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A Hard Choice (NC-17) 
Written by Nerey Camille17 December 2011 | 13421 words
Previously in ‘A Hard Choice’
The Steward and the Queen have become friends and meet regularly in the royal gardens to discuss Elven and Gondor cultures. But when Faramir gives Arwen a poem in Elvish he has written for her, she starts to cry. Understanding she is not happy with Aragorn, Faramir comforts her, which results in the Queen kissing him. Horrorstruck, the Steward tries to talk her into keeping the oaths she has taken, which only angers her. In the end, she gives Faramir a choice: either he becomes her lover, or she will tell Aragorn of Faramir’s inappropriate feelings for him… and Faramir has only one day to think out his answer.
Chapter 5. Where the Steward doesn’t know what to do
Why, oh why had he given her that blasted poem? Why had he tried to comfort her when she started to cry? And above all, why in the name of stars did he let her into his arms? Despite knowing perfectly why he had done it all, and also that it was entirely useless to scold himself for his actions now, Faramir couldn’t refrain from asking himself these questions many more times than he ought to. Partly, no doubt, because they caused less anxiety and were easier to answer than the only important question he had to deal with at the moment: the choice that was before him, to do or to refuse to do the deed the Queen had required of him.
Faramir buried his fingers in his hair, hopelessly. As he walked in Finduilas’ garden, he reviewed again all the elements of the situation, but could not find the missing clue, the one that would definitely tip the scales one way or the other. Shaking his head, he came under the shadow of Finduilas’ favourite tree and knelt slowly on the grass.
“Mother, I need your counsel again.”
He spoke in an undertone, tenderly and reverently.
“I have been ordered by the Queen of Gondor to give her the love she doesn’t receive from the King, lest she reveal my love for him.”
A stunned silence. Faramir could perceive disapproval in it.
“Do not judge her too harshly, mother. She is a lady beautiful beyond words, in whom it is said that Lúthien’s likeness and spirit have returned. She’s proud of her lineage and she’s been idolized by her own people for thousands of years. Yet she’s given all she had for the love of a mortal man, and now she finds her hopes foiled. For Aragorn is a Ranger used to toil and solitude and will never need love as much as she does. Can you represent yourself her suffering on understanding that she has made a great mistake and that there is no turning back? Don’t you imagine how it must have hurt her pride to feel neglected by the man she’s chosen, and to have to acknowledge her plight before one of her subjects, only to be rejected a second time?”
A lovely sound echoed in his mind, softly as if it came from far away, but concerned and gentle.
“You seem to care a lot for her,” said Finduilas’ beloved voice.
“She is dangerous in her wrath,” replied Faramir fondly, “and well she should, for she’s inherited the temper of the Lady of the Wood, which from what Frodo has told me is worth beholding. But deep inside she is only a frightened child. How could I not care for her?”
“Do you intend to obey her orders?” queried the voice quietly.
“Alas! I do not know what to do.”
A pause, then the voice spoke again.
“What does your heart wish?”
“My heart revolts against this deed. I loathe the idea of making love to her, not being her husband. It is unworthy of her –or of me. I turn cold at the pain it would cause Aragorn, should he ever learn of it. Not to mention that I would be guilty of high treason, especially if the Queen were to become pregnant by me.”
“You also could never abide blackmail.”
“That’s right. I can’t,” said Faramir, not even flinching at the severe word she had used.
“Then why are you in doubt, my son? Another might be frightened by the Queen’s threat, but I know you are not the sort to give in to fear.”
Faramir sighed.
“Aye, that is so. What can she do anyway? She might cause me to suffer the King’s scorn (that would hurt the most), or banishment, or death. I’d rather face any of these with a clear conscience than buy safety and respect in a way that would make me unworthy of them. For if my love for Aragorn is considered treason, what would he think of my sleeping with his wife? Nay, madam, ever since you left me I have valued my own peace of mind higher than reputation or even life.”
“But there is something for which you would sacrifice it, is there not?” the presence in his mind murmured softly.
“Aye, and that is the King’s well-being,” said Faramir, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I fear what might befall if I refuse to do this deed.”
The voice was still, silently asking for an explanation. Faramir sighed.
“The Queen shall be unhappy. She will be left alone with Aragorn, without even the comfort she could find in me up to now. She is likely to take out her frustration on him and make both of them miserable. That would be bad enough, but she may do worse. She may select another lover, one who may not be trustworthy. Then her secret will be betrayed. If any of this happens, Aragorn will greatly suffer, and I will not be able to help, for I will have fallen in disgrace. I know well that he will rue my absence in any event, but the more so if he is wounded in his love for Arwen. As for the political consequences of a rift between the royal spouses, who can tell what they could be? Were the Queen’s secret to be discovered, it could even lead to a war between Gondor and the Elves. If I accept her proposal, all this could be avoided. And as Steward, to care for the well-being of the King, the Queen and the realm of Gondor is not only my heart’s desire, but my foremost duty.”
“This is not a choice then between love and duty. You are only wondering which option would better serve both the King and the man you love.”
“Not only him, the Queen as well, mother,” he corrected her quietly. “Though you are right in saying that I wish to do first what is best for Aragorn. Heavens, my heart can’t stand either betraying him or causing him avoidable pain. My duty as Steward is to ensure the kingdom’s welfare, and yet also to uphold the laws.”
His mother was silent, and Faramir knew he had once again reached a dead end. He stood up wearily. He looked at the sun slowly going down into the West, and knew the decision must be made soon. It might not be a choice between love and duty, but it still amounted to choosing between the lady and the tiger: the King’s wrath or the Queen’s love. And for all that was at stake, he didn’t know what to do.
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You know, when I first saw you taking up this request and setting such pairings for it, it immediately made me think back on our story: the parallel need not be pointed out, I guess :) And now I read indeed it is so.
Well, in so far I of course cannot see many parts that correlate to our plot – that must be still to come. And I have to wonder as to the reason why Arwen is about to do what she’s said to be about to do by the request. Unless some other Elf suddenly comes up, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. What, is Faramir, along with his habitual role of facing tough decisions, going to have to deal with another habitual task of having to tend to women whom Aragorn’s can’t make happy? Because if that is not the reason and Arwen is fully happy with Aragorn, then why would she…?
And what is the reason of Aragorn’s behaviour? To bring another man, even if a friend, to your new wife’s personal chamber and leave them alone ‘to talk’ seems strange, to say the least. Naturally, he trusts them both endlessly, but still, it’s kind of awkward and, I mean, why? Does he feel like his presence would encumber their conversation? But as ‘freinds’ certainly they wouldn’t be talking of anything that is not for his ears? And why in such private settings, why couldn’t they have talked in a garden or on some terrace? It’s almost as though he’d brought Faramir there for Arwen to tell him something the two of them had decided on ahead of time…
Anyway, all that I’ll have to wait for you to tell us. Now, I especially loved this: It took him some time to realize that his happiness was of a sort that could lead him to trouble. And in line with it I really liked the scene with the bath, the juxtaposition of Aragorn’s unsupecting happiness, so simple and self-focused as such happiness tends to be, and the complexity of Faramir’s emotion. Of course there’s a special note of bitter irony to Faramir, just when he imagines himself in that bath with Aragorn, being presented with the mental image of the King ‘swimming’ there with some lady – to coming to learn of the marriage in such intimate settings, where the intimacy itself seems to exclude the possibility of actual sensual intimacy, seeing as Aragorn is so comfortable and unwary it seems he doesn’t consider Faramir in the sexual sense. And Faramir is such a good man, feeling as little jealousy as possible in such situation, whereas a more ‘human’ kind of man, even like his own brother, I am sure would have been beside himself with humiliation and the desire to burn the lady-rival to ashes, a good match for Aragorn or not.And now, if this ‘good match’ is going to start doing some inappropriate things that would show her as not such a good match after all, will Faramir feel offended on behalf of his beloved King whom he wishes so much happiness? Or will he rather actually be tempted by her? Hm, the multitude of the possibilities is so sweet – not to mention it can all go in a totally unexpected direction, too :)
And, as for the “nothing really AU” – where’s Eowyn? ;) She makes no appearance this far – I understand by the plot she ought to still be in Rohan at this point, but still, if she were his much beloved bride, probably she’d come up in Faramir’s thoughts at least once… Or is he smitten so badly by Aragorn that he just forgot about her? xD
— December Thursday 23 June 2011, 11:25 #