Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 2

Faramir at first thought the Elf might laugh at his request or make an excuse at the very least not to kiss him. But it seemed that as the Elf assessed him that he came to a decision. His heart skipped when the blond spoke, whispering his name and then moving closer. Time seemed to still for a moment, Faramir forgot his pain and very real fear of impending death as soft, full lips pressed against his own. The warmth of them against his was so sweetly perfect that Faramir gasped, his lips parting to allow the kiss to slip from chaste to much deeper. His tongue moved with Haldir’s, tasting his sweetness and feeling warmth and light seem to rush into him. The kiss brought him such peace that his entire body relaxed while heat coiled in the center. When the Elf finally drew away again, Faramir was breathless and stared up into eyes that seemed as confused as he too felt. He smiled slightly just before slipping into darkness, his body unable to remain conscious any longer.

Haldir sighed when Faramir slipped into unconsciousness, but gathered him close again as another blast shook the entire keep. Laying him back down carefully when the shaking stopped, he ran a tired hand over his eyes and sat on the edge of the table, studying the man before him. He would not find his own death in this room, that much was for certain, though death would take the Ranger at any moment. So sure was he that Faramir would not live, he was almost startled with every new breath he took. He would not open his eyes again, Haldir told himself, and would never know if he died alone. Had Haldir not kissed him, he might have convinced himself of that. Instead of leaving, he set to work on binding Faramir’s wound, grateful that at least he could not feel anything now. When he was finished, he looked longingly toward the door, torn between wanting to rush back out to the battle and doing something more to help this Ranger who was dying in his place. “You should not have done this, Faramir,” he repeated, though his voice was soft and not nearly as angry as it would have been had Faramir not been dying. “You should have minded your own business and left me to my death… it was my wish to die here, like this, and you have taken that from me.”

Faramir could not hear Haldir’s words of course, had no idea the Elf was with him, had no idea he was dead or alive really. He was completely oblivious to it all for now, but he would not stay unconscious forever.

The pain of his injuries stirred Faramir awake a short while later. The first thing he heard as he came awake again was that the battle was still raging outside but it sounded closer than before. His body was shaking; he was so cold, his still damp clothes clinging to him and the chill of the room making his shoulder and chest hurt even worse. He licked at chapped lips and opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the low torchlight of the small chamber. “They have broken through?” he asked softly, realizing the Elf was still there with him.

Blue eyes had been staring toward the window as Haldir listened to the screams of Men, orcs, and Elves around them. He should be there, but he knew in his heart that one more Elf would likely not make a difference. So intently was he listening and picturing what was going on around them, he jumped when Faramir spoke. Nodding grimly, he met Faramir’s gaze and was surprised to find some strength still in pain-filled blue eyes. “Aye. They broke through a while ago. I have heard trolls and the sounds of creatures I have heard of only in fables outside these windows.” He noticed that the Ranger was shivering only now and wished he still had his cloak. Removing his outer tunic instead, he rested it over Faramir’s arms and chest and took his hand. “Once it is safe, I will take you to the healers. They can mend your wound and take better care of you than I can.”

Faramir was surprised that the orcs had broken through the walls of Helms Deep, it had never happened in any history he could recall and he was certain he’d read them all. He watched in silence as the Elf removed one of his outer tunics to lay over him for warmth. “You must be doing something right,” Faramir said softly and saw Haldir’s eyebrows raise, “I am yet alive… so you are doing something right because… I was certain I would be dead by now.” Faramir didn’t dare move, didn’t dare breathe too deeply, knowing that the pain he felt even now would increase beyond being able to bear.

Haldir sighed, unable to truly be upset with the Man before him who spoke truthfully – by all accounts, he should be dead by now with such a wound. “I was certain I would be dead by now as well,” he said almost longingly. “You, however, should still be fighting, not lying here in pain for me. I came here to die, Faramir, not to watch you do it for me.” He tempered his words by taking the Ranger’s long, cold fingers in his own and rubbing them gently. “You are cold. There are embers that have flown through the windows that I can use to build a fire with if you can stand to let me move you off this table. We can burn it and rest before the flames if you think that might help.”

Frowning deeply when Haldir spoke, Faramir made the mistake of trying to shake his head. He moaned and his hand clamped tight around the Elf’s as he tried to comfort him even after his words distressed him so. “Why say that? Why would you wish for death? You are immortal and… and too beautiful to die like that,” Faramir whispered, unable to believe what Haldir had said.

Unable to keep a small smile from his face, Haldir shook his head. “I am but one of many Elves,” he said softly, “no more or less beautiful than any other, and immortality is not always the gift many Men think it to be. You would not understand. Just know that I came here today with the hopes of seeing the Halls of Mandos around me the next time I opened my eyes.”

Faramir could not help but frown again as Haldir spoke, before he could answer though he shivered and the pain of it caused him to cry out. “I think… Gods… I think you might be right about a fire, I’m so cold and each movement makes me hurt even worse, even the slightest shiver,” he said still clinging tight to the Elf’s warm fingers. He still could not believe one like Haldir would wish to die. Immortality may not be as perfect as one wishes, life was often hard sometimes painful, sometimes lonely, but surely Haldir’s life cannot be so bad as all that to wish to give it all up?

Haldir nodded, the contact from both the earlier kiss and the linking of their hands more contact than he’d had with anyone, let alone a Man, in centuries. “Very well,” he nodded, slipping his hand from Faramir’s and sliding his arms beneath him. “Just try and relax while I move you, then you can rest while I tear the table apart. The warmth will help.” With that, he slowly pulled Faramir against him, wincing as he saw the other’s eyes darken with pain. He kept talking as he crossed the room with Faramir resting against him, hoping to distract him. “This was my last chance to fight, and more than anything I have longed for a warrior’s death. I have no intention of sailing with the other Elves to Aman, and dying here, like this, in the heat of battle would save me from having to explain why I wish to avoid the one place that all of my kin have longed all their lives for.”

Faramir’s hand immediately felt cold again as soon as Haldir released him and he bit his lip hard against the pain as the strong Elf lifted him and carried him close to the hearth. There was a threadbare rug there but at least something between his body and the cold floor and he managed to bite back a scream of pain as Haldir carefully laid him down again. “I can understand wishing for an honorable death, all soldiers wish that if they have to die, it should be in battle, with honor, fighting for what they believe in… but… but you do not have to have that fate. Why would you choose death over eternity with your family and friends— your loved ones?”

As Haldir crossed the room again and carried the table closer to Faramir, he shrugged. “I have no friends or loved ones, really,” he explained, ripping off one leg of the table as easily as a Man would snap a ruler in half. “I have two brothers who have no need for anyone but themselves, and I have spent so much time alone, I am not fit for the company of others any longer.” Another leg was ripped off and laid inside the fireplace next to the first. “I am happiest while on patrol – I am a Marcharden, by the way – and once the Elves reach Aman, there will be no real need for protection, so… I can think of no place that I would be less needed – or more unhappy. The Halls of Mandos, however, might offer me something that I cannot find here on Arda… at least, I have been hoping so.”

Listening as the Elf spoke, Faramir managed to turn his head just enough to be able to regard Haldir as he began to disassemble the table with more ease than any man Faramir had ever witnessed. “None? No lover? No one who would miss you? You… you aren’t even close with your brothers?” Faramir asked having a hard time understanding. He was extremely close to his brother and though his father was hard on him… he did love him. He could understand just a small amount of Haldir’s unhappiness, if his entire life, which was likely several human lifetimes, was spent guarding and protecting how would he do that in a place that needed neither? The Elf was equating his worth with what he did not who he was, a trap even he, himself fell into at times when he felt he should be more of the soldier his father wanted, than the man who longed for peace that he was.

“No, no lover,” Haldir sighed, tearing off the last leg of the table and using it to nudge a glowing ember that rested beneath the window toward the fireplace. “My brothers are madly in love with each other and I have never been close to them. As for a lover… I have paid for sex now and again, if that is what you mean, but buying a night of passion is not exactly what I have in mind to do for an eternity. I could not afford it. Besides, I am not the friendliest, or most loveable of Elves, and I have no desire to woo someone into wanting to spend eternity with me.” Pausing to blow on the ember until a small splinter of the table leg tentatively caught fire, he moved to sit beside Faramir, watching as the flames slowly began to build. “So you see, you have quite disturbed my plans already, Faramir. I am hoping to get you to the healers soon and go and meet my death with honor before the fighting ends.”

Faramir had the oddest temptation when Haldir said he had no lover to ask if he wanted one. Specifically, him for some reason he couldn’t explain. He refrained of course; a man on his deathbed shouldn’t be thinking such things. He frowned as Haldir went on though about paying for sex. “I do not find you so unfriendly,” Faramir said after a moment. “You’ve been kind to me at least and I am afraid right now, in the shape I am in, I am sorely in need of such kindness.” He couldn’t address the other, he did not regret upsetting Haldir’s plans. In fact, now that he knew this, he hoped to keep the Elf with him as long as he could.

“You do not know me well enough to dislike me,” Haldir said with an odd half-smile, thinking that for some odd reason, he didn’t really want Faramir to dislike him. Then, of course, he came to his senses… of course he wanted Faramir to dislike him. He was being kind only because the Man was dying… would soon be dead if the looks of that wound were any indication, though he seemed to be hanging on rather well at the moment. Unfortunately. The Elf couldn’t help but look longingly toward the window. It wouldn’t matter either way… they would likely both be dead by daybreak. “It is getting quieter out there. Maybe we should try and get you to the healer’s quarters now.”

Faramir snorted as Haldir said he didn’t know him well enough to dislike him and immediately regretted it. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he looked over at the Elf as Haldir stared toward the window where he wished to meet his honorable death. “Will you just leave me with them and disappear for me to never see you again?”

Haldir turned and met Faramir’s gaze squarely. Again, the very honor of the firstborn kept him in place, and at the same time would not allow him to lie… though the memory of those soft lips opening up before his own didn’t help matters either. “Aye. You were injured only because of me, so I will not leave you, but I have no intention of ending this night alive. I argued that Men did not deserve the help of the Elves, and I admit you have changed my mind about that, but I still want to die here, now, and avoid further discussion of Aman and all that it holds for an Elf like myself.”

Faramir opened his mouth to say ‘then do not go to Aman’ but refrained. Why would Haldir wish to stay on Arda when all his kind was leaving it? He would be surrounded by men and from the sound of his words, he felt men as undeserving. No, he would not like that fate either. But then his next words confused the young man. If Faramir had changed his opinion of men then why would he still wish to fulfill this foolish goal? It was a waste of a perfectly good person… someone that Faramir thought just needed something to live for. “I do not wish to watch you die, so perhaps it would be best to leave me with the healers and go seek your death then,” Faramir said sadly. “I think you are wrong, I think you have your mind and heart set on the wrong goal, mellonamin.” He closed his eyes then, trying to relax against the pain, the conversation with Haldir taking his mind off it at times.

As Faramir spoke, Haldir found himself stealing glances at the Ranger’s lips. He couldn’t seem to help himself. “So you feel up to my taking you from this room then?” he asked. He was surprised, and oddly reluctant to do so, but then again, he could get back on track with his original plans. So intent was he on the conversation with Faramir that he failed to notice that the fighting seemed to have quieted outside their window.

Faramir’s eyes opened and he stared up at the high ceiling above him for a moment. “Aye, you might as well,” he agreed though not with any sort of enthusiasm. He wished the Elf would change his mind but he seemed quite stubborn. “I hope if you leave and return to the fight that you will not hate me for praying for your safety… for I still do not believe it is your fate to die here today. I… I often see things… visions if you will, I saw what your death would have been had I not stopped it… it was not your time yet, Haldir, and I still do not believe this place is where you will find this death you so eagerly seek.”

Haldir, seeing his chance to get back to the battle, rose and gently pulled Faramir back into his arms. He stood before the fire for a moment, hoping to warm him a bit before they set out as he thought about what the Ranger had said. “So where do you see me finding my death?” he asked softly, giving the young man a half-smile. “And why would you pray for my safety? You do not know me… though you almost died for me. Why would my life – or death – matter to you at all?”

Faramir groaned as he was pulled into strong arms and rested his head against Haldir’s chest. “I do not know where yet, but I do not feel it is here… it is too… hard and cold,” he murmured and looked up at the Elf as they stood before the warming flames. “And your life matters, Haldir, I would pray for anyone on our side in these times… but you are right… I did almost die for you and may still yet. I… I came here because of a vision, I came here because the vision insisted my future lie here, and when I saw that orc behind you I knew then, that it was my duty and my fate to protect you. I do not know why… but I do… find you exceedingly beautiful. Maybe I just did not wish to see something so beautiful destroyed amongst so much horror tonight.”

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