Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Chapter 11

A few more days passed and Faramir grew even stronger, he was able to not only walk circles around their room without needing to cling to Haldir, he was actually feeling up to venturing outside it now. He missed the fresh air and sunlight, the one small window they had in the fortress was just not enough and Faramir suspected Haldir felt the same after living so many centuries surrounded by a lush forest. To be trapped there inside stone walls with no trees anywhere close couldn’t be easy for the Elf.

They were getting along as they usually did, small arguments once in a while but for the most part managing well and of course they were still sharing many kisses and a few other things, though Faramir thought that Haldir felt he was still not well enough to move to anything more intimate than what they’d already shared. At least he hoped that fear of aggravating his shoulder was the only reason Haldir hadn’t seemed interested in more.

Faramir was standing by the window when Haldir returned from a short meeting with the departing Elves. “Would you like to take a walk? Perhaps we can see off your brothers or at least… just get some fresh air? This window… just isn’t enough for me I’m afraid. I miss the sun and the sky,” Faramir said as Haldir walked in.

Haldir nodded agreeably and gazed toward the small window. “Fresh air sounds good,” he admitted. “I have no need to see Rúmil and Orophin off. They have their orders.” Despite Faramir’s grief over loosing Boromir, Haldir still didn’t understand that bond that had held the brothers together, and he certainly couldn’t picture himself in a relationship like that. As far as he was concerned, he was quite happy that Rúmil and Orophin were lovers – they kept each other occupied and out of Haldir’s way, which was just how it should be, in his opinion.

Reaching for two blankets since their cloaks were long gone, he wrapped one gently over Faramir’s shoulders and gestured toward the door. “Where would you like to go?”

“Out. Just out in the fresh air, I do not think I can stand being cooped up in this room any longer. How have you stood it? You are accustomed to the woods and being out in the open and not so confined… it is driving me mad and I grew up in a place similar to this with cold white marble everywhere. It is why I became a Ranger… I wanted to be away from those walls,” Faramir said, touched by the way Haldir wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. He felt much better than even two days before and was feeling energized for some reason… simply needing to walk. He knew that he was healing quickly… ready to leave for Gondor soon and a part of him wished it wasn’t the case because he did not want Haldir to leave him once they arrived there. He could only hope the trip itself would take longer than they anticipated.

“I have had little choice but to stand it,” Haldir shrugged, not even realizing how blunt he could be at times as he opened the door and kept one hand on Faramir’s lower back. “I was ordered to watch over you, remember? So I resigned myself to enjoying the fresh air only when you could.”

Faramir felt stung by Haldir’s words for only a moment, realizing that the Elf wasn’t blaming him, just simply stating facts as he saw them. Sometimes it was hard not to take his words at face value though but he was determined that nothing was going to ruin this, his first opportunity to get out of the room and actually roam a bit. “Well, for one resigned you seemed to have found other things to occupy us both in the meantime,” he grinned mischievously at the Elf beside him and was pleased when he saw his eyes darken just a little.

“It is not my fault I got stuck watching over the one Man on all of Arda who seems to have lips like honey and a mouth that is simply the most delicious thing I have tasted in all my years,” the Elf murmured, leaning down to whisper the words against Faramir’s ear. He pulled away quickly, so no one would think they were… well, a couple, but could see that he got his point across as Faramir’s face flushed a bit. “Besides that, it is the only thing we seem NOT to argue about.”

Feeling his face heat from Haldir’s words, Faramir’s heart seemed to skip in his chest and his stomach flutter as warm breath ghosted against his ear and Haldir’s words nearly melted him right at the Elf’s feet. His words made Faramir feel as if Haldir truly desired him and whenever he looked into those blue eyes he could see that desire there. “It is not the only thing… well… almost but we do not argue about everything, besides, who is to say I do not just start some arguments because I enjoy them?” Faramir teased as they walked. When they exited the hall into a larger room and made their way for the newly replaced gate of the great hall, Faramir could see that few were paying them any attention. In Rohan at least he wasn’t as besieged as he would be in Gondor with questions and well-wishers. Here he was almost anonymous.

“Oh, I have no doubt that you enjoy arguing,” Haldir nodded, looking around them and thinking that there were entirely too many people nearby. “I think you would argue with Sauron himself if you could get close enough, and I am actually rather surprised that you did not just rant at that orc that was supposed to kill me, rather than let him injure you instead. You certainly have no reservations about making your opinion known… much like me, I suppose. That must be why we are so…” He stopped, mentally rolled his eyes at himself and backtracked on that thought. “Why we argue so often.”

Faramir laughed at Haldir’s description of him. “I am augmentative? Me? Anyone who has always known me would disagree… I am quiet and bookish and rarely argue… you just seem to bring it out in me,” Faramir teased. “And I’ll have you know that it is a good thing it is not a cloudy day or I might just be struck by lightening.” His smile was bright as they passed through the gate and outside where the destruction had been so bad that night. He and Haldir had missed most of that, had missed the explosions that had taken down the outer walls. His smiled slipped away as they looked ahead of them. “Gods, if we had been on that wall… we would both be dead now,” Faramir murmured his mood darkening as he saw how scarred the ground and remaining walls were.

Haldir leaned against a stone that had been left standing and gazed across the horizon. “That was the plan,” he agreed. “I could be in the Halls of Mandos right now, had it not been for you.” He sighed and regarded Faramir seriously for a moment. “I still do not understand why you did what you did, Faramir. I doubt I ever will. Had you known me, had we been friends or lovers, maybe it would make more sense, but… you had never seen me before that day.”

Faramir looked back at Haldir when he spoke of death being the plan and sighed. “But I did… somehow… I wish I could explain it, Haldir. The things that I see… and feel are very… unusual. But somehow I knew that night; I knew I was supposed to save you. I dreamed it, I saw it… maybe one day you’ll be able to understand,” he said softly still not entirely understanding everything he’d dreamed and felt himself. Before he could say another word he heard his name called.

“Faramir! Is that you? Gods, I’d heard you had been injured badly… you look as if you are just fine to me!” Emil called as he walked up the slight slope and without missing a beat wrapping his arms around Faramir though hoping he was not squeezing too hard since he wasn’t sure where the other man was injured. “What are you doing here? Alone at that!? How did you ever get away from your men and of all people, Mablung, long enough to travel here?”

Faramir was so shocked that Emil remembered him, that he simply stood with his arms to his sides for a moment before using his good arm to pat Emil on the back. “I… I received a message from Gandalf… so I came,” he said only telling half of the truth. “I thought… Gods, forgive me, Haldir. Haldir, this is Emil an old friend of mine. Emil this is Haldir… my… my friend, he saved my life the night of the battle,” he said softly. It was true enough. Yes, he had saved Haldir but in turn Haldir had saved him.

Haldir didn’t like Emil on sight. He was very… friendly though, especially to Faramir. And he still had one arm around Faramir’s shoulders. Looking distinctly… unhappy, the Elf rested his hands on Faramir’s hips and pulled him aside and out of Emil’s embrace. “Actually he saved my life,” he amended, eying the other man warily and with no trace of friendship in his eyes or his voice at all. He didn’t want to cling to his lover, but this Emil had no right to manhandle him in such a manner! “He was almost killed saving me, and if you keep pawing at him like that, you will reopen his wound. Have you no manners at all?”

Faramir gaped for a moment as Haldir physically pulled him away from Emil. He recalled Haldir’s reaction that day with the healer and he was slightly startled by seeing Haldir yet again act so possessive of him. He offered a weak smile to Emil. “He… well… aye… we saved each other that night, I, him and ultimately when I probably should have died, he carried me to safety… at any rate… I am still healing,” he said trying to gloss over Haldir’s reaction and tone with softer words.

Emil raised an eyebrow at the way the Elf practically pulled Faramir away from him and nodded feeling he had already worn his welcome where Haldir was concerned. “And he is… just a friend? Because here in Rohan when you pull a man close that way… he is more than merely a friend or a shield brother,” he said looking at Faramir closely. He saw his friend’s cheeks color and thought he had the answer he needed then. “I see… well… I am glad to see you alive and well, Faramir. It was… interesting, Haldir,” he said leaning in to clasp arms with Faramir, a sign of goodbye and saw Haldir lean forward almost menacingly. “Perhaps… you should start wearing a sign, friend.”

Before Faramir could say a word more, Emil was turned on his heel and leaving and he could feel Haldir shaking with anger behind him. He had no idea if he should feel mortified or angry. “I cannot believe you were so rude,” he finally snapped. “Emil is a friend of mine, would you wish me to treat your fri… your archers so discourteously?”

Just like after the healer had insulted them, Haldir was ready to go after Emil as well. Faramir’s defense of the man stopped him short, however. “You would not dare speak to my archers in such a manner,” he snapped. “Nor would you find them practically trying to bed me in the middle of the city for everyone to see!” He glared at Faramir for a moment, then in the direction Emil had headed off in. Several perfectly innocent bystanders withered under his gaze and quickly made their way into the nearest building. “Maybe I should just have left the two of you alone rather than trying to… to keep him from hurting you! Would you have preferred that?”

Faramir did not recall having rolled his eyes at a person since he had become an adult, but he found himself doing it now. “Oh by the Valar, Haldir, he was not trying to bed me! Emil, if you must know, has no interest in men whatsoever! I’m afraid I am improperly equipped for him to wish to bed me,” Faramir snapped and pulled away from Haldir. “Are you going to be like this to every friend I have on our way to Gondor? I have friends, Haldir… and I do often hug them and I am always pleased to see them, especially in these dark times with so many being killed.” Faramir took a deep breath and tried to calm himself a little. “Have you never… in all your years had at least one friend? Someone… that you cared about? I know you do have a capacity for it, most of the time I enjoy your company immensely and not just… the kissing parts you know.”

Haldir’s face darkened and he looked positively murderous for a moment before Faramir’s reasonable tone of voice soothed him a bit. “First of all, I am only trying to protect you,” he growled, knowing full well that he said things he didn’t mean when he was angry, but being too stubborn to censor his words. Faramir was practically treating him like a jealous lover, which he wasn’t of course! He was merely trying to help and didn’t understand why Faramir couldn’t see as much. “I simply do not want all the time I have spent with you to be wasted when one of your so called friends rips open your wound. I was ordered to protect you and if I have to keep your rude, flirtatious, and salivating friends away from you to do that, then believe me, I will!” When Faramir simply gaped at him he lowered his voice a bit, but still looked furious. Crossing his arms over his chest, he turned away and fixed his gaze back on the horizon. “And no… there is no one I have ever cared about until… NO. There has never been anyone. I have had neither the time nor the patience for such nonsense.” When he finished, he bit his tongue hard, having only just caught himself before saying that he almost, in a way, kind of cared for Faramir in some odd, rather uncomfortable and irritating manner.

Faramir’s eyes darkened with anger too and he simply stared at Haldir, unable to believe his assessment of Emil as being rude, flirtatious, and salivating… what was he a piece of meat? Rather than blow up angrily as he felt like doing, Faramir took a deep breath, bit his lip and waited a few moments for Haldir to finish saying what he wanted to. When he said ‘no one I have ever cared about until… ‘ then stopped himself, Faramir softened then, hoping with a hope he should not have, that his next word was going to be ‘now’. He looked at the Elf who was determinedly not looking at him and took in his stiff posture and the way he closed in on himself with his arms folded across his chest. Faramir moved closer and looked up into blue eyes. “I do appreciate your protection… even if I do feel you are being unreasonable when it comes to a friend… let me ask you a question… had it been Gandalf who had hugged me… would you have reacted so… angrily? Honest answer, Haldir?”

The idea of Gandalf hugging Faramir didn’t make him angry at all, and Faramir knew it. Rather than answer straight away, Haldir sniffed and gave an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders. “Perhaps,” he said, knowing full well that he wasn’t being entirely truthful. His honor, buried under a few million layers of stubbornness wouldn’t allow him to lie completely, however. “Had he been a few thousand years younger and endangering your life as that… that Emile or Emerile or whoever he was, was doing, practically crushing the life from you before my very eyes… Aye. I might have reacted in much the same manner… You might not have noticed it, but I got the distinct feeling that he might possibly be against the race of Elves in general, and me in particular before I even opened my mouth.” The rather convoluted explanation wasn’t exactly the honest answer Faramir had hoped for, obviously, but it was as much as Haldir could admit to at the moment.

Faramir found his lips twitching upwards just a hint as Haldir practically babbled in answer. “Hmm, and this does not have anything at all to do with the fact that Emil happens to be of an age with me and quite a handsome man? Like the healer you thought was going to practically leap on me in my bed that day?” Faramir asked trying his best to keep things calm between them. “If I did not know any better… if I was not certain you were merely protecting me and hoping that Emil did not cause my shoulder any harm… I might… think you were jealous.”

Haldir’s mouth dropped open as he turned to Faramir and regarded him in silence for a moment. “You… he… JEALOUS?” Usually pale skin was now flushed with… something Haldir didn’t care to put his finger on that the moment, though he was hoping it had something to do with rage over a blatantly obvious fabrication that he actually cared enough to be jealous. Because… he certainly didn’t. He didn’t care at all. He was merely enjoying his… work. His mouth finally closed with a snap and he stood trembling with anger and studiously avoiding Faramir’s too-intense gaze. “He was not all that handsome anyway, and he was probably only wanting you out of the way so he could get his hands on me…” Apparently he had forgotten that he’d just said Emil hated Elves, especially him, but he was in too deep to backtrack now. “I think it is you who is jealous, Faramir. I have seen the way you practically throw yourself between me and every male who has his eye on me.”

Faramir tried desperately not to laugh and did manage to keep from cackling at the very least. “Aye, that must be it,” Faramir settled on. “It is I who is jealous. Aye… it explains everything,” he shrugged with his good shoulder and shook his head as he turned to continue down the path they had started on before they had stopped to take in the damage to the keep. “Well? Are you coming? I would not want me to get jealous again,” he couldn’t help the grin then and saw Haldir’s eyes narrow at him.

Haldir gritted his teeth in exasperation as he glared at his lover, but began walking as well. “I would not want you to get jealous again either,” he snarled, looking as offended as Elvenly possible. “You are quite unreasonable when you get that way.”

Faramir was almost shaking with silent laughter and bit his lip for a moment. “Aye, you are most likely right about that,” he answered finally with a grin and slipped his arm around Haldir’s. “I do not want to overdo it,” he said as an excuse as to why he’d taken Haldir’s arm that way, though he was feeling perfectly fine.

When they got to the edge of the wall where Faramir had first laid eyes on Haldir he smiled. “This was where I first saw you… when you entered the keep with your archers… do you know, I almost did not hear your words because I was staring at you so,” he said softly. He knew he would likely never live down the admission but it was the truth and Haldir was exceptional to look at.

Never having been one to partake in any public displays of affection, Haldir was surprised when Faramir took his arm, especially after their rather heated argument. It was, he figured, Faramir’s way of apologizing. He was surprised at the soft words, however, and remembered well that day when he had greeted Aragorn, Legolas and King Théoden so proudly. In his heart, he had been certain he was only a day – or hours – away from meeting his death, yet here he was, so many weeks later, still quite alive and… well, some Elves in his situation might even be happy. Not him of course, but some Elves. He hadn’t seen Faramir, he knew that much, for he was certain he would have remembered those eyes – those sincere, innocent and sparkling blue eyes that he now woke up to every morning, sometimes only moments after carefully disentangling himself from their owner and resuming the quite un-snugglish position he was sure he’d went to sleep in.

“I was only one Elf among hundreds,” he said after a moment. “You could have gazed at any of them… and saved any of them. Many of them had families – and friends and loved ones – to go home to. Instead, you almost died because of an Elf no one would miss had he died that day.” His free hand rested over Faramir’s for a moment and he frowned. “I know you have tried to explain it many times, but I think I shall… never understand your decision.”

Faramir smiled a little as they stopped walking and looked at Haldir for a moment, his eyes completely serious. “And this world or at least my world would be darker for having never known you… I know you will never understand and I will not ask you to,” Faramir said softly. “But I am… despite our arguments… very glad you are here with me now, mellonamin, very glad.”

For a moment, Haldir forgot where, and perhaps, who he was as Faramir spoke. He forgot his cold exterior, his lonely life, and even the dark years that lay ahead of him if he didn’t manage to die. For a moment, without even realizing or acknowledging it, he let Faramir in. In front of everyone, he lifted his free hand and rested it on the side of his lover’s neck and let their gazes lock. “Mellonamin,” he said softly, with a wondrous little smile. No. More than that. More than a friend. The thought startled him so thoroughly, he took a step backward, and shook his head, letting his hand drop back to his side. Turning quickly back toward the main tower, he hoped no one had seen his moment of weakness or vulnerability. “I… we should go inside before you tire yourself out,” he managed. “I am… a bit tired myself.”

Faramir was so surprised by the smile and the way Haldir spoke, the way the Elf touched him and looked into his eyes like that, that he found himself very disappointed when Haldir stepped away from him. Almost as if he had somehow burned the Elf. He swallowed hard, feeling a knot in the middle of his stomach curl into a hard fist there for a moment before Haldir spoke again. What were you thinking, Haldir? He wanted to ask it… wanted to blurt out more than what he should. If he wanted to drive the Elf away he would admit that what he felt was much more than mere friendship. Then he realized just how he might have seen Emil. He just called Haldir his friend. He had called Emil his friend. Gods, how stupid was he? If Faramir had a convenient wall just then he might just bang his head against it. Instead he offered a weak smile. “Aye… it is getting late in the day and this is the most I’ve walked… we should get back,” he agreed as they started back up the way they had come.

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