Faramir Fiction Archive

Because of You (NC-17)

Written by Sairalinde and Anorienbean

24 December 2008 | 98532 words

Title: Because of You
Authors: Sairalinde & Anorienbean
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Faramir/Haldir
Summary: Faramir is sent to Helm’s Deep, where he almost dies saving Haldir. In doing so, Haldir, whose only hope was to die there himself, becomes responsible for the Ranger, and isn’t exactly happy about it. Charged with returning Faramir to Gondor, he is torn between falling for him, and fulfilling his wish to die – since a warrior like himself would have no place in Aman, nor on Middle Earth after the war ended. Would he?
Disclaimer: No money was made from this story and all characters belong to the incredibly talented Mr. JRR Tolkien and his estate.

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Chapter 1

The message from Gandalf had been short and to the point, King Théoden was in need of Gondor’s aid at Helm’s Deep and he was off to muster more men to help Rohan’s people. Denethor had refused immediately. “When has Théoden helped Gondor? When in all these years that Mordor has been taking bit by bit of our land, has Rohan helped us?”

Faramir did reason or attempt to. “All of our horses are from Rohan, father…”

“That we paid good coin for, they weren’t gifts!”

Faramir nodded, not disagreeing with his father’s point. “That being said, we should still offer them at least something… should we need them ourselves, we might be able to call in the favor,” he said after a moment.

Denethor’s eyes narrowed, he hated giving in to that Wizard and giving in to Faramir would be even worse, but he waved him on.

“Send just a small group… myself and my Rangers could go,” Faramir explained.

“No. You are needed here, as are your Rangers. You will not go, no one will. Let Rohan handle her own problems. Now, go away, I have work to do. I do not wish to speak anymore with you tonight.”

Faramir thought that the meeting had gone better than most in the last year or so; though he wished that there was something they could do for their allies. Though maybe his father was right… attacks against Gondorian lands were growing bolder each day. Men just couldn’t be spared.

That night, however, Faramir’s sleep was unsettled, he dreamed the same dream over and over again, a voice inside his head, beautiful, repeating over and over again that his fate, his very future lay in Rohan. You must go to Rohan before it is too late.

It was not yet dawn when Faramir roused from his restless slumber and though he knew his father would most likely punish him for this, call him a traitor or worse, he dressed and slipped down to the stable.

He rode out under the cover of darkness, feeling guilty for going against his father’s word and for abandoning his post but something inside him, told Faramir that he must do this. He must go to Helm’s Deep.

The trail was long and tiring and for some reason Faramir felt the need to push his horse to get to the Rohirrim stronghold quickly. Days later when he arrived, he could see that everyone in the Rohan capital had been led to the fort. He was met by one of King Théoden’s men who led him to the great hall.

The meeting did not go very well. Théoden was not pleased to see that only a single Ranger from Gondor was all the aid that was sent and Faramir learned that someone named Aragorn had gone missing, someone that apparently many had liked.

Even though Théoden was not pleased, he offered Faramir shelter and said that he appreciated that he at least had come, when others had not.

By midday the missing Aragorn returned and Faramir had been too busy helping the arms masters to even get much more than a glimpse of the man or the others who were said to travel with him. An Elf and a Dwarf.

It was nearly dark by the time Haldir spotted Helm’s Deep in the distance. After many hours of debate, Celeborn had ordered his most capable Elves to the keep, deciding that no, they couldn’t leave Man to fight the evil that was Sauron on their own. Only a few of the male Elves were left behind to protect the families that would remain in Lothlórien, and Haldir, having no family except his brothers, who were with him, had waited impatiently for everyone to say their goodbyes. He had lived a long and content life, and he was ready to die in this, likely the last battle the Elves would take part in before the remainder of them sailed to Aman.

An eternity of peacefulness was what almost all of the Elves wanted, but Haldir, who was considered beautiful, honorable and strong, but quite unapproachable by even the heartiest of Elves, thought he would likely die of boredom in Aman. He wanted a glorious death, to meet his end fighting against the very evil Man had brought down upon themselves with their own weakness, to reach the Halls of Mandos and see if there was a place for him there. While he loved Lothlórien and loved the Lord and Lady of the Realm, he had never felt a part of their lives. Too arrogant, too cold, too temperamental… he knew what they all thought of him. Even his brothers kept their distance. Haldir himself didn’t know if their assessment was correct or not, but he did know that he had no reason to try and change their minds. If they wanted no part of him, then he returned the feeling tenfold, and made no move to be friendly.

Finally, they approached the keep and were greeted by hundreds of startled and fascinated soldiers who had stopped dead in their tracks to see the Elves marching toward them. Aragorn came out, Legolas by his side, surprise and delight etched over every inch of the man’s tired but handsome face. “I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell,” Haldir said proudly, nodding toward the future king. “An alliance once existed between Elves and Men. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance.”

Faramir stood off to the side watching in fascination as hundreds of Elves poured through the gates. They were magnificent, moving in perfect unison. As a soldier, Faramir could appreciate the perfection as a whole but then the one leading them spoke. His attention was riveted. Long, pale gold hair, flowing down his back, meticulous braids pulled that same hair back to expose an exceedingly handsome face. Full lips that Faramir could just imagine kissing and bright sparkling blue eyes shone even in the dim light. In his staring and over the suddenly rapid beat of his heart thundering in his ears, Faramir almost did not hear his words. He watched as the one called Aragorn raced down the steps to greet the Elf, and was shocked to see the man hug the blond and couldn’t help but laugh a little when he saw the shock and confusion on the Elf’s face. A bemused grin appeared on the lovely full lips; as if the being was not quite sure how to return the sudden and exuberant hug. The Elf was gorgeous… more than that and Faramir found he could not take his eyes off him for a single moment.

It took Haldir a moment, but he finally returned Aragorn’s embrace, although a bit stiffly. Legolas, whom Haldir had known for centuries, crossed the small space between them, standing on the side of the Elves, proudly showing his solidarity, obviously pleased and surprised at the sheer numbers of soldiers Haldir had brought along with him. The smile on Aragorn’s face made Haldir feel a bit better about their situation, and he couldn’t help but return it.

He stepped away after a moment and looked around them. “We need to talk,” he said quietly to Aragorn. “And I would like to see what you have planned so I can judge where to best place my Elves.” As he spoke, he felt hundreds of eyes upon him, but didn’t look up. Men always stared at Elves… it was nothing new. And so, he failed to notice the bright blue eyes watching him so intently, the soft smile on one young Ranger’s face. Instead, he motioned his soldiers to stay where they were and followed Aragorn into the keep, already anxious to know what they were facing.

Faramir watched as the Elven captain walked away with the man called Aragorn, it was obvious from their gestures; they were already discussing the coming battle. Something that Faramir should have his mind on and not on how beautiful the Elf in the dark red cloak was. Before he could go far, one of the king’s men called to him and Faramir moved down the stairway to discuss his own position.

“Gondor’s Rangers are well trained archers are they not?” the king asked as Faramir approached.

“Aye, sire.”

“Good, you’ll take position on the wall with the Elves and Aragorn’s party. Seems I recall you speak Elvish,” Théoden continued.

“I do speak a little… passable I suppose,” Faramir said surprised Théoden recalled that detail about him, it had been many years since he had visited Rohan himself and even longer since his father had been very friendly toward Théoden. With that, however, the king dismissed him and Faramir decided to pass his time near the Elven group, simply waiting for whatever command would be made. He was accustomed to giving commands these days and it felt strange to be just another soldier again. Faramir tried to keep his mind on the coming battle but his eyes continued to stray toward where he’d seen the Elven captain disappear with Aragorn.

Haldir listened quietly to Aragorn’s plans and asked where he wished for the Elves to be stationed, offering a few suggestions himself. Aragorn quickly agreed and less than half an hour after their arrival, Haldir strode back out of the keep and began issuing orders to the Elves still standing at attention where he’d left them. When all had been given their orders, he took his position at the top of a tall, thin staircase, withdrew his bow and stared straight ahead in the direction Aragorn had told him the attack would come from. He didn’t notice anyone or anything, and simply settled in to wait for the battle to begin. He had the distinct feeling that today would be the day he traveled to the Halls of Mandos, and he was more than ready for the journey.

When Aragorn returned with the Elven captain, Faramir heard orders being issued to the Elves. The young Ranger kept well out of the way, before approaching the Elf that traveled with him, he’d heard called Legolas. “King Thoeden has asked that I join your party on the wall, I am Faramir a Ranger of Gondor.”

The Elf told Faramir where he should position himself and did so, joining the many Elves along the walls. When he looked out, the night was so dark he could barely make out their enemies in the distance. They were moving closer with every moment and this night would be a long one. Time seemed to stretch out at first, anticipation building as they waited and then everything seemed to happen so quickly. They were suddenly fighting, not only to save the keep and protect Rohan, but fighting for their own lives.

The orcs killed everyone in their path, though a great many of the vile creatures fell as well. Several of the creatures seemed to take great pleasure in killing Elves, as if they somehow knew that their origins lay with the first-born. With the beauty and grace that the orcs felt should have been theirs on display before them, they seemed to take out their wrath on the creatures, often outnumbering them three or four to one and toying with them until they died. Some of the Elves managed to fight their way free, but as countless others fell, another small piece of goodness and light was erased from Arda, and each of the remaining creatures felt the loss of their kin.

Haldir had just dispatched one of the larger orcs as another snuck up behind him. Exhausted from hours of fighting, the golden Elf failed to hear the orc. As he looked before him toward the next dark creature heading his way, he had no idea that the death he longed for was only moments away.

It seemed as if all of Mordor had opened up and spat out every foul beast the dark lord had, right there in Rohan. Wave after wave of them poured over the wall and Faramir knew that if he stopped moving for a single moment, he would simply collapse from exhaustion. Spinning, after his sword sliced through an orc before him, Faramir saw just a few feet away the Elven captain, his beautiful hair stained with dark orc blood, his cloak torn, and a huge orc moving behind him with an axe raised. It was as if time stopped for a moment, Faramir could see the blow, could see the archer fall with an axe imbedded in his back… it was merely a vision, gone in an instant and Faramir cried out to the Elf, not even recalling his words as he rushed forward, stopping the axe with his sword but not strong enough to defeat the huge creature. It happened in an instant, the axe sliding down the sword to the hilt and glancing off Faramir’s shoulder, breaking his collarbone and cutting deeply. His scream of pain was lost amongst hundreds of others and the man felt his knees give as he went down. The only thought in his mind had been saving the Elven warrior, not his own life.

Startled, Haldir turned just as the axe that had been meant for him cut through flesh and bone of a Ranger who had appeared out of nowhere. Acting on pure instinct alone, Haldir drove his sword through the orc’s heart and pushed him away, grabbing the handle of the axe embedded in the young man’s chest from the creature’s hand so it wouldn’t rip through even more flesh as it was pulled away. The man had to be dead, he thought sadly, wondering why on all of Arda he had taken the blow for him, when he would have sworn they had never even set eyes upon each other before. He loosed an arrow at an approaching orc and the anger and confusion in his eyes seemed to ward off another who approached. The creature detoured in another direction, directly into Legolas’ path, and was killed moments later.

Haldir’s first thought was to simply pull the ax from the Ranger’s body and keep fighting, but the Man at least deserved to be honored for his bravery and selflessness. The Elf fell to his knees and worked the axe out of the wound, not even looking at the man’s face. Even though he was certain his savior was dead, his touch was gentle, almost reverent, for he had just seen an act that he thought few Men were capable of in this age. His opinion of Men in general shifted, if only a little. “I will at least take your body somewhere safe,” he whispered, carefully picking up the young man and deciding that his absence would not even be noticed for the few moments it would take him to put the Ranger’s body somewhere away from the battle. “Your sacrifice was needless, Ranger, for it is my fate to die here today.”

The pain was almost blinding when he felt the axe start to be removed. Faramir had to grit his teeth, almost certain they would shatter from the force. He had no idea it was not the orc simply pulling the axe away to finish him but Faramir forced his eyes open to face his death. His gaze was not met with the horrid sight of an orc waiting to end his life; instead he looked in relief at the Elf he’d saved, hovering over him. The golden warrior was alive and Faramir felt as if he’d done exactly what his dreams had told him to. This was to be his fate… save the Elf. That was his future… too bad it was ending now.

He moaned as the Elf picked him up, the shock wearing off and the pain flaring more brightly. Simply collapsing against the broad chest of the Elf, Faramir allowed himself to close his eyes, wondering when death would come for him. He could not move his head without great pain and blood soaked his entire chest. “Not… not your fate… mine. Mine was to save you,” he murmured softly, barely audible above the din of battle. He had no idea where the Elf was taking him, and at this point it no longer mattered.

So startled he almost dropped the man resting against him, Haldir froze in place for a moment when he heard the whispered words reach his ears. The man was alive? And… he thought his fate was to die for an Elf he didn’t even know?

Gathering his wits about him, Haldir ducked beneath the axe of a passing orc and quickly made his way into the keep, where the foul creatures had not yet broken through. He longed to get back to the heart of the battle, but could not, in good conscience, leave the Ranger alone to die. It seemed impossible that he still lived, but Haldir had heard the words clearly.

Making his way deep inside the keep, Haldir found an empty room and lay the man against him down gently on the table that had been shoved next to the far wall. “Who are you?” he whispered, ripping open Faramir’s vest and tunic so he could get a better look at the wound. His fingers probed carefully at the edge, then tore off a long strip of the tunic to slow the bleeding. There was no way this Man could live after such an injury. His voice softened, and without even looking at Faramir’s face, he was already dreading having to watch him die. Pressing the tunic over the steadily flowing blood, he sighed, and looked toward the door, hoping that they would be left in peace, at least until the young man passed. “And by the Valar why did you save me? That axe was meant for me, not you.”

Though the Elf was graceful and careful, it seemed each step they took made Faramir’s entire upper body flare with pain. He preferred the numb feeling he’d had earlier when he’d first been injured to this, but clamped his jaw tight to keep from whimpering. He could tell the Elf was confused, still wondering why he’d saved him and Faramir wasn’t quite sure he had the answer to that. The only thought was that he simply couldn’t watch something that beautiful die. That had to be why he was there… he’d seen the Elf’s death… and known he was the only one who could save him. He cried out in pain when his tunic was torn away and looked up at the Elf. “My… name is Faramir, a Ranger of Gondor. I… I came here because…” his words were cut off when suddenly a loud deafening roar came from outside the keep and the very floor shook.

Haldir was once again reacting on instinct alone. Just as he was about to look at the Ranger’s face, the entire keep shook beneath them. He leaned over Faramir’s upper body to protect it just as pieces of stone and mortar fell from the ceiling and arced in from the tall, thin arches that served as windows. His arms slid beneath the man’s – Faramir, he’d said he name was – shoulders and protected him as best he could until the world was once again stilled beneath his feet. He held on a moment longer, then carefully pulled away, finally only now looking at the Ranger’s face. “Whatever your reason for coming here, you should not have…” He stopped short as their eyes met; Haldir’s full of fire and impatience, the need to meet his fate almost, but not quite, overriding his desire to stay with this man in his last moments, and Faramir’s, full of pain and resignation, fully ready to give his life for Haldir’s with no regrets. The Elf’s mouth was suddenly dry and he was at a loss for words, the battle around them almost forgotten. “You… you… should have let it kill me,” he finally managed.

Faramir’s eyes widened in worry as the keep shook for what seemed forever but the Elf lay over him, protecting him. When the Elf drew away again, Faramir opened his eyes wide, still wondering what had just happened outside but too captivated by the intense blue eyes, gazing into his own. “I could not let it kill you. I saw… what would happen and I could not allow one so beautiful to be killed that way. Not like that, not here, not now,” Faramir whispered, his words laced with pain. “Please… before I die will you… will you grant me two small boons?” He saw the Elf’s eyes widen slightly and a quick nod in answer. “Tell me your name… and… and kiss me.” Faramir wondered where he got the notion to ask the Elf to kiss him, but if this was his end, then at least he could have a pleasurable memory to see him into the next world.

To say Haldir was stunned was an understatement. This Man who was likely dying before his very eyes wanted a kiss? The very notion of kissing a Man, under any other circumstance, would have appalled and disgusted him. Besides, had this Man not been dying, Haldir would have been furious at him for interfering. But his anger and impatience seemed to recede as Faramir spoke so softly and the golden Elf decided that he could make a concession – this once – and grant the man his wishes. After all, these were probably the last moments he would know on Arda. A strange feeling of sorrow washed over him as he thought of this brave Ranger dying for him, however. There were too few men who showed such honor and courage, and the world would be poorer for the loss of this one. After a moment’s hesitation, he brushed the hair back from Faramir’s face, which was dark with mud and blood, both human and orc. He completely forgot about the battle raging just on the other side of the wall and gave the young man a sad smile. “Aye. My name is Haldir,” he said softly. “And I suppose I could spare a kiss for such a brave Ranger…” With that, he lowered his lips to the dying man’s and pressed them gently together. An odd energy seemed to race down his spine as soft, sweet lips parted before him, and he tenderly swept his tongue inside the warmth of Faramir’s mouth. He thought the kiss would be intolerable, revolting… and something he would never wish to have to go through again. He was mistaken.

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