Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Title: Because of You
Authors: Sairalinde & Anorienbean
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Faramir/Haldir
Summary: Faramir is sent to Helm’s Deep, where he almost dies saving Haldir. In doing so, Haldir, whose only hope was to die there himself, becomes responsible for the Ranger, and isn’t exactly happy about it. Charged with returning Faramir to Gondor, he is torn between falling for him, and fulfilling his wish to die – since a warrior like himself would have no place in Aman, nor on Middle Earth after the war ended. Would he?
Disclaimer: No money was made from this story and all characters belong to the incredibly talented Mr. JRR Tolkien and his estate.

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Chapter 1

The message from Gandalf had been short and to the point, King Théoden was in need of Gondor’s aid at Helm’s Deep and he was off to muster more men to help Rohan’s people. Denethor had refused immediately. “When has Théoden helped Gondor? When in all these years that Mordor has been taking bit by bit of our land, has Rohan helped us?”

Faramir did reason or attempt to. “All of our horses are from Rohan, father…”

“That we paid good coin for, they weren’t gifts!”

Faramir nodded, not disagreeing with his father’s point. “That being said, we should still offer them at least something… should we need them ourselves, we might be able to call in the favor,” he said after a moment.

Denethor’s eyes narrowed, he hated giving in to that Wizard and giving in to Faramir would be even worse, but he waved him on.

“Send just a small group… myself and my Rangers could go,” Faramir explained.

“No. You are needed here, as are your Rangers. You will not go, no one will. Let Rohan handle her own problems. Now, go away, I have work to do. I do not wish to speak anymore with you tonight.”

Faramir thought that the meeting had gone better than most in the last year or so; though he wished that there was something they could do for their allies. Though maybe his father was right… attacks against Gondorian lands were growing bolder each day. Men just couldn’t be spared.

That night, however, Faramir’s sleep was unsettled, he dreamed the same dream over and over again, a voice inside his head, beautiful, repeating over and over again that his fate, his very future lay in Rohan. You must go to Rohan before it is too late.

It was not yet dawn when Faramir roused from his restless slumber and though he knew his father would most likely punish him for this, call him a traitor or worse, he dressed and slipped down to the stable.

He rode out under the cover of darkness, feeling guilty for going against his father’s word and for abandoning his post but something inside him, told Faramir that he must do this. He must go to Helm’s Deep.

The trail was long and tiring and for some reason Faramir felt the need to push his horse to get to the Rohirrim stronghold quickly. Days later when he arrived, he could see that everyone in the Rohan capital had been led to the fort. He was met by one of King Théoden’s men who led him to the great hall.

The meeting did not go very well. Théoden was not pleased to see that only a single Ranger from Gondor was all the aid that was sent and Faramir learned that someone named Aragorn had gone missing, someone that apparently many had liked.

Even though Théoden was not pleased, he offered Faramir shelter and said that he appreciated that he at least had come, when others had not.

By midday the missing Aragorn returned and Faramir had been too busy helping the arms masters to even get much more than a glimpse of the man or the others who were said to travel with him. An Elf and a Dwarf.

It was nearly dark by the time Haldir spotted Helm’s Deep in the distance. After many hours of debate, Celeborn had ordered his most capable Elves to the keep, deciding that no, they couldn’t leave Man to fight the evil that was Sauron on their own. Only a few of the male Elves were left behind to protect the families that would remain in Lothlórien, and Haldir, having no family except his brothers, who were with him, had waited impatiently for everyone to say their goodbyes. He had lived a long and content life, and he was ready to die in this, likely the last battle the Elves would take part in before the remainder of them sailed to Aman.

An eternity of peacefulness was what almost all of the Elves wanted, but Haldir, who was considered beautiful, honorable and strong, but quite unapproachable by even the heartiest of Elves, thought he would likely die of boredom in Aman. He wanted a glorious death, to meet his end fighting against the very evil Man had brought down upon themselves with their own weakness, to reach the Halls of Mandos and see if there was a place for him there. While he loved Lothlórien and loved the Lord and Lady of the Realm, he had never felt a part of their lives. Too arrogant, too cold, too temperamental… he knew what they all thought of him. Even his brothers kept their distance. Haldir himself didn’t know if their assessment was correct or not, but he did know that he had no reason to try and change their minds. If they wanted no part of him, then he returned the feeling tenfold, and made no move to be friendly.

Finally, they approached the keep and were greeted by hundreds of startled and fascinated soldiers who had stopped dead in their tracks to see the Elves marching toward them. Aragorn came out, Legolas by his side, surprise and delight etched over every inch of the man’s tired but handsome face. “I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell,” Haldir said proudly, nodding toward the future king. “An alliance once existed between Elves and Men. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance.”

Faramir stood off to the side watching in fascination as hundreds of Elves poured through the gates. They were magnificent, moving in perfect unison. As a soldier, Faramir could appreciate the perfection as a whole but then the one leading them spoke. His attention was riveted. Long, pale gold hair, flowing down his back, meticulous braids pulled that same hair back to expose an exceedingly handsome face. Full lips that Faramir could just imagine kissing and bright sparkling blue eyes shone even in the dim light. In his staring and over the suddenly rapid beat of his heart thundering in his ears, Faramir almost did not hear his words. He watched as the one called Aragorn raced down the steps to greet the Elf, and was shocked to see the man hug the blond and couldn’t help but laugh a little when he saw the shock and confusion on the Elf’s face. A bemused grin appeared on the lovely full lips; as if the being was not quite sure how to return the sudden and exuberant hug. The Elf was gorgeous… more than that and Faramir found he could not take his eyes off him for a single moment.

It took Haldir a moment, but he finally returned Aragorn’s embrace, although a bit stiffly. Legolas, whom Haldir had known for centuries, crossed the small space between them, standing on the side of the Elves, proudly showing his solidarity, obviously pleased and surprised at the sheer numbers of soldiers Haldir had brought along with him. The smile on Aragorn’s face made Haldir feel a bit better about their situation, and he couldn’t help but return it.

He stepped away after a moment and looked around them. “We need to talk,” he said quietly to Aragorn. “And I would like to see what you have planned so I can judge where to best place my Elves.” As he spoke, he felt hundreds of eyes upon him, but didn’t look up. Men always stared at Elves… it was nothing new. And so, he failed to notice the bright blue eyes watching him so intently, the soft smile on one young Ranger’s face. Instead, he motioned his soldiers to stay where they were and followed Aragorn into the keep, already anxious to know what they were facing.

Faramir watched as the Elven captain walked away with the man called Aragorn, it was obvious from their gestures; they were already discussing the coming battle. Something that Faramir should have his mind on and not on how beautiful the Elf in the dark red cloak was. Before he could go far, one of the king’s men called to him and Faramir moved down the stairway to discuss his own position.

“Gondor’s Rangers are well trained archers are they not?” the king asked as Faramir approached.

“Aye, sire.”

“Good, you’ll take position on the wall with the Elves and Aragorn’s party. Seems I recall you speak Elvish,” Théoden continued.

“I do speak a little… passable I suppose,” Faramir said surprised Théoden recalled that detail about him, it had been many years since he had visited Rohan himself and even longer since his father had been very friendly toward Théoden. With that, however, the king dismissed him and Faramir decided to pass his time near the Elven group, simply waiting for whatever command would be made. He was accustomed to giving commands these days and it felt strange to be just another soldier again. Faramir tried to keep his mind on the coming battle but his eyes continued to stray toward where he’d seen the Elven captain disappear with Aragorn.

Haldir listened quietly to Aragorn’s plans and asked where he wished for the Elves to be stationed, offering a few suggestions himself. Aragorn quickly agreed and less than half an hour after their arrival, Haldir strode back out of the keep and began issuing orders to the Elves still standing at attention where he’d left them. When all had been given their orders, he took his position at the top of a tall, thin staircase, withdrew his bow and stared straight ahead in the direction Aragorn had told him the attack would come from. He didn’t notice anyone or anything, and simply settled in to wait for the battle to begin. He had the distinct feeling that today would be the day he traveled to the Halls of Mandos, and he was more than ready for the journey.

When Aragorn returned with the Elven captain, Faramir heard orders being issued to the Elves. The young Ranger kept well out of the way, before approaching the Elf that traveled with him, he’d heard called Legolas. “King Thoeden has asked that I join your party on the wall, I am Faramir a Ranger of Gondor.”

The Elf told Faramir where he should position himself and did so, joining the many Elves along the walls. When he looked out, the night was so dark he could barely make out their enemies in the distance. They were moving closer with every moment and this night would be a long one. Time seemed to stretch out at first, anticipation building as they waited and then everything seemed to happen so quickly. They were suddenly fighting, not only to save the keep and protect Rohan, but fighting for their own lives.

The orcs killed everyone in their path, though a great many of the vile creatures fell as well. Several of the creatures seemed to take great pleasure in killing Elves, as if they somehow knew that their origins lay with the first-born. With the beauty and grace that the orcs felt should have been theirs on display before them, they seemed to take out their wrath on the creatures, often outnumbering them three or four to one and toying with them until they died. Some of the Elves managed to fight their way free, but as countless others fell, another small piece of goodness and light was erased from Arda, and each of the remaining creatures felt the loss of their kin.

Haldir had just dispatched one of the larger orcs as another snuck up behind him. Exhausted from hours of fighting, the golden Elf failed to hear the orc. As he looked before him toward the next dark creature heading his way, he had no idea that the death he longed for was only moments away.

It seemed as if all of Mordor had opened up and spat out every foul beast the dark lord had, right there in Rohan. Wave after wave of them poured over the wall and Faramir knew that if he stopped moving for a single moment, he would simply collapse from exhaustion. Spinning, after his sword sliced through an orc before him, Faramir saw just a few feet away the Elven captain, his beautiful hair stained with dark orc blood, his cloak torn, and a huge orc moving behind him with an axe raised. It was as if time stopped for a moment, Faramir could see the blow, could see the archer fall with an axe imbedded in his back… it was merely a vision, gone in an instant and Faramir cried out to the Elf, not even recalling his words as he rushed forward, stopping the axe with his sword but not strong enough to defeat the huge creature. It happened in an instant, the axe sliding down the sword to the hilt and glancing off Faramir’s shoulder, breaking his collarbone and cutting deeply. His scream of pain was lost amongst hundreds of others and the man felt his knees give as he went down. The only thought in his mind had been saving the Elven warrior, not his own life.

Startled, Haldir turned just as the axe that had been meant for him cut through flesh and bone of a Ranger who had appeared out of nowhere. Acting on pure instinct alone, Haldir drove his sword through the orc’s heart and pushed him away, grabbing the handle of the axe embedded in the young man’s chest from the creature’s hand so it wouldn’t rip through even more flesh as it was pulled away. The man had to be dead, he thought sadly, wondering why on all of Arda he had taken the blow for him, when he would have sworn they had never even set eyes upon each other before. He loosed an arrow at an approaching orc and the anger and confusion in his eyes seemed to ward off another who approached. The creature detoured in another direction, directly into Legolas’ path, and was killed moments later.

Haldir’s first thought was to simply pull the ax from the Ranger’s body and keep fighting, but the Man at least deserved to be honored for his bravery and selflessness. The Elf fell to his knees and worked the axe out of the wound, not even looking at the man’s face. Even though he was certain his savior was dead, his touch was gentle, almost reverent, for he had just seen an act that he thought few Men were capable of in this age. His opinion of Men in general shifted, if only a little. “I will at least take your body somewhere safe,” he whispered, carefully picking up the young man and deciding that his absence would not even be noticed for the few moments it would take him to put the Ranger’s body somewhere away from the battle. “Your sacrifice was needless, Ranger, for it is my fate to die here today.”

The pain was almost blinding when he felt the axe start to be removed. Faramir had to grit his teeth, almost certain they would shatter from the force. He had no idea it was not the orc simply pulling the axe away to finish him but Faramir forced his eyes open to face his death. His gaze was not met with the horrid sight of an orc waiting to end his life; instead he looked in relief at the Elf he’d saved, hovering over him. The golden warrior was alive and Faramir felt as if he’d done exactly what his dreams had told him to. This was to be his fate… save the Elf. That was his future… too bad it was ending now.

He moaned as the Elf picked him up, the shock wearing off and the pain flaring more brightly. Simply collapsing against the broad chest of the Elf, Faramir allowed himself to close his eyes, wondering when death would come for him. He could not move his head without great pain and blood soaked his entire chest. “Not… not your fate… mine. Mine was to save you,” he murmured softly, barely audible above the din of battle. He had no idea where the Elf was taking him, and at this point it no longer mattered.

So startled he almost dropped the man resting against him, Haldir froze in place for a moment when he heard the whispered words reach his ears. The man was alive? And… he thought his fate was to die for an Elf he didn’t even know?

Gathering his wits about him, Haldir ducked beneath the axe of a passing orc and quickly made his way into the keep, where the foul creatures had not yet broken through. He longed to get back to the heart of the battle, but could not, in good conscience, leave the Ranger alone to die. It seemed impossible that he still lived, but Haldir had heard the words clearly.

Making his way deep inside the keep, Haldir found an empty room and lay the man against him down gently on the table that had been shoved next to the far wall. “Who are you?” he whispered, ripping open Faramir’s vest and tunic so he could get a better look at the wound. His fingers probed carefully at the edge, then tore off a long strip of the tunic to slow the bleeding. There was no way this Man could live after such an injury. His voice softened, and without even looking at Faramir’s face, he was already dreading having to watch him die. Pressing the tunic over the steadily flowing blood, he sighed, and looked toward the door, hoping that they would be left in peace, at least until the young man passed. “And by the Valar why did you save me? That axe was meant for me, not you.”

Though the Elf was graceful and careful, it seemed each step they took made Faramir’s entire upper body flare with pain. He preferred the numb feeling he’d had earlier when he’d first been injured to this, but clamped his jaw tight to keep from whimpering. He could tell the Elf was confused, still wondering why he’d saved him and Faramir wasn’t quite sure he had the answer to that. The only thought was that he simply couldn’t watch something that beautiful die. That had to be why he was there… he’d seen the Elf’s death… and known he was the only one who could save him. He cried out in pain when his tunic was torn away and looked up at the Elf. “My… name is Faramir, a Ranger of Gondor. I… I came here because…” his words were cut off when suddenly a loud deafening roar came from outside the keep and the very floor shook.

Haldir was once again reacting on instinct alone. Just as he was about to look at the Ranger’s face, the entire keep shook beneath them. He leaned over Faramir’s upper body to protect it just as pieces of stone and mortar fell from the ceiling and arced in from the tall, thin arches that served as windows. His arms slid beneath the man’s – Faramir, he’d said he name was – shoulders and protected him as best he could until the world was once again stilled beneath his feet. He held on a moment longer, then carefully pulled away, finally only now looking at the Ranger’s face. “Whatever your reason for coming here, you should not have…” He stopped short as their eyes met; Haldir’s full of fire and impatience, the need to meet his fate almost, but not quite, overriding his desire to stay with this man in his last moments, and Faramir’s, full of pain and resignation, fully ready to give his life for Haldir’s with no regrets. The Elf’s mouth was suddenly dry and he was at a loss for words, the battle around them almost forgotten. “You… you… should have let it kill me,” he finally managed.

Faramir’s eyes widened in worry as the keep shook for what seemed forever but the Elf lay over him, protecting him. When the Elf drew away again, Faramir opened his eyes wide, still wondering what had just happened outside but too captivated by the intense blue eyes, gazing into his own. “I could not let it kill you. I saw… what would happen and I could not allow one so beautiful to be killed that way. Not like that, not here, not now,” Faramir whispered, his words laced with pain. “Please… before I die will you… will you grant me two small boons?” He saw the Elf’s eyes widen slightly and a quick nod in answer. “Tell me your name… and… and kiss me.” Faramir wondered where he got the notion to ask the Elf to kiss him, but if this was his end, then at least he could have a pleasurable memory to see him into the next world.

To say Haldir was stunned was an understatement. This Man who was likely dying before his very eyes wanted a kiss? The very notion of kissing a Man, under any other circumstance, would have appalled and disgusted him. Besides, had this Man not been dying, Haldir would have been furious at him for interfering. But his anger and impatience seemed to recede as Faramir spoke so softly and the golden Elf decided that he could make a concession – this once – and grant the man his wishes. After all, these were probably the last moments he would know on Arda. A strange feeling of sorrow washed over him as he thought of this brave Ranger dying for him, however. There were too few men who showed such honor and courage, and the world would be poorer for the loss of this one. After a moment’s hesitation, he brushed the hair back from Faramir’s face, which was dark with mud and blood, both human and orc. He completely forgot about the battle raging just on the other side of the wall and gave the young man a sad smile. “Aye. My name is Haldir,” he said softly. “And I suppose I could spare a kiss for such a brave Ranger…” With that, he lowered his lips to the dying man’s and pressed them gently together. An odd energy seemed to race down his spine as soft, sweet lips parted before him, and he tenderly swept his tongue inside the warmth of Faramir’s mouth. He thought the kiss would be intolerable, revolting… and something he would never wish to have to go through again. He was mistaken.

Chapter 2

Faramir at first thought the Elf might laugh at his request or make an excuse at the very least not to kiss him. But it seemed that as the Elf assessed him that he came to a decision. His heart skipped when the blond spoke, whispering his name and then moving closer. Time seemed to still for a moment, Faramir forgot his pain and very real fear of impending death as soft, full lips pressed against his own. The warmth of them against his was so sweetly perfect that Faramir gasped, his lips parting to allow the kiss to slip from chaste to much deeper. His tongue moved with Haldir’s, tasting his sweetness and feeling warmth and light seem to rush into him. The kiss brought him such peace that his entire body relaxed while heat coiled in the center. When the Elf finally drew away again, Faramir was breathless and stared up into eyes that seemed as confused as he too felt. He smiled slightly just before slipping into darkness, his body unable to remain conscious any longer.

Haldir sighed when Faramir slipped into unconsciousness, but gathered him close again as another blast shook the entire keep. Laying him back down carefully when the shaking stopped, he ran a tired hand over his eyes and sat on the edge of the table, studying the man before him. He would not find his own death in this room, that much was for certain, though death would take the Ranger at any moment. So sure was he that Faramir would not live, he was almost startled with every new breath he took. He would not open his eyes again, Haldir told himself, and would never know if he died alone. Had Haldir not kissed him, he might have convinced himself of that. Instead of leaving, he set to work on binding Faramir’s wound, grateful that at least he could not feel anything now. When he was finished, he looked longingly toward the door, torn between wanting to rush back out to the battle and doing something more to help this Ranger who was dying in his place. “You should not have done this, Faramir,” he repeated, though his voice was soft and not nearly as angry as it would have been had Faramir not been dying. “You should have minded your own business and left me to my death… it was my wish to die here, like this, and you have taken that from me.”

Faramir could not hear Haldir’s words of course, had no idea the Elf was with him, had no idea he was dead or alive really. He was completely oblivious to it all for now, but he would not stay unconscious forever.

The pain of his injuries stirred Faramir awake a short while later. The first thing he heard as he came awake again was that the battle was still raging outside but it sounded closer than before. His body was shaking; he was so cold, his still damp clothes clinging to him and the chill of the room making his shoulder and chest hurt even worse. He licked at chapped lips and opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the low torchlight of the small chamber. “They have broken through?” he asked softly, realizing the Elf was still there with him.

Blue eyes had been staring toward the window as Haldir listened to the screams of Men, orcs, and Elves around them. He should be there, but he knew in his heart that one more Elf would likely not make a difference. So intently was he listening and picturing what was going on around them, he jumped when Faramir spoke. Nodding grimly, he met Faramir’s gaze and was surprised to find some strength still in pain-filled blue eyes. “Aye. They broke through a while ago. I have heard trolls and the sounds of creatures I have heard of only in fables outside these windows.” He noticed that the Ranger was shivering only now and wished he still had his cloak. Removing his outer tunic instead, he rested it over Faramir’s arms and chest and took his hand. “Once it is safe, I will take you to the healers. They can mend your wound and take better care of you than I can.”

Faramir was surprised that the orcs had broken through the walls of Helms Deep, it had never happened in any history he could recall and he was certain he’d read them all. He watched in silence as the Elf removed one of his outer tunics to lay over him for warmth. “You must be doing something right,” Faramir said softly and saw Haldir’s eyebrows raise, “I am yet alive… so you are doing something right because… I was certain I would be dead by now.” Faramir didn’t dare move, didn’t dare breathe too deeply, knowing that the pain he felt even now would increase beyond being able to bear.

Haldir sighed, unable to truly be upset with the Man before him who spoke truthfully – by all accounts, he should be dead by now with such a wound. “I was certain I would be dead by now as well,” he said almost longingly. “You, however, should still be fighting, not lying here in pain for me. I came here to die, Faramir, not to watch you do it for me.” He tempered his words by taking the Ranger’s long, cold fingers in his own and rubbing them gently. “You are cold. There are embers that have flown through the windows that I can use to build a fire with if you can stand to let me move you off this table. We can burn it and rest before the flames if you think that might help.”

Frowning deeply when Haldir spoke, Faramir made the mistake of trying to shake his head. He moaned and his hand clamped tight around the Elf’s as he tried to comfort him even after his words distressed him so. “Why say that? Why would you wish for death? You are immortal and… and too beautiful to die like that,” Faramir whispered, unable to believe what Haldir had said.

Unable to keep a small smile from his face, Haldir shook his head. “I am but one of many Elves,” he said softly, “no more or less beautiful than any other, and immortality is not always the gift many Men think it to be. You would not understand. Just know that I came here today with the hopes of seeing the Halls of Mandos around me the next time I opened my eyes.”

Faramir could not help but frown again as Haldir spoke, before he could answer though he shivered and the pain of it caused him to cry out. “I think… Gods… I think you might be right about a fire, I’m so cold and each movement makes me hurt even worse, even the slightest shiver,” he said still clinging tight to the Elf’s warm fingers. He still could not believe one like Haldir would wish to die. Immortality may not be as perfect as one wishes, life was often hard sometimes painful, sometimes lonely, but surely Haldir’s life cannot be so bad as all that to wish to give it all up?

Haldir nodded, the contact from both the earlier kiss and the linking of their hands more contact than he’d had with anyone, let alone a Man, in centuries. “Very well,” he nodded, slipping his hand from Faramir’s and sliding his arms beneath him. “Just try and relax while I move you, then you can rest while I tear the table apart. The warmth will help.” With that, he slowly pulled Faramir against him, wincing as he saw the other’s eyes darken with pain. He kept talking as he crossed the room with Faramir resting against him, hoping to distract him. “This was my last chance to fight, and more than anything I have longed for a warrior’s death. I have no intention of sailing with the other Elves to Aman, and dying here, like this, in the heat of battle would save me from having to explain why I wish to avoid the one place that all of my kin have longed all their lives for.”

Faramir’s hand immediately felt cold again as soon as Haldir released him and he bit his lip hard against the pain as the strong Elf lifted him and carried him close to the hearth. There was a threadbare rug there but at least something between his body and the cold floor and he managed to bite back a scream of pain as Haldir carefully laid him down again. “I can understand wishing for an honorable death, all soldiers wish that if they have to die, it should be in battle, with honor, fighting for what they believe in… but… but you do not have to have that fate. Why would you choose death over eternity with your family and friends— your loved ones?”

As Haldir crossed the room again and carried the table closer to Faramir, he shrugged. “I have no friends or loved ones, really,” he explained, ripping off one leg of the table as easily as a Man would snap a ruler in half. “I have two brothers who have no need for anyone but themselves, and I have spent so much time alone, I am not fit for the company of others any longer.” Another leg was ripped off and laid inside the fireplace next to the first. “I am happiest while on patrol – I am a Marcharden, by the way – and once the Elves reach Aman, there will be no real need for protection, so… I can think of no place that I would be less needed – or more unhappy. The Halls of Mandos, however, might offer me something that I cannot find here on Arda… at least, I have been hoping so.”

Listening as the Elf spoke, Faramir managed to turn his head just enough to be able to regard Haldir as he began to disassemble the table with more ease than any man Faramir had ever witnessed. “None? No lover? No one who would miss you? You… you aren’t even close with your brothers?” Faramir asked having a hard time understanding. He was extremely close to his brother and though his father was hard on him… he did love him. He could understand just a small amount of Haldir’s unhappiness, if his entire life, which was likely several human lifetimes, was spent guarding and protecting how would he do that in a place that needed neither? The Elf was equating his worth with what he did not who he was, a trap even he, himself fell into at times when he felt he should be more of the soldier his father wanted, than the man who longed for peace that he was.

“No, no lover,” Haldir sighed, tearing off the last leg of the table and using it to nudge a glowing ember that rested beneath the window toward the fireplace. “My brothers are madly in love with each other and I have never been close to them. As for a lover… I have paid for sex now and again, if that is what you mean, but buying a night of passion is not exactly what I have in mind to do for an eternity. I could not afford it. Besides, I am not the friendliest, or most loveable of Elves, and I have no desire to woo someone into wanting to spend eternity with me.” Pausing to blow on the ember until a small splinter of the table leg tentatively caught fire, he moved to sit beside Faramir, watching as the flames slowly began to build. “So you see, you have quite disturbed my plans already, Faramir. I am hoping to get you to the healers soon and go and meet my death with honor before the fighting ends.”

Faramir had the oddest temptation when Haldir said he had no lover to ask if he wanted one. Specifically, him for some reason he couldn’t explain. He refrained of course; a man on his deathbed shouldn’t be thinking such things. He frowned as Haldir went on though about paying for sex. “I do not find you so unfriendly,” Faramir said after a moment. “You’ve been kind to me at least and I am afraid right now, in the shape I am in, I am sorely in need of such kindness.” He couldn’t address the other, he did not regret upsetting Haldir’s plans. In fact, now that he knew this, he hoped to keep the Elf with him as long as he could.

“You do not know me well enough to dislike me,” Haldir said with an odd half-smile, thinking that for some odd reason, he didn’t really want Faramir to dislike him. Then, of course, he came to his senses… of course he wanted Faramir to dislike him. He was being kind only because the Man was dying… would soon be dead if the looks of that wound were any indication, though he seemed to be hanging on rather well at the moment. Unfortunately. The Elf couldn’t help but look longingly toward the window. It wouldn’t matter either way… they would likely both be dead by daybreak. “It is getting quieter out there. Maybe we should try and get you to the healer’s quarters now.”

Faramir snorted as Haldir said he didn’t know him well enough to dislike him and immediately regretted it. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he looked over at the Elf as Haldir stared toward the window where he wished to meet his honorable death. “Will you just leave me with them and disappear for me to never see you again?”

Haldir turned and met Faramir’s gaze squarely. Again, the very honor of the firstborn kept him in place, and at the same time would not allow him to lie… though the memory of those soft lips opening up before his own didn’t help matters either. “Aye. You were injured only because of me, so I will not leave you, but I have no intention of ending this night alive. I argued that Men did not deserve the help of the Elves, and I admit you have changed my mind about that, but I still want to die here, now, and avoid further discussion of Aman and all that it holds for an Elf like myself.”

Faramir opened his mouth to say ‘then do not go to Aman’ but refrained. Why would Haldir wish to stay on Arda when all his kind was leaving it? He would be surrounded by men and from the sound of his words, he felt men as undeserving. No, he would not like that fate either. But then his next words confused the young man. If Faramir had changed his opinion of men then why would he still wish to fulfill this foolish goal? It was a waste of a perfectly good person… someone that Faramir thought just needed something to live for. “I do not wish to watch you die, so perhaps it would be best to leave me with the healers and go seek your death then,” Faramir said sadly. “I think you are wrong, I think you have your mind and heart set on the wrong goal, mellonamin.” He closed his eyes then, trying to relax against the pain, the conversation with Haldir taking his mind off it at times.

As Faramir spoke, Haldir found himself stealing glances at the Ranger’s lips. He couldn’t seem to help himself. “So you feel up to my taking you from this room then?” he asked. He was surprised, and oddly reluctant to do so, but then again, he could get back on track with his original plans. So intent was he on the conversation with Faramir that he failed to notice that the fighting seemed to have quieted outside their window.

Faramir’s eyes opened and he stared up at the high ceiling above him for a moment. “Aye, you might as well,” he agreed though not with any sort of enthusiasm. He wished the Elf would change his mind but he seemed quite stubborn. “I hope if you leave and return to the fight that you will not hate me for praying for your safety… for I still do not believe it is your fate to die here today. I… I often see things… visions if you will, I saw what your death would have been had I not stopped it… it was not your time yet, Haldir, and I still do not believe this place is where you will find this death you so eagerly seek.”

Haldir, seeing his chance to get back to the battle, rose and gently pulled Faramir back into his arms. He stood before the fire for a moment, hoping to warm him a bit before they set out as he thought about what the Ranger had said. “So where do you see me finding my death?” he asked softly, giving the young man a half-smile. “And why would you pray for my safety? You do not know me… though you almost died for me. Why would my life – or death – matter to you at all?”

Faramir groaned as he was pulled into strong arms and rested his head against Haldir’s chest. “I do not know where yet, but I do not feel it is here… it is too… hard and cold,” he murmured and looked up at the Elf as they stood before the warming flames. “And your life matters, Haldir, I would pray for anyone on our side in these times… but you are right… I did almost die for you and may still yet. I… I came here because of a vision, I came here because the vision insisted my future lie here, and when I saw that orc behind you I knew then, that it was my duty and my fate to protect you. I do not know why… but I do… find you exceedingly beautiful. Maybe I just did not wish to see something so beautiful destroyed amongst so much horror tonight.”

Chapter 3

Haldir was torn between wanting to ignore Faramir’s words and wanting to sit back down and find out more about his visions… and about Faramir himself. His decision was made for him when he heard heavy footsteps running down the hallway past their door, thankfully not stopping to check this, what should be an empty, locked room. “You put me in a difficult position,” he sighed, relaxing when the footsteps died away, and deciding to give the halls a few moments longer to clear. He sat down on the hearth, this time with Faramir still in his arms, and turned the young man towards the fire. “I would feel … guilty if you gave your life for mine, and then I died in spite of your sacrifice.” His eyes darkened as he looked back at Faramir and frowned. “I wish you had just looked away… or ignored your vision, Faramir. It would have been best for us both.”

“You are not in such a difficult position, is it really so bad to be here now? I fear that there will be plenty of this war still left, if Rohan finds victory by whatever miracle, where do you think Sauron will look next? You have plenty of battles still left, perhaps you were meant to do great things in the days to come. Besides, I am not dead yet, so I have sacrificed nothing but a bit of blood, bone and pain,” Faramir said softly. He looked up as Haldir frowned and smiled a little. “It was my choice, you should feel no guilt for it… if you were as bad as you claim… you’d feel nothing at all.”

Looking thoroughly indignant, Haldir scowled at Faramir and shook his head. “You are stubborn, Ranger, and are determined to see the good in me, are you not?” Another sound came from the hallway and without thinking the Elf pulled Faramir close with one arm and reached for his sword with the other. “I will admit you have delicious lips,” he whispered against Faramir’s ear as he kept a weary eye on the door, “and a warm, sweet mouth… but I am beginning to think you are stronger than I first thought you were. You are not only still breathing… but you are being quite ornery as well.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir called him stubborn but the sound from the hall worried him as well and he found the arm that he could move wrapped around Haldir, clinging to him. He was hardly breathing at all as he felt Haldir reach for his sword but then the words about his lips and mouth reached his ears. His pale face blushed and then he laughed just a little, regretting the action immediately as he groaned in pain. “Please… please do not make me laugh…” he whimpered though he still couldn’t help but smile even through the pain. He wasn’t sure why it pleased him so much that Haldir had enjoyed kissing him… but it did. Very much so.

“I can feel you smiling against my neck,” Haldir murmured, relaxing his grip on the sword when again, the footsteps passed by their door, half frustrated and half amused by the man in his arms. “And I find myself wondering if you are amused by the compliment or the insult…”

“We can settle on both,” Faramir said after a moment. One benefit of being so very cold was that somehow it seemed to numb the pain a little, but now that he was growing warm and drier, the pain seemed to start coming back even more intensely. “The pain is starting to get to be more than I can bear,” he admitted. “Do you think it is safe?”

The ridiculous and totally unbidden question of whether or not another kiss might ease Faramir’s pain ran through Haldir’s mind and he firmly pushed it away, startled at his own betrayal of what he knew was best for him. And in the realm of ‘best for him,’ no where did Faramir fit into his plans. In fact, he was the very reason those plans had failed thus far. Still, he was in pain, and though Haldir wasn’t exactly ‘nice’, he couldn’t very well yell at someone who was hurting because of him. The yelling could come later. “Aye… I think the halls are clear now,” he said, standing up again and making his way to the door. He listened closely for a moment, and then opened the door, stepping out into a thankfully empty hallway. “Do you know the way?”

“I only arrived here just today myself, only a few hours before you, but I believe that if you follow this corridor we will find the healers,” Faramir said softly. He wasn’t sure how he knew it, if it was a memory from the one time he’d visited the keep years ago or if he somehow just knew as he did a great many things in his life. Sometimes he hated that knowledge, other times he was thankful for it. He simply rested against Haldir and tried to focus on anything but the painful throbbing of his shoulder.

They stopped twice when charging orcs either chased or were chased down the corridors, hiding both times in conveniently placed alcoves that few men would have been able to fit into quickly enough. The second time, Haldir accidentally jarred Faramir as he tried to get them out of harms’ way and knew he’d hurt him. A moan would soon follow, and the Elf certainly couldn’t blame him, so he did the first thing that came to mind. He pulled Faramir’s upper body up and leaned down, pressing their lips together, swallowing Faramir’s startled cry as pain wracked through his chest and arm. It was more to quiet him than anything else, but Haldir found his lips lingering for a moment longer than necessary after the orcs had disappeared. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I did not mean to hurt… or kiss you.”

The first time, Faramir felt his heart in his throat as the orcs passed them by, knowing that if they caught the scent of his blood they would be dead. Haldir could not fight them and protect him, not the way he was carrying him. When they next ventured out of their hiding spot, Faramir almost screamed in pain when Haldir jarred his shoulder against the hard unforgiving wall. Before he could cry out or even attempt to stifle it, somehow his lips were captured by Haldir’s. The shifting of his body again had hurt horribly but as soon as the pain faded, he felt the warmth and pleasure of Haldir’s kiss flood through him. It was longer than was needed, the orcs footsteps had long since faded by the time they drew apart again. He stared into deep blue eyes for a moment. “I do not believe you,” Faramir said softly, “about the kiss… I would if you had not made it so… pleasurable.”

Haldir, breathing hard for reasons other than having to run and hide from orcs, smiled despite himself. “I cannot help it if I am a naturally good kisser,” he retorted as he cautiously stepped back out into the hallway and moved toward the healer’s quarters. “Or if you find that you get pleasure from kissing random Elves that you feel you must save in the midst of battles, ruining – or at least postponing – their plans for hours at a time…” His words weren’t exactly nice, but they were tempered by the teasing inflection he didn’t even realize was in his voice. “I will be glad to leave you and your smart … but admittedly delicious… mouth to the healers.”

Faramir had to fight against laughing when Haldir spoke, and as the Elf continued as he walked, the young man found himself simply gazing at the blond wondering how serious he was and how much was bluster or teasing. He found that he liked Haldir, his beauty, which had captured his attention immediately, his strength, both of will and body, as well as character, and his sense of humor. “I find it hard to believe you have no lover… you spar as one would,” Faramir teased as they emerged from the corridor into a large room where wounded men and Elves lined every available bed, cot, and even blankets in the floor as healers moved among them assessing and treating each one. “There are so many…” his words trailed off sadly, his own injury worse than some but not nearly as bad as others.

Haldir’s grim laughter at his lack of a lover stuck in his throat as they looked around the room. Some of his own Elves were lying on cots, none he was a friend with, but many under his command. “By the Valar, they should have sailed,” he whispered under his breath. “I told Lord Celeborn that this was a bad idea… these Elves wanted to go to Aman…” Shaking his head, he looked away, seeing how pale Faramir was. “I need some help here!” His voice was loud, and he could only hope to catch the attention of one of the healers. “This man is wounded and in pain… Someone help him!” His voice, used to being in command, rang above the din of the room, and it seemed that everyone turned to look at him. “Someone do something!”

If the pain and blood loss were not starting to take a toll on Faramir he might have been amused at the way the Elf commanded the room. But his amusement was softened by his pain, and the sight of so many wounded. Not to mention the sadness in Haldir’s words had touched him. The Elf may claim he had no friends but he was still good at heart. These were Elves under his command and like Faramir would, he felt responsible for each of them. “And these Elves are not yet dead… they may still sail,” Faramir whispered as an offer of comfort as one of the healers approached.

“Gods, he is still alert?” The healer asked as he approached, amazed that the young man in the Elf’s arms was awake, though obviously in pain and had suffered a great deal of blood loss and a very deep and nasty wound. “Bring him over here, just lay him on that cot,” the healer directed as he began gathering bandages, healing herbs, and water along the way.

Haldir followed the healer with a wry smile, relaxing a bit when everyone who had stopped to stare at him resumed their activities. “He is entirely too stubborn to sleep.” The healer gave him a rather startled look, unsure of whether or not he was joking. From the look on his face, he didn’t seem like the type of Elf who joked very often, but he was exceedingly gentle with the man in his arms, which was surprising.

Haldir smiled down at Faramir and lay him carefully down on the bed. “Now, if you will do your best to heal quickly, and if I am alive by the time you do, I will grant you another kiss,” he teased, brushing the hair back from Faramir’s face again. “Otherwise, remember me by the kisses we did share, and I will do my best to forgive you for putting my plans a bit behind schedule.”

Faramir frowned as he looked up at Haldir, not wanting him to go but he had agreed to this. “I will always remember you, Haldir… but I wish you would not continue on with this ‘schedule’ you have,” he whispered honestly.

The healer had no clue what they were talking about and did not care. “Obviously the blade wasn’t poisoned,” he murmured as he looked at the Elf for a moment. “He’ll be well cared for… and his wound looks bad but it is not as bad as I first thought… his collarbone is in bad shape, I am unsure about that healing properly but they did save him from the blade doing worse,” the healer offered the words to Haldir even as he plied Faramir with a sleeping draught. “This will work quickly. You’ll sleep and the pain will go away for a while at least,” he murmured to the man, knowing that the pain would increase as he treated the wounds and needing Faramir asleep for it.

The potion the healer gave him was strong and his vision was already starting to dim. “I wish you luck, mellonamin,” Faramir whispered as Haldir’s image began to blur and he slid into a drugged sleep.

Haldir started to stand, and paused for a moment, allowing himself one last look at Faramir’s face. “I wish you luck as well, Faramir,” he whispered. “Though you should not call me your friend, not when I have only caused you pain. I did not mean to, but I am sorry I did.” With that, he pressed a kiss against the Ranger’s forehead, the first time he had ever done such a thing, and smiled. “Goodbye. I wish you well.”

A moment later, he was back in the hallway, his sword already drawn, ready to head back into battle, determined that this time, he would do what he came here to do, despite Faramir’s dreams or visions, or whatever they were… this time, he would die.

Chapter 4

Celeborn had been watching over his warriors with the guidance of Galadriel’s mirror. His heart seemed torn in two with each and every loss, each and every soul that traveled to Mandos instead of returning to sail to Aman. He watched as a young man, a Ranger put his life before Haldir’s, and Galadriel had confirmed that Haldir did wish to meet his death in battle before Helms Deep was lost for good or won. Closing his eyes, Celeborn reached out to the younger Elf, needing for Haldir to follow his orders now. Especially now when Galadriel told him that it was not the night for Haldir to die. Even the young Gondorian seemed to know. Haldir.

Haldir almost skidded to a halt as he heard Lord Celeborn’s voice in his head. It was not often that the Lord of the Golden Wood used farspeak to communicate, and his first thought was that something had gone terribly wrong. Had Lothlórien been attacked in the soldier’s absence? Were the remaining Elves about to be ordered back home, knowing that the battle was lost? Aye my Lord. I am here. Is something wrong?

Many things, but ease your mind, Haldir, you are needed still in Rohan… but not as a warrior, Celeborn explained knowing that Haldir would want more details he continued on. Stay in the healing chambers; stay there with the young man who saved your life. Stay and protect him, the healers are unarmed… I do not know all of the reasons why, but you must stay with him.. Celeborn was unsure what the importance of the steward’s youngest son was, but Galadriel had said the young man had a part to play in shaping the new world, should Frodo destroy the One Ring.

Haldir found another alcove and closed his eyes, strengthening his connection with Celeborn. But… I am a warrior, my Lord. My skills are needed in battle, not nursing a foolish young man who was injured by his own impulsivity. He does not need me. Can one of the other Elves not watch over him if he is so important?

No. I do not know why, Haldir, but this task is yours. I cannot give it to another. You know that Galadriel’s mirror does not tell us everything, but you are the only one who can do this. You must protect him as he heals and return with him to Gondor when it is time, Celeborn explained feeling the frustration in Haldir. I wish I could tell you why, but I cannot, for I do not know… but the young man was right. It is not your time.

Of course Celeborn – by way of Galadriel – would have sensed his plans, Haldir thought. But if he did not die here, then the Elves could likely be called home… and to sail. And by the Valar, an eternity of life as he knew it now was not what he wanted. He was too old to change, too stubborn to even consider it… and so he would be stuck in Aman just as he was in Lothlórien, except there, he would have no one to guard, no one to train. He would truly be alone. ??My Lord… please. Please do not make me do this. You do not understand. Forgive me, but even in all your wisdom, you do not understand… ??

Celeborn could feel Haldir’s indignation, his frustration and an underlying feeling of fear of being trapped in a life he did not want. Haldir had always been a very different sort of Elf. He was not interested in the pursuits other Elves were, far too serious even as an Elfling. I am sorry, Haldir. You must do this. I have asked you… but I will order you to do this if I must.

Haldir felt like banging his head against the wall in frustration, but he could hear the conviction in Celeborn’s voice. There was no one else on all of Arda who could make him to do this, but if there was any loyalty in him, it was to the Lord and Lady he had sworn to protect with his very life. He shoulders sagged and he sheathed his sword, swallowing back his frustration. You leave me no choice. Never before have I questioned your orders, and I will not do so now. But never before has an order conflicted so deeply with what I believe is best. He sighed, turned back toward the healer’s quarters and nodded, though he knew Celeborn couldn’t see him. I will watch over him, keep him safe and return him to Gondor if it is your wish, though you know how this day would end for me if I were given a choice.

Celeborn frowned and sighed heavily. And it would have been the wrong choice, I am sure of that. Thank you, Haldir… eventually this will all make sense, Celeborn broke the link between them with that and looked at his wife beside him. “It is up to the Valar now for we cannot order him to love,” he whispered.

Haldir took his time, but moments later; he was back at Faramir’s side. The healer was still with him and it was almost startling how much paler the young Ranger looked now, compared to when he’d left him, though very little time had passed. “How can I help?” he asked softly, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed and wincing as Faramir moaned in his sleep. A nearby Elf under his command who had been injured looked up at him in surprise and Haldir glared at him until he looked away, then turned his attention back to the healer. “Apparently he is my responsibility now, so I may as well assist you.”

The healer looked up in surprise when the Elf returned, announcing his young charge was his responsibility. “Your… well… I… he seemed to take a turn for the worse after you left, his wound began to bleed badly when I attempted to rebind it… though now… huh… how odd,” the healer stopped talking then lifting the bandage. “It seems to have slowed again. You could help by watching over him, wipe his brow with this… he is starting to develop a fever I think and make sure he doesn’t thrash around. I have others to treat,” the old man said practically shoving the wet cloth into Haldir’s hand.

Faramir had felt adrift within his dreams, they were dark and then somehow, some way they felt lighter, he felt less unsettled and began to relax again. His conscious mind did not know that Haldir had returned but some part of him seemed to calm now that the Elf was there.

With another put-upon sigh, Haldir took the cloth from the healer and stared down at Faramir. After a moment, he wiped the cloth across a fevered brow and pulled a chair next to the bed, settling in as comfortably as possible, given that he didn’t want to be there in the first place. “You are already troublesome,” he muttered, as the cloth ran lightly over Faramir’s face and neck. His words were unkind, but his touch was still gentle as he continued. “And I have a feeling this is only the beginning.”

Faramir did not hear Haldir’s words but he felt his touch, felt his presence and something in him calmed completely. He loosed a soft sigh rather than a painful moan and relaxed against the cot, somehow knowing he was safe and would be cared for.

Chapter 5

The next several hours were tense; there were rumors as they brought in thankfully less and less injured, that Gandalf had returned with riders, and used the dawn and the terrain around Helms Deep to their advantage.

Word reached the healing hall that morning that the king was starting to move through all the various halls, checking on his people and assessing the damages. The women and children were released from the caves and many of the women began to prepare meals or to help the healers.

At around mid-day King Théoden, accompanied by Éomer, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Gandalf, entered the healing chamber where Haldir and Faramir were. Aragorn spotted Haldir right away, wondering what he was doing there, as he didn’t seem injured.

Gandalf thought he recognized the copper haired man on the cot whom Haldir seemed to be tending… and oddly enough, he seemed to be doing it gently, though he wore a deep frown. He asked immediately if Faramir could be moved and one of the healers complained that they couldn’t move every injured man or Elf into their own private room within the keep. It was King Théoden who interceded then. “The son of the steward of Gondor and a captain in his own right will not be treated as any other soldier, we have better manners than that and we’ll not be accused otherwise,” Théoden snapped.

By late that afternoon, a still unconscious Faramir had been moved to a small chamber with a fireplace and little else. Later, meals were brought but it was still some time before the young man stirred from his slumber. He had dreamed peacefully it seemed, his sleep truly a healing one as he had seen visions of a possible future. Gondor restored to a former glory none who were now alive could recall, except the Elves. The Elves. Was Haldir still alive? Did he find his honorable death? Faramir prayed that he hadn’t.

His shoulder was hurting, it was throbbing with each heartbeat and his eyes opened in narrow slits, feeling as if they were filled with sand. “Where am I?” he asked hearing someone else in the room but too sore to turn his head to look for them.

Haldir, seated by the bed, had been staring out the window, and hadn’t heard his charge stirring. When he turned, however, only the young man’s eyes were open. “You are in the healing quarters,” he said softly, still unsure of just where he stood in the great scheme of things at this point as he dipped a cloth in cool water again and started wringing it out. “And apparently you are the son of the steward of Gondor, a little fact you neglected to tell me by the way, so you have a room of your own.”

Faramir frowned as he heard the last voice he expected to hear. “You… you lived… so there were none who could defeat you,” he smiled as he turned a little, wincing as he did so. He ignored the rest of Haldir’s words, too elated to see the Elf alive.

“None could defeat me because I was ordered not to fight,” Haldir muttered. “I was, instead, assigned to keeping you safe and return you to Gondor.” His mood was dark, but in truth, he was delighted to see Faramir awake. He told himself that was only because the sooner he healed, the sooner he would be free to take him home, then return to whatever battle he could find, but somehow he knew there was more to it than that. In his typical stubborn manner, however, he refused to think on it further. “Now, enough about me. Here…” He moved closer and ran the cloth over Faramir’s lips. “Can you drink or shall I get you more ice? I have kept your lips moist, but if you can drink, I think you would feel better.”

“What? I… do not understand,” Faramir said utterly confused. Who would order Haldir to keep him safe? Why? Faramir blinked in confusion and realized that Haldir had just dismissed his question. “I am thirsty,” he whispered. “I… I am sorry I did not tell you who I was, I did not truly think it mattered. I am a soldier first and a son second. I am not the heir so… title means little to me.” He tried to push himself up in the bed a little using his uninjured arm but cried out, the jostling just too much for him.

Haldir was on his feet and pressing his hand against Faramir’s good shoulder before his cry had finished echoing through the room. “Gods, you are stubborn!” Even as he complained, he slipped his arm beneath the young man’s back and carefully lifted him up. With his free hand, he brought a cup of water to Faramir’s lips and tilted it slightly as he continued to fuss. “I do not understand either, but it is not my place to question orders. And, might I add, you are making my job much more difficult by trying to move. You almost died only a few days ago, and here you are, squirming around on the bed as if nothing is the matter. I am to keep you safe… and that means keeping you safe from yourself too, obviously.”

Faramir’s mouth gaped open as Haldir scolded him like a small child. He accepted the aid and the water without complaint, listening to Haldir continue. He drained the cup and looked up at the Elf he still found more than merely beautiful. “Thank you… though there’s no need to scold me. I did not almost die; I could have died, yes. I was wounded, badly I know, but I am fine… I was in pain when you took me to the healers… but that’s all, even the bleeding had stopped long before you took me to them,” Faramir said not quite understanding and not knowing how badly things had turned just in the short time Haldir had left him.

Obviously, Faramir had no clue how close he had truly come to the very death Haldir had been longing for. “First of all,” he began as he laid his patient back on the bed and slipped his arm from beneath him, “the moment I left, you started bleeding again and you broke out in a fever. You had, at one point, almost half the healers present working on you, trying to replenish all the blood you lost, and it seemed that every time I left the room, you would thrash and tear your bindings away. I have spent the last day trying to keep you still and calm, keep what water I could in you, and putting ointment and new bandages on your wound. You did not like the healers’ touch apparently – none of them – , and you seemed determined, even in your sleep, to keep me from fighting.” He looked quite pleased with himself as he ranted. “So yes, I think I have every right to scold you for as long as I wish, actually, and you should just lie there and listen.”

Faramir started to open his mouth to argue and stopped just at the last moment. “Seeing how I cannot sit up without your help I do not have much choice in the matter…” Faramir muttered under his breath. He looked up at Haldir, who looked none too pleased with him. “I did not ask you to stay, who ordered you to? Why?” Faramir asked still confused as to why Haldir hadn’t done exactly what he wanted. Though he was glad that he had stayed, he was confused as to the reasoning.

“Lord Celeborn ordered me to stay… he is the only being on Arda who could have done so.” Haldir sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. “As for why, I can only think that your status as the steward’s son gained you some measure of protection, though I cannot be sure. Even Lord Celeborn did not seem certain as to why it was so important you were safe.” He was still angry, but couldn’t resist one little jab at Faramir… which was exactly why he did not have any friends or lovers. Arrogance tended to run friendly people – and Elves – off quite quickly. “Unless, of course, you somehow managed to bribe someone to keep me from harm’s way because you simply could not bear the thought of never kissing me again. I could hardly blame you for that.”

Faramir’s lips twitched despite himself, almost giving in to a grin. Arrogance, usually something that irritated him in people, suited Haldir for some reason. “I cannot understand how or why I would be important enough to need a guardian… steward’s son or not, and it is not as if I need a guardian,” he answered somewhat indignant himself. He was after all a capable fighter though at the moment he had to admit he could not possibly protect himself. The memory of the two kisses they shared came to mind unbidden and Faramir unconsciously licked his lips and quickly looked away from the Elf. “Is the king going to lead his people back to Medulseld or will they remain here in Helms Deep in case Saruman sends a second wave?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“I would not know,” Haldir sighed, giving in a little as he saw Faramir’s lips twitch. “I have been too busy watching over you. No one has felt the need to tell me much other than to ask about you and make sure I am changing your bandages. I seem to have gone from warrior to nursemaid in a matter of hours. I must say, I am glad the Elves under my command cannot see me now…”

Faramir glanced back at the Elf; feeling badly for what was obviously not a comfortable situation for Haldir. “I am sorry I have been so much trouble, I suppose you could have saved yourself all this trouble and left me to die on the wall,” Faramir mused darkly.

“Or… and here is an idea… you could have just let that orc kill me like he was supposed to,” Haldir retorted just as darkly. He glared at Faramir for a moment, then, as if his words and his body were at complete odds with one another, tucked the covers up more closely around him. “Did you consider saving another Elf, or was I just the only ‘lucky’ one?”

Faramir sighed and winced from the deep breath. “You were not supposed to die that night, I told you that. And no… you are the only lucky one, the one that I knew… in my heart that was supposed to live. I know you wish differently Haldir and I am sorry that you hate me so much for ruining your plans… but I had to do it. Something… something else is at work here, there’s a reason you were supposed to live. It may have nothing to do with me at all… perhaps protecting me… staying with me is only to keep you safe from harm for some reason,” Faramir tried to explain though he didn’t entirely believe his own words. None of it made sense really. And why couldn’t he concentrate well when the Elf was so close? All he could think of each time Haldir came close to him was how his lips had felt against his own, how he’d tasted. His eyes caught with Haldir’s and he stared into them for a moment. “For one so bitter about life… you have the sweetest kisses I have ever known.” The words were said aloud though Faramir was certain he’d meant to keep them to himself.

Haldir was about to argue, but stopped at Faramir’s last words. He leaned forward, resting both arms on the side of the bed and sighed. “While I do not have to like what you did, or why you did it, I do have to admit that I enjoyed our kisses… well, our one, single kiss. The second one was only to quiet you. The first, however, I have to admit, was especially sweet. We are not going to agree that your almost killing yourself to save the life of an Elf who did not want saving was the right thing to do, but we can agree to the mutual sweetness of that kiss, I think.” Despite himself, he found that he was smiling. “We can argue and kiss you know. There is no law that says we cannot do both.”

Faramir found himself grinning as Haldir leaned closer, agreeing with him, and he felt his breath catch at his last words. “No… there is no law against it, and it is much more difficult to argue or scold,” he said grinning, “when our lips are otherwise… occupied.” Faramir wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing. Why he had asked Haldir to kiss him the first time, why he’d enjoyed the second kiss so much and why he wanted the Elf to kiss him again. Well, perhaps he knew the why of it, he found the Elf beautiful and he wanted him but… he’d never felt like this before with anyone else.

If nothing else, Haldir had to admit there was a physical attraction between them. He didn’t have to like it, but he couldn’t deny it either. He would never have thought that he of all Elves, would be attracted to a Man, but the feeling seemed mutual, and he saw no reason why they couldn’t enjoy the more attractive benefits of this forced arrangement. “You thought you were dying the first time you asked me to kiss you,” he said softly, forgetting his anger for the moment as his fingers tugged gently on a lock of dark copper hair so unlike his own. “Now that you know you are not, I suppose I could grant you that same wish again, if you are lucky…” He was teasing now, shocking even himself, for he was, above all else, not an Elf who teased.

“Only if I am lucky then… that is disappointing because I seem to have exceedingly bad luck of late,” Faramir teased in return. “I guess my kiss in return was lacking since you do not seem interested in kissing me without my asking.” He swallowed hard as he saw the Elf’s eyes darken, unsure if he had angered him with his teasing or if what he saw was desire. Unconsciously, he licked his lips and looked at the Elf, not letting his gaze falter. The lingering pain of his injury seemed blocked out for now and all that he heard was the beat of his own heart loudly in his ears.

Haldir’s fingers released Faramir’s hair and slipped gently behind his neck. Careful not to move the injured side of his body, the Elf’s hand cooled the heated skin beneath his fingers and he smiled. “Oh, I am interested,” he murmured. “If I am to be stuck with you until we reach Gondor, then I see no reason why we cannot mutually… benefit from the arrangement.” He moved a bit closer, smelling the ointment he had so liberally applied to Faramir’s chest less than an hour earlier, along with a deeper, richer smell that seemed to stir his very blood. His tongue snaked out and licked at the Ranger’s lips as he moved closer still. “You foolish, stubborn Man. Everything with you is going to be a battle, I think…” His last words were lost in Faramir’s mouth as he managed to press their lips together, and at the same time keep Faramir from moving and hurting himself again. He was pressed gently against him, holding him carefully, yet in such a manner that he hoped Faramir wouldn’t even realize the he couldn’t easily move. To further distract him, and for his own pleasure, Haldir had to admit, the Elf’s tongue slowly explored every inch of Faramir’s mouth, then backed away, coaxing his ‘patient’ to explore as well.

Faramir’s heart was pounding in his chest as Haldir’s fingers slid under his hair and pressed against the back of his neck. Heat flooded through him, his body reacting to the Elf even before a slick tongue bushed against his lips forcing a gasp from him. He would have protested, said that he was not the stubborn one that Haldir was, but he couldn’t think. He welcomed Haldir’s kiss, sucking on his tongue, dueling with his own even as he was held still. If he were not wounded a thought crossed his mind that he would simply pull Haldir down into the bed with him and beg the Elf to claim him. The thought fueled his need and when Haldir drew away, inviting Faramir to return the kiss the young man did so, kissing the Elf hard, his tongue exploring the sweetness he knew he would never forget. Faramir didn’t understand why he felt this much attraction for Haldir, but it was undeniable that it was a feeling which was returned.

The Elf pulled away and nibbled lightly on Faramir’s lower lip, not even noticing, yet, how much stronger he seemed when they were close. “The few Elves I have granted kisses to found me too demanding,” he confessed, letting his lips trail down over Faramir’s jaw, then up to his ear, avoiding his neck so as not to cause him pain despite the fact that he was drugged with countless painkillers. “Yet I find that taking what I want is the surest way to pleasure.” His breath was hot on Faramir’s skin, and his own skin felt heated as well. “I see you seem to share that same philosophy.”

Faramir was breathless when Haldir drew away and he smiled as the Elf spoke. “Taking what you want from someone willing and wanting to give every thing tends to generally work out,” Faramir murmured. It was true as well. Faramir was willing to give Haldir anything he asked for or even submit to the Elf if he were to take what he wanted. Faramir might have been appalled at himself when he realized that, might find it demeaning but he didn’t. He wanted Haldir… in every possible way one could want a lover. “You said you have no lover… that you’ve usually paid for sex… but when I am well enough Gods, hopefully soon would you be opposed to someone who simply wants you no matter what?”

The surprise was evident in Haldir’s eyes at Faramir’s words, though he quickly tried to hide it. The cool demeanor that he worked so hard to maintain slipped back into place but he didn’t pull away. He knew he wasn’t all that likeable, and was surprised that Faramir didn’t see that as well already. “When you are well enough, you may no longer want me,” he said softly, though the very thought of being with Faramir in such a manner made his sex stir behind the lacings of his breeches. “But if you do, then no, I would not be opposed to that at all. Despite your rather glaringly mistaken ideas about my not being supposed to die here, I am attracted to you for some strange reason. You are stubborn, hardheaded, and quite argumentative, normally the type I avoid, but this time, I think I might just make an exception. Aye… you are indeed the luckiest Man in the city, I think…”

Faramir almost laughed as Haldir spoke; instead he smiled and pressed his lips forward to meet the Elf’s again briefly. “You are everything I normally would not like, let alone wish to share my body with. You are arrogant and bossy and quite argumentative yourself… but it works on you or rather… works on me, because I do want you, Haldir,” he whispered. Gods, he hoped then that he hadn’t made a mistake, had he somehow saved his life because he wanted him and not because he was supposed to as he originally thought? Now was not the time for doubt, so he simply used his good arm to tug Haldir closer, opening his lips to him and giving himself over to another deep kiss. Faramir was actually on the verge of trying to work out how he could manage to not get hurt should they actually relieve this tension between them but a knock at the door caused him to startle and moan in pain. “Whoever that is, has horrible timing,” he complained feeling his eyes water from the pain.

Haldir sighed into the kiss, and silently cursed whoever was on the other side of the door as he pulled away. He too had been trying to work out the logistics of doing a bit more than kissing, and then reminded himself that Faramir was still a very sick young man, as evidenced by the soft moan that rang throughout the room. He straightened his tunic and Faramir’s blankets and leaned back in the chair as if nothing had happened. “Enter,” he said, his normal disdainful tone of voice firmly back in place and his eyes settling on the door, rather than on Faramir’s rather red and swollen lips.

The healer entered to check on Faramir and immediately noted two things, the young man was awake, and two… he seemed flushed. “You are not running a fever again are you?” he asked bustling into the room with a basket of bandages and medicines.

“No… I… just moved wrong and it pained me is all,” Faramir lied and looked at Haldir to see if he wished to offer any other explanation. The Elf merely grinned at him behind the old healer’s back so Faramir sighed and simply watched the old man. “You can just leave everything, I’m not really feeling up to being poked at.”

The healer raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Very well… I’ll have someone bring more food, neither of you have touched the trays.”

“Something with a bit of taste this time might be nice,” Haldir added dryly, sifting through the bandages that the healer had brought in. “And maybe you could have some of the softer bandages brought in? These are too coarse… they seemed to hurt him last time I changed them. The wide, white ones are best, and now that he is awake, I think he might need some stronger herbs in the tea for the pain.” He didn’t even realize how thoroughly he had taken over Faramir’s care even now, as he gave the healer his ‘orders.’ But Faramir had pulled away from even the old healer’s touch, and the white bandages really didn’t seem to irritate the skin as much. “Oh, and if you could send a cot in here? This chair is getting quite uncomfortable…”

The old man’s lips twitched, almost ready to ask if the haughty Elf wanted anything else but noticed that the young lord was smiling and seemed amused by the Elf’s behavior. “I’ll make arrangements for everything to be sent in… I am unsure about a spare cot, most are being used for our injured, but I’ll see what I can do,” the old man answered.

“I think he only knows one tone of voice and that is for giving orders,” Faramir said softly and drawing a chuckle from the old healer.

“Fair enough… you do seem much better than the last few days… I’ll be back tomorrow then to check on you,” with that the healer left trying to remember everything the Elf had asked for.

As the door closed Faramir laughed, he regretted it but couldn’t help himself. “Look at you… you have no idea why I’m laughing.”

“I can only assume that the herbs have something to do with it,” Haldir sniffed, at a loss as to what was so amusing. “Either that, or the axe was poisoned after all and has somehow affected your brain.”

Trying not to laugh any harder, Faramir looked up at the ceiling rather than at Haldir. “That old healer walked in here and the moment he did, you started barking orders at him… did it ever occur to you that he is not one of your wardens?” Faramir asked curiously. “Or do you generally speak to everyone that way?” Faramir suspected he already knew the answer.

Haldir leveled his gaze at Faramir and looked completely bewildered. “I told you, you might not like me when this is over,” he shrugged. “And I think you know the answer to your question. I have been sitting here with you for days on end; I have changed your bandages and given you your medicine, so of course I know what is best for you. It only makes sense that he do as I tell him, since it is in your best interest, and his, so that he has one less patient to worry about.” It seemed perfectly simple to Haldir, yet Faramir still seemed to be amused. “See why I do not have any friends or lovers?” he finally groused, crossing his arms over his chest again and turning his gaze toward the window, ignoring Faramir completely.

Faramir glanced over at the Elf and sighed. “I am not… displeased with you, Haldir, I found it amusing is all… that you just sort of… took over where my care was concerned even though… you were not pleased with being charged with the task. I have a notion that you never do anything in half measures and you expect… perfection… those things should not mutually exclude friends or lovers though,” Faramir said softly before looking away again. At least not understanding ones.

Blue eyes turned back to Faramir, still suspicious, but a bit softer now. “No, I do not believe in half measures,” the Elf admitted. “I have been ordered to watch over you, keep you safe, and take you home to Gondor, and that is what I shall do. If we become friends or lovers along the way, I cannot say that I will regret that… though afterward, when you are safe in your chambers, I will again seek my death in battle… and there will be no half measures there either. I will not sail to Aman and be pitied for my uselessness.”

Faramir opened his mouth to argue that Haldir was obviously more than what he seemed to tell himself he was but decided that now was not the best time for another argument. He hated the idea of Haldir still wishing to die rather than sail or stay in Arda. “Then I shall hope it is a long recovery process and journey home,” Faramir muttered and closed his eyes. “Because I very much like the idea of becoming lovers along the way.”

Haldir narrowed his eyes and studied Faramir in silence for long moments, not understanding him in the least. “The journey will end the same way, with my death, but I certainly do not object to a few… shared pleasures along the way,” he agreed. “And I think we can find great pleasure in each other as long… especially, if you learn to keep that smart, but very delicious mouth of yours closed except when we are kissing.” In truth, he enjoyed Faramir’s teasing and humor, though he was sometimes at a loss to understand him. Very few beings of any form had ever made him laugh, but he seemed to have to struggle not to do just that around this maddening Ranger. “Now hush and sleep, Faramir. You need to gather your strength. I will have to change your bandages again very soon.”

“Ah well, at least perhaps I can give you some good memories before you leave this world for Mandos then,” Faramir quipped dryly, though not amused in the least. He sighed and tried to relax against the bed. “I am tired even if I have been sleeping for days now…” he said softly as he used his good hand to pull the covers up just a bit more. He was asleep soon after that and even in his dreams he hoped that Haldir would not be seeking out a battle anytime in the near future.

The golden Elf sat in silence, simply watching Faramir sleep, remembering how he had saved him, still not understanding why he would do such a thing. As he watched over the courageous young Ranger, he wondered again what Celeborn had planned for him, and where he fit into the scheme of this war that truly had little to do with Elves, in his opinion, in the first place. He didn’t understand Men, nor did he like them for the most part, with, possibly one exception… the one sleeping before him. “You confuse me,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair and deciding to get some rest until someone brought more food and supplies. And I do not like being confused.

Chapter 6

Several more days passed by, Faramir slept for the majority of them, his body still healing, though even the healers were surprised at how quickly the young man was growing stronger.

A wound like he had should have killed a man, should have severed vital vessels in his body and killed him straight away from blood loss alone. The pain should have been worse than it had been, and the bones should take longer to knit back together if at all.

But everything that should have happened, did not. Instead the young man healed quickly… he was still not well enough to get out of bed or even travel but he was well enough to sit up now and well enough that he didn’t sleep constantly. The healer had estimated that Faramir should by rights be dead or still unconscious.

When Aragorn found out about Faramir’s condition and who the young man was, he went directly to Gandalf. Why was Faramir there? Had he come in search of his brother? Gods, who would tell him about his brother? He knew they were close from what Boromir had said on their travels. Gandalf agreed to be the bearer of bad news since he’d known Faramir since childhood and had once been his tutor. It wasn’t a task the old wizard wanted. He did want to see him though… especially after the way that Aragorn had described the healer’s assessment of the young man. Something unusual was happening with Faramir… and Gandalf suspected he knew what it was after having used farspeak to communicate with Lord Celeborn.

Such an odd… pairing it was, Haldir and Faramir, two exceedingly different personalities being tied together this way. But his discussion today would not be about them or about Faramir’s healing. It would not be easy. He knocked on the door to the small chamber and waited.

Haldir had spent his time taking care of Faramir (though a bit grudgingly at times), kissing him senseless, and staring out the small window of the chamber they shared, wondering where the next battle lay, who was fighting, and whether or not he would make it there in time. The kissing was by far the most pleasant, but Faramir was not able to do much more and there was, anyway, always a certain point where the intimacy almost overwhelmed Haldir, and he pulled away. He certainly enjoyed kissing the young man, but he wasn’t exactly the kind of Elf who ‘kissed.’ He was more used to a few kisses here and there and then quick, efficient sex, after which, he and his lover would both go their separate ways.

As Gandalf knocked on the door, Haldir had just leaned away from such a kiss, and almost leapt across the room to let their guest enter, using the interruption as the perfect excuse to pull away without seeing that hurt look in Faramir’s eyes that he always saw whenever he both mentally and physically distanced himself after one of their kissing sessions. He practically leapt on the old wizard, ushering him into the room, though he still didn’t say much. In other words, he was his typical, annoying, Haldirish self. “They still will not give him leave to travel,” he groused in Gandalf’s general direction, though he knew full well that it would be some time before Faramir could leave the room, let alone leave the fortress. “The entire war will be over by the time we leave here at this rate.”

Faramir was still reeling from the kiss they’d shared, his face was flushed and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Haldir often pulled away from him as their kisses seemed to overwhelm them both, sometimes it seemed that the Elf withdrew from him completely and it often left him feeling cold and even a bit hurt. This time though it had been almost panic and Faramir found it amusing that Haldir would be afraid of being caught kissing him. Faramir hadn’t been afraid of something like that since he was a teen.

When he saw Gandalf enter, his knowing eyes taking in the situation, Faramir felt his face flush even more and looked down at the bed covers as Haldir spoke to the wizard.

“You have a task that was assigned to you, Haldir. But I would not worry, it looks as if the war is simply moving from Rohan to Gondor,” Gandalf said frowning deeply.

“Gondor… so that is where you and the others will be going? Will Rohan aid my father?” Faramir asked, his face paling now as concern overrode his body’s reaction to Haldir’s kiss.

“Yes, that is where we will go, King Théoden and others are mustering more riders as we speak… but I have something I wish to speak to you about, Faramir,” Gandalf said moving closer to the bed and sitting down. He reached out and took Faramir’s hand.

Haldir brightened somewhat at the idea that he was going to eventually be going to where the war was, but grew a bit more guarded than normal at Gandalf’s tone of voice and the way he was looking at Faramir almost as if he dreaded telling him something. “I should leave you alone, then,” he murmured, reaching for his sword out of habit, though he certainly had no use for it in the hallway. He had the feeling this was going to get… emotional, and Haldir simply didn’t do well in emotional situations.

Faramir looked at his former tutor and friend and then at Haldir who seemed ready to leave. “You… you do not have to go if you do not want to, Haldir,” Faramir offered, unsure what was coming.

Gandalf sighed and looked from one to the other, his eyes could see there was a bond growing between them but it was weak. If Haldir left the room he would likely soon return, not knowing why he needed to. “It is all right, Faramir… what I have to tell you is… difficult to say,” Gandalf said softly.

Faramir swallowed hard, immediately thinking of his family and almost afraid to ask the wizard to go on.

Judging from the look in Gandalf’s eyes, Haldir knew something bad was about to happen. And he had no desire to see that or watch Faramir deal with it. Vaguely hoping that Gandalf would just ‘fix’ whatever problem or tragedy he was about to reveal, Haldir nodded at the occupants of the room and almost bolted out the door. “I would like some fresh air anyway,” he managed, realizing only when he was outside that he had been standing just in front of an open window. “And… I need to stretch my legs. That room is getting… small…” With that, he closed the door behind him, relieved that he had managed to escape whatever was coming. Despite that feeling, he felt something else too… a sense that he shouldn’t have left, that, as Faramir was his responsibility, he should be there for whatever was to come, whether he liked it or not. That was ridiculous of course – Celeborn had only ordered him to keep Faramir safe and bring him home – not hold his hand, because the Valar knew Haldir wasn’t the hand-holding type anyway.

Gandalf sighed as Haldir all but fled the room, knowing that the Elf was not one to be comfortable in situations like this or what it was about to be. “Faramir… I hate to be the one to tell you this… it… it is Boromir,” he began but before he could finish he could tell that the young man who often saw visions was easily able to see exactly what Gandalf’s words did not yet say.

“No… no,” Faramir almost chanted the words as the images flooded his mind, he saw it, saw his brother fall, saw the arrows pierce his body, saw him fight so hard but overwhelmed. He understood now why the man Aragorn had avoided him. He’d been too late to save Boromir. Tears were streaming from his eyes unchecked as his gaze focused back on Gandalf. “I… I think I knew,” Faramir said sadly remembering the sudden pain and sadness he’d felt weeks before, he was never sure what it was exactly. Never able to grasp it but now that he knew for certain the pain wasn’t any less. It felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest as he sobbed, his shoulder aching even more with each tear it seemed.

“I am so sorry, Faramir… so sorry,” Gandalf said quietly, unsure what if any comfort he could offer the young man.

Haldir had been determined to walk out on the balcony. Or explore the hallways to the west of the healer’s quarters, where he thought would be a perfect spot for an ambush should he ever need one. He’d even considered going to the kitchens to get them something to snack on before their dinner.

But he couldn’t seem to leave the hallway in front of the room he shared with Faramir. Rather than finding fresh air or hideaways or food, he was pacing in front of the door he’d just barreled out of, and he had no idea why.

He was actually trying to think of an excuse to return – saying he forgot something – his hair clips maybe – that he desperately needed NOW, when he heard a noise from inside the room. He knew Gandalf well, knew he would never hurt Faramir, but somehow found himself almost tearing the door down to get back in before the sound of Faramir’s sob had even died away. “What did you do to him?” he bellowed, glaring from the wizard to Faramir and back again. “He was fine when I left him!”

Faramir was so caught up in his pain that he didn’t startle when Haldir practically took the door off its hinges, though he did look up, his tear blurred vision locking with the Elf’s. The pain in his shoulder seemed to flare a bit less bright now, though the pain in his heart remained.

Gandalf was reaching for a handkerchief when Haldir had barreled into the room and looked up at the Elf and for the briefest of moments, fearing his anger. “I told him some bad news,” Gandalf said sadly. “His brother was killed… he’d been with the fellowship… you met him I think,” the wizard murmured as he handed a soft cloth to Faramir.

As their eyes met Haldir felt the oddest urge to just wrap his arms around Faramir and rock him. That was ridiculous, of course. He was a grown man… and he didn’t need to be rocked or held or anything else. In fact, maybe he was like Haldir himself, wanting to be alone with his grief. Gandalf, however, was another matter. Quickly looking away from Faramir, the Elf glared at the old wizard. Had he had more sense than stubbornness, he would have feared the Istar, at least a little, but he had always let his good sense get buried beneath everything else. “You claim to be his friend?” he snapped, narrowing his eyes, but having at least the presence of mind not to try and manhandle Gandalf. “You come in here with that kind of news to tell a man who was almost dead a few weeks ago? He cannot even get out of bed, yet you think it is good for him to sit there and cry? Are you daft?” He spared a worried glance down at Faramir and eased away from him a bit, totally at a loss as to how to deal with such heartbreak. “Fix it, Gandalf. Make him stop crying! Can you not see it is hurting him?”

Gandalf’s eyes flashed angrily when Haldir snapped at him, but a part of him was glad to see the Elf so protective of Faramir. He looked truly chagrined for a moment and then the Elf ordered him to ‘fix it’ and he found himself hard pressed not to smile then. Haldir, no matter how much he would deny it… felt something for Faramir, that much was clear to him at least.

“Stop it… just,” Faramir sniffled feeling like a child but unable to stop the tears, he loved Boromir so much and knowing for certain that he was gone… forever… was the hardest thing he’d ever dealt with since his mother died. “Its all right… I just… I,” Faramir paused for a moment and took a deep breath, “I just need… I need to cry, Haldir. He…” his voice broke before he could say anything else.

Gandalf stood beside the bed, still holding Faramir’s hand. “I am leaving today, Haldir… I thought he needed to know now… when he is in a place where he can deal with the pain and not on the road.”

Completely out of his element, Haldir tentatively patted Faramir on the head a few times as one would pat an injured puppy and met Gandalf’s sad, but oddly bemused gaze. “You cannot leave when he is CRYING,” he pleaded, his anger at the wizard gone as he realized Gandalf meant to leave him alone with Faramir then. “I mean… look at him!” Ignoring Faramir’s words, the Elf crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “I cannot let you leave until you fix it, Gandalf, even if you… if you… do whatever it is you do with that staff to try and make me move.” He suddenly thought better of that little statement and had a minor anxiety attack as he looked back at the Ranger on the bed who was still sobbing quietly. “Or… at least let me go with you to the stables or… or wherever you are going… ?”

Chapter 7

Gandalf blinked several times as Haldir spoke, his heart breaking for Faramir, yet finding himself amused by the Elf fighting against what he felt for the young man. It was obvious that Faramir’s pain bothered Haldir, but not because he was annoyed by it, because he didn’t know how to make it better. For a moment Gandalf had a sense that if Haldir could walk into the fires of Mount Doom itself to retrieve Boromir for the young man, he would most likely do it. And not just to make him stop crying.

Faramir didn’t flinch away when Haldir all put petted him like a favored dog; he craved the touch too much for that. Forcing himself to try to stop crying though seemed a fruitless effort, the pain was just still too real and too close for that.

“I cannot make him not mourn his brother’s death, Haldir. He loved him dearly… if you feel the need to walk with me… that is fine. I will ask someone else to sit with Faramir for a time,” Gandalf said softly.

“No… I do not want anyone else…” Faramir spoke up, looking at both the Elf and the wizard. “I… can I have a glass of water?”

Haldir flew across the room and stood in the doorway demanding water from anyone who happened to be passing by so quickly, even his fellow Elves would have been a bit shocked. This he could do. But otherwise… Gods, what he had gotten himself into? And how? The thoughts of staying made him weak in the knees… he simply didn’t know how to handle the situation but… the thought of someone else staying made him angry. And besides that, Faramir didn’t want anyone else. So exactly where did that leave him? His demands had resulted in him still standing in the doorway only a moment later holding – barely- 5 cups of water. Realizing he could wait no longer, he crossed back over to Faramir, offered him all five cups, and glared once again at Gandalf. “Might I have a word with you in the hallway?”

Haldir’s reaction to Faramir’s rather meek request for water was so unexpected and so amusing that Gandalf had a very difficult time not bursting with laughter. He looked at Faramir for a moment who also seemed perplexed by the Elf’s behavior but still so sad about his brother’s death that it did not seem to phase him… or… Faramir was growing used to Haldir’s unusual behavior. Because in the few visits he’d made to the room Haldir had been behaving unusually.

Gandalf squeezed Faramir’s hand and then released it so he could take one of the many cups Haldir sat on the night table and nodded in answer to the Elf’s request. “Again… I am sorry, Faramir,” Gandalf said as he made his way for the door.

Faramir merely took a drink of the water and nodded slightly. He didn’t know what to think or feel at the moment, his heart just ached.

Standing in the hallway, pacing much as he had been only moments before, Haldir shook his head at Gandalf as soon as he closed the door behind him. “What have you done? I cannot stay with him like that. I will have to… to leave. Or find some other Elf or Man to… no. I … by the gods, Gandalf, did you have to tell him about his brother? Could you not have let him find out when he gets home or… something?”

Gandalf shook his head as Haldir paced before him. “He will not be like this forever you know… he is just grieving… he was very close to Boromir and he needed to know what happened to him. I will be delivering the news to his father… do you think that will be any easier? Your eldest is dead; your youngest almost died… not exactly news a father wishes to hear. Your duty is to stay with him… yes I know all about it, and you’ll figure out a way to comfort him… just your presence comforts him or did you not realize that?”

Haldir almost rolled his eyes at Gandalf’s words. “My presence comforts no one,” he snapped. “And as far as telling Faramir’s father? At least you can do it and leave… while I am stuck here wondering how to make him stop doing… that.” Even as he spoke, he heard a soft sob come from inside the room and fought the urge to simply run back to Faramir and do… —something—. “Gandalf, please. I was ordered to keep him safe, not to offer him… comfort or whatever it is he needs. I will only make things worse!”

Gandalf sighed and looked at the distraught Elf. “You do comfort him… why do you think he only wants you? And seeing how you were kissing him right before I came into the room, one would think you would have no problem in offering him at least something to take his mind off his pain,” the old wizard was unable to keep from laughing just a little when Haldir gave him first a shocked then a very annoyed look.

Raising his chin indignantly, Haldir put on his most arrogant smirk and looked down his nose at Gandalf. “For your information, he was kissing me.” The thought was intriguing though, and he quickly forgot his haughtiness in favor of this plan. His entire demeanor relaxed just a bit as he looked uncertainly back toward the door. “If I kiss him, then… or let him kiss me – then he will stop crying?”

Gandalf raised an eyebrow as Haldir ‘informed’ him, thinking that it would be very difficult for a man in Faramir’s shape to force Haldir to kiss him. “It may… and it may bring him comfort… just putting your arm around him or taking his hand in yours as I did with him can offer comfort, Haldir… I know you are not particularly a… compassionate soul but I can see that Faramir… touches something in you that you wish was not there. Do not be afraid of that feeling… I can assure you it is something worth exploring,” Gandalf said somewhat cryptically. “Now, I must go, I have a long ride ahead of me and it seems I’ll be taking a hobbit along with me… take care of yourself and of him.”

Put your arm around him. Hold his hand. Remember that. Haldir made mental notes as Gandalf spoke, then shook his head. “I am not afraid of anything,” he growled, brushing past the wizard as he made his way back to the door. “And good riddance. I will be stuck here cleaning up the mess you made, Gandalf. Do not think I will forgot this anytime soon…” With that, he was walking back inside the room, looking cautiously toward the bed, praying to the Valar that somehow Faramir had simply stopped crying while he had been in the hallway.

Gandalf had to put his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh as Haldir went back into the room, growling and grumbling the entire time.

Faramir had no idea what was discussed outside the room and found it strange how he suddenly felt warmer again when Haldir returned. He was still quietly crying but not sobbing nearly as bad as he had before. His head hurt from it though and he felt tired and sad. “Thank you for… the water,” Faramir murmured trying to come up with anything to break the silence that seemed to suck the air out of the room as Haldir looked at him. He felt… as if Haldir thought crying was childish and he wiped at his eyes.

Haldir stood by the bed, hands clasped before him, regarding Faramir as most men would regard an Ent when they first saw one. “You are welcome.” He stood a moment longer, took a deep breath, and sat on the bed beside his charge, careful not to jar him. He remembered everything Gandalf had said, and though he really didn’t understand how his suggestions would help, he was desperate to make Faramir stop crying. One hand reached down, the fingers wrapping rather awkwardly around Faramir’s (rather as if he were holding a dead fish) as the other slipped around his shoulders. Before the young man could respond, Haldir was kissing him, ignoring his tears and runny nose, kissing him just like he had on so many occasions before. When he pulled back, he was quite pleased with himself, and rather startled to see the look on Faramir’s face. He was quite surprised to see that the Ranger wasn’t smiling and happy now. “You… are still upset? But… why??? Gandalf said that would comfort you!”

Faramir watched Haldir for a moment, not quite understanding what he was doing. In the days since he’d awoken, Haldir had never really sat on the bed unless it was to kiss him or to change his bandages. He was silently surprised when Haldir took his hand, though it seemed the Elf was holding something disgusting rather than a potential lover’s hand. When a stiff arm wrapped around his shoulders he looked up at Haldir and then found himself captured in a deep kiss that stole his breath away. It was somewhat awkward though… almost felt a little forced though still pleasurable. When they drew apart again he stared with wide still tear-dampened eyes at the Elf. “I…” Faramir blinked when Haldir said Gandalf said it would comfort him. His tears were still running down his face but he found himself laughing just a little. “He told you… well… it does comfort me, Haldir,” he smiled then. Faramir squeezed Haldir’s hand in his own just a little, genuinely touched that Haldir was so concerned with offering him comfort.

Haldir, a bit surprised when he felt long fingers squeezing his own, relaxed a bit. So he had done it right, and Faramir was smiling a bit… maybe the crying was over? Thanking the gods, he nodded eagerly and smiled himself. “Good. Shall I do it again, or are you better now?”

Faramir smiled a little, even though Haldir still seemed a bit stiff. “Aye, but you do not have to unless you want to,” he said softly and then leaned against Haldir, resting his head against a strong shoulder. “This is just fine… you holding me, if you do not mind,” he whispered as he relaxed against the Elf. He was still hurting, both his heart and his injury but it seemed less so when Haldir was close. He smiled a little at that thought and sniffled. “It hurts less when you are near… I cannot explain why, it is just… how it is.”

“Men find Elves soothing,” Haldir added wisely, though he felt a strange warmth inside him that he was somehow helping. Having Faramir this close made the muscles in his back and arms relax a bit, and he leaned back onto the pillow, relieved that at least those same heartbreaking sobs weren’t filling the room as they had before. He wasn’t sure about this ‘holding’ thing, but it seemed Faramir had already settled against him quite comfortably, and he didn’t want to disturb him. “Am I doing this correctly? The… holding part?”

Faramir offered a small smile. “This Man finds this Elf soothing at least,” he murmured softly and was touched when Haldir began to idly toy with his hair. He was actually surprised by Haldir’s question. “Aye, you are doing it correctly… have you never held someone before? Your brothers or a comrade or lover?” Faramir asked, his curiosity for the moment overriding his sadness.

Haldir smiled, and then shook his head. “Why would I hold someone?” he asked, thinking that while the idea itself wasn’t all that appealing, just sitting here with Faramir leaning against him wasn’t a bad feeling in the least. “My brothers hold each other, I have never touched a comrade in such a manner, (he shivered in distaste at the very idea) and a lover… of course I have not held a lover. They do what they are paid for, then leave. I have never wished, nor desired, to hold anyone before.” His brow furrowed, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he spent entirely too much time alone on patrol. “Do you think this is why, despite my skills at kissing and in bed, I am still alone? That I should have tried to hold someone before?”

Faramir looked up in shock. At first he’d thought that Haldir was somewhat joking when he said he paid for sex but now…“Haldir, I… I find it difficult to believe you’ve never had a… well… a lover you’ve not paid for, I mean… well I’ve made it clear that I would if I were not hurt I’m sure we would have… well… we would have been using this lumpy bed for more than my sleeping and healing, of that I’m certain,” he said softly and tried not to sigh. “I do not know why you are alone… because… because I like you… quite a lot in fact. The only thing I can think of is perhaps it is because you will not let anyone get close to you… you would not be here now if you had not been ordered to watch over me… and if my crying had not distressed you so, you would not be holding me now.”

Silence filled the room after Faramir spoke, because Haldir had no idea how to respond. It took him a moment to find the words he wanted to say so as not to embarrass himself. “I… Faramir, I have spent most of my life out on patrol. I work alone, and I have never had the time nor the patience to have a… a relationship. I seem to lack the social skills necessary to pursue someone, let alone keep them interested.” He sighed, still playing with Faramir’s hair, which was a step forward in itself, one of the very rare moments he had actually touched another being in a nonsexual way just for the pleasure of it. “And, while you are correct that I am only here because I was ordered to be, that is only because the only other place I had rather be is in battle – and you know the reason for that. If it makes any difference, however, while I never would have come up with the idea of holding you, I do not find it unpleasant.”

Faramir smiled and looked up at Haldir, his tears all but dry now. “I find it more than pleasant,” he whispered softly and brushed his lips gently against Haldir’s. “I also do not think you give yourself enough credit, I… like your company. Or perhaps my standards are just very low,” he paused for a moment but couldn’t help but smile letting Haldir know he was merely teasing.

Haldir returned Faramir’s smile and nibbled on his bottom lip for a moment. “You are an odd man, Faramir,” he said softly. “You foolishly almost lost your life trying to save an Elf who did not want to be saved, you argue with me over every little thing, you cry, and you have these strange ideas about wanting to be held and liking me.” He pulled away, frowned as he stared at the Ranger’s handsome face, and thoughtfully let the tip of his index finger trail over the smooth curve of Faramir’s jawline. “I should hate you. But… I do not.” That was as far as he was willing to go at the moment, but it was, nevertheless a difficult admission for the Elf who had never played with his brothers, never touched them, never even told them he loved them, even when he was an Elfling. He didn’t understand what he was feeling, exactly, only that it made him quite uncomfortable, and he would have moved away had Faramir not been resting against him so comfortably.

Faramir did agree with Haldir, he had been deemed odd often enough in his life, because of his visions and Haldir’s words made him smile rather than be angry or hurt. He tipped his head slightly, leaning into the Elf’s touch and closed his eyes for a moment. “Not hating me is a good place to start I suppose,” Faramir whispered and looked up at Haldir. “And you are right… even other men find me strange so why would an Elf be any different? At least you have more reason than rumors of my visions… though the one vision I should have had… I did not,” he frowned thinking of Boromir’s death. He only saw it after Gandalf began to speak, he had felt strange, had known something was wrong days ago but could not make out what it was. If he was going to have the ability to see then he should at least be able to see clearly! He sighed and looked up at Haldir, seeing how nervous the Elf still was about whatever was happening between them. “Are you worried about actually… having a friend or real lover that you do not pay?”

Haldir couldn’t help but wonder why other men found Faramir strange, but decided that it was really none of his business. Instead, he gave the question some thought and finally nodded. “Aye. I would not – and do not know how to act. But I suppose that as long as we both understand that we can have a physical, but not emotional relationship, I could learn to accept it. Seeing as how I will be going to the Halls of Mandos shortly after I leave you in Gondor, it is best not to make things more complicated than they have to be, don’t you think?”

Looking at Haldir for a long time, Faramir sighed. He hated the idea that Haldir still wished to die but he did not know how to change his mind. “Why do emotions bother you? Like my crying over my brothers death? Have you never loved anyone that when they hurt, you hurt? What of your parents?” Faramir asked curiously. He could accept a physical relationship but he knew himself well enough to know that his own emotions would be involved… they already were to a degree. He liked Haldir a great deal and if he were honest with himself he wanted to keep the Elf not only alive… but with him.

“I have never loved anyone that I can recall,” Haldir said softly, in a tone he had never used before with anyone. “My parents sent me off for training when I was very young, far from the Golden Wood. They wanted me to be a Marchwarden, and to study, to be the best and the smartest in all of Lórien. I was away for over a hundred years, and when I returned… my brothers had been born, come of age, fallen in love with each other, and my parents had been killed. Lord Celeborn did not know what to do with me, so he assigned me a talan, duties and a post… and it has been the only life I have ever known.” He frowned again and let his fingers drop from Faramir’s hair. “So yes, emotions bother me. I do not have them, want them, or need them.”

Hearing Haldir’s voice that way… the Elf actually sounded vulnerable at first before he seemed to steel his voice. Faramir watched him for a moment silently, feeling the warmth inside him fade when Haldir dropped his hand away from him. “Everyone has emotions, you have just been trained… to keep yours on a very tight reign I think. All soldiers are taught to fight with their heart and their mind but not their emotions because they can cause you to make mistakes. Mistakes that can be deadly to yourself or your brothers in arms… but if you had no emotions at all… you would not care that I cried at all or want to even attempt to comfort me. You have kindness in you Haldir, that you probably do not realize is there… but it is there… one just has to get past the somewhat prickly surface to find them. Perhaps if I were not a captive audience and you were not ordered to stay we would not be talking at all,” Faramir smiled when thoughts of a cactus coming to mind. They were covered in thorns on the outside but inside they were quite soft.

Haldir’s face colored a faint shade of pink as Faramir spoke and he was already shaking his head before the assessment of him had ended. “You… you were simply making my head hurt with the ridiculous sobbing,” he lied rather lamely. “And I was afraid you might hurt yourself even worse and we would never get to Gondor.” The words weren’t true at all, but they were what he would normally say, and especially in this situation, Haldir felt safer on familiar ground. He tried to extricate himself from the bed, but found that his bedmate seemed to have no intention of moving. “I think we should take a nap. It has been a long and rather unpleasant day, don’t you think? I should get back to my cot or…”

Faramir wasn’t sure if he believed Haldir’s words completely. He had seemed too bothered than it simply making his head hurt since he hadn’t been sobbing that loudly. He tightened his hand around Haldir’s though not letting him leave the bed. Not really wishing for Haldir to move away from him, Faramir looked up at him. “A nap is probably a good idea… but I would… would like you to stay if you do not mind. I know this is not the largest most comfortable bed, but I said that having you close made the pain lessen and that much is true,” he whispered.

One eyebrow rose slightly as Haldir stopped trying to move away. “You mean… you would like me to sleep here with you?” He didn’t understand why – a perfectly good cot lay close by, and Faramir was right… the bed wasn’t large or comfortable. But, he reasoned, if it physically eased Faramir’s pain, then he supposed he could manage, if only for a few hours. “I… suppose I could do that if it helps… where would you like me to lay? At the end of the bed or … ?”

Faramir smiled and carefully scooted over a bit more. “Right here next to me,” he whispered. “Besides you are warm and make me feel… safe and next to me you are in a convenient place,” Faramir said and saw the questioning look in Haldir’s eyes. “For a kiss or two sometime… they seem to always make me feel better.” His heart was still heavy of course, but sparring verbally or even talking with Haldir had lightened it some and it was true, the Elf’s kisses seemed designed to make Faramir forget his every worry.

Haldir slid down on the bed a bit; carefully tightening his embrace and without knowing it, snuggled closer. “I am not surprised that you are addicted to my kisses,” he teased, biting lightly on Faramir’s bottom lip and pulling it away just enough so he couldn’t talk. “I have practiced on both pillows and Elves, and I have had no complaints yet. I will be more than happy to put them to good use if they help you recover.”

Faramir was amused by Haldir’s words and actions. He snuggled as best he could against the strong body and thought that one day when he was healed he would love to do this without any clothing between them. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Aye, not a single complaint from me… it was good practice but you can continue to practice on me anytime you like,” he whispered as his body relaxed. He was tired from both his injury and from the news he’d been given. He had been so upset and it had worn him out crying as he had, soon it all took its toll and the young man was sleeping heavily against Haldir’s chest.

As soon as Faramir’s breathing deepened, Haldir, who had only been pretending to sleep, opened his eyes and stared down at the man resting against him. “An odd man indeed,” he whispered almost fondly. “I think I might even miss you after I leave you in Gondor.” With that, he sighed, closed his eyes again, and fell into a real sleep this time. It was strange, sleeping next to someone, being so close, but not unpleasant at all. In fact, had he thought about it (which he didn’t), he kind of enjoyed the feeling.

Chapter 8

As the days passed, Faramir grew stronger but he was still not able to use his arm, and the wound was still painful sometimes. His healing had seemed to slow somewhat after learning of Boromir’s death, as if the sadness itself made the healing slow.

Faramir still slept often and sometimes, even without asking, Haldir would sit tentatively on the edge of his bed or even nap beside him, though a little stiffly. He would always claim he was cold, although Faramir never really believed him.

The last day, Haldir had seemed restless and Faramir suspected it was because many of the Elven warriors were ready either for the next battle or to return home. And Haldir… would be stuck with him. Faramir had settled in for a nap some hours ago and at first did not know there was a visitor in their room, the Elves kept their voices quiet near the window. Instead of stirring or even going back to sleep, Faramir lay awake, listening to Haldir… enjoying the sound of his voice, if he were honest with himself. The other Elf was obviously one of Haldir’s captains, and though he was blond like Haldir his hair was more yellow than Haldir’s. In fact, Faramir found himself comparing almost everything about them. Haldir was taller, had broader shoulders, his posture absolutely perfect. He wasn’t relaxed and Faramir realized that Haldir likely didn’t often relax at all. Even with him… even when they were kissing Haldir always seemed on guard. ??He needs to learn to have a bit of fun… I wonder if he’ll at least stay in Gondor longer than to leave me at my father’s doorstep? I would like to show him so many things at home… ??

“Eringil thinks he is ready for battle, but I have ordered him home,” Haldir was saying to the other Elf. The other Elf happened to be his brother, though none would have guessed it had they been seen together. Haldir was just as commanding and harsh with his kin as he was with any of his other captains. “And if he requests another audience with me, tell him no. He is going back to the Golden Wood, and that is an order.” With a sigh, he looked out the window toward Gondor, then back at Orophin. He would have given anything to be the one leading the Elves into battle, but no matter how much he yearned for it, he would never disobey Celeborn. “You are to take your company to Gondor and help however you can. If you can spare them, Rúmil and his company are to proceed on to Ithilien. I suspect they shall be under attack again before too long. If you feel Gondor needs you both, he may stay and we will hope for the best for Ithilien. Do you have any questions captain?”

Orophin nodded as Haldir spoke, though not entirely understanding why they were to continue on, helping these men. Yes, they had been thankful, and yes the men of Rohan had been kind these last days but it still did not make sense to him why they were getting involved in the affairs of men after all this time. He also did not understand why Haldir was here with this man. He knew that his brother had been ordered to stay with him, the man, it was rumored, was someone of importance in Gondor but that meant little to him. “The king has offered us all the supplies we need for the journey… you still will not be coming with us? I… I am afraid I do not entirely understand Lord Celeborn’s reasoning, but as always I will follow orders,” Orophin said softly. “Do you have any other instructions?”

“It is not our place to question Lord Celeborn,” Haldir said a bit sharply, though he himself had questioned it since he’d been given his orders to stay with Faramir. “I am staying here until my charge is able to travel, then we shall make the journey to Gondor, where I will return him to his family. After that, I will resume command, with you as my second. You know the plan in case I do not make it to Gondor, or if I fall in battle – fight until we win or until the war is over, then return to Lothlórien. The Elves that are too sick to fight but are able to travel are leaving tomorrow morning. They will need a dozen or so guards to escort them home. You may or may not get volunteers for that task. I leave who you send to your discretion.” He paused, looked away for a moment and hardened his features. “And tell Rúmil that unless he learns to watch over his shoulder, he will be killed. More than once lately I have had to watch both his back and my own. I cannot afford to lose another captain after all the losses we have already sustained, so I expect him to pay better attention.”

Orophin looked down, feeling chastised when Haldir snapped at him. His tone was fairly mild comparatively though and he nodded. “I can already think of a few who have complained, they would be best sent home rather than putting others at risk,” Orophin answered and frowned deeply over Haldir’s description of Rúmil. “Rúmil is a good fighter, brother, we all make mistakes but I will remind him,” the other Elf did not take kindly to even Haldir insulting his brother as well as lover.

Faramir should probably feel ashamed for eavesdropping, it wasn’t as if he had a choice, he was a captive audience after all but… then he didn’t have to try so HARD to hear what the two were saying. When the other Elf called Haldir “brother” Faramir had to stifle a gasp. Brother? They were brothers? He blinked and looked from one to the other seeing some similarities in their looks but not enough to have made it obvious they were related. So this was one of the brothers Haldir spoke of? Why did they speak so… formally? They were not on duty and no other Elves were present? Then it dawned on him, Haldir’s behavior with everyone else who had visited this room. Even his own brothers were treated exactly like everyone else.

“There is no room for mistakes in battle, and if he does not learn that, I will demote him.” Haldir’s voice was cold and matter of fact. He didn’t want his brother to be killed of course, but had no idea how he would react if he was. Either way, he was fairly certain that neither Rúmil nor Orophin would miss him when he, Haldir, fell. It was better that way, he thought, remembering how upset Faramir had been at the loss of his brother. At least where Haldir and his siblings were concerned, there would be none of that.

Orophin’s mouth formed a thin line as Haldir spoke and he nodded. “Very well,” he answered though it was obvious he was still angry. “Of course I have seen what your mistakes earned you… how can you even stand it cooped in here day after day with… with a man of all things?” Orophin said with obvious distaste.

As the Elf spoke, Faramir felt his face heat with shame and was almost afraid to hear Haldir’s honest answer. The Elf thought him asleep, thought he wouldn’t know what he said so what if he spoke freely and what if those words… were something Faramir did not wish to hear?

Haldir’s face flushed a dark crimson before Orophin had time to even close his mouth. He grabbed his brother by the front of his tunic and easily lifted him from the floor, then pressed the startled Elf against the wall. “First of all, I made no mistake, and this is not a punishment,” he said in voice so low and filled with such anger, Orophin could only gape. Haldir was his brother, his captain, and was much bigger and more powerful than he was – that, combined with the look on his face made Orophin tremble with fear, something he had rarely, if ever, experienced. “Second of all, he is a good man, and almost died for me. I did not ask him to, he did not know me, but he took the blow that was meant to kill me. That shows more courage than I ever thought a man – any man could ever have, and I will not have you disrespect him in such a manner.” He glared at Orophin for a moment longer, and then abruptly released him, letting him fall the few inches to the floor. “I suggest you leave, captain, before I really loose my temper.”

Orophin was completely caught off guard, both by Haldir’s actions and his words. He stared at his brother, unable to speak before he was roughly released. He did not exchange another word with his elder; Orophin simply fled the room, completely dumbfounded by Haldir’s behavior. He’d never been a patient Elf, but to show such anger in protection of a man?

Faramir was wide eyed and practically gaping as he watched the events unfold before him. Haldir was defending him? Threatening his own brother! He doesn’t think I am a punishment. He thinks I am a good man. He wanted to smile but a part of him was truly worried for the other Elf for a moment. Faramir swallowed hard as he watched the other Elf practically flee the room and turned his eyes back to Haldir. He was still shaking with anger; he could see just the slightest tremor of it. Why would it matter what Orophin had said? Especially when Haldir didn’t know Faramir was listening. Or had he known? He used the excuse of the door slamming behind Orophin to say something. “Gods… what was that? Was someone here?” he asked, pretending he’d just awoken.

Haldir unclenched his jaw and turned to look at Faramir. The sight of the slightly tousled hair, wide eyes and innocent look on the man’s face made his anger slowly begin to drain away. The Elf that had just been furious a moment before gave a small smile without even realizing it. “Just one of my captains getting his orders,” he shrugged. “He left a bit quickly for some reason, and…” The words were cut off by a rather timid knock on the door, and Haldir opened it quickly, fully expecting Orophin or some other Elf. Instead, it was one of the healers, delivering the supplies for the day for Faramir’s wound change and bath, along with some of the herbs used for his pain. Haldir took the basket, nodded his thanks and spared a glare at Orophin, who hadn’t fled far, and was standing by the door whispering to Rúmil, who looked equally as discomfited. Both Elves turned to look at the healer with a bewildered look on their faces as Haldir took the basket. “Is there a problem?” Haldir asked the two Elves after the healer had backed away, sensing Haldir’s mood. “Is there something fascinating about this door that I do not know about? Or are you so efficient that you already have your companies ready to leave and are merely skulking around the hallways to waste time until I give you leave to go?”

Faramir felt his heart skip just a little from the smile that Haldir had given him but then someone knocked at the door. He leaned up as much as he could to try to see what was going on but couldn’t quite see anything besides the healer giving Haldir supplies.

“We… I… Rúmil was waiting when I left,” Orophin sputtered and before he could stop Rúmil the words were out of the younger Elf’s mouth. He’d seen the healer hand over the items and leave.

“You cannot tell me you are playing nursemaid? I thought you were to guard him? Haldir… you are not going to… bathe him are you?” Rúmil asked frowning and Orophin beside him was giving him a look of warning, already taking his arm to propel Rúmil away from Haldir if necessary.

Haldir’s anger flared back instantly. He had no idea why he was so protective of Faramir, but the very idea of his brother’s disdainful attitude toward him made him furious. One hand clenched at the doorframe as the other squeezed the handle of the basket in his hand so hard it broke into a dozen pieces and the basket fell to the ground. Haldir didn’t even notice. Instead, his eyes found Orophin’s and his eyes narrowed. “You should have him out of my sight before I demote him so far that emptying the chamber pots will be a step up,” he ground out even as he stepped toward Rúmil menacingly. “And make sure I do not see him again for a very, very long time.”

Rúmil was gaping “But… what?” and Orophin merely nodded and grabbed his arm marching the other bewildered Elf away quickly. The healer who had not left the hall yet had heard the Elf speak and had frozen in his tracks. He’d once accidentally probed a bit too hard at the unconscious man’s wound causing him to cry out and almost had his hand broken by the Elf. He had learned from that moment on that this patient was to be treated gently and carefully if he valued his own skin. He was curious to see how the Marchwarden would react, the Elf was so protective of the man that it made him curious enough to stay behind, despite the eyes that were boring into him now. He swallowed hard. “Nothing broken in the basket?” he called as if that were his excuse to staying to make sure he didn’t need to return with anything.

The whole time Faramir could not really see or hear what was going on but could tell something was wrong, when the door opened just a little wider he saw the same Elf as before and another very similar looking one next to him and then he heard the other Elf’s words. What was it with these Elves? If they hated men so much, why were they even there? The thoughts disappeared as Haldir threatened the Elf and Faramir simply stared at him.

“Nothing is broken,” Haldir said, regaining his composure as he watched his brothers retreating down the hallway. “I almost had another patient for you, but it seems he has been taken out of harm’s way.” With that, he stepped back, closed the door behind him and schooled his features once again, as if everything were perfectly normal. He had no idea Faramir had heard or seen anything unusual, and was going to do his best to act as if nothing had happened. “Now that you are awake, we might as well change those bandages and get you cleaned up a bit. It is bath day, you know.”

The old healer laughed a little when the Elf spoke of another patient and nodded before heading away again. The warrior was a strange one, he thought but… if that young man in that room were his son, he’d want someone that protective of him on hand.

Chapter 9

Faramir’s eyes were wide as he stared at Haldir. “It… you… why… why did you get so angry? At the other Elf I mean?”

Haldir picked up the broken basket and the few items that had fallen out and carried everything over to the nightstand by Faramir’s bed. “He was being rude. I will not stand for anyone under my command to act in such a manner.” He stopped there, leaving off the part about how he really felt – that only he had the right to be rude because… well, just because that’s the way he was. For the most part, Rúmil and Orophin knew better. “I am sorry he woke you. He left in a bit of a hurry and the fool slammed the door behind him.”

“I… I know,” Faramir said softly and looked up at Haldir. “I have a confession to make… I had been awake for a bit longer than you first thought I was.” He was blushing deeply. “I did not really… well… yes I did. I did eavesdrop and I am sorry… but please do not let their prejudices or whatever they are, keep you from your brothers. At least say a proper farewell to them before they go into battle… I’d feel horribly guilty if you did not.”

Faintly surprised that Faramir had eavesdropped – and even more surprised that he had confessed to it – Haldir sat in his chair by the bed and gave the Ranger a quizzical look. “Their prejudices have nothing to do with what I do or do not say upon their departure,” he said, not understanding what Faramir was getting at. “Why would you feel guilty about what I tell them before they leave? I gave them their orders… that is all the farewell they ever get from me, just like any of the others under my command, just like any other battle. What more is there to say?”

“You… give them their orders but… but do not wish them luck, tell them that… that you care they return? I cannot understand that. Boromir and I… we always hugged and wished each other well… we… I guess I just do not understand what it is to have a brother and not be close to them,” Faramir settled on when he saw the confusion in Haldir’s eyes. The Elf truly was not close to his brothers… at all apparently.

“HUG them?” Haldir wore a vague look of horror as he said the words. “I do not hug anyone, and no one hugs me. What would be the point? I wish all the Elves out there the best of luck – they know that. For every Elf that falls, I have to find another to take his place, so certainly, I do not wish for any of them to be killed.” He saw Faramir looking at him oddly and realized that they were simply not understanding one another.

“I told you before, I see life differently than you do, Faramir. You are kind and brave and emotional and I am just… I am not like that. I carry out my duties. I guard Lothlórien, I keep my Lord and Lady safe… and I apparently watch over you too now. That is all I do, all I have time for, all I understand. I neither want nor need anything else… like… hugs.”

Faramir’s eyes widened when Haldir said the word ‘hug’ as if it were a most hated curse. “The point is to show that you love someone, care about them, appreciate them. Aragorn hugged you because he was happy and pleased and probably because no words could express how grateful he was that you led the Elves here to help… and… I have hugged you as best I am able with just one arm. When we are in bed… when I move close to you and snuggle against you, it’s the best hug I can offer and I derive pleasure from that… do you not?” Faramir asked carefully.

Haldir’s eyes widened as he stared at Faramir for a moment and shook his head. Unable to resist, he reached over and tucked a lock of hair behind the young man’s ear. “Well, if you must know, Aragorn, when he hugged me, smelled terrible. You, however, smell good – like the woods back in Lothlórien and rainy spring days and freshly baked bread. And you needed comfort, so I was holding you, not hugging you. I already told you… I do not find that unpleasant at all… but that is because I do not find you unpleasant. I find you most attractive, and you taste sweet, and I can honestly say I enjoy kissing you more than I have ever enjoyed kissing anyone in my life. Almost every one else I know is just… better off keeping their distance. I do not like to be touched, and I do not like touching anyone, though you, apparently are an exception to that rule.”

Faramir smiled when Haldir tucked his hair behind his ear that way, it was such a sweet gesture and so at odds with the Elf’s words. He laughed a little when he said Aragorn smelled terrible. From what little he had gleaned from that day the man had been left for dead and was filthy when he arrived at the keep with no time to bathe before the battle. The other Elf, Legolas, had not seemed to mind the smell so much. When Haldir went on about how Faramir smelled to him and how he enjoyed being near him and kissing him, the young man’s heart tripped in his chest and he felt his face turning a light shade of pink. “I like being the exception then,” he whispered. “Very much so in fact.” His heart was now beating rapidly in his chest as he looked at Haldir. A part of him recognized what he felt when he looked at the gorgeous Elf but he tried not to think on it. Haldir enjoyed him but he did not care for him or love him. In fact, the Elf seemed determined that he wasn’t capable of either emotion.

“Well then,” Haldir said, setting the supplies he would need for Faramir’s bath and dressing change beside the basket, “we should enjoy what time we have and not ruin it with talk of hugs or ungrateful captains who happen to be lucky enough to call themselves my brothers.”

As he sat the sponge and soap aside, he felt a bit strange. Faramir had been asleep or half-asleep when Haldir had bathed him before, and though he had done his best to maintain a clinical but gentle touch, he’d grown aroused just looking at the young man’s body. This time, however, Faramir was very much awake. He was still too weak and unable to move enough to bathe himself or even get out of bed, but that didn’t mean Haldir couldn’t appreciate his task. He reached over and tugged the blanket down from across Faramir’s chest and carefully began removing the dressing from his wound. “Do you need something for the pain before your bath, or had you rather be awake for it this time?”

A small laugh escaped when Haldir said his brothers were ‘lucky’ but soon the laughter died as Haldir began to prepare to give him a bath. “I am in no pain at the moment,” Faramir admitted and felt his heart skip again as Haldir’s fingers grazed against the skin of his stomach as he pulled the blanket down. He licked his lips and looked up at the Elf just as Haldir looked up at him. Their eyes met and he offered a slight smile. “Besides… I love the feeling of your hands against my skin… I think I want to be awake for it this time.”

Haldir’s eyes darkened at Faramir’s admission and it took him a moment before he could look away. He wanted to touch Faramir… all right, he wanted to do more than touch him, he admitted. And why should he not? They were both consenting adults, and though he still hadn’t quite forgiven Faramir for saving his life when he was trying so hard to end it, he saw no harm in the two of them having a bit of fun. “Then close your eyes, relax, and let me clean you,” he said softly, wetting the sponge with warm water and wringing it out. “Let’s start from the top and work our way down.” His hand trembled slightly for a moment before he regained control of himself and gently ran the sponge over Faramir’s face and neck. “How does that feel?”

Faramir was pleased to see the effect his words had on Haldir, the way his eyes darkened from a brilliant blue to almost indigo. He rested his head back as instructed and after several more minutes did close his eyes. Haldir’s hands were gentle and efficient, though a few times it felt like more than simply bathing him. As if Haldir was taking pleasure in what he was doing as much as Faramir was. The warmth of the water felt wonderful against his skin and he smiled. “Mmm, it feels wonderful,” he whispered. The problem was it almost felt too wonderful and Faramir wondered the times Haldir had bathed him while was unconscious… did he grow aroused? Because he certainly felt himself stirring now.

Haldir unconsciously let his fingers trail over Faramir’s skin alongside the sponge, being especially careful around his wound. With gentility no one who knew him would ever have guessed he possessed, he cleaned the excess ointment and the weeping fluids away, his touch as light as a butterfly’s wing. When he was finished, he let the wound get a bit of fresh air as he wet the sponge again and moved it over Faramir’s chest and arms. Already warm skin was made warmer by the heated water, and as always while he was bathing the Ranger, Haldir was feeling a stirring in his groin. They had made their attraction clear, however, and he didn’t even try to hide the frank appreciative glances to every part of Faramir’s body as he moved on. The blanket lay just across Faramir’s waist and Haldir looked up. “I am moving the blanket now,” he informed his patient matter-of-factly, his heart skipping a beat or two as he imagined Faramir being aroused… and what would happen if he was.

Faramir’s eyes fluttered open several times while Haldir cleaned him, his breathing was faster now, and he could feel heat pooling in the center of his body. He wanted Haldir, there was never a question about that, from the first moment he’d set eyes on the Elf he had wanted him. Though this was just cleaning him, taking care of his wound, Haldir did it not with the detachment that might be expected from the usually stern Elf. His touch was gentle, not wanting to hurt him, he knew somehow that no matter what Haldir might say, his brusqueness or his attitude, he would never hurt Faramir purposefully. The longer that the Elf touched him though, his fingers as well as the sponge moving against his body, the more aroused Faramir became. It was a natural reaction really, someone this handsome, someone he was this attracted to, touching him, if only to treat him, was still arousing. Also the way the Elf looked at him didn’t seem to help make that arousal lessen. Haldir’s eyes were dark and they did look at him as if he appreciated what he saw aside from the horrible wound. It made Faramir feel special in the Elf’s eyes and swallowed hard when he was warned about the blanket. He knew Haldir would see how his touch affected him, but after all… Haldir knew that Faramir wanted him, so why not let him see just how much? He merely nodded in answer and was only blushing a little when the blanket was moved and Haldir was greeted with the sight of exactly how attracted Faramir truly was to him.

Haldir’s hand trembled only slightly when he saw Faramir’s erection. The thick organ was hard and swollen, curving up against his belly, leaving Haldir with no doubt that certainly not all of the young man was injured. Without a word, he let the sponge trail over the crease of a lean hip, avoiding the arousal for the moment, already knowing that he couldn’t resist it for long. He simply didn’t know what to say… or do. The image of the Elves he’d paid to pleasure him flashed through his mind, and he remembered one particularly talented one taking him in his mouth. Would Faramir like that? The very idea should have disgusted him, but instead, the normally stoic Elf found that his mouth was almost watering. He had had Elves do that to him of course, but he’d never… though Gods, he wanted to now.

Without a word, he put the sponge aside and dipped his fingers in the water. His hand moved between Faramir’s legs, cupping the heavy testicles in his palm, and let his thumb move over the stiff flesh above. “And… how does that feel?” he asked softly, meeting Faramir’s gaze, and suddenly slightly unsure of himself since he had never done this before.

Faramir watched guardedly as his body was revealed to Haldir and was relieved to see that the Elf didn’t think it was amusing. Instead he continued on with his task, the sponge moving over his skin. When Haldir set the sponge aside and wet his hand instead, Faramir gasped when damp fingers cupped him, his body reacting and his hips moving slightly. “Gods…” Faramir licked his lips and stared into the blue eyes staring so intently into his own. “Better than wonderful,” was his only answer. His fingers curled into the sheet under him and Faramir hardly realized he was rocking his hips against Haldir’s hand. If he’d thought about it, he probably looked wanton, lying there like this but he didn’t care.

The heaviness behind the lacings of Haldir’s own breeches grew more intense as he watched Faramir. He said little, but remembered every movement, every gasp, studying Faramir intently since, apparently, they would be lovers one day. With a small nod, he focused back on the sac cupped in his hand and gently rolled one, then the other testicle in his palm, tugging lightly, simply experimenting for the moment and ignoring his own need.

Finally, however, he decided that honesty was simply the best policy. “You cannot move much, you are attracted to me, I am attracted to you, and since we have planned on being intimate, I think I would like to learn more about what you would like, Faramir. Do you have any objections to that?” He had no idea how clinical he sounded, but even if he did, he wouldn’t even have begun to know how to phrase his words differently. Worrying about someone else’s pleasure was new to him, and he was going about it the only way he knew how… step by step, in a logical and well-formed plan.

Faramir moaned softly as Haldir continued to touch him and Gods, how did the Elf know what would make him squirm like this? When Haldir spoke Faramir’s first thought was amusing though he didn’t laugh aloud. You have your hand on me like that and ask if I have objections? Instead he smiled and shook his head. “No, no objections… in fact I’d be disappointed if you did not wish to do more,” he whispered honestly.

A small smile touched Haldir’s lips as Faramir spoke. His tongue snaked out, and he not only wanted to lick at the thin drop of fluid that seeped from the tip of Faramir’s erection, but he needed to. His thumb ran over the engorged tip, gathering the fluid carefully, and brought it to his mouth. “Just like your mouth,” he murmured, wrapping his fingers back around Faramir’s length and stroking him slowly and a bit clumsily, “sweet, and warm…”

It certainly wasn’t like touching himself, that was for sure, but he knew what he liked… and hoped Faramir would be of the same mind. He looked up again and tried not to let his nervousness show. “I have never… pleasured anyone, so if I do something wrong, you must tell me.”

Faramir gasped when Haldir’s hand moved, and watching him lick his thumb that way made butterflies dance in his stomach and his heart trip in his chest. Gods, Haldir had no idea at all how attractive he was and how much just that simple thing made Faramir want him even more. He licked his own lips and then… when Haldir spoke again he felt his heart melt. He was in very real danger of losing his heart to this Elf… and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to stop himself. Yes, it was likely he would be heart broken later… but for now, Faramir couldn’t help himself. Just the idea that Haldir in all his long years had never chosen to pleasure another and was offering that to him now… it said more than words could ever say between them. He nodded in answer, unsure what to say, simply touched beyond words. He wanted to reach out to touch Haldir, but was slightly unsure of himself, which seemed an odd thought at the moment. He had never really touched Haldir very much… the Elf touched him yes, but it wasn’t the other way around very often and most of those touches had been incidental… but this was entirely different. Staring at him for a moment, Faramir’s hand rose wishing to touch Haldir’s face or sink into golden hair. “Will you allow me to touch you, Haldir?” he asked softly. It seemed a strange request given the situation but Faramir knew that Haldir would understand.

Out of habit, Haldir started to shake his head no, but the idea of Faramir’s touching him was almost as arousing as what he was about to do to Faramir. With a smile he tentatively rested the palm of his hand on Faramir’s stomach and rubbed the soft down below his navel, finding he liked the sensation, then moved so that the outstretched fingers wouldn’t have to strain to reach him. “Aye, you may touch me,” he said softly, wrapping his fingers around Faramir’s length and giving it a light squeeze.

Faramir gasped and his hand shook as he reached for Haldir, pleased that he’d agreed and very pleased with the way the Elf was touching him. His fingertips traced along the side of Haldir’s face, down his jaw before moving back and tracing the outer shell of his ear, curious, he supposed, about them. When his fingertip moved over the pointed tip, he felt Haldir shake and smiled, loving the fact that he could get such a reaction from him. His own body was reacting as well, his skin was flushed and he was so hard he ached, but he knew this was new to Haldir and didn’t push for him to go faster.

Haldir’s ear was almost as sensitive as his erection, but he was hesitant to admit that out loud. It was giving away too much, he thought, though his actions seemed to speak for him, as he couldn’t stop himself from shuddering in pleasure each time Faramir touched the tip. It seemed the organ in his hand was growing harder with every passing moment, and he knew just how painful that could be. “Tell me if I do this wrong,” he again reminded his future lover. Not giving him a chance to respond, the Elf leaned down and licked at the tip of Faramir’s arousal. The taste was the same, still warm and sweet, and he wanted more. Lowering his head again, he licked at the surprisingly warm skin at the base of the cock in his hand, then worked his way up with long swipes of his tongue, until he was again licking at the head. Gods, he was going to burst if he didn’t touch himself, he thought, moving his free hand to unlace his breeches and free his own rigid flesh.

Faramir was fascinated by Haldir’s reaction to the simple touch to his ear and wondered if all Elves enjoyed that or just this one. Faramir had no desire to find out about other Elves though but he did wish to find out so much more about Haldir. When Haldir spoke he simply looked at him for a moment as he watched his lover lean down. He gasped at the first tentative touch of Haldir’s tongue against him and then moaned as his lover continued. His body automatically arched into the touch, reacting on instinct alone as his fingers sank into Haldir’s hair. They curled against his scalp not guiding or holding him in place, simply enjoying the connection. A part of him did wish it were his own hand on Haldir as he watched him free his arousal, wanted to taste him too, but he wasn’t exactly in the shape to even attempt it. That didn’t make the desire go away though and didn’t change the fact that once he could he wished to do all sorts of things to bring Haldir as much pleasure as just this was bringing him. It wasn’t perfect, Haldir was hesitant, and slightly awkward but desire and something else entirely that Faramir wasn’t able to put a name to yet, made this better than any time he’d spent with any other lover.

Sighing as long fingers tangled in his hair, Haldir couldn’t help but think that this too was a sensation he enjoyed. Maybe giving pleasure, in some circumstances, was pleasurable in itself. He certainly seemed to be proving that, since his own arousal was impossibly hard against his palm as he slowly stroked himself. It felt odd, to be tasting someone like this – a Man no less, not even another Elf. The thought of doing this to anyone else repulsed him, however, and he concentrated on just hearing and feeling Faramir’s reactions right here and now. After a moment, he took a deep breath and, careful to cover his teeth, let his lips slide over the head of Faramir’s length, then down a bit further, feeling the thick organ twitch and leak on the back of his tongue. His own erection reacted in kind, almost startling him with the intense wave of pleasure and fire racing through his veins as he began to suck gently on the flesh in his mouth, forgetting only once and letting his teeth scrape over sensitive skin. Quickly licking at the spot, he murmured an apology and kept going, enjoying this far too much to stop.

When Haldir seemed to grow a bit more confident in what he was doing and his lips sealed around him, Faramir moaned, his breath catching in his chest as he was taken into warm, wet heat. Haldir was moving slowly, but Faramir’s pulse was so rapid he thought his heart might jump right out of his chest. He winced and startled a little when teeth scraped against him, but he merely continued to caress Haldir’s scalp letting him know that he was fine and it was all right. It was such a small thing compared to how good everything else felt. He smiled at the murmured apology though. “Gods… you are… a fast learner though,” he teased just a little, gasping when Haldir’s tongue pressed hard against him. He shuddered, feeling himself leak even more against his lover’s tongue, the pleasure coursing through his body, blurring out any pain in his shoulder.

Haldir smiled around the flesh in his mouth and kept moving, his mouth on Faramir and his hand on himself working in tandem to bring them both close to the edge. Each time either of them seemed to be close, he backed off, settling for holding his own arousal at the base until he regained his precious control, or simply licking at Faramir’s length and avoiding the tip until he seemed to relax as well. He was torn between wanting Faramir to loose all control and wanting to just lay over him and touch him until he came… and decided to do both. He stopped stroking himself and wrapped his fingers around what his mouth could not accommodate and then looked up at Faramir, lips swollen, face flushed, eyes dark with desire. “Let go. Let me taste you completely,” he murmured,
letting his lips sink down again and working the thick organ with both his mouth and hand.

Faramir was brought to the edge so many times he lost count. Gods, Haldir truly was a fast learner because he was trembling with need, almost ready to beg the Elf to let him come. When Haldir shifted on the bed though and looked up at him, Faramir felt his heart leap in his chest from the look in his eyes. No one had ever looked at him the way Haldir was looking at him now. When the whispered words reached his ears, Faramir swallowed hard and nodded, unable to trust his voice. Then wet heat sealed around him again and he moaned, his body so close to the edge already that it wasn’t long before Haldir’s request was granted. Faramir came hard, his fingers curling in Haldir’s hair, crying out as his hips moved just a little, not wishing to choke Haldir but unable to remain still.

As warmth flooded into his mouth and down his throat, Haldir swallowed as quickly as he could, all the while watching as Faramir writhed beneath him. So this was how it felt to please a lover? It wasn’t sex exactly, but Gods, it was erotic, and exciting, and something he wanted to do again and again. It occurred to him that if things went as planned and he indeed went off to battle after he left Gondor, Faramir would be the only real lover he would ever have. It stood to reason then, that he should experience anything and everything he could in the short time they had together.

When he had swallowed the last drop of Faramir’s release, Haldir cleaned him gently with his tongue, and then pulled away, giving him a moment to recover. His hand moved up and again fondled the delicate testicles, remembering how Faramir had seemed to enjoy that before. “I did that correctly, then? You found pleasure in what I was doing?”

Faramir was actually surprised that Haldir hadn’t pulled away when he came, pleased that he did not, but happily surprised. He was still gasping for breath and shivering when Haldir drew away again and touched him with such careful hands. The hands of a warrior but so incredibly sensual and gentle with him. He smiled as Haldir spoke, and trailed his fingertips along his cheek. “You did… and Gods, I did find pleasure… very much so… but you haven’t…” he said softly wishing he weren’t injured and could do more.

“Oh, I will,” Haldir finished for him. “But first you must get hard again.” He seemed to know all the places not to touch just yet, pleased that in this respect at least, Men and Elves weren’t so different after all. He knew that words as well as actions often aroused him, so he continued as his hand moved up and over Faramir’s softened flesh, tugging lightly and smiling as it began to fill again in response. “I want you just as hard as you were before, – hard and wet and dripping – so when I kiss you, you can taste yourself in my mouth. Then I am going to lay over you, grind my cock against yours until you scream so loudly, that were I not kissing you – and I will be – then all the healers in Rohan would think you were dying…”

Faramir felt his face flush as Haldir spoke but then all his blood seemed to rush south once more. His body reacted to both Haldir’s touch and his words and he was surprised by his own body, never becoming aroused again this quickly before. “Gods…” he breathed out the word softly and watched his lover, Haldir was still mostly dressed in fact, and he ineffectually tugged at Haldir’s tunic. “Take it off… I want to see you, please?”

Haldir had often been called a ‘cold but skilled’ lover, and while he felt anything but cold now, he was grateful for the ‘skilled’ part, because he found he loved watching, and feeling, Faramir respond to him so freely. He sat back up on the bed and undressed in record time, tugging his tunic over his head and shoving his breeches down and pushing them away with his bare feet. When he was finished, he carefully laid himself over Faramir’s body, keeping an eye on his wound as he did so, but not moving just yet, despite the fact that he could feel his arousal leaking against his lover’s skin. “There,” he murmured, pressing his thigh between Faramir’s legs until they parted. “Now you can see and feel me…”

When Haldir sat up and began to undress, Faramir could not take his eyes off of him. He was gorgeous, absolutely every inch of him pure perfection. His skin unblemished and smooth, his body lean and muscled and Faramir found his arousal that was rebuilding quickly, stir even more in interest, as he gazed at the Elven warrior. Haldir was quite simply every fantasy Faramir had ever had, right there before him. His legs parted easily when Haldir settled over him, and he gasped when he felt how hard his lover was against him. He licked his lips as his hand roamed along his lover’s backside. “You are even more gorgeous than I ever imagined,” he whispered.

As Faramir spoke, Haldir was already getting ready to feast on his body again, oddly addicted to the taste of the Ranger. While the Elf was certain that feeling would pass (after all, Faramir was a man), he couldn’t deny that he was enjoying him at that moment. He was lost in Faramir’s body just then, not thinking that touching him was awkward, or realizing how vulnerable this need to kiss every inch of the young man would have made him feel under normal circumstances. Right then and there, he simply wanted Faramir. There was no time or room to think of anything else. “And you are quite beautiful yourself,” he murmured, sliding one hand beneath Faramir’s lower back and tilting his hips up so that their lower bodies could grind together and Faramir wouldn’t have to take a chance on straining his shoulder. “Stubborn, argumentative, and I still have not forgiven you for risking your life to save mine… but I cannot deny that you are pleasing to look at… and to taste.” With that, he licked his lips, leaving no doubt as to what he was referring to as their eyes met.

The way Haldir touched him, the way he looked at him, made Faramir feel as if he were at the center of the Elf’s world. It may not be true at all, this may just be a way for Haldir to release the sexual tension that had been lingering between them or even just a way to pass the time but it still made him feel special. Curling one leg over one of Haldir’s, Faramir smiled at the returned compliment and wasn’t sure if he should feel scolded by his next words and then the last ones left his body twitching under Haldir’s simply from the look the Elf gave him. Faramir’s body moved against the Elf and he moaned softly. “Gods…” he murmured still unable to believe he’d grown aroused again so quickly or so easily.

“No… not one of the Gods,” Haldir teased as he panted against Faramir’s neck and shifted his hips. “Only an Elf. An Elf who is very hard at the moment… as you can tell.” His erection ground against Faramir’s thigh as he leaned up on one arm, supporting his body weight and reaching down between them to take both shafts in his hand. His thumb ran over first Faramir’s arousal, then his own, gathering the precome that was seeping out, and using it to slick his fingers. It was strange, this having to think of another’s pleasure, but he found that he couldn’t look away from the dark blue eyes beneath him, even as he moaned in pleasure at his own touch. “Slowly, Faramir, slowly,” he murmured, slowing his hand since he was the one setting the pace, but wrapping his fingers tighter around both organs. “You are still injured.”

Faramir almost laughed when Haldir teased him, though at that moment he could hardly breathe, let alone laugh. His heart was racing again and he wanted Haldir as much if not more than he’d wanted him just a short time before. No one had ever made him desire them so much. His moan was low in the room when Haldir’s hand moved against his sex, he shifted his hips a little but stopped when Haldir murmured to go slowly. He swallowed hard and concentrated on not giving in to the overwhelming need he felt. Frankly, he’d all but forgotten his injury, any pain of it blurred out by the pleasure still humming through his body. Likely he might just be sore or in pain but his body was focused on his arousal, his desire for Haldir and the gorgeous eyes staring into his own. “I have never wanted anyone the way I want you…” it was true. He didn’t just want Haldir, a part of him wanted to belong to the Elf, to do anything and everything the blond wanted him to. It was almost disconcerting how much he wanted that.

So lost in the moment that he almost forgot to censor his words, Haldir sucked gently on Faramir’s neck and smiled. “Aye,” he murmured, “This is somehow different than…” He paused, frozen in place so thoroughly that even his hand between them stopped for a moment. He berated himself for not thinking before he spoke, but quickly recovered. “Many Elves have told me I am skilled in the bedroom,” he managed smoothly. Before Faramir could respond, Haldir sealed their lips together and kissed him deeply, all the while still stroking.

Faramir’s head had fallen back as Haldir’s mouth worked at his neck, feeling the mark it would leave and not caring if everyone saw it. His heart stilled for a moment as Haldir paused, different than what? Different than with another Elf? Different than… he swallowed hard as his mind started to play out all sorts of phrases that could have finished that sentence but soon his lips were captured and the kiss was so deep, Haldir’s hand moving on him that way, feeling his flesh against his lover’s… it all made him forget his train of thought and get caught up in the amazing sensations the Elf could draw from him. His tongue licked at Haldir’s, returning the kiss as his hips shifted under his lover. He desperately wanted to know what it would feel like to have Haldir inside him but right now this felt too good to stop.

Haldir was sure each stroke of his hand would be the last. He was so close, having gotten painfully hard as he’d taken Faramir in his mouth and now, feeling their bodies moving together, skin against skin, the friction of his lover’s hard flesh grinding against his own as his hand moved between them, the way Faramir was kissing him with such abandon – it was almost too much. He felt his balls draw up close to his body, their fullness and heaviness as they shifted making him moan helplessly inside Faramir’s mouth. He pulled away for only a moment, and even then, only enough so that he could whisper a single word before recapturing sweet lips with his own. “Now.” As he spoke, he felt his cock pulse and spill between them, covering his lover’s stomach and chest and dripping over the still rigid length in his hand.

Faramir was almost writhing beneath Haldir, his body moving with his lover, needing to come again, though he’d already found his release less than an hour before. His skin tingled each place they touched and though he could have breathed more easily, his lips refused to draw away from Haldir’s until the Elf finally pulled away from him. The word ‘now’ was spoken on a breath, before Faramir’s mouth was recaptured and Haldir’s moan and the feel of the heat spreading between them rapidly threw him over the edge as well. His hips arched upwards, his entire body drawing tight as a second orgasm rushed over him. After several long moments he collapsed back against the bed, melting into it, as he continued to kiss his Elven lover. He had felt want, need, and desire before but realized until now… until Haldir, he had never felt true passion.

As his fingers were covered with Faramir’s seed, Haldir was still reeling from his own intense orgasm. Their bodies seemed to melt together as one as his lover arched up against him, and somehow, Haldir couldn’t find a single reason to complain. In fact, he held the lithe young body close for long moments as if to welcome Faramir into himself, the spell broken and his body stiffening as he realized just how much he’d given of to the man beneath him. It shook him to his very core, and he was almost ashamed as he pulled away from the kiss. To be so vulnerable to another… and a man at that. He rolled off Faramir at once and lay beside him, smiling, but not drawing him close as he sometimes did when they slept or kissed. “I… you…” He had no idea what to say, so he stuck with something more familiar. “Your wound… did I hurt you?”

For a few wonderful moments they held close to each other as Faramir shook beneath his lover, never knowing that not actually being taken could feel this fulfilling. He was slightly confused when he felt Haldir’s muscles grow rigid as the Elf drew away from him but he was still so caught up in his own feelings of pleasure that he simply looked at the Elf for a long moment as he lay beside him on the narrow bed. He shook his head slightly. “No… at least I do not think so. My… my mind has not been focused on my injury… right now I feel quite… wonderful,” he settled on though the word did not seem enough to explain how he truly felt. “You were right though.” When Haldir looked at him questioningly, Faramir smiled. “If you had not been kissing me I think I would have cried out so loudly it would have shook the rafters.”

Haldir’s eyes sparkled with amusement as Faramir recalled his own words. “Well, I am glad you feel wonderful,” he grinned, sliding off the bed and quickly gathering his clothes. Lying in bed naked with a lover was… just not something he did, though he had to admit it would feel wonderful to just lie back down and nap for a few hours after such an exhausting bath. Cleaning himself and dressing quickly, he decided the safest course of action was to simply resume his duties, however. Almost as if nothing had happened, he was dipping the sponge back into the water and cleaning Faramir’s stomach. “I think the water has grown cold,” he sighed. “I will get more.” In truth, it was a bit cool, but he really only wanted a few moments alone to think… to figure out just when and where he’d gone too far and shown too much, for he felt certain he had.

Faramir watched as Haldir got up and grinned at the way the Elf’s eyes sparkled. He would have liked for Haldir to stay close, to lie in the bed and allow Faramir to snuggle close to him but he wasn’t about to embarrass himself by asking. He remained silent as Haldir got up to seek warmer water and wondered if Haldir was uncomfortable about what they’d done or merely focused back on the task of cleaning him again. Faramir settled back on the bed and closed his eyes trying to regain control of his still too rapid heartbeat. He couldn’t be sure but perhaps Haldir was just as overwhelmed as he had been? Faramir opened his eyes and glanced over at the Elf but Haldir seemed to be wearing the mask that he often did, his emotions tightly reigned in even after something so… powerful, at least to Faramir it had been powerful.

Not even thinking it odd that Faramir was the only patient who was allowed to keep his door locked, Haldir unlocked it, smoothed his hair down, and stepped out into the hallway. He stopped the first person who happened to be wandering by with warm water and simply demanded he hand it over, which the young man did without protest. The blond Elf was used to having his way, and the healers, their assistants, and even some other patients had found it easier to just do what he wanted, rather than even attempt to argue. Rather than return to their room with the basin of water however, he stood outside the door for long moments, wondering why Faramir had looked at him so oddly as he’d gotten out of bed. It was only sex, a mutual pleasure, a shared release.

Wasn’t it?

Chapter 10

Faramir took a deep breath when Haldir left the room, still trying to understand everything that he felt. He realized that it was likely much more than Haldir himself had felt and mentally scolded himself for letting his emotions run away with him. Haldir had warned him that he was not an emotional sort but when he’d looked at him… just… the briefest of moments it had felt as if there was something more in the Elf’s dazzling blue eyes. You are a fool, Faramir. Trying to see things that simply are not there. This was just release to him, just something physical, do not make the mistake of letting your heart rule your head. Though a part of him knew deep down it was too late. He’d do anything for Haldir he realized but not falling in love with him might not be something Faramir was capable of.

By the time Haldir re-entered the room, he was almost back to normal, having taken a firm hold of his emotions and gathering his wits about him. He was his usual self as he sat back down beside the bed, traded the old water for the new, and giving no sign that anything out of the ordinary had happened. He finished cleaning Faramir then stood again. “Now… it is time for your back, and then I will see where our food is. You need to build your strength up, or the return trip to Gondor will surely exhaust you.”

Faramir had remained silent when Haldir returned and cleaned him. The air wasn’t thick or heavy with unspoken words though, simply back to the way it always seemed to be between them. A part of him was disappointed while the other thought it was best to keep his emotions from getting the better of him. He concentrated on making sure Haldir’s touch didn’t rekindle his desires and moved so that Haldir could wash his back. When Haldir spoke of rebuilding his strength, Faramir couldn’t help but laugh then. “Many more sessions like earlier and I am sure I will be up and about in no time… best exercise I’ve had in quite a very long time,” he teased.

“You will not hear any complaints from me,” Haldir grinned, relieved that what they had just shared – whatever it had been – hadn’t changed things between them. Maybe he’d just overreacted? It had been some time since he’d had the time or patience to have a sexual partner, and it could just have been the fact that he’d never been with a Man before that made it feel… different. He continued his ministrations and forced himself not to stare at Faramir’s backside. “I will be more than happy to help you exercise as often as you like… or as often as you are ‘up’ to it.”

Faramir snorted and ended up chuckling then. “Your kisses seem to assure me of being ‘up’ to it. And I am surprised that my shoulder does not hurt at all… honestly. Perhaps you have some sort of healing magic in your kisses?” Faramir asked teasingly but it was honest. He was not feeling any pain. Perhaps soon he would be given leave to at least get out of bed? “Do you think the healers will let me get out of bed soon? I feel lazy.”

Even the talk of ‘magic kisses’ didn’t help Haldir to realize how much stronger and healthier Faramir was when they were together. He simply shrugged and helped Faramir to lie back down. Carefully, he began working around the wound, his hands efficient, but gentle as they applied ointment and salves. Had he been working on anyone else – either Man or Elf, he would have been much quicker, and much less concerned with their pain, but he somehow seemed to have grown to care about Faramir’s state of mind and physical well being and didn’t want to hurt him. He could deny it all he wanted, even to himself, but knew that once they reached Gondor and he and the Ranger parted ways, he would feel a lot more relaxed. “He should be here soon and we can ask him. I will put the dressing on after he leaves, and if he says yes, then we can go for a short walk today, then a longer one tomorrow. The sooner we leave Helm’s Deep, the better, as I am sure you agree.”

Faramir frowned knowing what Haldir meant by leaving Helm’s Deep, it meant the Elf would be that much closer to the battle he sought to end his life. Feeling petty enough to almost wish himself a fever, Faramir had to bite back a sigh. “Aye… a walk sounds good,” he said trying not to address the other because he knew they were of differing opinions. Besides, going back to Gondor for him meant returning to… so much he didn’t wish to think on. Not the least of which how his father would react… going against his orders… almost getting himself killed… and… Gods, the hardest part… Boromir’s death.

Haldir saw a dark shadow behind Faramir’s eyes, and was suddenly terrified that he would cry again. Before that could happen, he made his way back out into the hall, found the first healer who happened to pass by, and literally drug him into the room by the collar of his tunic. “Oh look, Faramir,” he said in a falsely bright tone of voice as the healer hung helplessly before him, his feet not even touching the floor and his face wearing a look of both amusement and resignation. Whatever he had been going to do would have to wait; he should have known better than to walk by this room, of all places. Haldir continued as if the healer had just eagerly bounced into the room to examine him. “Here’s one now! Maybe we can take that walk sooner rather than later!”

Faramir looked up and found himself laughing as he looked at the poor healer practically dangling in Haldir’s grasp. “Haldir…” Faramir shook his head and laughed again and looked apologetically at the healer who seemed at least somewhat good-natured about the whole thing. “I seem to be feeling much better, I was wondering if perhaps you could give me leave to get out of bed at least?” he paused as the man was still caught in Haldir’s hands. “Haldir… I think you can put him down now.” Faramir’s lips were twitching and the healer set about straightening his tunic as he was set down on his feet again and practically bolted over to the bed to examine the young man.

He looked from Faramir to the Elf for a moment, stunned at how quickly the wound was healing. It really should not be this well in such a short period of time. “You heal exceedingly quickly, lord Faramir… I… I believe you can get up for short periods of time but if you feel tired do not push yourself. I would hate to see you undo all the progress you’ve made,” the healer said after a moment.

Pleased but somewhat surprised at the healer’s words, Haldir sat on the edge of the bed and made sure the blanket stayed up above his patient’s waist. “Faramir is quite strong. He will not undo any progress.” As he looked at the healer, he suddenly realized that he wasn’t that old, nor that bad looking. Next time, he vowed, he’d pick someone old and ugly. It was a ridiculous thought, and one he wasn’t about to analyze, but it ran through his head nevertheless. “I am making sure he does not overdo it,” Haldir said, suddenly slipping between Faramir and the healer’s outstretched hands just as the healer was going to touch the wound. Again. “Thank you for your time. I will take over from here.” His voice was a bit harder now, the false smile he’d had on his face a moment ago both from the relief that Faramir wouldn’t be crying and the positive words from the healer now long gone.

Faramir glanced down as Haldir sat down and it seemed his hands were practically holding the blanket around his waist. He tried not to react and simply smiled at the healer. The healer was maybe the same age as Boromir had been and had a kind smile. It was as he realized those things, he also noticed how close Haldir was sitting and how each time the healer reached to probe the wound, Haldir seemed to get in the way. The healer sighed and sat back looking at Faramir kindly and flicking a look of annoyance toward the Elf beside him.

“Quite surprised you asked my opinion at all,” the man muttered as he stood up and headed quickly toward the door. “I’ll have your meals sent later, just remember if you feel tired, lord Faramir, rest. Do not push yourself, no matter what anyone else says.” With that, the man was gone and Faramir found himself bemused by the entire meeting.

Haldir’s face flushed as the healer looked up at him and muttered under his breath. His last comment set the Elf’s nerves on edge, and had he not been holding the blanket, he would have chased after – and caught – the healer before he’d left the room. As it was, he waited, fuming, as the man stood and crossed the room, gritting his teeth and balling the blanket up in his fists. “I think I need to have a word with him…” he growled. “Excuse me, Faramir.”

“Haldir!” Faramir called sitting up on the bed unsure what to say. He did not think it was worth getting upset over but Haldir was already nearly to the door and obviously angry at the words the healer had spoken. The man had a right to be slightly upset by the way he was ‘handled’ but not the way he said his last words… as if Haldir would push him. “They… they just…” he paused and frowned. Just what, Faramir? Just do not understand you? Just do not know you? You are fooling yourself if you think you do.

Turning on his heel just before he reached the door, Haldir arched one eyebrow, still furious at the healer and not really even understanding why. Did that vile little man really think Haldir would push Faramir too far? That he would even consider letting Faramir get out of bed if there was any chance at all that it was too soon? And, by the Valar, did he have to keep trying to touch Faramir?? He eyes narrowed as he waited for his companion to finish, but only silence filled the room. Unknowingly, he repeated the words Faramir was just thinking? “They just..what?” he snapped. “They think I would ever consider hurting you? They think I would put anything before your health? They think I am not taking good care of you? And why are you defending him? Were you… attracted to him? Because he certainly could not seem to keep his hands off of you!”

Faramir opened his mouth to argue when Haldir said that the healer may have thought Haldir might hurt him and then suddenly his anger turned to take on… jealousy? Jealousy? Haldir is jealous? Faramir was so stunned, he simply sat there for a moment trying to take in the words. “If you must know… no, I was not attracted to him. He was… handsome, the first thought I had was that he was my brother’s age and had a kind smile… I… I did not think of him. Well… not the way I think of you. And… and it is his job to touch me, you know? To check my wound… I did not notice any other touch that… Gods, why am I even arguing this with you?” Faramir laughed then and shook his head. “And no… I do not think they believe you will hurt me… in fact I do not believe they would have left me in your care if they did believe that… the men of Rohan trust Elves much less than those of Gondor… surely you know that,” Faramir stopped speaking then and simply looked at Haldir. His heart did a funny flip in his chest it seemed as he still took in the very idea that Haldir was jealous. And Gods, what did it say about him that he liked that possessiveness?

Haldir looked between Faramir and the door and back again. Faramir’s words were reasonable and calm, though Haldir thought he looked quite pleased with himself for some reason at the same time. He had no idea how or why he was so angry, but knew his anger wasn’t directed at the man on the bed who was looking at him so oddly all of a sudden. If only he hadn’t been so caught up in their… activities earlier, maybe none of this would have happened. He blamed everything solely on his momentary lapse of control, and rationalized that things had been wrong ever sense. He would have to simply keep a better hold on… well, everything, really.

With a deep, resigned sigh, he sat heavily down in his usual chair and wrinkled his nose at Faramir. “See, if you had just looked away when that orc was behind me, none of this would have happened. You would have been safe and healthy and back in Gondor and I would be in the Halls of Mandos and we would both have been content and not arguing and I would not have to chase after all the healers who seem to find you a bit more attractive than they do all their other patients. I mean, honestly! The man was practically ready to burrow under the covers and… and do what I did earlier to you!” All right, maybe that was an exaggeration, he knew that even as he said the words, but not by much.

Faramir frowned deeply when Haldir spoke of death again and sighed heavily himself. “I would not take back what I did for anything… these… these weeks with you I would not change it even to escape the pain. As much as it… discomforts you I do like your company… apparently even when you are being an extremely grumpy and cross Elf… I still like your company. Not sure what that says about me exactly… but it is the way it is,” he answered and looked down at the bed. “And if that man were to burrow under the covers, he’d probably have found out that my legs work perfectly fine because I would have kicked him right out of the bed. Do not think just because I gave myself to you so… willingly, that I am that way with everyone. I do not take lovers on a whim, Haldir.”

NO one talked to Haldir that way… at least not to his face. He thought vaguely that he might have just been insulted, but then realized that yes, he was a grumpy and cross Elf. The other words – the ones about Faramir enjoying his company and about what would happen if the healer had touched him, however, made Haldir feel rather… well, most people would have said, ‘warm’ inside, but since Haldir wasn’t like that, he’d settle for feeling… vindicated. “Well,” he sniffed, reaching for the bandages to redress Faramir’s wound, “I did not think you would take a lover so carelessly, but either way… I daresay that once you and I are more intimate, you will find everyone else lacking.”

Faramir almost laughed as Haldir spoke, thinking that the Elf was entirely too full of himself but Haldir may not be all that wrong. Just Faramir’s reactions to his kisses, his touch… if just what had happened earlier was any indication Faramir would find others lacking because none had stirred him that much. “Actually,” Faramir said softly and looked up, smiling just a little as Haldir began to unroll one of the bandages, “I already find your touch and your kisses much more… stirring than any others I’ve ever had so… though I’d like to scoff and tease that you are entirely too arrogant… you are likely right.”

Haldir’s lips twitched as he moved from his chair to the bed and added a bit more salve to his bandage before gently dressing the wound with a touch so light, his hands barely even seemed to touch Faramir’s skin. “I am only arrogant because I have a right to be,” he smirked. “You just said so yourself. Why, I would wager that if I had the time or the inclination, all the Elves I have paid for their services would have paid me for the privilege of just touching me… let alone sharing my bed for a few hours.” He was leaning over Faramir as he bound the last bandage and impulsively turned to lick at the red spot on his neck he himself had put there earlier. “Why I bet almost everyone here in Helm’s Deep – including your touchy little healer – would give their right arm to be marked by
me in such a manner…” In truth, he had never asked any of his bedmates if he was doing anything right, and since he had never given a second thought to their pleasure anyway, it hadn’t really mattered before. He wasn’t about to let Faramir know that of course, though.

Faramir’s laugh turned into a giggle when Haldir licked him and he looked up at the Elf shaking his head. “Not an ounce of shame in you… not a one,” he teased in return but still smiling. Haldir was entirely too smug and normally Faramir despised that in someone but Haldir was just so matter-of-fact about it that he couldn’t seem to be anything but amused. “Aye, you may be right but I should hope that is not your aim. I… I like that it is me you choose to mark and not any of them.”

It occurred to Haldir that he had never marked another… and it was odd that only now did he do so, when he was only weeks away from what was surely the end of his life on Arda, and marking a man on top of everything else. Lost in his thoughts, he ran his fingertip lightly over the skin he had turned into a deep red bruise and smiled. “No, I have no desire to mark any other,” he conceded in a soft voice. “Nor have I ever marked anyone before. It is fitting, I suppose, that the man who almost died in my place – against my will, I might add – should bear such a mark.” He shook his head, the thoughts of his imminent demise cheering him a bit in some ways but making him feel rather… odd in others, and sighed. With a quick swipe of his tongue over the reddened skin one last time, he sat up and stretched. “Now… would you prefer that walk now or after dinner?”

Surprised by Haldir’s words, Faramir simply stared at him for a moment. He has never marked anyone else before? It made him feel special, though Haldir’s next words made him frown a little. Yes, it had been against Haldir’s will that Faramir had saved his life but at some point the young man couldn’t help but hope that the Elf would decide that Faramir had done the right thing after all. But how would he find a way to convince Haldir there was something more for him than traveling to Mandos? He squirmed a little as Haldir licked at his neck again and sat up. “Now? I am a little anxious to at least stand up… I really do not like laying in this bed all the time.”

More than ready to lighten the mood a bit and distract him from his unbidden thoughts, Haldir simply leaned over and scooped Faramir up in his arms as if he weighed no more than the pillow he was laying on. He did it in such a manner that the young man’s body was perfectly still and just as it had been on the bed, so there would be no pain from the change in positions. “Then you shall not lie in bed,” he smiled, holding Faramir against his chest. “I will set you down slowly, but keep a hold on you… and I promise not to let you fall.”

Expecting to scoot to the edge of the bed himself, Faramir was shocked though touched by the way Haldir scooped him into his arms and held him so tenderly. It was at odds with everything the Elf said… his actions never seemed to quite match his words at times and Faramir found that he enjoyed that. Enjoyed never knowing what strange… and so far… wonderful impulse struck Haldir. “Thank you,” he managed as his legs were slowly and carefully lowered. Resting on his feet after so many days had passed, Faramir winced just a little, feeling as if sharp pins were sticking the bottoms of his feet. “I think I will need a hand to move… but it should not take me long to get back to my old self now,” he said holding tight to Haldir’s shoulder as he waited for his body to catch up to what he was doing.

Haldir held Faramir steady and nodded. “Aye, I think we will have you home in no time at all,” he said softly, running his hand over the tensed muscles of Faramir’s back as he stood for the first time in far too long. “And then…” His words trailed off and he found that for the first time, he didn’t want to talk about what would happen after that. “I will not let you push yourself though. You were near death for too long for either of us to take your health lightly.” As he said the words ‘near death’ he couldn’t help remember Faramir’s pale and almost lifeless face and shivered unconsciously as this time, he couldn’t push the image away.

Faramir frowned deeply when Haldir paused the ‘and then’ leading the man’s mind to think on the plans the Elf had for after he returned him to Gondor. He wasn’t sure what to say, wanted to come up with some way to delay them in fact… but of course that was not an option. He swallowed hard though from the tone of Haldir’s voice and the shiver he had. “Are you all right?” he asked suddenly forgetting about the ache of his legs that he hadn’t used in far too long. He feared that Haldir disliked the idea of spending so long waiting for Faramir to be well, feared the Elf would frankly rather die than spend more time with him. “I… know you would not push me… but I promise I will not… be more of a burden to you, Haldir if that is your concern.”

It took Haldir a moment to follow Faramir’s thoughts, but once he did, he shook his head in dismay. One hand rested at the small of the man’s back and the other held the pale face before him still until their gazes met. So many words came to mind that he could have said – that Faramir wasn’t a burden, never had been, that the only burden he bore was his own solitary life, but even that had felt different to him lately. The words wouldn’t seem to fall from his lips, however hard he might try and a moment later he realized that he was once again doing what he’d sworn only hours earlier never to do again. He was letting this Ranger… this man get to too close. “Do not concern yourself with… with my concerns,” he said, releasing Faramir’s face, and looking away, though he kept a firm arm around his waist. “You just concentrate on your recovery.”

Faramir was captured first by Haldir’s hand and then his eyes seemed to pin him in place. He stared into them wondering what he saw there, wondering what it was that the Elf wished to say. Again his words did not entirely match everything that seemed to pass between them and Faramir looked down, his body still close to Haldir’s. He nodded slowly. “All right.” Looking down for a moment, Faramir took a breath. “I think I am ready to see if my legs will tolerate a short walk… maybe to the window?” he suggested feeling the need to change the subject. Haldir nodded and picked up a soft robe off the back of the chair and wrapped it around Faramir’s shoulders carefully. He smiled just a little, nodding in thanks before they started to move.

Haldir simply nodded and turned toward the window. So often he had looked out that very window, wondering where the battle that would end his life was taking place, wondering where and when he would finally, finally meet his glorious death. As he held Faramir close against him, however, and they took one tiny, faltering step forward together, he found that his thoughts were now wondering what a life – not death – in Gondor would be like.

Faramir clung to Haldir and was grateful for his arm around his waist as he took a step. His legs felt stiff and a bit sore from lying in bed so much but Gods, it was actually rather nice to be vertical again. “You’d think I hurt my legs and not just hurt my shoulder as stiff as my legs are… I must be getting old,” he teased, “I do not recall feeling like this the last time I had to spend time in bed from an injury.” Though that injury had taken place when he was very young and taken a rather bad fall from a horse. “I think I had only been in bed for two weeks then,” he explained as they walked.

They finally made it to the window, and Haldir sat on the chair beneath it, settling Faramir in his lap so he could regain his strength and catch his breath. “Well, you are certainly aging well,” he laughed, doing one of things that seemed to have turned into his favorite tasks lately and tucking a lock of hair behind Faramir’s ear. “And tell me about what happened and why you were in bed for two weeks.”

Faramir smiled and took a relieved breath as Haldir pulled him into his lap. It touched him when the Elf tucked his hair behind his ear as he seemed to do often and smiled. “Oh… I was just a horrible child is all. It wasn’t the first time I spent time in the healing house in Gondor… I was a bit clumsy as a child… or always trying to do things I wasn’t quite big enough to do. Boromir was older and larger than me… and I looked up to him so much that I tried to do everything he did. Mimic him I suppose. That time… I had been thrown from a horse; I was around ten at the time. The horse was too big for me, I knew better… but Boromir could ride him, so naturally I thought I should be able to as well… if I hadn’t been injured I’m certain my father would have given me a good thrashing for it…” Faramir went on to explain the entire tale of breaking his arm and being knocked unconscious for several days. It was mealtime by the time Faramir finished his tale and they decided to eat right there next to the window.

Normally not one to ask, or even care about anyone’s history, Haldir found himself laughing and shaking his head over Faramir’s story. He didn’t even take the time to be embarrassed when their dinner was delivered, even though sitting with a fully grown Man in his lap might have made the other Elves fall over themselves wondering just who had bewitched him and how they had managed to make him smile. By the time they’d finished and simply talked for a while, enjoying the cool breeze, Faramir seemed to be too tired to even attempt walking back to the bed. Without asking, Haldir lifted him up again and carried him across the room. “We should call it an early night,” he said softly as he lay the exhausted young man down on the bed and smiled. “You look tired.”

Faramir had thoroughly enjoyed their meal and though it might have been strange sitting with Haldir the way he had, neither had made any mention of changing the situation. In fact, they stayed as they were even after dinner. When he yawned and Haldir picked him up, carrying him back to bed, Faramir smiled up at him. “Mmmm, I am tired… thank you, Haldir…” he whispered hoping the Elf realized he was thanking him for so much more than simply carrying him to bed. A part of him wanted to offer for Haldir to sleep next to him as he’d done before and he paused for only a moment. “If you are a bit tired too… you could join me again… to keep me warm.”

It was difficult to look away, Haldir thought, when those warm blue eyes were looking up at him like that. They had shared the bed while sleeping before, and after all, they had been together, and… well, there was no need for Faramir to be cold. He untied the robe he’d wrapped around Faramir’s shoulders earlier, helped him out of it and removed his own tunic. “I think you would heal faster if you were not cold,” he agreed as he slipped under the covers a bit stiffly, unsure of just how they would fit together. Normally, Haldir had just sat up in bed and watched over his charge, but that wasn’t very warm. “Get comfortable… I will… adapt.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir began to crawl into the bed with him. He wasn’t about to let the Elf know he wasn’t really all that cold. Instead he bit his lip and waited when the arrogant voice said ‘I will… adapt’. He snuggled closely, pleased that Haldir had removed his tunic this time, and rested his cheek against Haldir’s bare chest. “Is this all right?” he asked innocently as his body fit snug against Haldir’s side.

Haldir’s eyes widened as Faramir rested so closely against him, and it took him a moment to realize that the feeling wasn’t really so terrible after all. “I suppose it will do,” he whispered, relaxing as much as he could. All right, so maybe it wasn’t all that uncomfortable, but no one had to know that. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with his arms, so he kept them resting against the bed, not wanting to move… in case Faramir moved away and got cold, of course. “Good night Faramir.”

Faramir smiled and closed his eyes, feeling his exhausted body relaxing against the warmth of Haldir’s. “Good night, Haldir,” he whispered in return. Soon after he was asleep, snoring softly and his dreams were the most pleasant he’d had in quite some time. They were of Haldir, peaceful dreams of happiness, of skies that weren’t as dark as they had been of late, dreams of a place Faramir seemed to know but couldn’t recognize right away… dreams of himself being happy as well. Often he was never sure if his dreams were just dreams or visions but this… was too happy to be a vision. Wasn’t it?

Faramir was nice and comfortable and fit so well against him, Haldir relaxed just a bit more and finally fell into a deep sleep, somehow soothed by Faramir’s happy dreams. Just as he somehow allowed Faramir to heal more quickly when he was near, Faramir had that same effect on him, simply at a deeper level. When they were close like this, especially after their earlier intimacy, Haldir’s faer found a peace that it had never known before – one that Haldir himself wouldn’t even recognize. As soon as his breathing deepened and evened out, his arms wound around Faramir and pulled him closer, even in his sleep avoiding his injury and rubbing his back so as to soothe and not wake him. He had no idea of course, and his arms would be firmly back in place by morning, but for that night anyway, he slept deeply and dreamed of happiness as well.

Chapter 11

A few more days passed and Faramir grew even stronger, he was able to not only walk circles around their room without needing to cling to Haldir, he was actually feeling up to venturing outside it now. He missed the fresh air and sunlight, the one small window they had in the fortress was just not enough and Faramir suspected Haldir felt the same after living so many centuries surrounded by a lush forest. To be trapped there inside stone walls with no trees anywhere close couldn’t be easy for the Elf.

They were getting along as they usually did, small arguments once in a while but for the most part managing well and of course they were still sharing many kisses and a few other things, though Faramir thought that Haldir felt he was still not well enough to move to anything more intimate than what they’d already shared. At least he hoped that fear of aggravating his shoulder was the only reason Haldir hadn’t seemed interested in more.

Faramir was standing by the window when Haldir returned from a short meeting with the departing Elves. “Would you like to take a walk? Perhaps we can see off your brothers or at least… just get some fresh air? This window… just isn’t enough for me I’m afraid. I miss the sun and the sky,” Faramir said as Haldir walked in.

Haldir nodded agreeably and gazed toward the small window. “Fresh air sounds good,” he admitted. “I have no need to see Rúmil and Orophin off. They have their orders.” Despite Faramir’s grief over loosing Boromir, Haldir still didn’t understand that bond that had held the brothers together, and he certainly couldn’t picture himself in a relationship like that. As far as he was concerned, he was quite happy that Rúmil and Orophin were lovers – they kept each other occupied and out of Haldir’s way, which was just how it should be, in his opinion.

Reaching for two blankets since their cloaks were long gone, he wrapped one gently over Faramir’s shoulders and gestured toward the door. “Where would you like to go?”

“Out. Just out in the fresh air, I do not think I can stand being cooped up in this room any longer. How have you stood it? You are accustomed to the woods and being out in the open and not so confined… it is driving me mad and I grew up in a place similar to this with cold white marble everywhere. It is why I became a Ranger… I wanted to be away from those walls,” Faramir said, touched by the way Haldir wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. He felt much better than even two days before and was feeling energized for some reason… simply needing to walk. He knew that he was healing quickly… ready to leave for Gondor soon and a part of him wished it wasn’t the case because he did not want Haldir to leave him once they arrived there. He could only hope the trip itself would take longer than they anticipated.

“I have had little choice but to stand it,” Haldir shrugged, not even realizing how blunt he could be at times as he opened the door and kept one hand on Faramir’s lower back. “I was ordered to watch over you, remember? So I resigned myself to enjoying the fresh air only when you could.”

Faramir felt stung by Haldir’s words for only a moment, realizing that the Elf wasn’t blaming him, just simply stating facts as he saw them. Sometimes it was hard not to take his words at face value though but he was determined that nothing was going to ruin this, his first opportunity to get out of the room and actually roam a bit. “Well, for one resigned you seemed to have found other things to occupy us both in the meantime,” he grinned mischievously at the Elf beside him and was pleased when he saw his eyes darken just a little.

“It is not my fault I got stuck watching over the one Man on all of Arda who seems to have lips like honey and a mouth that is simply the most delicious thing I have tasted in all my years,” the Elf murmured, leaning down to whisper the words against Faramir’s ear. He pulled away quickly, so no one would think they were… well, a couple, but could see that he got his point across as Faramir’s face flushed a bit. “Besides that, it is the only thing we seem NOT to argue about.”

Feeling his face heat from Haldir’s words, Faramir’s heart seemed to skip in his chest and his stomach flutter as warm breath ghosted against his ear and Haldir’s words nearly melted him right at the Elf’s feet. His words made Faramir feel as if Haldir truly desired him and whenever he looked into those blue eyes he could see that desire there. “It is not the only thing… well… almost but we do not argue about everything, besides, who is to say I do not just start some arguments because I enjoy them?” Faramir teased as they walked. When they exited the hall into a larger room and made their way for the newly replaced gate of the great hall, Faramir could see that few were paying them any attention. In Rohan at least he wasn’t as besieged as he would be in Gondor with questions and well-wishers. Here he was almost anonymous.

“Oh, I have no doubt that you enjoy arguing,” Haldir nodded, looking around them and thinking that there were entirely too many people nearby. “I think you would argue with Sauron himself if you could get close enough, and I am actually rather surprised that you did not just rant at that orc that was supposed to kill me, rather than let him injure you instead. You certainly have no reservations about making your opinion known… much like me, I suppose. That must be why we are so…” He stopped, mentally rolled his eyes at himself and backtracked on that thought. “Why we argue so often.”

Faramir laughed at Haldir’s description of him. “I am augmentative? Me? Anyone who has always known me would disagree… I am quiet and bookish and rarely argue… you just seem to bring it out in me,” Faramir teased. “And I’ll have you know that it is a good thing it is not a cloudy day or I might just be struck by lightening.” His smile was bright as they passed through the gate and outside where the destruction had been so bad that night. He and Haldir had missed most of that, had missed the explosions that had taken down the outer walls. His smiled slipped away as they looked ahead of them. “Gods, if we had been on that wall… we would both be dead now,” Faramir murmured his mood darkening as he saw how scarred the ground and remaining walls were.

Haldir leaned against a stone that had been left standing and gazed across the horizon. “That was the plan,” he agreed. “I could be in the Halls of Mandos right now, had it not been for you.” He sighed and regarded Faramir seriously for a moment. “I still do not understand why you did what you did, Faramir. I doubt I ever will. Had you known me, had we been friends or lovers, maybe it would make more sense, but… you had never seen me before that day.”

Faramir looked back at Haldir when he spoke of death being the plan and sighed. “But I did… somehow… I wish I could explain it, Haldir. The things that I see… and feel are very… unusual. But somehow I knew that night; I knew I was supposed to save you. I dreamed it, I saw it… maybe one day you’ll be able to understand,” he said softly still not entirely understanding everything he’d dreamed and felt himself. Before he could say another word he heard his name called.

“Faramir! Is that you? Gods, I’d heard you had been injured badly… you look as if you are just fine to me!” Emil called as he walked up the slight slope and without missing a beat wrapping his arms around Faramir though hoping he was not squeezing too hard since he wasn’t sure where the other man was injured. “What are you doing here? Alone at that!? How did you ever get away from your men and of all people, Mablung, long enough to travel here?”

Faramir was so shocked that Emil remembered him, that he simply stood with his arms to his sides for a moment before using his good arm to pat Emil on the back. “I… I received a message from Gandalf… so I came,” he said only telling half of the truth. “I thought… Gods, forgive me, Haldir. Haldir, this is Emil an old friend of mine. Emil this is Haldir… my… my friend, he saved my life the night of the battle,” he said softly. It was true enough. Yes, he had saved Haldir but in turn Haldir had saved him.

Haldir didn’t like Emil on sight. He was very… friendly though, especially to Faramir. And he still had one arm around Faramir’s shoulders. Looking distinctly… unhappy, the Elf rested his hands on Faramir’s hips and pulled him aside and out of Emil’s embrace. “Actually he saved my life,” he amended, eying the other man warily and with no trace of friendship in his eyes or his voice at all. He didn’t want to cling to his lover, but this Emil had no right to manhandle him in such a manner! “He was almost killed saving me, and if you keep pawing at him like that, you will reopen his wound. Have you no manners at all?”

Faramir gaped for a moment as Haldir physically pulled him away from Emil. He recalled Haldir’s reaction that day with the healer and he was slightly startled by seeing Haldir yet again act so possessive of him. He offered a weak smile to Emil. “He… well… aye… we saved each other that night, I, him and ultimately when I probably should have died, he carried me to safety… at any rate… I am still healing,” he said trying to gloss over Haldir’s reaction and tone with softer words.

Emil raised an eyebrow at the way the Elf practically pulled Faramir away from him and nodded feeling he had already worn his welcome where Haldir was concerned. “And he is… just a friend? Because here in Rohan when you pull a man close that way… he is more than merely a friend or a shield brother,” he said looking at Faramir closely. He saw his friend’s cheeks color and thought he had the answer he needed then. “I see… well… I am glad to see you alive and well, Faramir. It was… interesting, Haldir,” he said leaning in to clasp arms with Faramir, a sign of goodbye and saw Haldir lean forward almost menacingly. “Perhaps… you should start wearing a sign, friend.”

Before Faramir could say a word more, Emil was turned on his heel and leaving and he could feel Haldir shaking with anger behind him. He had no idea if he should feel mortified or angry. “I cannot believe you were so rude,” he finally snapped. “Emil is a friend of mine, would you wish me to treat your fri… your archers so discourteously?”

Just like after the healer had insulted them, Haldir was ready to go after Emil as well. Faramir’s defense of the man stopped him short, however. “You would not dare speak to my archers in such a manner,” he snapped. “Nor would you find them practically trying to bed me in the middle of the city for everyone to see!” He glared at Faramir for a moment, then in the direction Emil had headed off in. Several perfectly innocent bystanders withered under his gaze and quickly made their way into the nearest building. “Maybe I should just have left the two of you alone rather than trying to… to keep him from hurting you! Would you have preferred that?”

Faramir did not recall having rolled his eyes at a person since he had become an adult, but he found himself doing it now. “Oh by the Valar, Haldir, he was not trying to bed me! Emil, if you must know, has no interest in men whatsoever! I’m afraid I am improperly equipped for him to wish to bed me,” Faramir snapped and pulled away from Haldir. “Are you going to be like this to every friend I have on our way to Gondor? I have friends, Haldir… and I do often hug them and I am always pleased to see them, especially in these dark times with so many being killed.” Faramir took a deep breath and tried to calm himself a little. “Have you never… in all your years had at least one friend? Someone… that you cared about? I know you do have a capacity for it, most of the time I enjoy your company immensely and not just… the kissing parts you know.”

Haldir’s face darkened and he looked positively murderous for a moment before Faramir’s reasonable tone of voice soothed him a bit. “First of all, I am only trying to protect you,” he growled, knowing full well that he said things he didn’t mean when he was angry, but being too stubborn to censor his words. Faramir was practically treating him like a jealous lover, which he wasn’t of course! He was merely trying to help and didn’t understand why Faramir couldn’t see as much. “I simply do not want all the time I have spent with you to be wasted when one of your so called friends rips open your wound. I was ordered to protect you and if I have to keep your rude, flirtatious, and salivating friends away from you to do that, then believe me, I will!” When Faramir simply gaped at him he lowered his voice a bit, but still looked furious. Crossing his arms over his chest, he turned away and fixed his gaze back on the horizon. “And no… there is no one I have ever cared about until… NO. There has never been anyone. I have had neither the time nor the patience for such nonsense.” When he finished, he bit his tongue hard, having only just caught himself before saying that he almost, in a way, kind of cared for Faramir in some odd, rather uncomfortable and irritating manner.

Faramir’s eyes darkened with anger too and he simply stared at Haldir, unable to believe his assessment of Emil as being rude, flirtatious, and salivating… what was he a piece of meat? Rather than blow up angrily as he felt like doing, Faramir took a deep breath, bit his lip and waited a few moments for Haldir to finish saying what he wanted to. When he said ‘no one I have ever cared about until… ‘ then stopped himself, Faramir softened then, hoping with a hope he should not have, that his next word was going to be ‘now’. He looked at the Elf who was determinedly not looking at him and took in his stiff posture and the way he closed in on himself with his arms folded across his chest. Faramir moved closer and looked up into blue eyes. “I do appreciate your protection… even if I do feel you are being unreasonable when it comes to a friend… let me ask you a question… had it been Gandalf who had hugged me… would you have reacted so… angrily? Honest answer, Haldir?”

The idea of Gandalf hugging Faramir didn’t make him angry at all, and Faramir knew it. Rather than answer straight away, Haldir sniffed and gave an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders. “Perhaps,” he said, knowing full well that he wasn’t being entirely truthful. His honor, buried under a few million layers of stubbornness wouldn’t allow him to lie completely, however. “Had he been a few thousand years younger and endangering your life as that… that Emile or Emerile or whoever he was, was doing, practically crushing the life from you before my very eyes… Aye. I might have reacted in much the same manner… You might not have noticed it, but I got the distinct feeling that he might possibly be against the race of Elves in general, and me in particular before I even opened my mouth.” The rather convoluted explanation wasn’t exactly the honest answer Faramir had hoped for, obviously, but it was as much as Haldir could admit to at the moment.

Faramir found his lips twitching upwards just a hint as Haldir practically babbled in answer. “Hmm, and this does not have anything at all to do with the fact that Emil happens to be of an age with me and quite a handsome man? Like the healer you thought was going to practically leap on me in my bed that day?” Faramir asked trying his best to keep things calm between them. “If I did not know any better… if I was not certain you were merely protecting me and hoping that Emil did not cause my shoulder any harm… I might… think you were jealous.”

Haldir’s mouth dropped open as he turned to Faramir and regarded him in silence for a moment. “You… he… JEALOUS?” Usually pale skin was now flushed with… something Haldir didn’t care to put his finger on that the moment, though he was hoping it had something to do with rage over a blatantly obvious fabrication that he actually cared enough to be jealous. Because… he certainly didn’t. He didn’t care at all. He was merely enjoying his… work. His mouth finally closed with a snap and he stood trembling with anger and studiously avoiding Faramir’s too-intense gaze. “He was not all that handsome anyway, and he was probably only wanting you out of the way so he could get his hands on me…” Apparently he had forgotten that he’d just said Emil hated Elves, especially him, but he was in too deep to backtrack now. “I think it is you who is jealous, Faramir. I have seen the way you practically throw yourself between me and every male who has his eye on me.”

Faramir tried desperately not to laugh and did manage to keep from cackling at the very least. “Aye, that must be it,” Faramir settled on. “It is I who is jealous. Aye… it explains everything,” he shrugged with his good shoulder and shook his head as he turned to continue down the path they had started on before they had stopped to take in the damage to the keep. “Well? Are you coming? I would not want me to get jealous again,” he couldn’t help the grin then and saw Haldir’s eyes narrow at him.

Haldir gritted his teeth in exasperation as he glared at his lover, but began walking as well. “I would not want you to get jealous again either,” he snarled, looking as offended as Elvenly possible. “You are quite unreasonable when you get that way.”

Faramir was almost shaking with silent laughter and bit his lip for a moment. “Aye, you are most likely right about that,” he answered finally with a grin and slipped his arm around Haldir’s. “I do not want to overdo it,” he said as an excuse as to why he’d taken Haldir’s arm that way, though he was feeling perfectly fine.

When they got to the edge of the wall where Faramir had first laid eyes on Haldir he smiled. “This was where I first saw you… when you entered the keep with your archers… do you know, I almost did not hear your words because I was staring at you so,” he said softly. He knew he would likely never live down the admission but it was the truth and Haldir was exceptional to look at.

Never having been one to partake in any public displays of affection, Haldir was surprised when Faramir took his arm, especially after their rather heated argument. It was, he figured, Faramir’s way of apologizing. He was surprised at the soft words, however, and remembered well that day when he had greeted Aragorn, Legolas and King Théoden so proudly. In his heart, he had been certain he was only a day – or hours – away from meeting his death, yet here he was, so many weeks later, still quite alive and… well, some Elves in his situation might even be happy. Not him of course, but some Elves. He hadn’t seen Faramir, he knew that much, for he was certain he would have remembered those eyes – those sincere, innocent and sparkling blue eyes that he now woke up to every morning, sometimes only moments after carefully disentangling himself from their owner and resuming the quite un-snugglish position he was sure he’d went to sleep in.

“I was only one Elf among hundreds,” he said after a moment. “You could have gazed at any of them… and saved any of them. Many of them had families – and friends and loved ones – to go home to. Instead, you almost died because of an Elf no one would miss had he died that day.” His free hand rested over Faramir’s for a moment and he frowned. “I know you have tried to explain it many times, but I think I shall… never understand your decision.”

Faramir smiled a little as they stopped walking and looked at Haldir for a moment, his eyes completely serious. “And this world or at least my world would be darker for having never known you… I know you will never understand and I will not ask you to,” Faramir said softly. “But I am… despite our arguments… very glad you are here with me now, mellonamin, very glad.”

For a moment, Haldir forgot where, and perhaps, who he was as Faramir spoke. He forgot his cold exterior, his lonely life, and even the dark years that lay ahead of him if he didn’t manage to die. For a moment, without even realizing or acknowledging it, he let Faramir in. In front of everyone, he lifted his free hand and rested it on the side of his lover’s neck and let their gazes lock. “Mellonamin,” he said softly, with a wondrous little smile. No. More than that. More than a friend. The thought startled him so thoroughly, he took a step backward, and shook his head, letting his hand drop back to his side. Turning quickly back toward the main tower, he hoped no one had seen his moment of weakness or vulnerability. “I… we should go inside before you tire yourself out,” he managed. “I am… a bit tired myself.”

Faramir was so surprised by the smile and the way Haldir spoke, the way the Elf touched him and looked into his eyes like that, that he found himself very disappointed when Haldir stepped away from him. Almost as if he had somehow burned the Elf. He swallowed hard, feeling a knot in the middle of his stomach curl into a hard fist there for a moment before Haldir spoke again. What were you thinking, Haldir? He wanted to ask it… wanted to blurt out more than what he should. If he wanted to drive the Elf away he would admit that what he felt was much more than mere friendship. Then he realized just how he might have seen Emil. He just called Haldir his friend. He had called Emil his friend. Gods, how stupid was he? If Faramir had a convenient wall just then he might just bang his head against it. Instead he offered a weak smile. “Aye… it is getting late in the day and this is the most I’ve walked… we should get back,” he agreed as they started back up the way they had come.

Chapter 12

The old healer sat back on the edge of the bed and shook his head. “I still cannot believe you healed so quickly, any other man with this sort of injury would likely still be bedridden… never seen anything like it before,” the old man said sighing. “You are free to travel back to Gondor… I would work myself up to using the arm more, you do not want to overdo it, but from what I see, you seem more than capable of riding and even using weapons.” The old man stood up and smiled. “Good luck to you, lord Faramir.”

The old man left and Faramir tugged his tunic back on and looked over at Haldir. “I suppose we can leave anytime you like,” he said, wishing he had taken longer to heal. His voice was not very enthusiastic about leaving as he looked up at Haldir. It would still take weeks to return to Gondor but they would return and Haldir would leave. He would go to seek his death in some battle and Faramir… wasn’t sure he could stand the idea of Haldir dying.

Haldir would be happy to leave Helm’s Deep, there was no denying that, but he wasn’t nearly as excited as he thought he might be when the healer spoke. “Aye… I think we could head out first thing in the morning if you feel you’re ready. I have already found us two of the finest horses available and we have nothing really to pack.” He looked around the small room and thought that as odd as it might seem, he was going to miss it. “I… I suppose this will be our last evening here.”

Faramir nodded and looked down. “Aye, in the morning sounds… fine,” he murmured and sighed heavily. He should be glad to return home, instead he was dreading it. Not only had he disobeyed his father, now he would return after having been gravely injured and his brother’s death… his father was going to be beside himself with anger. Faramir was surprised he had not already received a summons home to be truthful. “The trail between here and Gondor is mostly open road but I do not think that is a good idea, we would be at risk for attack too easily. Perhaps we should discuss a different route?” Faramir suggested trying to think of something other than what he was returning to.

A less direct route would take longer… but Haldir found he didn’t mind so much. He reasoned that it was his duty to keep Faramir safe, so staying as far from the main trails as possible was a sound idea. “Any other routes might be a bit more difficult on you,” he murmured, picturing the mountains that lay between their current position and Gondor. “But I think taking a bit longer to get there is a small price to pay for your safety.” As he spoke, he glanced at Faramir, wondering why he suddenly looked rather forlorn. “Are you in pain? You look… unhappy.”

“No, no pain,” Faramir said in answer and stood up. “I am just not looking forward to returning to Gondor is all. I… well… I am sort of… well… not supposed to be here,” he admitted. It had been bothering him for some time now but now that they were to return it was weighing heavily on his mind. “My father… he was not exactly keen on helping Rohan at all. We argued over it and… and that night I had a vision. It told me to come here, that I must come here and so… in the middle of the night I left. I fear my father is going to be furious with me, especially now that I’m sure Gandalf has relayed that I was injured and… and Boromir’s death,” he explained, not able to look at Haldir. What he had done was basically disobey a direct order from not only his father but his commander.

Haldir stared at Faramir for a moment in silence. “You… you came here against your commander’s orders?” The very idea was foreign to him. Never once had he ever disobeyed a direct order, and could never imagine doing so. Had any of those under his command disobeyed him, no matter what the reason, they would be punished severely. “Gods, Faramir you… came here because of another of your visions? I cannot understand how these visions or dreams or… whatever they are have such power over you.” Yes, he would punish anyone under his command, but, the idea of Faramir being punished in any way, no matter what the reason, made his heart ache. “I am to keep you safe, and that includes from your father. From what I have heard, the steward is… he has changed of late. I will not let a madman, no matter who he is, lay his hands on you… even though it does sound like you deserve it.”

Faramir frowned. “He is… under a great deal of pressure,” he said though Haldir’s words were more accurate than his own. His father had changed in the last year or so, his behavior, his attitude, everything… and he had become much more mean spirited in that time. Faramir had always thought that it was just the pressure of their constantly being threatened by Mordor but even in the last few months it seemed something more than that. “I did come here because of my visions, they would not let me rest. A voice kept telling me that my future was in Rohan, that I must come to Rohan… so I did. But I did disobey orders, whatever punishment he has for me I do deserve and I will take it… I know I was wrong but sometimes… most of the time with me anyway I must follow my visions. I have tried ignoring them and for a time I think I almost went mad because of it… I wish I could explain them better. I… I see things before they happen, I see things that should or could happen unless something is done to change them. It first happened as a child. I knew my mother would die before the healers did. And having this vision has saved my life and the lives of others countless times in battle. Just as it saved you.”

Haldir’s frown matched Faramir as he shook his head. He had no intention of letting Faramir be physically punished, especially after such a severe injury no matter what he said. He well knew what punishment was like, and a man who had just been so close to death had no business being on the receiving end of any more physical pain than he’d already been through over the past week. “Surely you did not come here just to save me. I will not even pretend to understand your visions, but are you certain whatever you were ‘sent’ here to do has been done? Would you know if it had not?”

Faramir smiled a little. “Aye, I would know. It… it was you all along. The moment I saw you enter the gates I knew then… and when we were in battle I saw the full vision, not just a part of it as before… and that is why I saved you. There is a reason you are still here, Haldir. I know you do not like it… but my visions are never wrong. So it stands to reason that you are the one who is important, not me. I am just the means to save you… apparently you are to be here for a reason,” Faramir answered as he poured himself a glass of water.

It had never occurred to Haldir that he had any purpose other than to guard Lothlórien and his Lord and Lady. After they sailed to Aman, he had known he would be useless, so he had honestly believed no one would really even notice he was gone. But here Faramir stood, telling him that he had some other purpose. He was more confused than ever, and not the type of Elf who enjoyed confusion. “You have missed something,” he said, though not harshly. “You have me mixed up with another Elf, or this is the one time your visions have misled you. There is nothing left for me to do on all of Arda except to die.”

Faramir took a sip of water and shook his head. “I am not wrong,” he said firmly. “There is apparently something left… then you can find this death you seek once it is over… maybe you are to die in some battle in some way? Gods, I do not have all the answers, the visions never tell me everything… usually just enough to annoy me really,” he laughed then and looked at Haldir for a moment. “I would not change it though,” he whispered. “I would not have met you and…” he smiled then, “and despite what you think of yourself and even the rest of the world… I am glad to know you, Haldir.” He fought against it every day, he cursed himself a fool for asking Haldir to kiss him that night… but he was falling in love with the Elf. Gods only knew why… he argued about everything, hated everyone it seemed… and was more arrogant than anyone Faramir had ever met… yet, he was falling in love with Haldir. The way he could be so irritating one moment and then so incredibly sweet the next… Faramir had no chance at all not to begin to lose his heart to the often-grumpy Elf.

Haldir shifted uncomfortably under Faramir’s gaze and turned to look out he window. “It has not been… entirely displeasing to know you either,” he consented, unwilling and unable to put more into any words. After a moment, he grinned and arched an eyebrow at his lover. “Maybe I was only supposed to live so that you could spend the rest of your life knowing you were the only man on Arda lucky enough to have one of my kisses bestowed on you. Well… now, actually, you have had many. I am quite certain you must be the envy of everyone in both Rohan and Gondor.”

Faramir laughed and set his cup back on the table before crossing the room. He stopped next to Haldir and smiled at him. “Hmm, anything is possible,” he teased with a light shrug of his shoulders. “So we are agreed, tomorrow we leave here, we take a less traveled road… but tonight… what shall we do to pass the time tonight?” he asked catching Haldir’s eyes with his own. “I am healed now and I have wondered… often in fact… if you would like to share more than merely kisses and touches as we have.”

He had given in only a little, still not comfortable with anything remotely like a public display of affection, but here, alone in this room with Faramir and no one else, Haldir didn’t even try to resist reaching out and resting his hand on his lover’s hip. Their gazes locked for long moments, then he nodded slowly. “I think I would like that very much indeed,” he murmured, pulling Faramir hard against him and wrapping one arm around his waist. “Though you might have to resign yourself to being quite sore tomorrow… and I do not mean in your shoulder.”

Faramir’s breath caught as Haldir pulled him close, his own arms wrapped around the Elf and he smiled. “I think I can manage… besides what a nice reason to be sore after all?” he whispered leaning closer and brushing his lips gently against Haldir’s. Just that tiny contact sent his senses reeling. Gods, he wasn’t sure what it was that Haldir did to him but Faramir was certainly not complaining.

Both hands slid down to cup and knead Faramir’s backside, then Haldir easily lifted his feet from the floor. He made his way to the bed without further comment, since his lips were fastened over his lover’s in a deep kiss even as they crossed the room. When they reached the side of the bed, he pulled away, already breathless and aroused. “Get undressed,” he murmured, setting Faramir down and tugging his tunic over his head.

Faramir’s legs easily wrapped around Haldir’s waist as he was lifted, though his mouth stayed firmly against soft Elven lips. Gods, he loved the way that Haldir kissed, loved the feeling of his body against his own. Faramir was already growing hard between them, just in the short time he was carried to the bed. When Haldir pulled away and told him to get undressed, Faramir wasted little time fulfilling the request. He stole glances at Haldir as he too rid himself of his clothes and smiled. “I love looking at you, I should not tell you such things because you are arrogant enough as it is… but Gods it is the truth,” he said softly as he scooted forward on the edge of the bed and pressed his lips against a firmly muscled stomach.

Haldir rested his hand on the back of Faramir’s neck and leaned forward, his breathing slightly harder as soft lips moved over his stomach. “It is not arrogance it if is true,” he murmured, lowering his lover back to the bed and straddling his thighs. He was hard as well, and as their arousals brushed together, he couldn’t stifle a low moan. As he spoke, he nipped lightly over the warm skin of Faramir’s neck; sucking gently and scraping his teeth over the marks he’d left there from their previous activities over the past few days. “I have never been with a Man before. I would guess you are more delicate than Elves, so I will try not to hurt you… but if I do, you must tell me.”

Faramir smiled against Haldir’s skin and then found himself looking up at Haldir as he straddled his body. A sharp breath was sucked in as their arousals brushed against one another and he arched his body upwards to increase the friction. He moaned when Haldir’s teeth grazed his sensitive skin and his hands roamed down to a perfect backside, squeezing and pulling him even closer. “You will not hurt me,” he whispered and looked at Haldir seriously. “Many things are uncertain in this world but that is one thing I feel certain of.” His lips sought out Haldir’s again, sucking on his tongue as he moved under his lover.

The words – both his own, and Faramir’s – sounded odd in Haldir’s mind. He had never even worried about hurting any lover before. Then he remembered his order – to protect Faramir and keep him safe, and decided that the part of him that was sworn to do his duty was simply still watching over Faramir. Settling between long legs, he reached over to the nightstand, slicked his arousal with oil from the lamp, then dipped his fingers in again to slick them as well. Already, he was aroused beyond the point of thinking, his balls full and heavy, his cock dripping against Faramir’s thigh. Slowly parting the globes of his lover’s backside, he wondered if the small entrance he found there could possibly accommodate him. Had he been with another Elf – a paid escort type of Elf, he would have simply thrust inside the tight passage, but this… this was no Elf, and this was no whore. “I think… I think I will have to stretch you,” he said softly, something else he had never taken the time to do with anyone else. His fingers ran over the puckered skin, leaving a slick trial of oil behind as he watched Faramir’s face closely. “Relax,” he murmured. “Just try and relax…”

Faramir spread his legs wider as Haldir settled between them and he found himself smiling up at his lover as he slicked himself. Arching his hips up a little, he nodded when Haldir said to relax. Though at the moment he felt anything but relaxed, not out of fear of pain but anticipation had his nerves jittering. Gods, he’d wanted to feel Haldir inside him for almost two weeks now, since that first day that Haldir had touched him during his bath. He licked his lips and concentrated on relaxing his muscles as he felt a slick finger move against him and delve slowly inside. Haldir was being exceedingly gentle with him, which was slightly unexpected. He supposed that the Elf might be more… impatient and it did nothing to help the softening of his heart toward the golden warrior even more.

Haldir’s arousal grew even harder as he watched his finger disappear into Faramir’s body. The ring of muscle was almost too tight, but after a few tentative thrusts, his finger began to move more easily into the passage, though he was having one of his few rare moments of self-doubt. He knew nothing of Men’s bodies, of preparing them. Judging from Faramir’s face, however, he wasn’t in any pain, so he simply continued, rather than let his concern show. Adding a second finger, he carefully pushed them both forward, then stopped hoping he wasn’t moving too quickly. He turned his hand clockwise, then counterclockwise, stretching both the inner and outer muscles; still worried that Faramir’s body might not be able to take him in completely.

Nearly panting as Haldir’s fingers delved inside him, Faramir arched his hips upwards a little more, driving them even deeper inside him. “Haldir… please… I am ready,” he whispered needing to feel his lover inside him. He looked up and saw a faint flicker of something in Haldir’s eyes but Faramir couldn’t be sure of what it was. Instead he pulled his knees up close to his chest, exposing himself completely to his lover. “Take me… I’ve wanted this for so long now,” he whispered.

Shivering with need and desire, Haldir nevertheless marveled that Faramir would leave himself so vulnerable, offering so much of himself. Pulling his hand away, he dipped his fingers in the oil once again and gave the now stretched opening another coating, then ran the tip of his erection from end to end, further slicking the small hole with his own juices. That was almost his undoing – it felt incredible, and obviously Faramir was ready so he saw no reason to keep holding back.

Slowly, he used his thumb to press the swollen head of his cock into Faramir’s entrance, moaning softly as he did so. Fighting the urge to thrust in completely, he simply shifted his hips, burying himself a little deeper with each thrust.

The feeling of Haldir’s warm flesh against him, made Faramir almost whimper with need. He’d did not recall wanting someone to take him quite like this. When his lover pressed forward, stretching him and molding his muscles around the thick flesh, Faramir moaned softly. He tipped his head back into the pillow and looked up at Haldir, his breath coming in short, shallow pants. “Gods,” he whispered as his body opened up to his lover, taking him in just a bit deeper with each thrust until Haldir was buried deep inside him, his heavy balls brushing against Faramir’s backside. He took several deep breaths to calm himself, and to relax around the thick cock buried inside him.

Haldir watched and stayed still as Faramir relaxed around him, gripping muscles releasing one by one, giving him a bit more freedom inside Faramir’s passage. His hands rested on pale thighs, holding both his lover’s legs, then pushing them aside as far as they could comfortably go, opening Faramir’s body up to him even more. His hips moved back, then he thrust forward hard, burying himself deeply in one smooth thrust. “By the Valar, Faramir, you are tight,” he panted, pulling back out and thrusting in again. He was afraid he was moving too fast, but couldn’t seem to stop, so he reached out and began stroking Faramir’s arousal to distract him from the pain if he was causing any.

Faramir moaned when Haldir pushed his legs aside, his body opening even more to his lover. Gods, no one had ever been buried that far inside him. Another low moan fell from his lips as Haldir began to move, pulling almost completely out before thrusting deep again and again. It was almost too much, almost painful but at the same time it was exactly what Faramir craved so much. His body jerked when Haldir’s hand wrapped around his aching arousal and his hips moved in little upward thrusts as his muscles clamped and released around him. “It has been… a while since…” his words trailed off as the head of his lover’s sex brushed against that bundle of nerves inside him. He cried out and hadn’t even realized he closed his eyes until he saw the stars sparkling behind closed lids.

It took Haldir a moment to pick his rhythm back up as he kept thrusting. Stroking his lover as he found his own pleasure felt odd, but the reaction he’d gained from Faramir as his fingers had closed around his arousal made him think that mastering the art of multi-tasking was going to be well worth it. Alternating deep thrusts with fast, shallow ones, he continued moving, taking his pleasure and using Faramir’s willing body, but finding that to his surprise, he was obviously giving Faramir great satisfaction as well by simply touching him and aiming for his sweet spot. He slowed and almost stopped when he sensed either of them was getting close, but all too soon, he passed the point of no return and lost his rhythm again. With no more warning than a low moan (for even during sex, Haldir was normally quite reserved), he felt his cock twitch, surge, and spill deep inside Faramir’s passage, breathless at the intensity of his orgasm and surprised that he had made any sound at all.

Haldir seemed to know exactly when Faramir was close to losing control and would slow or stop moving until the man was practically writhing beneath him. Gods, no one had ever seemed to just know what he needed. Most lovers were far too gentle or slow and while it was pleasurable with them it had never been like this. His entire body seemed in tune with Haldir’s and when his lover began to move faster Faramir could sense that Haldir was close. His body moved under Haldir’s and when he heard a low moan and felt the cock buried deep inside him swell even more, Faramir’s muscles contracted around him, his own body losing control, he cried out, his release spilling between them at almost the exact moment Haldir spilled inside him. It seemed to burn him from the inside out, the wonderful pleasure of being filled so completely, really taken as he’d wanted to be, seemed to make his orgasm last longer. He was completely spent, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “Gods,” he whispered breathlessly as he looked up at Haldir who actually seemed to look surprised for some reason. His legs lowered, wrapping around Haldir’s and holding him in place, wanting to still feel him buried deep within him for a few moments longer.

Haldir had just started to pull away as Faramir’s legs wound around him. Instead of moving, since he felt quite agreeable at the moment, he instead leaned forward and stayed buried inside the still spasming passage surrounding him. Sex with Faramir was… different than any sex he’d ever had before, though he couldn’t put his finger on exactly why. They seemed so in tune, so… connected. Which, of course, was impossible. Shaking his head, he tried to think of something to say as Faramir gazed up at him. He’d walked in on Rúmil and Orophin one day, and the image of Orophin’s hands moving over their brother’s body had, for some reason, stayed with him. Lifting one hand, Haldir patted his lover’s shoulder and smiled down at him. “I take it you enjoyed that as well?”

Faramir smiled at the question. “I think you are only asking an obvious question because you are fishing for a compliment,” he teased and reached up to caress Haldir’s chest slowly. “I did enjoy that… very much in fact,” he whispered and leaned up just a little to lick at Haldir’s neck. “And I am hoping that we will do that often… before we part ways,” he whispered the last words making his heart ache and he was glad that Haldir could not see his face.

Faramir’s hand moving over him was… nice. After a moment, the Elf decided he could definitely tolerate it. Mimicking his lover, he stopped the rather awkward patting of Faramir’s shoulder and let his hand move over his neck and arms, closing his eyes and murmuring softly as Faramir licked at his neck. His touch wasn’t as soothing as Faramir’s, still a bit hesitant and halting, but he was doing his best. “Aye,” he whispered, lowering himself on top of Faramir since long legs were still wrapped around him. “The journey will take some time. I think we shall have many opportunities to experience this.”

Faramir could tell that this was unusual for Haldir… then again the Elf had always paid for sexual favors so it was likely that by this time with others he would be dressed by now. The back of Faramir’s calf rubbed against the back of Haldir’s as he smiled. “Mmm, I would love many more opportunities then…” he whispered against his lover’s neck, pleased that Haldir had relaxed against him. “I do not think anyone has ever made me feel… so thoroughly taken before.”

Shifting so that he could reach between them, Haldir let his finger move gently over Faramir’s opening as it still encircled his slowly softening arousal. He wasn’t sure if it would help… and honestly wasn’t even sure why he was doing it, but he saw no reason to stop. “I told you, you might sore,” he teased, then suddenly turned serious. “Gods, did I hurt you? I mean really hurt you? I know sometimes sex is much slower and gentler, but… but I have never tried it like that.” As he spoke, he carefully slid from inside Faramir’s passage and kept massaging the now slightly gaping entrance, trying to judge, without moving away, if all he felt was oil and his own seed, rather than blood.

Faramir shuddered a little when Haldir touched his sensitive skin like that and was slightly disappointed when Haldir drew away from him. “No… no, Haldir, you did not hurt me… well at least not the way you mean. I… what pain I did feel was,” he blushed hotly, “pleasurable pain.” He was sore, this was true and riding tomorrow would be a little uncomfortable but not unbearable. He tipped Haldir’s face up to his own and pressed a quick kiss against his lips, touched that the Elf was so concerned. “And… as I said before any pain would simply be a good reminder… not a bad one.”

Haldir gave a tentative smile, startled at himself for even being worried over someone else’s pain. He felt a bit better as Faramir blushed, however, he still moved down the bed and pressed a kiss to his lover’s entrance. That much he remembered from seeing Elflings in Lothlórien running to their parents or siblings for comfort when they had been hurt. A press of lips over the injury seemed to always help tremendously… and he was, after all, responsible for Faramir’s pain and his safety. A bit of his release leaked out onto his lips, so he took an extra moment to lick the wrinkled skin clean, then moved to lie beside Faramir again. “I have heard kisses help,” he confided wisely. “Perhaps you will not be so very sore after all – either in a good or bad way.”

Faramir startled when Haldir moved down the bed and pressed his lips to him there. His eyes widened as he stared down at his lover, jumping when a warm tongue moved against him and feeling his body react to it all. His mouth was suddenly dry as Haldir spoke again and he swallowed hard. “I…” he did not know what to say and simply smiled at Haldir. The Elf was always surprising him it seemed and he snuggled against his lover. “Kisses do help… at least yours do… the night we met… when I asked you to kiss me… for just a short while as we were kissing I completely forgot the pain in my shoulder… I think I almost forget my own name when you kiss me.”

Rather than lay stiffly beside his lover as he normally did while he was awake, anyway, Haldir relented and put one arm over Faramir’s shoulder. He was so satiated by his orgasm, so relaxed and boneless, he couldn’t help but let his guard down just a bit. “You were almost dead that day,” he said softly. The memory made his heart ache, and try as he might, he couldn’t push that feeling away. “I have no idea how you survived. The healers say you should not have. I remember being so surprised that you wished for your last memory on Arda to be kissing a stranger, even one as enticing as myself.”

Faramir smiled and looked up at Haldir. “I just… I do not know why I asked, I think I wanted my last memory of this world to be something beautiful… especially after all the horror we had witnessed that night,” he whispered honestly. “I had no idea at the time that your kisses would… make me feel… more alive. They do… just your being near me makes me feel… stronger. Gandalf spoke of the magic of the Elves once… perhaps that is what he meant,” his voice trailed off softly then, “because I do find you magical.”

Unconsciously pulling Faramir a bit closer, Haldir smiled and shook his head. “Most who find me magical or desirable find me irritating and distant only a few moments later,” he teased, though there was more truth in his words than he would like to admit. “I must say, you have lasted longer than I ever imagined anyone would, though I cannot take credit for making you stronger. I wish I had that power, but I am merely a warrior, not a healer, or a wizard or a sorcerer. Though…” He grinned again, unable to completely shrug off the arrogance that had kept him isolated from everyone else for so long. “I am the best and fastest and most powerful warrior on Arda. I could have been known as a balrog-slayer had Glorfindel not beaten me to it. Now, at what is to be the end of my life, I am simply content to be the most desired.” When he finished, he tugged lightly at a lock of Faramir’s hair. “Aye, Faramir, you are a very lucky man indeed…”

Faramir’s lips twitched when Haldir said he had lasted longer than most and then he laughed when the Elf tugged at his hair. “You are irritating at times and distant too … but you would not be who you are if you were not,” Faramir said leaning up to look at Haldir seriously. “And I do count myself lucky… but do not think that means I will cease to argue with you… just because I very much enjoy your kisses and our other activities and that I do not mind your arrogance and bluntness at times… I will not always overlook it either. I am surprised that you do not find that more annoying. That I do not just… accept what you say sometimes,” Faramir asked looking into deep blue eyes.

“You simply do not know better,” Haldir shrugged, perfectly serious. “Men are not as wise as Elves and sometimes they speak before they know what they are saying. I do not overlook argumentative Elves, but I do understand that you are most definitely not an Elf… therefore I cannot hold your shortcomings against you.”

Faramir snorted. “Not wise? I see. Perhaps not,” Faramir said grinning. If anyone else had said something like that to him Faramir might have been insulted. He was quite intelligent in fact, intelligent enough that Gandalf had taken an interest in him even as a very small child and chosen to tutor him, himself. “I am after all… lying in bed with you… I must not be very wise at all.” He was grinning as he said the words though.

Haldir growled at his lover, though his eyes were sparkling with laughter as he did so. “Lying here in bed with me is most likely the wisest and most coveted position you are likely to ever be in.” He finally chuckled and relaxed a bit more back onto the bed. “You are an entertaining… and interesting companion,” he continued. “If I must be stuck with a man, I suppose I managed to get stuck with one of the least annoying ones… though if you would simply keep your sweet little mouth closed and agree with everything I say, you would be even less annoying.”

Faramir’s eyes widened at the growl, finding it… appealing actually and smiled brightly when Haldir chuckled. The Elf did not laugh nearly enough and he loved the sound of it. “Hmmm, well… you can wish for it, but I doubt it will be a wish that is granted,” Faramir teased and leaned up to press his lips to Haldir’s for a brief kiss. “But you can occupy my lips… anytime you like.” He was grinning and he felt his heart skip a little in his chest. You are doing it again… you are going to lose your heart to him. Though perhaps… he already had.

With a put-upon sigh, Haldir shifted on the bed so that he was lying beside Faramir and leaned down to lick at his lips. “Like everyone else on Arda who has kissed me, you are thoroughly addicted,” he declared. “I cannot say I blame you. And since you did almost die for me, I suppose I can spare a few more kisses…” Before Faramir could answer, Haldir indulged them both in one of their favorite pastimes, and spared quite a bit more than a ‘few’ kisses.

Faramir found himself looking up at Haldir as he leaned over him and before he could answer the cheeky Elf, his lips were caught in a sweet almost gentle kiss that quickly spun to much more. Gods, he really could live off those kisses. They made his heart dance in his chest and his entire body tingle each and every time their lips met. One would think his reaction would diminish over time but it had not, it had only grown stronger over the last weeks. When they finally drew apart again, Faramir was smiling. “It is getting late and we have an early start in the morning… will you stay in this bed?” he asked. They still did not always share a bed; sometimes Haldir would stay for a while and then retreat to the other bed. Sometimes he would stay the entire night and tonight… Faramir very much wanted him to stay.

Haldir placed one hand on Faramir’s forehead and frowned. “You do not feel like you have a fever, but aye, if you are cold again, I will stay here,” he agreed. He stifled a yawn and slid even further down in the bed, finding it – and having Faramir snuggled against him – rather comfortable, a fact he never got over being surprised at. He wasn’t exactly snuggling back, but neither was he lying rigidly in bed as he had during their first nights together either. “I… am glad you have healed so quickly, Faramir,” he said rather tentatively. “It was… unpleasant to see you so gravely ill.”

Faramir almost smiled when Haldir said he did not feel like he had a fever. He snuggled down in the bed with the Elf and rested his head against his chest as he often did, pleased that Haldir didn’t seem as uncomfortable as he normally did. He smiled when Haldir spoke again and looked up at him. “I am glad to be back to my old self again… and very glad I was well enough for what happened tonight… I admit I had craved feeling you inside me that way,” he whispered.

“Of course you did,” Haldir murmured, smiling as the sweet scent of Faramir’s hair drifted up toward him. “And I cannot say I had not fantasized about sharing that with you as well. It was well worth the wait.”

Laughing softly, Faramir nodded. “Well worth it,” he agreed and rested his head back against Haldir’s chest. “Sweet dreams, Haldir,” he whispered as exhaustion started to set in on him. His body was relaxed and warm and he loved the fact they were laying skin to skin under the thin covers… it seemed to make him relax even more.

“Sweet dreams to you as well,” Haldir murmured, closing his eyes and letting the sounds of Faramir’s deep, even breathing lull him to sleep. A tiny voice in the back of his mind warned him that he was going to miss Faramir terribly when he left Gondor, but a deeper, more familiar voice overrode it, advising Haldir to just take what he wanted from the young man for now, and forget him the moment they reached Gondor. This voice, a voice buried deep in his past, was the one that had guided him for many of his years, the one he was more comfortable with, the one he always listened to. As he drifted off to sleep, that voice drowned out the other, smaller one completely.

Chapter 13

The next several weeks were spent traveling from Rohan to Gondor along the lesser used paths and trails. The first week or so, Faramir was so exhausted by the end of each days travel he practically fell asleep sitting at the campfire. So he and Haldir had not been intimate during that time, though they did share more than a few kisses, it wasn’t until Faramir’s strength had rebuilt enough that he wasn’t so tired that they spent some nights doing much more than sleeping. The next day was somewhat uncomfortable for the young man but as he’d told Haldir, what a nice reason to be uncomfortable.

When they began to get closer to Minas Tirith, Faramir began to worry; both about what his punishment would be for disobeying an order and about Haldir leaving him to go seek his death in battle. The thing that worried him most was his feelings for Haldir. If the Elf left only to die, Faramir was unsure how he would survive that. He had been falling in love with the Elf since the moment he’d laid eyes on him, he supposed and now… now that they’d made love or… at least in Faramir’s estimation it could be called that, it was even more difficult for him to imagine the Elf leaving. There were a few points where he actually considered throwing himself off his horse. Oh nothing drastic and only when they were along the edge of a cliff that he knew wasn’t horribly steep, all to have the excuse that he still needed Haldir. But likely the Elf would say there were plenty of healers in Minas Tirith and leave him anyway. His orders were not to stay longer than that.

So while the White City was in sight, Faramir felt any good humor slip away from him. When they passed the city gates and the guards heralded his return, Faramir merely smiled for effect. The seven rings of the city never seemed so long before to Faramir as they rode upwards to the citadel. Many people stopped what they were doing to bow their heads in respect for him and for his loss. Some stared at Haldir beside him but most bowed their heads as they passed as if grateful at least one of the Steward’s sons had returned.

“I feel as if we are riding in a funeral procession,” he murmured to Haldir beside him.

Sitting tall and proud on his horse, Haldir felt the same sadness settling on the shoulders of everyone they passed. It was obvious, however that Faramir was well thought of, and though he ignored the men and women lining the roads, he nevertheless felt proud that they paid his lover such respect. “I think they are glad to have you back, safe and sound,” he said softly. He was already planning on leaving the city the first thing the next morning, so he saw no point in even trying to be civil to anyone. As he stole a look at the man beside him however, he frowned and slowed his mount. “Though… you do not look overly thrilled to be home. It is because your brother is not here or is there something else?”

“I am not particularly looking forward with meeting my father today… not just because I disobeyed him… that at least I have done before… but… Boromir was his… his favorite I suppose is the best way to say it. He was the oldest and was very close to father… I am not looking forward to seeing how much my brother’s death may have hurt him. And…” he paused and looked at Haldir for a long moment unsure if he should say the rest. It was no secret between them what Haldir’s plans were and… no secret that Faramir did not agree with them. “And I am not looking forward to you leaving… I think… I think that is most of it really.” He stopped then not wanting to say anything more that would make him sound like a lovesick fool, though he wanted to say much.

Haldir wondered how Faramir’s father could have a son he valued more than Faramir. Before he could ask, however, his lover continued, making Haldir stop his horse dead in it’s tracks. He hadn’t even really come to terms with it himself, but he was going to miss Faramir… it wasn’t until this very moment he understood that Faramir was going to miss him too. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why, though. “I… Faramir, I…” He looked completely bewildered for a moment, thankful that no one was close enough to hear them. “You will find another lover, if that is what worries you. I was only joking when I said no one else would please you as a lover after you had been with me. I’m sure you will find someone as good – or almost as good…”

Faramir stopped his horse as well and smiled slightly at Haldir. “No… that is not what worries me… and I hate to feed your ego but I highly doubt I’ll find someone I… enjoy being with so much,” he said softly. He looked away after a moment and began moving again. “I cannot help but wish you would find a reason not to leave tomorrow though…” he added as they climbed the last cobblestone street to the citadel. Before Haldir could answer, Faramir saw his father standing at the top of the steps, his dark robes fluttering in the breeze and could see a deep frown marring his face. A face that not so many years ago smiled often, though not anymore.

Faramir dismounted and walked with Haldir toward the dark figure on the steps. “Father,” he said offering a small smile.

Denethor didn’t turn to look at his son, and if he heard Faramir speaking, he gave no sign of it. Instead, he stared off into the distance, muttering to himself and worrying the edges of his robe with his fingers. One of his guards, who was standing just behind him, took pity on Faramir and moved closer to Denethor, whispering something softly against his ear. After a moment of confusion, the steward blinked and slowly turned his gaze toward his son. “You may address me as Lord Denethor, or my Lord, or my Lord Steward. But do not call me Father. I have no sons.” His words betrayed him, letting everyone present know he’d heard himself being addressed, but even those closest to him, would never have known the distance. Denethor was lost in a madness of his own making…and no one in Gondor knew how to help him.

Faramir looked at his father strangely, not understanding why he had not even looked at him when he spoke and then when his father did look at him, he felt as if he’d been punched. He recoiled slightly and stared in disbelief for a moment. “I am your son, Faramir,” he said softly trying to understand what was wrong. “I… I am sorry that I left the way I did, but I have returned. I… what did Gandalf tell you? Surely he told you I was alive?” Faramir was as confused as he could possibly be and searched his father’s face for some sign that he recognized him at least.

Haldir, seeing the confusion on Faramir’s face and hearing the pain in his voice moved closer and though he didn’t reach out to touch him, he tried to at least let him know that he was there. “He is confused, Faramir,” the Elf whispered. “Look at his eyes. They look… unnatural.”

The very eyes Haldir spoke of narrowed as they took in the blond creature behind Faramir and his hands clenched into fists. He no longer knew friend from enemy and reached inside his robe for a small dagger. “You, boy… you captured this Elf? Why are his hands free? And why on all of Arda are you staring at me like that? Take your prisoner to the barracks and get out of my sight. I do not have time for your endless babbling and requests. I am waiting for someone… someone very important.”

Faramir stumbled backwards, automatically throwing his arms out in a gesture of protection to Haldir behind him. “He is no prisoner! We are not at war with Elves,” he snapped quickly and was relieved when one of the guards moved forward and wrested the dagger from his father’s fingers. Faramir stared at him, blinking away tears that gathered quickly in his eyes. His father truly had lost all touch with reality.

“He grows worse this time of day… you might try again… tomorrow,” the guard said as he secured the dagger and pulled the Steward back up the steps. “Seek out Gandalf, he is here in the citadel and might be able to explain.”

“He does not even know me,” Faramir whispered as he turned to look at Haldir who seemed almost as shocked as he was by the display.

Haldir couldn’t help but notice how Faramir, for the second time, was ready to protect him without thought for this own safety. Denethor, who did not even know his own son, could easily have slain him in his effort to kill the Elf he apparently thought was his sworn enemy. “Perhaps he is only ill,” he suggested, noticing how all eyes were on them, but quickly looked away as he lifted his gaze. Gods, he hated seeing Faramir this upset, and he didn’t even understand why it bothered him so much. They were merely lovers – nothing more and nothing less. … Weren’t they? “Come, let us clean up a bit and go find Gandalf. Perhaps he can explain.” As he spoke, he offered his hand to Faramir – the first time he had ever made such a gesture. It was the only way he knew how to coax Faramir away from prying eyes and the whispers that had already begun.

Faramir was so shaken that Haldir’s hand offered before him was like a lifeline and he clung to it, his eyes blurred with tears. “I just do not understand… he… he was fine when I left… well… not fine but… but not like this. He… he did not even recognize me. I knew he would take Boromir’s death hard but… I never imagined this. I… I had thought he would rant and rave and possibly order me to be flogged a few times for disobeying him… Gods, I would gladly take a lashing over this,” he was practically babbling as he clung to Haldir’s hand and they walked away. Faramir turned them in the direction of his rooms but was hardly paying attention to anything around them.

Unsure of what to say or how to calm Faramir, Haldir simply let him talk as they walked down the long hallways to where he assumed Faramir’s chambers lay. “You are not taking a lashing,” he finally cut in, “and we will find out what is wrong with him. Surely it is something we can fix… and things will go back to normal for your father… and yourself.”

Faramir looked up, slightly startled by the firmness of Haldir’s words about him not taking a lashing and then the words ‘we can fix’ confused him. “We? But… but you are leaving tomorrow…” Faramir said as they stopped before his chamber. There were guards posted there and he frowned. “What is this?”

“The Steward posted us here to keep even the maids out of your chambers, he did not want anything touched or even cleaned while you were… gone,” the guard said carefully.

“As you can see I am back… I do not need guards,” Faramir said frowning deeper when the guards did not move. “I said, I do not need guards.”

“We… hesitate to let even you inside or to leave without your father’s orders. I… am sorry but… I am afraid it would only serve to upset him.”

Faramir gaped at the guard he’d known for years and sighed heavily. “Fine… I will go to one of the guest chambers,” he sighed heavily and looked at Haldir beside him sadly. “This is not the return home I had thought it would be.”

Haldir tried not to glare outright at the guard who was upsetting Faramir even more, but failed miserably. Still, he thought, it would serve no purpose to make the already troubled steward even worse within moments of arriving in Gondor, especially not if they were going to get to the bottom of whatever was making him act so oddly. “I know,” he said, patting Faramir on the shoulder and giving the guard one final glare. “Show me the guest rooms. We can clean up there while we figure out a way to make your father better. As for my leaving tomorrow… I think I will stay until this is settled. I was ordered to keep you safe and deliver you to Gondor. Just because I delivered you to Gondor, however, does not mean you are safe yet.”

Faramir looked up at Haldir as they began to walk again. “But… Gods… you do not think?” his words trailed off as he looked seriously at his lover, thrilled when the words sunk in that Haldir was staying. If he weren’t so worried and confused he would have probably broken out in a huge smile, instead he simply looked at Haldir for a stunned moment. “You do not think he would… would do anything to hurt me? That dagger…” Faramir trailed off unable to really decide himself if his father would have actually used it. When they reached one of the guest rooms, Faramir pushed open the door and sighed heavily as they stepped into the room.

“We need to get one thing straight,” Haldir said a bit more firmly than he meant to as he followed Faramir into the room and shut the door behind him. “You must stop putting yourself between me and whatever fate awaits me. Your father was not in his right mind, and had he attacked me, you could have been killed.” The very thought made him almost sick, and as he placed his hands on Faramir’s shoulders and turned the young man to face him, he didn’t know if he was angry or just guilty that this Ranger thought he, an Elf needed such protection. “Your people need you, Faramir. When someone needs you, you should never be cavalier with your life.”

Faramir frowned when Haldir spoke to him that way and when the Elf grabbed his arms to turn him like he did, he almost jerked away. He felt scolded, like a small child and on top of everything else he was feeling at the moment it was not helping matters. “I was not… I did… it was just a reaction, I did not even think before I did it. I know you are capable of protecting yourself, it was just… it happened so fast,” he said struggling for words, none of them remotely what he felt in that single moment. The only thing he had felt when he had seen the dagger and his father come at them was protecting Haldir… because… he loved him. The realization that he was no longer falling in love but in love with the Elf was enough to almost break him then. Biting his lip, he shook his head and finally jerked away from Haldir’s grasp. “I am sorry.” Though his words sounded anything but as he walked over to the fireplace and put his hands on the mantle, hanging his head and closing his eyes. You truly are a fool, Faramir.

Haldir’s hands fell to his side and he silently cursed himself for making Faramir feel worse. Gods, he would never understand all these emotions or how to deal with them! “Faramir, I just…” He sighed, crossed the room and stopped just behind his lover. “I did not mean to make you feel worse. I just… I do not want you to put a life that has meaning before one that is going to end soon anyway. And… besides…” His words trailed off and he looked away, actually wanting to touch Faramir, but not knowing if he should, or even how to do it correctly at any rate. “I did not like seeing you hurt. It… it upsets me for some reason I cannot even begin to explain. If I am to help you get to the bottom of your father’s illness, then I think we should both be as calm and rational as possible… do you not agree?”

Faramir looked up from berating himself for falling in love with an Elf who did not wish to even be alive in a few days time. When he turned to look at Haldir though, he saw such… compassion that it almost took his breath away. Haldir was truly trying to help, and he knew how foreign this all was to the Elf. Touched beyond words from his admission of not liking seeing him hurt or understanding the feeling, Faramir reached out and curled his fingers around his lover’s hand. “You are right… and… you did not make me feel worse, not really. I do not think I could bear this right now if I did not have you here with me,” he admitted and moved closer. He knew Haldir was not the ‘hugging’ sort of Elf but that did not mean Faramir could not hug him did it? So he wrapped his arms around his lover and rested his head against his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered blinking away the tears that were still threatening to fall.

Haldir stiffened momentarily as Faramir’s arms wrapped around him. “You are a good man, Faramir,” he said, finally realizing that he should return the hug. “You should not know such unhappiness.” His own arms moved to rest over his lover’s shoulders and he looked down at the handsome face resting against him. Blue eyes were once again blurred with tears, and Haldir fought the urge to simply untangle himself and leave the room at once. He remembered, however, Gandalf’s instructions and, leaving one arm around Faramir’s shoulders, he reached down and took his hand with the other, then kissed him soundly. “There… you cannot cry when I do all the things I am supposed to do. So… I would ask you to just STOP right now, Faramir. In fact I demand it.”

Feeling Haldir’s arms wrap around him, brought a small smile to Faramir’s lips and then it seemed suddenly his lips were captured in a sweet kiss that was so deep it practically made his toes curl. Breathless when Haldir drew away, he laughed softly even as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek. “I am sorry, Haldir. I know this… unsettles you,” he smiled and took a deep breath. “This does help… you holding me… more than you could possibly know,” he whispered, pulling Haldir even tighter against him. Gods, how could this have happened? How could he have returned home to his father behaving this way? How could he have fallen in love with an Elf who wished for nothing more than to die as soon as he got the chance to leave? He never truly understood his visions but most had a point or some reason for them but now he doubted himself, doubted following his heart… doubted everything. “We should get changed and go seek out Gandalf… I need to know what is going on with my father… and what I need to do.”

Haldir started to release Faramir, but at the last moment, came up with what he considered a brilliant idea. Keeping Faramir’s hand held firmly in his own, he led him over to the fireplace and gestured toward the logs and twigs that were just waiting to be lit. “Yes, your tears do unsettle me quite a bit,” he agreed matter-of-factly. “However, if my holding you truly helps, then I do not mind. You look exhausted, Faramir. I could make us a fire while you clean off, then we can sit here until after dinner. Gandalf will not be going anywhere, and though I know you are anxious to know what has happened, I think you are on the verge of overdoing yourself. I will even sit here and hold you until you feel better if you promise not to squirm too much.”

Faramir looked up, slightly surprised as Haldir pulled away but didn’t release his hand. He looked down at the waiting kindling and back up at Haldir. “It does help and… I am tired,” he admitted and sighed. “I will not take long,” he said leaning over and brushing his lips sweetly against Haldir’s before moving over to the bed and picked up a robe that had been left there for whatever guests took the room. He slipped into the bathing chamber and quickly cleaned himself. His shoulder was completely healed now but it seemed to ache, perhaps because he was so tired? He pulled on the robe and when he walked back into the other room, Haldir was sitting on the soft rug before a now blazing fire. “You look comfortable,” he commented as he settled on his knees next to him.

Oddly enough, Haldir found that he felt almost… lonely while Faramir was gone. Almost. Shaking his head at himself, he smiled up at his lover and nodded. “Aye, it is a most comfortable rug, and the fire is quite warm. I am still worried about your wound, so I sent one of the servants with instructions to bring us dinner in an hour and to bring us Gandalf shortly thereafter. The girl looked a bit concerned about taking orders from an Elf, but did as she was told. This way, at least, you will not have to change clothes again, nor will we have to hunt Gandalf. Let him do the hunting this time.”

Faramir almost laughed when Haldir spoke of the maid, imagining that it wasn’t the fact Haldir was an Elf giving her orders but the manner in which they were given. Faramir’s shoulder bore a scar but he was fine, he ached a bit sometimes and grew tired more easily but he did not say anything. If Haldir was willing to actually hold him in front of the fireplace and make him feel taken care of, Faramir certainly wasn’t going to complain. Leaning close he brushed his lips gently against Haldir’s and smiled. “Thank you, Haldir,” he whispered.

Haldir looked vaguely bewildered by the sweet kiss, uncertain of what, exactly, he’d done to deserve either it or a thank you. “There is no need to thank me,” he said, though the kiss gave him a rather odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. “It is the least I can do. Besides, if you cannot go to your room tonight, I suppose you will have to stay here with me. I prefer you rested and calm, rather than crying and exhausted, so this works out well for us both.” In truth, he enjoyed holding Faramir – he simply never thought of it until Faramir brought it up. And while he didn’t – and likely never would – understand how his arms could bring comfort, there was no denying that Faramir always seemed to enjoy the feeling of being held when he was upset. It was far from an unpleasant task, and the least he could do, Haldir decided.

Faramir smiled and scooted closer, resting his head against Haldir’s shoulder. “It does help, I hope Gandalf has some answers because I just cannot understand why my father did not even recognize me. He… he acted as if I was just another guard or soldier,” Faramir sighed as he stared into the flames. “I knew losing Boromir would be hard for him, it is hard for me too. I have to admit though… I am glad you are staying at least… at least until this is all straightened out. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

Every time Haldir put his arms around Faramir, they seemed to fit a bit better, and this time was no exception. While he wasn’t exactly comfortable holding anyone, he could think of far worse fates to suffer. Still… it felt odd that Faramir wanted him to stay. If their positions had been reversed, Haldir would have wanted everyone as far away as possible while he dealt with everything, but, of course, it wasn’t like anyone would offer to help anyway. “I was ordered to keep you safe,” he shrugged. “And I cannot leave until I feel you are no longer in danger… even if that danger is from your own father.” He too stared into the flames for a moment and sighed. “Was he acting normally when you left Gondor, or had this darkness already touched him?”

Faramir frowned when Haldir spoke of protecting him from his father. “He has not acted normally in about a year, perhaps more but nothing like this. He was perfectly rational before I left, angry all the time and extremely difficult but… not completely out of touch with reality. At one time he was a man who enjoyed laughing but in the last year especially I do not believe I’ve heard him truly laugh once. He had moments where he would grow silent, even at the dinner table, and then suddenly his mood would shift abruptly from either happy to sad or even sad to oddly too happy. That night when I left, we had argued about aiding Rohan and he had dismissed me the way he has the last few months. Basically telling me to go away… it had grown so that I really did not know when I had done something to irritate him because sometimes it seemed just breathing did…”

Haldir’s brow furrowed as he pictured Denethor ‘dismissing’ Faramir. “Well, you irritate me constantly, but I do not make you leave,” he stated, again not realizing just how rude he could truly be. “I know he is your father, and I know you are a grown man who can defend himself, but I am not going to stand quietly aside and let him disrespect you. You are the bravest, most selfless man I know, and should be treated as such.”

Faramir laughed softly and looked up at Haldir. “No, you just argue back,” he grinned, enjoying the fact that Haldir had given him something to smile about, even if he hadn’t really meant to. His smiled widened as Haldir went on truly appreciating his words and the sentiment behind them. “I just never know how to react to him is all… others I can but… all I’ve ever wanted to do is please him and lately it seems nothing I do can ever please him… especially now. He doesn’t even know I am here. Surely Gandalf told him I was alive… Gods… maybe he should not have told him I was injured?”

“I am sure Gandalf would have held back the information, had he thought it best,” Haldir murmured. “I do not trust many people, but I do trust him and his judgment has seldom been wrong. I hope he can tell us what has happened, but if not… perhaps you should speak to someone about having your father replaced as steward of the city.” Haldir had never been close to his father, and had no idea how difficult such a suggestion could be on everyone involved, but it made perfect sense to him. If Denethor could not run the city, then someone who could should replace him.

Chapter 14

Faramir had been so caught up in his worries about his father he had not considered that Gondor had no leader right now. The only person in line for the stewardship was… himself. He blinked and looked at Haldir for a moment. “I… it would… well technically it would be me… but I was never really groomed for the role much, I suppose father was so confident in Boromir’s abilities that… he never considered needing me to fulfill the role. Gods, I know what should be done but… I am not sure I can do it.” It was true, Faramir had never even considered stepping into the role of steward before but now someone had to do it, didn’t they? He could not allow certain members of the council to hold sway over the city, that much he knew. Gondor would certainly fall if those greedy men were to run the city.

Haldir toyed idly with Faramir’s hair as he spoke, then nodded. “I have seen the strength and honor you possess. Gondor would be lucky to have you as their steward,” he said softly. “If you like, I can tell him, or speak to him at the very least, or… something. The war is not ending anytime soon, I think, so I can spend a few days – or even weeks here. There are not many Elves left in Lothlórien, so it is not like I am needed anywhere in particular. I will be glad to postpone my death and help you.”

It sounded so strange. Glad to postpone my death… Faramir smiled a little though. “Thank you… I… do not think it would help for you to speak to him… you saw his reaction to you today. I will have to do it, I am no coward but I admit this does scare me… I’m a ranger not a steward… but I do know what has to be done,” he sighed heavily and rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder. “Thank you for staying, Haldir.” He closed his eyes against the next thoughts. I love you… I do not know how I will manage when you do leave.

The golden Elf tried not to stare at Faramir as his eyes closed and his head rested against him, but he couldn’t help it. His fingers almost went from combing though his lover’s hair to caressing his face, though Haldir stopped himself before he did that. A part of him longed to soothe away the frown and the worry lines that had appeared but he didn’t know how… besides such a gesture was for someone in a real relationship, not just sharing physical pleasure. The hand dropped away and as Haldir got comfortable, he managed to unconsciously pull Faramir closer against him. “You are welcome,” he whispered softly, curling his fingers in the soft material of Faramir’s tunic so they wouldn’t betray him. “Now rest. Dinner will be here shortly, then Gandalf will follow thereafter.”

Faramir sighed as Haldir pulled him closer and he simply clung to the Elf. His heart was heavy both because of Boromir’s death and his father’s… illness or whatever it was but even though it was only temporary, at least he had Haldir. Gods, I already depend on him for so very much… and yet he still wishes to leave and seek a death that I do not understand. Faramir wondered yet again what drove Haldir to that decision and he wondered how it was that the Elf who was so kind to him did not have friends before now. Faramir tried to stop thinking though, tried to simply relax as they waited for dinner and at some point he had drifted off to sleep.

Haldir had not yet admitted that he was beginning to think his death could wait a while longer… years, or decades even longer. He hadn’t come to terms with that at all, and a part of him probably never would. Frowning and wishing he knew what was going on in Faramir’s head, he stared into the flames for close to an hour, lost in thoughts he didn’t want to acknowledge… or even have in the first place.

Faramir was startled awake when someone knocked on the door and he realized it must be dinner that Haldir had asked for. He sat up and smiled sleepily at Haldir who had sat patiently while he’d slept. “I am sorry I fell asleep on you,” he said softly, a little embarrassed. He did not like to admit it but ever since his injury he had tired more easily than before.

Haldir grinned and shrugged as he carefully untangled himself from Faramir and stood. “I am getting quite used to it,” he shrugged, crossing the room and opening the door. He took the tray from the servant, then almost slammed the door in her face. It took him a moment to remember that he was a guest here. “Oh… I… er… thank you?” he managed, knowing that blue eyes regarded him quietly from before the warmth of the fireplace. He felt like he should say something more, but wasn’t sure what. “You will pick this up in half an hour. We are expecting a guest and bring some extra blankets when you do. Faramir will apparently be sleeping here tonight. Good evening.” He was quite civil, he thought to himself – much, much more so than normal, and didn’t even recognize the fact that he hadn’t said please, or even used a halfway kind word.

Faramir sat watching Haldir as he opened the door and took the tray from the young maid. She seemed positively terrified of him but Faramir offered a soft smile to the girl, trying not to laugh at Haldir’s attempt to be at least somewhat civil. “Do you ever worry some servant will poison you?” Faramir asked in amusement as Haldir returned to set the tray on the table. He got up himself and walked over to look at what had been brought. He couldn’t help teasing Haldir and it took his mind off his own troubles to poke at his lover. He wasn’t really trying to argue, only to tease him. “Have you ever even said the word ‘please’ in your life?”

“Poison me?” Haldir arched an eyebrow as he lifted the lid from each tray and wrinkled his nose at some of the food. “They would not dare. Besides, there wasn’t time to say please… she was awaiting her orders. I was very kind to that little girl though, in case you missed it. I even told her to have a good evening. She seemed a bit… smitten, don’t you think?”

Faramir’s eyebrow rose and he laughed a little. “She was… certainly in awe I’d say,” Faramir settled on and smiled. “And I did see you said thank you and you wished her a good evening… I have to admit I was a little surprised, most of the servants in Rohan got little more than the door closed in their face.” Faramir could remember the day that he had asked for a glass of water and Haldir had frightened the servants in the hall so badly they had thrust no less than five glasses at the Elf. “I think our servants here will grow used to you,” he said not thinking that Haldir would likely be gone before that could happen. He sat down at the table and saw that Haldir eyed the tray again. “I really do not think they would poison you… because… they’d run the risk of poisoning me too,” he teased.

Haldir, thinking that he had been exceptionally kind to the girl, was now worried that she might be quite lovesick over him for the rest of his stay. It happened quite often, even when he wasn’t trying to be kind. Faramir’s words brought a smile his face however, and he picked up a particularly unappetizing piece of wilted fruit, holding it up and inspecting it disdainfully. “Were you unpleasant to them before you left enough so that poisoning might just be an option?” Sadly, he was perfectly serious.

Faramir laughed and shook his head. “Those are just out of season here…” he said though he figured the way Haldir issued ‘orders’ even to servants it was as if he were issuing orders in a battle. It was likely the girl was still so rattled she just grabbed everything she could think of and threw it on a tray. Especially when he saw how it was arranged, sweets on the same plate with cheese and dried meats. “I’ll have a talk with the servants later… seems many things have been amiss here.” He noted that all of the food was dried… nothing fresh and was curious about that.

“I really shouldn’t have been so nice to her,” Haldir sighed, picking up a piece of meat and regarding it wearily. He took a cautious bite from one end, spat it out in a napkin and offered the other portion to Faramir. He’d fed Faramir when the young man was too weak and sick to move, but never like this. “Gods, try this… it is terrible!” Even as he did it, he didn’t recognize the familiarity of the gesture, and continued talking, holding one hand up with the meat close to Faramir’s mouth and the other already picking at the remaining food trying to find something even remotely edible. “By amiss, I assume you mean this is not your usual Gondorian fare?”

Faramir laughed and shook his head as he eyed the food on the table. “I think I’ll take your word for it,” he laughed as he eyed the meat and picked up his glass to sniff at the wine. “Well at least the wine is good,” he grinned but soon sighed as Haldir poked through some of the dishes. Everything seemed… wrong. “This is definitely not normal…” Faramir said eyeing the tray with distaste. “I do not understand, normally our food is quite good, especially this time of year.”

Haldir sniffed at the wine and took a small sip. “I have had worse,” he admitted, then looked seriously at his lover. “Faramir, I think things have gotten much worse than we thought. Perhaps you should talk to your father, or even the council, first thing in the morning. Unless Gandalf has some way to fix this, it looks like you will have to take over Gondor’s day to day business sooner, rather than later.”

Faramir nodded and sighed as he picked at an extremely dry crust of bread. “As much as it pains me to think of doing it, it seems the only choice. Father… he would… normally this would infuriate him. Food of this poor quality, especially served when we have a guest from another realm, it… it just is not something he would stand for. Our cook always took such pride in her work as well so this cannot be of her doing… I’ve had better out on patrol,” he sighed and pushed his plate away deciding that he was not very hungry after all.

Seeing that Faramir was close to getting sad – and emotional – again, Haldir thought he had better distract him in the only manner he knew. He sat down, pulled Faramir into his lap and pressed a kiss against his lips. He had no idea he was doing it, but he was looking at his lover quite fondly. “I suppose I shall have to make do with the sweetness of your mouth,” he said, pretending to be upset about that little fact. “And I warn you – I am quite hungry.”

Faramir was curious when Haldir moved closer to him and pulled him out of his own chair and into the Elf’s lap. He smiled, his surprised gasp lost in his lover’s mouth as he was kissed breathless. When they drew apart again, Faramir was dazzled by both the kiss and the look in Haldir’s eyes. “That is good, because I am famished myself,” he teased in return and leaned forward to press his lips to Haldir’s again. Of course just as he began to sink into the kiss and his mind was taken completely off of any thoughts of food or his father, there was a sharp knock at the door. Faramir fought the desire to roll his eyes and sat back to look at Haldir for a moment. “Someone is at the door,” he said lamely and started to get out of Haldir’s lap but decided whoever was at the door could wait a few more seconds. He leaned in again and kissed his lover once more before pulling away.

Haldir smiled and did all the eye-rolling necessary at the intrusion. “I must admit I am going to miss your kisses when I leave Gondor,” he said softly. “Well, that and a few other things. And I hope you will miss mine as well, truth be told.”

Faramir paused as he slid out of Haldir’s lap and reached out to touch his lover’s cheek gently as he stood before him. “I will miss you very much, Haldir…” he said sadly and turned for the door. It was true, it wasn’t just their kisses it was everything about Haldir, it was him that he would miss. He pushed the thoughts away and opened the door to find Gandalf practically smirking at him. “We were… having… well… trying to have dinner but…”

“But it isn’t fit to eat?” Gandalf finished for him, taking in the fact that both of them looked flushed and both Elven and human lips were red and swollen, so, yet again it seemed he had interrupted the two of them kissing.

Haldir stood, trying to ignore the warmth left behind from Faramir’s fingers as they had brushed over his skin. Maybe his fingers had been coated with some kind of oil, he rationalized, for a simple touch shouldn’t leave such a lasting impression. Making a mental note to ask Faramir later what kind of lotion or oil he’d used that morning, he gave Gandalf a withering look, oblivious to the fact that his normally flawless hair was a bit mussed and his lips were swollen and red. “If you knew there was a problem,” he snapped, “then why did you not tell us? We have been waiting for dinner for an hour, and only when it is delivered we discovered it is inedible?”

Gandalf merely raised an eyebrow at Haldir, after centuries of knowing the Elf he was accustomed to his brash words. “I was not told you were even here until a few moments ago,” he explained simply. “While I do have the gift of sight, I cannot see everywhere at once.”

Faramir walked over and stood next to Haldir as Gandalf entered the room. “The guards said you could explain what has been going on here… with my father. What… what has happened to him, Gandalf? I know Boromir’s death was hard on him but… he did not even recognize me. And… this food? What has been going on?”

The wizard sighed and shook his head. “Gondor is in dire need of a new steward now I fear… when I told your father of Boromir’s death he took it hard… and then when I told him you were injured but yet alive he… he seemed to simply lose touch. He began shouting that he’d lost both his sons that all of Gondor was doomed… I… I could not seem to calm him down no matter how much I stressed that you were on the mend and on your way home.”

Unable to find any quarrel with Gandalf’s explanation, Haldir regarded the old wizard with a frown as he told his story. “Obviously, you have no tact, Gandalf,” he sniffed. “And because of Denethor’s… madness or inability to see the truth or… or whatever it is, there seems to be the heavy burden of overseeing Gondor suddenly thrust on Faramir’s shoulders. He is not completely healed yet, and frankly, I am concerned that the stress will be too much for him.” His eyes moved from Gandalf to Faramir, and softened, if only a bit. “I was ordered to keep you safe, not Gondor. You must not tax yourself, even for your father’s sake.”

Gandalf’s eyes cut from Haldir back to Faramir for a moment and he had a hard time not smiling from what he saw pass between them. That bond he’d seen before in Rohan was stronger now and it was obvious that the Elf cared for the young man. “You are right… this is a heavy burden and had I known just how unstable Denethor had been… I never would have relayed the news of Faramir’s injury. I had no idea… none at all that he would react the way he did. He thinks that Gondor is doomed. The food… that was some decree he passed saying that all foods must be dried, nothing fresh is allowed in case the entire city needed to flee into the mountains. In the rush for the servants to comply the foods have not been properly aged and cured. His orders are madness, the entire city of Minas Tirith cannot possibly flee, it is different than Rohan… normally your father knows this,” Gandalf explained and Faramir frowned.

“Gods…” Faramir sighed and sat down heavily in a chair. “Nothing has helped? You’ve talked to the healers?”

Gandalf shook his head. “Nothing… I had hoped your return would help.”

“My return did nothing but anger him… did you know he tried to attack Haldir? All he did was stare off in the distance and told me that he was waiting for someone very important,” Faramir said sadly.

Gandalf softened then and he moved closer, kneeling down in front of the young man and patting him on the knee. “The important person he is waiting on… is you… he just did not recognize you because he cannot tell what is real and what is not any more. I am sorry, Faramir.”

Haldir felt his heart stop at Gandalf’s words. Gods, of all things, Faramir didn’t need the guilt of thinking that his leaving Gondor against orders had affected his father. He stepped forward and slid one hand down to rest on Faramir’s shoulder, wanting more than anything to make him feel better. “I am sure it was more than that, Faramir,” he said in a tone of voice that seldom had been heard from his lips. “And we have been traveling for quite some time. Perhaps he simply did not recognize you. You have lost weight since your injury, your hair is longer…”

Faramir felt his heart nearly stop in his chest as Gandalf spoke. He was waiting for me. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes once again but he pushed beyond them, taking a deep breath and when he felt Haldir’s hand on his shoulder, he reached up and laced his fingers with the Elf’s. “No… I am not that changed…” he closed his eyes for a moment and then looked up at his former tutor. “Gandalf, what do I do? I have always followed my visions before and this one… seems to have turned not only my own world upside down but others as well… if I had not gone, if I had only listened to him…”

“Stop that,” Gandalf chided gently. “This is not your fault… nor the fault of your visions. What has happened has happened, it cannot be changed now but you must take over running the city, and… perhaps in time your father will come around… he is still grieving, Faramir. He loved Boromir a great deal and he loves you too… he’ll come around,” Gandalf stood then and looked at the pair. “I am glad you are here, Haldir… Faramir will need all the friends he can get right now.”

Grateful that Gandalf was at least being understanding, Haldir pulled his surprised gaze away from Faramir’s fingers that were entwined with his own so unexpectedly. As he looked up at the wizard, however, he remembered Faramir introducing him to Emil as his friend. So… not only was he standing here with his fingers interlocked, but he was being called Faramir’s friend. The thought was frightening, to say the least, because he’d already made it plain that he didn’t have friendships, nor did he want any. Still… he couldn’t just walk away from his duty to protect him, not now anyway. “I was ordered to be here, Gandalf, by Celeborn himself. It was not friendship that brought me here.” He couldn’t help but wonder, however, if it were friendship that had made him stay. After all, he had delivered Faramir to Gondor safely as ordered… yet he was still here, and planning on staying a bit longer. What exactly did that mean for the two of them? Or for his no-friends policy?

Faramir looked up at Haldir just behind him. He was more than merely a friend. “You were not ordered to stay though… but I am grateful you have,” Faramir said softly and wondered just exactly what Haldir was to him, his lover, his companion, his friend, yes but so much more than that. He loved him so much already that it was frightening to even think of Haldir leaving to go die on some horrific battlefield.

Gandalf could see something pass between the two and decided it was time for him to leave. “I think your first order of business tomorrow will be to meet with the council and… if you want to eat decent food ever again you’ll repeal that blasted decree… I am almost out of rations and I have a very unhappy hobbit staying with me,” he warned. “Good evening to you both.” With that, the wizard was gone.

It was his fault for everything, he had sent his father deeper into madness, he had saved Haldir against his wishes… what more could he do wrong? “I am so sorry I dragged you into all of this Haldir… you already wished I had not interfered and now…” Faramir whispered, feeling defeated.

Haldir shook his head and allowed himself a moment of indulgence, letting his thumb run over the back of Faramir’s fingers. “You could not have known,” he said softly. “You were following your heart, and despite what I might or might not wish my fate had been, I cannot fault you for doing what you felt you had to do.” Moving around to stand in front of his lover, the Elf gently pulled Faramir to his feet and untangled their fingers to let his hand move slowly down to rest on his hip. “We can still fix this… perhaps your father just needs some time. In the meanwhile, you concentrate on your people and your duties, and I will assist you in any way I can… and hopefully we can figure out what happened while you were gone. I cannot believe that your leaving has caused him to deteriorate to this degree.”

Faramir was still upset about everything he’d found out but despite it all when Haldir touched him and looked at him that way, it seemed everything was just a little less dark. He knew it was just that Haldir enjoyed his company, there were no true feelings at least on the Elf’s side but Faramir thought perhaps it was just the fact he was in love with Haldir that made him feel this way? The only thing Faramir really knew was that he was growing to count on the friendship they had and he was grateful that Haldir had decided to at least stay until this was settled with his father. “Thank you, Haldir… thank you for staying, but I fear you are wrong about my fault in this… I knew my father was… unstable before I left… I’ll never know if I could have prevented this, had things happened differently.”

The look in Faramir’s eyes made Haldir’s heart feel heavy. This Ranger who had appeared out of nowhere and saved him had so many burdens on his shoulders, he was surprised Faramir could still smile now and then. But it seemed that no matter what he faced, he never lost the smile on his sweet lips or the sparkle in his eyes that Haldir, had he been a different type of Elf, would have enjoyed exploring a bit more. His hand moved up to rest on the back of his lover’s neck, tilting Faramir’s head up until their gazes met. “Lord Celeborn, for whatever reason, believes you to have a purpose, Faramir. I think the dreams might be a part of that – I think they led you to Helm’s Deep for a reason. Just because we do not know what that reason is yet, I cannot help but believe you were supposed to be there, were supposed to do or see or say something. You may have changed someone’s life without even knowing it. If that contributed to your father’s illness, then perhaps that was meant to be as well. The Valar do not always do things that make sense to us, you know. We just have to accept what has happened and move forward. You have to do that… for your people, for your father and for your brother. You are strong – stronger than any Man I have ever known, so I have no doubt that you can do this.”

Looking into those eyes always made Faramir’s heart feel lighter and he sighed softly. “I do not feel particularly strong today,” he whispered and wrapped his arms around Haldir resting his head against his shoulder. “But I feel stronger when you are near,” he admitted softly, his fingers curling into Haldir’s tunic. Haldir might be right and everything happened the way the Valar saw fit, but it still was a hard thing to accept. Maybe Haldir and Gandalf were right? Maybe, given time, his father would improve? “Gods, there is so much to do in the morning,” he whispered and then looked up at Haldir. He was torn, as much as he wanted to be able to go back in time and fix everything, he would not change the fact that he’d met and fallen in love with Haldir.

Despite himself, Haldir thought he would never stop marveling at how well Faramir fit in his arms. They stood together for long moments, and the golden Elf couldn’t help but smile when Faramir looked up at him. He was still incredibly handsome, but first the injury, then the trip, and now the news of his father had certainly taken its toll on the young Ranger. Exhaustion was etched into the few small lines on his face and he looked tired and confused about… something. “Aye, there is much to do tomorrow,” he said softly, “but tonight, we should get some rest. I suppose you will be happy to get back to your own bed, but for now at least, I think you must try and force yourself to get comfortable in mine… unless, of course, you feel you might like the privilege of having me with you for as long as I am here…” His voice trailed off, and he wasn’t about to admit how much he dreaded the thought of sleeping alone in this strange, cold room without Faramir, but it did make him uneasy. He didn’t want to let Faramir know that, of course, but they were lovers, and if Faramir wanted to spend the rest of their time together in the same bed, then Haldir would happily agree. He wasn’t about to invite himself to Faramir’s room, however, just in case Faramir wanted to sleep alone for a change… the rejection would simply be too humiliating for the proud Elf.

Despite his slight depression, Faramir smiled when Haldir said ‘privilege’ and nodded. “I would very much like you to stay and share a bed with me if not more,” he offered a little grin then and took a deep breath. “It may even help me forget everything for a time, you know how I can hardly remember my name when you kiss me,” he admitted and let his fingers wander underneath Haldir’s tunic to touch smooth, perfect skin. “And since I had the bathing chamber earlier, I suppose it is your turn… if you like you can get cleaned up and I’ll dig through our packs and see if there is something more… appealing than what food we were brought? We may still have some of those berries we picked in the woods yesterday at least.”

“Mmmm,” Haldir murmured, licking at Faramir’s lips and closing his eyes. “Berries sound nice. Especially if I can eat them from your lips and all sorts of other interesting places…” He gently tugged his lover’s bottom lip with his teeth and then released him, backing toward the bathing chambers. “I would kiss you again, but since my kisses make you forget your name, I am afraid you might forget the berries if I do” With a wicked, arrogant, and totally Haldir-like smirk, the Elf disappeared behind the door, ready for a quick bath and a long night’s sleep with Faramir snuggled up against him.

Faramir found himself grinning at Haldir as he backed away, thinking the Elf was entirely too sure of himself… but with good reason. Haldir was probably right about forgetting the berries… and anything else for that matter. Once Haldir left the room, Faramir went to their packs and found the berries and a small amount of dried venison they’d brought with them from Helms Deep. He went to the table and grabbed one of the plates that had been brought and dumped the hard bread off it. He put their meager meal on it and then grabbed the bottle of wine and their two goblets as he went to the bathing chamber. “May I come in?”

Haldir was leaning back against the smooth curve of the tub, eyes closed, immersed up to his neck in warm, scented water. He’d been thinking of all that had happened, all they’d learned, and was trying to imagine what Faramir’s purpose in Helm’s Deep could possibly have been. As usual, however, thoughts of the Ranger had aroused him. He smiled as the very person he’d been thinking of requested entry. “Of course,” he said, sitting up a bit and trying to bite back a smile. “You could not bear to be in another room, knowing I was naked, could you?” He was teasing, but over the years, no one ever knew when he was serious and when he was making a bit of fun of himself… and since he’d never let anyone close enough to figure out the difference, he’d been thought of as even more arrogant than he was – which suited him just fine.

Faramir laughed as he pushed open the door. “Aye, it was killing me,” he teased in return as he walked in and then felt his mouth grow dry. He could not see below the water but he knew that body that was stretched out beneath it. “I brought wine, berries and what was left of our venison,” he said sitting down on the wide edge of the large tub. If there were material things he missed about his home, this was probably one of them. He handed the glass of wine to Haldir and smiled before taking a drink of his own.

The wine glass was accepted gratefully. Haldir, never one to stand on ceremony, drank it down in one sip, then set it aside, eyeing the gap in Faramir’s robe as he sat down on the edge of the tub. One hand, soft, wet and glistening with oils from the bath, lifted to touch his lover’s thigh, tracing the edge of the robe, teasing the long “V” of exposed skin. “Delicious,” he murmured, clearly not referring to the wine. His eyes were dark, and he suddenly didn’t feel all that hungry for food anymore. “Of course, a small taste like that only makes me want more.”

Faramir’s eyebrow rose as Haldir emptied his glass so quickly and set his own aside, next to the plate, which was probably a good thing because he startled just a little when wet fingers traced along his skin. His mouth was suddenly dry as if he hadn’t just taken a drink of wine and his stomach fluttered in anticipation. Haldir’s touch, no matter how often or how much the Elf touched him, sent Faramir’s senses reeling. He had wondered weeks ago if that would change and so far it had not, in fact the sensation seemed even stronger than before. “Mmm, I would be a poor host if I left you wanting for more wouldn’t you agree?” Faramir whispered. Haldir’s eyes seemed to swallow him whole, Gods, no one had ever looked at him the way the Elf did. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on Faramir’s part but there was no doubt in his mind that Haldir truly did desire him at the very least. His hands rose to his robe and he pushed it down his shoulders and then stood letting it drop to the floor. “Do you think there is room enough in there for me as well?”

Haldir sat up a bit straighter, licking his lips as Faramir’s robe dropped to the floor. Gods, Faramir, you are beautiful. Vaguely, he thought that one day he should say the words, rather than simply think them… except for the fact that he felt certain they would sound odd coming from him of all creatures. “Well,” he managed, already reaching out and sliding his hand between his lover’s thighs, cupping one gently. “I think we might just have to sit very, very close, but we can manage…”

Faramir shivered when Haldir’s hand moved over his skin. Carefully, Faramir climbed into the tub, lowering himself until he straddled Haldir’s thighs. “Is this close enough?” he asked teasingly as his hands roamed down his lover’s chest, disappearing under the warm water and rising back out again. He leaned forward; gasping when his arousal pressed against Haldir’s and his lips brushed the soft ones before him. “Or perhaps this?”

Moaning as Faramir’s flesh created delicious friction against his own, Haldir’s arms naturally opened to embrace this man who had barged into his life and created total chaos… and whom he was beginning to think his passion and desire for would never come to an end. “I think this will work perfectly,” he murmured, turning so that he rested on his side next to Faramir. “Let’s see if you are still ready for me…” With that, he insinuated his hand further up between pale thighs, pushing them apart, and explored the cleft of Faramir’s backside. Just as his fingertips found the opening they sought, his lips captured his lover’s in a deep kiss. Fingers already slick with bath oil slowly pushed their way past tight muscles, working their way deep inside Faramir’s passage, and Haldir’s free arm cradled his neck, holding him tenderly, protecting his neck and head from the hard edge of the tub without even realizing it. “Aye,” he murmured, pulling back from the kiss and working his fingers in even deeper. “I think you are most definitely still ready…”

Faramir’s body arched against Haldir’s as a slick hand explored beneath the water and he smiled at the way that a strong arm cradled his head. If the Elf did not care at least a little bit he would have no reason to offer Faramir comfort, he would not have held his hand and offered support earlier… he would not be so careful with him, he would just take what he wanted, wouldn’t he? Faramir felt his heart swell in his chest, a hope lighting there that helped to chase away the darkness he felt earlier. His hips moved as slick fingers delved inside and he smiled. “Very much so,” he murmured in answer. A part of him thought perhaps he just needed this, needed to forget everything and enjoy the physical connection to Haldir to drive way the pain in his heart, but it was not entirely that. Faramir wanted to give of himself as much as he wanted the pain driven away… that in itself was what made all the difference in the world. I love you, Haldir. He bit his lip against the words but could not help thinking them, especially when the golden Elf looked at him the way he did now.

Haldir could feel his cock twitching and leaking into the warmth of the water around them. With a final twist, he pulled his fingers away and easily lifted his lover’s body up, sliding his own beneath him. His arousal was trapped between them, and he couldn’t resist arching his hips up a bit, grinding the aching length against Faramir’s backside. “I want you so much I can barely think,” he murmured, moving so that dark hair rested against his shoulder and he was fully supporting Faramir’s body with his own. His hands were slick as they moved over pale, perfect skin, and he had only to turn his head to the side to steal a few more kisses, which he did gladly. Without breaking the kiss, he reached between them, lifted Faramir’s hips up just a bit, and positioned himself against his lover’s entrance. When the tip was just inside, he slowly pressed down on the curve of Faramir’s hips, impaling him completely, inch by inch, moaning again as tight muscles moved over his swollen shaft. “By the Valar, you are always so tight,” he managed, pulling away from the kiss to breathe and fastening his mouth on Faramir’s shoulder as he did so.

The feeling of Haldir’s hard length against his backside made Faramir squirm, wanting to feel his lover inside him. Their bodies always seemed to fit together so perfectly that it was hard to imagine ever having been with anyone else. When his lips were captured, Faramir kissed his lover back with abandon. He loved the way Haldir tasted, the rich sweet flavor of the wine with a much more exotic flavor that was Haldir alone and which Faramir quite simply craved night and day it seemed. He moaned when his was lifted and slowly impaled, his body taking his lover in slowly, molding around the hard shaft as if they had been made for each other. His head fell back against Haldir’s shoulder as he moaned softly, his body adjusting to the intrusion. He felt… complete somehow whenever he was with Haldir this way. He would never say aloud that it was making love, his fear of Haldir scoffing at him, holding him back but to Faramir that was exactly what they shared. His hips began to rock slowly as his body opened to his lover. “Gods… I love yo… how you feel inside me,” he whispered, shivering when he realized what he almost said.

So lost in the wave of desire that seemed to surround him, Haldir didn’t consciously hear the near-slip, but it did register somewhere in the back of his mind, to be sorted out later. His conscious mind, however, ignored it, as he marked Faramir’s neck and shoulders, not even thinking of how much the marks would stand out the next day as Faramir took over the running of Gondor. His hands moved over a flat stomach, broad chest, and back down again and again, half-embracing, half caressing, always pulling his lover closer and working his way in deeper, as if marking him on both the inside and out. “As do I,” he murmured as he rolled his hips, thrusting up as Faramir rocked against him. “You always feel so amazing… every perfect part of you…”

Faramir could feel his skin tingle where Haldir’s mouth worked at his neck and shoulders and he smiled not caring who saw the marks in the morning. He knew Gandalf would give him knowing looks should he encounter the wizard and thought that it was cool enough weather that he could always wear something with a high neck if the marks proved distracting to anyone other than himself. Haldir shifted under him, thrusting up as he rocked back against his lover and every thought of tunics or marks on his neck or nosey wizards fled his mind. White lights danced before his eyes as his lover hit against that spot inside him and he shuddered as Haldir spoke against his neck. Haldir rarely paid compliments of any sort to anyone and his words made Faramir’s heart flutter in his chest.

Water was sloshing out the sides of the tub, but neither Man nor Elf noticed. All Haldir could think about was how Faramir’s muscles were scraping over his sensitive skin, how the warm and pliant inner muscles molded around his cock, clenching and releasing each time he thrust up, then pulled away. He stopped caressing long enough to tease a nipple here or there, driving them both to distraction, and somehow managed to keep them both on the very edge without going over for long, exquisite moments. Finally, when he knew he couldn’t last much longer, Haldir wrapped one arm around his lover’s chest, holding him tight against him, and let his other hand slide down to wrap around Faramir’s length. He continued thrusting, slowly and deeply as his fingers worked the thick organ in his fist. The only noises he seemed to be capable of making at the time were of low, helpless moans and the whispers of Faramir’s name over and over as he kissed his way back up to the sweetest mouth he’d ever known and renewed their kiss.

Faramir was completely lost in their lovemaking, his heart was hammering in his chest, his body was thrumming with desire and it seemed Haldir’s every touch made him shiver. As their passion built, so did the speed of their movements and the amount of water splashing out of the deep tub, but neither of them seemed to notice or care. One arm lifted so that his hand could sink into the hair at the base of Haldir’s skull and when their lips met again, Faramir moaned against full lips as his own arousal was trapped in a firm, strong hand. He was whimpering as his body rocked back and forth against Haldir’s and their kiss dragged out until the young man was completely breathless. In his heart, Faramir wished that it would always be this way, that Haldir would always stay… he could never tell him of course, but he could wish. When his lover thrust deep one more time, Faramir was so close to the edge that he cried out as his sex jerked in Haldir’s hand and slick fluid spilled into the now lukewarm bathwater.

A thin wisp of air that looked like a tiny silver thread sparked for a brief moment, but both Haldir and Faramir had their eyes closed, and neither saw it. As the organ in his hand swelled and then jerked, Haldir moaned softly against his lover’s neck. With one final thrust, he felt his own cock pulse deep inside the shuddering passage, coating Faramir’s inner muscles with his release as his cries echoed in the small bathing chamber and then died away just as his own trembling muscles began to relax. Normally, he closed up and pulled away after these encounters, his only concession kissing or allowing Faramir to snuggle up next to him, but this time, he was too warm and relaxed to even release the man in his arms. “Gods, Faramir,” he murmured, pressing one final kiss against warm skin. “I think we shall have to bathe here quite often. As in… every night, and quite possibly every morning, and maybe even after lunch…”

The feeling of Haldir exploding inside him made Faramir’s release last even longer and when he finally seemed to come back to himself, he was smiling as he rested against his lover. He felt warm despite the cooling water and loved that Haldir was still holding him close. He laughed when his lover spoke and he turned slightly to look up into sparkling blue eyes. “Aye… we may just be the two cleanest beings in Gondor in the coming days,” he teased in return. It felt wonderful being held this way but he knew that the water would only grow colder. Slowly he slid away from his lover and moved to look at Haldir. “The water is starting to get cold… maybe we can take our berries out in front of the fire and enjoy them there?”

Startled at himself as he thought that his arms felt empty when Faramir moved away, it took Haldir a moment to respond. This is ridiculous! You are practically drooling all over him… where is your dignity? His face was perfectly neutral as he nodded and stood, then stepped out of the bath. “Aye… we will be clean but cold,” he agreed, drying himself off and not even offering to help Faramir out of the tub. You’ve pawed at him enough… leave the man alone. “I will meet you in front of the fire, then. Do not forget the berries.” With that, he disappeared from the room wondering what on all of Arda could have possessed him to loose control in such a manner, and vowing never to let it happen again.

Faramir was uncertain what was wrong when Haldir almost suddenly fled the room and he stood there for a moment before he got a towel and wrapped it around himself. The robe he’d left in the floor earlier was soaked, so he simply left it and picked up their dinner to take to the other room. Haldir was not accustomed to even staying after having sex with someone, even after all these weeks and Faramir merely sighed. It is not likely he will ever grow accustomed to it either. You are fooling yourself if you think your love for him will ever be returned. He is a good Elf, honor is the reason he stays… perhaps the sex a little. But Faramir doubted sex alone would hold Haldir there with him forever. Not letting his thoughts make him even more maudlin than he was earlier he pushed them away and walked out to the other room and stopped beside Haldir offering him the empty wine glasses before he started to sit down.

Haldir took the glasses and waited for Faramir to sit, then began to pick at the berries and meat. His mood had turned rather dark as he realized how… emotional he had almost gotten with Faramir, and he was thoroughly disgusted with himself. “We should hurry and get some sleep,” he said, staring into the fire and not even looking at his lover. “Tomorrow will be a long day. And you need to decide how I can best help – by trying to find out what happened to your father or by going to his offices with you and doing whatever needs to be done there. The sooner we get started on this, the sooner everything will be resolved.”

It seemed something had changed from their time in the tub to now and Faramir wasn’t sure exactly what it was. “You are probably right,” he said taking one of the berries but merely holding it and not eating it yet. “I could use your help going through some of the paperwork I am uncertain how many decrees like this ridiculous food one were made… and… and I am going to have to ride out to face my men as well and explain why I cannot return to lead them. I will need to promote one of them to captain,” he said almost wistfully. He did not want to be the steward he wished to simply be a ranger as he always had been. Faramir tried not to think on why Haldir wanted everything resolved ‘sooner’ and finally ate the berry he had bruised so badly between his fingers.

Business as usual… this was Haldir’s comfort zone. He relaxed almost immediately and began to eat in earnest, the trip, the news from Gandalf, and their… activities in the bathing chambers all combining to make him ravenous and rather sleepy. “I will be happy to help,” he nodded, easing back into his more formal and usual self. “Would you like me to accompany you to speak with your men?”

“That is up to you,” Faramir offered a small smile then. “I do not mind if you come with me… I suppose it will depend on what happens tomorrow though,” Faramir said softly. In truth he would love for Haldir to meet his men and friends but… Haldir had proven that he wasn’t exactly keen on meeting strangers especially men who would likely hug or pat Faramir on the back. He doubted the Elf ever in his life hugged one of his archers or wardens. “Would you really like to meet my rangers or are you just trying to be nice for my sake?”

Haldir arched an eyebrow in frank amusement at the question, but answered honestly. “Oh, I am merely trying to be nice,” he shrugged, “though I might be of help if I saw your Rangers in their element. I could give them a few pointers if you happen to have a spare bow or two – that might help out quite a bit…”

Faramir found himself grinning when Haldir answered his question. “Well… you did a nice job of it, for a moment I almost believed you really did want to meet them,” he teased and leaned back on one hand. “I think that anyone and everyone has room to learn from someone else though, there is no questioning that Elves are the best archers on Arda, we use much different bows though… long bows, I would love to see everyone train on the smaller Elven style bows,” he answered seriously. “They are more convenient in a tight battle and much less unwieldy on horseback.” Faramir stretched one leg out and stared into the fire for a moment. “Thank you for offering to help, Haldir… all of it.”

With a shrug, Haldir gathered a handful of berries and stood, then made his way to the bed. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was staying, or offering to help, so he was unsure of how to respond. He couldn’t say that Celeborn had ordered him to stay and help, and he couldn’t explain why it bothered him for Faramir to be so upset or burdened, but he had to admit, if only to himself, that it did. “You… are welcome,” he managed a bit gruffly, slipping out of the robe he’d put on before he’d sat by the fireplace and sliding into bed. “I… you… yes.” His words trailed off as he thought the bed was exceptionally cold, but wasn’t about to ask Faramir to join him. He can lie down here when and if he wants to. It’s not like I care anyway, since we have already made… had sex tonight… “Yes… Good night, Faramir. Sleep well.”

Faramir stood as well, setting everything back on the table and walked over to the bed. “You really must be tired,” he said smiling just a little as he walked around the bed to the other side. He dropped the damp towel on the floor and crawled into the bed. Faramir had missed being able to sleep completely naked against Haldir’s body while they traveled so he took the opportunity now to snuggle close to him. “It is still a little chilly in here,” he said in excuse as he snuggled up against Haldir. He leaned up a little and looked at the somewhat perplexed looking Elf. “Sweet dreams, Haldir,” he whispered and pressed a quick almost chaste kiss against Haldir’s lips.

Confused as always when Faramir gave so much without asking for anything in return except Haldir’s warmth and embrace, the Elf gazed down at his lover and sighed. “You would freeze to death were it not for me, I think,” he muttered. No matter what, he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed feeling Faramir’s naked body against him… it wasn’t something he’d known with anyone else, not even another Elf, though he imagined that no Elf could possibly fit against him so well. He shifted on the bed and drew Faramir closer against him. “Very well. If you are cold…” With that, he tugged the blanket up over their shoulders and yawned. “Think of good things, Faramir. I do not want to have to dry your tears again.” The words came out a bit rougher than he’d meant for them too – he didn’t want Faramir to cry, but not just for the reason he stated.

Faramir laughed softly when Haldir complained that he would freeze without him. “Likely so,” he conceded with a grin. He loved that Haldir pulled him closer though, his words always so at odds with his actions. Just about to snuggle down under the covers, Faramir heard the next words and frowned at the gruff way Haldir spoke of his tears. A part of him wanted to say something biting back, almost a knee jerk reaction but he realized that Haldir merely did not know how to handle tears. Faramir, after thinking a few moments decided there would never be a reason that Haldir would ever cry or to show too much emotion. He rarely laughed, when he did it was a wonderful thing to hear and his smile was radiant but he did so rarely do either that Faramir wondered if others who knew Haldir might actually be surprised that Faramir had made the Elf laugh… more than once in fact. He fell asleep thinking about Haldir’s laughter and it seemed to help sooth his dreams.

Chapter 15

The following days were not easy, Faramir was not comfortable taking over the role of steward but he knew it was what had to be done. His father was simply not able to do the job any longer, as he was still so lost inside his own grief. Each day Faramir did attempt to connect with him, did attempt to see if his father recognized him and it only served to agitate Denethor and simply depress Faramir.

If Haldir had not stayed in Gondor with him, Faramir was afraid he would be as mad as his father by this point. He had argued with councilors who thought him too young to run the city, he had dealt with problems within the city, military issues, and so many things that by the end of each day he was exhausted. His shoulder, which he thought was healed, seemed to ache now more than before with all the stress of dealing with everything and at points he thought he was simply not able to do it all.

No wonder my father lost his mind. He felt horrible for the thought immediately but he couldn’t help wonder if it hadn’t been a part of it.

Faramir was alone in what used to be his father’s study, trying to go over some of the inventory reports and see if he could balance everything out. It had been a mess, nothing documented properly and he and Haldir had discovered that notes had been left in a myriad of books and ledgers. He was only alone for the moment; Haldir was searching through the archives for a book that one parchment had mentioned contained the tallies of all of the military supplies in the armory.

Denethor looked over his shoulder, still certain that someone was following him. His fingers toyed with the edge of his long black robe, the one no one, not even his most trusted servants could convince him to remove. They had all turned on him – his staff, his counselors, his Rangers, even his servants. They had all gone mad.

They wanted to kill him, he knew that. The food was poisoned, so he’d almost stopped eating, making do with the leftovers from the trash in the kitchen long after everyone else was asleep. There were traps all over the citadel set for him too, most likely by the followers of this Aragorn-person – yes rumors came to him about the man who thought he had the right to rule Gondor. Denethor knew better… he had sweated over the people and land of Minas Tirith, not Aragorn.

He had lost his sons – not only his best and brightest, but his other one as well, the only one he had left. Oh, there was the imposter who came to him every day claiming to be Faramir, but Denethor knew better. The man might look like Faramir, but Faramir was dead. Faramir had died shortly after Boromir, and now there was no one left to carry on his name. The bloodline ended with him. This imposter obviously worked for Aragorn, and only wanted the secrets of the city, secrets only Denethor knew, to pass on to his new master.

Another thread unraveled in his fingers as he turned the corner and moved almost silently down the hallway to his offices. The imposter had taken to working there during the day, usually with that infernal Elf who never seemed to leave his side. While the imposter at least tried to be kind to him, the Elf never bothered, not even sparing him the pitying look everyone else in the city gave him with now and then – the look he deserved as a man who’d lost his entire family in what seemed like the blink of an eye.

But the Elf was gone, Denethor was certain of that. He’d seen him in another hallway and pretended to look away, but the moment the horrid creature was out of sight, he’d made for his study. Now was the time to confront this person who was pretending to be his son… now was the time to take back the city that was his.

As he quietly opened the door to his old offices, he saw the man’s head bowed at the desk he, Denethor, had spent so many hours toiling over. He could play this game for a while, if that was what it took. “Hello?” he asked timidly, hoping to fool the boy into trusting him. “Is that you, Faramir? Have you really come back to me?” As he spoke, he shut the door behind him, and locked it for good measure. A gentle tug on another loose string on his sleeve for luck, and he approached the desk, looking as innocent and guileless as he possibly could.

Faramir had been completely lost in thought when he heard a soft voice in the doorway. He looked up, surprised to see his father standing there. Then his next words brought such a wave of hope through him that Faramir failed to hear the snick of the lock in the door. “Father?” he asked standing up and moving around the desk to greet the other man. “You… you recognize me today?” he asked happily. “Gods… I have hoped for this for weeks now…”

Denethor couldn’t suppress a smile, though he was certain the man who looked like his son thought he was smiling for a different reason entirely. He was playing his part well, though, even down to some of the mannerisms Faramir had had when he was alive, and the soft, hopeful timber of his voice. Gods, this was going to be easy, just as the small globe he kept hidden away in his rooms had assured him it would be – dispose of the imposter, show Aragorn’s followers what happens to traitors in Gondor, and reclaim his position as steward and ruler – the only ruler – of his city. “I missed you, Faramir, so much,” he said, reaching out one hand, various lengths of black thread trailing aimlessly over his outstretched fingers as his other hand reached inside his robe. “Have you really come back to me?”

When his father reached toward him, Faramir felt tears of happiness gather in his eyes as he nodded. “Aye, father, I have. I was injured in Rohan but as you can see I am fine, just as Gandalf told you,” he said softly and made to motion Denethor to sit down. “Please… sit with me… how are you feeling? The servants say you have not been eating…”

Rather than make his way toward the chair, Denethor’s hand clamped down on Faramir’s arm – the arm that just happened to have been attached to the shoulder that had been so badly injured. The fingers were long, slender, and clawlike, with nails that hadn’t been trimmed in far too long, and were dirty and sharp. “Sit down with you indeed!” he hissed, digging his fingers, nails and all, deep into Faramir’s arm and wrenching it behind him. Before the young man could respond, Denethor, fueled by grief and utter madness, pulled the small mallet from his robes and raised it over his head. “Your mistake, boy, was believing that I was mad. I have never been more sane in my life, and I know that you and your Elf are simply trying to take my city to give to your so-called king!” He kept Faramir’s sore arm twisted behind him, and even as he spoke, he brought the mallet down on the side of the boy’s head. His son would never betray him… His son was obedient and quiet – His son would never take what had not been freely offered. No… this was most definitely not his son.

Faramir cried out in shock and pain when his arm was gripped that way, he struggled and tried to use his other arm to push Denethor away but the old man was quicker and stronger than he could have imagined him to be. Denethor moved behind him and out of his reach. Pain raced up from his wrist where sharp nails dug deeply, blood welling around them and his shoulder screamed in pain where it was wrenched behind him. Faramir cried out again, hoping someone would hear him but suddenly everything went black, the last thought he had was that the name he called out was Haldir’s.

A cold, soulless laugh fell from Denethor’s lips as the man pretending to be his son fell to the ground. He quickly hid the mallet beneath the desk and threw the imposter over his shoulder. Toeing the rug over the blood in the center of the floor, he looked around, grateful to be alone again, but feeling certain that a spy might try to break down the door at any moment. He didn’t have far to go, or he would have worried about someone finding them, and besides, he knew this citadel like no one else – not even his late, beloved sons knew of some of the secret passageways. With the flip of a small hidden latch behind a bookcase, a door no one but he knew about slowly swung open and he made his way inside, the heavy burden of carrying this stranger barely affecting him, so great was the strength he’d gained from his madness.

Haldir looked around the archive room and sighed. Everything was such a mess; he was certain he could search through the walls along the eastern shelves for a month and still never find what he was looking for. Hot and frustrated, he put the book in his hand back where he’d found it, and decided to see if there wasn’t some other way for Faramir to determine where and what the military supplies were. As he turned back toward the doorway, however, he felt a stab of pain on his right temple, and saw stars in his right eye. He fell back against the shelf he’d just been perusing and moaned… but the pain was gone before the sound had even faded from the room. Though he had never experienced such a pain, he would have thought little of it, had he not heard a single word being shouted, then cut off in his mind. His name, spoken by his lover, only once.

“Faramir.” Something was wrong, but he didn’t even try to understand what… he simply ran to the steward’s study as fast as his feet would take him.

Denethor’s blow had rendered Faramir completely unconscious as he bounced his way down the narrow passageway on his father’s shoulder. If he had not been taken by such surprise, if he had reason to suspect his father might actually attack him, he certainly would have been more careful than he had. But in his desire to see his father normal again, to see him back in control of himself, Faramir had failed to see the true intent in the man’s dark eyes. He’d had little time to wonder what was going to happen or even why it was happening.

The former steward’s arm was wrapped around Faramir’s waist as he made his way toward the highest point in the city – the place where he would show all who followed Aragorn their fate unless they turned from this false king and pledged their lives to their true leader, the man who had led them through so much, for so long. He stopped only once, when a frayed edge of his cloak caught on the lock of yet another hidden door and almost ripped the entire piece of fabric from his body. Denethor unhooked his cloak from the edge of the lock, whispering to himself the entire time, almost chanting the words. “Everything is ready. The oil is there, the fire is lit, the pyre is stacked. Everything is ready. Nothing can go wrong. Everything is ready. The oil is there, the fire is lit…” Finally, he burst out into the large mausoleum, taking heart in seeing the pyre he had spent the last several days building. With no gentleness at all for the stranger on his back, he threw the man on top of the pyre and climbed up next to him, the torch that he’d lit earlier within easy reach. “Imposter… trying to fool me… we shall see how your king likes this. The fire is lit, the pyre is stacked… the king and all his men will die…” As he continued, he poured oil over the unconscious man at his feet, laughing loudly and only now hoping everyone would see what he was doing… that he hadn’t been mad or foolish… he had only been pretending – just like the orb had told him to do.

Haldir was in the office Faramir was now using, frantically looking for his lover, having broken down the door with no trouble at all. There was no sign, only a cold, empty room that still spoke of Denethor’s influence, and a single, black piece of thread on the floor by the rug. He started to leave, to send the servants to find Faramir, but the thread seemed… wrong. It took him a moment to remember where he’d seen the black threads – on Denethor’s cloak as he obsessively picked at the edges of the fabric, whispering to himself and looking over his shoulder every time Faramir had tried to talk to him. It was then that he saw the rug had been moved. Kicking it away, he gasped as he saw what was underneath, and he would have sworn at that moment that his heart stopped. “No… gods, no…”

The door had been locked, so they had to have left through this room. It took him only a few moments to find the hidden doorway, and he raced down the dark corridor as silently and quickly as any cat. A bit of fabric on the wall let him know he was going in the right direction, and he was already calling Faramir’s name when he saw the sunlight coming from the edge of the hidden tunnel. Denethor had failed to close the door behind him when he’d stepped into the mausoleum, thankfully, and Haldir began calling his lover’s name at once.

Denethor startled when he heard the Elf’s voice and spilled some of the oil down the front of his robes as he stood over the unconscious man. He glanced down at the man, he looked as if he were merely sleeping and for a split second he thought he saw his son. “Do not be fooled, he is not your son… not yours, not Faramir… Faramir is already dead,” he muttered as he tossed away the copper basin and picked up the torch, holding it for only a moment before tossing it onto the pyre at the man’s feet. He laughed as the flames quickly leapt up and tried to get down from the pyre himself. “He is too late… the Elf is too late…” he chanted but the frayed edges of his robes caught on the wood stacked around the man’s body. Tugging at the robe ineffectually, he began to struggle as the flames raced around the base of the pyre toward him.

As Haldir burst into the room, he had trouble believing what his eyes were telling him. Wood and fire and oil and Denethor… and Gods, there was Faramir – his Faramir laying in the middle of it all, flames already surrounding him, already licking at his clothes. Faramir looked… by the Valar, he looked dead! Without thinking, Haldir raced up the pyre, scattering large blocks of wood behind him, feeling the flames hot and greedy around his legs, his hair, his back. Shouldering Denethor away, he scooped Faramir up in his arms, and tried to cover him at the same time, doing his best to douse the flames that were burning through his tunic and onto tender skin. There was no time to find his balance or secure his footing, or look for a way out, so he did the only thing he could do. Wrapping both arms and legs around his lover, he cradled him as well as he could and rolled, knocking Denethor off his feet and falling hard onto the cold stone floor beneath them. He cried out as his back bent over a stray piece of wood, but kept rolling until they were well out of the reach of the flames.

Denethor screamed in anger as the Elf destroyed the pyre, sending burning wood scattering throughout the marble lined room. He fell to the floor hard when the Elf shoved him away and scooted on his backside away from the flames, watching in disbelief as the blond Elf wrapped the man up in his arms and rolled until the flames on the man’s clothing were gone. Scrambling to his feet, he reached for his dagger, thinking that maybe he could overpower the Elf now that he was distracted with the man.

When his body was so roughly handled, his back hitting the hard cold floor, Faramir’s eyes opened only a little, seeing blond hair, smelling the scent of burned fabrics and he struggled a little to get his bearings. What had happened? When he looked up he saw his father and gasped. Denethor was standing now, a dagger in his hand. “Father?” he breathed the words, his throat already scratchy from the smoke and thick from confusion.

In that moment, Denethor recognized the blue eyes that looked at him so intently. He saw the little bright eyed boy he had so adored years ago, remembered the bright copper waves he had tousled so many times and the dagger fell from his hands. “Faramir… Faramir… my son…” Before he could move though the oil on his robes caught fire, one of the bundles of burning wood that had been scattered lighting the dark fabric. As the flames began to lick up the front of his body, Denethor stared at his son in disbelief, the planitir had been wrong… this was his son! The pain of the flames hit him suddenly then and unthinking he ran from the room… ran, forgetting where he was, expecting to spill out the door into the garden where a fountain would be, only to find himself on a small ledge. The last sound that was heard was Denethor’s scream as he toppled over the edge of the tower wall.

Haldir’s arms tightened around Faramir’s unresisting body, and he could only thank the Valar when he saw familiar blue eyes open and stare at the man who had just tried to kill him. His first thought was that he was so very grateful that Faramir still lived, the second was that he that he couldn’t let him see his father die, knowing it would haunt him for the rest of his days. He gently rested his hand on Faramir’s face and turned his head away. “No, look at me,” he whispered softly. “It is too late for your father.”

Faramir cried out when he heard his father’s screams, knowing what the man’s fate had been. Before he could even draw a breath he buried his face against Haldir’s neck, sobbing as tears streamed down his face. His body ached, his shoulder felt as if the orc’s axe was buried in it again and his head was throbbing, yet none of that compared with the pain in his heart. His own father had tried to kill him! He’d been so lost in his madness he tried to burn him alive, too late had Denethor come back to himself, too late had he realized what he was doing. Faramir felt as if he were the one who failed. He had not tried hard enough to reach his father, he had focused too much time on assuming the role of steward and not enough being a son and trying to break through whatever held his father.

Haldir’s hands, which could be so rough when he was fighting or angry or simply living his normal life, were now as gentle and careful with Faramir as if he were being lifted on a bed of clouds. He was sick with worry, and his heart felt as if it were being ripped from as his chest each time Faramir sobbed against him. He would never, ever forget the feelings he’d had as he’d seen Faramir there, so close to death, so close to being burned alive. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t say what he was thinking, had never used the words before, so he had no idea how to speak them. Instead, he leaned against the closest wall, Faramir held safely in his lap, a single tear falling from his eyes for every one of his lover’s.

Still unable to believe what had just happened, Faramir looked up at Haldir and was shocked to see tears on the Elf’s face. His hand rose to touch his lover’s cheek in wonder as he looked at him. “You… why…” he paused and looked away, shaking his head. He never thought he would ever see the Elf cry and thought perhaps he was just seeing things. “I do not understand what happened,” he whispered as Haldir cradled him against his body. “I could not fight him, he used… my weakness, my… my shoulder against me. Gods… I have lost everything now. My ability to really defend myself, my brother, and now… now my father,” he whispered as he clung to Haldir. And now that my father is gone, in a few weeks, you will deem me safe and you will leave me too.

Haldir’s arms tightened around his lover for a moment before he could speak. “You have not lost everything,” he said softly, resting one hand on the back of Faramir’s neck and pulling him away just enough so that their eyes met. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t ashamed of the tears that flowed freely down his face. That didn’t matter… all that mattered was that he had almost lost the most important person in his life. Now… if he could only say as much and not make the situation even worse. He took a deep breath and used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tears on the dear face before him. “You have not lost me.”

Faramir looked up when Haldir spoke, his eyes meeting tearful blue ones and certain now that Haldir was crying. Faramir started to shake his head when Haldir spoke but his final words stopped him, almost stealing his breath. You have not lost me. Fresh tears joined those already streaming down his face as Faramir shook his head. “But… but I never had you… you said yourself that not even friendship is what kept you here.”

“You have me, Faramir. In fact, you have have had me for quite some time now,” Haldir said softly. “I was just too stubborn to see it.” He took another deep breath and simply pulled Faramir against him again, closing his eyes and just feeling the warm breath and warmer tears against his skin. “I was wrong about friendship keeping me here. I mean… it was friendship, but… Gods, it is much more than that, Faramir. It took almost losing you for me to realize it. What we have… It is trust, and passion and honesty and… most of all, Faramir… it is, I know now, love. I have no idea how you feel about me, but I am utterly and completely in love with you.”

Faramir stared in confusion until Haldir pulled him close, his face buried against the warmth of his lover’s neck. He tried to understand everything the Elf was saying. Haldir was admitting not only that he was wrong but that they were more than friends? Then it seemed his heart stopped in his chest as his lover spoke. Love. He closed his eyes and clung tighter to the Elf. “I love you too… I have been in love with you since Helms Deep, I think… maybe even the first moment I saw you that night,” Faramir admitted. He knew this was not something Haldir had planned for. “What… does it mean though? Does it mean you… you have given up your plan to seek a death elsewhere? Haldir… I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks that I do not think I could survive it when you left…” his words were almost in a panic, afraid that even though Haldir admitted he loved him, that he still planned to go through with the honorable death he had anticipated for so long.

Haldir’s tears were still half of fear, but now, despite everything, he was finding that a few were tears of happiness as well. To be honest, he hadn’t thought that far ahead, but if he loved, finally – and was loved in return… then to walk away from that would be foolish and ridiculous and the cruelest, most dishonorable decision he could possibly ever make. Even talking about it was making Faramir agitated again. “Shhh, meleth,” he said softly, using that word for the first time in all his years, and being grateful that it felt so right to say it to this man in his arms. “If my leaving would hurt you, I would not do it… besides the fact that the death I sought is no longer what I want. I want life – a life with you, if you will have me.”

Faramir looked at his lover for a long moment, his heart leaping in his chest as he heard the word ‘meleth’ in reference to him. “If I will have you? Gods, Haldir… of course I will have you,” he whispered earnestly. Leaning forward just a little, he brushed his lips against Haldir’s. “I think it would destroy me completely if you left.” It was true, Faramir had known for a long time that it would kill the man he was now if Haldir left, it is true he would live on but it would be with no joy… he would cease to be the man he was before and then he realized with sudden clarity what happened to his father. He had endured so much loss. First his wife, but then he had two sons… then he lost his most beloved, his eldest and then thought he’d lost his youngest as well. Gods, it was no wonder the man lost his grip on reality… everything he loved had been stripped away from him. Then… because he refused to accept that Faramir was alive… his city was being taken away from him too. That realization coupled with the physical pain was almost too much. “Take me away from this room? I cannot stand the smell of it anymore…”

Haldir stood up at once, wincing as the smell really registered. “Of course,” he murmured, keeping the pyre from Faramir’s sight and carrying him back through the tunnel so they wouldn’t meet anyone. “I think we have a lot to discuss, but most importantly, are you all right? I mean… I know this was unspeakable, what he did, but… Gods, I mean is anything broken? Do you need the healers? Or shall we go back to our room?”

Grateful when Haldir began to take him out of the room, Faramir found himself surprised by the tunnel he had never known of before. He decided to think about that later though. “I… I think I am all right… I… am sore,” he admitted. “But I do not think anything is broken… and… I do not feel as if I was burned… though my skin feels… tender in a few spots,” he realized that only when he shifted just a bit in Haldir’s arms. “Gods… I have to explain all of this… no doubt that people… saw him,” Faramir closed his eyes against the thought. “I still do not understand how this happened or why.” When they emerged from the tunnel back into the steward’s study, Faramir remembered part of what happened. “I think he truly believed I was not really myself… that I was trying to… to take Gondor from him.”

“I am so sorry I let him get near enough to you for him to do this,” Haldir said, toeing the door closed behind him and looking around the large, sparsely decorated room. “You are going to… I mean… would you possibly consider letting Gandalf explain everything to the council? I think it will be too much for you, and… right now, at this moment, I am jealous of Gondor. I want you all to myself. You have given so much to Gondor – can she not give back to you, just for a few hours?”

Faramir looked up at Haldir and smiled just a little. “Aye, Gandalf can explain… I am just so tired,” he said softly and then touched Haldir’s cheek gently. “And you my love… have the capacity to say such sweet things sometimes when you have no idea you do so,” Faramir said softly. It was true; there had been brief moments ever since meeting Haldir in Rohan that the often brusque and even rude Elf would say things that simply took Faramir’s breath away. The day he had said that his lips tasted like honey… he had practically melted at the Elf’s feet and again now his heart was filled with such tenderness toward Haldir he would never be able to quite explain it.

Haldir smiled and he actually blushed a bit at the compliment. “I… I think your ears hear things I do not mean, because I am many things… but a sweet-talking Elf is not one of them.” He blustered a bit, then opened the door to the study and made his way toward their bedroom, hoping to avoid saying something that might take the smile from his lover’s face. “Which,” he added as they slipped inside their bedroom, thankful that no one had seen them and asked questions, “I should ask you… I am over 2000 years old, Faramir, and not likely to change. I will try to learn to be the Elf you deserve, but… if I cannot change everything will you… will you still love me?” He almost didn’t want to hear the answer to that question, actually, because he knew he wasn’t a lovable Elf by any stretch of the imagination. He was, in fact, quite irritating and pushy and cold and… totally and completely in love and willing to do whatever he could to be what Faramir wanted.

Faramir bit his lip when Haldir blustered about not being a sweet-talking Elf. He remained silent when his lover carried him to the bed and shook his head at the question. “I cannot believe you would even think that… I did not fall in love with an Elf I wished to change, I fell in love with the Elf that you are… that includes the arrogance and the brusque way you sometimes speak. No, Haldir, I do not wish to change you, nor do I wish for you to change. You are who you are and I love you for that… and I think because I can see past it sometimes is why I love you… because in here,” he said laying his hand over Haldir’s heart, “is a good heart… I’ve known that since the night we met.”

Now blushing furiously, Haldir began untying the laces to Faramir’s tunic and helped him undress. He was surprised that he wasn’t being asked to change, because he certainly didn’t see anything loveable about the way he was just then. He remembered seeing other Elves holding hands, stopping just to share a kiss on the streets for no reason at all, exchanging small gifts just because the sun was shining or the leaves were particularly beautiful that day. That was what Faramir deserved. But not, apparently, what he wanted. That very thought made Haldir smile. ??Maybe this love-thing is not so bad after all… ?? “I am not so sure about the good heart, but I am glad you think so, for it belongs completely to you,” he said softly as he let his fingers trail over his lover’s skin, checking
for injuries. “I am surprised it took me so long to realize that… and so sorry it took this happening to make me see what I had been feeling for months now.”

Seeing Haldir blush was surprising and Faramir, despite all that happened, found himself smiling. He leaned up as Haldir helped remove his tunic, the charred material thankfully had not burned through enough to be stuck to his skin and his skin only bore a few dark red marks but not serious burns. If Haldir had been just a few seconds later, Faramir’s fate might be completely different. Then when Haldir said that his heart belonged to Faramir, the man smiled thinking that yet again the Elf said something sweet without knowing it was… it wasn’t poetry or a contrived bit of romantic prose… it was what he felt and that meant more than all the poems in the world to Faramir. “No, love, do not be sorry… at least we… we both told each other how we feel… I wasn’t exactly being honest myself you know. I… I was afraid that if I told you how I felt… that you would certainly leave.”

Haldir set about unlacing and carefully removing Faramir’s boots, then his breeches, all the while checking for injuries or bruises as he spoke. “I am ashamed to say I most likely would have,” he said softly. “I would have panicked and left, and may very well have found my death before I came to terms with what some part of me has always known – that I fell in love with you long ago, back in Helm’s Deep.” Finally, his lover was undressed, and Haldir undressed as well, slipping beneath the covers to lie next to Faramir, still somewhat awkward about reaching out to hold him. “The part of me that has always known… I think, Faramir that we have somehow been bound together by an Elven bond. Earlier, when… when you were injured, I… I heard you calling out to me. I was in the archives at the time, so there was no way I could really have heard you.”

Faramir was surprised when Haldir spoke of an Elven bond, he had read of those before and practically gaped at his lover for a moment. “Elven bond? You… I wondered how it was that you found me… I did not even know of the secret passage from the study to the tower. Gods… if we had not formed a bond… I would have died today,” he said softly and closed his eyes against the pain of his father’s death. “Why did he do it? Gods, Haldir, he knew who I was at the end… when it was too late,” he whispered feeling his voice thicken again with repressed tears.

Haldir let his fingers trail over Faramir’s stomach and tried to piece together everything he knew. “I think he was being influenced by someone or something dark,” he said after a moment. “While I was in the archives, I found something odd. As I was looking at your father’s records, I noted he had taken to drawing in the margins. The drawings grew in number as the days and weeks passed by, and if I did not know better, I would say they resembled one of the old seeing-stones, or palantirs, though I do not see how he could ever have seen one. If, indeed, he had somehow acquired a palantir, it could well have been the key to his madness, especially if he used it to communicate with someone who wished to use him in some manner. Only seven were brought to middle-earth, and I have no idea who might have the others, but if one fell into the wrong hands…”

Faramir stared at his lover in disbelief. “A palantir? There… there once had been one here in Gondor, it was kept in the tower of Ecthelion, according to the histories that Gandalf taught me as a child. But… I thought it had been taken, had been locked away after Isildur’s death,” he said still puzzling over it and then sucked in a breath as the rest of the tale came back to him. “Oh Gods… the stewards were the protectors of the stone, they were to keep it hidden away until the true king returns. Father… did not believe that a true king would ever return and if they did he did not believe they deserved Gondor… because they had not served her as we had… as the stewards had. He would never accept, Aragorn’s rule,” Faramir’s voice trailed off as he clearly saw what would have happened. Gondor would not only be fighting a war with Mordor but it would be fighting a civil war as well. Those loyal to the house of stewards and those loyal to the blood of Isildur.

Nodding, Haldir took Faramir’s hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I think we have determined why this happened then,” he said softly. “If you like, I will talk to Gandalf first thing in the morning and tell him what we have discovered. He will know how to dispose of the palantir. And no one has to know what happened today. Though I think your father wished for everyone in Gondor to see your death, I think his use of the secret passage way prevented anyone from seeing who was on the pyre. We can truthfully tell your people that he came to his senses, but his robes accidentally caught fire, and he fell to his death. That way his good name will be restored and Gondor can remember him for all the good things he did for her – not the bad.”

Faramir nodded and buried his face against Haldir’s neck. “Thank you,” he whispered softly. “I know he was not himself these last few years and especially these last weeks but even so, I did love my father and I would hate to see him remembered in a poor light,” he whispered against Haldir’s neck, grateful that he was willing to do this for him. “Gods… there is so much left to do, but I am just so tired.” Faramir snuggled closer to Haldir, holding him as close as he could. The pain in his shoulder seemed to be easing now and the soreness in his body was starting to slowly ebb away. He would have bruises and a few marks on him but would be fine. For now, he just wanted to be held.

Haldir’s arms tightened around his lover and his hands moved over his back and shoulders, soothing away the tension as best he could. For one, he snuggled back freely, entangling their legs and enjoying the feeling of having Faramir’s skin against him. “Rest, meleth,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against soft, dark hair. “I will help you, and we will do everything that needs to be done. In the meantime, I am going to lie here and watch over you while you sleep and heal.” He paused, tilted Faramir’s face up until their gazes met, and smiled. “And remember, in case I don’t say it often enough in the future, that I love you more than you could possibly imagine.”

The feeling of Haldir’s arms around him, his hands moving over his body, helped relax Faramir and he smiled when Haldir called him ‘meleth’ again. When he looked up into his lover’s eyes Faramir returned the smile, his heart tripping in his chest. “And I love you, Haldir… so very much,” he whispered in return. He rested his head back against Haldir’s shoulder, snuggling against his neck and breathed in the scent of his lover’s hair. Within moments it seemed he had fallen asleep, exhausted from the weeks of work trying to straighten everything out in the city and the events of the day. Despite the horrible loss and pain, he had also gained something today as well. He had learned that Haldir loved him and no matter what came his way, Faramir was sure he could weather it with Haldir at his side.

Chapter 16

Later that same evening while Faramir slept, Gandalf had learned what happened and came to their room. Haldir spoke with him about what had taken place while Faramir slept and Gandalf agreed to speak with the council.

The next day, Faramir tried his best to act as proudly as he could when he addressed the council about the arrangements for Denethor’s funeral. It had not been easy on him and had Haldir not been beside him, offering his strength of his hand under the table, Faramir may not have been able to get through it. He knew Haldir was not accustomed to touching others, especially in public, but since it was unseen by the others it seemed the Elf did not mind. He had not spoken of love since that night he’d saved Faramir in the tower, but he did not need to. Faramir knew his just being there meant that Haldir loved him and the fact he would glare down any councilor who even looked as if they might question or argue with Faramir did not seem to stray from that either.

Several more days would pass and things would return to as much normalcy as they could. Faramir was still ruling the city, awaiting Aragorn and his party to arrive, hopefully before Sauron’s army was mustered but the reports were not good.

One of which he was reading and feeling more and more helpless… this had to be why his father had turned to the palantir hoping it held answers.

Haldir’s arms were full of books and notes Faramir needed to begin holding council again, a task Denethor had failed to do for several months. The backlog was long and dull, and the last thing Faramir needed to worry about on top of everything else, but it had to be done, and in matters such as the ones on the long list lying at the corner of Faramir’s desk, only the steward’s word could settle the disagreements. The Elf preferred to avoid everyone in the city, so he’d taken to using the back passageways, though thankfully, due to his general demeanor and impatience, not many would have stopped to talk to him even if he had walked the hallways.

As he stepped into the room, knowing Faramir would be alone, he frowned at the lines of worry on his lover’s face and the tired slump of his shoulders. “You have exactly half an hour to finish what you are doing,” Haldir stated in his usual haughty manner, dumping everything in his arms on one corner of Faramir’s desk. “I will be back then.” With that, he left the room, hurrying back down the passage, already forming a plan in his mind.

Faramir looked up from the parchment he was reading at his lover and started to offer a smile until Haldir spoke. His eyebrows shot up and he looked at him for only a moment before Haldir set everything down with a loud thud on the side of his desk and announced that Faramir needed to be finished with what he was doing in thirty minutes. He started to protest but his lover was already out of the room again. “Half an hour? I’ll be lucky to get through with all of this in half a year!” Faramir complained, sitting back in his chair and wincing. Whenever he grew very tired his shoulder would ache horribly but he had been avoiding speaking with Gandalf or the healers about it, assuming nothing could be done for it anyway. He rubbed at the soreness though and wondered just what Haldir was up to… why would he need him finished in half an hour? He grinned then, thinking perhaps Haldir just wished to… oh. Faramir’s smile grew a little wider at the implication and he set back to work feeling a bit better than before. (Even if Haldir hadn’t meant it that way… it was a nice frame of mind to be in at least.)

Muttering to himself that he would be glad when Aragorn finally managed to find the time to run his city, Haldir made his way to the kitchens where, as usual, all activity stopped as the servants waited for their orders. They’d found that Haldir’s bark was worse than his bite, and at times, he even managed a ‘thank you’ or ‘please’ now and then, when he remembered. At least now, they didn’t cower in fear at the look on his face, which seemed to just be the natural serious look of a being who had not had much practice in the art of smiling. “I need a basket full of food,” he said to no one in particular. “An entire meal to be exact – a meal for two. I want meats, bread, cheese, fruit and something sweet, and I need it now.”

An older plump woman stepped forward. “A basket of food for two… and I suppose you would you like wine too?” the woman asked knowing exactly who the Elf was and who and what it was likely the basket was for. She brushed past the Elf and began gathering things and then turned to the others who were just staring at the Elf as they always seemed to do. “You heard him… get on with it!” she snapped and everyone else began to scatter around the room gathering various things as well. “It won’t be a few moments, Master Elf,” she said as she directed a few of the other servants. Within fifteen minutes the basket was being packed and the old woman disappeared into another room and appeared again. “If you’re planning what I think you are… you’ll need this too,” she said shoving a thick blanket out in front of her.

Haldir found he liked the older woman’s no nonsense tone and manner and graced her with a half-smile. He took the blanket and nodded his head in thanks. “Aye. I had forgotten the blanket,” he agreed, taking the basket from one of the other servants and folding the blanket over his arm. He started to walk away, but stopped just when he got to the door. “And… yes… I should… I should thank you and all that…” That was as much as he could manage at the time, so worried was he about Faramir’s obvious exhaustion, and before the last word was out of his mouth, he was heading back toward his lover’s study, still talking to himself about Aragorn and his lack of responsibility. When he opened the door, he spoke before he even looked at Faramir. “Your time is up, Faramir. Come with me.”

Faramir looked up, half startled, when Haldir practically barked at him to come with him. “Come with you where? You know thirty minutes was not enough to finish what I was… what are you doing?” he asked as he saw the blanket over one arm and the basket in Haldir’s hand. “Haldir?”

With a put-upon sigh, Haldir tapped his fingers on the doorway and shook his head. “Thirty minutes is more than enough, when I told you that was all you had,” he admonished. “And as for what I am doing… I am waiting for you, because we are going to stop working for the day, find a nice quiet garden and have some fresh air while we eat our dinner. You look tired and overworked and I am not going to let you work yourself into exhaustion again tonight. So come on, now or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you down the hallway in front of the servants and everyone.”

Faramir sat back in his chair regarding his lover and found himself smiling despite the way in which Haldir was speaking to him. “A picnic?” he laughed as he stood up and crossed the room to his now confused lover and kissed him sweetly. “As far as invitations go, it is sorely lacking but… thank you, love,” he whispered. Haldir obviously had no idea how sweet or how romantic the idea of just whisking Faramir away from his work in the middle of the day and to a picnic at that, actually was.

Haldir looked confused for a moment, but was pleased by the sweet kiss. “It is not a picnic… it is just a meal with fresh air on a blanket away from everyone else so you don’t tire yourself out,” he corrected his lover, not understanding why Faramir had thanked him. He had to eat, after all, and, more importantly, he had to rest. “I promised to take care of you, remember? I think saving you from yourself and Gondor’s demands falls under that promise.”

Faramir smiled and nodded. “Of course it is not a picnic… even though what you just said I believe is the definition of one,” he teased as they began to walk. “And I am tired and hungry so… it was perfectly timed,” Faramir added as they walked toward the garden. It was true that he had been working hard, trying to get everything in order before Aragorn’s arrival and before he would be concentrating more on a war than reorganizing and fixing all of the damage his father’s… illness… had done.

“I will be relieved when Aragorn gets here,” Haldir said, noting the way Faramir was walking a bit stiffly, as he often did when he worked too long at his desk. “I know there is still much work to be done, but I worry that you are overdoing it.” They walked for a while in silence until they found an empty section of the gardens. Haldir spread the blanket on the ground, leaned against the stone bench and gestured Faramir to sit between his legs. “Your shoulder hurts.” It was more a statement than a question. “Let me see if I can help, then you can rest while I set out the food. I think you’ll like the lunch the kitchen staff packed for us.”

Faramir did not disagree when Haldir said he would be relieved when Aragorn arrived. So would he, mostly because he was terrified he was doing everything wrong. Gandalf helped, but he was focused at the moment on other things… the wizard oddly enough was going to have to act as his general since Faramir could not lead the battle. The steward since the rule of Isiuldur was bound to the citadel during times of war so that he would not fall in battle and leave Gondor without a king or a steward. When they arrived in the garden, watched as Haldir spread the blanket and settled down and moved to join him. “My shoulder does hurt,” he agreed. “I do not know why, it did not bother me that much on the journey yet sitting at a desk all day makes it hurt worse than if I was actually sword fighting daily,” he complained. He grinned though when Haldir mentioned the kitchen staff. He could just imagine how that basket had come to be packed.

Haldir reached around and unlaced the top lacings of Faramir’s tunic so he could easily slide is hands down the back. His fingers, normally so stiff and efficient, suddenly became gentle and soothing as they touched his lover’s skin, something he never realized, but always managed to do. He carefully began to knead sore muscles, hoping to at least lessen the ache from Faramir’s injury. “I can do more to help you,” he said softly. “And you know I am more than willing. Some might not like an Elf knowing Gondor’s business, but I think they would accept it if they knew how much of a strain it is on their steward to try and do so much alone.”

Faramir sighed in as much pleasure as pain when Haldir began to rub his aching shoulders. “You already help me so much,” he whispered, “I hate to ask you to do even more, love. It is not that I think the people would not like you to be involved… I just worry that… well… that I would be asking too much of you.” Faramir turned slightly to look at Haldir. “You’ve always been a warrior and… I do not wish you to regret staying…” In truth Faramir worried about that very thing often. Haldir was accustomed to patrolling, to battles, he was not accustomed to searching through archives and helping Faramir sort through ledgers or sit with him during boring meetings.

Haldir rarely showed affection in public – not because he was ashamed of their relationship, but simply because it usually didn’t occur to him. This time, however, it did. He stopped his massage and wrapped both arms around his lover, then planted a kiss against the curve of his neck. “Faramir, I will never regret staying,” he murmured, pulling back to gaze into the worried blue eyes before him. “Many things in my life are different than before, I readily admit that. But the life I had was cold and dark and so very lonely. And then I found you… or, rather, you found me, and everything changed. What you have shared with me – your warmth, your strength, your love – I would never, ever regret that. For the first time in my life, I am happy, and in love with the most incredible man on Arda. What could I possibly regret?”

When Haldir’s arms wrapped around him, Faramir sank into the embrace, his own hands rose to cross over his lover’s hands across his chest. Hearing the words that Haldir would never regret staying, brought a small smile to his face and then when their gazes met, he was certain by the look in Haldir’s eyes that it was the absolute truth. His heart felt so much lighter when Haldir spoke of loving him and he leaned in for a sweet kiss. “And this man loves the most wonderful Elf on Arda…” he whispered. It was true. Others may see Haldir as cold, aloof, and perhaps even unfriendly and hateful but Faramir never had. Somehow he could see past all of it and knew that Haldir had a capacity to love that no one would understand. “You could have used my doubts then to get out of a lot of really boring work,” he teased. “I know you must love me if you are willing to help with all of this… hopefully… hopefully it will change when Aragorn can assume the kingship. I would like to not be tied to my fath… to my study all the time… I would love more days like this in fact,” he said resting his head against Haldir’s shoulder.

“I would love more days like this as well,” Haldir confessed. “I miss you. I miss spending hours on end talking to you about anything and everything, and having breakfast in bed and riding half a day or more just to see what is beyond the horizon.” He sighed and tightened his embrace around his lover, pressing a final kiss against his neck, but not letting go. He found he enjoyed the way Faramir was resting against him, so warm and trusting and such a perfect fit. “We both know I am a selfish Elf… and I want you back. If my helping you more during the day will at least get you back to our rooms earlier, then I will suffer through as much boring work as you can find.”

Faramir smiled brightly when Haldir said he missed him. “You miss me? And to think at one time you could not wait to be rid of me,” he teased but so very pleased that Haldir had shared that with him. “I miss you too… terribly… and find myself getting distracted with thoughts of you much of the time. I am afraid some of my work ends up not getting done as quickly as it should because I cannot stop thinking about you. So I suppose if you were closer more often then I may not have that problem as much,” Faramir said happily and feeling much, much more relaxed than he had felt when Haldir had first come to him in his study.

Haldir smiled and kept one arm around Faramir as he used the other to reach for the food. He began setting everything out, keeping his arm securely around his lover and not letting him help at all. “Aye, there was a time when I resented having to stay with you,” he admitted, feeling utterly ashamed of himself and his actions not so very long ago. “You were stubborn and annoying and you confused me, and you never gave in on anything.” He paused, staring off into space, pretending to think for a moment. “Come to think of it, the only thing that has changed is my desire to be rid of you…”

“I never gave in?” Faramir scoffed as he watched Haldir and then he laughed and shook his head. “Is that so? Well, if I were just so hard to deal with… you would still wish to be rid of me,” he grinned then and leaned over to press his lips against Haldir’s cheek as the Elf set more food out on the blanket beside them. “I am very glad that you do not,” he whispered then. “Besides… I do not know of anyone else on Arda besides me who would put up with you.” He chuckled when Haldir gave him a particularly dirty look.

“You forget what a privilege it is to get the opportunity to put up with me, as it were,” Haldir half-teased his lover. “As I have told you many times, you are a lucky man, Faramir. A lucky man indeed. Why I imagine almost every man or woman in Gondor would give anything to… well, maybe half of them… or… maybe one or two… or…” The Elf scowled and pretended to grumble as he offered his lover a bit of cheese. “It is time for you to eat, not talk, Ranger. The sound of your stomach growling is beginning to embarrass me… people are staring.”

Faramir grinned as Haldir went on. I am a lucky man… very lucky. He took the cheese that was offered and chewed slowly, surprised that Haldir fed him that way, though he half suspected it was to keep Faramir from teasing him anymore. There were some who passed by the gardens that tried to avoid invading what little privacy the lovers could afford, but some did look at them. The steward of their city, wrapped in the arms of an Elf and being fed that way… some years ago might have called such a scene scandalous. Now, after so much heartache, so much pain and loss in Gondor they saw it as a symbol of hope, that even now when there was so much darkness on the horizon that love could still be found. Faramir and Haldir knew nothing of those thoughts though as they shared their meal.

The food was delicious, and Haldir drug their meal out as long as possible, lingering over the food and teasing Faramir well past their usual lunch time. He did his best to keep his lover’s mind off work for a while, and was quite certain he’d succeeded. When the gardens began to empty, the Elf was surprised to find that he still had his arm around Faramir, and was still holding him quite close. He shifted a bit, keeping them in the shade and pushed the food away, then drew his cloak around them both. The air was only beginning to get faintly chilly, and after sharing such a meal and now sharing the warmth of his cloak, he decided to at least try and delay his lover further, determined to help him relax. “I think you need to rest,” he said firmly. “Gondor can do without her steward for the rest of the day, but the Steward’s Elf cannot.”

A far cry from the first meal they had attempted when they first arrived in Gondor, the food was excellent and as far as Faramir was concerned so was the company. Haldir probably had no idea how much of a difference his arm around him throughout the meal had, but Faramir somehow felt stronger, he felt more relaxed and he no longer felt as if the weight of the entire city was on his so often sore shoulders. When he was full and content, he was actually grateful when Haldir drew his cloak around them and announced in that firm tone he so often used that he needed to rest. His final words though made Faramir’s heart skip in his chest and he smiled as he turned slightly and snuggled into his lover’s arms. “Then the Steward’s Elf will not do without,” he whispered and pressed his lips to his lover’s kissing him deeply, the taste of wine and honeyed fruit mixed with Haldir’s own unique flavor seemed to kindle a different sort of hunger. “Do you know,” he whispered when they drew apart, “when you first came to my study and asked that I be done in half an hour… I actually thought that maybe you were simply wanting a… well… a quick well…” He blushed a little at the memory of his thoughts. “I would never have guessed you were taking me on a… a non-picnic.”

Haldir couldn’t help but grin at the phrase ‘non-picnic’, but his eyes were dark with more than amusement. He wanted Faramir, the look in his eyes making that clearly evident, but he didn’t want his lover to think that was all he cared about. “That had crossed my mind,” he murmured, letting his tongue lick slowly over his lover’s full bottom lip. “I had actually considered locking the door of your study behind me and bending you over the desk… but then I thought you looked like you needed food and rest more than you needed me at the time. “ He snuggled closer beneath his cloak and laced their fingers together, in a rare thoughtful mood for a change. “You could sleep now, and then we could go back to our rooms in a few hours and see if your needs have… changed by then or not.”

“I will always need you, Haldir, just you… your holding me, your smile when you do grace me with it… I need your friendship and companionship as much as… well… the fun parts too,” Faramir whispered feeling heat flood through him from not only his own thoughts but from the look in Haldir’s eyes. He could see how much he was cared for, perhaps it wasn’t obvious to everyone in Gondor the way Haldir looked at him but Faramir could recognize it. His smile widened as Haldir’s hand tangled with his and he sighed softly. “I must admit though… I am tired. I never knew how much work was involved in keeping this city running. I had always assumed… so many things just… just took care of themselves I guess,” he said snuggling. He felt as if he were just a man, not a steward, not the man that thousands of people were depending on to get them through the coming war… just a man who was loved. He yawned and closed his eyes as he rested against Haldir. “I think a nap may actually help… and I think perhaps later… we can see if we can both fit in the tub again,” he teased sleepily.

Resting his cheek against the top of Faramir’s head, Haldir smiled and closed his eyes as well, thankful that Faramir was in fact resting for a change. “It is a very small tub,” he whispered. “We shall have to sit quite close together, but, as usual, I think we will manage… meleth.”

Faramir fell asleep with a smile on his face, the worries of earlier that day long forgotten now and he slept peacefully, completely relaxed in Haldir’s arms. The Elf could always surprise him it seemed, today was completely unexpected but had been a wonderful surprise and though Haldir would likely deny it was romantic… it had been extremely romantic, at least to Faramir.

Chapter 17

Faramir was sitting on the edge of the bed and Haldir was getting undressed. It had been a long and tiring day, Osgiliath had been attacked and Sauron’s army had been beaten back for now but it was likely that would change soon. There were simply too many orcs against too few men. When he looked up at his lover, he noticed something… he rarely really looked at Haldir’s back… it seemed odd as much time as they had spent naked with one another, but Faramir realized he was just never really behind his lover that often. His eyes roamed over his body from the heels up. Perfectly formed legs, strong and powerful for running in the forests… up to a backside that Faramir had always loved touching and toying with when they were in bed together but had never really gotten the opportunity to admire before. Haldir’s waist was slender moving up to broad shoulders and then Faramir stopped. Haldir’s skin was perfection everywhere he’d ever seen before except… there in the center of his back, just below his shoulder blades were… scars? The marks were faint and might not have been seen if Haldir were not standing nearest to the lamplight. They striped across in a crisscross patter that was unmistakable. Haldir had been flogged in the past? Haldir? The Elf would not even consider disobeying an order, he was flogged for something? Or… was it something else?

He stood and walked across the room and pressed his lips against Haldir’s shoulder. “I’ve never noticed these before… in all these weeks,” he whispered still surprised that he hadn’t.

Haldir flinched only a little as Faramir’s mouth moved against his skin. He hadn’t realized he still bore scars, but shouldn’t have been surprised. No one had ever noticed them before, given his previous sexual encounters that were more like business transactions than anything else, and certainly, no one but Faramir had had the opportunity to see them. He turned toward his lover and draped one arm over Faramir’s shoulders. “They are nothing,” he assured him, determined to change the subject though he had the distinct feeling Faramir would question him about the scars he’d gotten so long ago. “Do you want to read for a while tonight, or are you too tired?”

Faramir frowned when Haldir said the scars were nothing. Obviously they were something if he had them but it seemed that his lover was not interested in discussing them with him. He wondered if he should push for an answer, but then thought maybe Haldir just was not ready to share something like that with him. Faramir worried for a moment that Haldir might not trust him with the information but tried to push that worry away. “I am tired and actually I do not think I could even focus enough to read… I am still worried about what Sauron has planned. The push into Osgiliath was bad but I have a sense that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. More of Gondor’s people will die in the coming days I fear… and… sleep seems to be the only time my mind is off of it all.”

Relieved that Faramir wasn’t going to push for more information, Haldir smiled and brushed his lover’s hair back from each temple. His hands came to rest at the back of his neck beneath the soft; dark strands and began gently kneading Faramir’s neck as they walked toward the bed. “Then we will sleep, and trust that Gandalf’s words are true – that the hobbits will indeed destroy Sauron’s ring and this war will end.” As he spoke, he crawled into bed and looked expectantly up at Faramir, waiting for him to climb in as well and mold his body against Haldir’s as he did every night. Though he would have a difficult time admitting it, Haldir looked forward to that feeling all during the day – the moment when he could truly relax, holding Faramir close and knowing that he was safe, and that no matter what else happened on all of Arda, they were together.

Faramir smiled when Haldir touched him so tenderly and kneaded his sore neck that way. The stress of the last few weeks had wreaked havoc on his neck and shoulders but Haldir had seemed to understand that so well and always made it feel better just by touching him that way and helping Faramir to relax. He nodded as he was directed toward the bed and sighed as he watched Haldir crawl in and soon followed. “I have always trusted Gandalf but… the hobbits… they are just so small I worry for them too and I know Pippin does. I cannot believe that Gandalf would put them in danger if he did not think they could do it though,” he whispered as he scooted close and rested his head against Haldir’s chest, over his heart. “I am sorry that I have not been such wonderful company the last few days… you’ve tolerated my moodiness better than I expected,” he teased a little. It was true; Faramir had been… difficult the last few days.

“You were moody even when we first met,” Haldir shrugged as he wrapped his arms around Faramir and tugged the blankets over them both. He’d finally gotten used to sleeping this way, something he never dreamed he’d do, and, as usual didn’t even attempt to soften his words. “I am hoping that it will improve after Aragorn relieves you of some of your work, but I am prepared to put up with them even if they persist after he comes. I have found the good moods far outweigh the bad ones.”

Faramir laughed at Haldir’s answer and scrunched up his nose as he looked up at him. “That so?” he grinned. “Well I hope so too… I do not know how father did this alone for so long… but then he had learned everything at a young age… I have stepped in after little training and just stumbling along. But I’m glad you think the good moods outweigh the bad ones… perhaps we can tip the scales in favor of the good more often once this war is over. There are times I think perhaps I can see the end and see peace and others that all I see is darkness… I wish I knew for certain which was right.”

“Perhaps you will have another dream that will tell you,” Haldir murmured, pressing a kiss against his lover’s temple. “Though I did not believe in them until recently, they seem to hold some truth.” He yawned, and turned slightly toward Faramir, thinking that he would be glad when his long days of working for Gondor were over – or at least reduced – as well. “I have always been told that the last thing you think of before sleeping is what you will most likely dream about. So, think of what you would like to know… and see if that helps.”

Faramir smiled and snuggled closer, loving that Haldir now held him easily and not as if Faramir might bite him, as he had when they were first together. He too yawned and closed his eyes as he rested against Haldir. “Hmm, what I would like to know…” he whispered sleepily. “Good night, love,” he said as his voice trailed off. He was exhausted and for a few hours he slept peacefully, no dreams invading his mind at all good or bad.

As the night wore on, Faramir did begin to dream. It was not just any dream— it was a vision. He could always tell them from other dreams somehow, even in sleep. He also could never awaken until the entire vision played out, no matter how difficult it was to witness. Generally his dreams were of the future but tonight his dream was of the past… Haldir’s past… the one thing he’d been thinking that he wanted to know. At first Faramir did not recognize the Elfling. But then his eyes drew Faramir in. He looked so frightened and Faramir’s heart broke for him.

Haldir stood wide-eyed in the corner of the large room, staring around him at the older and bigger Elves who hurried to one task or another, never sparing him a glance. He was the youngest Elf present, but his parents had thought he was ready to be sent away, to learn the ways of a warrior, to be prepared both mentally and physically for the war they knew was to come.

He knew no one, and no one seemed to want to know him. Normally an outgoing and engaging Elfling, he now felt distinctly out of place, missing his family, his friends, the only home he’d ever known. And so, he stood, being ignored, for the greater part of his first day, until finally, a large, intimidating Elf with long dark hair and icy blue eyes took note. He crossed the room and grabbed Haldir by the ear, causing the small Elf to yelp and struggle. “You are in the way, and are accomplishing nothing!” the older Elf snapped. “Some warrior you will make!” With that, he drug Haldir to his quarters, threw him in, and glared at him from the doorway. “This is the only home you will know for the next two hundred years, so I suggest you get used to it,” he growled. “Your lessons begin tonight after dinner. If you are late, you will start your first day off with 20 lashes. Do I make myself clear?”

Haldir nodded and was rewarded by the other Elf grabbing his arm hard and shaking him. “Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?”

A single tear fell from Haldir’s eye as he nodded, but answered. “Aye, sir.”

A slap across his face startled the small Elf and it was all he could do to bite back a sob, not knowing what he’d managed to do wrong already. He just wanted to go home.

“A warrior never cries. Let that be your first lesson.”

Chapter 18

“I am Haldir.” The same little Elfling stood in the dining hall, tray in hand, with no idea what to do. He’d approached a kind-looking Elfling who looked to be not much older than him, hoping to at least find a friendly face.

“Shhh! You must not talk!”

Haldir was taken aback, but determined. Lowering his voice, he followed the Elfing as the line moved a bit. “But… I was just…”

“We do not speak unless spoken to,” the other Elf hissed.

Haldir bit his bottom lip and felt his eyes fill with tears… again. “Please. I am afraid. I know no one here, and…”

The slightly taller Elfling sighed and glared at Haldir, though his features softened a bit when he saw that the smaller Elf truly was terrified. “Warriors are never afraid and they are never lonely. They need no one but themselves. Those are the rules we…”

The words were abruptly cut off when the headmaster grabbed both Haldir and his companion by the hair, jerking their heads up viciously. “What have we here? Trying to make friends, are we?” He laughed and drug both Elves to the front of the room. “Warriors do not need friends, nor do they need to be friendly.” As he spoke, he ripped the Elflings’ tunics off and shoved them both face first against the table behind him. “I would have thought you knew better, Orin! Though I think an example shall be made out of you both.”

With that, he pulled out a leather flogger that had at least a dozen tails, each one tied at the end with a single knot. Haldir struggled, but other, older Elves pulled down his breeches, humiliating him further, then held him down against the table.

As the first lash fell and Orin glared at him, Haldir stopped struggling and realized that his life would never be the same.

“Warriors MUST be useful at all times!!” The second lash across his backside broke the skin. “They NEVER cry!” The third hurt so badly, Haldir screamed loudly enough to make the other ELflings cover their ears. “They NEVER show pain!” He thought the fourth lash would surely be the death of him, but they continued. After the tenth blow, he was released, and collapsed to the floor, sobbing softly as all the other Elves in the room looked away. Each of his ‘lessons’ rang in his ears, but the last one was especially loud. “And they do NOT need friends!”

Faramir awoke with a start, his entire body jerking as he sat up in the bed and tears gathered in his eyes, his heart breaking for Haldir. No wonder he said he did not need friends and was so… so unemotional most of the time.

Haldir was awake before Faramir had finished sitting up in bed beside him. Always a light sleeper, his dreams that night had kept him on edge, and the slight movement of his lover pulling away made his eyes open and his body tense at once. He sat up and put his arm around his lover’s shoulders. “Faramir? What is it? What’s wrong?”

Feeling Haldir’s arm around him, Faramir sank against him and wrapped his arms around the strong Elf. “I… I had a dream… of you,” he whispered and looked up into Haldir’s eyes. “Gods, love… I am so sorry. They had no right to treat you that way, none at all… they were wrong. Even warriors need friends, especially in battle to support one another to protect one another… they were wrong,” he said babbling a little and pressing little kisses against Haldir’s face. To him he was making perfect sense but he was still too caught up in the events of the dream to realize he might be confusing Haldir.

Blue Elven eyes widened as Faramir spoke and kissed him so gently though Haldir wasn’t sure what he was talking about. Already, he had almost forgotten the dream he’d had so often, only traces of shame and pain lingering on the fringes of his subconscious mind. His hands moved soothingly over Faramir’s back and he gathered his lover close, shaking his head. “Meleth, what are you talking about? Who needs protection and… who did something wrong, and by the Valar, why are their tears in your eyes?” He was seeing the one thing on all of Arda that made him truly want to panic – Faramir’s tears. He never knew how to deal with them, but since they were together, it was his job to do so. He just… was terrible at it. Pressing a kiss to Faramir’s temple, he held him closer. “What happened?”

Looking up at his lover, Faramir realized he was not making any sense. “I saw… your past… why… why there are scars on your back. You were just an Elfling… Gods how could anyone do that? I… I saw all of it Haldir and I felt… I could feel your pain and humiliation. They had no right to do that. None. I have never in my life beaten a soldier for such things. Are… are all Elven warriors trained like this?” Faramir asked starting to at least feel a little calmer than before.

Haldir’s face flushed hotly as he realized Faramir had seen his shame, though he had no idea how that was possible. Had his lover experienced his dream or had the Valar shown him something Haldir had no wish for anyone ever to see? He stiffened slightly, wishing he could somehow erase the images from Faramir’s mind so he wouldn’t have to feel his lover’s pity, but he answered at once, trying to pretend it was nothing to be concerned about. “No, they are not all trained like that,” he said, his voice devoid of any emotion. “I was sent away before Rúmil and Orophin were born. I was privileged enough to get the very best training.”

“Privileged? Haldir…” Faramir shook his head at a loss and sighed. “That was cruel and harsh and while it made you a wonderful warrior, it hurt you.” Tangling his fingers with Haldir’s the young man leaned against him. “It was not right.” Faramir knew he could do little to change what had happened to Haldir and had shaped him into the Elf that he was now, but he now understood why his lover was so uncomfortable with emotions and with the concept of friendship.

“I am one of the best and strongest warriors Lothlórien had ever seen,” Haldir said proudly, falling back on one of the true feelings he was comfortable expressing – arrogance. “Had I not been trained to avoid the pitfalls my brothers fell into – friendships and romance and all those other useless emotions at such an early age, I might have ended up just like them.” Though on some level, that thought made him wonder what his life would have been like had he not avoided those ‘pitfalls’ another part of him shuddered… to be that vulnerable to so many friends and loved ones… no – it was unfathomable. “How did you know this? And how did you know I was dreaming about this very thing?”

“You… you were dreaming it too?” Faramir asked in surprise and stared at his lover for a long moment. “I… that was why I woke up the way I did… I… I dreamed of you as an Elfling… of… I could feel it, Haldir… as if it were me,” he whispered softly. It wasn’t uncommon for Faramir to dream though generally it was of the future but it was not common to share another’s dreams. “I do not know how I dreamed this… I had just… I’d been curious about the scars on your back is all. I had no idea that was how they came to be there.”

Shaking his head in denial, Haldir’s fingers moved gingerly over Faramir’s back, almost expecting to feel scars that matched his own. “You… you felt it?” He closed his eyes and tried to push away all thoughts of his ‘training’ days… days that stretched into years, and then into two centuries. “No… we must stop this. I do not want you to feel that pain. It was… it was…” He shuddered and showed what were, in his mind, grave weaknesses – pain and sorrow. “I cannot bear the thoughts of you feeling it to, Faramir. So… how do we stop this? NOW?”

Faramir shook his head as he reached up and took Haldir’s face in both of his hands. “I wanted to know… and I do want to feel that pain. I want to share everything with you Haldir, happiness, pain… everything because I love you. I do not wish for it to stop,” he whispered brushing his lips against Haldir’s.

Haldir gazed into Faramir’s eyes for a moment without speaking. He was being just what he despised – weak and vulnerable, but he could see that for once, he wasn’t being judged or found lacking. Even as he vowed to try and keep his dreams from affecting Faramir, he saw the truth and depths of his lover’s feelings as their gazes held and soft lips brushed against his own. “I do not understand you,” he said softly, gathering the young man up in his arms and pulling him into his lap. Burying his face against the warmth of Faramir’s neck, he closed his eyes and simply breathed in the scent he loved so dearly. “And I know I do not think to say it very often, but Gods, I love you Faramir.”

Sliding easily into Haldir’s lap, Faramir wrapped himself around his lover, holding him close. Little did Haldir know but Faramir did not find him weak at all, he found him to be incredibly strong for enduring such harsh training and still having a good heart beneath it all. “It is good that you do not have to understand me to love me then,” he teased just a little and snuggled against his lover. “You have no idea how much you mean to me Haldir… I would endure any pain, physical or emotional for you… not just to protect you as I did the night we met… but to share your burdens just as you share mine.”

Soft kisses were pressed against Faramir’s face as Haldir told him without words just how much he meant to the Elf who had such a difficult time saying what he felt the majority of the time, especially in situations like this. “I would prefer to carry both our burdens,” he murmured, still letting his hands roam lovingly over Faramir’s sleep-warmed skin, “but it seems you gave me no choice…” His words trailed off and he froze, pulling away only enough to see his lover’s eyes in the moonlight. “Faramir, I… gods, it almost sounds like we have formed a bond… a bond like Elves who mate for life form when they have se… make love. But… that cannot be possible.”

Faramir was enjoying the way that Haldir was kissing him and the way that his lover touched him but suddenly the Elf drew away. Puzzled, he stared at Haldir in the dim light. “But… but I am not an Elf, how can that be possible? No… no it just must be my ability to have visions… right?” Faramir asked curiously. Could it be possible for a human and an Elf to share such a bond? Though there was little doubt that his love for Haldir was for life.

Stunned at the very idea – especially the idea the he was capable of even forming a bond – not to mention with a human, Haldir toyed idly with a lock of Faramir’s hair and tried to think. “But… you felt everything, as I always do in my dreams, and that is always one of the first signs of an Elven bond. And that day that your… that you were taken to the mausoleum, I heard you somehow – I heard you calling out for me, but we both know I was too far away and you were unconscious anyway.” He stopped, wound his lover’s hair around his finger and lifted his other hand to rub tiredly over his face. “I… am frankly quite confused…”

Faramir sat for a moment thinking about Haldir’s words. Thinking of how he always felt warmer when Haldir was near, how his pain seemed less when he was close, how he’d fought the healers even in Rohan when Haldir’s touch he accepted so easily and then of course Haldir was right. How had he heard him that day? “If… if that is what is happening a bond forming or… has already formed between us… are you glad or… or would you rather it would not?” Faramir asked, worried about the answer. They had spoken of the short term only, staying together yes but neither of them had spoken of a lifetime.

Haldir thought about Faramir’s question for a moment, his eyes traveling over luxurious dark hair, loving and beautiful blue eyes, and soft, perfect lips. He had never thought it was possible for him to fall in love, but there was no denying that he had. As he studied his lover’s face, he knew that no matter how long he lived, he would never find another love like the one he shared with this man. His arms moved back around Faramir’s body and gently pulled him close again. Smiling only slightly, he pressed his lips over his lover’s and let his tongue delve just inside. He was feeling a bit foolish after saying and thinking all the romantic things he’d shared, but not foolish enough to completely back away. “I think I could tolerate being bound to you forever,” he whispered.

Faramir sank into the kiss, feeling warmth flood through his body as Haldir kissed him gently. It was such a tender kiss that Faramir’s breath was almost taken away from him as he stared into his lover’s eyes. He smiled at Haldir’s words. “I think I could tolerate that as well,” he whispered in return. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to Haldir’s again and then buried his face against his neck.

Haldir lay back against the pillows, still cradling Faramir against him, and turned over on his side. Rarely did he let his side of himself be seen, but in a way, it was good that he had, because now at least, Faramir understood why most emotions were so hard for him to speak of. He still planned on doing his best to keep his lover from the pain he’d suffered as an Elfling, but he somehow thought that he wouldn’t be having those dreams quite as often. It was almost as if Faramir had done just as he’d said, and physically lifted some of the burden Haldir had always carried on his shoulders away. “I would tell you to stay out of my dreams, but you never listen to me anyway,” he sighed, tugging the blankets up over their shoulders. “So I suppose I shall just wish you happier dreams this time.”

Faramir moved easily into the cradle of Haldir’s arms and snuggled against him as he always had. He loved the feeling of their bodies pressed closely together like that. “Hmmm, I listen… I just do not always agree,” he argued teasingly and then frowned a little. “I am sorry for invading your dreams though… I do not know how it happened but… I know you did not wish to share that part of your past with me and it was as if I just went and looked on my own. I did not mean to though,” Faramir said after a few moments. He honestly had no idea how it was that he had shared Haldir’s dream and he certainly did not make a conscious effort to do so. Not as if he were purposefully snooping through Haldir’s effects.

Smiling in the near darkness, Haldir shrugged after a moment. “I did not wish anyone to see that, but only because you saw my shame – I was crying and helpless and lost – not the Elf you know today. That Elfling is long gone. He died that day and all possibilities of my being a ‘normal,’ loving Elf died with him. So you should be absolutely certain that I am what you want before we let this bond get any stronger. Once it is completely forged, it cannot be broken.”

Faramir looked up at his lover and shook his head. “You had nothing to be ashamed of, I did not feel pity for you Haldir… I felt anger toward your trainers and heartbreak because you deserved to be treated better than that. That is all. There is no shame in what you felt. Do you feel ashamed of me when I cry? I do not think you know how to handle it but you are not ashamed of me,” he whispered. Thinking for only a moment Faramir pressed his lips to Haldir’s gently. “And I do want you… just the way you are, I always have.”

“I have never been ashamed of you,” Haldir said honestly, almost purring as they shared their body heat and the delicious sensation of flesh on flesh with no barriers between them relaxed him back to drowsiness. “And as for what you want… well, you have me, guren. You have me…”

Faramir smiled as his body began to relax against Haldir’s, his body still tired from all the work they’d done that day. “Mmm, and you have me, love…” he whispered in return as he settled against Haldir and began to drift back to sleep again. He was still surprised about a possible bond between them… how can a human and an Elf form a bond? But there was no doubting that something more was at work. He had questions but for now he just wished to sleep.

Just in case, Haldir tried to steer his mind toward happier times, but found that the only really happy memories he had were already shared with Faramir. He concentrated on those memories however, and hoped that if Faramir happened to wander into his dreams again, that at least this time, he would find pleasant ones. “Night, meleth. Sleep well…”

Chapter 19

In the coming weeks the final push of the war came to Minas Tirith and much of the lower levels of the city were destroyed. Aragorn and his party, along with the Rohirrim arrived just in time to keep the city from being completely overrun. The battle was swift and many died. In the end good overcame evil, two little hobbits saved them all… and in the weeks that followed, healing and rebuilding began.

Aragorn took his place as king and Faramir handed over many of the daily tasks of running Gondor to him, though Aragorn did ask him to continue as steward and asked that he oversee much of the reconstruction of the city.

On many occasions the two men had to work closely, long hours pouring over documents and trying to decide the best course for Gondor and her people. Haldir continued to help Faramir but often the young man was sequestered in the king’s study working.

The two were standing at the window looking out at some of the reconstruction when Aragorn turned to the man beside him. “There are times when I look at you that I see Boromir,” he said softly.

Faramir smiled wistfully. “That is a great compliment, sire.”

Haldir had just been hoping for a moment of Faramir’s time to look over the last of the reports he’d been working on. He had little hope of finding his lover in his study, however – it seemed that every time he turned around, Faramir was with Aragorn. He’d thought it would be a huge relief to have the king return to Minas Tirith, but now Faramir seemed to work more than ever. On one level, Haldir understood it, on the other; he wanted their lives back.

As expected, Faramir wasn’t in his study, or the library or the council room. Of course he would be in Aragorn’s study, the Elf thought darkly. He didn’t know why he even bothered going anywhere else first. As he walked toward the doorway, he noticed it was open and keen Elven ears caught Faramir’s response. That is a great compliment, sire.

Haldir couldn’t help it. He rolled his eyes and frowned, thinking that Aragorn, while entirely too friendly for his tastes anyway, had seemed to be especially friendly and sociable toward Faramir. He had to admit the new king was kind, thoughtful, and, having been raised amongst the Elves, intelligent and gentle as well. In short, everything Haldir himself was not. He stopped just outside the door, telling himself he was giving his reports one final glance before he gave them to Faramir, but he knew deep in his heart what he was really doing… eavesdropping.

Faramir sighed as he thought of his brother and leaned against the balcony. “I miss him,” he admitted softly.

Aragorn nodded beside him. “I do too… he and I had… grown close on our travels,” the dark haired man said looking off in the distance.

“He would have been a better steward than I am… he was trained for it. I am afraid that I am just stumbling along,” Faramir said after a moment and then cleared his throat. “Forgive me… I should not have said that.”

“No, no it is all right,” Aragorn said after a moment. “If you were absolutely certain about everything I might question if you were right for the job. I could not ask for a better steward.”

Haldir gritted his teeth and thought that his hands would fit rather nicely around Aragorn’s throat. He knew Faramir was a good steward, and wanted to be happy that the king thought so as well, but there was something about the low, soothing quality of Aragorn’s voice as he complimented Faramir again and again… and again. He wants him. The only being I have ever in my life loved, and someone else wants him… how can this be happening? Can he not get someone who isn’t already taken? Frowning, he silently pushed the door open a bit and looked across the room. Gods, does he have to stand so close like that? And can Faramir not move away?

“I must be very right for the job then because I am very, very uncertain,” Faramir teased a little and Aragorn laughed.

“Under the circumstances… I think we are all a little uncertain. I avoided who I even was for years because of uncertainty,” Aragorn explained. “But you… you have lost so much… and yet you can still smile and laugh… none of it has broken your spirit. I very much admire you for that, Faramir.” As he spoke the last, Aragorn reached out and rested his hand on Faramir’s arm, caressing it reassuringly as he spoke. “Every time I see you smile I remember what we fought so hard for… Gondor’s people are stronger than anyone could have imagined and you are a testament to that.”

Faramir had no idea how to respond and simply stood there for a few moments staring at the work being done in the distance. He finally settled on the simple phrase of “Thank you.”

Haldir’s mouth dropped open as Aragorn touched Faramir and he simply stood in shock for a moment, noting that Faramir didn’t even try to move away. Just as his lover was answering the king, the Elf lost what little self-control he had. Thrusting the door open so hard it banged against the cold stone wall behind it, Haldir strode into the room, face flushed and eyes blazing, throwing the papers he’d worked so long and hard on, on the king’s desk. He was livid, and made no effort to hide it from either Aragorn or Faramir. “By the Gods, if you are going to try and seduce him, Aragorn, you might at least close the door first!”

Faramir jumped when the door crashed against the wall behind them and he stood for a moment simply gaping at his lover. “Seduce me?” Faramir blurted in shock and looked at Aragorn beside him. ??Gods… why would he think that? Aragorn was just being kind is all… ?? Then he remembered Haldir’s reactions in Rohan to the young healer and his friend Emil. After all this time Haldir was still jealous of others even though Faramir had told him over and over again that he loved him?

The king’s eyes were wide as he stared at the Elf and shook his head quickly. “I am afraid you are mistaken, I was not trying to seduce him, Haldir,” Aragorn answered carefully, seeing just how angry the Elf was. Yes, Aragorn was confident in battle but he certainly did not wish to tangle with an angry Haldir.

“Yes, seduce you,” Haldir snapped at Faramir, glowering. “And do not tell me this is like Emil! He is not one of your Rangers!” Before Faramir could answer, Haldir turned his attention back to the King. “And you! Always touching him, always demanding his time… you want him so badly you can hardly think, do you not? Endless meetings in your study, endless late nights, and did I mention that you are always touching him?” He moved closer, stopping only a hair’s breadth away from Aragorn, shaking with anger. “Well, let me tell you this, sire, you might spend your every waking moment dreaming of bedding him, but you will never love him like I do, you will never know what it’s like to have someone see inside your heart, see the darkness there, and love you despite that darkness, and by the Gods, I will fight for him with more strength and power and absolute devotion than you ever thought of fighting Sauron with!”

Faramir started to open his mouth to argue but Haldir had turned his attention to the king and began dressing him down as a commander on a battle field it seemed. But when Haldir moved closer, Faramir found himself unable to be angry or even insulted because Haldir’s next words quite simply melted his heart.

Aragorn’s eyes widened and he forced himself not to shrink back as Haldir moved closer. He knew better than to show weakness to an Elf trained by Lord Celeborn himself. He could not believe his ears though of all the beings on Arda, he would have never thought of hearing Haldir speak of love in quite that way. He shook his head. “I do not want him, Haldir… well I do want him as my steward and my friend but not in the way you think. He does remind me of his brother who… who was in fact my lover. I loved Boromir greatly… but I do not wish to share that with his brother. Only his memory… I swear to you that is all.”

Shocked to hear that Aragorn and Faramir’s beloved brother had been lovers, Haldir’s mouth fell open for a moment, then quickly snapped shut. The king’s intentions had seemed so obvious a moment before, but now… he was no longer quite as certain. Aragorn certainly looked sincere. His anger abated somewhat, and he took a step back, looking from Aragorn to Faramir and back again. “Well… just so you know,” he said, now having to force himself to sound angry. “I love him… and I do not like to see him pawed at. He was seriously injured not too long ago, and your constantly touching him might… might cause him harm.” He was feeling distinctly embarrassed now as he backed toward the doorway. “And… if your intentions change, know that I am watching… and I will always fight for him, with my every last breath, for as long as I live.” Turning his gaze toward Faramir he had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “And… and here is the report you wanted, meleth. On Ara… the King’s desk. Good day.” With that, he stiffened his back, put his usual disdainful look on his face and with as much dignity as possible, headed out of the room.

Faramir saw the embarrassment in Haldir’s eyes and felt badly for him. It may have seemed the way Haldir saw everything if he had been the one witnessing it. At any rate he wasn’t angry with him that was for certain, he was touched that Haldir loved him that much to stand up even to the king and what he’d said… Gods, Faramir could not believe how loved his words made him feel. “Haldir… Haldir wait,” he said after a moment. “Excuse me, sire… I need to…” Aragorn nodded understandingly as Faramir headed out of the room after his lover. “Haldir… love, wait, please,” he said walking quickly to catch up with his lover.

The Elf’s face was flushed again, though this time not with anger. He’d made a fool of himself, and now he’d upset Faramir. When would he learn to control his legendary temper and stop jumping to conclusions? He slowed, then stopped, looking straight ahead, ready for Faramir’s anger, and knowing that he deserved every bit of it. “I am sorry. I had no right, I know. I just saw him… touching you and…” He paused, sighed and kept staring ahead, down the empty hallway. “I am sorry, Faramir.”

“You know I really should be angry,” Faramir said softly as he noticed Haldir wouldn’t even look at him. “I should be upset that you’d believe that I would accept advances if they were made. I told you once just because I gave myself easily to you I do not do so with others… and I should be hurt that you do not believe I love you enough to not want to be with another. The only problem is… you said some things… that I doubt you thought were sweet at all but they nearly melted my heart and made me love you even more though I am not sure it is possible,” Faramir finally stopped speaking and reached out to tangle his fingers with Haldir’s. “I should be angry but hearing that you love me that much… makes it very hard to be.”

Chapter 20

Shifting uncomfortably, Haldir shrugged, and risked a glance at his lover. “I… only told the truth,” he said a bit gruffly. “There have only ever been two things in my life worth fighting for – Lothlórien and the safety of the Elves who called her home, because it was my duty; and you, because… well, you know why.” He was stumbling again, wondering if Aragorn or someone else was eavesdropping on him, as he himself had done only moments before. “I should not have believed that you would welcome his advances, I know… I just did not take time to think. I just… reacted.” Giving Faramir’s hand a light squeeze, he met his lover’s gaze and gave a half smile. “So… you are not angry, then? We can pretend this never happened?”

“I do know why,” Faramir smiled and sighed in answer to Haldir’s last question. “I am not angry… I really should be you know but… its hard to be angry with you for loving me isn’t it?” Faramir moved closer and rested his hand against his lover’s cheek gently. “It only hurts that you would not trust me.” With that he stepped back and began to walk toward their chambers. “I think perhaps… we need to discuss that and that I need to find some way to make you understand that I would never under any circumstance wish for any others touch than yours.”

Haldir cheered up a bit, though he still felt terrible for hurting Faramir’s feelings. Almost meekly, he followed his lover back to their chambers and vowed to make this up to him and earn his forgiveness. As soon as they were inside, he gathered Faramir against him and kissed him deeply, enfolding him into his embrace as one would the most precious and fragile treasure, though he knew Faramir was anything but fragile. “You only want me because you know I am the best kisser on all of Arda, do you not?” he teased.

Faramir wasn’t sure what he could do to convince Haldir that he would never accept the advances of anyone else, not even the king, but he knew that he would need to try. It stood to reason having never had a relationship before that Haldir just… wasn’t accustomed to having to deal with such things. He couldn’t blame him, now knowing how he was trained and how he had lived his life. Unexpectedly he was gathered into his lover’s arms though and he sank against him, enjoying the deep kiss that made his toes curl and his heart skip in his chest. He laughed softly as his fingers threaded through soft golden hair. “Aye, I suppose that is a part of it,” he grinned. “Do you believe me when I say that I love you? That I need and want you in my life? If I did not we would not… share dreams you know. I firmly believe if we did not truly love one another the bond we do have would not exist.”

Nodding slowly, Haldir searched his lover’s eyes, seeing only honesty in their beloved blue depths. “Aye, you are right,” he admitted. “A bond can only form when there is great love on both sides… and since you are not of Elven blood, I can only think that we share a great love indeed to overcome the boundaries of conventional bonds. It is just that…” He sighed, but didn’t turn away as was his first instinct, and kept holding Faramir close. “It is just that everyone loves Aragorn. He is kind and gentle and all the things I am not. He is all that you deserve, Faramir, and I suppose that I am…” He stopped, swallowed back his uneasiness, and hated himself for his thoughts. “I am afraid that you would be happier with him one day… if not now, then one day in the future.”

“Oh love,” Faramir said softly and shook his head. “I do not see me ever having the desire to give up what we have. You cannot see what I see in you. Aye, it’s true you do frustrate me to no end sometimes,” he grinned. “But wouldn’t life be so boring if not? I love everything about you and our relationship and I have no desire to be with anyone else. The king is a good man and I do think he is lonely and while I’ll offer him my friendship… that is all I want to share with him.”

Haldir let the tips of his fingers trace over Faramir’s face and thought about his words. “Aye… I would have no desire to give up what we have either,” he said softly. “I do trust you, meleth. I suppose that… sometimes I just do not trust my ability to keep you loving me. I know I am not the easiest Elf to be around, let alone live with, so any doubts I have are more for myself than you.” Slowly, his hand slid to the back of Faramir’s neck and he kissed each corner of his lover’s mouth. “I truly am sorry. And I promise, it will never happen again.”

“You have doubts?” Faramir asked teasingly. “The greatest warrior on Arda has doubts?” He couldn’t help himself and shook his head. “I know you did not mean to hurt me, you were just… trying to protect yourself. It does make sense but just know that I will always love you. But I do accept your apology, love… though I think Aragorn is probably never going to ever even shake my hand again,” he laughed.

“Does he really need to?” Haldir asked only half teasingly, pulling Faramir against him once again. Resting his cheek on the top of his lovers’ head, he closed his eyes and simply breathed in the scent he loved so well. “I will never make such a public display of my temper again, especially before the king, but perhaps he could not keep you so late every evening once everything is back to normal? I miss you, and these rooms are lonely when you are not in them.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir held him close and he wrapped his arms around his lover even tighter than before. “I miss you too,” Faramir said softly. “I will ask him if it would be possible now that the reconstruction is underway if I can work just a little bit less now. I think he is worried because he has never tried to rule as a king before, he’s been a leader as a ranger and coming from a similar situation I can understand that he is probably overcompensating. If it were not for you in my first few weeks I might have gone insane myself,” he admitted. It was true, when he first took over the stewardship he had been completely lost, had it not been for Haldir’s strength and support during that time, Faramir was certain he would have failed spectacularly.

“Me?” Haldir tried to sound dismissive, but was actually quite touched that Faramir had relied on him during those first difficult weeks. “I was merely a distraction.” He lowered his head, kissing a warm, wet trail from his lover’s temple, over his ear, and across his jawline, stopping only when he reached the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Nibbling and marking the pale skin with his teeth and tongue, he smiled and then continued, sounding positively wicked. “Like this… I distracted you often, if I recall correctly…”

Faramir laughed softly when Haldir said he was a distraction, that much was quite true but a good distraction, one that took his mind off of his worries. Heat flooded through his veins when Haldir’s lips moved over his skin, his body always responding easily to his lover’s. “Mmm, you did… and you do distract me… but in the most wonderful of ways,” Faramir answered letting his hands move over Haldir’s back. He was impatient to touch him and pushed the thick tunic up to feel his lover’s warm skin beneath. It was the middle of the day, he still had much work yet to do but at this moment none of that mattered. The work would be there later but stealing time in the middle of the day with his lover was too good a thing to pass up. Gasping as Haldir’s teeth grazed his neck, Faramir’s head fell back.

As he was granted easier access to his lover’s body, Haldir’s hands began tugging at his tunic, then the lacings of his breeches, all the time keeping Faramir distracted with soft kisses to his neck or the sensitive nubs of his nipples as he quickly and efficiently rid them both of their clothes. He held Faramir steady and kissed him until they were both breathless as they toed off their boots, then moaned in pleasure when their now bare skin came in full contact. Not wanting to waste time walking over to the bed, Haldir simply pushed Faramir back against the wall, gently pinning him there as he kissed a trail down the center of his chest. One hand rested on each of his lover’s hips as he ran his tongue over Faramir’s already lengthening shaft, licking away the precome that was seeping from the swollen tip.

Almost overwhelmed with sensation, Faramir found himself breathing heavily as he was pressed against the wall. He watched his lover with heavily lidded eyes and when Haldir lowered to his knees before him that way, he felt his arousal jump, slick fluid already leaking from the tip. Gods, it always made him feel so important to Haldir when he did that… because he knew that Haldir had never done this with any other in all the thousands of years he had lived. He gasped and moaned softly as a warm tongue moved against him and he felt the heat of Haldir’s mouth surround him. Faramir’s fingers curled in the soft blond mane and he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the sight of Haldir on his knees before him, his mouth around his shaft that way.

Haldir took Faramir deep in his throat, swallowing around his erection, and laving the sensitive flesh with this tongue, all the while sucking gently. As he pulled back, he reached toward the chest of drawers beside them, fumbling blindly for one of the small vials of oil they’d tucked in various parts of the room for occasions such as these, when they didn’t have the time nor the patience to make it to the bed. Gods, he loved tasting Faramir this way, he thought, loved the soft moans that fell from his lips and the little whimpers of pleasure that filled the room. As he slicked his fingers with the oil, he urged his lover’s legs apart with his free hand and slid his middle finger along the cleft of his backside, looking up and watching already dark eyes darken and dilate even further.

Faramir was certain that Haldir did not understand completely what he did to him. How much he wanted and loved him or how much pleasure he was giving him. His moan was low and deep when he felt a slick finger move against him and his eyes remained fixed on his lover as he widened his stance even more and found himself entranced by the look in Haldir’s eyes. There was no doubt how much he was loved, that much was certain, even if Haldir’s earlier words and jealous reaction hadn’t reaffirmed that. His body opened quickly to his lover, still slightly relaxed from the night before. “Gods, love,” he murmured as Haldir’s mouth sank down on him again.

The slick digit quickly slid deep inside Faramir’s body, burying itself to the knuckle. Haldir carefully added a second, then a third, all the while working the thick column of flesh in his mouth as his fingers worked at stretching his lover’s entrance. His own cock was aching and a single, large drop of fluid dripped onto the floor beneath them, finally causing the Elf to close his eyes and moan. He knew Faramir was close, so he avoided that small bundle of nerves that would drive his lover over the edge, simply pushing his fingers in deep, then drawing them back until they were almost free, then driving them back in again. Finally, he pulled away and kissed his way back up to the sweetness that was Faramir’s mouth, kissing him deeply. “Need you, meleth,” he whispered hoarsely against soft, full lips as he easily lifted Faramir onto the chest of drawers beside them and positioned himself between his legs.

Completely caught up in the moment, Faramir wouldn’t have recognized his own voice as he moaned and whispered words of endearment to his lover. His body accepted the long slick fingers easily and his hips moved of their own accord as Haldir continued to pleasure him. He whimpered when Haldir drew away and one of his soft moans was caught in his lover’s mouth as they kissed. He could taste himself on Haldir’s tongue and it drove his own passion even higher. “Gods, I need you too, love,” he whispered in response. When he was lifted so effortlessly he marveled for a moment at how powerful Haldir was though he was always gentle with Faramir. His legs wrapped around a slim waist and Faramir’s hand fumbled for the oil next to him. He reached down to stroke his lover’s hard shaft and help guide Haldir toward his entrance. “I love you,” he whispered as he kissed soft Elven lips.

Seldom did it occur to Haldir to say those words, though he felt them all the time. When they were making love, however, (and he no longer thought of it as having sex), the words easily fell from his tongue and he felt no fear or embarrassment in saying them. As his hips slowly thrust forward and he sheathed himself inside the tight heat of Faramir’s body, he tangled his fingers in long, dark hair and nibbled on his lover’s bottom lip. “I love you, guren,” he whispered, burying himself that final, delicious inch, and holding Faramir close against him as he gave him time to adjust. ??You have no idea how much or how deeply… ??

Haldir did not often say that he loved Faramir but when he did it made it all the more special, certainly never words that the young man would take for granted. And he felt loved beyond measure. Haldir was not the type of Elf to bestow endearments or constant displays of affection especially in front of others… but Faramir felt loved even when he did not do those things. It was in how he looked at him with those dazzling blue eyes.

Faramir’s body was completely open to Haldir’s, adjusting to the hard shaft within him and trying to steady his breathing as he clung to his lover. Gods, just that alone was almost enough to send him over the edge. He shifted his hips just a little giving him silent permission to move as his lips were otherwise occupied with marking his lover’s neck.

Haldir’s arms wound tightly around Faramir’s waist, holding him steady as he slowly began to thrust. His head fell back and golden hair covered his lover’s arms like a silk curtain as Faramir clung to him so willingly. After a moment, he tilted his head forward again, burying his face against Faramir’s neck, setting up a slow rhythm of deep thrusts, making sure the head of his cock nudged Faramir’s sweet spot with every inward thrust, then again as he backed away until he was almost free again. The air in their chambers was cool, but both of their bodies were glistening with sweat, sliding chest against chest, nipple against nipple, thigh against thigh. “And to think,” he murmured, nibbling on his lover’s earlobe as he continued moving, “I always scoffed when someone said they had met the Elf – or person – that was ‘made for them’. Gods, how you have proven that little statement to be true…”

The feeling of their bodies moving as one was always incredible. Faramir thought that it should be impossible for two people to be so perfectly matched but here it was. His head fell back as Haldir began to thrust, the pace starting off slowly but building with each movement. His breathing was harsh and irregular, broken only with soft moans and whimpers as they made love. He smiled and leaned his head toward Haldir offering him easier access to his ear. “We are… I was just thinking that too… how perfectly matched… we… are,” his words were broken as each deep thrust drove his breath from him. His legs tightened as his lover’s arousal dragged against that perfect spot inside him and his muscles tightened. He was so close to the edge that he was certain at any moment he would lose control. “So close, love.”

Slipping one hand between them, Haldir began stroking Faramir’s weeping shaft, tugging firmly each time he pulled out, then sliding his hand back down with each inward thrust of his own sex. Each time his hand would come up, he would slide his thumb over the leaking tip, gathering the fluid there and making his fingers slide more easily with each stroke. He moved faster and deeper with every passing second and was soon on the edge himself. “Now,” he managed, panting as he felt his cock twitch inside the gripping walls of Faramir’s inner passage and stiffened even further. With no more warning than that one single word, his balls drew up close to his body, and he thrust one last time, spilling deeply inside the man he loved, still stroking the organ in his hand as he did so.

Faramir had been certain early on in their relationship that Haldir had never really touched other lovers the way he did him. The thought always made him feel special and in the last several months he’d needed that feeling with all the pressure he had been under. Haldir probably had no idea the comfort he brought with such an action or even the way he teased Faramir sometimes. His mind however lost all train of thought as their passion built, everything blurred out except the pleasure that he felt. When he felt the cock inside him twitch and grow even harder he knew before Haldir even spoke the word that his lover was close. The feeling of his lover pulsing and spilling inside him was enough to drive Faramir over the edge as well, crying out as Haldir’s hand tightened around him and continued to move, dragging out his pleasure as his own muscles clenched tight around Haldir’s shaft milking it until he was completely spent.

Breathing fast and damp with sweat, Haldir leaned heavily on his lover, still massaging the slowly softening organ in his hand, though not touching the tip, which he now knew made Faramir squirm with discomfort. His touch was soothing and gentle, just the way Faramir liked it, and to his great surprise, he realized with a start that to give pleasure to this man in his arms had simply become second nature to him. He instinctively remembered all the places Faramir liked to be touched, and the places he didn’t; how softly or firmly, when and exactly how it would bring the most pleasure, and those wonderful, soft little sighs of contentment from beloved lips. Without a word, he released Faramir’s now spent cock and wrapped both arms around him again, then carried him to the bed, still buried inside him, though not as deeply and no longer hard. Gently laying his lover back on the bed, Haldir covered him with his own body and smiled down at him. “I think you approve of my distraction methods,” he teased, licking at the corners of Faramir’s lips. “Either that, or you are highly adept at pretending you do.”

Smiling as he was gathered in strong arms, Faramir simply tightened his legs around Haldir’s waist and held on as he was carried to the bed. He sucked in a breath as his lover’s spent organ moved inside his still sensitive body. Gods it felt wonderful to feel like it was a part of Haldir like that. He smiled up at Haldir and twisted a lock of golden hair around his fingertip. “I do not think I am that good at pretending,” he grinned. He sighed as his legs moved a little, his heel caressing the back of Haldir’s calf. “Do you think we can just stay here for the rest of the day?”

“Do you think I was really planning on moving so you could go back to work?” Haldir teased, though of course, if Faramir wanted to, he would have protested, but untangled himself and watched him leave. Faramir, he realized, had tamed an Elf no one believed tameable and in the process had not only saved his life, but often made him feel a bit romantic as well – something Haldir, and all of Lothlórien, had never believed possible. “Besides, after my rather rude display of temper, I am quite certain Aragorn expects you to either spend the rest of the day fighting… or making up… and does not plan on seeing you until tomorrow anyway.”

Faramir laughed softly and tugged teasingly on the hair wrapped around his finger. “You are a naughty Elf,” he grinned, “but most likely right… besides I do not think I would be able to focus on work after that anyway. I would much rather focus on you.” It was true if he had his wish he would spend more time with Haldir just being with him, though Aragorn had assured him before that one day soon that would be the case. It would not be soon enough though. “We could nap for a bit and then have an early dinner sent up… and perhaps… a bath. I wonder if I can try again to lick you dry?” He waggled his eyebrows just a little as he grinned.

Haldir chuckled even as he shuddered deliciously from the mental image. He would have loved to simply take Faramir away from Gondor, if only for a short while. He had the position of steward thrust upon him before he had completely healed, and had worked too long and too hard in the months since, despite the fact that Aragorn had arrived and their lives seemed to be settling down. A nice little vacation was what he needed, the Elf thought, already trying to figure out just when and where Faramir would like to go. “I would be quite disappointed if I had to use a towel after that suggestion,” he teased, gently pulling out of his lover and rolling to lay beside him, pressing a chaste kiss to his shoulder.

Faramir gasped just a bit as Haldir pulled away and settled beside him, almost grinning foolishly as he felt a trickle of his lover’s release run down his thigh. “Then no towels tonight,” he grinned and rolled to look at Haldir. He yawned and laughed a little. “More tired than I thought I was… I suppose definitely nap first…” he snuggled against Haldir and closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, his body feeling completely relaxed.

Letting his hands roam freely, Haldir kneaded the muscles of Faramir’s back and arms, smiling when he felt how relaxed he really was. “Definitely a nap first,” he agreed, cleaning his lover’s stomach off with the edge of the blanket, then his own. “Sleep well guren.”

Stifling another yawn, Faramir smiled as Haldir tended him so gently. Something so at odds with his personality sometimes that it would be confusing to others. Faramir knew him so well now though that he knew just what sort of heart Haldir had and what gentleness he did possess. Yes he was uncomfortable showing it, especially in public but when they were alone… Haldir was quite the sweet romantic sometimes though it seemed to mostly be unconscious efforts Faramir thought those were probably the most rewarding because they were unplanned. “You too, my love,” he whispered smiling as he snuggled in closer and threw his leg over one of Haldir’s.

Haldir was suddenly tired as well, his entire body becoming boneless as Faramir curled up against him and one leg moved possessively over his own. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his lover’s sweet smelling hair, drifting off to sleep as he remembered his embarrassing behavior in Aragorn’s office. He probably should apologize, but he’d never been good at those things, so… he decided to just grace the king with a smile the next time he saw him, and hope he would be satisfied with that. After all, not many people were treated to that other than his beloved Faramir, and Haldir had the idea that Aragorn probably realized that, and would understand the meaning behind it, even if he didn’t hear the words.

Chapter 21

The weeks and months passed in a blur of work rebuilding the city of Minas Tirith and rebuilding relationships between all the other realms. During that time armies combined of men of all the realms and even some Elves had dealt with remaining bands of Orcs. The world was slowly but surely learning what peace really was. Slowly but surely Faramir no longer had to work the long hours he had before. He and Haldir could enjoy more free time and could spend it however they wished.

Others too had found free time as well and when Faramir’s uncle had come to him and told him that he was getting married, Faramir had been thrilled for Imrahil. Because Imrahil’s intended had so many relatives in Gondor they were to be wed there by the king himself and had asked for Faramir to stand for him.

The day of the wedding arrived and Faramir was sorting through the clothing laid out on the bed. “I had it only a minute ago,” he murmured as he searched.

Haldir, who was adjusting the combs in his hair and muttering about having to actually mingle with so many people looked over at his lover curiously. “Well, if you cannot find it – whatever it might be, we should really stay here, don’t you think? I am sure Imrahil could find someone else to stand with him, and…”

Faramir frowned as he looked up at his lover. “I think my uncle would be very upset if number one I did not attend since I am his best man and number two if I… oh Gods… lost the ring,” he muttered the last as he picked up his tunic and felt inside the inner pocket. Immediately he closed his eyes and let out a quick breath. “I forgot I already put it in the pocket last night…” He looked up at Haldir who was still frowning and crossed to him, still needing to dress himself but he reached up and finished adjusting the combs that Haldir had been fussing with. “You do not have to go if you really do not want to, you can just wait here and I’ll return as soon as it is over with.”

“I just do not see the point of having half the city dress up and watch one declare one’s everlasting love to someone who might betray you the next day,” Haldir shrugged, though he took Faramir’s hand when it had finished adjusting his comb and kissed the palm. “I think humans do not recognize their lifemates, unlike Elves and, in this case, you and I. What if they decide they hate one another next year, or next week? Then they will have made fools of themselves in front of all of Gondor! But, no, I would not have you go alone. If nothing else, I can appreciate when the most handsome man in all of Gondor stands before the city in all his glory, looking delicious enough to eat. I would not miss that for anything.”

Faramir sighed as Haldir spoke so jadedly about weddings. “But you do not know that Imrahil’s lover will betray him tomorrow… that is the chance humans take for love,” Faramir said softly. He smiled a little as Haldir complimented him and ran his hand down the front of Haldir’s tunic appreciatively. “And I must admit I want you there with me… if nothing else for all of Gondor to see how lucky I am,” he grinned and backed away so that he could finish getting dressed. When he was ready to put on his cloak he looked at his lover and smiled. Reaching up was still difficult since his injury and besides, he liked having Haldir close and helping him with the clasp. “If you will help me with my cloak, I promise to not make you be nice to people you do not even know and we can leave as soon as you like.”

Haldir laughed softly, already having Faramir’s cloak in his hands. He carefully laid it over his lover’s shoulders with a gentleness none but Faramir had ever known he possessed, then pulled his hair from beneath it. He paused only to press a kiss against the soft, warm skin of the neck he had kissed and licked and marked so many times before, then reached around Faramir and fastened the clasp. “You look stunning,” he said simply, before drawing away and wrapping his own cloak around his shoulders. “And remember your promises, please. I would hate to embarrass you in front of your… friends, but you know I usually cannot help myself. They are so… touchy – always wanting to hug or clasp hands or…” At the very ideas, the golden Elf shuddered, but continued. “And besides that, they laugh at things that are not funny in the least.”

Faramir found himself grinning and trying desperately not to laugh. Haldir was being perfectly serious and he knew how it unsettled the Elf to be touched by anyone and wasn’t exactly keen on anyone touching Faramir though he had learned to tolerate it at least after the day of the misunderstanding with Aragorn. Haldir had a jealous streak yes, but he wasn’t controlling or mean spirited he just… wasn’t accustomed to a relationship was all and was certainly not accustomed to the feelings he had. They had both grown to understand that and Faramir knew now that Haldir never distrusted him, he only feared he would find someone more… open than Haldir. Faramir however had no desire for anyone but the Elf he was in love with. “I will remember my promises… now come on, I do not want to be late,” he said taking Haldir’s hand. “People always giggle whenever we are late… they always assume… well… they have been right sometimes but not always.”

The corners of Haldir’s mouth twitched as their fingers laced together and they headed out the door. “More often than not,” he conceded. They made their way to the largest garden in Gondor that was just outside of the King’s rooms, and even Haldir had to admit it was even more lovely than usual. Noticing Imrahil looking decidedly nervous and gesturing frantically for Faramir to join him, Haldir hung back and gave his lover’s hand a gentle squeeze. I will wait for you back here, out of the way, and hopefully this will be over soon. I get the distinct feeling that Ranger over there thinks that today of all days, I will be nice to him, and he can stop by and… what do you say? Chat? Perhaps you should stop on your way and tell him is it not a good idea?”

Faramir laughed as Haldir answered him and took his hand. Well… there was truth in it after all but still… it wasn’t always the case… just most of the time, he thought peevishly. When they arrived in the garden, Faramir saw Imrahil gesturing and he sighed as he looked at Haldir. “I will make an attempt,” he grinned and started to lean over to kiss Haldir’s cheek but knew things like that made Haldir feel awkward so he just squeezed his hand and started to make his way toward his uncle.

Haldir had been glaring at the Ranger in question, hoping he wouldn’t come over at all, when he felt Faramir squeeze his hand and start to leave. Before he was very far away, however, he noticed a rather… odd feeling in the air. Couples were kissing, holding hands, being affectionate… all in all, he supposed the very air around them felt very… romantic. It was a wedding after all, and he had vowed to try and meet Faramir halfway in the displays of affection department. “Faramir,” he said softly, reaching out and gently wrapping his fingers around his lover’s arm and pulling him back a step. With that, he leaned down and kissed his lover’s cheek in the same manner everyone else seemed to be doing. Besides, it was never a great chore to touch or kiss this man he loved so dearly, even though he often had a hard time remembering that there was nothing wrong with doing it in public. He had no idea what to say afterward, and simply pulled away, blushing furiously, and giving Faramir a rather uncomfortable smile, hoping he had done everything correctly.

Thinking perhaps he’d forgotten something when Haldir grabbed his arm and spoke his name, Faramir was completely shocked when Haldir kissed his cheek that way. His heart seemed to flutter in his chest from the sweetness of it and he smiled brightly as his hand came up to rest on Haldir’s cheek. He simply smiled at his lover and slowly began to back away again, this time taking a few steps backwards before turning to meet his uncle. Haldir rarely ever kissed him in front of others, just holding hands sometimes was a chore for him so Faramir was very pleasantly surprised by the kiss and kept stealing glances over at his lover. It wasn’t long before everyone was assembled and in their places. Faramir felt around again in his pocket to make sure he had the ring and found his eyes searching out the small crowd for Haldir standing in the back of the garden apart from everyone else.

The golden Elf definitely looked unapproachable, just as he’d hoped. His arms were crossed over his chest and he wore a rather grim expression on his face that told anyone who dared to look what he thought of weddings in general… except when Faramir looked at him. At those times, he got a rather softened look on his face and his eyes might have sparkled a bit as he looked so proudly at his lover standing before everyone looking so handsome and noble. He still didn’t see the purpose for these elaborate ceremonies, and probably never would, but he was doing his best to suffer through it all quietly.

Faramir stood just to his uncle’s side and listened as Aragorn began to speak words about love, fidelity and honor all things he thought of when he thought of Haldir. He loved the Elf beyond reason and could think of no one in this world he would rather be with, even though Haldir had said many times that Faramir deserved someone who was kinder and gentler and friendly. He was very happy actually, more so than he could remember in years in fact.

Yes, they argued, but often times their arguments were with humor and even when they did really argue they made up easily and… usually in a way that made the argument more than worth it. He grinned a little at the thought and looked back toward Haldir, love clearly shining in his eyes for the Elf. In fact, he was so caught up in looking at his lover across the crowded garden that he had lost track of what was going on. Aragorn had tugged lightly on his sleeve so that others could not see and he startled as he reached for the ring having missed his cue. His face flushed a little but he simply smiled as he handed over the ring a part of him wishing that this were he and Haldir. He had no misconceptions that Haldir would ever want to marry him like this, such a public declaration but… it was a nice thought all the same. He did not even realize that as Imrahil spoke his vows and placed the ring on his beloved’s finger that Faramir’s face had taken on a wistful look.

Haldir didn’t take his eyes off Faramir and was actually startled to see the look on his face as he stared at the couple next to him as they exchanged their vows. Surely he couldn’t want this, could he? A few more moments passed and Faramir somehow managed to look even more captivating than before… almost as if he were dreaming about being in his uncle’s spot at that very moment.

Haldir’s heart pounded in his chest at the very thought. He’d never considered marriage – but then again, he’d never considered himself to be a part of such a special bond either, and look at him now. Centuries – or even a year ago – the very thought of such a public display of his emotions would have terrified him, but now, as he watched his lover, Haldir could almost picture the two of them up there together, repeating their vows and kissing, just as Imrahil and his lover were doing at that moment. To his utter surprise, he realized he wanted to do this for Faramir’s sake, because he obviously wanted it to – but he wanted to do it for them as well, to let everyone on Arda know that had found and celebrated a love that neither of them had ever known existed. Yes… he could definitely see himself married to Faramir. Now, if only he could gather up the courage to ask. Any other Elf or man might have planned a romantic dinner or a walk by the river, but Haldir was no other Elf… and felt there was no time like the present. He was now even more anxious than before for the wedding to be over, and cleared his throat loudly just as Imrahil and his lover were presented to the crowd, his impatience more than obvious as he shifted from foot to foot and kept glaring at anyone who seemed to want to approach him for any reason.

When the men beside him kissed, Faramir looked back again at Haldir and saw what he thought was irritation and impatience on the Elf’s face. He sighed inwardly, knowing that his lover would likely wish to leave very soon, possibly before Faramir could even congratulate his uncle and new husband. As they proceeded off the small dais, Faramir quickly made his way toward a decidedly impatient Haldir. “We can go as soon as you like… I just want to congratulate my uncle first then we can go, love,” he said softly as he stopped in front of Haldir.

Haldir found himself at a loss for words as Faramir stood before him. He knew what he wanted to say, – well, sort of – but had no idea how to say it. “You… want that, do you not? That… what they just had? A ceremony and rings and vows and…” He didn’t even have to suppress a shudder this time as he moved closer and took Faramir’s hand. “… and all these people witnessing it all? I can see it in your eyes.”

Faramir’s mouth dropped open as Haldir spoke and he snapped it shut quickly before shaking his head. His stomach flipped and he worried that Haldir would fear that Faramir would pressure him for something like that. He would never dream of pressuring Haldir for anything like that. He knew the Elf wasn’t comfortable with such things, even if it were true and Faramir did desire it. “No… no… it… it is just a ceremony,” he said unable to actually look at Haldir because he couldn’t seem to look at his lover when he lied.

Gently tugging on Faramir’s hand and pulling him a bit closer, Haldir had the answers he needed simply by the way his lover was refusing to meet his gaze. “I would not be… adverse to it,” he said carefully. “I mean… Aragorn is here and everyone you know is here practically, and I could purchase two rings in no time at all… if you want it that badly, I mean…”

Faramir looked at Haldir in shock. I would not be… adverse to it. As far as proposals went it wasn’t exactly the most romantic in the world but Faramir was almost tempted to take him up on it. But was Haldir doing this because he really wanted it to or… because he thought Faramir did? He frowned then and shook his head. “I… I do not know what to say… here? Now? But… but this is Imrahil and Beron’s day. It would be wrong to take the attention from them today.” He worried that this was just a fleeting thought for Haldir and that the Elf wasn’t considering what it would mean. It would mean declaring publicly that they were bound.

Haldir’s first reaction was to simply nod and back away, but he remembered the look on Faramir’s face as he stared at the newly wed couple, and somehow found the courage to continue. With every passing moment, the idea of not only being bound, but being married to Faramir sounded better and better. “How about tomorrow then? Or next week? You know Aragorn’s schedule – you know what day he might be free…”

“Haldir… I,” Faramir paused and looked at his lover, his brows furrowed and he shook his head. “You are serious… you… but… do you really want this? Do not do this just for my sake… Gods I cannot think of a worse reason to marry than just to make me happy… I am already happy, love,” he said softly. He didn’t want to refuse and wasn’t sure he could continue to refuse but Gods… Haldir couldn’t want marriage could he? Matching rings and standing up in front of everyone and sharing vows and kissing in front of everyone? It just wasn’t something Haldir liked… right?

Determined to at least put his heart into this and make sure Faramir understood, Haldir forgot that half of Gondor was watching and did the first thing that came to mind. Holding tight to his lover’s hand, he knelt down on one knee and looked up at the Man who had saved him in so many ways – more ways then he probably even knew. “Faramir, I love you, and I would be proud to be your husband and for you to be mine. I want all of Arda to see that even though I might not say or show it very well, that I adore you, and contrary to how I seem, I am not ashamed of feeling that way. I am just… unaccustomed to the feeling in general, let alone sharing it with strangers. If you need time, or are not sure, I understand, but I want this for me, for you… and most of all, for us… unless you find the idea terribly distasteful, and would rather stay as we are…?”

Faramir’s eyes widened as Haldir took his hand and lowered to one knee. He looked around at the other guests and even the king and newlyweds who looked almost as surprised as he felt. His eyes went quickly back to Haldir’s, not sure he did understand all of what he was saying. He wants to be my husband? Hearing the words that Haldir wasn’t ashamed of their love made his heart feel lighter, there were times he had worried that the Elf was uncomfortable with the idea of loving a man. He found himself smiling and then actually laughed when he went on about the idea being terribly distasteful. He shook his head and rather than remaining standing he lowered himself to his knees before his lover. “I am happy as we are… but… I would be very proud and honored to be your husband and for you to be mine. I love you Haldir… and while rings and a ceremony and the word husband are merely symbols of the love we already share, I do wish to share those too with you.”

The Elf truly had forgotten their audience and impulsively wrapped his arms around Faramir and leaned him back in his embrace. “Since neither of us are adverse to the idea,” he said as he lowered his head and licked at Faramir’s lips, “I think you should schedule our wedding for as soon as possible. On this one occasion, I do not mind a crowd.” The idea that he was in the middle of one right then was on the fringes of his mind, but he chose to ignore it for a moment longer and kissed his lover soundly. When they both needed air, he stood up, drug Faramir up with him and suddenly saw all the mouths agape and wide eyes turned in their direction. “Oh, by the Valar, have you never seen two lovers kiss before?” he asked, though there was a rather unusual trace of amusement in his voice this time, rather than the irritation he usually reserved for… well, for anyone other than Faramir.

Faramir found himself suddenly wrapped up in the strong arms that he adored, surprised that Haldir would do such a thing in front of everyone gathered in the garden but happy nonetheless. His own arms wrapped around his lover and before he could say another word his lips were captured in a deep, passion filled kiss that made his heart race as his fingers curled into soft blond hair. He was breathless and smiling brightly when Haldir pulled away and helped him up, still stunned from the proposal and the kiss. When Haldir grumbled good-naturedly at the other guests Faramir began to laugh and hugged his lover close before turning to look at the others. “Do you all think we could meet here again in about a week?” his eyes sought out Aragorn knowing the final decision was up to him as to when he could perform the ceremony. The king smiled and nodded. “A week from today… no changing your minds!” Faramir laughed and looked at Haldir happily. “No… no changing mine at least.”

Haldir’s face flushed and he smiled at his lover wickedly. “You have changed my mind about many things, meleth, but this will not be one of them. We shall be married in a week.” He noticed that everyone was still staring and gave a heavy sigh. “I am going to sit here while you congratulate your uncle, and apologize for the interruption of his big day. And I would prefer,” His voice became louder so that everyone within a league, it seemed, could hear him, “if the congratulation and hugs (friendly ones only mind you), and handshakes and good wishes were directed to you and not me. I am… busy at the moment and do not wish to be disturbed.” With that, he made his way to the nearest bench and sat down, leaning back against the tree behind him. His arms were crossed again and his posture made it clear that he wanted no one to approach him, but there was the trace of a faint, knowing smile still on his lips as he pretended to ignore everyone.

Faramir found himself laughing again when Haldir raised his voice and made a point that hugs should be friendly and then moved away and said he was ‘busy’ which it was clear he was merely watching everyone. Faramir shrugged as Aragorn laughed too and he walked over to his uncle or now he supposed uncles. “I am sorry we disrupted what should have been your day… I had no idea…” he began and Imrahil simply laughed.

“Seeing you happy more than makes up for it,” the man said thinking of all that Faramir had gone through in the last year. He hugged his nephew as did Beron and Faramir moved away. He started to make his way back to Haldir, not really expecting many to congratulate him… but it was almost a half hour later before he managed to make his way back to Haldir. “You surprised me,” Faramir said as he stood before his lover. “I never… not even once thought you might want to get married.”

“Nor did I,” Haldir said, arching one eyebrow and shaking his head. “But somehow, now, it seems… right.” He stood, took Faramir’s hand as he now sometimes remembered to do these days, and shrugged, leading the way back to their rooms. “Besides the idea did start when I saw the way you were looking at Imrahil and Beron, and I wanted to push it away, but… it seemed rather… appropriate. When one finds the person – or Elf – they want to spend the rest of their life with, it suddenly does not seem like such a ridiculous idea to show all of Arda that you belong to someone.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir took his hand, seeing that the Elf had to actually think to do it but enjoyed that he did at least do it. “I did not mean to look at them a particular way? Was I? Really? I… I kept thinking of you. When Aragorn spoke of love and honor I thought of you and I thought how I already shared so much with you and I guess you could see it on my face. I love you and I am proud to be by your side, Haldir.” When they arrived back at their room, Faramir turned and wrapped his arms around his lover. “You have moments when you are positively romantic too… asking me to marry you in front of all of my friends and what little remains of my family… on such a beautiful day in a garden and on one knee at that.”

Haldir pretended to frown as he flexed his knee a bit. “I think I got a stone bruise,” he complained, though he made no move to pull away from Faramir’s embrace. “But I am glad you agreed. I thought for a moment there that you were turning me down and I was making the biggest fool out of myself possible.”

Faramir snorted when Haldir complained about his knee and shook his head with amusement. “I was not going to turn you down I was just… surprised and unsure if you were… well… I suppose it was possible you were having sun stroke or something,” he teased. It had shocked him and he had been a little difficult only because he was unsure it was what Haldir really wanted. “Honestly… I feared you were only asking for my sake and not because you really did wish to marry me.”

You thought I would risk making a fool out of myself because you looked wistful?” Haldir asked. “Well, all right, maybe I would, and maybe it was my first thought, but then I realized how much I wanted to marry you, and it all just… happened. I know I ruined Imrahil’s day, and it was far from the most romantic proposal you could have had, but… I do hope you know I was – and am – sincere.”

“You did not ruin his day, in fact Imrahil was glad to see me happy… and that you make me happy,” Faramir answered shaking his head. “And… as far as proposals go… it was perfect because it was from your heart.” Faramir leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Haldir’s. “That means more than anything that was planned to perfection… besides we had everything we needed. A beautiful day, a beautiful setting, and love… what more could I want besides the Elf I adore?”

“And what more could I want than the Man I adore?” Haldir laughed. His thoughts touched on Lothlórien for the first time in months. “No one in the Golden Wood would believe that I, of all Elves, have committed so someone, let alone plan on marrying them. I think even Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel might be a bit shocked, though one never can tell with them. They are as mysterious as they are beautiful and wise… and perhaps ordered me to watch over you, knowing this would happen…”

Faramir watched Haldir’s eyes carefully as he spoke of his former home. “Do you miss it? Lothlórien I mean? Would… would a week be enough time for your brothers to come here for the wedding? I did not even think of that,” Faramir admitted, feeling guilty for not even considering Haldir’s family, though the Elf never spoke of them.

Looking thoroughly surprised, Haldir shook his head and sat down on the nearest chair, pulling Faramir into his lap. “I do not miss Lothlórien. If anything, I miss protecting her, but there is almost no need for that now, and will be no need for it soon. I think most of the Elves have already sailed, and the Golden Wood will be emptied in the coming weeks. And as for my brothers… why would they need to be here? You have friends and family, Faramir, not me. I have only you, and that is the way I prefer it.”

Faramir settled in Haldir’s lap, and wrapped his arms around his lover’s shoulders even as he frowned, after all this time, not able to comprehend how Haldir was not close with his brother’s. He knew how he was raised apart from them but it still did not change the fact he found it strange that Haldir didn’t at least wish them to be at his wedding. “All right… I will not push you to invite them but at the least you should write them and let them know that you are getting married. After all they will be my brothers-in-law.”

Haldir started to protest, but didn’t want to argue today of all days. “They will not care,” he sighed, lacing his fingers around Faramir’s waist and looking up into beloved blue eyes. “They will not come, nor would I want them to. They will be sailing to Aman on the last ship in a few weeks’ time and I doubt they will even give me a second thought. We are not like you and Boromir were, meleth… we are more like complete strangers than kin.”

Faramir nodded remembering how the brothers had behaved in Rohan. “All right but I do not wish for you to have regrets, Haldir. There are many things I wish I had said to Boromir before he died… I just hope you are not left with that same feeling. I know you aren’t close,” he said shaking his head when Haldir began to protest again. “I know that. But it does not change the fact you are family…”

“Why would I have regrets?” Haldir asked, completely misunderstanding Faramir’s argument. “I am marrying the man I love. I neither need nor want anyone else in my life to complicate it. You, my blue eyed steward are quite complicated enough.” His smile turned serious when Faramir simply looked at him. “What would you have me do, Faramir? Pretend to love them? Pretend that we are the best of friends and that they care about my happiness? They do not know me, guren, and I do not know them. Even if I wanted to be close to them… they have no room for me. They have each other, and have never had need for anyone else, especially the Elf who gives them orders and sends them out on patrol and forces them to practice for hours every day.”

Faramir sighed and shook his head. “No, I would not have you pretend,” Faramir said softly and rested his head against Haldir’s shoulder. “I am sorry for bringing it up,” he whispered, “besides the road does go both ways as they say, if they wanted to see you before they leave for Aman they will come here on their own.”

“There is no need to be sorry,” Haldir murmured, pressing a kiss against Faramir’s temple. “My life has simply been very different from yours. Sometimes I wish… I wish I had known the kind of love you shared with your brother and your parents, and at other times, I think it would…” His voice lowered and he admitted the one thing he had been taught to never reveal. “I think it would scare me to death.”

Faramir looked up as his lover spoke and felt his heart melt just a little bit more. “Oh love,” he whispered softly. “I wish you had known that sort of love because you deserve it but not because it is required by any means… if it doesn’t feel right. Then it does not feel right for you. Besides, I love you enough for every one of them.” He smiled then and pressed his lips to Haldir’s. “Very much… more than I can say.”

Haldir closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of his lover’s hair. “And I love you, Faramir,” he murmured softly. “Enough for all those you loved who are now lost to you, and with a bit extra tucked here and there in case you ever need it.” In truth, he thought, though he had never known love before he’d met Faramir, he had the easier life by far. Faramir might have known more love by far, but he’d also experienced losses that Haldir would never know, and heartbreak beyond what any Man or Elf should have to endure. The conversation was getting too serious for his tastes, so he abruptly changed the subject. “Perhaps we can take the day off tomorrow and go shopping for our rings? I have never looked at rings before, so you will have to show me what you like and what you hate and where to go and what a fair price to pay is…”

Faramir was touched by what Haldir said and knew that it was never easy for his lover of speak of feelings. He could show them more easily than he could speak of them so Faramir merely smiled and nodded about the rings. “That sounds wonderful, we can go in the morning and I can also see what you like as well… promise you’ll be honest with me? If you do not like something I choose will you tell me? Remember we’ll be wearing these… at least until I die for a long, long time to come.”

Haldir relaxed a bit and smiled easily. “Aye… I promise,” he agreed, grinning wickedly. “I want something thick, I know that much, – very thick and wide – so that when I slide my fingers inside you to prepare you, you feel the extra width of the ring and are reminded of the day you had the mightiest Marchwarden in Arda falling at your feet in front of all of Gondor… and the day you promised to be with him forever. Besides… it might feel rather good as well…”“

Faramir sucked in a breath and smiled as he felt his body respond to the very idea. “My, my I think you have given this some thought,” he grinned. “Maybe you can tell me of other ideas you have? Because I do seem to like where your thoughts are at the moment.” He was grinning as he slid back out of Haldir’s lap and reached down to grasp the front of his tunic as he pulled his lover up out of the chair with him, leading him further into their chambers toward the bedroom.

They didn’t emerge until well past dinner time, and by the time they made their way into the main dining hall, they were both looking a bit mussed, but rather satiated as well. Neither Man nor Elf could ignore the whispered giggles and barely veiled glances cast their way. Of course everyone was speculating as to why they were late again. And, as usual, they were correct.

Chapter 22

The week passed quickly for the couple. They both continued their work and Faramir knowing that Haldir had no idea what a wedding should entail asked his lover a few likes and dislikes and simply made sure arrangements were handled. It wasn’t difficult because Haldir was very specific. Nothing elaborate. Not a lot of people. A party afterwards was fine as long as they did not stay longer than to thank a few people and leave. It was not comfortable for Haldir to linger and mingle with people and so Faramir made no issue of it.

When he informed Aragorn of the plans though the king balked. “But you are the Steward, Faramir, your wedding should be more… well just… more,” he said looking at the extremely short list of plans.

Faramir had shaken his head immediately. “I am the steward and this is what the steward wants… because this is what is easier for Haldir. I love him and I will not make our wedding day a day he will feel subjected to dozens of people pawing all over him and making him feel like he has to pretend to be friends with them for my sake,” the young man explained. Aragorn relented easily; it was their day after all.

And now that day was upon them. Faramir dressed in his finest ceremonial garb, new robes purchased earlier in the week, still felt almost too new against his body but even he could admit that he looked rather handsome in them. “Are you… oh… you look wonderful,” Faramir said turning and spying his lover and soon to be husband standing on the other side of the bed. “That shade of green is certainly… beautiful on you.”

Haldir smiled somewhat stiffly, already uncomfortable in the new clothes they’d purchased for him as well. He’d kept his grumbling at the bare minimum, and while he liked the idea of marrying Faramir and having all of Gondor witness the event… he’d have preferred they simply watch it from their windows… or somewhere equally as far away. But, he told himself, this was Faramir’s day as well, and all that really mattered is that he was happy. Still… at the moment, he felt somewhat like a rather brightly decorated peacock… and he wasn’t particularly fond of peacocks. Faramir’s gaze and words relaxed him somewhat however, and he walked to the other side of the bed bowed his head. “And you, guren, look breathtakingly handsome as always, but even more so today.”

Faramir smiled when Haldir moved closer and complimented him. His hands ran down the rich fabric covering his lover’s chest and he tipped his chin up slightly to look into somewhat nervous looking blue eyes. “And as handsome as you look in these robes… I cannot wait to get you out of them,” he grinned knowing that teasing Haldir would help relax him a little. He seemed a bit stiff, though often Haldir did seem stiff when having to sit on councils or even train troops the Elf was rarely ever so with him. “Today we will be formally sealing our bond that forged months ago between us,” he whispered softly. “No cold feet? I promised there will not be a large group in the garden… you trust me do you not?”

The Elf’s hands slid down Faramir’s body and rested on his hips as he smiled. “Aye,” he nodded. “I do trust you. I just feel rather… odd, being the center of attention. Elves blend in, and never call attention to themselves. It was another lesson I learned many years ago, and one I have a hard time forgetting.” He suppressed a shiver at the memory, but kept smiling, feeling more confident by the minute as he gazed into beloved blue eyes. “Besides, all eyes will be on you, I think, especially today, so I might just blend in after all. No cold feet for you either, though, I hope?”

“Rangers are taught the same… so I do understand, but when I look at you I forget everyone else anyway,” he whispered his hand rising to touch Haldir’s cheek. “If all eyes will be on me and my eyes are on you then there is no reason for you to worry,” he teased before leaning forward to brush his lips gently against Haldir’s. “No cold feet… I want this… want you, Haldir. I always have.” He started to deepen the kiss but someone knocked loudly on their door. “It is time my lords!” the guard called. Faramir took a deep breath and smiled. “It is time.”

Haldir glared in the general direction of the doorway and sighed with irritation at the interruption. “Then we should go,” he said, starting to head for the door. He caught himself at the last moment, smiled somewhat sheepishly, and offered his arm to his soon-to-be husband. “I am ready. After over 2200 years, I am definitely, positively, and absolutely ready.”

Faramir smiled as Haldir stopped and offered his arm, as if having forgotten they would go together in this. He took his lover’s arm and smiled. “I am ready as well… my wait has not been as long as yours but sometimes I think I wished for you before I was ever born,” he whispered as they stepped into the hall. The guard led them, the only piece of formality that Faramir had allowed them. He mostly had done it for himself to keep himself focused on the footsteps ahead of them to help distract him from any nerves he might have. He discovered though that he was not nervous at all. By the time they entered the garden that had only about a dozen people in it, he hoped that Haldir was comfortable with a gathering that small. Faramir had been careful to invite only his closest friends. Others were of course gathered outside the garden walls to enjoy in the party that would come later but he and Haldir would be gone long before that began. They did not pause and continued straight ahead as the guard led them to the king who waited for them below a large Elm tree.

Haldir was as comfortable as he could be, given the situation and he was more than grateful that Faramir had invited only a few people. As they stopped in front of Aragorn, he remembered that Imrahil and his fiancé had stood a few steps away from each other until the exchanging of the rings, but he had no intention of letting Faramir go. Rather than stepping back, he simply laced their fingers together and held on tightly, keeping his lover practically glued to his side. He looked up and met the King’s half amused gaze and nodded. “Good day, Aragorn,” he said as if they had simply met in the hallway and Haldir was trying to be on his best, ‘friendly’ behavior for Faramir’s sake.

Faramir had to bite his lip against a grin as Aragorn’s eyes twinkled with mirth, Haldir almost never called him by his title of king, which was refreshing. “Good day, Haldir,” he said in exchange, “and to you Faramir.” He added just to make it seem as if they were to greet one another.

“Good afternoon, sire,” Faramir answered feeling slightly awkward but grateful that no one was giggling behind them. Since Haldir had no one to stand for him as a best man or Elf, Faramir had forgone that tradition and they were each carrying the others ring. Just like at Imrahil’s wedding though Faramir self consciously fingered the pocket of his robe to make sure the ring was in fact where he had put it earlier that morning. Aragorn noticed the gesture and bit back a grin as he began to speak. His speech was short, again speaking of love, honor and fidelity but using different words than with Imrahil and Beron and then he said something else… about them sharing a bond that was rarely witnessed and that destiny had led the two of them together. The words were beautiful and touched Faramir as the king spoke. They had found one another under the most unusual of circumstances… this was true and the love of an Elf and man while not unheard of… was certainly uncommon.

Standing stiffly at attention, Haldir’s smile began to widen as he took in Aragorn’s words. He truly hadn’t realized their bond was that evident to others. Though many people didn’t like his rather off-putting demeanor or the way he almost physically drew boundaries around himself, they did realize that he made Faramir very, very happy and respected him for that reason alone. Without realizing it, his hold on his lover’s hand loosened and the pad of his thumb began rubbing small circles over Faramir’s knuckles in a gentle caress that was seldom performed outside of their chambers. “Destiny,” he said softly, so no one but Faramir and Aragorn could hear. “Aye. It was most definitely our destiny to be together.”

Faramir felt his heart skip as Haldir’s thumb caressed him and he spoke so softly. Aragorn had heard as well but he continued his speech, only with his smile brightening, as he understood now more than ever what the two of them shared. “Please turn and face one another,” Aragorn said softly and as they did he felt his heart jump a little from the obvious love shining in both Faramir and Haldir’s eyes. Aragorn looked to Faramir first and nodded. Taking a deep breath Faramir looked into Haldir’s eyes and saw all his own love reflected back to him. “Haldir, I take you as my friend and my love, beside me and apart from me, in laughter and in tears, in conflict and tranquility, asking that you be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not know yet, in all the ways that life may find us,” he paused and drew out the ring from his pocket, “I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I love you.” With his final word he slipped the ring onto Haldir’s finger, realizing then that his own hands were trembling.

To Haldir’s utter astonishment, he found that there were tears in his eyes as Faramir recited his vows and slipped the ring onto his finger. He had no fear of them, not this time, not with his lover looking at him with such tenderness and joy. Asking that you be no other than yourself. Those words alone meant more to Haldir than anyone else could know. For all his arrogance, he knew he was not a ‘normal’ Elf, even when he tried to be. Faramir accepted him as he was, when no one else would, and that meant more to Haldir than he could possibly say.

Drawing out the matching ring from his pocket, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, hoping he would remember his own vows. “Faramir, I am not good with words, so I am simply going to state how I feel at this moment. I am proud to marry you this day. I give you my love, my protection, my allegiance, my heart, my soul and my body. Your life, happiness and welfare will be cherished and placed above my own for all time. You are my lifemate, bound to me for all eternity from this moment on.” Slowly, he slipped the ring over Faramir’s finger. “I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I love you.”

Faramir was surprised by the emotion and tears in Haldir’s eyes but simply squeezed his hand a little bit tighter before releasing him to say his own vows. He smiled when Haldir said that he was not good with words. Faramir begged to differ on that point. There were times when Haldir’s words had the man nearly melted at his very feet and other times that they had him aroused beyond reason. His smile widened as Haldir said he was proud to marry him and as he went on he felt a lump form in his throat and tears touch his own eyes. When the ring slipped onto his finger, Aragorn wasted no time in asking them to seal the bond with a kiss because it seemed that if he hadn’t said it quickly they were going to do it anyway without his leave. Faramir moved closer, tipping his face up to Haldir’s and watching his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered as their lips touched. The kiss at most weddings was short and sweet and tender. This was not most weddings as their kiss seemed to take on a life of its own. Their bodies pressing together tightly and they kissed as if they hadn’t shared deep passionate kisses just hours ago in bed.

Kissing… it was one of the things Haldir enjoyed most, especially since he had first kissed Faramir. This time, their first kiss as a wedded couple seemed to be different than all the rest, though he was certain it was just his imagination. Faramir’s mouth had always tasted sweet, like honey, but this time, it was even more delicious. He pulled his husband against him gently but firmly, long lashes falling to cover misty blue eyes as his tongue delved in the warm, familiar recesses of Faramir’s mouth, licking at his teeth and tongue, then sucking gently so that same tongue could explore his mouth as well. He sighed softly into the kiss and felt as if the shade of the Elm tree above them had just been pulled away and the sun was suddenly bright and hot on their skin. A light seemed to flash behind his closed eyelids, but he was too lost in the kiss to give it more than a passing thought.

Faramir found that he was simply swept up into the kiss it seemed, his entire being focused only on Haldir as they kissed. He yielded to his lover easily, his head falling further back and kissing with abandon as his hands curled in the soft fabric of his robes. Gods, it had always been incredible kissing Haldir. Even that first sweet kiss he’d requested when he thought he was dying in Rohan but this… this was so much more. He was dizzy with lack of air but when Haldir sucked on his tongue he kissed his lover… Gods, his husband back with such need his knees were weak. Heat seemed to flood through him but also around them, the air shimmered and he was too lost in the kiss to hear the murmurs of the guests or hear Aragorn’s gasp of surprise or see his look of shock. When they finally drew apart the air seemed to dance for a moment, silver lights sparkling before fading as they looked at one another almost panting for breath.

Everyone was stunned and for a moment Aragorn merely stood there. Soon enough the king composed himself though and cleared his throat to present the married couple. He had witnessed Elven bonds before and was completely surprised by seeing it between Haldir and Faramir.

Haldir kept his arms around his new husband, seeing the fading lights all around them and finally hearing the astonished murmurs from their guests as well as their king. “It seems our bond is anxious to make itself known,” he said softly, finally tearing his gaze away and looking at Aragorn. “Aye, Aragorn. We bonded some time ago, though I am not sure how. Your eyes are not playing tricks on you.”

Faramir was smiling brightly as Haldir held him, almost as amazed as everyone else from not just what he could see but what he could feel. He turned slightly to look at his king and nodded. “Neither of us know how it was possible,” he whispered.

Aragorn was still too shocked to think of anything other than smiling happily at the couple. He exchanged a puzzled look with Gandalf who smiled knowingly in a way that told him that the wizard knew more than anyone else present. Once he announced them as married the couple moved together to leave. Each guest offered their congratulations but they did so quickly knowing that Faramir had specifically stated on the invitation that they would not be staying to mingle.

Haldir was grateful that no one lingered, nor expected them to, and knew he had Faramir to thank for that. As soon as they returned to their rooms, he led his husband to the balcony, where they could see Aragorn and their guests still mingling – and obviously still in shock. Pulling Faramir’s back against his chest, the Elf wrapped both arms around his lover and pressed a kiss against his neck, more relaxed and completely at ease now that they were alone again. “Our bond grew even stronger,” he observed. “Seldom are they visible like ours was today.”

Faramir smiled and thanked those around them as they left the garden and he wrapped his arm tightly around Haldir’s waist and rested his head against his shoulder as they walked. Haldir was never openly affectionate but today of all days he supposed his husband was making an exception. By the time they were in their room and alone as they watched their guests talk below them, Faramir sank back into his lover’s arms. “It was beautiful…” he whispered and then tipped his head up to look at Haldir. “What we share is beautiful, love.” So much had happened in the last year. So much loss, not just for Faramir but also for so many… and now it felt as if everything was new again, including him. He felt the sting of his brother’s death less painfully now and the confusion and guilt of his father’s madness seemed to fade even more. Turning in Haldir’s arms he kissed him sweetly. “Thank you for falling in love with me… thank you for staying.”

In a gesture that was as unexpected as it was romantic, Haldir scooped Faramir up in his arms and held him fiercely for a few moments. “It is I who should thank you,” he said softly. “For saving my life in more ways than one, for putting up with me, for agreeing to marry an admittedly sexy, but stubborn and not-so-nice old Elf.” He paused, nibbled on Faramir’s neck and nuzzled against it. “An Elf who would do anything in the world for you, guren. I hope you know that.”

Faramir laughed happily as Haldir scooped him up into his arms and hugged him back just as fiercely. “And I would do anything for you,” he agreed. There were choices in life one might change but Faramir would never change the choices that he had made in the last year. He wished that his father’s life had turned out differently but with Haldir’s help he had learned that it was not his fault that his father went mad. If he had stayed, likely the result would have been the same except there would be no wonderful, heroic Elf to save him. None seemed to understand Faramir’s love for Haldir, except perhaps Gandalf who always seemed to know more than he spoke. “And I do hope my admittedly sexy Elf has more on his mind than simply hugging me,” he teased.

Blue eyes darkened with more than amusement as Haldir carried his precious burden across the room and gently laid Faramir on the bed. “Your sexy Elf plans on making it difficult for you to get out of bed for the next few days,” he promised as he tugged his lover’s boots off, then began unlacing his breeches, tugging at the fabric, then unlacing them a bit more, already anxious to have all barriers between them gone. His own clothes were tangling between them and he was growing a bit more impatient by the moment. “That is, if we can ever get all these blasted layers of clothes off!”

Faramir found himself giggling helplessly as Haldir struggled with the layers of fabric. “The bad thing about formal ceremonies are having so much to wear but… I just think of it as unwrapping a present,” he whispered as he began to tug at the lacing at the neck of Haldir’s robe. His hands were unsteady, already trembling with need as he worked just as ardently as Haldir was at removing the thick robes. His fingers curled in the fabric as he tugged it upwards and he leaned up to kiss Haldir deeply, sharing all of himself with his lover in a single kiss.

Haldir calmed somewhat as Faramir kissed him, even as his hands and fingers still worked at lacings and fabric, tugging and lifting, finally managing, between the two of them, to discard all of their clothes in messy piles around the bed before the kiss was over. With a sigh of relief, he lay on top of his husband, loving the way Faramir’s skin felt beneath him, chest against chest, thigh against thigh, their arousals trapped hard and thick between their stomachs as the Elf rocked slowly, causing just enough friction to keep them both needy and wanting. “And what an exquisitely beautiful present it is,” he murmured softly.

They had pulled and tugged at fabric between them and if either had paid attention they would have heard at least a seam or two give, but both were too caught up in their kiss. The warmth that had flooded through him during the ceremony seemed to be humming in his veins now and Faramir’s body quickly responded to Haldir’s. “Mmm, I was just thinking the same thing,” Faramir murmured as his hands moved down the sleek muscles of Haldir’s back and he arched his hips up to increase the friction between them. “My husband… Gods, I never knew I would find someone that I wanted to share that title with,” he whispered honestly. It was true enough, when he was younger he’d wanted love yes, but he had never considered wanting to be married until Haldir came into his life.

Gently sucking on Faramir’s neck and marking him, Haldir smiled against warm skin and moaned softly as their swollen lengths came in even greater contact. “Hmmm, and here we are,” he whispered, kissing his way down to his lover’s nipple, licking and sucking on it until the small nub of skin hardened, then giving its twin the same treatment. “Married, bonded, lovers, mates, husbands… all because of a dream neither of us understood.” As he spoke, he slipped one hand between them, wrapping long fingers around both their arousals and stroking the sensitive flesh slowly, letting his lips trail over the scar on Faramir’s chest. “I am glad you had that dream, though I am sorry you were injured.”

Faramir gasped as Haldir’s mouth found his nipple and began to tease it. His body responded, writhing under his lover as heat flashed through him and went straight to his already hard and aching shaft. His moan was long and low as a firm hand wrapped around him and he shuddered in response. “Nothing worth having comes easily… perhaps that is what the Valar meant by it all,” he whispered leaning up to suck on the smooth skin of Haldir’s shoulder leaving a dark mark there. No one had ever made him feel even half of what he felt with Haldir. It was everything at once it seemed, every emotion, every desire amplified with every touch of lips or skin.

Haldir pulled back only enough to fold Faramir’s legs back over his chest and propped a pillow beneath his hips, fully exposing his lover to his gaze. The marks on both their necks would remain for many weeks to come, as do all marks made during the most intense bondings, and already their bodies sensed that tonight, their wedding night, would be a night that would live on in their hearts and minds forever. His hands moved reverently over the smooth curve of Faramir’s backside and the backs of his thighs as he smiled and kissed small, random patches of skin that looked especially enticing. Reaching over to their nightstand, he found the vial of oil they kept there and slicked his fingers, never looking away from the breathtaking canvas that was his lover’s body.

Faramir watched his lover as he trembled with need. He’d needed Haldir before, desired him so much but now… this felt entirely different. The completion of their union they had formalized in front of all of Faramir’s friends and remaining family. His body was warm and pliant under his lover and his breath was coming in quick short breaths as he watched the beautiful body before him. Haldir was absolutely magnificent and though he seemed arrogant about that fact, Faramir had learned to see through some of that. His hands rose to move over any skin he could reach, his fingertips brushing his lover’s powerful forearms. “Gods, I love to watch you… the way you move… the way you look at me.”

“I can look at you no other way,” Haldir murmured, pressing a kiss to the inside of his husband’s thighs. “Believe me, at the beginning, I certainly tried, but I did not stand a chance, even then.” As he teased, he began letting his tongue and lips move over pale, perfect skin, stopping only when his mouth reached the full sac that hung below Faramir’s arousal. Resting his hands on each of his lover’s thighs to keep him open and relaxed, he mouthed each of the delicate balls in turn, sucking gently and rolling the small globes around on his tongue as his slick finger trailed over his lover’s opening, not entering just yet. When he finally pulled away, he was panting and his arousal was dripping onto the sheets beneath them. “Gods, Faramir, is there any part of you that isn’t sweet?” he asked softly.

Faramir smiled when Haldir said that he didn’t stand a chance. He hadn’t either, he’d fallen for Haldir the moment he’d entered the gates in Rohan. Faramir didn’t get the opportunity to comment though as his body was teased. Haldir’s lips soft against his skin, his tongue a hot brand as he moved over him. His body was moving, arching upwards just out of sheer need and he felt himself drip against his own stomach. “I do not know…” he whispered, “you can spend the next century trying to answer that question though.” He gasped on the last word as Haldir’s tongue moved against sensitive skin again.

“I intend on holding you to that,” the Elf murmured, locking his forefinger and thumb in a tight circle around the base of Faramir’s arousal and moving so that he could lick the tip and the bittersweet fluid leaking from it. He carefully pressed his finger forward into the depths of his lover’s body as his lips and the warmth of his mouth descended on the hard shaft before him, now pulled upright and stiff, at an angle from Faramir’s stomach. Without another word, he swallowed around the swollen length as he began sliding his finger in and out of the tight passage hidden in the cleft of his husband’s backside.

“Oh I hope,” Faramir paused, “oh Gods… so,” he finished as his body was breached and his arousal twitched between them. The next thing he knew his arousal was surrounded by the warmth of his lover’s mouth, his hand firm against the base even as the fingers inside him delved even deeper. He moaned and writhed under his lover, his eyes transfixed on his lover as he panted for breath and his muscles clenched and released around the finger preparing him for more. His body was relaxed and humming with need at the same time and spikes of heat flooded through him, making his muscles tense each time his lover swallowed around him.

Haldir’s own arousal grew impossibly harder as he watched and felt Faramir’s reactions. Tight muscles clenched around his fingers and though they’d made love hundreds of times before, he felt at that moment as if this were their first time, as if he didn’t know what it would feel like to be buried to the hilt inside the willing and loving man before him; as if this were their first time. He tried to ignore his need for a moment longer as he added a second finger, twisting and scissoring them as gently but quickly as possible, then did the same with a third and final finger. Try as he might, he couldn’t suppress a moan as he saw how now reddened, wrinkled skin smoothed out around his fingers open and ready for more. “Gods, I cannot wait,” he whispered, pulling his hand away and slicking his aching length. Rubbing the engorged head over the now stretched opening he finally pushed forward a bit, past the outer ring of muscle, then past the inner ring, until only the tip was inside. Still holding Faramir’s legs up and back over his chest, he continued moving forward, going slowly and steadily, stopping only when he was buried balls-deep and could go no further. “I love you, my husband,” he whispered in a voice that didn’t sound like his own at all.

Faramir’s body was more than ready for Haldir’s in fact, he craved the Elf almost all the time but after the kiss they’d shared earlier he wanted him now more than ever. Wanted to feel the connection to him, the way they felt a part of one another when they made love. When Haldir moved against him, the slick warmth of his shaft against his most sensitive skin, Faramir moaned, his hips moving, as if begging to be taken. Then as he was breached so slowly, Faramir’s moan was low. “And I love you, my husband,” he whispered in return, touched by the look in Haldir’s eyes. Their bodies fit perfectly with one another and after a moment, Faramir rocked his hips as muscles began to relax. “Please…” he whispered.

Haldir simply nodded and began rocking his hips, rubbing the tip of his erection over Faramir’s sweet spot for several long moments. Before his lover could get too close, however, he pulled back until his arousal was almost free, then slid back in, moaning loudly as tight muscles scraped over his oversensitized skin. Again and again, he thrust and retreated, moving as slowly as he could at times, and at others simply giving in and pumping in hard and fast, at the whim of both Faramir’s body as well as his own. He felt the familiar warmth touching his shoulders and legs, and wasn’t surprised in the least to see a few sparkles of light around them… their bond, growing even stronger. “I bind myself to you, guren,” he whispered. “My body, my soul, my heart are yours to command.”

The feeling of Haldir’s thick length inside him that way, rubbing against that perfect spot inside him was almost the end for Faramir. Before his control could snap, Haldir had withdrawn and within moments they were caught up in the most ancient of dances. Their bodies moving together as one, slowing and building like a beautiful piece of music. His body seemed to glow and he felt he warmth and those same tiny sparks in the air as before. It was more real than anything he’d ever known, whatever sort of magic their souls created was perfect and beautiful. Faramir’s heart seemed to dance in his chest as Haldir spoke. “And I bind myself to you, my love. My body, my soul, and my heart are yours to command,” he whispered the words back to his lover, somehow knowing that this in this moment was truly sealing their marriage vows. Even as his body screamed for completion his soul danced with Haldir’s, his heart matched its mate and his eyes locked with stunning blue. “I love you, until the end of all things, Haldir, I’ll love you.”

Slipping his hand between them, Haldir’s fingers wrapped around Faramir’s length as he continued thrusting and leaned forward, brushing his lips over his lover’s. “Until the end of all things,” he agreed softly, never meaning any words more than he meant those in all his life. The light around them grew even brighter, and the heat almost burned their skin, but, gods, it felt so good, neither Man nor Elf was about to pull away. Angling his thrusts so they would squarely hit Faramir’s prostate, Haldir stroked the dripping shaft in his hand in time with each movement of his hips, knowing he couldn’t possibly last much longer. A moment later, he was panting heavily, and his lust darkened gaze met his husband’s. “Now, guren… come with me now…” With that, he gave a final deep thrust and felt his cock pulse, then surge, spilling inside the tight passage surrounding him, coating Faramir’s inner muscles with his seed.

His heart seemed to soar when Haldir spoke, the light around them glowing even brighter, the sparks almost searing their skin as they moved. Faramir cried out as his body began to tremble with each deep thrust and when Haldir’s hand wrapped around his aching arousal Faramir whispered his husband’s name over and over again. Within moments his body was answering his lover’s request, as soon as he felt the hard length inside him pulse his own body let go, they spilled at the same moment, his lover inside him and Faramir between them. His body shuddered hard, as he arched under his lover driving the now spent cock even deeper. “By the Valar,” he whispered breathlessly, nothing in all the times they’d spent together before had been anything like that before. The shimmering silver light, sparkled one last time before it seemed that a warm glow settled around them, soothing them as they held one another.

Haldir was gasping for air even as he wrapped his arms around his lover and closed his eyes, suddenly feeling boneless and completely satiated. “By the Valar indeed,” he managed, still shivering with pleasure from the most intense orgasm of his life. He looked vaguely surprised at his own abandon, but decided that if he couldn’t let go and be himself with this man who loved him despite everything he’d seen and heard, then he didn’t deserve love at all, especially not from Faramir. “It will always be like this,” he murmured, pressing countless kisses against Faramir’s neck. “Beautiful, warm, perfect, now that we are truly one.” He pulled away, smiling innocently. “Do you think you will be able to live with lovemaking like this for the next hundred years or so, love? Or shall I try to hold back a bit?”

Wrapping his arms and legs around his lover, Faramir shook his head. “Don’t you dare hold back anything,” he threatened with a grin. His body felt supple and warm and entirely relaxed as he rested with his lover, his muscles still twitching from the intensity of it all. “I never knew Elven bonds were… were like that. I mean I read of them but I never really knew you could see them like that or that they worked with humans.” He was curious but so many strange things had happened, his dreams… the shared dreams… he was willing to believe most anything at this point. Though they had felt the bond before and even discussed it… it was never quite like this.

“Neither did I,” Haldir admitted, running his hands over his lover’s sweat-damp skin. “Though honestly, I have never even read about them. I was told they were nothing warriors should have any interest in when I was younger, and later, when I could have learned more, I thought doing so would only make me want something I was never destined to know. I am glad I was mistaken this time…”

Faramir frowned when Haldir spoke of what he was told. He’d very much like to know how it was possible for a commander to treat those he trained that way. They must have been a shallow, soulless being. “I am glad that you are able to share it with me alone then,” he settled on, not wishing to think of either of their pasts. Tonight… was now and their future. No past, no painful memories… just hope and happiness. “I am glad you were mistaken this time too,” he grinned as he snuggled closer and yawned. “Gods, I am sorry… you wore me out I think… though part might have been that I did not sleep well last night for fear… something would go wrong today. A orc attack, it would rain, someone would come up with a reason the steward could not wed… all silly things I know.”

Haldir arched an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth twitched. “Ah, so you put those dreams in my head,” he grinned, trying his best to look stern and failing miserably. “I had the same fears, guren.” He leaned over and kissed each of his husband’s eyelids, then carefully slipped from inside him. Using the edge of the blanket, he cleaned up the mess between them and then lay back, pulling Faramir against him in their usual sleeping position. “Sleep well, love, for I think the next time you open your eyes, I will be inside you again… so you will need all your strength…”

Faramir was surprised when Haldir said he had the same fears, thinking that Haldir wouldn’t have given it much thought at all, let alone worried. He smiled and watched as he was so lovingly tended and then found himself wrapped in strong arms as he snuggled against his husband. He laughed softly from Haldir’s ‘threat’. “Oh, now I think that is a great thing to wake up too…” he grinned and kissed his husband sweetly before settling down beside him in the bed and resting his head over his lover’s heart. His dreams were happy and all of a future filled with love.

Chapter 23

Five almost six years passed by quickly it seemed and Faramir and Haldir’s marriage and their bond was stronger even now than it was the night they sealed it. They were both still living in the citadel, Faramir still serving as steward and Haldir had settled into a role of a military advisor for the king and council. Faramir had grown stronger; though his shoulder would never completely heal he was able to train again and did accompany his husband on patrols now and again.

Aragorn had at first put the two of them on the same councils but then changed that plan when he discovered the couple had a hard time concentrating when they were in the same meetings. Plus when the two of them did argue a point, the rest of the council may as well not be there at all… it was amusing at times the way they argued with one another, the love clearly there between them but they were both stubborn and just one per council was all Aragorn could handle.

Today though, Aragorn had witnessed something he had never witnessed before in council chambers. Part of him was highly amused by it while at the same time extremely irritated. He looked at the Elf walking beside him and shook his head again as they approached the stewards office chamber. The king didn’t knock, merely pushed open the door. “Faramir… your husband is…” he sighed and shook his head again, “impossible sometimes.”

Faramir looked up from the parchment he was working on, a smile on his lips as soon as he saw Haldir but then faded quickly as he saw the look on his king’s face. “Impossible?”

Haldir’s eyes lit up at the sight of his lover, but a moment later, he turned and scowled at Aragorn, never quite having gotten the hang of showing the proper deference to the king despite his grudging respect for the man. “I am not impossible,” he snapped, stomping across the room to stand in front of the fireplace, arms across his chest and his face hard and unreadable. “I was right, Inranol was wrong, disrespectful, foul-mouthed, and generally irritating throughout the entire meeting. His last comment went too far, and I simply handled the situation to the best of my abilities.”

Faramir stood up with a worried look on his face. “What happened?” he asked not exactly sure he wanted the answer to that question. Haldir looked irritated and Aragorn looked frustrated. Inranol was an irritating man though, often arguing just to hear his own voice Faramir often thought. “Inranol is all of those things most of the time… but what happened?”

Aragorn frowned. “Your husband drew his bow and notched an arrow directly at Inranol’s head in the middle of the council meeting,” the king answered though a part of him was slightly amused by it, that sort of thing could not happen in meetings or things would deteriorate quickly.

Faramir had to force a grin from his face at that answer. Oh he himself had wished for a weapon in council meetings before. “You… you drew your bow on him?” His eyes twinkled with amusement, knowing his husband would see it but couldn’t help himself. I wish I had been there to see it!

Haldir did his best to hide a smile of his own as their gazes met. His eyes were as wide as teacups and one would not have to possess Elven senses to know that he had to return to his rooms at once to change his breeches! They spoke through their connection, neither Man nor Elf letting Aragorn see their amusement. He honestly didn’t see what all the fuss was about. Inranol had quieted down immediately, excused himself, and the rest of the meeting had been quite pleasant. Several of the other council members had even smiled at Haldir and nodded their thanks, so, in the Elf’s mind, all had worked out quite well. “Do you think the dagger in my boot would have been a better choice?” he asked his husband in all seriousness. “Or the comb you put in my hair this morning has an exceptionally sharp point, if you remember…”

Faramir was unable to keep his amusement from surfacing as Haldir spoke, his laughter bubbling out before he could help himself. He quickly clamped his hand over his mouth but it was too late. Aragorn was now glaring at him as if he had been the one in the council chambers.

“Faramir, you cannot condone this…” Aragorn said trying his best not to laugh himself now that Faramir was.

Trying to sober, Faramir shook his head. “I do not condone it… of course not, and Haldir would never really harm an unarmed man… you know that, Aragorn,” Faramir said walking over and standing with his husband. “Besides… we both did warn you long ago about Inranol and Haldir being on the same council.”

The Elf’s arm slid easily around Faramir’s waist as he stood beside him. Though still a bit awkward at speaking of his emotions and still quite off-putting to everyone but his husband, he had, over the years, grown far more comfortable with touching him. Now he didn’t even have to remind himself…it simply came naturally, this desire to rest his hand or arms across his shoulders, to pull him closer and wrap both arms around him, or even kiss him for all of Arda to see. His gaze, however, was still on Aragorn as he nodded. “I have told you time and time again, Aragorn, that one day Inranol would push me too far. This cannot come as a surprise to you. Besides, even you were about to order him to stop arguing…I saw it in your eyes. I simply…sped things along a bit. You should be thanking me, not complaining.”

Faramir leaned closer to Haldir, resting against his husband as an arm was wrapped around him. He raised an eyebrow as Aragorn looked at them. “I can assure you if I’d had a weapon in that meeting with Inranol last week I might have used it myself to… uh… drive my point home,” he grinned a little and saw Aragorn’s lips twitch as he tried not to grin in return.

“I know he is… difficult but he does have his worth with the merchants,” Aragorn admitted. “Next time you return from a patrol Haldir, do not come straight to a council meeting or at least leave your weapons outside the room… so that the temptation to use them does not get the best of you. Trust me I know the man pushes too far, he has pushed me almost too far on many occasions… but it would be better if you dealt with him a bit more… diplomatically in the future. I will not lie and say that I was not amused by it… he fully deserved it but… do not do it again.”

The kings ‘reprimand’ was extremely light and Faramir smiled. “I’ll be glad to divest him of his weapons before he arrives in council chambers in the future,” Faramir said with a note of humor in his voice.

Aragorn almost rolled his eyes and laughed. “I am quite sure you would be… and so would he,” he laughed as he left the room.

Haldir laughed as soon as the door closed behind Aragorn and leaned down to kiss the side of his husband’s neck. “You may divest me of my weapons and my clothes and my boots and whatever else you like… and not only before council meetings either,” he murmured, biting gently at smooth, warm skin he’d marked only the night before. “And I would be more than happy to return the favor any time you see fit.”

Faramir was laughing as well as he turned in his husband’s embrace and smiled up at him. “I look forward to it,” he grinned. “So, is it safe to assume you have no more meetings or patrols today?”

“It is safe to assume as much,” Haldir agreed, running his hands over Faramir’s back and shoulders as he spoke. “I have the afternoon free due to either good, or bad behavior, depending on how one looks at it. Do you think you might sneak off a bit early yourself? I noticed it started snowing earlier, and thought we might have an early dinner and curl up by the fireplace to watch the snow fall.”

Faramir smiled as his fingers ran through Haldir’s hair. “Mmm, I think that I can stop for today… and that sounds like a wonderful idea,” he said softly. Haldir never thought himself to be very romantic at all but ideas like that were certainly romantic to Faramir. Just spending time alone together like that watching snow fall or rain or the sun or moon move across the sky as they sat together and talked or simply held one another. It was times like those that made Faramir feel cherished by his husband. “Come on, love,” he said pressing his lips to Haldir’s gently before moving away to go back to their rooms.

Haldir stopped outside their chamber doors, flagging down a passing servant girl to ask that their dinners be brought to their rooms as soon as possible. He motioned for Faramir to go on ahead of him, and handed him a small journal from his cloak. “I will be right there,” he said, giving his husband’s hand a small squeeze. “Would you please put this in the nightstand on my side of the bed? I had some ideas to bring up at the next council meeting, but wanted to get your opinion first, so I simply jotted down a few notes.” As Faramir took the journal and nodded, Haldir turned back to the servant, being civil, just as Faramir had taught him, and even managed to chat with the girl for a few moments longer… again, just as Faramir had taught him.

Taking the journal, Faramir smiled as Haldir spoke to the servant girl about their meal for the evening. Haldir had learned over time to ask rather than to demand things from the servants and found that they often would do more than what he’d asked of them when he took the time to ask and even chat with them a little. The girl was one of the cook’s daughters and Haldir had seemed to in his own way the last several years take a liking to the cook, Faramir smiled as he entered the room hearing Haldir ask the girl about her mother and how he smoothly seemed to segue into asking about their dessert.

Making his way into the bedroom, Faramir sat the journal on the night table but accidentally caught his sleeve on the lamp there almost sending it to the floor. He caught it easily but spilled a bit of oil in the process. Opening the drawer of the nightstand he rummaged for something to clean his mess with. He removed a few things from the drawer and a small glass bottle caught his attention. It was a dark color amber glass the kind he only saw in the houses of healing. Curious he looked at the bottle, turning it in his hands and wondering what it was. Elves rarely became ill so why would Haldir have medicine? He set the bottle on the nightstand and found a handkerchief which he cleaned the oil up with just as Haldir walked into the room. “Your husband is extremely clumsy, I almost broke the lamp,” he explained with his back to Haldir.

Feeling rather pleased with himself that he’d managed to get not one, but two of Faramir’s favorite desserts, Haldir admitted to himself once again that this ‘chatting’ ploy had its advantages. As he walked into the room and saw Faramir wiping at the table, he immediately took his husabnd’s hands in his own and examined them closely. “You did not get hurt did you?” he asked with concern that melted into relief when he saw no cuts or bleeding. “That lamp has always been a bit too short for this nightstand anyway.”

Touched when Haldir took his hands to check them for cuts, Faramir shook his head and smiled. “No, not hurt at all… and it was entirely my own fault. I am just clumsy,” he said smiling. “I… ah, well I had to find something to clean the oil up with and… I found something and was curious because… well… are you alright?” he asked looking down at the apothecary bottle.

Haldir kissed each of his lover’s hands and looked down at the bottle that he’d kept in the back of his nightstand drawer for years. He hadn’t tried to keep it a secret, but he suddenly realized that he and Faramir had never discussed him purchasing the rather potent mixture contained within it. It was always there if and when he needed it, but he had made a firm effort to resist thinking about it over time. “I am fine,” he said, releasing Faramir’s hands and setting the lamp back in its place. “I got the bottle from Dornath just after we bonded. It is only a mixture of panthenina leaves and solanum. Be sure to never, ever touch it, guren. It is poisonous.”

Faramir gasped when Haldir said what the bottle contained. “What? Gods, Haldir why? That combination is deadly… even a small amount can kill a man in moments,” Faramir asked in utter confusion. Why would Haldir have purchased it after their bonding and why keep it here in their bedroom?

The explanation was perfectly clear to Haldir, though it didn’t seem to have dawned on Faramir just yet. The Elf shook his head and took his husband’s hands again, squeezing them gently as their gazes met. “Guren, we have many, many more decades together before us, but you do not truly expect me to continue my life after your passing do you? I have always planned on dying by your side, going to the Halls of Mandos, and doing whatever I can to convince Námo to let me stay with you, where your faer may be directed to. I thought…I thought you knew that.”

Faramir stared at Haldir for a moment, completely stunned. He thought of when they first met and how determined Haldir was then to find his death on a battlefield and now he had chosen to end his life when Faramir’s did. His heart seemed to constrict in his chest and he simply looked at his husband for a long moment. “You never told me… I just… I just assumed you would live on. I never gave it any thought before. I… Gods, I never even thought about how you would live on after my death. Or thought of how hard it would be for me if I were in your place. I think I would do the same,” he admitted after a moment. It wasn’t something one thought heavily on at his age. Yes, he had almost died the night he met Haldir but their lives were much safer now. Haldir had only ever stayed for him, all the other Elves had sailed except a few who had chosen to remain for their own reasons. Faramir should have expected this, should have known that Haldir would make the choice to die by his side rather than live on. He had been clear when they first met that the world held nothing for him anymore until they fell in love.

Haldir leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Faramir’s, releasing his hands to wrap both arms around him in a tender embrace. “You are my reason for living, Faramir,” he said simply,” without you, my life has no meaning. I suppose I should have asked you first, but I thought… I thought you would know that there is no place for me anywhere without you. I am sorry I never told you before. I just assumed you knew.”

Faramir felt tears touch his eyes as Haldir wrapped his arms around him. “Oh love, do not be sorry. Besides I cannot see how it would be an easy conversation to start… and… you are right I should have known that you would choose this path. I am not upset… I am… touched and glad that I am the reason you stayed. I am so proud to be your husband, Haldir… and I promise that wherever my spirit goes when my life is over I will look for you because I know that I will not be able to endure eternity without you,” he whispered against his lover’s neck. It was true, even in death he could not imagine being parted from Haldir. His husband was right in this choice and it was likely that the bond they shared, according to everything Faramir had read of them would ensure that Haldir would follow him in death though… his ever practical minded husband wanted to be certain.

Nuzzling against Faramir’s neck, Haldir smiled and held him even closer. “You had no idea that when we bonded ‘forever’ that I truly mean forever did you?” he teased. “Besides, if the strength of our bond alone does not convince Námo, then I think that after a few hours with me around, he would do anything to get me out of his halls, so I think we have nothing to worry about. You said yourself, I can be… offputting when I wish to be…”

Faramir laughed even through his tears and squeezed Haldir even closer still. “Aye, love, I think you could convince them… and you have called me stubborn more than once… you do not think I would not seek you out do you? You my dearest would be sadly mistaken if you think that,” he whispered as he drew back to look up at the Elf he loved. “After all of these years I think the reason that I lived that night was because of you… whenever you would leave I would grow worse the healers said… but when you were near I was better. None could believe how I healed the way I had and I think… I think it was our bond even then. The Valar would not part two souls that they set on this path I think.”

Haldir wiped his lover’s tears away gently, then kissed the trail they left behind. “Gods, how could I have been so blind? All the signs of a deep bond were there from the beginning, but I was too foolish to see them. I was attracted to you, but at the same time, so very angry that you were delaying my plans for a glorious death. I will never forgive myself for being so short with you, or so full of myself. And I will never, ever forget that first kiss, when we both thought you were dying. I sometimes wonder now if that was when our bond found its roots and the Valar’s beautiful little plan for one Man and one Elf to have this life – this happiness that so many others only dream of.”

Faramir found himself smiling; it wasn’t often that Haldir spoke of being happy with him. He could sense it of course, Haldir smiled more easily now and certainly laughed with him often but he had never really asked if Haldir was truly happy. Now, he didn’t need to ask. “I wish that everyone would know the happiness we have,” he whispered softly. “I remember that night when I asked you to kiss me thinking that I had no idea where the idea to ask you that came from. Why did you… kiss me that night? I mean… it certainly was not a normal request… what made you say yes?”

Brushing back the hair from Faramir’s forehead, Haldir smiled and met his lover’s gaze with sparkling eyes. “I thought you were dying and that Arda would be a poorer place for having lost such a brave warrior,” he said softly. “I could deny you nothing even then, but now I suspect it had more to do with our faers already reaching out to one another.” His thumb trailed slowly over Faramir’s lips as he remembered the kiss. “I thought kissing a man – a dirty one at that – would be intolerable, but it turned out to be the sweetest kiss I had ever known in my life.”

Faramir laughed softly as he looked up into sparkling blue eyes. “It had to be the Valar at work because knowing you as I do I do not think you would take pity on any Man,” he teased. “But I am glad you did and kissing you then was just as wonderful as kissing you all these years later,” he whispered as he leaned forward and swept his lips gently against Haldir’s. “And just as wonderful as it will be many decades from now.”

Haldir laughed softly and parted his lips, letting his tongue move forward to lick at his husband’s. “And you still taste as sweet as honey, just as I am sure you will a hundred years from now” he whispered, continuing his kisses along Faramir’s jaw and down his neck. “I used to tell you that you were a lucky, lucky man, guren, and I meant that at the time, in all my arrogance. What I never did manage to put into words was that deep down, I always knew that I was the lucky one… the luckiest creature on all of Arda, to have won your heart.”

Faramir found himself smiling as his arms looped around Haldir’s neck and he tilted his head back to give his lover more access. He closed his eyes for a moment as Haldir’s words made his heart skip. “We are both lucky,” he whispered as his lips caught Haldir’s again. “We are both very lucky,” he repeated the words as he maneuvered his husband backwards toward the bed and sank down into his lap as Haldir sat down.

Slowly, long Elven fingers moved beneath Faramir’s tunic and caressed his back. “You know, my lucky Ranger, we came up here to watch the snow fall, but I can think of a more enjoyable activity at the moment, if you would not mind postponing our plans for a while. I think I would like a taste of my husband as a little… predinner appetizer, if he would be willing…”

“Maybe the snow will wait for us,” Faramir whispered softly as his hands moved to take the combs from his husband’s hair and set them aside as his fingers began to loosen the perfect warriors braids. “And your husband is ever and always willing, love,” he whispered as his lips found Haldir’s again and they sank down onto the bed together. The snow continued to fall outside their window far into the next day.

The End.

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