Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 5

The next several hours were tense; there were rumors as they brought in thankfully less and less injured, that Gandalf had returned with riders, and used the dawn and the terrain around Helms Deep to their advantage.

Word reached the healing hall that morning that the king was starting to move through all the various halls, checking on his people and assessing the damages. The women and children were released from the caves and many of the women began to prepare meals or to help the healers.

At around mid-day King Théoden, accompanied by Éomer, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Gandalf, entered the healing chamber where Haldir and Faramir were. Aragorn spotted Haldir right away, wondering what he was doing there, as he didn’t seem injured.

Gandalf thought he recognized the copper haired man on the cot whom Haldir seemed to be tending… and oddly enough, he seemed to be doing it gently, though he wore a deep frown. He asked immediately if Faramir could be moved and one of the healers complained that they couldn’t move every injured man or Elf into their own private room within the keep. It was King Théoden who interceded then. “The son of the steward of Gondor and a captain in his own right will not be treated as any other soldier, we have better manners than that and we’ll not be accused otherwise,” Théoden snapped.

By late that afternoon, a still unconscious Faramir had been moved to a small chamber with a fireplace and little else. Later, meals were brought but it was still some time before the young man stirred from his slumber. He had dreamed peacefully it seemed, his sleep truly a healing one as he had seen visions of a possible future. Gondor restored to a former glory none who were now alive could recall, except the Elves. The Elves. Was Haldir still alive? Did he find his honorable death? Faramir prayed that he hadn’t.

His shoulder was hurting, it was throbbing with each heartbeat and his eyes opened in narrow slits, feeling as if they were filled with sand. “Where am I?” he asked hearing someone else in the room but too sore to turn his head to look for them.

Haldir, seated by the bed, had been staring out the window, and hadn’t heard his charge stirring. When he turned, however, only the young man’s eyes were open. “You are in the healing quarters,” he said softly, still unsure of just where he stood in the great scheme of things at this point as he dipped a cloth in cool water again and started wringing it out. “And apparently you are the son of the steward of Gondor, a little fact you neglected to tell me by the way, so you have a room of your own.”

Faramir frowned as he heard the last voice he expected to hear. “You… you lived… so there were none who could defeat you,” he smiled as he turned a little, wincing as he did so. He ignored the rest of Haldir’s words, too elated to see the Elf alive.

“None could defeat me because I was ordered not to fight,” Haldir muttered. “I was, instead, assigned to keeping you safe and return you to Gondor.” His mood was dark, but in truth, he was delighted to see Faramir awake. He told himself that was only because the sooner he healed, the sooner he would be free to take him home, then return to whatever battle he could find, but somehow he knew there was more to it than that. In his typical stubborn manner, however, he refused to think on it further. “Now, enough about me. Here…” He moved closer and ran the cloth over Faramir’s lips. “Can you drink or shall I get you more ice? I have kept your lips moist, but if you can drink, I think you would feel better.”

“What? I… do not understand,” Faramir said utterly confused. Who would order Haldir to keep him safe? Why? Faramir blinked in confusion and realized that Haldir had just dismissed his question. “I am thirsty,” he whispered. “I… I am sorry I did not tell you who I was, I did not truly think it mattered. I am a soldier first and a son second. I am not the heir so… title means little to me.” He tried to push himself up in the bed a little using his uninjured arm but cried out, the jostling just too much for him.

Haldir was on his feet and pressing his hand against Faramir’s good shoulder before his cry had finished echoing through the room. “Gods, you are stubborn!” Even as he complained, he slipped his arm beneath the young man’s back and carefully lifted him up. With his free hand, he brought a cup of water to Faramir’s lips and tilted it slightly as he continued to fuss. “I do not understand either, but it is not my place to question orders. And, might I add, you are making my job much more difficult by trying to move. You almost died only a few days ago, and here you are, squirming around on the bed as if nothing is the matter. I am to keep you safe… and that means keeping you safe from yourself too, obviously.”

Faramir’s mouth gaped open as Haldir scolded him like a small child. He accepted the aid and the water without complaint, listening to Haldir continue. He drained the cup and looked up at the Elf he still found more than merely beautiful. “Thank you… though there’s no need to scold me. I did not almost die; I could have died, yes. I was wounded, badly I know, but I am fine… I was in pain when you took me to the healers… but that’s all, even the bleeding had stopped long before you took me to them,” Faramir said not quite understanding and not knowing how badly things had turned just in the short time Haldir had left him.

Obviously, Faramir had no clue how close he had truly come to the very death Haldir had been longing for. “First of all,” he began as he laid his patient back on the bed and slipped his arm from beneath him, “the moment I left, you started bleeding again and you broke out in a fever. You had, at one point, almost half the healers present working on you, trying to replenish all the blood you lost, and it seemed that every time I left the room, you would thrash and tear your bindings away. I have spent the last day trying to keep you still and calm, keep what water I could in you, and putting ointment and new bandages on your wound. You did not like the healers’ touch apparently – none of them – , and you seemed determined, even in your sleep, to keep me from fighting.” He looked quite pleased with himself as he ranted. “So yes, I think I have every right to scold you for as long as I wish, actually, and you should just lie there and listen.”

Faramir started to open his mouth to argue and stopped just at the last moment. “Seeing how I cannot sit up without your help I do not have much choice in the matter…” Faramir muttered under his breath. He looked up at Haldir, who looked none too pleased with him. “I did not ask you to stay, who ordered you to? Why?” Faramir asked still confused as to why Haldir hadn’t done exactly what he wanted. Though he was glad that he had stayed, he was confused as to the reasoning.

“Lord Celeborn ordered me to stay… he is the only being on Arda who could have done so.” Haldir sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. “As for why, I can only think that your status as the steward’s son gained you some measure of protection, though I cannot be sure. Even Lord Celeborn did not seem certain as to why it was so important you were safe.” He was still angry, but couldn’t resist one little jab at Faramir… which was exactly why he did not have any friends or lovers. Arrogance tended to run friendly people – and Elves – off quite quickly. “Unless, of course, you somehow managed to bribe someone to keep me from harm’s way because you simply could not bear the thought of never kissing me again. I could hardly blame you for that.”

Faramir’s lips twitched despite himself, almost giving in to a grin. Arrogance, usually something that irritated him in people, suited Haldir for some reason. “I cannot understand how or why I would be important enough to need a guardian… steward’s son or not, and it is not as if I need a guardian,” he answered somewhat indignant himself. He was after all a capable fighter though at the moment he had to admit he could not possibly protect himself. The memory of the two kisses they shared came to mind unbidden and Faramir unconsciously licked his lips and quickly looked away from the Elf. “Is the king going to lead his people back to Medulseld or will they remain here in Helms Deep in case Saruman sends a second wave?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“I would not know,” Haldir sighed, giving in a little as he saw Faramir’s lips twitch. “I have been too busy watching over you. No one has felt the need to tell me much other than to ask about you and make sure I am changing your bandages. I seem to have gone from warrior to nursemaid in a matter of hours. I must say, I am glad the Elves under my command cannot see me now…”

Faramir glanced back at the Elf; feeling badly for what was obviously not a comfortable situation for Haldir. “I am sorry I have been so much trouble, I suppose you could have saved yourself all this trouble and left me to die on the wall,” Faramir mused darkly.

“Or… and here is an idea… you could have just let that orc kill me like he was supposed to,” Haldir retorted just as darkly. He glared at Faramir for a moment, then, as if his words and his body were at complete odds with one another, tucked the covers up more closely around him. “Did you consider saving another Elf, or was I just the only ‘lucky’ one?”

Faramir sighed and winced from the deep breath. “You were not supposed to die that night, I told you that. And no… you are the only lucky one, the one that I knew… in my heart that was supposed to live. I know you wish differently Haldir and I am sorry that you hate me so much for ruining your plans… but I had to do it. Something… something else is at work here, there’s a reason you were supposed to live. It may have nothing to do with me at all… perhaps protecting me… staying with me is only to keep you safe from harm for some reason,” Faramir tried to explain though he didn’t entirely believe his own words. None of it made sense really. And why couldn’t he concentrate well when the Elf was so close? All he could think of each time Haldir came close to him was how his lips had felt against his own, how he’d tasted. His eyes caught with Haldir’s and he stared into them for a moment. “For one so bitter about life… you have the sweetest kisses I have ever known.” The words were said aloud though Faramir was certain he’d meant to keep them to himself.

Haldir was about to argue, but stopped at Faramir’s last words. He leaned forward, resting both arms on the side of the bed and sighed. “While I do not have to like what you did, or why you did it, I do have to admit that I enjoyed our kisses… well, our one, single kiss. The second one was only to quiet you. The first, however, I have to admit, was especially sweet. We are not going to agree that your almost killing yourself to save the life of an Elf who did not want saving was the right thing to do, but we can agree to the mutual sweetness of that kiss, I think.” Despite himself, he found that he was smiling. “We can argue and kiss you know. There is no law that says we cannot do both.”

Faramir found himself grinning as Haldir leaned closer, agreeing with him, and he felt his breath catch at his last words. “No… there is no law against it, and it is much more difficult to argue or scold,” he said grinning, “when our lips are otherwise… occupied.” Faramir wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing. Why he had asked Haldir to kiss him the first time, why he’d enjoyed the second kiss so much and why he wanted the Elf to kiss him again. Well, perhaps he knew the why of it, he found the Elf beautiful and he wanted him but… he’d never felt like this before with anyone else.

If nothing else, Haldir had to admit there was a physical attraction between them. He didn’t have to like it, but he couldn’t deny it either. He would never have thought that he of all Elves, would be attracted to a Man, but the feeling seemed mutual, and he saw no reason why they couldn’t enjoy the more attractive benefits of this forced arrangement. “You thought you were dying the first time you asked me to kiss you,” he said softly, forgetting his anger for the moment as his fingers tugged gently on a lock of dark copper hair so unlike his own. “Now that you know you are not, I suppose I could grant you that same wish again, if you are lucky…” He was teasing now, shocking even himself, for he was, above all else, not an Elf who teased.

“Only if I am lucky then… that is disappointing because I seem to have exceedingly bad luck of late,” Faramir teased in return. “I guess my kiss in return was lacking since you do not seem interested in kissing me without my asking.” He swallowed hard as he saw the Elf’s eyes darken, unsure if he had angered him with his teasing or if what he saw was desire. Unconsciously, he licked his lips and looked at the Elf, not letting his gaze falter. The lingering pain of his injury seemed blocked out for now and all that he heard was the beat of his own heart loudly in his ears.

Haldir’s fingers released Faramir’s hair and slipped gently behind his neck. Careful not to move the injured side of his body, the Elf’s hand cooled the heated skin beneath his fingers and he smiled. “Oh, I am interested,” he murmured. “If I am to be stuck with you until we reach Gondor, then I see no reason why we cannot mutually… benefit from the arrangement.” He moved a bit closer, smelling the ointment he had so liberally applied to Faramir’s chest less than an hour earlier, along with a deeper, richer smell that seemed to stir his very blood. His tongue snaked out and licked at the Ranger’s lips as he moved closer still. “You foolish, stubborn Man. Everything with you is going to be a battle, I think…” His last words were lost in Faramir’s mouth as he managed to press their lips together, and at the same time keep Faramir from moving and hurting himself again. He was pressed gently against him, holding him carefully, yet in such a manner that he hoped Faramir wouldn’t even realize the he couldn’t easily move. To further distract him, and for his own pleasure, Haldir had to admit, the Elf’s tongue slowly explored every inch of Faramir’s mouth, then backed away, coaxing his ‘patient’ to explore as well.

Faramir’s heart was pounding in his chest as Haldir’s fingers slid under his hair and pressed against the back of his neck. Heat flooded through him, his body reacting to the Elf even before a slick tongue bushed against his lips forcing a gasp from him. He would have protested, said that he was not the stubborn one that Haldir was, but he couldn’t think. He welcomed Haldir’s kiss, sucking on his tongue, dueling with his own even as he was held still. If he were not wounded a thought crossed his mind that he would simply pull Haldir down into the bed with him and beg the Elf to claim him. The thought fueled his need and when Haldir drew away, inviting Faramir to return the kiss the young man did so, kissing the Elf hard, his tongue exploring the sweetness he knew he would never forget. Faramir didn’t understand why he felt this much attraction for Haldir, but it was undeniable that it was a feeling which was returned.

The Elf pulled away and nibbled lightly on Faramir’s lower lip, not even noticing, yet, how much stronger he seemed when they were close. “The few Elves I have granted kisses to found me too demanding,” he confessed, letting his lips trail down over Faramir’s jaw, then up to his ear, avoiding his neck so as not to cause him pain despite the fact that he was drugged with countless painkillers. “Yet I find that taking what I want is the surest way to pleasure.” His breath was hot on Faramir’s skin, and his own skin felt heated as well. “I see you seem to share that same philosophy.”

Faramir was breathless when Haldir drew away and he smiled as the Elf spoke. “Taking what you want from someone willing and wanting to give every thing tends to generally work out,” Faramir murmured. It was true as well. Faramir was willing to give Haldir anything he asked for or even submit to the Elf if he were to take what he wanted. Faramir might have been appalled at himself when he realized that, might find it demeaning but he didn’t. He wanted Haldir… in every possible way one could want a lover. “You said you have no lover… that you’ve usually paid for sex… but when I am well enough Gods, hopefully soon would you be opposed to someone who simply wants you no matter what?”

The surprise was evident in Haldir’s eyes at Faramir’s words, though he quickly tried to hide it. The cool demeanor that he worked so hard to maintain slipped back into place but he didn’t pull away. He knew he wasn’t all that likeable, and was surprised that Faramir didn’t see that as well already. “When you are well enough, you may no longer want me,” he said softly, though the very thought of being with Faramir in such a manner made his sex stir behind the lacings of his breeches. “But if you do, then no, I would not be opposed to that at all. Despite your rather glaringly mistaken ideas about my not being supposed to die here, I am attracted to you for some strange reason. You are stubborn, hardheaded, and quite argumentative, normally the type I avoid, but this time, I think I might just make an exception. Aye… you are indeed the luckiest Man in the city, I think…”

Faramir almost laughed as Haldir spoke; instead he smiled and pressed his lips forward to meet the Elf’s again briefly. “You are everything I normally would not like, let alone wish to share my body with. You are arrogant and bossy and quite argumentative yourself… but it works on you or rather… works on me, because I do want you, Haldir,” he whispered. Gods, he hoped then that he hadn’t made a mistake, had he somehow saved his life because he wanted him and not because he was supposed to as he originally thought? Now was not the time for doubt, so he simply used his good arm to tug Haldir closer, opening his lips to him and giving himself over to another deep kiss. Faramir was actually on the verge of trying to work out how he could manage to not get hurt should they actually relieve this tension between them but a knock at the door caused him to startle and moan in pain. “Whoever that is, has horrible timing,” he complained feeling his eyes water from the pain.

Haldir sighed into the kiss, and silently cursed whoever was on the other side of the door as he pulled away. He too had been trying to work out the logistics of doing a bit more than kissing, and then reminded himself that Faramir was still a very sick young man, as evidenced by the soft moan that rang throughout the room. He straightened his tunic and Faramir’s blankets and leaned back in the chair as if nothing had happened. “Enter,” he said, his normal disdainful tone of voice firmly back in place and his eyes settling on the door, rather than on Faramir’s rather red and swollen lips.

The healer entered to check on Faramir and immediately noted two things, the young man was awake, and two… he seemed flushed. “You are not running a fever again are you?” he asked bustling into the room with a basket of bandages and medicines.

“No… I… just moved wrong and it pained me is all,” Faramir lied and looked at Haldir to see if he wished to offer any other explanation. The Elf merely grinned at him behind the old healer’s back so Faramir sighed and simply watched the old man. “You can just leave everything, I’m not really feeling up to being poked at.”

The healer raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Very well… I’ll have someone bring more food, neither of you have touched the trays.”

“Something with a bit of taste this time might be nice,” Haldir added dryly, sifting through the bandages that the healer had brought in. “And maybe you could have some of the softer bandages brought in? These are too coarse… they seemed to hurt him last time I changed them. The wide, white ones are best, and now that he is awake, I think he might need some stronger herbs in the tea for the pain.” He didn’t even realize how thoroughly he had taken over Faramir’s care even now, as he gave the healer his ‘orders.’ But Faramir had pulled away from even the old healer’s touch, and the white bandages really didn’t seem to irritate the skin as much. “Oh, and if you could send a cot in here? This chair is getting quite uncomfortable…”

The old man’s lips twitched, almost ready to ask if the haughty Elf wanted anything else but noticed that the young lord was smiling and seemed amused by the Elf’s behavior. “I’ll make arrangements for everything to be sent in… I am unsure about a spare cot, most are being used for our injured, but I’ll see what I can do,” the old man answered.

“I think he only knows one tone of voice and that is for giving orders,” Faramir said softly and drawing a chuckle from the old healer.

“Fair enough… you do seem much better than the last few days… I’ll be back tomorrow then to check on you,” with that the healer left trying to remember everything the Elf had asked for.

As the door closed Faramir laughed, he regretted it but couldn’t help himself. “Look at you… you have no idea why I’m laughing.”

“I can only assume that the herbs have something to do with it,” Haldir sniffed, at a loss as to what was so amusing. “Either that, or the axe was poisoned after all and has somehow affected your brain.”

Trying not to laugh any harder, Faramir looked up at the ceiling rather than at Haldir. “That old healer walked in here and the moment he did, you started barking orders at him… did it ever occur to you that he is not one of your wardens?” Faramir asked curiously. “Or do you generally speak to everyone that way?” Faramir suspected he already knew the answer.

Haldir leveled his gaze at Faramir and looked completely bewildered. “I told you, you might not like me when this is over,” he shrugged. “And I think you know the answer to your question. I have been sitting here with you for days on end; I have changed your bandages and given you your medicine, so of course I know what is best for you. It only makes sense that he do as I tell him, since it is in your best interest, and his, so that he has one less patient to worry about.” It seemed perfectly simple to Haldir, yet Faramir still seemed to be amused. “See why I do not have any friends or lovers?” he finally groused, crossing his arms over his chest again and turning his gaze toward the window, ignoring Faramir completely.

Faramir glanced over at the Elf and sighed. “I am not… displeased with you, Haldir, I found it amusing is all… that you just sort of… took over where my care was concerned even though… you were not pleased with being charged with the task. I have a notion that you never do anything in half measures and you expect… perfection… those things should not mutually exclude friends or lovers though,” Faramir said softly before looking away again. At least not understanding ones.

Blue eyes turned back to Faramir, still suspicious, but a bit softer now. “No, I do not believe in half measures,” the Elf admitted. “I have been ordered to watch over you, keep you safe, and take you home to Gondor, and that is what I shall do. If we become friends or lovers along the way, I cannot say that I will regret that… though afterward, when you are safe in your chambers, I will again seek my death in battle… and there will be no half measures there either. I will not sail to Aman and be pitied for my uselessness.”

Faramir opened his mouth to argue that Haldir was obviously more than what he seemed to tell himself he was but decided that now was not the best time for another argument. He hated the idea of Haldir still wishing to die rather than sail or stay in Arda. “Then I shall hope it is a long recovery process and journey home,” Faramir muttered and closed his eyes. “Because I very much like the idea of becoming lovers along the way.”

Haldir narrowed his eyes and studied Faramir in silence for long moments, not understanding him in the least. “The journey will end the same way, with my death, but I certainly do not object to a few… shared pleasures along the way,” he agreed. “And I think we can find great pleasure in each other as long… especially, if you learn to keep that smart, but very delicious mouth of yours closed except when we are kissing.” In truth, he enjoyed Faramir’s teasing and humor, though he was sometimes at a loss to understand him. Very few beings of any form had ever made him laugh, but he seemed to have to struggle not to do just that around this maddening Ranger. “Now hush and sleep, Faramir. You need to gather your strength. I will have to change your bandages again very soon.”

“Ah well, at least perhaps I can give you some good memories before you leave this world for Mandos then,” Faramir quipped dryly, though not amused in the least. He sighed and tried to relax against the bed. “I am tired even if I have been sleeping for days now…” he said softly as he used his good hand to pull the covers up just a bit more. He was asleep soon after that and even in his dreams he hoped that Haldir would not be seeking out a battle anytime in the near future.

The golden Elf sat in silence, simply watching Faramir sleep, remembering how he had saved him, still not understanding why he would do such a thing. As he watched over the courageous young Ranger, he wondered again what Celeborn had planned for him, and where he fit into the scheme of this war that truly had little to do with Elves, in his opinion, in the first place. He didn’t understand Men, nor did he like them for the most part, with, possibly one exception… the one sleeping before him. “You confuse me,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair and deciding to get some rest until someone brought more food and supplies. And I do not like being confused.

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