Faramir Fiction Archive

But... (PG-13)

Written by Gemenice

13 August 2009 | 1899 words

Title: But…
Author: Gemenice
Disclaimer: I don’t own LOTR, I’m merely torturing the characters with my presence.
A/N: a gift for Anastasiya (if she’ll want it).

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He knew he shouldn’t do it… He knew he shouldn’t even THINK about it, but… Not only would his father kill him, but… He also didn’t want to lose what he shared with his brother. But… The next morning he was leaving and if this wouldn’t go well, he was sure Boromir will forgive him with time, or… at least he hoped. And even though he said himself he was going to do it, even though he sent the invitation to his brother and even though Boromir accepted, he was still nervous and scared and his mind didn’t do much good, with it mocking him with, that someone scared like him now, wasn’t suited to be a Captain of Gondor, that his father was right, and that he was useless… just a mistake. That he never should’ve been born. And who knew… maybe it was the truth, but Faramir was glad he WAS born… He was glad he got the chance to meet Boromir, to have someone like that as a brother.

Brother… A word he both, loved and hated so much. Loved, because it brought Boromir to him and hated… because what he felt… Wasn’t merely a brotherly love. He didn’t know when, where or how it started, maybe it was the admiration he held for his brother, maybe it was the thankfulness he felt towards his brother, maybe it was the feeling of being protected or maybe just the feeling of warmth from the only embrace he ever experienced that triggered it, but… He was sure that all those feelings grew in something more with time. Really, it couldn’t be just love shared between siblings, brothers, because while being with your brother you didn’t think how it would feel kissing those lips, how it would feel being kissed back… You didn’t think about whether your brother kissed the way he fought – passionate and with verve that left everyone around gaping with jealousy. While being hugged by your brother, you weren’t supposed to thin about how it would feel to have those warm hands running up and down your body, stopping on that one part… While being with your brother, your breath wasn’t supposed to clench tight in your throat when the thought of how it would feel being embraced liked that without clothes on, how it would feel having his skin pressed against nothing but your skin, if it would be still burning, like it did when he touched your cheek and if your heart would beat even faster if he touched you with more than just brotherly affection.

And if it was really merely brotherly love, he sure wouldn’t start thinking about what if Boromir DID touch him with more than just brotherly affection, because really his hand in Faramir’s hair felt so good, it couldn’t feel that nice without being meant to feel that nice, right? And those hugs, they wouldn’t be so thight if he didn’t mean anything by it, right? And thos- …Faramir shook his head and chuckled at his own stupidity… Oh boy… He was really foolish, thinking like that… Boromir will probably hate him, once he’ll find out how exactly Faramir feels about him, but… There was nothing Faramir could do about it, right? He couldn’t just tell his heart not to feel that way, he couldn’t just tell it to stop beating for that one person… because it would stop beating at all. Though… now that Faramir thought about it… maybe it WOULD be better if it stopped beating if this evening did end with his brother hating him indeed. But… everything in right time.

Faramir sighed, feeling his insides clenching and unclenching nervously as his eyes scanned the gardens around him. This place had normally calming effect on him, but telling your brother you were in love with him wasn’t rated as normal thing probably, so he shouldn’t be surprised, right? But… It would be nice if he could be calm and collected… like Boromir surely will be when he’ll be admitting his love to some nice lady, he’ll marry soon. Yes, Faramir knew Boromir was going to marry a nice sweet woman, a woman that will love him like no other woman will be able to, and he’ll have beautiful children – a girl and a boy, and he was sure his brother will be happy, or at least he hoped so. Faramir didn’t doubt that that WILL happen one time, his brother deserved the best. And that was more than Faramir could ever be, than he could ever give his brother so there was no need for stupid illusions of Boromir falling in love with him as well, because their father was right – Boromir was wasting enough time with him already, but he couldn’t stop his heart from bearing like crazy when he thought that maybe, just maybe…

A shake of head. Once again.

“I’m… really hopeless.“Faramir muttered and laughed quietly… When arms suddenly encircled him and he was pulled against firm body in a warm hug.

“I thought you were spending too much time with father, seems like I was right.” a warm breath tickled the back of Faramir’s neck as Boromir chuckled and he could feel his heart beat even faster because this scene… he saw this scene of him standing in the gardens in a loving hug with his brother so many times before in his dreams, that when Faramir turned in his brother’s arms it felt so familiar and he smiled.

“Father is just making sure I can take responsibility for people… And that I won’t mess up.” he saw Boromir’s eyes hardening, but maybe he just imagined it, or it was just settling sun because in next moment it was gone from his brother’s eyes and Boromir was looking at him with the same look like always – a look that made Faramir bit his lip to prevent himself from leaning in and pressing his lips against his brother’s, or pressing himself closer to his brother, so he could feel his brother’s body more firmly against his own.

… he was really hopeless.

“Don’t talk about father.” Boromir smiled and his hand was once again drawing circles on Faramir’s back, the circles almost burning his skin and evoking that tickling feeling in Faramir’s stomach, that was not only nervousness any more. “You wanted to talk to me after dinner – at least that’s what your message said. So…what was that official invitation supposed to mean?”

Yes, of course he should think that sending an OFFICIAL invitation would be weird, when they were spending the evenings together all the time… but… it felt more… right like that. When he wanted to tell his brother-

“Little one?”

Looking into his brother’s smiling face, Faramir smiled back nervously. When he decided to tell his brother he knew it will be hard but now… He felt more nervous and scared than before.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Boromir, I…” another deep breath before those words escaped his lips. He didn’t dare to open his eyes to look at his brother, he didn’t even dare to breath… And then a chuckle came.

“all right…if that was a hint for me to learn Elvish, I may actually think about it.”

Framir blinked…okay, that wasn’t a reaction he expected… He expected a smile and then his brother telling him to grow up, or maybe a pat on the head telling him that it wasn’t right or maybe even a yell and a lesson about hate, but… ELVISH?

Boromir chuckled again.

“Those words… Amin le or something?”

Faramir’s frown deepened. ‘Amin le’? His eyes suddenly widened a fraction.

“Amin mela lle“ He whispered and when his broher grinned and nodded he bit his lip…oh…he was really hopeless. Probably so nervous that he didn’t even manage to say the words ‘I love you’ in his own language. He knew his brother didn’t know Elvish and somehow subconsciously he probably… How was he supposed to tell it if he couldn’t? He took a deep breath looking his brother in the eyes and saw Boromir opening his mouth and asking something but he didn’t hear anything… How could he when his heart was beating furiously in his ears, his fingers clenching nervously in the sleeves of his brother’s tunic.

“Amin mela lle.“ he whispered pressing his lips against his brother’s, against Boromir’s, finally finding out that they weren’t so soft as he thought they would be, but it felt so much better, so much more RIGHT than if they were soft… But his brother wasn’t kissing him back, Faramir realized and suddenly the thumping of his heart was gone from his ears and even so still didn’t hear anything as he pulled back, his gaze on the ground. “I love you.” he knew he couldn’t play it down and…he didn’t want to. So why pretend? “I love you.”

There was a moment of silence before a chuckle came and then another. And when Faramir lifted his gaze he didn’t know what to think or what to do and when Boromir’s hand came to rest on his cheek in that oh so familiar gesture, and this time it surely felt loving.
, a lot more loving because-

“I don’t know why father thinks I am the better son,” it was the first time either of them mentioned that out loud and Faramir was surprised that it didn’t feel as painful as he thought it would be if anyone admitted it in front of him, but now… it didn’t really seem important, “because you’re so much braver than I am.” Faramir blinked… If it really meant what he thought it meant…

“I love you too.” Faramir’s eyes widened and he couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on his face as he leaned in, kissing Boromir again…and this time, this time Boromir’s lips were moving too, and his lips were hot against his own and the hand that came to rest on the back of his neck wast tilting his head back and he parted his lips, meeting Boromir’s tongue halfway before letting him enter his mouth and he shivered when his brother’s tongue grazed his teeth one after another, before joining his own tongue again. And Faramir found out that indeed, Boromir’s kiss was the same as Boromir was – passionate and intense and then he was suddenly pulling away breathing hard. And Boromir was too, but…

“I’m not… I was scared…still am.” it was truth, his hands were shaking, but so did Boromir’s, Faramir noticed and grinned. “But Im glad I told you.”

There was a smile on his brother’s face before Boromir pecked Faramir’s lips. “I’m too… I think I’d never told you if you didn’t…”

Faramir’s grin widened as he pressed his lips against Boromir’s again – he noticed he was growing pretty addicted to kissing his brother, but by the feeling of Boromir’s hands running over his back, his brother was growing addicted too…

And when Boromir pulled away reminding him that he was leaving the next morning before the sun would rise, Faramir smiled almost sheepishly.

“I know… but…”

Boromir didn’t need to hear more…

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The end

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