Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 16

Later that same evening while Faramir slept, Gandalf had learned what happened and came to their room. Haldir spoke with him about what had taken place while Faramir slept and Gandalf agreed to speak with the council.

The next day, Faramir tried his best to act as proudly as he could when he addressed the council about the arrangements for Denethor’s funeral. It had not been easy on him and had Haldir not been beside him, offering his strength of his hand under the table, Faramir may not have been able to get through it. He knew Haldir was not accustomed to touching others, especially in public, but since it was unseen by the others it seemed the Elf did not mind. He had not spoken of love since that night he’d saved Faramir in the tower, but he did not need to. Faramir knew his just being there meant that Haldir loved him and the fact he would glare down any councilor who even looked as if they might question or argue with Faramir did not seem to stray from that either.

Several more days would pass and things would return to as much normalcy as they could. Faramir was still ruling the city, awaiting Aragorn and his party to arrive, hopefully before Sauron’s army was mustered but the reports were not good.

One of which he was reading and feeling more and more helpless… this had to be why his father had turned to the palantir hoping it held answers.

Haldir’s arms were full of books and notes Faramir needed to begin holding council again, a task Denethor had failed to do for several months. The backlog was long and dull, and the last thing Faramir needed to worry about on top of everything else, but it had to be done, and in matters such as the ones on the long list lying at the corner of Faramir’s desk, only the steward’s word could settle the disagreements. The Elf preferred to avoid everyone in the city, so he’d taken to using the back passageways, though thankfully, due to his general demeanor and impatience, not many would have stopped to talk to him even if he had walked the hallways.

As he stepped into the room, knowing Faramir would be alone, he frowned at the lines of worry on his lover’s face and the tired slump of his shoulders. “You have exactly half an hour to finish what you are doing,” Haldir stated in his usual haughty manner, dumping everything in his arms on one corner of Faramir’s desk. “I will be back then.” With that, he left the room, hurrying back down the passage, already forming a plan in his mind.

Faramir looked up from the parchment he was reading at his lover and started to offer a smile until Haldir spoke. His eyebrows shot up and he looked at him for only a moment before Haldir set everything down with a loud thud on the side of his desk and announced that Faramir needed to be finished with what he was doing in thirty minutes. He started to protest but his lover was already out of the room again. “Half an hour? I’ll be lucky to get through with all of this in half a year!” Faramir complained, sitting back in his chair and wincing. Whenever he grew very tired his shoulder would ache horribly but he had been avoiding speaking with Gandalf or the healers about it, assuming nothing could be done for it anyway. He rubbed at the soreness though and wondered just what Haldir was up to… why would he need him finished in half an hour? He grinned then, thinking perhaps Haldir just wished to… oh. Faramir’s smile grew a little wider at the implication and he set back to work feeling a bit better than before. (Even if Haldir hadn’t meant it that way… it was a nice frame of mind to be in at least.)

Muttering to himself that he would be glad when Aragorn finally managed to find the time to run his city, Haldir made his way to the kitchens where, as usual, all activity stopped as the servants waited for their orders. They’d found that Haldir’s bark was worse than his bite, and at times, he even managed a ‘thank you’ or ‘please’ now and then, when he remembered. At least now, they didn’t cower in fear at the look on his face, which seemed to just be the natural serious look of a being who had not had much practice in the art of smiling. “I need a basket full of food,” he said to no one in particular. “An entire meal to be exact – a meal for two. I want meats, bread, cheese, fruit and something sweet, and I need it now.”

An older plump woman stepped forward. “A basket of food for two… and I suppose you would you like wine too?” the woman asked knowing exactly who the Elf was and who and what it was likely the basket was for. She brushed past the Elf and began gathering things and then turned to the others who were just staring at the Elf as they always seemed to do. “You heard him… get on with it!” she snapped and everyone else began to scatter around the room gathering various things as well. “It won’t be a few moments, Master Elf,” she said as she directed a few of the other servants. Within fifteen minutes the basket was being packed and the old woman disappeared into another room and appeared again. “If you’re planning what I think you are… you’ll need this too,” she said shoving a thick blanket out in front of her.

Haldir found he liked the older woman’s no nonsense tone and manner and graced her with a half-smile. He took the blanket and nodded his head in thanks. “Aye. I had forgotten the blanket,” he agreed, taking the basket from one of the other servants and folding the blanket over his arm. He started to walk away, but stopped just when he got to the door. “And… yes… I should… I should thank you and all that…” That was as much as he could manage at the time, so worried was he about Faramir’s obvious exhaustion, and before the last word was out of his mouth, he was heading back toward his lover’s study, still talking to himself about Aragorn and his lack of responsibility. When he opened the door, he spoke before he even looked at Faramir. “Your time is up, Faramir. Come with me.”

Faramir looked up, half startled, when Haldir practically barked at him to come with him. “Come with you where? You know thirty minutes was not enough to finish what I was… what are you doing?” he asked as he saw the blanket over one arm and the basket in Haldir’s hand. “Haldir?”

With a put-upon sigh, Haldir tapped his fingers on the doorway and shook his head. “Thirty minutes is more than enough, when I told you that was all you had,” he admonished. “And as for what I am doing… I am waiting for you, because we are going to stop working for the day, find a nice quiet garden and have some fresh air while we eat our dinner. You look tired and overworked and I am not going to let you work yourself into exhaustion again tonight. So come on, now or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you down the hallway in front of the servants and everyone.”

Faramir sat back in his chair regarding his lover and found himself smiling despite the way in which Haldir was speaking to him. “A picnic?” he laughed as he stood up and crossed the room to his now confused lover and kissed him sweetly. “As far as invitations go, it is sorely lacking but… thank you, love,” he whispered. Haldir obviously had no idea how sweet or how romantic the idea of just whisking Faramir away from his work in the middle of the day and to a picnic at that, actually was.

Haldir looked confused for a moment, but was pleased by the sweet kiss. “It is not a picnic… it is just a meal with fresh air on a blanket away from everyone else so you don’t tire yourself out,” he corrected his lover, not understanding why Faramir had thanked him. He had to eat, after all, and, more importantly, he had to rest. “I promised to take care of you, remember? I think saving you from yourself and Gondor’s demands falls under that promise.”

Faramir smiled and nodded. “Of course it is not a picnic… even though what you just said I believe is the definition of one,” he teased as they began to walk. “And I am tired and hungry so… it was perfectly timed,” Faramir added as they walked toward the garden. It was true that he had been working hard, trying to get everything in order before Aragorn’s arrival and before he would be concentrating more on a war than reorganizing and fixing all of the damage his father’s… illness… had done.

“I will be relieved when Aragorn gets here,” Haldir said, noting the way Faramir was walking a bit stiffly, as he often did when he worked too long at his desk. “I know there is still much work to be done, but I worry that you are overdoing it.” They walked for a while in silence until they found an empty section of the gardens. Haldir spread the blanket on the ground, leaned against the stone bench and gestured Faramir to sit between his legs. “Your shoulder hurts.” It was more a statement than a question. “Let me see if I can help, then you can rest while I set out the food. I think you’ll like the lunch the kitchen staff packed for us.”

Faramir did not disagree when Haldir said he would be relieved when Aragorn arrived. So would he, mostly because he was terrified he was doing everything wrong. Gandalf helped, but he was focused at the moment on other things… the wizard oddly enough was going to have to act as his general since Faramir could not lead the battle. The steward since the rule of Isiuldur was bound to the citadel during times of war so that he would not fall in battle and leave Gondor without a king or a steward. When they arrived in the garden, watched as Haldir spread the blanket and settled down and moved to join him. “My shoulder does hurt,” he agreed. “I do not know why, it did not bother me that much on the journey yet sitting at a desk all day makes it hurt worse than if I was actually sword fighting daily,” he complained. He grinned though when Haldir mentioned the kitchen staff. He could just imagine how that basket had come to be packed.

Haldir reached around and unlaced the top lacings of Faramir’s tunic so he could easily slide is hands down the back. His fingers, normally so stiff and efficient, suddenly became gentle and soothing as they touched his lover’s skin, something he never realized, but always managed to do. He carefully began to knead sore muscles, hoping to at least lessen the ache from Faramir’s injury. “I can do more to help you,” he said softly. “And you know I am more than willing. Some might not like an Elf knowing Gondor’s business, but I think they would accept it if they knew how much of a strain it is on their steward to try and do so much alone.”

Faramir sighed in as much pleasure as pain when Haldir began to rub his aching shoulders. “You already help me so much,” he whispered, “I hate to ask you to do even more, love. It is not that I think the people would not like you to be involved… I just worry that… well… that I would be asking too much of you.” Faramir turned slightly to look at Haldir. “You’ve always been a warrior and… I do not wish you to regret staying…” In truth Faramir worried about that very thing often. Haldir was accustomed to patrolling, to battles, he was not accustomed to searching through archives and helping Faramir sort through ledgers or sit with him during boring meetings.

Haldir rarely showed affection in public – not because he was ashamed of their relationship, but simply because it usually didn’t occur to him. This time, however, it did. He stopped his massage and wrapped both arms around his lover, then planted a kiss against the curve of his neck. “Faramir, I will never regret staying,” he murmured, pulling back to gaze into the worried blue eyes before him. “Many things in my life are different than before, I readily admit that. But the life I had was cold and dark and so very lonely. And then I found you… or, rather, you found me, and everything changed. What you have shared with me – your warmth, your strength, your love – I would never, ever regret that. For the first time in my life, I am happy, and in love with the most incredible man on Arda. What could I possibly regret?”

When Haldir’s arms wrapped around him, Faramir sank into the embrace, his own hands rose to cross over his lover’s hands across his chest. Hearing the words that Haldir would never regret staying, brought a small smile to his face and then when their gazes met, he was certain by the look in Haldir’s eyes that it was the absolute truth. His heart felt so much lighter when Haldir spoke of loving him and he leaned in for a sweet kiss. “And this man loves the most wonderful Elf on Arda…” he whispered. It was true. Others may see Haldir as cold, aloof, and perhaps even unfriendly and hateful but Faramir never had. Somehow he could see past all of it and knew that Haldir had a capacity to love that no one would understand. “You could have used my doubts then to get out of a lot of really boring work,” he teased. “I know you must love me if you are willing to help with all of this… hopefully… hopefully it will change when Aragorn can assume the kingship. I would like to not be tied to my fath… to my study all the time… I would love more days like this in fact,” he said resting his head against Haldir’s shoulder.

“I would love more days like this as well,” Haldir confessed. “I miss you. I miss spending hours on end talking to you about anything and everything, and having breakfast in bed and riding half a day or more just to see what is beyond the horizon.” He sighed and tightened his embrace around his lover, pressing a final kiss against his neck, but not letting go. He found he enjoyed the way Faramir was resting against him, so warm and trusting and such a perfect fit. “We both know I am a selfish Elf… and I want you back. If my helping you more during the day will at least get you back to our rooms earlier, then I will suffer through as much boring work as you can find.”

Faramir smiled brightly when Haldir said he missed him. “You miss me? And to think at one time you could not wait to be rid of me,” he teased but so very pleased that Haldir had shared that with him. “I miss you too… terribly… and find myself getting distracted with thoughts of you much of the time. I am afraid some of my work ends up not getting done as quickly as it should because I cannot stop thinking about you. So I suppose if you were closer more often then I may not have that problem as much,” Faramir said happily and feeling much, much more relaxed than he had felt when Haldir had first come to him in his study.

Haldir smiled and kept one arm around Faramir as he used the other to reach for the food. He began setting everything out, keeping his arm securely around his lover and not letting him help at all. “Aye, there was a time when I resented having to stay with you,” he admitted, feeling utterly ashamed of himself and his actions not so very long ago. “You were stubborn and annoying and you confused me, and you never gave in on anything.” He paused, staring off into space, pretending to think for a moment. “Come to think of it, the only thing that has changed is my desire to be rid of you…”

“I never gave in?” Faramir scoffed as he watched Haldir and then he laughed and shook his head. “Is that so? Well, if I were just so hard to deal with… you would still wish to be rid of me,” he grinned then and leaned over to press his lips against Haldir’s cheek as the Elf set more food out on the blanket beside them. “I am very glad that you do not,” he whispered then. “Besides… I do not know of anyone else on Arda besides me who would put up with you.” He chuckled when Haldir gave him a particularly dirty look.

“You forget what a privilege it is to get the opportunity to put up with me, as it were,” Haldir half-teased his lover. “As I have told you many times, you are a lucky man, Faramir. A lucky man indeed. Why I imagine almost every man or woman in Gondor would give anything to… well, maybe half of them… or… maybe one or two… or…” The Elf scowled and pretended to grumble as he offered his lover a bit of cheese. “It is time for you to eat, not talk, Ranger. The sound of your stomach growling is beginning to embarrass me… people are staring.”

Faramir grinned as Haldir went on. I am a lucky man… very lucky. He took the cheese that was offered and chewed slowly, surprised that Haldir fed him that way, though he half suspected it was to keep Faramir from teasing him anymore. There were some who passed by the gardens that tried to avoid invading what little privacy the lovers could afford, but some did look at them. The steward of their city, wrapped in the arms of an Elf and being fed that way… some years ago might have called such a scene scandalous. Now, after so much heartache, so much pain and loss in Gondor they saw it as a symbol of hope, that even now when there was so much darkness on the horizon that love could still be found. Faramir and Haldir knew nothing of those thoughts though as they shared their meal.

The food was delicious, and Haldir drug their meal out as long as possible, lingering over the food and teasing Faramir well past their usual lunch time. He did his best to keep his lover’s mind off work for a while, and was quite certain he’d succeeded. When the gardens began to empty, the Elf was surprised to find that he still had his arm around Faramir, and was still holding him quite close. He shifted a bit, keeping them in the shade and pushed the food away, then drew his cloak around them both. The air was only beginning to get faintly chilly, and after sharing such a meal and now sharing the warmth of his cloak, he decided to at least try and delay his lover further, determined to help him relax. “I think you need to rest,” he said firmly. “Gondor can do without her steward for the rest of the day, but the Steward’s Elf cannot.”

A far cry from the first meal they had attempted when they first arrived in Gondor, the food was excellent and as far as Faramir was concerned so was the company. Haldir probably had no idea how much of a difference his arm around him throughout the meal had, but Faramir somehow felt stronger, he felt more relaxed and he no longer felt as if the weight of the entire city was on his so often sore shoulders. When he was full and content, he was actually grateful when Haldir drew his cloak around them and announced in that firm tone he so often used that he needed to rest. His final words though made Faramir’s heart skip in his chest and he smiled as he turned slightly and snuggled into his lover’s arms. “Then the Steward’s Elf will not do without,” he whispered and pressed his lips to his lover’s kissing him deeply, the taste of wine and honeyed fruit mixed with Haldir’s own unique flavor seemed to kindle a different sort of hunger. “Do you know,” he whispered when they drew apart, “when you first came to my study and asked that I be done in half an hour… I actually thought that maybe you were simply wanting a… well… a quick well…” He blushed a little at the memory of his thoughts. “I would never have guessed you were taking me on a… a non-picnic.”

Haldir couldn’t help but grin at the phrase ‘non-picnic’, but his eyes were dark with more than amusement. He wanted Faramir, the look in his eyes making that clearly evident, but he didn’t want his lover to think that was all he cared about. “That had crossed my mind,” he murmured, letting his tongue lick slowly over his lover’s full bottom lip. “I had actually considered locking the door of your study behind me and bending you over the desk… but then I thought you looked like you needed food and rest more than you needed me at the time. “ He snuggled closer beneath his cloak and laced their fingers together, in a rare thoughtful mood for a change. “You could sleep now, and then we could go back to our rooms in a few hours and see if your needs have… changed by then or not.”

“I will always need you, Haldir, just you… your holding me, your smile when you do grace me with it… I need your friendship and companionship as much as… well… the fun parts too,” Faramir whispered feeling heat flood through him from not only his own thoughts but from the look in Haldir’s eyes. He could see how much he was cared for, perhaps it wasn’t obvious to everyone in Gondor the way Haldir looked at him but Faramir could recognize it. His smile widened as Haldir’s hand tangled with his and he sighed softly. “I must admit though… I am tired. I never knew how much work was involved in keeping this city running. I had always assumed… so many things just… just took care of themselves I guess,” he said snuggling. He felt as if he were just a man, not a steward, not the man that thousands of people were depending on to get them through the coming war… just a man who was loved. He yawned and closed his eyes as he rested against Haldir. “I think a nap may actually help… and I think perhaps later… we can see if we can both fit in the tub again,” he teased sleepily.

Resting his cheek against the top of Faramir’s head, Haldir smiled and closed his eyes as well, thankful that Faramir was in fact resting for a change. “It is a very small tub,” he whispered. “We shall have to sit quite close together, but, as usual, I think we will manage… meleth.”

Faramir fell asleep with a smile on his face, the worries of earlier that day long forgotten now and he slept peacefully, completely relaxed in Haldir’s arms. The Elf could always surprise him it seemed, today was completely unexpected but had been a wonderful surprise and though Haldir would likely deny it was romantic… it had been extremely romantic, at least to Faramir.

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