Faramir Fiction Archive

Darkness and Light (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

11 August 2009 | 145537 words

Chapter 18

Haldir sighed and traced his fingertips over the thick pane of glass that separated him from the outside world he’d longed for, for so long. There had been roses just outside the window of his old cell – he remembered pointing them out to Faramir often, but they had always been just out of reach. Now, here, just outside of the room he shared with Dorvane, there were more roses in every color imaginable – yellow, pink, red, and his favorite, a pure, perfect white rose that grew just beyond the edge of the clearing. It was odd, all the rich colors surrounding them, in such a normally dark and dreary place, but someone, at some time, had taken enough care to at least give the place a touch of beauty.

As his gaze settled wistfully on the single white rose, Haldir was thinking not of Faramir this time, but of the book Dorvane had given him, remembering his favorite passages, and the look of surprise on his lover’s face as he’d thanked him. One day, if he was ever allowed out, he thought, he should like to have that rose. Not for himself – but to give to Dorvane as a thank you for the kindness he had shown in the past months, for the gentleness and for all that he’d suffered at Saruman’s hands. But… he would never ask to go outside, never let Dorvane know how much he longed for it, for no matter how close they were, he would never complain. It was, he remembered, part of their deal, and one he’d found, to his surprise, that in the end, he’d had very little trouble honoring once he’d gotten to know the real Dorvane.

In the days that followed after Saruman’s ‘visit,’ Dorvane was back to normal relatively quickly thanks to Haldir. If he had not cut himself the way he had, then Dorvane might have died if he had not gone to the slaves.

During those days after, Dorvane spent a great deal of time with Haldir when he wasn’t needed elsewhere around the ‘farm’ that housed the slaves. Beatings were becoming less common and over the course of the last few months Dorvane’s ‘appetite’ for the slaves waned, he only wanted Haldir. He did continue to allow the guards to take the slaves but only ever when he approved of it.

In the last month, Saruman’s army had been too busy to send troops to them, so that the slaves could pleasure them. That was fine by Dorvane, often times he spent way too much time bickering with the various captains about their ‘selections’ anyway. He was still responsible for making sure everyone had food, fresh linens, and any thing else needed in the slave quarters but this did not take up all of his time. It afforded him time to actually spend back in his quarters with Haldir if he chose to, and more often than not, he was choosing to spend his free time with Haldir.

Part of him wondered if Haldir was grateful in the mornings when Dorvane left, even though the Elf now said he cared for him and had more than proven that, Dorvane at times was still skeptical.

This morning he had finished giving orders to the guards and returned quietly to the rooms he shared with Haldir. He wasn’t sneaking back into the room exactly, but he did move slowly and quietly as he could.curious to see what Haldir might be doing in his absence.

What he found almost took his breath away.

Haldir was standing before the window, his body cast in a golden glow from the sunlight pouring through it and his hair shone so brightly the Elf almost seem to glow. Gods, he would always be the single most beautiful being Dorvane had ever encountered, the man was sure of that. He almost spoke but held his breath as he saw the look of longing on Haldir’s face. Longing for his Ranger? Jealousy wanted to rear its head within him, but then he noticed the way slender fingers moved against the charmed unbreakable glass pane. Haldir was looking at the rose bush.Gods, why hadn’t he considered it before? The Elf had been a captive for over 8 years now; he had never set foot outside, unless being moved from one set of buildings to another. He was an Elf, Dorvane knew enough about their kind to know that being deprived of nature itself was probably worse than many of the tortures he himself had bestowed upon Haldir. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, alerting Haldir to his presence.

The smile on Haldir’s face as he turned was genuine, though he had been a bit startled by Dorvane’s presence. His eyes were sparkling and he crossed the room at once to take his lover’s hand. At first, it had been demanded, but after a while, it had become second nature, and now, it was no chore at all. His touch always seemed to make Dorvane happy, and truth be told, the Elf found pleasure in it as well. “You caught me unawares, Dorvane,” he began as he leaned in and pressed their lips together in a warm, inviting kiss, lingering several moments longer than he had only months ago, “but I am glad you’re back early. Shall I order our lunch now or would you like to rest first?”

Dorvane found himself smiling, it had almost startled him the first time he had done that with Haldir. He had no reason to smile, not a real smile, not a smirk or a evil grin but a real genuine smile.the Elf had brought that to him so easily. He took Haldir’s hand as the Elf kissed him so sweetly, his mouth caressing Dorvane’s. “I finished earlier than I thought I might,” he said softly. Haldir was still trying to get him to rest often, though he was fully recovered from his magical torture, the Elf acted.worried. “I do not need to rest,” he said softly as he reached up to tuck a lock of soft blond hair behind an elegant ear. “You were staring out the window when I came in.you miss it don’t you? Miss being.outside in the sunlight, you looked so beautiful as you stood there you know.”

Haldir looked down for a moment, blushing at the compliment and wishing he hadn’t let Dorvane see the longing in his eyes. “I… thank you. I was just lost in thought when you came in and… well… there are times, aye, when it feels as if I will never know the wind on my face again, or the feeling of the moonlight touching my skin,” he admitted, wrapping an arm around his lover’s waist and leading him toward the small sofa despite Dorvane’s protests that he didn’t need to rest. “There is something out there, one particular flower that I think is exceptionally beautiful. I have been longing to touch it for weeks now, and it seems to grow more beautiful every day. I was thinking of it when you walked in.” He tugged Dorvane down on the sofa and curled up beside him. “But I have nothing to complain about. I am content. I can see the flowers, and that is plenty, Dorvane. Truly, it is nothing for you to concern yourself about.”

Dorvane was delighted to see the light blush that stained Haldir’s cheeks at his compliment but his delight was tempered with sadness when Haldir spoke of the wind and moonlight and the lovely flowers outside their window. Before he knew it though, Haldir was practically apologizing for even considering anything outside this set of rooms and had pulled him down onto the couch. “I did not say you were complaining.in fact, you never complain about anything. I could see the longing in your eyes, Haldir.I.I wish to thank you for taking care of me and.being there for me when you could have ignored my pain. Could have enjoyed seeing me in pain in fact, but you didn’t. You bled for me of your own choice, Haldir. I will not forget that.and I would like to give you a gift. Would you like to see that flower? Would you like to go outside with me?”

Blue eyes betrayed the excitement Haldir tried hard not to show. The very idea of being outside again stirred the basest part of him, the part that would always be at one with nature herself, and though he struggled to remain calm, he was barely able to sit still. “I would absolutely love to go outside with you, Dorvane,” he managed, finally giving in and throwing his arms around the man beside him. The thought struck him that the Dorvane of old would never have even considered such a kindness, and with that, the thoughts of the pain his lover had suffered so recently raced through his mind. He pulled away and looked into dark sparkling eyes. “You are a good man, Dorvane. Sometimes I think you do not believe it yourself, but you are. This is yet another way you show it without even knowing.”

The look in Haldir’s eyes was worth more than anything Dorvane could think of, it was a look of pure joy, something the man had not seen a great deal of the last 17 years. He was taken aback when Haldir’s arms flew around him and he laughed softly. “No.I am not a good man, Haldir.but I love you,” he whispered and stood up. “Come, we will take a walk,” Dorvane said offering his hand. It was sad in a way; the roses were one of Saruman’s petty mind games. He had the most beautiful rose bushes planted below the unopenable windows of every room of the farm. “Perhaps we can even have our lunch outside?”

Haldir took Dorvane’s hand and stood beside him, nodding eagerly, but he didn’t move just yet. “I would love to have lunch outside,” he grinned, barely able to keep from simply dragging Dorvane to the door in his haste to actually breathe fresh air again. But… he had one small point to clear up first. His free arm wrapped around his lover’s waist and he gently bit the full, soft bottom lip before him. “And now that I truly know you, Dorvane, I think you are a good man. So please don’t spoil this wonderful gift by arguing with me about this. Just… accept it, and let me win this argument please?”

The man could sense Haldir’s eagerness and could almost feel his excitement coursing through himself as well. His arms slid around Haldir easily as the Elf turned to him and kissed him. He felt humbled for a moment at the look in those ageless blue eyes. “I.” he did want to deny it again.but found that the look in Haldir’s eyes held him too captivated to do so. If the Elf thought him a good man, he would not argue, even if he knew better. “Fine.no arguing,” he smiled. “Come on.we shall go see your flowers and I’ll make sure a guard will bring our meal out to us.”

Without further hesitation, Haldir was tugging on Dorvane’s hand, almost vibrating with the need to be outdoors now that it was finally, after so many years, now possible. He’d never thought to ask, but wondered now if he had asked months ago if Dorvane wouldn’t have let him.

There was no possibility he would try to escape, Dorvane knew that, but in truth, the idea now, would never cross Haldir’s mind. In some unfathomable way, it was true – he was content. Maybe not blissfully happy, for he was still for all intents and purposes a prisoner, but he was treated like a prince by his lover, and he knew without a doubt that Dorvane truly did love him.

Fidgeting as Dorvane ordered their meal, they were soon heading outdoors, and the Elf found himself holding tightly to Dorvane’s hand. “A few months ago, despite our… agreement, I do not think you would have trusted me enough to do this,” he mused. “I’m glad things have changed.”

As they had stepped to the doorway, Dorvane had caught a passing guard and told him that they wished to dine outside. The guard had given him a strange look but wisely made no comment. He agreed to bring them their lunch outside and left them. When the guard left, Dorvane had squeezed Haldir’s hand in his own as he began to lead him out into the cool air. “A few months ago I would probably not have suggested it no, but not just out of not trusting you.but because I likely would not have noticed your desire to go out. I.I.feel so.” he paused trying to find the right word and shrugged. “I feel different these days.”

Falling into step beside Dorvane, Haldir drug his eyes away from the door he knew would lead them outside and smiled at his lover. “You are different these days, Dorvane. You are nothing like the man I knew before. I felt my stomach drop every time he walked into the room. But you… you make me laugh, you’ve made me care for you, you’ve made me want you, want to take care of you… all things the old Dorvane could never possibly have done. You know that don’t you?”

Dorvane had reached for the door and stopped when Haldir spoke. He considered his words and nodded. He truly did feel different than before, almost as if a part of him long dead was awakening again. He knew deep down that the war was not going well and that Saruman’s grip was slipping on many fronts.even in his control over Dorvane. “I am aware of it.I.cannot explain it all really but I think perhaps the magic binding my will to Saruman has slipped these last months. I always desired you, Haldir, from the moment I first saw you, but.that desire to possess you has changed to something I cannot put into words. I have began to remember the man I once was and perhaps that is the difference. I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else, not really.but I had no control over it. These,” he said looking at his wristbands, “did not allow me to have control.”

Haldir ran his fingertips lightly over Dorvane’s forearms, careful not to touch the bands around his wrists. “I wish I could take them off,” he said softly, forgetting about what lay just outside the door beside him for the moment. “I wish I could make him stop hurting you, Dorvane.” A fierce wave of protectiveness washed over him, the likes of which he had only ever felt for his younger brothers and his Ranger before. The memory of Dorvane, helpless against the pain as he writhed on the bed, yet still refusing to ask for his blood was fresh in the Elf’s memory, and he suddenly leaned forward and pressed a soft, sweet kiss against his lover’s lips. “Until they are gone, however, I want to be the one who helps you, and cares for you… the one who bleeds for you. It is my right as your lover. Promise you will let me do this for you, Dorvane… whenever you need it.”

I wish you could take them off me as well. Dorvane smiled just a little as Haldir spoke. “There are many things I wish,” Dorvane answered as Haldir kissed him. One of those wishes was that he had never been gullible enough to allow Saruman to place them on his wrists in the first place. The kiss had been light and sweet but the next words Haldir spoke, stole his breath away. “You realize that is the strangest request of any I’ve ever heard. You wish to bleed for me.gods it sounds so wrong,” he answered and then sighed heavily. “I.I do admit that it worked better and faster with you, I do not know why but it did.”

“But it did, and that is all that matters,” Haldir finished for him, feeling oddly satisfied, though he couldn’t fathom why. “Now, please, take me outside, Dorvane. It has been so long, and I can hear the trees calling to me already.”

Dorvane laughed softly, not sure if Haldir was joking or telling the truth. He knew some but not all about Elves after all. He opened the door and led Haldir outside for the first time without the intent of simply moving him to another cell. He stopped and allowed Haldir to simply soak up the sun and the cool air they were met with for a moment. “Tell me what you wish to see first?”

Turning his face up to the sun, Haldir closed his eyes in pure joy for a moment. He didn’t even need to think about Dorvane’s question before answering. “To the east, by the end of the house, there is a bush filled with the most beautiful white roses. I wish to see them first, and I would love to have one – only one, that I may pick myself.”

Dorvane watched in awe as Haldir turned his face up to the sun in such reverence. Gods, he was gorgeous. He found himself glancing in the direction Haldir spoke and smiled. “Then you shall see them and pick one or a dozen, whatever you want, love,” he whispered taking Haldir’s hand and brushing a light kiss against it as he led his lover toward the roses he wished to see.

As they made their way to the roses, Haldir stopped and touched everything along their way, marveling at the rich colors, the smells, the textures and softness of each leaf and petal and bit of dirt against his hand. They finally made it to their goal; however, he stood before the white roses and leaned back against Dorvane’s broad chest. “They are beautiful, are they not?” he whispered. “I almost hate to pick one, they are so perfect, but ever since I saw them from our window, I have wanted to do this.”

The dark haired man found himself slightly amused at the way Haldir seemed to regard each and every thing they passed. His fingers trailing over plants and trees and even fencing as they moved. He’d never stopped to consider what beauty lay in the world around him until just that moment.until he saw just how happy Haldir was to see such simplicity. “They are beautiful,” he whispered and wrapped his arms around Haldir. “Not quite as beautiful as you are, but beautiful all the same.”

The arms around him were strong, but not confining; familiar yet still erotic, and despite the beauty of the roses, Haldir had no doubt that, ridiculous as it might sound, he wanted to follow through with his idea. He had nothing else to give Dorvane, and though it might not mean a lot, it was, at least, something. He decided just which rose he wanted, then smiled and leaned his head back on his lover’s shoulder. “I have told you so many times I wanted you, needed you, thought you handsome, but I think I have never told you that I find you beautiful as well, have I Dorvane? You tell me so often, yet I have never thought to say it back, though I have thought it for a long while. Forgive me for not saying it sooner?”

Dorvane let his lips brush against Haldir’s neck, savoring the scent of his hair and skin as he did so and smiled. “Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive.I do think you may need your eyes checked though. I know I am not a bad looking man but beautiful is only something a person is both inside and out and we both know that there is too much darkness inside of me,” he whispered softly. His words were not pained, just resigned.

Haldir closed his eyes and shook his head at Dorvane’s words before leaning forward and carefully breaking off the fullest, most perfect rose he could find. Turning in the circle of strong arms, he faced his lover and met his gaze steadily. “Well, I think the darkness is being drowned out by the light,” he said levelly, then held the rose between them. “And the reason I wanted this rose was to give it to you. I know it isn’t much, but it is really all I can offer. You have been so kind to me Dorvane – fighting off the very darkness we speak of, pushing Saruman away from you every day a little more, showing me a side of you I never knew existed. Like this rose, I know the man before me is beautiful, and nothing you can say or do is going to change my mind.”

The light is you then. Dorvane thought but before he could bring voice to it, Haldir was offering him the rose. No one had ever given him a flower before, not as a joke or meaning it as Haldir did. And no one had given him a true gift in many, many years. He swallowed hard, unable to find words at first. “I.” he paused and let his fingers wrap around the stem just above Haldir’s fingers. “You have a gift for the unexpected I think. Thank you,” the last words were strained, not because it was difficult to thank Haldir but because his throat felt thick and he had a hard time saying any words at all.

“You are welcome,” Haldir said softly. His life could have been so different, and so miserable, if the man before him hadn’t fought Saruman’s magic. He could almost forget the eight years before he was Dorvane’s “lover”. Almost. That seemed like a lifetime ago. Sometimes, Haldir thought, Faramir seemed like a lifetime ago too. Shaking off those memories, he nodded towards a large oak tree that offered plenty of shade. “Will you sit with me? Our lunch will be here soon, and there is so much to see. I would just like to sit and soak it all in while I can, if you don’t mind… all the colors, all the smells, the feel of the breeze. So much to see and feel and smell and hear. Isn’t it wonderful, Dorvane? It’s it just perfect?”

Dorvane found himself smiling indulgently at his lover. The Elf was so enthusiastic and seemed so happy and so young. He knew the Elf was thousands of years older than himself, yet at the moment he seemed so young and carefree.as if he was not a slave, a lover under coercion but a true lover simply glad to share his time with Dorvane. It was a nice fantasy at least.but a fantasy nonetheless.

Dorvane nodded and walked with Haldir toward the tree in question. “This looks like a perfect spot for a picnic,” he said taking a seat next to Haldir on the soft green grass. “I am sorry that I had not considered how much you would like to come outside before,” he said after a moment, twirling the rose between his fingers.

“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Haldir shook his head and laughed as the wind blew long strands of his hair into his mouth and eyes – a sensation he had not felt for many years. “I am just happy to be here now. It is a beautiful day, and I got to give you the rose I’ve wanted to give you for a long while now, you are almost completely healed, that disgusting old wizard won’t be back for you for some time, and our lunch is on the way, so… we should be celebrating, not saying sorry. Let’s save those for another day, shall we?”

“I am completely healed,” Dorvane said with a grin. Haldir had been like a mother hen since the night he’d returned from Saruman’s torture. He appreciated all that Haldir had done for him but it did amuse him how much the Elf had doted on him afterwards. “I am happy to be here now too.and I agree, it is far too beautiful a day to spoil,” he grinned. “Come here,” he whispered, pulling Haldir almost entirely into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. “I had forgotten how peaceful it could be sitting outside under a tree on a warm spring day.”

Months ago, Haldir had thought of himself only as Dorvane’s whore, and though he would have kept smiling as he was pulled into his lover’s lap, he would have had to bite back his distaste as well. Now, however, he didn’t give it a second thought, and settled happily in the very arms that used to beat him raw, but for many months now had been nothing but safe, warm, and so very loving. His own arms wrapped around broad shoulders and he rested his head against Dorvane’s neck, sighing with pleasure. “I have heard that kissing an Elf in the sunlight is especially sweet,” he teased, loving the way dark eyes seemed to sparkle and Dorvane’s handsome face, so often tense with worry, was relaxed and peaceful. “Do you think that is true, or just a rumor?”

Dorvane grinned, his dark eyes sparkling as he regarded the Elf in his arms. “It could be a rumor, I think perhaps we would have to test the theory to be certain don’t you agree?” Dorvane asked as his arms pulled Haldir even closer and he leaned in, not quite brushing his lips against the soft ones he’d so easily become addicted to. Until Haldir had kissed him that first time, Dorvane had not been kissed in almost 17 years, and now he found that he craved Haldir’s kisses, craved the intimacy of the action and the way that it made his heart, that had felt such darkness before, feel lighter in his chest.

Long, pale fingers curled in dark hair made even darker by the sun as Haldir realized Dorvane was teasing him with his feather-kisses. No longer feeling like a slave, but like a true lover, he growled softly in the back of his throat and closed the distance between them. To his surprise, he found he enjoyed kissing Dorvane – enjoyed it quite a bit actually. The mouth that used to curse him when he was a prisoner could be surprisingly soft and warm, the teeth that had bit him on occasion when he was restrained and being used in every way imaginable could gently scrape over the Elf’s tongue and bottom lip, driving him to distraction. As their lips met, Haldir’s tongue methodically licked at soft, full lips until they parted, then slowly began exploring the inviting warmth behind them, pulling Dorvane closer as he did so.

Dorvane had not been a man who teasingly did anything for almost two decades now, but he found he enjoyed the way his soft kisses seemed to excite Haldir. The Elf truly seemed to want him, and his soft growl went straight to Dorvane’s sex, causing his arms to convulsively tighten around his lover when his mouth was captured and he was kissed so passionately. When he gave over control of the kiss completely, he felt his heart melt in his chest; Haldir seemed to truly want him. HIM of all people; he felt desired more than he had in years. He was breathless when they drew apart again and his hands brushed back light blond hair from Haldir’s face. “You make me feel alive in ways I’d completely forgotten.”

The kisses – and the sex, Haldir had to admit – were both exciting and pleasurable. In the beginning, it had all been for Dorvane’s benefit, but Gods, when the man had truly turned his attentions to being a lover, everything had changed. Haldir truly did want him, and their agreement or what would happen if it were broken had nothing to do with why he wanted him. He truly enjoyed seeing Dorvane happy as well… just as he was now. He was handsome in his own right, but when his eyes sparkled and when he smiled, he would practically glow. The ‘old’ Dorvane was long gone from Haldir’s memories, but this man, this Dorvane had touched Haldir in ways he couldn’t explain. “I love making you feel that way,” Haldir admitted honestly. “It makes me so happy to see you smile and hear you laugh, Dorvane. I wish we had more time together so you could do both more often.”

Loving the way that Haldir was looking at him, Dorvane sighed contentedly and rested his forehead against the Elf’s for just a moment before pulling back and looking into honest blue eyes. There were times that Dorvane suspected Haldir just told him what he thought he wanted to hear, playing his role, but there were times like this when he could see the honesty in his eyes clearly. “I have not had much to smile or laugh about in a long while.you make it easy to remember those things. I wish we had more time too but I am truly grateful to have the time we have. It.has been the greatest gift I could have ever had.someone to be with, someone.someone who can see there is more to me than just a slave master. I… cannot say if it is you who is making the difference or if Saruman’s magic is losing its grip but.” he paused. There were times he worried that he was losing his power over the guards, their fear of him wavering because he was no longer as harsh as he was in the past but.none had challenged him so far. “I just know that I feel happiness now.”

Haldir curled up even further against Dorvane and nuzzled against his neck. He was content, if not exactly happy, for an Elf that was not free could never know true happiness, and of course, he missed Faramir… but overall, there was little he could complain about. “I am glad,” he said softly, closing his eyes and simply letting the soft breeze feather through his hair and over his skin. “I hope you will be happy for a very, very long time, Dorvane. You deserve to be. And before you argue, remember, we decided this was not the day for arguments. Now… do you mind if I just rest here until they bring our food? This is so nice – the breeze is cool and you’re so warm, and… it feels so good like this…”

In the past, Dorvane might have demanded sex immediately and not wanted to simply be content and cuddle like this, but things were different now. He simply smiled when Haldir reminded him about not arguing and pulled Haldir closer to snuggle against him. “I do not mind at all, the guard should be coming shortly with lunch. I had forgotten how long it had been since you had been outdoors for more than a few minutes.I imagine you want to savor this time. I will not keep you from it in the future though,” he said tipping his head down to look into Haldir’s eyes. “We will make sure you see the sunlight more often.”

Almost melting into Dorvane, Haldir studied the man’s face through half-lidded eyes. “I would like that,” he murmured, stifling a yawn and surprising even himself with his next words. He was so comfortable, however, he didn’t bother censoring them, not that he’d really had to lately. “But only if you see it with me. And perhaps the stars? I can show you the ones that have been my favorites ever since I was an Elfling and tell you all the ridiculous stories I used to imagine about what happened on them…”

Dorvane’s eyes sank closed slowly as Haldir spoke, not to rest but just in contentment that he had not known in so very long. The offer made his chest tighten it seemed and he nodded. “I would love nothing more,” he whispered. It was what he might have called insufferably romantic before but now.now having this with Haldir was more than he could have ever hoped for.

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