Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 17

Faramir was sitting on the edge of the bed and Haldir was getting undressed. It had been a long and tiring day, Osgiliath had been attacked and Sauron’s army had been beaten back for now but it was likely that would change soon. There were simply too many orcs against too few men. When he looked up at his lover, he noticed something… he rarely really looked at Haldir’s back… it seemed odd as much time as they had spent naked with one another, but Faramir realized he was just never really behind his lover that often. His eyes roamed over his body from the heels up. Perfectly formed legs, strong and powerful for running in the forests… up to a backside that Faramir had always loved touching and toying with when they were in bed together but had never really gotten the opportunity to admire before. Haldir’s waist was slender moving up to broad shoulders and then Faramir stopped. Haldir’s skin was perfection everywhere he’d ever seen before except… there in the center of his back, just below his shoulder blades were… scars? The marks were faint and might not have been seen if Haldir were not standing nearest to the lamplight. They striped across in a crisscross patter that was unmistakable. Haldir had been flogged in the past? Haldir? The Elf would not even consider disobeying an order, he was flogged for something? Or… was it something else?

He stood and walked across the room and pressed his lips against Haldir’s shoulder. “I’ve never noticed these before… in all these weeks,” he whispered still surprised that he hadn’t.

Haldir flinched only a little as Faramir’s mouth moved against his skin. He hadn’t realized he still bore scars, but shouldn’t have been surprised. No one had ever noticed them before, given his previous sexual encounters that were more like business transactions than anything else, and certainly, no one but Faramir had had the opportunity to see them. He turned toward his lover and draped one arm over Faramir’s shoulders. “They are nothing,” he assured him, determined to change the subject though he had the distinct feeling Faramir would question him about the scars he’d gotten so long ago. “Do you want to read for a while tonight, or are you too tired?”

Faramir frowned when Haldir said the scars were nothing. Obviously they were something if he had them but it seemed that his lover was not interested in discussing them with him. He wondered if he should push for an answer, but then thought maybe Haldir just was not ready to share something like that with him. Faramir worried for a moment that Haldir might not trust him with the information but tried to push that worry away. “I am tired and actually I do not think I could even focus enough to read… I am still worried about what Sauron has planned. The push into Osgiliath was bad but I have a sense that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. More of Gondor’s people will die in the coming days I fear… and… sleep seems to be the only time my mind is off of it all.”

Relieved that Faramir wasn’t going to push for more information, Haldir smiled and brushed his lover’s hair back from each temple. His hands came to rest at the back of his neck beneath the soft; dark strands and began gently kneading Faramir’s neck as they walked toward the bed. “Then we will sleep, and trust that Gandalf’s words are true – that the hobbits will indeed destroy Sauron’s ring and this war will end.” As he spoke, he crawled into bed and looked expectantly up at Faramir, waiting for him to climb in as well and mold his body against Haldir’s as he did every night. Though he would have a difficult time admitting it, Haldir looked forward to that feeling all during the day – the moment when he could truly relax, holding Faramir close and knowing that he was safe, and that no matter what else happened on all of Arda, they were together.

Faramir smiled when Haldir touched him so tenderly and kneaded his sore neck that way. The stress of the last few weeks had wreaked havoc on his neck and shoulders but Haldir had seemed to understand that so well and always made it feel better just by touching him that way and helping Faramir to relax. He nodded as he was directed toward the bed and sighed as he watched Haldir crawl in and soon followed. “I have always trusted Gandalf but… the hobbits… they are just so small I worry for them too and I know Pippin does. I cannot believe that Gandalf would put them in danger if he did not think they could do it though,” he whispered as he scooted close and rested his head against Haldir’s chest, over his heart. “I am sorry that I have not been such wonderful company the last few days… you’ve tolerated my moodiness better than I expected,” he teased a little. It was true; Faramir had been… difficult the last few days.

“You were moody even when we first met,” Haldir shrugged as he wrapped his arms around Faramir and tugged the blankets over them both. He’d finally gotten used to sleeping this way, something he never dreamed he’d do, and, as usual didn’t even attempt to soften his words. “I am hoping that it will improve after Aragorn relieves you of some of your work, but I am prepared to put up with them even if they persist after he comes. I have found the good moods far outweigh the bad ones.”

Faramir laughed at Haldir’s answer and scrunched up his nose as he looked up at him. “That so?” he grinned. “Well I hope so too… I do not know how father did this alone for so long… but then he had learned everything at a young age… I have stepped in after little training and just stumbling along. But I’m glad you think the good moods outweigh the bad ones… perhaps we can tip the scales in favor of the good more often once this war is over. There are times I think perhaps I can see the end and see peace and others that all I see is darkness… I wish I knew for certain which was right.”

“Perhaps you will have another dream that will tell you,” Haldir murmured, pressing a kiss against his lover’s temple. “Though I did not believe in them until recently, they seem to hold some truth.” He yawned, and turned slightly toward Faramir, thinking that he would be glad when his long days of working for Gondor were over – or at least reduced – as well. “I have always been told that the last thing you think of before sleeping is what you will most likely dream about. So, think of what you would like to know… and see if that helps.”

Faramir smiled and snuggled closer, loving that Haldir now held him easily and not as if Faramir might bite him, as he had when they were first together. He too yawned and closed his eyes as he rested against Haldir. “Hmm, what I would like to know…” he whispered sleepily. “Good night, love,” he said as his voice trailed off. He was exhausted and for a few hours he slept peacefully, no dreams invading his mind at all good or bad.

As the night wore on, Faramir did begin to dream. It was not just any dream— it was a vision. He could always tell them from other dreams somehow, even in sleep. He also could never awaken until the entire vision played out, no matter how difficult it was to witness. Generally his dreams were of the future but tonight his dream was of the past… Haldir’s past… the one thing he’d been thinking that he wanted to know. At first Faramir did not recognize the Elfling. But then his eyes drew Faramir in. He looked so frightened and Faramir’s heart broke for him.

Haldir stood wide-eyed in the corner of the large room, staring around him at the older and bigger Elves who hurried to one task or another, never sparing him a glance. He was the youngest Elf present, but his parents had thought he was ready to be sent away, to learn the ways of a warrior, to be prepared both mentally and physically for the war they knew was to come.

He knew no one, and no one seemed to want to know him. Normally an outgoing and engaging Elfling, he now felt distinctly out of place, missing his family, his friends, the only home he’d ever known. And so, he stood, being ignored, for the greater part of his first day, until finally, a large, intimidating Elf with long dark hair and icy blue eyes took note. He crossed the room and grabbed Haldir by the ear, causing the small Elf to yelp and struggle. “You are in the way, and are accomplishing nothing!” the older Elf snapped. “Some warrior you will make!” With that, he drug Haldir to his quarters, threw him in, and glared at him from the doorway. “This is the only home you will know for the next two hundred years, so I suggest you get used to it,” he growled. “Your lessons begin tonight after dinner. If you are late, you will start your first day off with 20 lashes. Do I make myself clear?”

Haldir nodded and was rewarded by the other Elf grabbing his arm hard and shaking him. “Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?”

A single tear fell from Haldir’s eye as he nodded, but answered. “Aye, sir.”

A slap across his face startled the small Elf and it was all he could do to bite back a sob, not knowing what he’d managed to do wrong already. He just wanted to go home.

“A warrior never cries. Let that be your first lesson.”

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