were still raw and weeping in some spots and likely would be for a few more days to come, despite the teas and ointments Haldir faithfully made and administered several times a day. He knew the slaves were impatient to be free, but also knew that overtaxing Dorvane too early would gain them nothing, so he’d been reluctant to push the issue, knowing the freed slave would come to them if there was a problem. Tying the last bandage carefully in place, he kissing his lover’s knuckles and smiled, then crawled off the bed and studied Dorvane’s face. “Are you ready to speak with him?” he asked, knowing Dorvane would know of whom he spoke.

Dorvane heard the knock as well and looked up at Haldir as he finished what he was doing. He smiled as his lover’s lips brushed against his skin and he nodded. “We cannot put this off, those slaves need to go home now,” he said softly. “The key he is needing is there, inside that chest where the masters to the submission rings are. I suspect that the rings are disabled, maybe even released on their own like my wrist bands did… if not you may give him the entire box of them so the slaves can remove them,” Dorvane explained his weak arm barely able to stay up long enough to point to the wooden box in question.

“I do not have to let him,” Haldir said, meeting Dorvane’s gaze. He knew facing the slaves – any of them – would be difficult, and possibly dangerous, and honestly wasn’t very keen on the idea at all. He’d been in the slaves’ position not so long ago, and knew how much he’d hated Dorvane then – quite possibly as much as he loved him now. Surely they would like to see him dead. “I can simply give him everything he needs now that I know where they are. There is no need to tax yourself.”

Dorvane nodded. “I understand… just… there are a few things I need to tell him,” he paused as the knock sounded more urgently this time, “before he peels the skin of his knuckles knocking.” He frowned and looked up at Haldir. “I know you want to protect me and frankly, I know I cannot protect myself right now, if you need to keep him in the doorway so be it…”

Biting back a sigh, Haldir went to the doorway and tried to reconcile himself with feeling so at odds with the man on the other side of the door. He hoped there would be no violence – indeed, the slave used to be a friend before he started calling Haldir “Dorvane’s whore” under his breath, and in truth, Haldir couldn’t blame him. But the slaves, didn’t know this Dorvane, the man he had become, the man he was beneath all the evil Saruman had blanketed him in, had forced upon him.

Schooling his features, he opened the door and gave his former a friend a hard look. “You may speak with him, but you may not come inside. And know that if you try and hurt him, either with weapons or words, I will repay you tenfold, no matter that we used to be friends. Things have changed since then, in more ways than you know.”

Mardil was slightly irritated by how long it had taken for the door to open and he scowled at the Elf for a moment. He started to speak but before he could the Elf was already laying out ground rules. His scowl grew deeper and he shook his head. “I have no weapons, I just want keys to free the other slaves, I cannot take care of them all on my own and I want to leave this place, just give me what I ask for and I will leave,” he snapped. If the others wanted to take revenge that was up to them, he just wanted to do what he thought was only right, free them, and then leave.

Dorvane frowned as Haldir and the slave exchanged words. “I have told Haldir what you needed to free them all, you will find horses and wagons in the stables I’m sure you’ve found them and been feeding them have you not?” Dorvane asked from the bed.

Mardil nodded. “Aye, I’ve been feeding them and every other blasted thing on this farm,” he said irritably.

“The slaves may take the horses and wagons to leave this place, take provisions as needed but I will ask that a wagon and 6 horses be left behind along with provisions for Haldir and myself. Can this be done?” Dorvane asked, knowing that the slaves would love nothing more to leave them there without transportation or food.

Haldir stayed between Mardil and Dorvane so that the two men could barely see one another. His voice softened a bit when he saw that apparently, Mardil, at least, meant no harm. “Please, Mardil,” he said in a more reasonable voice. “There is no need to tell the other slaves that Dorvane is alive… or that I am, for that matter. Simply free them a few at a time, and give them what they need, and do as Dorvane asks. You can see, he is not the cruel slave master he used to be. He was controlled by Saruman just as we were controlled by those damnable submission rings. If they come for him, they will have to kill me first, and neither of us have any wish to die, not now.”

Mardil narrowed his eyes in thought as Dorvane made requests and then Haldir did as well. He frowned, he really didn’t care if Dorvane was controlled by Saruman or not, he didn’t care at all but by looking at him, he had suffered in some way. Not nearly enough though it had not been Dorvane who had captured him all those years ago, he merely held and tortured him and in the last months… the torture had been less and less until it was almost none at all and none from Dorvane’s own hands. Maybe he was a different man than he believed? “Six horses, a wagon and provisions… fine, I will make sure they are set aside and no one else knows about them. Just give me the keys and I will set about my tasks so I may leave this place.”

Quickly, Haldir gathered the box and master key as Dorvane had instructed, keeping a wary eye on Mardil as he did so. “You are a good man, Mardil. Please do not betray our trust. You know that if anyone attacks, I may die protecting him, but I will take some of our attackers with me. There has been enough death and pain in the place already.” He placed one hand on Mardil’s shoulder and met his gaze. “He is a good man as well. Trust me as you once did, when we were friends, not enemies, when we comforted one another rather than traded hurtful words and hateful looks every time our paths crossed.”

Dorvane watched the exchange between Haldir and Mardil with interest, hoping that the man would keep his word.

“I could honestly say I do not care what happens to either of you but you are both alive and at one time you were my friend. You took care of me when we shared a cell and I will not betray that kindness. You are right, enough bad has happened in this place. I will not break your trust and tell the others, I will just tell them it took time to break into the sealed room to find the keys,” he explained. “Just keep quiet and out of sight until the others are all gone, I did not wish to stay longer than I had to, to release the others but I will stay and keep my promise.”

Dorvane almost flinched when the man said he didn’t care of happened to either of them, he certainly deserved that but not Haldir. Never Haldir. “Mardil… do me a favor and consider that Haldir may have had no choice but to become what you all called him… he has been here longer than any of you and it wasn’t until this last year that he gave in to my whims… please remember that.”

Mardil simply stared at the man, not sure what he wanted to believe, it was simply easier to hate than it was to understand or empathize with the man or the Elf before him. “I said I’d keep my promise, beyond that I can promise nothing more,” he said as Haldir handed him the box. He would dearly love to repay Dorvane for every beating and rape he had ever endured in this horrid place but that would take time and fighting Haldir who had in fact at one time been a person he considered a friend. He’d spent enough time in this place and Haldir had as well, if this is what the Elf chose in the end of it all then he could have it. “Good luck to you Haldir, even if I do still think you’ve lost your mind.”

“No, not my mind, only my heart,” Haldir said softly, giving Dorvane a look that said much more than words ever could as he ushered Mardil towards the door. “Whatever you think of me – or of us, Mardil, thank you for your help. If I can ever repay you for this one day, I will.”

Dorvane found himself smiling foolishly at Haldir, barely registering the look of absolute shock on Mardil’s face as he did so.

Mardil had been completely taken by surprise, not so much by Haldir’s words, though they were surprising but the smile on Dorvane’s face. He’d never in the 4 years he’d been a captive of the man’s had he ever seen him truly smile. Smirk yes but never a smile like that. Mardil quickly looked up at the Elf and shook his head. “I… you… you owe me nothing,” he said still shocked as he took a better hold on the box and turned around to leave the room. He shook his head as if to clear it and looked back at Haldir. “Good luck to you, Haldir.” With that the man left to go free the other slaves.

Locking the door behind him, Haldir crossed the room again and reclaimed his place on the bed beside Dorvane once more. “I think we can trust him. The others will most likely think both you and I were killed when S… when the wizard died, so I doubt they will even give us a second thought in their haste to return to their homes. It is probably best that way.”

Dorvane was still smiling a bit as Haldir sat beside him. Just the thought that Haldir had admitted even a small part of what they shared felt good. “I think we can trust him as well, he does not seem to care about anything but leaving here as quickly as possible. That works to everyone’s advantage I think,” Dorvane said softly.

Slipping an arm around his lover, Haldir rested against the headboard and pressed a kiss to Dorvane’s temple. “Aye. It is for the best. It will be good, I think, for them all to return to their families. That will help them more than anything else ever could.”

Dorvane sat quietly for a moment before looking up and catching Haldir’s gaze with is own. “I… I know we have already discussed this… at least a little but… I want to offer you this one more time. It kills me to do it but… are you certain you do not wish to return to your family or seek out… seek out the Ranger? You know… when Saruman’s magic was broken; his hold on your Ranger’s memory was broken as well. The man must remember now and may even be looking for you. I… I do no want you to regret your choices.”

Haldir had given that particular question a lot of thought over the past few days, and knew he had to tread carefully with his answer. Dorvane was still so convinced that Haldir was only humoring him, or was going to change his mind, that the wrong words could drive him away forever, but, there was unfinished business and the Elf truly did feel as if it needed finishing.

Being especially careful of his lover’s hands and arms, Haldir gently pulled Dorvane into his lap and wrapped both arms around him. “I will never regret you, love, and I want to be with you for the rest of his life and beyond. But… I do feel as if I need to explain to Faramir – who is no longer ‘my’ Ranger what happened that night. I think I owe him that much. Especially if he does remember me now. I don’t want him to think I simply cast him and all we shared aside on a whim. But… make no mistake, it is you, and only you, I want to be with.”

Dorvane watched Haldir’s eyes, the answer seemed to be completely honest but a part of him still refused to believe that Haldir would stay with him if he did find the Ranger again. He merely nodded, not sure how to say anything else for a few moments. “Then we should make plans, I think we are in agreement that this place should be destroyed.”

“Yes… it should. When you are well enough to travel, we can burn this place down and start over, just the two of us, and leave this place far behind,” Haldir agreed. Tracing his fingertips over the beloved face before him, he continued. “Tell me what you envision – a garden? Animals? A library or a castle or a hollowed out tree or a stone fortress? Anything you want, guren… anything at all.”

Dorvane smiled and leaned into the sweet touch, certain that it would not matter what he wanted, it would not come to pass. “I am not sure… my father was a merchant… I was to be one as well and then… I’ve spent the last 17 years as a slave master on this ‘farm’… but… I do… well… like the peacefulness of that. I never liked the city where I grew up… I liked the wilds too much, wherever we go, I would like it to be… quiet.”

Haldir saw a glimmer of doubt flickering behind Dorvane’s dark eyes as he spoke. Gently resting his palm on the side of his lover’s face, he frowned and let their gazes meet. “You doubt my feelings for you,” he stated, knowing it was the truth at once. “Oh, love, if I had wanted Faramir, I would have gone to him the moment you were unconscious. But I’m here. I’m always going to be here.” If you only knew what happened while you slept, you would believe.

Dorvane looked down. “It is not that I doubt, I am just not confident your feelings are as strong as they are for… for the Ranger. Now, you might feel obligated, feel pity for me… but that may change and I won’t blame you for it. When you do leave me… I will not hate you or blame you and I’ll be grateful for the time I did have with you.” His words were so much different than the man he had been before who took whatever he wanted.

“I am not leaving,” Haldir said firmly, hooking a finger under Dorvane’s chin and gently tilting his face up again. “I love you. I do not pity you – you are the strongest man I have ever known, guren. You overcame such great evil by your strength and will alone that I am in awe of you.” He leaned forward, pressed a soft, warm, and loving kiss against his lover’s lips and rested their foreheads together. “When we celebrate hundred years together, you will look back on this and see how wrong your words were. Because I promise, I will still be with you then, no matter where you are… and I will remind of you of this day.”

Dorvane offered the best smile he could and nodded. “I shall hold you to that then,” he whispered. He did not wish to argue the point any further, he knew Haldir cared for him and had said he loved him, there was no question he felt loved but would it be enough to sustain the Elf? If he was very lucky Haldir would stay, outlive him and move on. If he was not lucky, the Elf would stay a short time before leaving him, so they might as well make the best of every possible moment. “Until Mardil comes back perhaps we could just rest here and relax. I want to recuperate as soon as possible so we can leave this place, I think Mardil had the right of it there.”

Haldir bit back a frown, knowing he had made little leeway in changing Dorvane’s mind, but having no idea what else to say. Only time would prove him right. His hand slid down his lover’s neck and urged him to rest his head against Haldir’s shoulder, and the Elf closed his eyes as well. “Aye, rest, love. I want nothing more than for you to feel better, and I think the sooner we get away from here, the better off we will both be.”

The notion made Dorvane feel equal parts excited and apprehensive. If his fears came true it meant Haldir would leave him sooner rather than later but if not… if just by chance Haldir would stay… he would never for one moment give him a reason to regret that choice. Dorvane closed his eyes and sighed as he snuggled just a little closer. His arms weren’t healed enough to wrap around Haldir but his fingers had enough strength to at least brush lightly against Haldir’s. “I love you,” he whispered softly as he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

Dipping his head down, Haldir pressed his lips against Dorvane’s in another kiss. Then trust me. He thought the words, but didn’t say them. Dorvane had enough on his mind now, and Haldir couldn’t bear to add to that, especially by telling him the one thing that would prove just how much he loved him. “I love you too,” he murmured, caressing his lover’s arms and resting his head against dark hair. I’m going to prove that to you, too, Dorvane, if it’s the last thing I ever do.

The days passed swiftly after Mardil released all of the slaves and left. Dorvane and Haldir were completely alone on the farm for a time, both of them thankful none of the slaves had ever thought to double back and check Dorvane’s rooms. Once Dorvane was well enough to stand and walk around the rooms and got to the point that he could dress himself he knew it was time.

He and Haldir packed the last of everything useful from his chambers, and the last of the food in a large wagon that Mardil had left for them along with the horses they asked for. Dorvane wasn’t sure he had trusted the former slave to keep his word, but he had. With the last of the horses tied to the back and front of the wagon they could use them along the way to barter with. Dorvane was looking out at everything as Haldir stepped up beside him. “This is it…”

Haldir looked at the place that had been his home for the past nine years. With the exception of the rooms he and Dorvane shared, he hated every inch of the place. Everywhere he looked, he remembered some humiliation, some torture, some sick game that had been played on him or one of the other slaves. He was more grateful than he could say that Dorvane didn’t want to stay… and better yet, wanted to destroy the place, though they had no idea where they were going from here. “Aye,” he said softly, resting his arm around his lover’s waist. “I think this place will always feel marked by evil and pain to me… to any of the firstborn, really. The very air is heavy with it.”

Dorvane wrapped his now healed arm around Haldir as well, nodding in agreement. “It is,” he stated simply and looked at Haldir for a moment. “And now it is time to be rid of it for good,” he said reaching over the picking up the oil lamp. “I thought you would like to be the one to set it all ablaze,” he whispered softly, knowing just how much Haldir hated this place.

Haldir nodded and took the lamp, throwing it a few feet in front of them where they’d piled bales of hay next to the worst part of the whole place – the ‘play rooms.’ The glass shattered, scattering oil all over the side of the building and saturating the hay beneath it. His eyes were fixed on the wooden siding but his words were directed at his lover. “You have much to leave behind here as well,” he observed. “Why don’t you light the match, and I will throw it so this place is destroyed by both our hands?”

Watching as Haldir’s jaw set and he threw the lamp, Dorvane felt a sense of satisfaction wash over him as he saw the oil soaking into the dry hay. When his lover asked him to light the match he nodded. “I’d love to,” he answered as he took the matches and the stone and struck a single one, cupping his hand around it to make sure it took hold and then he handed it off to Haldir was a small kiss to his cheek. “We are closing the door on this chapter of ours lives and opening another,” he said softly.

Haldir drug his eyes away from the building and his gaze softened at once at the sincerity in Dorvane’s voice and expression. He carefully took the match and, making sure it was burning well enough not to burn out, flicked it with his wrist. It landed perfectly on top of the oil-soaked hay just as both Man and Elf took a few steps back. The fire was immediate, hot, and immensely satisfying. Haldir stared for a moment, holding and being held, mesmerized by the flames that would consume this, one of the most terrible and hated places on Arda, and finally turned back to his lover. “Aye. The door to our future awaits us… and I am more than ready to open it.”

Dorvane slipped both arms around Haldir’s waist and rested his chin on his lover’s shoulder as the fire caught and began to hungrily eat through the hay and flames began to move up the wood siding of the first building. The fire spread quickly as if knowing it had a job to do. When Haldir looked at him and spoke he smiled and brushed a sweet, loving kiss against his lips. “Let’s open it together,” Dorvane said softly as he moved away and began to lead Haldir toward the wagon. “What direction?”

Haldir closed his eyes and spun them both around in a circle until they were dizzy. When he opened them, he turned in the direction Dorvane was facing. “That way,” he said, pressing a kiss against his lover’s lips. “Let’s go find our home, guren.”

Dorvane laughed as Haldir spun them, glad he hadn’t lost his footing at the unexpected exuberance his lover had. He smiled when Haldir pointed ahead of them and he gave him one last squeeze in his arms before they went to their wagon and climbed on. The fire was raging and crackling behind them now but neither of them looked back as they headed only the Valar knew where.

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