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This story is rated «NC-17», and carries the warnings «Abuse, non-con/rape».
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Darkness and Light (NC-17)
Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean11 August 2009 | 145537 words
Chapter 13
It had been only a few days since Haldir had come to live in Dorvane’s rooms but the two seemed to start falling into a tentative routine. The Elf was playing his part well offering himself readily to Dorvane when he arrived back in the rooms from his duties or offering himself first thing in the morning to him. Haldir acted like a lover would and Dorvane tried his best to treat Haldir as well as he had that first night. It had been pleasant not to beat his partner into submission and it had been more than pleasant to feel as if he was truly desired. Not that he believed for one moment that he was desired by the Elf but the illusion was good enough.
He took the last drink of his tea and stood up, adjusting his black tunic that hugged his body tightly. “I shall be gone until after sunset tonight, I have to see about supplies and provisions that will brought. Feel free to do as you like here in the rooms, I will return after supper time so feel free to send for your meal and eat alone, I will not mind,” Dorvane was pulling on his cloak as he spoke.
Haldir, who was always careful never to stare off into space or even think of anything but Dorvane’s pleasure while they were together nodded and glanced toward the bookcase. “Very well,” he said, shifting on the bed and almost smiling to realize that while they had had sex countless times since his change in status, it had been relatively ‘normal’ – without the beatings or toys. For the first time in years, he wasn’t sore. Though he still hated his new position, at least it wasn’t painful – at least physically. And he had been allowed to find his release. While shameful on one level, it was a relief on another just to lose himself in the pleasure and not think of anything – or anyone else for a few blessed moments. “Oh, I… would like to read another of your books while you are gone if you have no objection.”
“No objections at all,” Dorvane answered simply as he turned back to look at Haldir. “I have said this before but you look good in my bed,” he said almost allowing a small smile to cross his lips. “I shall see you this evening.” He started to head to the door but saw Haldir sit up in the bed almost expectantly and he realized that he expected a kiss. It had become somewhat of a habit over the past few days, the Elf kissed him in greeting when he arrived back in their rooms and kissed him before he left. He suspected the Elf knew how much Dorvane enjoyed the kisses and was simply indulging him to keep him happy but… wasn’t that what Dorvane wanted? He moved back to the bed and leaned down, cupping Haldir’s chin with a gloved hand and pressing his lips against the Elf’s, lingering a bit longer than a simple goodbye kiss. “Enjoy your day,” he whispered as he drew back.
Dorvane’s touch, while still far from the touch he longed for, was at least no longer the bitter pill Haldir had to brace himself for each time the man came near him. His lips tingled from the contact of the surprisingly gentle kiss and his smile was only half-forced but looked completely genuine as he smiled up at his ‘lover.’ Remembering it was his place to keep Dorvane happy, the Elf stood, letting the sheet fall in a heap on the bed, exposing himself completely. He leaned forward and kissed Dorvane in earnest, a bit deeper than Dorvane had kissed him, and a bit longer. “I think I would rather wait and dine with you when you return,” he said as he pulled away. “You do, after all, have to eat too you know.”
Finding himself wishing that he did not have to go and attend to his duties, Dorvane drank in the sight of his naked lover and wished he had not already donned his gloves when his hands caressed Haldir’s back as they kissed. “Hmmm, that I do, you do not have to wait on me, but if you want to… that too is fine. I would like not dining alone…,” he said softly as he drew back, savoring the flavor of the Elf’s lips. His imagination wanted to remember this image, the very idea of the Elf naked and waiting for him in his bed. With that thought filed away in his mind, Dorvane stepped back and smiled just a little. “Until later.”
Haldir nodded and gave Dorvane a final smile. “Until later then,” he agreed, happy that he had seemingly pleased Dorvane with the extra kiss and the request to eat with him. Pleasing the man had been easier than he’d thought it would be quite honestly. Small things, such as kisses given unexpectedly, or touches given freely seemed to make Dorvane happy, and his kindness, while not endearing him to Haldir, had at the very least made Haldir see him in a different light. Perhaps there was another side to this man he’d hated for so long? A reason for his cruelty? A good man buried beneath the evil one? Gods, I hope so, since I will apparently be with him for the rest of his life. With a sigh that no one else heard, Haldir put on a pair of Dorvane’s loose breeches and made his way to the bookshelves, where he chose a book, then settled down on the sofa by the fire to read.
Dorvane left the room swiftly, already slightly behind on his schedule though not about to complain at the reason why that was. He failed to notice that the guard who met him near his doorway was usually assigned at the other side of the farm compound near the livery.
Saruman had made changes that Dorvane did not learn about until he reached his destination. The guards had been moved around to make sure they did not become bored with their tasks. It was something the wizard did every few months to make sure that even the guards were happy and did not step out of line or wish to mutiny.
With this new arrangement the guard who was delivering fresh linens to the slave master’s rooms had no idea that Dorvane had taken a personal slave, the rumor mill had not ground that far to his former place amongst the kitchen staff. He unlocked and pushed open the door, expecting the room to be empty and taken aback when he saw a slave lazing on the master’s couch, reading one of his books. “What are you doing in here?” the guard barked.
Haldir stood quickly, the anger he wasn’t allowed to show at Dorvane now flashing dangerously in his eyes at the guard he remembered well – he’d raped him many times and beaten him often. He wasn’t sure how far he could push, but he did remember Dorvane saying the guards wouldn’t have him, so he figured he was safe, not knowing that this particular guard hadn’t been advised of his new position. “I live here, of course. And you? Come to raid your commander’s room while he is away, Cainor?”
Cainor’s mouth did a fairly good parody of a fish for a moment after the Elf spoke down to him in such haughty tones. He’d teach him soon enough not to talk that way to him. “Live here? Not bloody likely,” he snapped, tossing down the linens he carried on the table and reaching for the rod he carried on his hip to punish or control the slaves. “I don’t know how you got out of your cell and into master Dorvane’s chambers but you won’t do it again once I’m done with you,” Cainor threatened as he moved toward the Elf, ready to capture or hopefully beat the snooty Elf into submission.
“You should check with your superiors first,” the Elf warned, half-crouching and ready to fight, though certain that someone would come and stop them before anything happened. He could easily take one man, but he wasn’t sure what, if any, punishment Dorvane would give him if he did. It was Dorvane himself, however, who had promised him… Gods, there was no time to think this through, as three more guards were suddenly standing in the door. Not the usual guards who knew Haldir and called him Dorvane’s whore under their breath… but guards who were apparently unaware of Haldir’s real reason here. Either way, he was having trouble taking his eyes off that hated rod he’d felt all over his body on hundreds, if not thousands of occasions. Torn between anger and fear, the Elf chanced a glance around the room and wished for some kind of weapon. “I am supposed to be here, Cainor. This is my home now.”
The other guards who were at the door laughed when the Elf said the master’s chambers were his home now. Dorvane had not told them he was keeping a pet. Cainor was angrier than before if that was possible, hearing the Elf tell him to check with his superiors… the nerve of that statement alone grated on him and he lunged forward to grab the Elf, swinging hard with the rod and catching the Elf low on his back as he tried to twist away from him. “You know it’ll be worse if you fight us,” Cainor warned as he reached for the Elf again, annoyed with the other guards laughter. They simply stood in the doorway watching and sneering at him about not being able to catch an Elf.
Gritting his teeth against the pain he was hoping to never feel again, Haldir had the distinct feeling that whatever he did would end up with him being hurt or punished in some very, very unpleasant ways, either by Dorvane or Cainor’s hand. Operating on instinct alone, he lunged for the rod in Cainor’s hand, missed, then ducked out of his way, trying his best to escape. He managed to evade the guard, only to be confronted with the still amused faces of the guards at the door. There was nowhere to go, he realized, then found himself absurdly praying to the Valar for Dorvane’s return. “Worse or not,” he said in a deceptively soft voice, “I will fight you… all of you.”
The laughter that met Haldir’s words almost drowned out the sound of the rod smashing against his body yet again as Cainor trapped him between the table and the other guards. By the time the other three began to help Cainor their master’s room was in a shambles and one of the guards suggested that before they hauled the Elf back to his cell (none of them knew exactly which one it was without having to ask one of the other guards) they threw the Elf down on the floor and began straightening the room. Dorvane hated things to be out of order and particularly hated for the guards to touch anything that belonged to him but they figured he would forgive them this once he found out that the Elf had been in his rooms doing Gods only knew what. As they moved around the room, the guards found it amusing to kick the Elf as they passed him, righting chairs and picking up broken pieces of pottery.
During his few moments of consciousness, Haldir could see little thorough the veil of blood running down into his eyes and his normally golden hair that was matted with blood as well. He hurt all over, and even when he was barely conscious, he could feel the guards kicking and prodding him. He’d held his own for as long as he could, but with no weapon against their rods and whips and clubs, the odds were against him. Again and again, he found himself wishing for the comfort of Faramir’s arms, the soothing touch of his hands and the blissful sound of his voice. Once or twice, however, he imagined Dorvane’s arms around him, warm, hard but gentle, protective. Those thoughts, he rationalized, were because the feeling or Dorvane’s arms were so recent, while every day seemed to pull him further and further away from his beloved Ranger. Another kick to his kidneys caused him to moan and writhe helplessly on the floor as broken bones and bruised muscles protested. He muttered Dorvane’s name, wishing he would just return, throw the guards out and make the pain stop. Anything to make the pain stop.
The guards laughed even harder when they heard the Elf moan for Dorvane. Their laughter ended though when two new guards appeared in the doorway demanding to know what was going on. Cainor told them of finding the Elf in Dorvane’s rooms and how he had set about apprehending the slave to return to his cell. He and the other three guards turned pale when they were informed that the Elf was Dorvane’s personal slave, his whore, and was not to ever be touched by guards unless the Elf was trying to escape. Cainor quickly tried to change his story, tried to recant his story when one of the guards shook his head. “Master Dorvane is not stupid, Cainor, he will know you are lying,” he said smugly.
“Now who is lying? Why are you all here at my rooms? What is going on?” Dorvane asked as he approached. He had not intended to come back to his rooms so early but had forgotten one of the inventory scrolls on his desk when Haldir had distracted him that morning. He noticed how all of the guards suddenly became silent and slowly turned to face him.
“There has been a mistake my lord,” Rainen said carefully. “Cainor has been elsewhere in the compound and did not know… of the new arrangement you have with your Elf.”
At those words, Dorvane rushed forward, seeing Haldir bloodied and broken on the floor and a red haze seemed to fall over his eyes. His bellow of “What have you done!?” made all of them flinch as he shoved roughly past them to roll Haldir over. His eyes were filled with rage as he looked up from the broken Elf and his knife left its sheaf so quickly that none noticed before Cainor was grasping his throat and hitting the floor in a crumpled and bloodied heap, with Dorvane’s knife protruding from his throat. “Take it away… and the rest of you… you helped him do this and you will all pay for it dearly. This Elf is not to be touched… ever. Do I make myself clear? Tell your comrades or they will end up just as your friend here.” With that he turned his back on the guards and lifted Haldir carefully from the floor and carried him to the bed. “Bring me bandages, healing salves and herbs, and water… NOW!”
Guards practically ran into one another to do their master’s bidding, two of them grabbing Cainor’s body and hauling him away.
Haldir was jarred back into consciousness as he was rolled and lifted from the ground, but in his bid to stay silent and not further antagonize the guards, he bit through his bottom lip. He couldn’t hear for the ringing in his ears, but knew someone was carrying him. Assuming it was one of the guards taking him back to his cell and not even taking the time to wonder why a guard would be carrying him so gently, he finally shook his head and tried to push away from the broad chest he was leaning against. “No. Dorvane. Find Dorvane. He… you… I need him. Please… just find him. I am his…”
“Shhhhh,” Dorvane murmured as he began to settle Haldir against the bed. “I am here… I am here, now,” he said softly hoping that it would calm the Elf who seemed in a panic. For a moment he was surprised the Elf was asking for him, he would have assumed he would call out for his Ranger… but he pushed that thought aside as he removed his cloak and gloves and sat down on the bed next to Haldir. He pushed his bloodied hair back from his face and growled at one of the guards as he returned with water and some rags. “Tell Rainen to attend to the inventory, the scroll is on my desk and send someone in two hours with food, can you follow instructions?” he snapped the words and the guard swallowed hard as he nodded. “Yes, my lord,” he said as he scrambled to leave the room. He leaned over Haldir again, “Haldir, I am here, open your eyes if you can,” he said gently, not wanting to scare the Elf who seemed quite traumatized by what had happened. Dorvane didn’t even know the half of it and didn’t care at this point; he just wanted to fix his Elf.
Still struggling feebly, Haldir nonetheless was calmed by the familiar voice. It took him a moment, but he slowly opened his eyes and saw Dorvane. For a moment, it was all so familiar, the pain, the broken bones, the confusion, and Dorvane’s face staring down at him, responsible for it all. He cried out softly and drew away from the man before it all came back to him – in a flash, he realized where he was, what he was, and what had happened. “Please tell them I’m yours,” he whispered hoarsely. “They… they don’t believe me, and I was afraid you would…” He stopped, coughed and didn’t even notice the blood running from the corner of his mouth, then tried to continue. “Afraid you would be angry at me…”
Dorvane barely managed not to flinch at the way Haldir drew away from him in fear for a moment, obviously trapped in some memory of the past where it had in fact been him who had beaten the Elf. He felt something akin to guilt sting in his chest for a moment. “They are gone, they won’t hurt you anymore and I am not angry. Not at you anyway… the one who attacked you, Cainor is dead,” Dorvane explained as he wet a cloth and began wiping the blood at the corner of Haldir’s lip and then moving to another cut on his forehead and wiping away the blood there.
Relaxing a bit more at the news, Haldir tentatively took stock of his body as Dorvane tended to him so carefully. The touch was gentle, almost sweet, as if he were trying his best not to cause Haldir any more pain. “Everything hurts,” he moaned, as he counted at least four broken ribs a broken wrist, and quite possibly a broken leg. “Even breathing hurts. I thought the pain, at least, was a thing of the past…” He was rambling now, lost in a haze of pain and not realizing what he was saying, otherwise he never would have said those words to Dorvane, of all people. “Why does everyone here love to cause so much pain?”
Dorvane paused as he continued removing blood from Haldir’s skin so he could better see what was wrong. “I’m sorry, Haldir. I promised you no more pain and now this… I know it was not intentional on my part but I am sorry for it. Saruman changed the guards stations and I did not realize it until I was already at the supply sheds. I did not think anything like this would happen,” he explained as he carefully began moving his hands over Haldir’s chest and torso not wanting to cause more pain or damage to the Elf but needing to see what injuries he had. “I think you might have some broken bones,” he said softly. Dorvane might have been a cruel master but he had never purposefully had bones broken, mostly perhaps because they were too time consuming to mend even with Saruman’s magic.
Haldir winced as Dorvane’s hands brushed lightly over his broken ribs, but as the words sunk in, he suddenly gasped and tried to sit up, grabbing onto the front of Dorvane’s tunic when the pain almost made him pass out again. His former master and present lover was most likely angry, he thought, that Haldir might not be able to amuse him later that night. And if that happened, their deal would have been broken and Faramir… Gods! “I am sorry… I will heal quickly, and nothing is broken that will stop you from… stop us from having… being intimate when you return tonight, Dorvane. If you want to return to your duties, I will still be ready for you by the time you come back.”
Dorvane was taken aback by Haldir’s reaction and put his hand on the Elf’s shoulder, carefully pushing him back down on the bed. “Stop that,” he said firmly, finding himself annoyed but not with Haldir. “Gods, I must truly be a monster in your eyes if you think I’ll take you with broken ribs. I do want you alive you know, even an Elf won’t survive a punctured lung or heart if one of those three… no four, broken ribs should shift wrong. Lay back… and try to relax, I’ll have some herbs for the pain soon and we will work on getting these bones all set.
Quieting instantly, Haldir rested his hand over Dorvane’s and squeezed hard as he felt another wave of pain wash over him. “No, I no longer think that,” he said softly. “Dorvane do you… must you…” He stopped, shook his head, and looked away for a moment. “Must you leave? Can you at least stay with me until the herbs start to work?”
“Leave?” Dorvane looked at Haldir oddly for a moment and then smiled just a little despite the situation. “I am not going to force you to do anything but stay in this bed and recover, and I am not going to leave. It is obvious I cannot trust the guards to care for you,” his last words were growled a bit as he wrung out the blood soaked cloth and began cleaning Haldir’s wounds again, “so I’ll tend you… there are others that can take care of what I need done elsewhere. You are mine, Haldir and I do not like the idea of anyone else touching you especially after today.” One of the guards returned with the rest of the items Dorvane requested and he told them to not disturb him until the following day.
Nodding slightly, Haldir tried to still himself on the bed, and began drifting in and out of consciousness. As long as he didn’t move when he was awake, the pain was bearable, and the cool cloth was soothing as it was brushed so lightly over his flushed skin. His fingers found the edge of Dorvane’s tunic and curled around the soft fabric. For the first time in almost a decade, Dorvane meant safety and respite from the pain, rather than the cause of it. He thought carefully about his next words, and had to try several times to get them out past the currents of pain that raced through his body without warning. “Why… why did you kill Cainor. He has b… beaten me many times before. Is it only because now… now I am your property?”
“I killed him because… I…” Dorvane paused and wasn’t sure how to complete his sentence. Why had he killed the man? He’d been enraged at the time, angrier than he’d ever been before and he wasn’t entirely sure why. It was true Haldir belonged to him but there was something more than that too. He shrugged, trying to come up with the right words. “I was angry, he hurt you and… and I could not see beyond that really. I wanted him to never have the opportunity to touch you again. While it is true you are mine… that… did not really cross my mind.” He picked up the teapot that had been brought in and poured a cup of the herb-laced tea. “This will help with the pain.”
Long lashes closed over pain-filled blue eyes as Haldir thought about Dorvane’s words. While he truly felt like his master’s whore, at times he truly felt like a lover as well. Dorvane had been adamant that when they made love, Haldir must always look at him, and so it had become a habit. In the moment of his release, the man seemed to transform, to lose the veil of darkness that usually surrounded him, and as he gazed into Haldir’s eyes, the Elf could have sworn he saw another man entirely. He almost wished to know that man.
When he opened his eyes, the aroma of the tea made him wince and he struggled to sit. Pain soared through his stomach and he leaned into Dorvane, moaning softly. “I… I am sorry, Dorvane. I don’t think I can move. It all hurts too much.”
“It is all right, Haldir,” Dorvane whispered wrapping his arm around Haldir as carefully as he could and lifting his head just enough to hold the cup to his lips. “Just swallow slowly… let the herbs do their job. It will relax you and take away some if not most of the pain. I will need to set some of your bones… I think your wrist is broken and I do not want to do that until you’ve had enough of this tea first.”
Sipping the bitter tea, Haldir rested heavily against Dorvane, not even trying to move. The cup was carefully pressed against his lips and tilted, the herbs already taking the edge off the pain. He was practically lying on top of Dorvane, but was still cold, so he unfurled his hand and slipped it beneath the man’s tunic to touch his skin, shivering as he did so. “You can set them, Dorvane. I just… Just give me something to bite down on if you don’t want to hear me scream, or… if you do, that’s fine to. I remember you used to like my screams before… before we were lovers.”
Remorse was not an emotion that Dorvane had dealt with much over the years but as soon as Haldir’s words reached his ears the tight grip of something seemed to squeeze his heart in his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I do not wish to hear you scream today, Haldir,” he said, not knowing what else to say. He did in fact love hearing Haldir cry out when they had sex but that was entirely different. He could feel the cool fingers against his flesh and felt Haldir shivering. “Once you are done drinking this, I will tend the fire and make sure you are warm, then we will deal with setting your wrist. I am unsure about your left leg, I do not think it is broken but the ankle might be… or at least badly sprained.” He hoped there was no break, a broken leg or ankle would take a great deal of time to heal he imagined and he didn’t like the idea of that at all. The guards would pay dearly for this.
Still unsure just where things stood between them, Haldir merely nodded, not even realizing how his fingers were moving almost soothingly over Dorvane’s back, seeking warmness and comfort from this man of all people. But, they were, nevertheless, and the action did seem to bring him some peace. “I promise to heal quickly Dorvane. Nothing will have to change in our activities. Above all, I do not wish to break our deal.”
Shocked dark eyes looked up at Haldir and Dorvane frowned. “I do not wish to break our deal either… and you will heal in due time. I will live without sex in the meantime you know… I have hands and over 100 pleasure slaves about,” Dorvane teased as he set the now empty cup aside. “Did you think I would want to break our agreement because of this? It… it wasn’t your fault. Rainen even confirmed it was not your fault,” Dorvane said as he reached for a healing salve to apply to the cuts and scrapes Haldir had while he waited for the tea to relax the Elf even more.
Growing sleepy and even more unguarded, Haldir met Dorvane’s gaze and bit back a sigh. “Aye, it did occur to me. Just… just please, Dorvane, don’t hurt Faramir. I will never break our agreement, and if this ever happens again, I will fight harder. Just…” He stifled a yawn, and the hand that was running over Dorvane’s back slowly began to drop toward the bed. “Please don’t hurt him.”
Dorvane’s lips thinned as Haldir mentioned the Ranger’s name and he shook his head rather abruptly. “I will not, your Ranger is safe… and this will never happen again. You’ve my word, however much it is worth to you and the guards, the others who helped Cainor with this will be dealt with,” Dorvane vowed softly. He was immensely jealous of the Ranger and had asked Haldir never to speak of him but in this case… in this situation he could hardly blame the Elf. He continued to apply the salve and then sat back as he dabbed the last bit at the corner of Haldir’s lips. “I’ll tend that fire now.”
As Dorvane sat back, Haldir was left feeling oddly alone and reflexively reached out to his lover, closing his fingers over the black leather wrist bands he’d wondered so often about. “Dorvane, don’t go,” he whispered softly, pushing past the herbs and forcing his eyes open to plead with the dark ones before him. He needed to sleep, and heal, and at the moment, beside Dorvane was the safest place to do so. To his own dismay, the idea wasn’t as unappealing as it once had been either, the Elf thought in resignation. “Do what you must to my wounds, but I had rather you lie with me than tend to the fire. You are warmer.”
Dorvane sat rigidly still when Haldir’s hand closed around his wrist band and he simply looked at the Elf for a long moment. “You wish for me to lay with you? I…” he paused, feeling another strange constricting feeling in his chest and nodded. “All right, let me remove my boots then and I will lay beside you for a few minutes while we wait on the herbs to fully take effect.” He leaned down and unfastened his boots and removed them. “Do not move,” he said softly as he moved to crawl into the bed on Haldir’s opposite side, not wanting the Elf to move and aggravate his injuries. He carefully tucked Haldir against his body and leaned on his elbow to watch him. “Just relax, Haldir.”
Haldir sighed, as comfortable as he could be, given the situation and burrowed his face against Dorvane’s neck. He kept his broken limbs still, but managed to get as close as possible to the warmth his lover offered, though he hadn’t missed the moment of surprise when he’d asked for Dorvane to lay beside him. “After you set the bones, will you undress and lay here again?” he asked sleepily. “I’m so cold and so tired and… I just can’t stay awake and watch for the guards tonight…” Thanks to the drugs, he wasn’t sure exactly if he was in his cell with Faramir or in the rooms he shared with Dorvane, but either way, he didn’t want the warmth or the gentle embrace surrounding him now to end.
Dorvane was surprised by the quiet request but smiled. “Yes, I will lay with you. The guards will not come… never again will they hurt you, I swear that to you.” Dorvane whispered softly. “Rest… relax and rest.”
Haldir nodded and let his hand slip down from the wristband to Dorvane’s hand. As he drifted back into semi-consciousness, his fingers slid down and wrapped around his lover’s in a weak grip. “Aye. Relax and rest. That sounds…” His last word trailed off as a drug-induced haze engulfed him, but he didn’t release Dorvane’s hand. He knew he had only a few minutes before the bone was to be set, and he needed to gather his strength for that, but at least when it was over, the promise of warmth and safety lay beyond. It was, at least, something to hold on to.
Yet again, Haldir surprised him when his hand slid down to wrap around Dorvane’s fingers. He smiled at the slurred words as they trailed off and he took a deep breath wondering what it was that he felt towards the elf. He’d always felt possessive of him, had always obsessed about the blond but he had never imagined he would feel such emotion… things he’d not felt in years when he’d found him beaten and bleeding today. It unsettled the man, nothing affected him this way and this shouldn’t but it did. He not only wanted to protect Haldir from the guards but protect him from everything and every one… even Saruman if he had to. It was a sobering feeling and frightening. The Elf cared nothing for him, he was only there out of coercion and to protect the man he truly loved. Dorvane tried to push the thoughts away as he waited for Haldir to be more fully under the strong herbs influence so that he could set the bones. After almost a half hour passed he took a deep breath. “Haldir… I need to do this now before it is too late. Can you hear me?”
Waking with a low moan, Haldir felt each little pain from his ankle to his head spark back to life at once. After a moment, however, the tea kicked in again, and the pain dulled somewhat. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw concern written all over Dorvane’s face – something he’d never really seen before – and tried to smile. The attempt resulted in more of a wince, however, and his fingers tightened on his lover’s hand for a brief moment before letting go. “I am ready,” he said, setting his jaw and curling his fingers into the blankets. His eyes wanted to close, as he knew he would be blinded by the pain but he wanted to watch Dorvane’s face for as long as possible, to see whether he really did enjoy watching “his” Elf in pain or not.
Dorvane’s brows drew together when Haldir winced, the cracked lip causing him pain as he tried to smile. His heart clenched at that thought and he wondered yet again how he could be feeling things he had not felt in so long. “Good… brace yourself,” he said softly before shifting his weight on the bed and setting to work. The wrist was the worst and Dorvane cringed when Haldir cried out as he snapped the bone back into place. It had been a clean break at least they could be glad of that. Next he moved to probe Haldir’s ankle and worked swiftly to stabilize it, it may not be broken, he could not exactly tell so he worked to make it completely immobile just in case. He used the splints that had been brought along with bandages. The last were his ribs, there was little he could do for them other than wrapping Haldir tightly in bandages. Haldir was sweating by the time Dorvane began wrapping the bandages around his body, having to lift him from the bed and knowing that was causing more pain with each pass of the tight bandages. “I am almost done… then you can rest,” he whispered.
Haldir’s broken arm lay uselessly in his lap as the Elf struggled to stay upright. His good arm was braced on Dorvane’s shoulder, and he didn’t realize he had been holding on tightly enough to bruise. As he panted for breath and forced himself not to pass out again, he thought about the past few minutes. Dorvane had actually seemed to hate seeing him in any pain, not to mention being the cause of it, which was odd, given their history. The look on his face and in his eyes as he’d set the bones combined with the way he’d been treating Haldir over the past weeks would almost make one believe that he actually cared; that his feelings were more than just possessiveness. As the last bandage was applied, he rested his head against Dorvane’s shoulder and shivered, despite the beads of sweat covering his body. “You… you take good care of me Dorvane,” he whispered. “Should you ever need it, know that I will do the same for you.”
Pausing as he finished with the last bandage and began lowering Haldir back down to the bed, Dorvane shook his head. “I will continue to take care of you… I am responsible for you,” he whispered unsure what else to say. The other slaves at least had the healing charms on their cells when they left, Haldir didn’t even have that. He told himself it was for that reason alone that he cared for his well-being but he knew deep down it was something more than that. He would have a nice bruise from the force of Haldir’s grip around his upper arm but that was nothing really. “Now,” he whispered as he reached over and dipped a cloth in fresh cool water, “lets get you cleaned up a little more.” Haldir was sweating and he knew the cool cloth would feel good. “Do you think you can relax now? Do you need more tea?”
Another soft sigh fell from Haldir’s lips, this time from relief as the sweat was carefully wiped from his face and neck and even across the broad expanse of his chest, which still bore the cuts and bruises from the guard’s assault. “No more tea. Just… just rest with me please. I know you haven’t been out of bed for very long, but..gods, it feels… it feels as if I have not slept in months, and… I just want to rest beside you as I normally do. That is… if you don’t mind. I know I am certainly not the most attractive Elf on Arda at the moment.”
“You are the most attractive Elf on Arda,” Dorvane corrected. “Trust me, I’ve seen many in my time here and none have ever… ever… captivated me the way you do. And though all this will heal soon I will not forget and I’ll make sure the guards do not forget. When I am done with them, they will never even think of laying one finger on you again,” Dorvane’s words were strong though soft and he had no idea how vehement they sounded. He just knew it as truth. Haldir had not deserved this beating, and if the guards weren’t so bloody stupid it wouldn’t have happened at all. The Elf was in a locked room… locked from the outside so how could he have possibly come in of his own free will to pilfer a book or whatever else they stupidly assumed he had done. Just thinking of it made Dorvane angry.
Possessive. The thought ran through Haldir’s mind at once simply from the tone of Dorvane’s voice, not to mention the words. Of course he belonged to Dorvane, he had made a deal, but this almost seemed like more. With every passing moment, Dorvane seemed to care… which was ridiculous, Haldir reasoned, because the man who had kept him captive for the last 8 years had no feelings or compassion. This was quite possibly nothing more than an act to get Haldir to let his guard down. If it was, however, it was a good one. And combined with the tea, it was working. “They only did what they have always done,” Haldir said softly, tugging on Dorvane’s tunic. “What you have always given them leave to do before. Now, please… undress and lie down with me, Dorvane. I just want to rest and feel safe for a while so I can heal.”
Dorvane frowned. “Do you do it on purpose or does it just come naturally to subtly dig at me?” he actually found himself grinning as he spoke, teasing Haldir a bit about his choice of words. He even laughed, something he almost never did. “What I have always given them leave to do,” he half mocked, “… you do realize that ended with our agreement or do you think I planned all of this? If I wanted to spend the day in bed with you I would not have had to get those mindless idiots to beat you up first.” Dorvane couldn’t bring himself to actually be offended. Haldir was after all right, in the past Dorvane had inflicted much pain on Haldir but he had refrained from ever breaking bones… that sort of torture was far different than the tactics Dorvane generally used.
Surprising even himself at his words, Haldir was downright shocked as Dorvane teased him, rather than got angry. To see him teasing and smiling was so unusual, and glimpses of that man Haldir thought he saw when they were having sex could almost be seen again. Or maybe it was the drugs, he thought with a sigh. Either way, he was apparently going to spend a lifetime with Dorvane, so he would have to deal with whichever persona the man decided to let have free reign. “The herbs have loosed my tongue,” he murmured, tentatively stretching the few parts of his body that didn’t ache and tugging on Dorvane’s tunic again. “Besides, given the last few weeks, and knowing how differently you treat your lovers than your slaves, I cannot say I would protest at the suggestion of a whole day in bed with you either…” The herbs had affected him indeed, he thought vaguely, for him to think, let alone say that. But since he couldn’t have Faramir, at least he did have a man who, was for now anyway, an attentive lover, and in that department he had nothing to complain about.
Dorvane smiled and nodded. “Hmm, perhaps once you are back to normal and can handle a whole day with me in this bed,” Dorvane teased. He did in fact treat Haldir better than the slaves of that there was no doubt, now that he had what he never thought he could have, the Elf entirely to himself, he was glad to treat him with what could be considered affection. Everything else in his life was so dark and his past a complete shambles, at least this… this could be different. “You need more rest, especially if we are going to try that plan of my taking a day off to spend here in bed.” Dorvane leaned over and brushed his lips against Haldir’s forehead. “Rest, I will hold you if you truly wish for me to.”
Haldir smiled at the thought and relaxed a bit more, trying to distance himself from the pain of his injuries. “Aye, I do wish for that,” he whispered, touched by the chaste kiss to his forehead, “but only if you undress. I have grown used to feeling you next to me, and…” He yawned and sank down into the pillow, but kept his eyes stubbornly open. “I’m glad you’re here, Dorvane. Truly, I am.”
The grin that appeared on Dorvane’s face was quick but happy despite the situation. Haldir wanted him to undress and lay with him, he asked him to, it wasn’t expected, it wasn’t something Dorvane forced him to say it was a freely given request and his last words made his heart that had long felt so dead in his chest jump just the slightest bit. So many years ago he had not wanted to be alive and he was unwanted, but now… a former slave and still if he was honest with himself his captive was asking for him… wanting him. “I am too,” he whispered. He divested himself of all his clothing except the wristbands, which could never be removed and lay down next to Haldir, pulling the covers over them. “Comfortable?”
Snuggling just a bit closer, the Elf wrapped his good arm around Dorvane’s waist and practically burrowed beneath him. His face was buried in the crook of his lover’s neck and he finally allowed himself to close his eyes. “As much as possible. Much better now that you stopped fussing over me and are finally still though.” Haldir’s eyes opened quickly as he realized once again what he’d just said, but he didn’t have the strength to move. “Erm… I seem to be saying all kinds of inappropriate things today, do I not?”
“Fussing? Hmm… next time you break an ankle, a wrist and four ribs we can just pretend they will just magically go away then, shall I have you sent to the kitchens to make breakfast perhaps?” Dorvane grumbled although good naturedly as he pulled Haldir just a bit closer as carefully as he could. “You most certainly do say inappropriate things my beautiful Elf,” he murmured pressing his lips to Haldir’s forehead, well away from one of the cuts there. “But I can forgive that… the herbs are powerful and you are stubborn.”
Smiling was all he could manage, and Haldir did just that. “You like me stubborn,” he groused, pressing a kiss against Dorvane’s throat without thinking. “And anyway… you know I don’t cook.”
Dorvane found himself laughing as he relaxed against his lover. “I do like you stubborn,” he grinned, “that is very true.” He let his hand trail over Haldir’s uninjured arm. “I am sorry for what happened. I should have informed all of the guards, Saruman has moved them about in the past to make sure they do not become too complacent or restless… it is my fault this happened and… I am sorry for that.” It had been many years since Dorvane had offered an apology for anything sincerely.
Haldir had been half asleep when the words reached his ears, but he drew away and looked at Dorvane in utter shock, though it sent a searing pain through his ribs and leg as he shifted on the bed. “You… you are apologizing to me?” His good hand came up and rested alongside Dorvane’s face as the Elf stared into dark eyes shaded by long, black lashes. “You are in there somewhere, Dorvane. When you are like this, I want to find you.” Without giving his lover time to respond or question him, Haldir leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He was exhausted and drugged, and the kiss was slow and warm, and unlike any they’d shared before. When he had to draw away for breath, he simply put one finger over kiss-swollen lips and smiled. “I need to rest now,” he murmured to ward off any questions about his rather cryptic statement. “Goodnight.”
Dorvane’s eyes had widened when Haldir had looked up at him that way and spoke of wanting to find him. A part of him, long buried, knew exactly what the Elf meant, though Haldir couldn’t really know. He didn’t know anything about Dorvane’s past… did he? Before Dorvane could say anything though he was caught up in the sweetest kiss he’d ever experienced. Haldir kissed him slowly and in a way that let Dorvane know he was desired… a way he never thought he’d ever know. When they drew apart, he was still prevented from speaking and simply stared at the beautiful Elf in his arms. “Goodnight, Halidr,” he whispered, unable to say anything else.
As he drifted off into a healing sleep, Haldir wondered just what had happened to the man he’d known only a few weeks ago, and just what it would take to bring the ‘other’ Dorvane to light. It wasn’t that he had nothing else to do, though that was a part of it, but the inherent goodness that was in all of the first born was reminding him that everyone had some good in them. Dorvane had started opening up to him, bit by bit, and if he could only be away from Saruman’s influence, then who knew what kind of man he could be?
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I love all your stories! Thanks for the new one.
— Macheil Thursday 8 January 2009, 15:38 #