Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 6

Several more days passed by, Faramir slept for the majority of them, his body still healing, though even the healers were surprised at how quickly the young man was growing stronger.

A wound like he had should have killed a man, should have severed vital vessels in his body and killed him straight away from blood loss alone. The pain should have been worse than it had been, and the bones should take longer to knit back together if at all.

But everything that should have happened, did not. Instead the young man healed quickly… he was still not well enough to get out of bed or even travel but he was well enough to sit up now and well enough that he didn’t sleep constantly. The healer had estimated that Faramir should by rights be dead or still unconscious.

When Aragorn found out about Faramir’s condition and who the young man was, he went directly to Gandalf. Why was Faramir there? Had he come in search of his brother? Gods, who would tell him about his brother? He knew they were close from what Boromir had said on their travels. Gandalf agreed to be the bearer of bad news since he’d known Faramir since childhood and had once been his tutor. It wasn’t a task the old wizard wanted. He did want to see him though… especially after the way that Aragorn had described the healer’s assessment of the young man. Something unusual was happening with Faramir… and Gandalf suspected he knew what it was after having used farspeak to communicate with Lord Celeborn.

Such an odd… pairing it was, Haldir and Faramir, two exceedingly different personalities being tied together this way. But his discussion today would not be about them or about Faramir’s healing. It would not be easy. He knocked on the door to the small chamber and waited.

Haldir had spent his time taking care of Faramir (though a bit grudgingly at times), kissing him senseless, and staring out the small window of the chamber they shared, wondering where the next battle lay, who was fighting, and whether or not he would make it there in time. The kissing was by far the most pleasant, but Faramir was not able to do much more and there was, anyway, always a certain point where the intimacy almost overwhelmed Haldir, and he pulled away. He certainly enjoyed kissing the young man, but he wasn’t exactly the kind of Elf who ‘kissed.’ He was more used to a few kisses here and there and then quick, efficient sex, after which, he and his lover would both go their separate ways.

As Gandalf knocked on the door, Haldir had just leaned away from such a kiss, and almost leapt across the room to let their guest enter, using the interruption as the perfect excuse to pull away without seeing that hurt look in Faramir’s eyes that he always saw whenever he both mentally and physically distanced himself after one of their kissing sessions. He practically leapt on the old wizard, ushering him into the room, though he still didn’t say much. In other words, he was his typical, annoying, Haldirish self. “They still will not give him leave to travel,” he groused in Gandalf’s general direction, though he knew full well that it would be some time before Faramir could leave the room, let alone leave the fortress. “The entire war will be over by the time we leave here at this rate.”

Faramir was still reeling from the kiss they’d shared, his face was flushed and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Haldir often pulled away from him as their kisses seemed to overwhelm them both, sometimes it seemed that the Elf withdrew from him completely and it often left him feeling cold and even a bit hurt. This time though it had been almost panic and Faramir found it amusing that Haldir would be afraid of being caught kissing him. Faramir hadn’t been afraid of something like that since he was a teen.

When he saw Gandalf enter, his knowing eyes taking in the situation, Faramir felt his face flush even more and looked down at the bed covers as Haldir spoke to the wizard.

“You have a task that was assigned to you, Haldir. But I would not worry, it looks as if the war is simply moving from Rohan to Gondor,” Gandalf said frowning deeply.

“Gondor… so that is where you and the others will be going? Will Rohan aid my father?” Faramir asked, his face paling now as concern overrode his body’s reaction to Haldir’s kiss.

“Yes, that is where we will go, King Théoden and others are mustering more riders as we speak… but I have something I wish to speak to you about, Faramir,” Gandalf said moving closer to the bed and sitting down. He reached out and took Faramir’s hand.

Haldir brightened somewhat at the idea that he was going to eventually be going to where the war was, but grew a bit more guarded than normal at Gandalf’s tone of voice and the way he was looking at Faramir almost as if he dreaded telling him something. “I should leave you alone, then,” he murmured, reaching for his sword out of habit, though he certainly had no use for it in the hallway. He had the feeling this was going to get… emotional, and Haldir simply didn’t do well in emotional situations.

Faramir looked at his former tutor and friend and then at Haldir who seemed ready to leave. “You… you do not have to go if you do not want to, Haldir,” Faramir offered, unsure what was coming.

Gandalf sighed and looked from one to the other, his eyes could see there was a bond growing between them but it was weak. If Haldir left the room he would likely soon return, not knowing why he needed to. “It is all right, Faramir… what I have to tell you is… difficult to say,” Gandalf said softly.

Faramir swallowed hard, immediately thinking of his family and almost afraid to ask the wizard to go on.

Judging from the look in Gandalf’s eyes, Haldir knew something bad was about to happen. And he had no desire to see that or watch Faramir deal with it. Vaguely hoping that Gandalf would just ‘fix’ whatever problem or tragedy he was about to reveal, Haldir nodded at the occupants of the room and almost bolted out the door. “I would like some fresh air anyway,” he managed, realizing only when he was outside that he had been standing just in front of an open window. “And… I need to stretch my legs. That room is getting… small…” With that, he closed the door behind him, relieved that he had managed to escape whatever was coming. Despite that feeling, he felt something else too… a sense that he shouldn’t have left, that, as Faramir was his responsibility, he should be there for whatever was to come, whether he liked it or not. That was ridiculous of course – Celeborn had only ordered him to keep Faramir safe and bring him home – not hold his hand, because the Valar knew Haldir wasn’t the hand-holding type anyway.

Gandalf sighed as Haldir all but fled the room, knowing that the Elf was not one to be comfortable in situations like this or what it was about to be. “Faramir… I hate to be the one to tell you this… it… it is Boromir,” he began but before he could finish he could tell that the young man who often saw visions was easily able to see exactly what Gandalf’s words did not yet say.

“No… no,” Faramir almost chanted the words as the images flooded his mind, he saw it, saw his brother fall, saw the arrows pierce his body, saw him fight so hard but overwhelmed. He understood now why the man Aragorn had avoided him. He’d been too late to save Boromir. Tears were streaming from his eyes unchecked as his gaze focused back on Gandalf. “I… I think I knew,” Faramir said sadly remembering the sudden pain and sadness he’d felt weeks before, he was never sure what it was exactly. Never able to grasp it but now that he knew for certain the pain wasn’t any less. It felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest as he sobbed, his shoulder aching even more with each tear it seemed.

“I am so sorry, Faramir… so sorry,” Gandalf said quietly, unsure what if any comfort he could offer the young man.

Haldir had been determined to walk out on the balcony. Or explore the hallways to the west of the healer’s quarters, where he thought would be a perfect spot for an ambush should he ever need one. He’d even considered going to the kitchens to get them something to snack on before their dinner.

But he couldn’t seem to leave the hallway in front of the room he shared with Faramir. Rather than finding fresh air or hideaways or food, he was pacing in front of the door he’d just barreled out of, and he had no idea why.

He was actually trying to think of an excuse to return – saying he forgot something – his hair clips maybe – that he desperately needed NOW, when he heard a noise from inside the room. He knew Gandalf well, knew he would never hurt Faramir, but somehow found himself almost tearing the door down to get back in before the sound of Faramir’s sob had even died away. “What did you do to him?” he bellowed, glaring from the wizard to Faramir and back again. “He was fine when I left him!”

Faramir was so caught up in his pain that he didn’t startle when Haldir practically took the door off its hinges, though he did look up, his tear blurred vision locking with the Elf’s. The pain in his shoulder seemed to flare a bit less bright now, though the pain in his heart remained.

Gandalf was reaching for a handkerchief when Haldir had barreled into the room and looked up at the Elf and for the briefest of moments, fearing his anger. “I told him some bad news,” Gandalf said sadly. “His brother was killed… he’d been with the fellowship… you met him I think,” the wizard murmured as he handed a soft cloth to Faramir.

As their eyes met Haldir felt the oddest urge to just wrap his arms around Faramir and rock him. That was ridiculous, of course. He was a grown man… and he didn’t need to be rocked or held or anything else. In fact, maybe he was like Haldir himself, wanting to be alone with his grief. Gandalf, however, was another matter. Quickly looking away from Faramir, the Elf glared at the old wizard. Had he had more sense than stubbornness, he would have feared the Istar, at least a little, but he had always let his good sense get buried beneath everything else. “You claim to be his friend?” he snapped, narrowing his eyes, but having at least the presence of mind not to try and manhandle Gandalf. “You come in here with that kind of news to tell a man who was almost dead a few weeks ago? He cannot even get out of bed, yet you think it is good for him to sit there and cry? Are you daft?” He spared a worried glance down at Faramir and eased away from him a bit, totally at a loss as to how to deal with such heartbreak. “Fix it, Gandalf. Make him stop crying! Can you not see it is hurting him?”

Gandalf’s eyes flashed angrily when Haldir snapped at him, but a part of him was glad to see the Elf so protective of Faramir. He looked truly chagrined for a moment and then the Elf ordered him to ‘fix it’ and he found himself hard pressed not to smile then. Haldir, no matter how much he would deny it… felt something for Faramir, that much was clear to him at least.

“Stop it… just,” Faramir sniffled feeling like a child but unable to stop the tears, he loved Boromir so much and knowing for certain that he was gone… forever… was the hardest thing he’d ever dealt with since his mother died. “Its all right… I just… I,” Faramir paused for a moment and took a deep breath, “I just need… I need to cry, Haldir. He…” his voice broke before he could say anything else.

Gandalf stood beside the bed, still holding Faramir’s hand. “I am leaving today, Haldir… I thought he needed to know now… when he is in a place where he can deal with the pain and not on the road.”

Completely out of his element, Haldir tentatively patted Faramir on the head a few times as one would pat an injured puppy and met Gandalf’s sad, but oddly bemused gaze. “You cannot leave when he is CRYING,” he pleaded, his anger at the wizard gone as he realized Gandalf meant to leave him alone with Faramir then. “I mean… look at him!” Ignoring Faramir’s words, the Elf crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “I cannot let you leave until you fix it, Gandalf, even if you… if you… do whatever it is you do with that staff to try and make me move.” He suddenly thought better of that little statement and had a minor anxiety attack as he looked back at the Ranger on the bed who was still sobbing quietly. “Or… at least let me go with you to the stables or… or wherever you are going… ?”

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