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A Hard Choice (NC-17) 
Written by Nerey Camille17 December 2011 | 13421 words
Previously in ‘A Hard Choice’
Faramir meets the Queen and finds her dazzlingly beautiful, which crushes his hopes of being loved by Aragorn even more. On top of it, the King wants his Steward and the Queen to become friends, but as soon as Faramir is alone with Arwen, she looks at him and discovers his secret.
Chapter 4. Where the Queen isn’t happy, and Faramir is in even greater trouble
Faramir waited in the royal gardens of Minas Tirith, holding a bundle of papers in his hand. The usual butterflies zoomed around inside his belly, as he braced himself for yet another of those enchanted moments. What would she say of the words he had painstakingly written in the tongue of Imladris? The thought worried him but for a moment; she was gentle and kind. She would praise his effort, correct his mistakes with easy courtesy, and tell him as always that he would do better next time. And then they would spend the afternoon enjoyably, she talking of her ancient home, he listening, as much entranced by her loveliness as by the marvellous tales she unveiled for him, and only now and again speaking of his own country, of Gondor, its people, its customs, its legends. All things she was eager to hear about, although less now than a few months before, he had noticed.
Was she happy? He desired her to be; most sincerely. So frail she was and so strong at the same time, both Elvish and most piercingly, endearingly human. He had come to wish her joy and happiness even more than he did Aragorn, for the King was a tough and seasoned man, one who had borne the weight of mortality on his shoulders since he was born, whereas her… Yet a shadow of doubt remained in his heart. And it was growing.
But not today. He would, as always, welcome her, and treasure these hours during which he could enter a different world, one long gone by but still endlessly fascinating, that of the Firstborns and their subtle, yet powerful magic… And in return for that gift he would offer his friendship, that he knew was more precious to her than any other. For as a sister she was dear to him, and he understood her.
His Ranger-sharp ears didn’t detect her soft footsteps on the grass, but some other sense warned him of her sudden presence. He turned, smiling as he beheld Queen Arwen’s beauty approaching amidst the trees.
“No sun can shine when the Evenstar comes,” he murmured as he bowed low, as always overwhelmed by her comeliness.
“Ah, but I am jealous of her nonetheless. For she has shone on you far longer today than I have. How are you, my friend?”
She took a close look at him and saw, as always, sweet melancholy beneath his joy. He saw in her gaze more suffering than he had ever perceived so far. But she smiled before he could say anything.
“You promised to translate that text before our next meeting. Was it very difficult for you?”
“Not so much as to be unmanageable,” he smiled, handing her the bundle. She examined it carefully.
“It is very good indeed,” she said respectfully. “Your mastery of Imladris’ tongue has become second to none, except that of the people who were raised there. But what is that?” She was looking at a piece of parchment that Faramir still held in his hand.
“This is something else, and I crave your indulgence upon reading it,” he said. “I wished to write something for you, and I have been working on it for some time.”
He gave it to her, reciting the verses to himself as she read; lines about her kindness, her gaiety, her wondrous beauty. He felt quite sure the poem would please her; he was all the more shocked and distressed when he saw tears of sorrow falling from her eyes. Her trembling hand opened and the parchment slid onto the grass. She looked at him, despair in her face, and as he returned her gaze with anguished grey eyes, she fell to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.
For a moment Faramir was at a complete loss about what to do. Then he sank beside her, took her hands in his, tried to wipe her tears with a handkerchief.
“My lady… my queen… do not cry, I beg you…”
She shook her head and the piece of tissue fell on the earth. Understanding there was nothing else for it, Faramir opened his arms and allowed the Elf to lie against his chest. Arwen took refuge there eagerly, clutching to him as a drowning person to a lifeline. The young man caressed her long black hair, brushing her pointed ears. Both hair and skin were as soft as silk and strangely cool. Her tears fell on Faramir’s bosom, each of them going straight through his heart; and in a sudden impulse of pity Faramir drew his arms around her and embraced her.
“What a fool I have been,” he murmured. “I knew you were not happy. You are disappointed in us, aren’t you?”
“The King,” she cried in a barely audible, broken voice, “the King…”
Faramir nodded. The pain and pity he felt for her and Aragorn were boundless.
“Does he know?” he asked quietly. She shook her head.
“He won’t notice,” she said bitterly. “You are the only one I can turn to, the only one who will understand me… But for you…”
She looked up at him with tearful eyes.
“But for you, I would long have cursed the choice I made,” she said, and suddenly her lips were brushing his.
Faramir drew back sharply, and his eyes scanned the garden for any witnesses to what had just happened. Reassured that they were alone, he looked at her, aghast.
“What in the name of Gondor are you doing?”
Her eyes saw horror and mistrust in his, and filled anew with unshed tears.
“Faramir,” she pleaded, “you cannot possibly deny the feelings that are between us. You care for me, and you are the only one I wish to be with. You are tender, passionate, everything that Aragorn is not. We have the same tastes. Had I known you before I pledged my troth to Estel, I would have chosen you.”
“Arwen,” he adjured, using the Queen’s name for the first time, “I pray you to listen to reason. You know in your heart that you do not really love me; and painful or discourteous as it may seem to you for me to say it, I do not love you… at least in that way. But even were it so, how could you, how could I betray the King’s trust and our oaths of loyalty? You have made a choice, my lady,” he added in a gentler tone, “you must live by it.”
With these words he rose, proffering his hand to help her to her feet. But Arwen stood up by herself, and her eyes glared with vexation.
“So that is what you think?” she retorted fiercely. “That I should accept this situation, resign myself to leading an unhappy life for a few short years, and then die as any mortal princess would?”
Her blazing eyes met his stern, firm, kind look and once again she felt she would melt in tears. But she bit her lip, straightened her spine and held Faramir’s gaze steadily.
“I thought I had found a friend in you,” she said coldly, “one who truly cared for me. But I see I am alone. You would rather take the King’s side. Think you I do not know why?”
Faramir paled with hurt and anger, but spoke softly.
“Do not be unjust in your grief. You know full well that is not how the matter stands.”
She dropped on her knees.
“For the last time, Faramir, I beg it of you!”
He shook his head, unable to speak. She rose to her feet, and slowly her face became grim, as if she had adopted some desperate resolution.
“You will not grant my request,” she said quietly, and Faramir shuddered at the new ice in her voice. “Therefore I will ask no more, but command instead. I am the daughter of Elrond and your Queen, and I shall not accept this doom. I chose love, and love I will have. I require it from you. And were you not to obey, I know enough of your secrets to disgrace you in the eyes of the King and the whole realm of Gondor. I give you until tomorrow at sunset to think out your answer.”
She turned and walked away, leaving Faramir thunderstruck in the gardens.
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You know, when I first saw you taking up this request and setting such pairings for it, it immediately made me think back on our story: the parallel need not be pointed out, I guess :) And now I read indeed it is so.
Well, in so far I of course cannot see many parts that correlate to our plot – that must be still to come. And I have to wonder as to the reason why Arwen is about to do what she’s said to be about to do by the request. Unless some other Elf suddenly comes up, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. What, is Faramir, along with his habitual role of facing tough decisions, going to have to deal with another habitual task of having to tend to women whom Aragorn’s can’t make happy? Because if that is not the reason and Arwen is fully happy with Aragorn, then why would she…?
And what is the reason of Aragorn’s behaviour? To bring another man, even if a friend, to your new wife’s personal chamber and leave them alone ‘to talk’ seems strange, to say the least. Naturally, he trusts them both endlessly, but still, it’s kind of awkward and, I mean, why? Does he feel like his presence would encumber their conversation? But as ‘freinds’ certainly they wouldn’t be talking of anything that is not for his ears? And why in such private settings, why couldn’t they have talked in a garden or on some terrace? It’s almost as though he’d brought Faramir there for Arwen to tell him something the two of them had decided on ahead of time…
Anyway, all that I’ll have to wait for you to tell us. Now, I especially loved this: It took him some time to realize that his happiness was of a sort that could lead him to trouble. And in line with it I really liked the scene with the bath, the juxtaposition of Aragorn’s unsupecting happiness, so simple and self-focused as such happiness tends to be, and the complexity of Faramir’s emotion. Of course there’s a special note of bitter irony to Faramir, just when he imagines himself in that bath with Aragorn, being presented with the mental image of the King ‘swimming’ there with some lady – to coming to learn of the marriage in such intimate settings, where the intimacy itself seems to exclude the possibility of actual sensual intimacy, seeing as Aragorn is so comfortable and unwary it seems he doesn’t consider Faramir in the sexual sense. And Faramir is such a good man, feeling as little jealousy as possible in such situation, whereas a more ‘human’ kind of man, even like his own brother, I am sure would have been beside himself with humiliation and the desire to burn the lady-rival to ashes, a good match for Aragorn or not.And now, if this ‘good match’ is going to start doing some inappropriate things that would show her as not such a good match after all, will Faramir feel offended on behalf of his beloved King whom he wishes so much happiness? Or will he rather actually be tempted by her? Hm, the multitude of the possibilities is so sweet – not to mention it can all go in a totally unexpected direction, too :)
And, as for the “nothing really AU” – where’s Eowyn? ;) She makes no appearance this far – I understand by the plot she ought to still be in Rohan at this point, but still, if she were his much beloved bride, probably she’d come up in Faramir’s thoughts at least once… Or is he smitten so badly by Aragorn that he just forgot about her? xD
— December Thursday 23 June 2011, 11:25 #